50 things is 49 to many

My friend Arianne said I should write 50 things I like about myself  to make myself feel better about having just been totally dissed by all of my friends and several construction workers who just saw me naked which would possibly be really easy to do if I hadn’t just been dissed by all of my friends and several construction workers who just saw me naked.  And actually, it’s not my friends’ fault that they all have lives and can’t just run off with me every time I put multiple posts on twitter and the Houston Chronicle begging people to come see Sex and The City with me and I end up alone in the theater crying at Sex and the Fucking City (WTF, me?!) and eating goobers.  Oh and when I went to the ticket counter and said “One for Sex and the City” the guy in the ticket booth said (fucking seriously, people) “Oh, I could see that coming a mile away”.  Like…what-the-fuck, guy-selling-tickets?  You’re judging me for seeing Sex and the City?  You work in a box, dude. 

And yeah, I used to sell snow cones in a shack in a parking lot when I was your age but I didn’t berate my customers when they ordered the rainbow cone even though I totally could have.  (Special note to people who order the rainbow snowcone:  There is no such thing as a rainbow cone.  If you don’t specify which flavors you want we just pick whatever colors are closest and that means you might be getting green apple & bubble gum or you might be getting leftover pickle juice & industrial cleaner.  Rainbow is not a flavor.  Be specific.  It serves us all.  Also? you should probably avoid snowcone shacks in general because there’s no air conditioning so when we’d get too hot we’d crawl inside the coolers and lay on the iceblocks.  Sorry, Snow Wizard, I’ve spilled your nasty secret.  Bonus nasty secret:  “Snow cream” is actually just half-and-half.  We just put it in a special bottle so we can charge you extra for it.)

 Anyway, where was I?  Oh yeah, 50 good things about me:

1.  I can curse really well.

2.  Really fucking well.

3.  When I was 8 month pregnant I screamed “DIRTY C-NT!” at a pushy car salesman.  Even Victor got a little scared.

4.  I’m taking off all of next week to write my book.  Seriously.  I have a book inside of me and I’m going to get it out if I have to squeeze it through my vagina.  Because that’s what the world needs.  A book squeezed from my vagina.

5.  I make myself laugh.

6.  I almost always listen to my brilliant husband when he tells me what to do.  This has served me well.

7.  I almost always refuse to listen to my brilliant husband when he tells me what not to do.  This has served me better.

8.  I can put on lipstick in the dark.

9.  I can play the guitar like a motherfucking riot.  (No, wait.  That’s Sublime who does that.)

10.  I got married on the 4th of July because of a dream.

11.  Whenever there’s a dinner party my table is always the most fun because I say something inappropriate and stupid right up front and then everyone feels free to talk about astronaut dildoes because they know that they aren’t going to be the one remembered as being the weirdo at the table.

12.  My mom is a lunch lady and my dad is a taxidermist and I am immensely proud of them.

14.  I’m not afraid to embrace my phobias.

15. I have a genius for choosing friends.

16.  I can create art with no true artistic value and still be proud of it:

17.  I survived being attacked by wild(ish) dogs.

18.  I solved America’s National Deficit Issue.

19.  I have a rare blood disease that causes fetal death and gave myself over 500 injections in the stomach so my daughter would live.

20.  I forgave myself for the children that didn’t live.

21.  I totally just brought down this whole post with #20 and I’m leaving it in anyway because it’s important even if it isn’t funny.

22.  I’m easily distracted.

23.  Did I take my meds today?

24.  I have to go to the bathroom.

25.  Is that infected?

25.  Crap.  I accidentally switched to 50 things I was thinking about.

26.  I’m not afraid of heights.

27.  I’m not afraid of ghosts.

28.  I’m not afraid to admit that I’m afraid of giant squid.

29. I’m not afraid to end this list 21 numbers early.

Comment of the day: You got married when you did because of a dream. I got married when I did because I thought the Rapture was looming and wanted to have sex before Jesus came back. ~Musing

133 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I knew this would be genius, but I had no idea I’d walk away from this post excited about something coming out of your vagina. That right there is writer prowess.

