Timbaland is a liar and probably has gum disease

You know Timbaland’s “The Way I Are“?  In spite of the title which makes me cringe, I cannot stop loudly singing this song every time I hear it.  It’s a duet by Timbaland and his girlfriend about how he doesn’t have any money (Really, Timbaland?  You don’t have any money?)  but she still lets him grope her anyway.  I was sure the chick was singing “Hey baby, it’s alright, you ain’t gotta flaunt it for me.  You can still touch my nuts for free.” which is sweet because there just aren’t enough transvestite love songs out there, but then I read the lyrics and it turns out that what she’s actually saying is that he can still touch her “love” for free, not her nuts, which is just disappointing.  Also instead of “You ain’t gotta flaunt it for me” she’s actually saying “You ain’t gotta floss for me.”  No joke.  That’s what she’s saying.  Whatever, non-transvestite.   You may not be charging for a nut-touch but if he loves you, he’ll floss.  That’s just good hygiene. 

48 replies. read them below or add one

  1. OH. For some reason I was thinking of the other kind of floss…

    Sayre’s last blog post..The Art of Maintenance

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  2. I can only say, “Wha…???”

    It’s like my neighbor saying her nickname at work is Duffel Bag Girl. I’m all, “Wha…???”

    And was it just me or were the Grammy’s so lame and well, bad, that one just fell asleep?

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..“Work is Love made visible,” by Kahlil Gibran.

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  3. Floss? Wtf does floss mean? Something from the late 90s relating to clothing? God I’m so tragically unhip.

    You = funny ladywoman.

    Dr. Ding’s last blog post..Touche Ole

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  4. I have never heard of that song. When I read your interpretation of the lyrics, I immediately thought that I had to go listen immediately. Now that I know what the lyrics really are, I’m not so sure.

    Jess’s last blog post..Yay purple wedding!

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  5. Now I know what’s missing from my life. I mostly listen to C&W. There are very few transvestite love songs in that genre. Dang.

    Sandy’s last blog post..Fun Monday – What Kind of Song Am I?

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  6. Wow…some girls have no standards. I don’t think I could date a girl whose all like, ” hey baby, you don’t have to shower or brush your teeth, I have some cashews in the pantry.” I’d be all like, “Hey baby, you need a wash and a visit to the dentist.” That’s how I roll.

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  7. I apologize for the incorrect use of the word “whose,” I mean to say “huze,” which is french for “who is,” which is a lie. I need more coffee.

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  8. Good, excellent. So happy as a former struggling musician that people are spending time in the studio putting out gems like this. Awesome, super. I’m glad John Lennon isn’t alive any more, he’d be asking for someone to shoot him.

    furiousball’s last blog post..i’ll take things that makes you want to wander around rainy street 1950s Parisan streets, Alex

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  9. Just thought I would help, Floss means the same as flaunt. To floss(flaunt) something that appears or is expensive.

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  10. I have to admit it too…I love listening to that song when I’m driving. The other one is Stronger by Kanye West. “Since OJ had Isotoners. That’s how long I’ve been on ya!”

    Any love declaration that can invoke OJ and also kind of rhyme…IS. Awesome!

    Also…the Timbaland song totally reminds me of my brother-in-law. He ain’t got no money. He can’t buy no flowers. He can’t afford no college degree.

    Greta’s last blog post..The First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem?

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  11. I can’t be certain what “floss” means, but I think it has something to do with fancy things. Formerly referred to as “bling”, though, I’m guessing “bling” is a term that is not so cool anymore hence the word “floss”

    Hope this helps clarify.

    Sara’s last blog post..Dating Tip: What to Write in a Valentine’s Day Card

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  12. Perhaps he could have done a duet with Ingrid Michaelson. That might help him get the grammar right next time, but I doubt she’d let him touch her nuts.

    Jeff’s last blog post..The Dumbest Collection Call Ever

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  13. The floss may not necessarily be for the teeth, right? Either way, gross.

