The difference between midgets and dwarves

The other day Victor was in the shower doing the “We Represent The Lollipop Guild” song from the Wizard of Oz, complete with the kicky-feet-dancey-thing.

Me: When I was a kid I thought that dance was some sort of a midget-spasm and I felt bad for them.

Victor:  You thought all those little people were having spasms?

Me: Yeah. 

Victor:  At exactly the same time.

Me:  Mmhmm.

Victor: Totally in time to the music?

Me:  Yeah. 

Victor:  Didn’t it strike you as weird that only those little people were doing it and none of the others were?

Me:  I thought it was like the difference between dwarves and midgets.

Victor: Wh…what?

Me:  Like, I knew there was a difference between midgets and dwarves but I didn’t know what it was and so I thought maybe one type had spasms and the others didn’t and that they’d put them all together so it’d look like a funny dance .  But it didn’t look funny.  It just looked mean.  I felt bad everytime the spasm-y guys came on.

Victor:  What the hell is wrong with you?

And then I said, “What the hell is wrong with me?!  What the hell is wrong with you?!  You’re the one singing about the lollipop guild in the shower!” And then he was rendered speechless by my quick-witted retort and I was all “Buuuuurn you!” and then I walked off to his dead silence. 

That whole last paragraph didn’t happen in real life but it did happen in my head later when I was driving to work and it was awesome.  So then I called Victor and yelled my comeback at him and he did that thing he does where he pretends that I’d dialed the wrong number but I was all “Whatever!  You just don’t want to admit that I beat you in the midget-battle-of-the-wits, asshole” and then I looked at my cell phone and realized I actually *had* dialed the wrong number.  Then I got to work and looked up the difference between midgets and dwarves and turns out you aren’t even supposed to say “midget” anymore so basically I just yelled a politically incorrect word at a total stranger on the phone at 6 o’clock in the morning. 


PS.  Sometimes I look at my sidebar to see if my latest post made it onto the “More from BlogHer” box and sometimes I’m all “Hey!  There I am!  My post is being highlighted!  And that one’s me too!  Holy crap, it’s all me!  All these post are mine!!”  And then I realize I’m looking at my “recent posts” box. 

Comment of the day: My Mom has a serious problem with dwarves/midgets…as in, she finds them funny. Not in a hateful way, really, just really cute and then she gets tickled. If I spot a midget/dwarf before she does, I re-route her path, it’s that embarrassing.  ~Jenny O.

127 replies. read them below or add one

  1. A real ninja would not be worried about being politically correct… they would kill regardless of social rules.

    Houston’s last blog post..Happy Fourth Of July


  2. The lullaby league and the lollipop guild were kids, anyway, not little people, so you can tell Victor he shower-dances like a child.

    Robyn’s last blog post..I’m A Bad American


  3. The difference between midgets and dwarves is very clear, I can’t believe you didn’t know it.

    Dwarves live in trees and make shoes, cookies or they go to “the show” and work for Santa.

    Midgets were put on this earth to frighten and/or entertain us.

    I’m sure there’s a Wiki about it someplace.
    (I am also totally going to hell for this reply. Whatevs.)

    Kari’s last blog post..Another Week in Review: Karaoke, Zane, Emma, the Katies, George and a Fantastic Fourth. (whew)


  4. Pardon me ma’am. But I think there’s a fish in your stream of consciousness. Yep. Looks like a clown fish. I’ll go get my pole. I mean rod.

    I said pole and rod.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Guest Post


  5. ha! I had a discussion last week with a friend about the difference between dwarves and midgets. It wasn’t an interesting discussion, because neither one of knew what the difference was, but that didn’t make it end any sooner.

    Marinka’s last blog post..Like Skydiving


  6. i freakin’ love your ps! you are all kinds of awesome, and they should do a day of highlighted bloggess posts. and i’m not just saying that. that totally cracked me up!

    natalie’s last blog post..Music…


  7. This is why I read this blog.

    seven’s last blog post..Go Read My Review!


  8. that’s why they call it dope you know

    furiousball’s last blog post..more complaining about my back


  9. i was laughing through the whole post.

    then i got to your p.s.

    and i totally lost it.

    note to self: do NOT read the bloggess at work. and especially do not if you are drinking hot liquids.

    i’m not sure i can ever show my face in here again…..

    janet’s last blog post..Fun Monday: the Gone Fishin’ edition


  10. I love that you dialed a wrong number and yelled at a random person.

    Renee’s last blog post..Hi My Name Is


  11. Damn, all the best comebacks come to mind in the car … or in the shower. I would be totally awesome if I could have said all of the great comebacks I thought of while driving to work.