    And I’m happy you left #20 in there. I peek inside the really real for realz YOU.

    To Think Is To Create’s last blog post..Fifty Things I Like About Myself

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  2. #20 made my breath catch in my throat. But I’m glad for that glimpse of you. Also, I’m sorry that I couldn’t make it to Houston today.

    And? You rock my world for taking a week off to write. I want to do that. Like, NOW. Maybe I should start a writer’s colony and hire a chef.

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Good Porches Make Good Neighbors

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  3. #30 – You’re a total flipping nut. I love that about you the most.

    Jen @problem girl’s last blog post..Totally random crap that you just can’t wait to hear about

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  4. CommentLuv is way off. That is NOT my last post.

    #31 – You let me blame you for CommentLuv not working right.

    Jen @problem girl’s last blog post..The Story of Joseph – Visitation

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  5. Hmmmm, now it’s right.

    #32 – You have magical CommentLuv fixing powers.

    Jen @problem girl’s last blog post..The Story of Joseph – Visitation

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  6. I love you people. Come live with me.

    Like

  7. #33 You’re going to put on your big-girl panties (not the grandma kind, just the regular mature girl ones) at BlogHer and let all of us stalkers laugh at, I mean WITH you when you say things that include vaginas and ninjas.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..Are you ready…

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  8. Oh, Jenny- you’re my own Amy Sedaris!

    I live in P-land and if I ever saw you, I think I’d be starstruck.

    Like

  9. Oh! And commentluv just reminded me that I linked to you!

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..Are you ready…

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  10. My wife is afraid of vampires, elbows, and Neil Diamond.

    I am afraid of Cthulu, who will rise from the depths and bite my toes if I swim in the ocean.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..The Mommy Pope is going to excommunicate me

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  11. I almost just peed myself at my desk. Thanks for that.

    Also, I hope to one day be at a dinner party with you.

    Rhi’s last blog post..Friday Bullets: Guess What? Edition

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  12. You wouldn’t want me to come live with you because I have an unhealthy obsession with mustard.

    Also? Come to Chicago and I swear you’d be beating people off with a stick if you put a call out to come meet you at the movies. We rock like that. Also? Houston doesn’t know how good they have it.

    To Think Is To Create’s last blog post..Fifty Things I Like About Myself

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  13. Thank you so much. I needed the laughing so hard I started crying kind of laughter.

    Like

  14. 14
    Just A. Reader

    #34. You’re very kind to your legion of stalkers … I mean fans.

    Like

  15. a week? Chick, it is going to take you a whole WEEK to write a book? Pffft. I could do it in an hour. That is if I could be bothered. Or had talent.

    When you finish your book bring it here and I will sign it for you. That is the way it works right?

    Kelley’s last blog post..So what is His url?

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  16. I’m just going to ask this straight up-do you have PMS? I saw the Sex in the City at the movies, and I can’t figure out why you would have cried. Unless it was about the general quality of the movie. Don’t hate me.

    Mrs. G.’s last blog post..The First Mrs. G.

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  17. I cried when (spoiler alert) Charlotte found out she was pregnant. But just a single tear like Demi Moore in Ghost. And yes, I’m PMSing.

    Like

  18. I am SO glad that snow cream is half n half…after the naked confession, I was really scared about what was going to come next.

    So I guess #35 -public service announcement on snow cones.

    qt’s last blog post..Ladies Night

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  19. I love you, and 4th of July is my anniversary, too.

    flutter’s last blog post..I am an omnivore

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  20. I’m afraid of ghosts, and heights. And I would be afraid to end the list early. Can I still be your friend?

    Tracey’s last blog post..Kids With Cameras

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  21. It hurts when I pee. Help me Jenny The Bloggess!

    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Literal

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  22. I would have snatched a knot in that ticket seller’s ass! What if you had wanted to see Indiana Bones and the Temple of Poon?

