Why my neighbors won’t talk to us

Hey did you see when I dressed up for Halloween as Britney Spears, and Victor took some crotch shots of me getting out of the car?  You know who else saw it and didn’t think it was that funny?

 My neighbors. 

Here’s a whole photo series of the event:

1.  Me telling Victor how important it is that we don’t make a bad impression on our super posh neighbors:

are-you-sure.jpg

2.  Me (after a series of shots with Victor yelling me to “show more crotch”) noticing that the quiet Asian guy two houses down from us is standing on his lawn, totally stunned:

oh-hi.jpg

3.  I wave casually and start to move inside but Victor looks at the shots and says we don’t have a good one yet.  I realize that “Eh, whatever.  Quiet Asian Guy was gonna figure out we’re weird eventually anyway” and we continue:

whatever.jpg

4.  Quiet Asian Guy’s entire family comes outside and he attempts to distract them from my crotch by pointing the other direction.  At this exact moment Victors car alarm goes off.

oh-god.jpg

5.  I hide in the house the rest of the day until I suddenly realize that since I was wearing a blonde wig those neighbors won’t even know it’s me.  For all they know it was just some psycho blonde chick. 

Yep.  Just some random, crazy, half-naked stranger.  Getting her hooter photographed by my husband in our front yard.

62 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Youse guys in Houston have a different word for everything, hooter is higher up, but alas… [note: I've got nothing for the alas portion of this thought]

    The car alarm reminds me of when I borrowed a buddies car in college in Atlanta during Freaknik, we got gridlocked in the traffic and suddenly our carful of white boys started honking repeatedly. It was awesome and not.

  2. That’s awesome. I would totally be coming over and yelling along with Victor (and laughing my ass off).

  3. my favorite is the “Oh hi.” shot.

    I can *feel* that inside my head where the blank terror-by-paranoia lives.

    also, you’re so danged cute. crazy-husband-who-photos-half-nekkid-blonde-ladies or no.

  4. Those pictures are awesome, and your costume is great. The neighbors will just have to deal. If they were cool, the photo shoot would have made them realize exactly how great you guys are.

  5. BWAHAHAHAHAA!

    Oh I needed that laugh!

  6. Oh, if I had a dime for every time I yelled “show more crotch!”

  7. This is hilarious. I’ve had the same trouble with my neighbors – they are really close to us. So when I take my dog out at night – yeah, it’s not pretty

    Thanks for stopping by!

    (I also love the PerezHilton writing on the photos!)

  8. Their loss! Although I am a bit surprised that you and Victor don’t have to get some sort of permission before moving into any new neighborhood. Or a disclaimer on your door warning the unsuspecting ‘hood of who is living next to them.

    Love. That. Costume. You could have had Hailey be one of Brit Brit’s kids. Just get her dirty, give her a baby bottle filled with booze, and then make her cry whenever she sees you in costume.

  9. Haa!! That’s hilarious, love it!

  10. Jenny,

    You and Victor are my heroes. Any man who can yell “Show me more crotch!” in his front yard with a camera and his wife GOES ALONG WITH IT!

    I want to live in YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD!

  11. BTW. That does throw a whole different perspective on the “Hooters” restaurant chain.

    Not much, but a very distinct difference.

  12. I love you. No one else I know would have the balls to do this. Of course, I don’t mean literal balls…that would be a whole different picture series, I think. LOL.

  13. Awesome. If I didn’t already think I wanted to be your neighbor, this would have clinched it.

  14. If I saw my neighbors taking crotch snapshots, I would bring coffee out to them, in hopes of making some new friends!

  15. Hilarious – both the pictures and commentary!

  16. They think Victor is cheating on you with that crotchy chick!

  17. “Show more crotch!” should totally be printed on t-shirts. Imagine the money we could make.

  18. That is so dang funny! We got a letter after we moved into our nicer neighborhood that we had ruined the neighborhood after we moved in. Good times. I hope you don’t ruin your neighborhood!

  19. Posh-Schmosh…..

    Every suburbia needs a shake-up now and again.
    For thanksgiving, you could deep-fry a turkey in your driveway. That’s what my sister did & her “neighborhood committee” sent her a letter very politely asking her NOT to do it again.

    We saw a Britney trick-or-treating too, she didn’t show any hooter. Joe was mildly disappointed.

  20. I love the Jenny behind the scenes! You need to work this with the neighbors. Wear sunglasses one day and insist that you keep them on inside. Make up elaborate excuses for Victor when he goes out of town. Mess with their heads!

  21. oh, poor neighbour … heheh…

    I don’t feel so bad for my neighbours any more, though, for putting up with my slightly off key singing and the Magpie wailing on the bongo drums…

  22. A) I have the biggest crush on you right now. 2) (and completely unrelated to the first point) Is that a bear in the third picture? And Third, if it is, I’l go halvsies with you on the price of a bikini wax just for the benefit of all humanity. A little rule I learned from your mutha – if your beaver turns into a bear, it is time to get a charity wax.

  23. At least you look much better than Britney.

    And who is your neighbor to judge? You are an Internets Celebrity – of course there are going to be paparazzi around your house. That’s what he gets for living down the street from you.

    He shouldn’t be looking anyway. Perve.