    Diane’s last blog post..Oh, my aching back


  12. I think the difference between midgets and dwarfs is that midget is much more fun to say.

    Hottdog’s last blog post..What Oprah has to say about men


  13. This is precisely why I A) do not use a cell phone; B) do not have a recent posts widget; C) only talk about vertically challenged people in adult chat rooms.

    (Only one of those is true, btw. Which one can be your pick.)

    Mr Lady’s last blog post..Weekly Last Place All Star Team Winners


  14. Doing kicky dances in the shower seems neither safe nor smart. So there, Victor!

    -R-‘s last blog post..Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeee


  15. What the hell is wrong with Victor? I totally thought that about the kicks too. Wow. Scary.

    Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Convince Him!


  16. You know what’s nuts? The midgets all hit on Judy Garland in that movie. Creepy, eh? And, I think randomly acting un-PC on your cell is awesome.

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig


  17. I have never seen The Wizard of Oz – I felt the need to confess that here. Anyhow, I’m more of a oompa loompa kinda gal.

    motherbumper’s last blog post..meh


  18. I hope that random person you dialed has a blog. Or that he Googles your name from caller ID and finds yours. And then he’d be all, “I’ve got to block her number except I’m strangely drawn to her.” And then he’ll start blog-stalking you. (Is that blalking?)

    Talk about awesome.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Try a byte of this


  19. I would love to get a wrong number call like that. I don’t get enough crazy people calling me and yelling things like “midget!”

    SQT’s last blog post..Dude, Where’s Your Career?


  20. 20
    Just A. Reader

    Why doesn’t anybody ever call and yell politically incorrect words at me at 6 o’clock in the morning? That would beat the hell out of yet another call from my sister telling me things I really don’t give a flying tiny Sasquatch about.


  21. *ROFL*

    Bloggess.. we will glorify your name
    You will be a bust…
    Be a bust…
    Be a bust…
    In the hall of faaaame

    Alice’s last blog post..Odds and Ends


  22. shit. i call myself a midget all the time. are you saying that’s wrong? telling someone i’m a “little person” just doesn’t have the right ring to it…

    ali’s last blog post..that’s what she said, i don’t like boats, and i have problems


  23. wait? and what about the lullaby league? spasm? midgets? dwarves? too.many.questions!

    ali’s last blog post..that’s what she said, i don’t like boats, and i have problems


  24. That P.S. took me over the edge. I am officially smitten.

    Maria’s last blog post..Braggarts, Poseurs & Snobs


  25. You should always be on the BH headlines. All Bloggess, all the time.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..July 4, 2007


  26. I wonder if midgets need a special shower? Getting rained on from that height can’t be good for singing or spasms.

    Jessica’s last blog post..Porsche and Eric: The Engagement


  27. OMG I can’t even breathe I’m laughing so hard! Your conversations with your hubby sound like mine, only I can never remember them when it’s time to blog! You crack me up girl!

    Jia@ColorMeUntypical’s last blog post..4th of July is all Wet


  28. i was in such a bad mood that i was about to murder someone and then i read this blog entry and it cheered me up just enough to just beat the shit out of a few people.

    thanks for keeping me out of jail.


  29. I’ve decided I must meet you in person at BlogHer, just to see if you are this funny in real life.

    Bri’s last blog post..4th of July Photography


  30. I’m totally not.

    But I am entertaining in a patheticly embarrassing (to myself) sort of way.


  31. Best PS Ever.

    Victoria’s last blog post..Sniff


  32. I don’t know about midgets and dwarves, but I DO know you’re “special”.

    Robin’s last blog post..My promise to you: I will never again post a picture as ugly as this!


  33. Holy shit. The thing with the recent post box? I do that, like all the time. Glad I am not the only one!

    Tracey’s last blog post..Satin Fish Eats Father in Front of Daughter’s Eyes (or Not)


  34. At a certain point, the phrase WTF is going to have to be retired. Like Gretzky’s jersey.

    Who is neither a dwarf nor a midget…though is wife is freaky looking and I liked Mitch Gaylord better. He is also freaky looking now.

    Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?’s last blog post..Monday is D-Day…Unless You’re Bin Laden


  35. Interesting… I’ll bet that most couples, in the shower on or about their anniversary (or any other time for that matter), are talking about something other than dancing to a song from the Wizard of Oz.

    But, then, most couples aren’t a dead ringer for the Sonic couple.


    Ed T.’s last blog post..A wee bit o’ color to start your Monday off


  36. And now, I’ll blame you and Victor when I’m singing that song to my husband during “business time” tonight.


  37. Best. PS. Ever.

    Pure awesomeness

    You need to write a book. Just so I can have your wisdom in portable form to carry around so when I quote it, my boyfriend won’t look at me like I’m crazy.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Is it 2011 already?


  38. dude…

    you’ve GOT to stop mixing alcohol with xanax on workdays!

    biddy’s last blog post..I’m Almost Speechless…Almost


  39. You never said and I feel the need to know, did you ever actually call your husband and finish yall conversation? Then what did he say?


  40. I never mentioned it to Victor again. Too mortified. Then the next day I called him to tell him that I was going to strangle him because I went all the way to the post office to pick up a package for him and there was no package. The guy was all “Um…what?” I’d dialed the exact same wrong number again.


  41. Thinking that they were having spasms is much less crazy than the fact that when I was a kid, I thought troll dolls lived in my Grandma’s toilet.

    It’s also much less crazy than doing the lollipop guild dance in the shower.

    And, yes, though I’ve never noticed it, they totally look like they’re having some kind of seizure. You are completely in the right here.

    wendy’s last blog post..Fireworks Cake Toppers


  42. Is now a bad time to tell you I’m a dwarf?

    Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..I Heart Kate


  43. Dude. I am coming off my SSRI, and I think your blog may be the only thing that actually helps.

    Also, wine. So, your blog and wine. You’re in good company, obviously.

    ali’s last blog post..Query


  44. 44
    Just A. Reader

    Dude. I am coming off my SSRI, and I think your blog may be the only thing that actually helps.

    Also, wine. So, your blog and wine.

    Wow! I’m not alone!


  45. hahahahahaha




    You are the Queen o’ Funny.

    just sayin’

    sunny’s last blog post..july 4


  46. I prefer to say “Sick Burn!” when I am running out of the room like that. Try it next time. It’s cool.

    Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..A Call for the Silver Platters to Reunite!


  47. The Wizard of Oz scares me from the midgets to the dwarves to the witch to the crazy striped socks. My poor kids will never get to see it.

    the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..jersey girl


  48. My husband prefers to call me a wierdo over much more mundane things. Like the fact I grew up without a TV so basically without culture and have never seen such movies as The Wizard of Oz.

    If he was singing that song in the shower I would probably say “Hey, that’s not so bad! Do you have that on iTunes?” Or maybe not. The kickey-dancey thing? He does that all the time anyway, I wouldn’t notice the difference.

    Sophie’s last blog post..Yummy Yummy Breakfast


  49. I played a munchkin in the local theater’s production of Oz. My line – along with my best friend – was to simultaneously sneeze, and then we both said “we can’t help it, it’s our allergies.” So I say, if they can sneeze together, they can sieze together.

    Kristine’s last blog post..Why you may want to reconsider buying a house next to me


  50. You triggered my OCD with your spelling of
    “dwarves”. Although Merriam says it’s okay…

    ~ Why must we always be so politically correct?
    My best friend is a midget/dwarf/munchkin/little fella/short stack….


  51. 51
    I can't read my nametag

    Okay, that was really weird. There I was, sitting in Barnes & Noble mindlessly flicking jimmies off a cupcake at the women talking way too loudly about how much they’d totally “do” Jon Stewart but… “not that other guy with the funny news show, you know, Stephen something – the guy who’s on the The Office.” “No, that’s a different Stephen.” “I thought it was the same guy.” “Nope, the Office guy has a bigger nose.” “Oh…that/i> guy. Wait…is he the Get Smart one?” – “I think so.” – “Um…okay, I’d do him, but not that other guy.” – “Yeah, me neither.”…when my cell phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize, so I let it go to voicemail.

    Here’s what the message said:

    “What the hell was that all about, Jenny? I don’t sing Lollipop Guild in the shower. I sing Abba songs. And I don’t take showers, I take baths. Long, luxurious, bubble-frothy baths. And what do you mean by ‘there is no package’? Of course there’s no package. I told you last week: the surgery was a success! Anyway, I’m going by Wendy now, not Wil. Please make a note of it. And, hey…call me when you’re free. We’ll go shopping for shoes.”