    Also, I cannot wait for your very own Vagina Monologue and can’t believe you couldn’t make it to 50 – I think you’re great.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Mood? Lifting.

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  23. Another reminder why I wish you lived here in the Bay Area. And I promise I wouldn’t have any squid around (even cute plush ones) when you came to visit.

    Lady M’s last blog post..A Place for Roo

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  24. I cried, too, so there’s some solidarity. Not bawling, but like do I even have a tissue in my purse?

    When Charlotte got fierce, that got me.

    I’m glad you included #20. (Where’s the tissue now?)

    And if #27 is true, we should go on a paranormal investigation sometime, like on Ghost Hunters. Maybe with Ghost Hunters.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..The one where Mr. H steps in something

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  25. Dude. I totally have been on a paranormal investigation before. I held the emf detector. No joke. And it all ended at a bar. A haunted bar. Bonus awesome.

    Like

  26. I was totally judged too by the box girl. Before I could even ask for my ticket she said, “Let me guess…sex and the city?”. I asked how she knew, and she said that she could tell by my shoes. Really? My shoes? I’m in a wheelchair. My shoes are the last thing people look at. It was oddly touching… kind of like the movie.

    Little Wriggle’s last blog post..Ron Stone- A Hero and a Friend

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  27. You made it further than I would have. I would have run out of things to say around #3.

    Chag’s last blog post..How To Tell When Your Child Has Outgrown Blue’s Clues

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  28. If I lived there I would totally have gone with you and eaten Goobers too.

    Also, I do #8 too.

    Damselfly’s last blog post..Last-minute Father’s Day craft, or, A card no one throws away

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  29. Ce que j’ai fait, ce soir-là
    Ce qu’elle a dit, ce soir-là
    Réalisant mon espoir
    Je me lance vers la gloire

    always buddy’s last blog post..Toodle-oo

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  30. 12. My mom is a lunch lady and my dad is a taxidermist and I am immensely proud of them.

    ??????

    14. I’m not afraid to embrace my phobias.

    Like

  31. The ???? part addresses my biggest phobia. Triskaidekaphobia. I can’t even describe what it is without feeling uncomfortable. I can’t even push the button on the elevator to that floor. I just have to ride it until someone else pushes it.

    I’m surprised you caught it. I pretty much always skip that number when I do lists and no one ever notices.

    Like

  32. Just got back from the movie. In a word? Delicious. It woulda tasted better with you by my side.

    That has NOTHING to do with tasting you, though.

    As far as your list: a) are you drunk, b) you should mention you hired me as your editor, c) writing a book IS like giving birth (or is that withdrawal after sex?), d) your artwork looks incredibly nothing like dildos.

    Why do I always sound drunk when I comment to you???

    Robin’s last blog post..A daughter’s denial and my heart might explode

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  33. I was JUST thinking of going to see SATC alone tomorrow night…may have to rethink that.

    Wendy’s last blog post..Cotton or flannel sheets?

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  34. It’s always fun to sit at the rowdy table! 🙂

    Shannon’s last blog post..every day is that time of the month

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  35. Astronaut dildoes? What are these and do I need one?

    Victoria’s last blog post..What’s That?

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  36. I survived being attacked by a wild(ish) dog too!! Let’s start a club in which you help me learn to embrace my phobias!!

    I love that you got married because of a dream (or at least picked the date that way.

    Women who curse are my people.

    holli’s last blog post..thirteen. [Flickr]

    Like

  37. You can add that you have thousands upon thousands of mostly strangers that read your innermost and outermost thoughts on a daily basis and keep coming back for more.

    Felicity’s last blog post..Things to do before I die, part 1

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  38. A) Don’t let guy-selling-tickets judge you. Only truly fabulous people have the confidence to go to a movie alone.

    B) I’m relieved that snow cream is just half-and-half. The way the post was going, it sounded like it might be more sinister.

    C) If I’m ever cool enough to get invited to the same dinner party as you, I’m totally sitting at your table.

