So according to my blog keyword search, a crazy amount of people are insanely paranoid about ninjas and are crap spellers. I mean, I’m obviously not one to cast stones after my recent, tiny ninja punctuation crisis but this shit is ridiculous. I mean, no judgment and I totally can’t tell which of you got here by butchering ninja phrases but really? In the last month 70 different people found this blog while looking for what I can only imagine is some sort of proof that there are, in fact…
Ninjas.
Everywhere.
Their psychotic leavings in order of popularity:
I know you’re thinking that it couldn’t get worse but you would be wrong:
And I’m not even going to bring up the searches for “ningas” which are apparently “everywear”. Of which there are more than two. Searches, that is. Not “ningas”.
In conclusion, I have to say that you people are. freaking. paranoid. Ninjas are not everywhere and even if they were, you wouldn’t see them anyway. Because their fucking ninjas. I mean, there’re ninjas. Fuck. Now I’m doing it.
PS. Just because a ninja won’t sleep with you that doesn’t make her a whore, Todd.
PPS. I know what you’re thinking. You’re all “Wait a minute! If she can’t see who is using those searches then how did she know that was Todd gettin’ all pissy about the ninja whores?!”
And the answer is that you were actually right to be paranoid. Ninjas are everywhere.
Nah, I’m just kidding. Everyone knows Todd’s a freak about propositioning ninjas all the time. It’s embarrassing. Also Todd, those aren’t ninjas. They’re pandas and they just aren’t that into you. This is why you keep getting banned from zoos.
PS. I wrote this whole post on xanax. You can’t even tell, right?
Comment of the day: Re: “Ninja whores” Is that the whore of a ninja or just a really fast, sneaky whore? Like they jump out in the middle of the night, fuck you, take your money, and you’re all like. Huh? What just happened? ~ctina1973
Everyone knows the only reason to have a blog is to see the keywords that lead people to it.
There’re. There’re. There’re. It’s a tongue twister of epic proportions.
Heather’s last blog post..Skinny Baby
I know, right?!
“There’re.”
I can’t stop saying it.
Ninjas are everywhere, because ninjas are everywhere at once. Ninjas can do crazy shit like that.
Maria’s last blog post..It’s my test tube, it can be a boy if I want it to.
Everyone knows the MOST ninjas were in Hawaii during the mid-1980’s. Just watch any episode of Magnum PI.
How much wood would a ninja chuck if a ninja could chuck wood? Wait…that sounds wrong.
apathy lounge’s last blog post..A kick in the shins would be less insulting
ningas. is that like when a vagina gets all stealthy? i guess that could also tie in with the ninja whores. ninja whores with stealthy ningas. that is something to be concerned about.
Mama DB’s last blog post..Up your nose with a rubber hose
I do not believe you one bit. However, if you send me some xanax bars I will believe everything you say from here on out…until I need refill. You can email me so as to find where to send my prescription!
P.S. – I have hired ninjas to watch you and report back to me as to your doings in reference to this post.
please pass the Xanax.
HRH’s last blog post..Greatest rivalries of all time…
Dude, you are the search term ninja now.
Sunshine’s last blog post..Dancing Queens
How much wood could a ninja chuck if a ninja could chuck wood? Wait…that sounds wrong.
AB’s last blog post..A kick in the shins would be less insulting
There’re
Really?
Either we are a nation of complete idiots or we aren’t recruiting the best and brightest to serve as language arts instructors.
WHAT IS GOING ON IN GRAMMAR CLASS, PEOPLE?
*snort*
theotherbear’s last blog post..Brief Hiatus
OMG that is hilarious! It’s so worrying that some people still can’t spell “they’re”. Seriously!
Katie’s last blog post..Answering Machine Phobia – Am I Crazy?
Hey, maybe those people are spelling poorly because they were just hit by ninjas! Or they take Xanax.
Fuck…why did someone have to out us ninja whores? We had a good thing going…
qt’s last blog post..Trail Tuesday – The Wrap Party
Holy shit. How many people search for ninja’s and how many people need to go back to 6th grade? Seriously…there’re fucking stupid.
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..A Long Time Coming
This is some funny shit.