    The voice was strangely familiar, but I think it was for you.


  52. I just had to reply, because when I was 10, I caught my mom singing that very same song in the shower. Evil child that I was, I taped her and played it at her next dinner party! Victor is in good company!

    Lori’s last blog post..Balls, balls and more balls- Part 3


  53. 53
    Katie Kat

    ROFLMAO… even though that’s outdated and stooooopid, it’s true. You never fail to make me laugh my ass off. The more I think about those twitchy little people, the harder I laugh! Dude… seriously. You just ROCK. Can I be your stand in when you get tired of being you? Just wonderin…


  54. I do that. Which? you ask.

    All of the above. The spasms? From time to time. The dialing the wrong number? Yep. The listening to my husband say “Whatever”. Uh-huh (Well, I guess it’s not like I listen to him.)

    And the amazement that BlogHer has only my posts listed?

    Oh mah holy hell, yes.

    Ree’s last blog post..The Birthday Pain-in-the-Ass


  55. Well, the fact that he could have seriously injured himself dancing in the shower like that aside, I’d think he’d understand there is nothing wrong with you.

    I mean really, Victor, isn’t that a case of the pot calling the kettle?


  56. P.S. regarding your P.S. – I do the same thing, and then remember BlogHer doesn’t have the proverbial balls to put me there…

    kate’s last blog post..A rambling update.


  57. I once dated a guy who was terrified of dwarves. Terrified to the point where the even the mere mention of a little person would launch a panic attack. He was also a crackhead (no, really!) so maybe that had something to do with it. Put that in your (tiny) pipe and smoke it.

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Thinking We Might Have to Amputate…


  58. There was a whole TV show that got canceled (largely due to the Priestly curse I think) all about a girl who meets this Voice on a Phone when she misdials her fiance’s number, and while she’s absolutely crazy, he’s like her anchor to sanity and reality, so she calls him all the time. Until he goes to Japan. Speaking of, I think they prefer Little People. People of shorter than normal height, I mean, not the Japanese.

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..Lakshmi’s Story: The ethics of deciding when someone is broken and needs fixing, and the broader societal implications


  59. Dwarf Alliance For The Love Of Littleness 2008 Conference.

    Where? San Francisco
    When? July 18-20.

    Who’s laughing now funny girl? You’re fucking dead meat. And I can’t say I really feel sorry for you. My kids are short as hell.

    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Shiva Nataraja


  60. there are way too many people named kate or katie that comment on your blog.

    i feel like i’m back in 3rd grade again where i must identify myself as “Katie C.”


    katie c

    p.s. the “c” does not stand for cocksucker. or cunt.


  61. I always think of good come backs in my head when it’s too late. Don’t feel bad about the dwarf thing… I once told my daughter that drinking alcohol before you are 21 can stop you from growing and she thought I meant that all dwarfs stopped growing because they drank alcohol before they were 21, sigh.

    Jen W’s last blog post..That face, that face, that beautiful face


  62. Awesome.

    anymommy’s last blog post..A Beer Drinking Question


  63. Freakin’ awesome. My Mom has a serious problem with dwarves/midgets…as in, she finds them funny. Not in a hateful way, really, just really cute and then she gets tickled. If I spot a midget/dwarf before she does, I re-route her path, it’s that embarrassing. Also, I think the difference is that the dwarves have the bigger heads and shorter arms. Midgets are more proportional, I think. Re-reading over this comment doesn’t make me proud. *sigh*

    Jenny O.’s last blog post..I am a sexy beast.


  64. 64
    I can't read my nametag

    I was just going to write a comment stating that your GoodMom/BadMom friend Mindy was right: bunnies are evil, and one of them stole a carat from the html code in my earlier comment, rendering it italicly dysfunctional. But then I realized my lame attempt at homonym humor would be two steps from funny because, in fact, the typographic character is spelled “caret” (not carat) and the item that went missing wasn’t really a caret at all but one of its 90-degrees-sideways cousins (who are members of the much more well-known Bracket family) and both of these errors would have added further evidence to support the unwelcome truth that I probably shouldn’t get paid to edit other people’s words. For what it’s worth…here’s the missing bracket thingy that’s not a carat or a caret or a carrot: <.

    Oh, and bunnies are cute. Except for the evil ones.