    D) How awesome that you’re proud of your parents. I am too and some people never reach that point until it’s too late.

    E) You’re an amazing and strong lady.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..spousal support

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  39. That’s about how I feel about these weird MEME/list things. 50? 19 is just fine.

    As for the vagina book? I’d read it.

    good&crazy’s last blog post..Things that save my Marriage: Part III

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  40. #7! It drives my hubby bananas.

    shuttle mom’s last blog post..Hair

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  41. Number 20 just made me love you more. I wish I could say that.

    I totally would have seen the movie with you, you know, if I wasn’t here in Damn TN… Wrong “T” state…

    kate’s last blog post..Mr. Russert is gone

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  42. I agree with #5. 😉 Great list – you go girl!!

    WOOT!!!

    http://themyrons.eachday.com

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  43. I would have totally gone to the movies with you if I didn’t live 1500 miles away and had a babysitter. I would have bought the goobers.

    You didn’t need anymore than that. You are totally awesome, like your parents.

    Glennia’s last blog post..How Not to Grow Hydroponic Herbs

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  44. i get the same ‘tude from the guy who takes my pizza delivery order over the phone. Puh-RICK!

    always buddy’s last blog post..Toodle-oo

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  45. I’ll add myself to the people who are glad you kept #20. You’re just awesome!

    And I’m totally going to see Sex in the City all by myself when it comes out here because:

    1. I couldn’t possibly DRAG my husband to go see it with me (I’m not entirely sure the promise of sex in the theater would work to get him to come) ~ seriously thought about changing that line, but left it in ’cause I thought it would amuse you,

    2. I have no female friends that are not online people I’ve never met. Heck, with as crazy as I am y’all may all be figments of my imagination.

    Kylie’s last blog post..The little thief!

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  46. Jenny, you should have done what I usually do when some dumbass is rude– pulled him through the ticket slot, and then asked him if he was sure he wanted to make a rude comment to you. I’ve noticed that they always say “no”, once you’ve jerked them over the counter at McDonald’s/Subway/every mall store on Earth/etc.

    Oh, and in the future, you might want to always capitalize Goobers, especially if you’re saying you were eating them. Chocolate covered peanuts wasn’t my first thought, while reading that portion.

    Like

  47. “You work in a box, dude”…ah, I just spit out my coffee, brilliant…

    steppingoverthejunk’s last blog post..Brainless and easy. I finally get it.

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  48. Oh yeah, and it doesn’t hurt that your mom is the coolest lunch lady ever, and your dad is the coolest taxidermist ever. BTW, you have some cool uncles, too, if I do say so myself.

    Like

  49. I’m having a party tonight. There will be Lutherans here. If I send you a ticket, will you fly up here and freak them out?

    Mary’s last blog post..My Dogs Are Barking

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  50. Absolutely. I’ll bring the absinthe.

    Like

  51. Thanks for sharing your list…even the difficult sh*t. You’re one tough be-otch*!*

    (I’ve always thought your photography was awesome, your art ain’t so bad either!)

    Will that book come with a set of latex gloves…I don’t usually touch things that come out of vaginas…well except my kids.

    Dianna’s last blog post..I did it*!*/ No they didn’t part 4/What I learned today

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  52. i’m not to call giant squid kracken

    furiousBall’s last blog post..name withheld to protect the ferret

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  53. I think the best art actually has no artistic value. I’d totally buy your art. If I wasn’t broke and if it wouldn’t look weird in an old farmhouse. It’s the thought that counts, right?

    Lindsay’s last blog post..Some Antibiotics Might Clear That Up…

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  54. Can you teach me how to squeeze a book out of my vagina? It would totally turn my hubby on. Even better if we did it together.

    slackermommy’s last blog post..“This baby’s been beat”

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  55. Awesome, you just made my day. Good luck with the book squeezing thing. Do they give you an epidural for that?