    Law School Hot Mama’s last blog post..Commuter Trains and Old Men

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  14. Geez, all I can say is, I need to start listening to the radio more.

    Or not.

    Jenni’s last blog post..Project Support Beauty in Nature

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  15. Is not flossing any better than having your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?

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  16. 16
    Dre the Texican

    JC, you are kidding! Floss means flaunt in slang now? OMG, I am approaching 30 faster than a Texan freezes her butt off in 50 degree weather. Old and redneck.

    I just got off the phone with my boy Timba, and he says that he didn’t mean the lyrics in the slang way, the girlfriend means “floss” literally. He just doesn’t like to floss. He does, on the other hand, like to flaunt.

    Dre the Texican’s last blog post..Blog Honesty and a Contest

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  17. Keep singing it your way Jenny. Don’t let the real words stop you. Yours is WAY better. Ew- not flossing? Blech!

    Simply Jenn’s last blog post..The absolute worst excuse from my husband EVER

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  18. This is not really my style, but hey … Thanks for sharing!

    Jientje’s last blog post..Fun Monday … Favourite music

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  19. yes, because we need more songs that encourage young women to lower their standards.

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  20. I don’t really care about the lyrics…it’s the stupid catchy rhythm and beat that suck me in.

    Thanks, it’s stuck in my head now! Someone give me a drill please?

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  21. 21
    The Original Lisa

    First of all I was all thinking Justin Timberlake had gone all PuffDaddy/Puffy/PDiddy on me and changed his name to Timbaland. Then I realized that he probably hadn’t taken up some serious skin bronzing and binge eating and this must be someone else. For the longest time I thought Gwen Stefani was singing “I ain’t no Harlem Black Girl” instead of being a Hollaback Girl (still don’t know what that is either), and was all dude that’s harsh. Oh, and Jay-Z is Big Pimpin, Spending G’s, not cheese. Singing it the correct way will make you sound like you have a lot more street cred than you actually do, Dog. Aight.

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  22. OMG. Which reminds me of another thing. I dropped my daughter off at preschool once (a veeerrrry Christian preschool). The teacher said chirpily, “Oh…today we’re going to call all of the kids by their street names.” (I assume she meant the street where we live.)

    I couldn’t stop laughing. I also couldn’t help myself. I said something like, “Oh, great! My daughter goes by G-money.”

    Needless to say…they did NOT get me. At. all.

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  23. it’s official.
    I love you.

    Defiantmuse’s last blog post..common cure for the blues

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  24. Heh. Now, if you really need to jam, you need Ludacris’ Area Codes. Surely The Bloggess has got ho’s in area codes?

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  25. I think she’s just being polite and courteous. It’s really rude not to disclose that you have nuts and then charge the guy once they’ve been untucked.

    mona’s last blog post..what I have going for me

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  26. It’s a live and let live world!
    Cheers

    Maddy’s last blog post..Sticky Post [that means it’s stuck] – scroll down for something fresher

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  27. I’ve just realized I’m not hip enough to read your blog.

    But I will anyway ’cause it’s pretty darn funny.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..And I quote…

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  28. I’m of the impression (given by my local teen wanna-be gang members of near suburbia) that good dental care and hygiene is a sign of true devotion. No joke: the hooded young gents at the playground are always flossing.

    So maybe Timbaland (who I thought was a shoe up until recently) is broke because he spent all his money on dentist and now is devoted to taking care of his teeth lest he goes broke again and never be able to afford a hot girlfriend like her. Why am I analysing this stuff? Because I’m insane. Right, I forget sometimes.

    motherbumper’s last blog post..I’m glad to be bad

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  29. I knew there was a reason I still listen to Rush: it insulates me from modern-day music

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Updates for January 19, 2008

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  30. Until I looked up the lyrics, I thought she was saying “touch my privates, free”.

    Either way, it’s still catchy, even if the title is horrible!

    Shades’s last blog post..Spies! Among Us!

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  31. no one should risk the GUM DISEASE GINGIVITIS!

    flutter’s last blog post..When one’s butt is bigger than one’s pants

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  32. That title is awesome. Nuff said.