  65. Is this before coffee or after coffee? lol and I didn’t know we’re not supposed to say midgets anymore?


  66. since our AD NETWORK fucked with your rotation, i am going to have to quit them. i miss being in your category. it gave me a false but nevertheless comforting feeling of comraderie. why did they move you to the sex slaves category?

    gwendomama’s last blog post..Heroes Are All Around Us


  67. I suspect they moved me because of comments dealing with “sex slaves”. All we need to do is just leave a bunch of sex related comments on your blog and they’ll move you too. Maybe something lascivious about farm animals?


  68. Snort!

    I always thought it was “We represent the Lollipop Kids” until just now….


  69. I could see your confusion. Seriously. You are right.

    Kristen’s last blog post..How I spent my 4th of July holiday week


  70. excuse me it’s LITTLE PEOPLE!

    flutter’s last blog post..Acceptance


  71. Well, I am shunning the fuckheads at Blogher anyways so who gives a crap what’s being posted? why you ask? well they can’t even be ASSED to issue a generic rejection email to a blog submission request. First they rejected me cause my blog was too new and then they just didn’t respond. who needs their girly asses anyhow. just because all the cool blog chicks are there. I prefer to think of them as blogladies with sticks up there collective asses and who wants to join their old broads club ANYWAY?? harumph.

    whatever. I always hoped the flying monkeys would fly in and eat the midgets and dwarves. now that I think of it, I wish some flying monkeys would swoop in and do away with those old blogher bags. double harumph. /rant.

    Kimberlee’s last blog post..a new me.


  72. Whee! “midget-spasm” LMAO! I love it!

    Shades’s last blog post..Adventures in Babysitting


  73. From the recent comments, it seems you have a lot of editors reading your blog. And probably not many midgets. Or dwarves. Or dwarfs. And who’s responsible for “dwarfs” anyway? Is it Disney’s fault? They were always dwarves until that damn Snow White movie, weren’t they? Anyway, back to those editors. You seem to attract them. Does that worry you? If not, it should. Editors. Dwarves. Word. Wine.


  74. 74
    Just A. Reader

    Shit. I hate it when I post under the wrong name.


  75. This one really had me laughing my ass off. Except, well, my ass is still attached. Drat.

    Kyla’s last blog post..Not-exactly-normal


  76. I used to work with a 6 foot tall heavy set black guy who did a dead on lollipop guild dance, including the song. Hands down one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

    And the PS was hysterical.

    Cara’s last blog post..Dr. Internet


  77. even if you are a murderer, you are full o’ awesome magic.

    piglet’s last blog are always the coolest


  78. A cautionary tale: My friend Mark was trying to impress a blind date once by showing what a great “family guy” he could be. He saw some kids at another table and said, “Oh, look at those adorable little people!” He thought calling the kids “little people” was terribly clever because it just meant that they were little, and they were also people.

    Turns out, it was a family of ACTUAL little people, who heard him say how “cute the little people were” and I guess understandably took offense. The mother little person came over to his table and let a string of f-bombs fly while also calling him an insulting asshole.

    Needless to say, he didn’t get laid that night.

    bejewell’s last blog post..It’s Just a Blog


  79. I end arguments in my head waaaayy after the debate ALL. The. Time.

    This way I always win.

    Maternal Mirth’s last blog post..Classic Mirth: The One in Vegas


  80. My friend’s son is deathly afraid of the oompa-loompas, he says “little people scare me”. DUDE, you’re 4 feet tall at 10 years old… you ARE one of the little people.

    Even a 10 year old knows that the PC word is “height-challenged”!

    Anissa – Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..I have to wait in line for my “Worst parent of the year” award


  81. It would be great if you could stop calling me so early in the morning. Thanks.

    Deb (Missives From Suburbia)’s last blog post..An Introduction to Wellies


  82. Sometimes I find it helpful when I first wake up in the morning,before my feet even hit the floor, to just take a Xanax.


  83. The only random phone calls I get are in a language I don’t fully understand. For all I know people ARE calling me at 6 AM yelling about midgets.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Corrupting the Youth


  84. Well, since you felt bad for the “little guys” didn’t it make you feel even a little better to know that, at least, they ALL had lollipops?

    Sheila’s last blog post..Exhausted.