    Renee’s last blog post..Honey You’re Yelling at the TV Again

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  56. So, the first Bloggess post I ever read was the one about the 911 claw cat. I almost peed myself from laughter. Today I almost cried at #19 and #20. It seems you may have a new stalker.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Safe Bubbles For Moms and Kids

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  57. See, that’s what I dig about you. Not afraid of ghosts or heights but you embrace the totally rational fear of giant squid. It makes sense to me.

    Kristen’s last blog post..Judge Antonin Scalia Is A Big, Fat Jerk or: Hooray, Bush Is Thwarted Again!

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  58. Well, you’ve pushed one absolutely amazing thing out of your vagina…why not another?

    Like

  59. Four things:

    -“dude, you work in a box” – hA! Good one.

    – Have I told you lately that I love you?

    – You make me laugh, too, but then so do I, so… well…

    – I’m glad you’ve forgiven yourself for your other would-be’s. And even more glad you have the one you do.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Summertime

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  60. Love the image of an immensely pregnant, half crazed Bloggess dropping the c-bomb.

    Manager Mom’s last blog post..It’s Good To Be Queen

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  61. when i was pregnant, my vagina became fondly known as ‘area 51’ and i’m pretty sure if i took a week to squeeze a book out of her government secrets would come spilling out.

    krista’s last blog post..her head tastes delicious

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  62. Yay for #4! I can’t wait to hear more about it. You know you have us all wondering about #19 & #20.

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..A Domestic Day at Home

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  63. I cannot wait to read your book. When you’re looking for an editor, let me know. I got people!

    Sara’s last blog post..Looking for Your Dream Inmate?

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  64. i’m moving back to houston in november and i’ll totally go to the movies with you. i mean if you don’t mind going to the movies with someone you’ve never met but who stalks…i mean reads your blog. i can give you references if you need them. (note to self…make up some references to impress the bloggess…or ask black hockey jesus for one…he owes you since you know his true identity and are keeping it a secret.)

    natalie’s last blog post..Lazy Saturday

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  65. Oh my goodness you are the person at the dinner party that would totally make me blush and squirm and I wouldn’t be able to get enough of you!

    Steph

    Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..Fifty! Say It Like Sally O’Malley.

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  66. I appreciate the person at the table who will say/do anything. I LOVE to lose my mind laughing – which I’m pretty sure would happen with you.

    I actually made it through both of my pregnancies peacefully because of a dream.

    And…I have NO desire to see that movie, but when I saw your twitters about it I gave myself a good lashing for not living in Texas 🙂

    Kendra’s last blog post..Humor

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  67. 67
    Maggie, dammit

    I want to rub up next to you and stick my entire nose in your ear. My cat gave me that idea, it’s really awesome. Don’t be scared.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..storms and sunsets

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  68. You should add that you’re really funny! Unless that’s not something you like about yourself.

    Red Flashlight’s last blog post..Wedding Invitations Are in the Mail!

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  69. Are you aware of how fun a party would be with you and Britt in the same room? I think you need to start planning a trip to Orlando for November 1st.

    Avitable’s last blog post..Deadline

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  70. I will pimp your book that comes out of your vag—-but it will not be a review. Just so you know so you can prepare yourself for all the glory. Can’t wait until Blogher because I can see my pals and I can go to the bathroom by music.

    whitetrashmom’s last blog post..People that Should Be Killed

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  71. I meant to say by myself. Go to the bathroom by myself. Music optional.

    whitetrashmom’s last blog post..People that Should Be Killed

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  72. White, I liked the going to the restroom by music better! I was wondering if y’all would be like swaying to the music and stuff!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..A Domestic Day at Home

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  73. I’m in love with you. In a completely non-sexual way.

    mary’s last blog post..Fresh is best

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  74. I sold waffle cones at the fair when I was 16, so I, um, totally get that snow cone part.

    And your art? A-maz-ing!

    Like

  75. my first job was picking trash up with a pointy stick when i was 12. good training for all the community service hours that were to follow.

    i am afraid if high places even when i am on the ground just looking up at them. i get vertigo and kind of sick to my stomach just driving past tall buildings.

