I just got back from the doctor. Apparently I have a grab-bag of illnesses, including a respiratory infection and sinus infection and severe mono. But at least it’s a sexy disease to have, right? After all, mono is “the kissing disease”. And who have I been kissing?
I say this because the blood work also revealed that I’m also in the process of recovering from fucking PARVO. You know, the dog disease. So I’m both sick and insulted.
Anyway, I’m relieved that it’s not something serious and even more relieved that it isn’t just all in my head but I can’t help thinking that it’s no wonder I feel like such shit because if I was a dog I’d be dead right now.
This is the point where I would mention that hours ago my dad had a triple-artery-angio surgery and that my mom can’t get too close to him because I gave her double-pinkeye when she came down to take care of me while I was sick, except that it’s far too depressing to add to an already depressing post. (Except for the bright news that the surgery was very successful in spite of the fact that he had one of his hunting buddies sneak him a bacon-double-cheeseburger into his hospital bed. Apparently his hunting buddy wants him dead.)
Anyway, I’m sorry I’ve been a hurling ball of phlem and self-pity but I’m certain I’ll feel better soon. Or possibly I’ll die from feline leukemia. Definitely one or the other.
PS. I just told Victor that the doctor recommended building my strength up with short walks and swims and he said “But did you tell him that all you can do is DOG-paddle?”