And really? Do you know anyone else that can link ninjas and whores like Jenny?
All Hail, Jenny, The Bloggess
Headless Mom’s last blog post..Rock and Roll Hall of Fame
Xanax sounds about heavenly right now. But, none here. I’ll have to go for the whiskey. Gotta do something to get all these Ninjas out of my thoughts!
JCK’s last blog post..How come I missed out on the tummy tuck?!
You shouldn’t mock ninjas. That’s all I’m saying.
whit’s last blog post..I’m Whit Honea and I Endorse Tom Hank’s Message
ok at “that’s just rude” I snorted and choked on my gum, which made me cough-laugh and I peed my pants a little.
So I am pretty sure the ninjas are responsible.
flutter’s last blog post..Moving day
At least they weren’t searching for ninja’s underwear. I wonder if ninjas wear underwear? I’ve never seen a ninja movie where they stop to fix a wedgie and with all that jumping around and stuff you’d think they’d have them all the time! I get a damn wedgie just sitting!
Re: “Ninja whores” Is that the whore of a ninja or just a really fast, sneaky whore? Like they jump out in the middle of the night, fuck you, take your money, and you’re all like. Huh? What just happened?
I read this amazing “young adult” book once called “Knocked out by my nunga-nungas” (which is the sequel to “angus thongs and full frontal snogging”) and I naively thought that nunga-nungas were boobs – it obviously is referring to getting knocked out by incognito ningas.
the only keyword searches that have led people to my blog is “picky eaters anonymous” “john cusack” and “don’t sweat it, they’re just hatin cuz you’re dope”
Deidre’s last blog post..A Note to Self
stupid peeplz is all whores. stupid ninjas iz included.
mangina.
pookie addams’s last blog post..Breakdown, go ahead and give it to me
http://eggsandambergris.blogspot.com/2008/04/moar-funny-pictures.html
pookie addams’s last blog post..Breakdown, go ahead and give it to me
http://eggsandambergris.blogspot.com/2008/04/moar-funny-pictures.html#links
pookie addams’s last blog post..Breakdown, go ahead and give it to me
After reading the comments, I totally forgot what I was going to say…
But this reminds me of why it’s impossible to travel back in time. But I can’t share that with you right now, because of the ninjas and whores…
Kylie’s last blog post..You say it’s your birthday!
Now you will have people searching for “Day of the Ninja” cause I like said it in the comments and stuff.
And it is December 5 by the way. I celebrate it by getting drunk in the middle of the day and doing this:
http://www.magnetoboldtoo.com/2007/12/05/today-is-day-of-the-ninja/
Kelley’s last blog post..My baby is at camp.
Oh and favourite search terms for my blog?
Rule 34 of the internet and sweaty breasts.
Fabulous. I totally rock the p0rn industry.
Kelley’s last blog post..My baby is at camp.
Now I have the following image stuck in my mind: Ninjas fckng every whore, and Look! There’res Ninga’s underwear!
Somebody, get me an ice pick. Please.
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..Hell’s Kitchen: Sweet 16
The Bread Winner says that if I say there’re again I have to sleep on the couch.
It’ll be worth it because it’s sooooo funny.
Dani’s last blog post..Ooohh it burns (in a good way)
I had my own ninjina punctuation crisis during my period when I ran out of Tampax once.
Alice’s last blog post..Majestic Dawn Drinking Games
I got me some ningas in my everywear… Really… 😉
Thanks for the post, it totally made me snort my coffee, and we all know that’s the best way to wake up in the morning!
Z’s last blog post..The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
I must have a boring blog because I dont get those funny Google searches.
Jacki’s last blog post..Have you some money to spare?
Wow. Ninjas make you popular. Who knew?
3carnations’s last blog post..I’m almost 75
So their ARE stupid questions!
(that hurt to write, btw…it just ain’t in me….)
The funny thought is I bet this is TAME compared to other searches that land on The Bloggesssss. Hopefully it’s not “smart” compared to them!
You haven’t gotten googled for “They’are squid whores everywear”, have you?
That’s pretty freaking weird.
ashley’s last blog post..Someone was smoking doobies at the gym.