    I ain’t scared of no stinkin’ ghosts.

    always, buddy’s last blog post..dream du hour.

    Like

  76. Awesome. Also I promise to give you credit every time I have the urge to say “rainbow is not a flavor”, which I think is going to happen a lot.

    Mmmmm, pickle juice and industrial cleaner…

    Like

  77. Jenny were you the one who we have to thank for this?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Happy Fathers Day!

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  78. Dude – I just want you painting!! Will you make me one?? As a side note – my husband is always the weirdo at the table and we always have a blast!

    Kat’s last blog post..photo hunt 114 – emotions

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  79. I have liked you for a looooong time. But 500 needles in the belly? Wow. You amaze me. Can you tell I really hate needless.

    Like

  80. I’m with Victor — all men are scared of anything revolving around dirty cunts.

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Oh, and One More Thing…

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  81. You got married when you did because of a dream. I got married when I did because I thought the Rapture was looming and wanted to have sex before Jesus came back.

    Like

  82. You are not afraid of ghosts? Have you ever seen one? My sister has. And I would be very afraid.

    Mrs. Who’s last blog post..For Fun Friday – June 13, 2008

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  83. I have had ghost(ish) encounters. Exhilarating…but not scary. If it was scary I wouldn’t be the girl pushing everyone into the abandoned building at midnight.

    Like

  84. If you worked in a snow shack … you are my daughter’s hero FOR LIFE. I just spent an entire week driving miles out of my way every day just to check if the damn snow shack was open yet.

    WRITE THAT BOOK! I can’t wait to read it. Once it’s dry.

    mayberry’s last blog post..A rose is a rose, and all that stuff

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  85. if you are, in fact a *real* person, then i want to keep you. if you are a robot, i still want to keep you.

    you totally have to stop putting down your art, b/c it’s awesome. so are your photos. and your writing. i don’t like you so much after all. (heek!)

    piglet’s last blog post..he likes big butts, another piglet “lesson”

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  86. I would totally have gone to see SATC with you.

    the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..toxic plastics + smokin’ guys

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  87. I will never order an astronaut dildo snowcone again.

    Thank you for that warning.

    Like

  88. I also worked in a snow cone stand when I was a young-un. Except our “snow cream” was sweetened condensed milk.

    I think the c-word is under-utilized. Some people are just c’s, and no other word can accurately describe them. I purposely did not leave the house while pregnant for fear of the c-bomb, the f-bomb, and any other bomb I might decide to lob at an innocent passerby. Chances are, though, that the salesman deserved it.

    Like

  89. Love the art!

    Sock Girl’s last blog post..Baby’s First Musical Theatre

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  90. You will be issuing rubber gloves with the vagina book, right? I would definitely read it, I’m just not sure I want to touch it!

    Bethany’s last blog post..Come To My New Home

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  91. You should get someone to follow you with a camera as you squeeze out this book and make a documentary called “The Miracle of Book Writing.” And then at the end show it. Like they did in that movie “The Miracle of Life” they showed in sex ed class and which has scarred me for life. Well, maybe not. I’m not sure the world is ready for such an up close and personal shot of your vagina.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Harry Potter Prequel

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  92. Your scathing and refreshing honesty is why I come here. It is at once endearing and leveling. I would totally read a book squeezed from your vagina – though I might spritz it with sanitizer first, no offense of course.

    Ann’s last blog post..What The Heck?

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  93. Giant Squids hold grudges. You should be afraid of them – it’s totally rational.

    Kristine’s last blog post..Welcome newbies…

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  94. #19 and #20. Me too!!!! Seriously. I used to try and pattern happy-faces out of the bruises on my belly. And one time the word “fuck” but I couldn’t get the F right. Who can?

    Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?’s last blog post..Chocolate Deprivation Causes Aggression (From the Best of Kiki)

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  95. Promise me that you’ll wash your book first before any of us read it. Otherwise while people read your masterpiece they’ll keep asking is anyone smells tuna.