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..A Photo Essay of My Life

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  33. Well, he DOES sing about being well equipped. Perhaps she doesn’t mind a little groping because of that? Hee.

    alyndabear’s last blog post..Blokey Valentines Ideas.

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  34. Actually, she may have meant “floss” as in “scraping the teeth with a piece of string”. Have you tried flossing with that jewel-encrusted metal grillework covering your teeth (which might also explain why he doesn’t have any money)?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Beware of the Mom Bom

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  35. Am I the only loser who doesnt know who this Timbaland guy is? I feel so out of the loop.

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  36. Floss? Does she not care about personal hygiene or is that hip code for something I’m completely unaware of?

    LawyerMama’s last blog post..House Sitting for Pundit Mom

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  37. Timbaland? I think I need to go ask my 10 year old niece to fill me in on who this is. I’m way unhip. She also responds to all of my text messages if she’s around when I get one.

    Sauntering Soul’s last blog post..Fun Monday – I’ve got the music in me

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  38. Wait, are you sure your local radio station isn’t censoring the song? Cause I’m pretty sure it’s “nuts.” Although I can’t imagine what “floss” is censor-speak for.

    NewDuck’s last blog post..The pregnant woman’s guide to nutrition

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  39. Seriously. You need to stop. Cease and desist. I cannot take any more of this hilarity. I was coming by here just to leave one stinking comment and now your blog has sucked away a valuable half hour of my life. I have read about your cat’s man-boobs, your husband’s puking and nonsensical phone calls (not at the same time…but wouldn’t that be cool if he was all puking AND calling you at the same time? Cuz then you could be all, “Hey, Victor, you’re not making any sense” and he’d be all, “BLEEHCHCHBLEEEEHIAMDYING!” and that would be really funny), and a rapper with gingivitis. YOU.MUST.STOP. If I were wearing any makeup right now, it would be running down my face from the tears of laughter. I am supposed to be working here, lady.

    Please. Do it for the children.

    Missie’s last blog post..Soup, Mmmmm Good!

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  40. I agree with Missy, but I’m so glad I stopped by. Thanks for the laugh.

    ByrningBunny’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

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  41. That’s funny that Timbaland was just singing about not having any money because like three months ago he was singing about being in a club acting ‘real nice’ and getting ‘half a mil’ for his ‘beats’. So I’m wondering where all that money went.

    Heather B.’s last blog post..For love

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  42. yeah, this song has a great beat but the grammar-ARGH!! It does sound like she’s saying nuts-and it sounds like she’s gonna be a sugar momma-if you strip for me you could get a tip!! LOL!!

    Claudia’s last blog post..Feb 14th

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  43. When you think about it, it makes sense that Timbaland would talk about flossing for love. How many times can one rap about nut-touching before it evolves into flossing?

    Occidental Girl’s last blog post..Don’t Mess With the Schedule

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  44. OMG I’m still laughing. Jenny, you are too fabo.

    30andflirty’s last blog post..A Sick Sick V-day

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  45. Doesn’t Fergie sing about the “flossy flossy” – I’m not quite hip with some of this new jargon. What the hell does any of this mean?

    These damn kids need to get off my lawn with their crazy talk, I say!

    music blogger’s last blog post..John Lennon’s Real Love & Joy Division’s Isolation: An Essay

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  46. Sorry to disappoint you all, but she does say “flaunt’, if you want the correct lyrics, have a look here : http://www.lyricsmania.com/the_way_i_are_lyrics_timbaland.html

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  47. HOLY CRAP! I thought I was the only person in the world who always hears “touch my nuts” too. this makes me feel so much better. admittedly, I wanted it to be “touch my nuts” so bad that I’ve purposefully never looked up the actual lyrics, but I’m glad I had to find out by someone else agreeing instead of just looking it up on my own and feeling disappointed.

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  48. p.s. I am still glad I got a whole extra 3 years of just accepting it as “nuts” before reading this post.

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