I suspect your ninja seekers are looking for this: http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm
Hilarious.
Kyla’s last blog post..10 hours…
“Abot”- They must be Canadian Ninjas.
Nikki’s last blog post..Confessions and Product Placement
Is taking a xanax anything at all like taking a valium? Because valium is a drug that isn’t the slightest bit overrated.
Emily’s last blog post..Not Exactly Our Normal Post
The Xanax is barely noticeable. Seriously. Just put a little concealer on it and you’re good.
I don’t think you built up the post too much: it was very entertaining. And educational! I learned that people who are paranoid about ninjas kent spel wurth beens.
janet’s last blog post..C’est moi, Blanche DuBois
I’m just glad someone (that soomeone would be ctina1973) finally figured out the secret of the ninja whores. I was wondering why I kept waking up with money missing from my wallet, smelling like sex. Well, you know, on the nights that I HADN’T been drinking.
Some ninjas were waiting for me at my apartment last night, but they were the ones who fought Magnum PI in the 80’s, so they were older and said they just needed a place to crash. When I awoke, my kidneys were both removed and replaced by smaller ninjas, just tokkep an eye on me…I have no idea how I am still alive.
You wrote this on xanax? I thought you wrote it on ninjas.
Avitable’s last blog post..Musings
Just out of curiosity- did you peek at the ip addresses? Is it seventy odd people looking for the invisible ninjas, or one very,very stubborn person?
ephelba’s last blog post..What doesn’t work.
Surely ninja whores don’t make a lot of money. Really, how could they? They’re supposed to be all stealthy. They really need to get a better job.
ktjrdn’s last blog post..Why can’t beggars be choosers?
I guess there’re none ninga-lovers allowed to attend school? Proly cause they’ll’ll assume everyone there’res a whore.
I love it when you post about random shit and xanax in the mornings, it starts my day off on such a high note.
Elle’s last blog post..Clean Kitchen, Small Butt?
I don’t get funny searches either, though I do get plenty of misspelled, grammatically unsound ones. (I don’t know if that says more about me or my readers.)
Kathy’s last blog post..Shut up and tip me
That reminds me of when I was in 5th grade and we had a test on which sentences were correct.
Sadly, to this day, I still can’t get ‘there their they’re’ right. I blame my public school education.
That does say public and not pubic right?
Bee’s last blog post..Don’t tell ME where to put MY stimulus package!
You realize of course, that forever you’re going to be getting search hits about ninjas on Xanax. On second thought, maybe they SHOULD be on Xanax.
Also, the ARE everwhere, they’re just littler than you think.
Greta’s last blog post..Hump Day is for Lovers and Looking at New Lard and Old DTBMULF
I wonder if the ABOT searches came from Canada. You know they say it weird up there. (Did I even spell that right? Now I am paranoid about spelling THERE!!)
And Ninja Squid, on Bikes?
I am going to take a Xanax and lie down, my head hurts.
But I love you for making my head hurt.
Faith’s last blog post..Note’s From Preschool
Whore ninjas would be rather interesting, actually. In a kinky sort of way. Cause you totally wouldn’t even know who blew you since you couldn’t see them. Of course, some people have that problem anyway, but that’s only because of too much beer. Or Xanax perhaps.
Lara’s last blog post..Happiness
I love to see what google searches bring people to my blog. Unfortunately mine are not nearly as funny – or misspelled. Crap, does that mean my blog is boring? Must now start writing about ninjas, ningas and ninja whores.
Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: Facebook in reality
How do you find out what keyword searches led to your’re blog?
Cause I’m a blogging newbie and curious minds want to know.
I love the smell of xanax in the morning.
avonlea’s last blog post..So, what has your vagina done for *you* lately?
Dear Jenny,
I’ve consulted with the other doctors. We think it’s time we increased your dosage.
Regards,
Dr. Nina J. Everywhere
Abot There’er Psychiatric Hospital
anne nahm’s last blog post..Taking Nipple Stories For the Team
Don’t you people realize that a ninga is just a female ninja?? Damn, it’s just “gina”, with an extra “n”. BTW, Jenny, can we go back to discussing vaginas, please? Yours or any of your friends’ will be fine.