  85. Hilarious, and poor midgets!

    Michelle Glauser’s last blog post..GOP and Gmail Buddies


  86. Haha hilarious! I hate it when the best come-backs happen hours after the actual argument!

    Katie’s last blog post..So, How On Earth Do You Cook This?!


  87. It’s neither. The proper term is ‘elves’. Santa grows them at the North Pole, and sells them to Jesus, who uses them to guard his ballsack.

    Hay’s last blog post..I’ll see you two normal posts, and raise you a guest post. Otherwise known as, watchout below while I unload the contents of my head.


  88. I’d dialed the exact same wrong number again.

    Yes, and my wife would appreciate it if you would please take our home phone number off your speed-dial. The heavy breathing combined with invitations to phone sex combined with the screams of “Victor, it’s a BUSINESS call, dammit!” are driving my son nuts.

    Just kidding 🙂

    On a slightly different subject: Guess what I found? (See CommentLuv for answer. But not with a mouth full of food/drink, or a cat in your lap. I feel obligated to warn you.)


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Tastes great, looks like…


  89. I’ve been contemplating a post about these two dogs I saw having sex in the park while a squirrel looked on. Yet that would still put me a little short to get in the naughtiness to get me into the sex & relationships network. Here’s hoping I see some horses going at it on my drive home from work!

    Heather B.’s last blog post..Defective


  90. I want to live in your house.

    ~JJ!’s last blog post..I HEART WALL-E


  91. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    So I added it to my “shared” sidebar just incase BlogHer forgets to =)

    Nancy’s last blog post..Ev’ry heart beats true


  92. So, then what is an Oompa Loompa? My 4 yo son asked me if the “little person” waiting on us in the grocery store was indeed an Oopma Loompa.

    Karyn’s last blog post..A Journey Through Time


  93. I can’t stop laughing at this post. Seriously. I’m sending you the hospital bill when I start hyperventilating and pass out and hit my head on my desk and get carried out by EMT’s one whom will fall in love with me and try to be cute by sending me flowers in a bedpan.

    What? It could happen!

    P.S. I do the greatest imitation of Glinda the Good Witch EVER. NO LIE. 😀

    Fuzzball’s last blog post..You guessed it…


  94. You never fail to crack me up 🙂 YAY for a good laugh in the morning!

    Z’s last blog post..Synopsis of our Move


  95. Those little posers always piss me off. Lollipop Guild. That’s the best they could do? A gang named after a candy best known as a porno prop? I’d be all: Shorties, bring it on. I represent the Licorice Guild. Black Licorice. And I’m going to tie you up and whip you! Huh!

    Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..The Forties are Fierce!


  96. I think Victor has chosen the kickiest song ever for a shower. Does he know any songs from “Chitty, Chitty Bang, Bang”? My dear you must embrace our inner Musical Demon!

    Jenn’s last blog post..What’s With today, today?


  97. Victor doesn’t stand a chance. Surely he knows that, right?

    phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..good ole fashioned 4th


  98. Now that song is in my head. The song from the Baron in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang is a good one for disturbing shower fare…that movie is seriously dark. “Looooollllipops! Come and get your lolllipops!” Shudder.


  99. Seriously, you crack me up!

    Gliding through Motherhood’s last blog post..Canada Day photos after all


  100. I cannot get the image of the little Lollipop Guild Mayor out of my head. Wearing a green suit I think. And red hair, maybe.

    And you carrying him around in your purse.

    And now that’s how I’ll picture Victor. Always.

    mommypie’s last blog post..Twitterho has a dream.


  101. I have to tell you that you are my new work addiction. I spent the entire afternoon reading your archives.


  102. You know, I sometimes hum that song but had totally forgotten where it was from.

    What the fuckity was that song all about?

    LaLa’s last blog post..If I could go back and talk to 15 year old self.


  103. I think it was about oppression.


  104. “Buuuuurn you” is really the best comeback line of the century.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Rocking Out With Bill Gates


  105. 105

    Every time I feel like my weirdness must be so bad that it’s detrimental to my children, I read your blog and feel better about myself.

    Because the other day I was thinking about the difference about midgets and dwarves.

    Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..How To Be An Asshole


  106. I run a daycare and had one of the little girls out on errands with me when she shouted “A LITTLE PERSON!!! Awwwwww. Me and my Mom LOVE little people!! Aren’t they cute!?!” I’m sure the midget felt real good that a 6 year old thought he was cute. And now I can’t shake the vision of her and her mom excitedly pointing out little people they see from in the streets.