    Nikki’s last blog post..A Not So Fun Monday: My Apologies

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  96. I would LOVE to be at your table at a dinner party.

    elise’s last blog post..Hair, By Extension

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  97. This is why you are the best.

    ~JJ!’s last blog post..Hi.

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  98. I’d be willing to buy a book if it came from a giant squid’s vagina.

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Oh, and One More Thing…

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  99. Awwww…I would have gone with you to the movie. I played hooky from work to see “The Happening” with my husband. I could have totally blown him off to see SATC with you!

    But I didn’t read blogs Friday. Darn.

    avonlea’s last blog post..Reading with a two year old

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  100. Oh, and #20? Wow. You’re awesome.

    avonlea’s last blog post..Reading with a two year old

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  101. Dammit, why do I always end up missing the naked days? First Dwight Silverman and now you. I never have any fun.

    Like

  102. You officially slay me. I mean seriously, I would pay to sit at the dinner table with you. However, number 6 does not compute. How is this possible?

    Like

  103. I don’t care if the book comes out of your vagina; I’ll totally buy and read it. But I won’t smell it.
    Yes, I’m a nasty bitch.

    StartsWithAnX’s last blog post..I’m a dumb whore

    Like

  104. Can you get an epi if you squeeze a book out of your vagina? Whether or not you can, you should get something sparkly for doing so!

    Oh and the next time hubby has a work/social function can I bring you with us? Because when you say something inappropriate it is charming and hysterical. When I do it, these people are thinking, “we really should demote this man because he’s got wierd tastes in women.”

    motherofbun’s last blog post..What do you want on your tombstone?

    Like

  105. 105
    Cedarflame

    You kill me. In a good way.

    Like

  106. I can’t wait to read your book!

    Like

  107. wait…what the hell is “snow cream”???

    ali’s last blog post..Rockstar Hotel, Rockstar Style….

    Like

  108. WOW! I took shots for my 2nd child too! And had to forgive myself for the 3 before her! I rarely here of people who had to do that! What a reward at the end!

    Like

  109. See now I KNOW you should have shown up Saturday night to my birthday party!! You would have competition, my ex boss came in and tried to show everyone her breasts! Compete with THAT!

    I’m also throwing in #50.

    #50 – I have no idea how much of the world I touch each and every day, bringing a little humor, light and love (in a sadistic) way into their poor unworthy pitiful lives.

    See #50 sounds better when someone else offers it up for you.

    Like

  110. You’re making me all weepy, Tracy. Both because of #50 and because I missed Saturday night’s stripathon.

    Like

  111. Did your art come out of your vagina, too? Because it’s AWWWWESOME!

    Haley-O’s last blog post..A Cheaty Little Father’s Day

    Like

  112. Yeah, I used to work at a Chick-fil-a @ the mall. Peeps would come up and order 3 meals for themselves. I, never once, said “Gee, you’re HUGE, I never saw that coming.” I totally could have but guess who has couth? I do!

    Also, for .5 second I will try to be serious and say miscarriages blow! Congrats for not blaming yourself! Both of my kiddos are the sucess of 6 pregnancies. You take the good, you take the bad…

    mymilabean’s last blog post..Do you ever feel crazy? Like in a special genius super-hero way?

    Like

  113. Also, I know how to spell success but I CHOSE to spell it all jacked-up b/c I believe in the beaty of blogs, and in inspiring people to use spell-check, and I like that I can comment, and then comment again until you block me for spamming your site which? You would never do b/c you seem like such a nice person.

    Also in related news, look out for a malicious comment on Good Mom Bad Mom b/c they always warn me not to and I don’t think they are the boss of me!

    mymilabean’s last blog post..Do you ever feel crazy? Like in a special genius super-hero way?

    Like

  114. sorry, beauty, and that was just a fuck up on my part! dont block me…please.

    mymilabean’s last blog post..Do you ever feel crazy? Like in a special genius super-hero way?