I’m not afraid of ninjas. Or ningas. I’m just a little bit afraid of these people, who walk around the world right. next. to. the rest of us. What the hell?
I hear that ninja whores charge the most, but it’s totally worth it.
Jennifer H’s last blog post..Beary annoying (yeah, I know)
I want to cry at illiterate these people are. And paranoid.
doahleigh’s last blog post..How bad do I really want this degree?
You rock. You and your crazy Ninjas.
They might be everywhere.
Hatchet’s last blog post..Small Farms Aren’t Dead
I cry. I cry for all of English-speaking humanity.
And also for the pandas.
ali’s last blog post..Over the last 24 hours… Updated
there’re – too funny.
Karmyn R’s last blog post..**sticky post CONTEST sticky post**
Infographics
http://infosthetics.com/archives/2008/05/oh_shiit_damn_spelling_frequency.html
Xanax rocks. I could even be a ninja with some Xanax. I need to refill my script.
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..2008 Blogger’s Choice Awards
If Todd’s a freak about propositioning ninjas, there are a whole lot more folks out there who are freaks about prepositioning ninjas. I’m just sayin’…
MommyTime’s last blog post..“My New Fishing Pole” by Son
And Googlers continue to scare the ever-loving-shit out of me.
On #18 – Is anyone looking into these ninja- shaped tumors or has medical research totally dropped the ball on this one?
andi’s last blog post..Keeping you in the loop
But, but, Jenny, Jenny, the ninja their’re everywear! Bewhere.
Robin’s last blog post..Another cute kid that’s not my own
You know, I’m just sure you’ve already seen this, but I bet this shirt would get Hailey REALLY interested in American History:
http://www.noisebot.com/you_have_dysentery_t-shirt
Yeeha, mother effer.
ali’s last blog post..Over the last 24 hours… Updated
See if they had said Aboot Ninjas then I would have said it was a Canadian searching for Ninjas. But abot doesn’t cut it.
And btw – in the The People’s Party Post (for the Party that is gonna RAWK) why did you wedge Canadian between amazing and socially retarded, is that some kind of ranking system, eh?
motherbumper’s last blog post..She Bangs?
So how many Canadians came via all aboot ninjas? Did I know you were on Facebook? I’m going to have to find you.
And, the triple period thing?….I live for it…daily, in fact….
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..It’s Howdy Doofus Time
i think i’m violating the over 30 comment JP rule by commenting, but what the fuck? comments. there’re everwhere.
Fuck the ninjas. I want some Xanax.
Can I say fuck?
Maggie’s last blog post..Now I’m Listless
omg all the misspelled words!
i have to go shoot someone now
biddy’s last blog post..i’m having more issues…
I’ve been dead for like… some time now. But then I came back to life after reading your blog again. Which makes no sense since not reading your blog was part of being dead for a long time. But hey, whatever, it’s not like I need to make sense. Regardless, you=funny, me=laughing, ninjas=everywhere.
MichaelTAdams’s last blog post..Troy and Mike Show!
on my old blog, i got the most hits from around the world on searches for “swollen uvula” and “bert the farting hippo.”
I had no idea that Swollen Uvulas were such a world wide health crisis. It happens to me every now and then. And bert the farting hippo, I blame on the popularity of NCIS.
i don’t think i have ever used the word ninja or vagina in either of my blogs. vaninja? what might that be, a vagina skilled in marital arts? I mean Martial Arts. Death by Vaninja!
pookie addams’s last blog post..Breakdown, go ahead and give it to me
I know I haven’t been reading you blog that long, but this is the funniest shit in the WORLD..and you didn’t even have to come up with it..all it took was an idiot and a search engine..your comments did help.
mp’s last blog post..I hate “mommy-bloggers”
Those crap spelling Ninja Paranoids are mutants
Ellie’s last blog post..Thirst
Perhaps that last one was looking for nuga-nungas. Which, if they had typed “underwear” instead, would pretty much make sense… I mean, ISN’T the internet for porn?
kittenpie’s last blog post..Notes
I’m going to get someone to make a ninja squid logo for my blog
Lady M’s last blog post..Still Breathing
Please don’t plan a trip to Denver any time soon. A local suburban wildlife museum is bringing an exibit called In Search of Giant Squid. They say it “features an actual giant squid beak, their suckers and eggs.”