  24. This is just one of the many reasons why I wish I was your neighbour.

  25. I swear to you, Jenny, you have made my day. I actually laughed out loud, close to an actual on the floor ROFL when I saw that picture with the bear (cat? beaver?) covering your hoo-ha. The thought of you can Victor sitting in your driveway taking pictures of your crotch just did me in. Thank you and goodnight.

  26. ROFLOL oh Jenny oh Jenny LOL. I know part of you is horrified on some level, but please say it is a small part that is going away soon. Oh that Asian guy probably thought pornographers moved in and won’t he be pleased when you take him a bowl of candy and show yourself to be the great person you are (also, killing two birds with one stone). He won’t even care that pornographers moved in. LOL ;)

    And we can always hope you get kicked out of your ‘hood and are forced to move to mine.

    Crazy is not even commented upon here. :)

    Julie
    Using My Words

  27. Well, gotta admit you give that neighborhood character, or are the neighborhood character. Either way, it’s all good, no doubt. *LOL*

  28. all’s i’m sayin is, when i come to houston, you’d better have britches on…lmao

  29. Jenny, this is why I love you.

    Bhahaha.

    I can only imagine what they think.

  30. I wonder if that critter in Photo #3 is related to the invisible bears that were squeezing Hailey.

    BTW, Jenny: hot pants!

    ~EdT.

  31. You are my favorite guilty pleasure!! Rrrrowr!

  32. The bear with the “no” on him seriously had me in tears. oh my god…

  33. Did you paste my pussy onto your crotch? Looked like Tony Chachere for a minute.

  34. Okay, first of all, yes that is a bear on my crotch. I got tired of the censored box and picnik had no appropriate beavers available.

    Secondly, I never turn down a charity wax.

    Third – They aren’t shorts or pants, it’s a catholic school girl miniskirt (ala Hit me baby, one more time) although I suspect on a girl with less junk in the trunk it wouldn’t be quite so “mini”.

    Fourth, I love you guys. Y’all are the best enablers ever.

  35. you are killing me… seriously, I’ve laughed so hard that it hurts.

  36. “Catholic school girl miniskirt” sounds slightly oxymoronic.

    It also makes one wonder how come all those priests were messing with little BOYS?!?

    ~EdT.

  37. Thank god you didn’t go as a penguin. Do they even have crotches?

  38. Totally hysterical. Hey – Bossy’s just been made a finalist for Weblog’s Best Humor blog – come over and flash your crotch. Er, she meant ‘vote’.

  39. I stumbled on your Houston Chronicle Blog and subsequently your personal Blog. Just had to write to say “I love your stuff”.
    Your writing is top-notch and you yourself are hilarious and “full of fun and hi-jinks” (Britney) in an otherwise humdrum routine mommy-world.
    I find it hard to believe your neighbors won’t talk to you. What a lovely break in their day!

    We live in Austin. You should move here. They would love you here…

  40. I need to go change my undies.

    Laughed too hard.

  41. MOVE here… I need a neighbor who let’s it all hang out! ;-)

  42. Thank God for the wig. Now they just think Victor is a freak who cheats on his wife. No biggy.

    Man, why don’t *I* have neighbors like you?????

  43. *snorts* I still think these are the best Halloween pictures EVER.

  44. did you ever realize just exactly how many pervs read your blog? now i know.

    that was so funny i bout pissed myself..

    hmm i have never before heard it called a hooter but i have heard it called a bush…

  45. Slut.

    Britney. Not you. :-)

  46. But of course, Victor enjoyed every moment of it.

  47. Screw the neighbors, I didn’t realize how great your legs were last week! Hello!

  48. I still think it was a great concept.

  49. Most topical costume ever: Britney gone wild. A++!!

  50. This is perfect. A masterpiece. Brava, Jenny and Victor. Well done.

  51. I just read all 50 comments and was shocked that no one hit on you. Seriously woman! You are hot! Can I have your legs? Please? I just borrow ‘em for like awhile and give ‘em right back. I promise. :)

  52. Young lady, that is a “hoo hoo” not a hooter. You are in Texas, my dear.

  53. This was hysterical. Thanks for the laugh!

  54. If I weren’t a heterosexual dude, I’d be so tired of seeing everyone’s va-jay-jays!

  55. See, if I were your neighbor, shenanigans like that would make me want to be your BFF.

  56. Thanks for making me shoot Welch’s sparkling grape juice out of my nose this New Year’s Eve. Hilarious! :) Happy New Year!

  57. [...] lots of hits even though they’re all about offending your ritzy neighbors by taking risque crotch shots in your front lawn and tattooing your half-paralyzed-man-boob cat”?  Because I’m [...]

  58. Oh my. Thanks for reminding me about this gem!

    Jessica’s last blog post..These guys are my heroes.

  59. Booty shorts, a blonde wig and a cigarette. Its as if all my red neck dreams have come true.

    Trey Anderson’s last blog post..It’s Christmas In America – You’re Either With Us Or Against Us

  60. I think “hooter” is trade marked by those other boobs…

    Were you looking for “hoo-ha”?

  61. She was my favorite singers back then. Time adjustments and my heart changes as well

  62. 62
    Lady Penelope

    That’s hysterical!
    Love that the neighbour brought his whole family out to see the show, but I’m a little concerned that “show more crotch” seems to have rolled out of Victor a little too easily – does he have a secret job you don’t know about?

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