    Like

  115. I would never block you. Malicious = intriguing.

    Like

  116. Jenny – btw if you skipped *that* number then you actually ended the list 22 items early. Oh, and my wife seems to have the same challenge counting past 29 – but I always thought it was an *age thang*. 🙂

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Same-sex marriages commence in California: world does NOT end in fiery ball

    Like

  117. You have way more than I could have. Why is it much easier to come up with 50 things I dislike about myself.

    Karyn’s last blog post..No room at the inn

    Like

  118. so, does your mom serve the innards of the animals your dad stuffs??

    in all seriousness though, you totally fucking rock.

    i’m guessing this means hailey will be an only child? i would totally be a surrogate for you 🙂

    wow…i pretty much just creeped myself out with that comment, but well, you get me

    biddy’s last blog post..Ahhhh That’s Much Better!

    Like

  119. #11…talk about astronaut dildoes…

    That right there is golden. I wish I had the courage to do that. AND be talented enough to birth a novel right out of my vajayjay. Priceless.

    Louisiana Belle’s last blog post..Post Father’s Day Thoughts

    Like

  120. I’m not sure what I am more freaked out about, the fact that someone else is afraad of gaint squid, or the fact that I am going to stand in line to read something you squeezed out of your vagina.

    michellew’s last blog post..Showers of happiness…

    Like

  121. I am also afraid of my own typos… yeesh. Word to the wise, don’t type comments while clipping baby toenails.

    michellew’s last blog post..Showers of happiness…

    Like

  122. Sorry I’m soooo late responding but this was your best post EVER!!!! It is hilarious:)Great job Jenny!!!!

    Now get to writing that damn book and hurry back to work!!!!!!!

    Like

  123. I used to work in a snow cone shack in a parking lot when I was a teen. It got so hot once that I fainted from working so many hours.

    Rebekah’s last blog post..Take just one minute…. (actually five)…

    Like

  124. I’ve never read a book squeezed from a vagina. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t.

    Mitch McDad’s last blog post..Why Lie It’s For Beer

    Like

  125. So you’re going along, listing your talents for swearing and breaking the ice, and then out of the freakin blue #20 pops up. Wow – heavy, but insightful.
    I’m really glad that #21 followed #20 – some crap isn’t anyone’s fault.
    Who needs to list 50 things ? Quality, not quantity, right?

    Like

  126. I’m not afraid to tell you that 22-29 sucked. 🙂

    Mike’s last blog post..A Lack of Order, Random to You & Me

    Like

  127. Wow, I had no idea you were hiding in the corners of the net but I am glad I found you and by the comments of your legions of fans I must be on to something here. I am subscribing now and will become part of the borg…

    Like

  128. Great post…and funny! I really like your openness…wish more people were like that, which might cause a giant leap in better communication.

    Steve (Bleezed in Vancouver)’s last blog post..Hero in You Speaker Series

    Like

  129. I fell in love with your blog from the first post I read, and just fell in love with it more knowing you suffered from infertility too.

    Sassy Pants’s last blog post..A Tuesday Meme

    Like

  130. […] through Kirtsy were The Bloggess and Okay, Fine, Dammit. When I clicked on The Bloggess  and read this post, it was like a lightbulb went on over my head. I laughed my ass off and cried tears within the 4 or […]

    Like

  131. […] 29, 2009 in Uncategorized I’m going to take a note from The Bloggess today and make a list all about me.  I did this a while back on FaceBook, but I think it’s […]

    Like

  132. Hey, Lower-Houston: Stop standing me up…

    By Jenny (bloggess & mom of a 5 yo) If you don’t live near Houston you can stop reading this. If you do, I’m going to yell at you. Remember a year ago when I didn’t want to watch Sex……

    Like

  133. You ROCK, lady. You really, really, really do. I’m busy with my own list right now. Come have a looksy when you can.
    .-= Joy-Mari Cloete´s last blog ..Link-love is good for one’s soul =-.

    Like

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  1. Good Mom / Bad Mom October 24, 2009

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