They have suckers and eggs? Who needs to see that?!
Once again the theory that Jenny should write all her posts high is proven true. Hilarious!
Lotta’s last blog post..Ecommerce Interview
Apparently, ninjas are the new black and “Kawasakied” is so 1990. No…wait, that doesn’t seem right, something is wrong here. Can I borrow a Xanax? I’m confused.
Ingrid’s last blog post..Running Into John Krakauer
I had to stop looking when I realized how many people found me by searching “hot grandma.”
clickmom’s last blog post..guess
You write posts on medication? What the hell? I would never do that…… Wait? What’s my name? Am I typing to myself again? Which one of us is Jenny?
Simply Jenn’s last blog post..I had Gib take a couple of pics last night
My ex was the worst. speller. ever. AND the grammar! I used to flinch when he talked. Yeah, we broke up because he was a moron.
Naughty’s last blog post..Ghetto
I had a comment all ready to go and a Ninja zapped it. I was telling Ninja secrets —
They are everywhere – and they didn’t like it.
I haven’t decided if your post is a result of too much Xanax, or not enough. bwa!
Pamela’s last blog post..CYBER SHOWER ** Sticky Post
ok i’m really laughing too hard to worry about ninjas.
the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..the day i got dumped
I am seriously concerned about the tremendous ability you have to take one word and endlessly riff upon it until I’m choking on my gaffaws and the tears are streaming fast.
Either your xanax meds need upping or mine do! Wait! I don’t take it.
Maybe that’s the problem…
Loraleigh Vance’s last blog post..The Pain of Personal Growth
Xanax is a gift to ninja believers everywhere!
Wenchy’s last blog post..The language of friendship is not words, but meanings
You know the refrain to the first cover of the latest about-to-make-it teen band is something angst-ridden that sounds like “ninjas there’re everywhere” and you picked up every twelve-year-olds’ search for the complete lyrics and free download.
Jennifer’s last blog post..the culture gap
Teenage Mutant Ninja Giant Squid –
“It’s What’s For Dinner.”
-or-
“The other, other, other white meat.”
whatever.
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..REALLY Wordless Wednesday
there’re mmm sounds like something a pirate would say..
Damn now I am going aaargh and looking for a parrot..
frogpondsrock’s last blog post..Mystery Object??????
ninja-lovers are destroying our country and are a direct threat to the american family.
Kevin Charnas’s last blog post..Everything
Wow – I need to write a post about ninjas – who knew they were such a traffic lure?
Trouble is, I only know Ninja Turtles, not any real ninjas. do they count?
The Internets promote lazy-ass spelling, becuzz you kin tip anythn and steel get rezultz.
we_be_toys’s last blog post..“And these children that you spit upon, they’re quite aware of what they’re going through.”
Try posting a picture of Suri Cruise. The traffic is scary. I’m scared the Scientologists are going to try to eat my babies.
Franki’s last blog post..Jesus Would Make Death Threats?
I’m trying to have a serious conversation on the phone as I read this…Impossible.
I’m peeing here.
How Abot that?
~JJ!’s last blog post..I just can’t!
LOL. Jenny, dude, you’re freaking hilarious!!!
um, one of my biggest pet peeves is the fact that people do NOT know when and where to their, they’re, there.
another one? I guess they teach kids in high school that “what” is now spelled “wot”. Or maybe my cousins are just fucking stupid.
Defiantmuse’s last blog post..Class of 1998
to use.
to USE.
dude.
(shaking my head).
Defiantmuse’s last blog post..Class of 1998
If Todd is still single, I have a sister who might be willing to dress like a ninja.
Aaack!!!!!! I can’t stand all the “there’re” whatever mis-spellings, mis-grammarisms (hee hee!). It’s killing me!
CC’s last blog post..Therapy Thursday: Things to hear and understand by 12 months
…Lol….I heart you jenny! You crack me up!!
Please get back to us with what came up re: the “xanax” searches or better yet the “xanax + ninjas” search. Good stuff fo sho.
when I blog on Xanax i ytpot … typo a whole lot.
Dawn’s last blog post..From the Archives – All In
OK, random thought here (which I will regret since my blog is rated PG) but what about Ninjinas. They are like ninjas which jump out of a hoo hoo in the case of emergency.
Don’t ask. I just came from Good Mom / Bad Mom… Blame Pookie for sticking it in my head.
Houston’s last blog post..Dang It!
I’m thinking that “there’re” was intended to be the contraction for “there are,” rather like “we’re” is a contraction for “we are.” It’s some obscure grammar, much like ninja grammar, but it’s technically correct. Unlike ninja grammar, which is technically covert. Vagina.
obey your inner ninja
pookie addams’s last blog post..I am officially embarrassed to live on the planet
Jenny-
Totally unrelated to ninjas but really important, nonetheless–Do you know anyone who needs a roommate at BlogHer?
Please advise…I really want to go!
Headless Mom’s last blog post..And I went to college for this?
Thanks!
Headless Mom’s last blog post..Needed: BlogHer Roommate
i’m totally throwing random “ninjas” into all future posts…just for the google hits.
ali’s last blog post..some words of wisdom and a very important question
I love to see what words people are searching for when they stumble upon my blog.
My 3 favorites of yours:
ninjas they’are everywhere
ninjas there’re everywhere
ninjas there every whore
Everyone keeps searching for 7th grade science projects on mine. Love Sitemeter!
Shoegirl’s last blog post..Good School News
I think just proves what we’ve all been thinking: there are a lot of 9-year-old boy ninja wannabes reading your blog. 😉
Damselfly’s last blog post..Take my picture, please!
BWA hahaha! Ninja Whores!
That’s what I’m gonna be next Halloween.
Kat’s last blog post..Got ’em!
At least these are funny. I get a ridiculous number of searches for some variation of “The Moral of The Princess and The Pea”. You know, because that’s a tough one to figure out without google.
Diana’s last blog post..And We Named It Herman…
#42 myocardia, glad I could help you figure out the ninja whores. Now you can take the appropriate medications to rid yourself of any residual side affects. ick… Damn dirty ninja whores.
When I was pregnant I made the mistake of writing a post called “Porn for pica sufferers.” Now I get a million hits a day from people who can’t type looking for “porn pica.” It took me a while to figure out there’re just looking for porn pics.
New Duck’s last blog post..Zero
OMG! New Duck’s comment reminds me of a post I did about pantyhose lessons, meaning how I was teaching my daughter the proper way to put on pantyhose. I get a lot of searches for “women in pantyhose!” That just freaks me out!
And the other one is when I posted about this HUGE ring I bought and my post was called “Nothing Says Latina Like a Big Ring.” Well you can just use your imagination on what kind of searches lead ‘curious’ people there. The most common: Latinas Like it Big. What the heck?
Happy Mother’s Day Jenny! I hope the Community Service people let you spend a little time with Hailey today.
shuttle mom’s last blog post..Fun in the Sun
Happy Mother’s Day!
Damselfly’s last blog post..Take my picture, please!
This is the funniest thing I have ever read! Beats all crap’tapular emails that bloat my inbox every day. Thank you Stumble Upon for introducing me to the Bloggess! Fantastic. My sides hurt from laughing!
Your Ninja and her Ninja Cupcakes collided with my Ninja.
raw dog’s last blog post..Did you take your Piggy Medicine?
My last post makes no sense without the ‘copy and past code’ to the ninja cupcake…WTF!
raw dog’s last blog post..Did you take your Piggy Medicine?
It may not have made sense but it still made me laugh.
Don’t forget about the classic Speed Racer line:
They don’t make ninjas like they used to. Heck, those were NoneJas!
It was much funnier than it sounds. 🙂
Barbara Ling’s last blog post..Free Make Money ebook downloads
My blog is one of the top hits for the phrase “ninja fucking”, if it makes you feel any better.
savia’s last blog post..Unsex me, Facebook
I can’t pronounce it!
“There-errrr”
“There-rawr”
Gah.
Hilarious read, by the way.
But what of Ninja-Pirates?
It is an informative article. Thanks for sharing.