    Mama’s Losin’ It’s last blog post..Daycare Diaries: I Blame Society


  107. I NEVER thought anyone other than me thought those little people had a medical condition. I thought that they gave them injections to make them dance like that. Well, I thought the witch injected them. HELLO! She’s a WITCH!

    I love being married. When I say, “Buuuurn you!” like I did earlier this week, he can’t leave. I mean, forever. I hope. Crap.


  108. The difference between dwarfs and midgets is that midgets get offended and file lawsuits when you pick them up and shake them and dwarfs just kick your ass and hit you with an ax.


  109. OK. You are not going to believe this, but this is TOTALLY TRUE. My sister worked with a woman at American Airlines who used to take the bus to work and she would often run into one of the poor little guys who was in that movie as a very young boy and now was an old man (this was in the 90s). He would do that little click with his tongue and kick like one of the Lollipop Kids. She was pretty much creeped out by it. The poor guy was now a homeless alcoholic guy. He was either really the Lollipop guy or he was just pretending to be one and was doing a really great job. Very creepy she said. Sad and kind of funny all at the same creepy time. (OK I’m a horrible person)

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Enough Said!


  110. So basically tomorrow I think I’ll call a wrong number on purpose and be all inappropriate because how much fun?!?

    Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..I Feel so Strongly About it that Operation ALL CAPS has Been Instituted


  111. Lollipop Guild, Lollipop League or Munchkins. WTF?

    Ding-dong the witch is dead
    Which old witch? The wicked witch
    Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead
    Wake up you sleepyhead
    Rub your eyes, get out of bed
    Wake up the wicked witch is dead
    She’s gone where the goblins go
    Below – below – below
    Yo-ho, let’s open up and sing and ring the bells out
    Ding Dong’ the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
    Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead

    (Lullaby League)
    We represent the Lullaby League
    The Lullaby League, the Lullaby League
    And in the name of the Lullaby League
    We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land

    (Lollipop Guild)
    We represent the Lollipop Guild
    The Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild
    And in the name of the Lollipop Guild
    We wish to welcome you to Munchkin Land

    Sing away My Pretties.

    Polka Dot Mommy’s last blog post..More Mommy to Love


  112. You know my feed reader keeps saying to me ‘New post from the Bloggess’ and I do the happy dance and then realise that it is this one again. Then 10 minutes later the feedreader screams at me NEW FROM THE BLOGGESS! And again this post.

    And I am all ‘I have already commented on this post fucker, do your job RIGHT or I will go and shmooze up to Google reader’

    And then 4 hours later the feedreader taps me on the shoulder and tells me NEW FROM THE BLOGGESS and it is the same freaking post AGAIN.

    You paying my feedreader woman? Or has Bloglines like fallen totally in love with you and wants to have your babies?

    Kelley’s last blog post..Mosh!


  113. Kelley – I think that Bloglines must be stuck in a temporal loop or something. At least it’s better than being in one where you get sick and blow chunks all over a radio station studio while your kid says “Come watch Mommy drink like a pig” or something like that.


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Hell’s Kitchen: The Season Finale, Part II (the final showdown)


  114. So basically tomorrow I think I’ll call a wrong number on purpose and be all inappropriate because how much fun?!?

    I would heartily suggest that the number you call be something other than 9-1-1.


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Something concrete for Wordless Wednesday


  115. I added the poppies quote to the imdb site for wizard of oz. can you believe no one found that significant. i mean come on! POPPIES, OPIUM, SLEEPING/NODDING OUT. WTF…

    ALWAYS, BUDDY’s last blog post..randominia


  116. ok, sorry, but now all i can think about is what victor looks like in the shower….

    always buddy’s last blog post..quote


  117. Just as I thought this story couldn’t be funnier, my silent chuckle turns into a full-blow-out Laugh. Loved it! I wonder what the guy thought.

    Angela’s last blog post..Sick and Tired


  118. Oh my God. That was the most hilarious thing I have read all week.

    Rachael’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: 5 Years Ago (7/12/03)


  119. someone was unexpectedly served a side order of awesomeness with their eggs at 6am. I dont think i could be angry if someone accidentally called me that early and yelled at me about midgets.

    fidget’s last blog post..Putting Children In Peril


  120. I am freaking out that I am only 1.1 inches away from being a midget according to h<a href=”” Guess I’ll need to go back to my 80s hairdo or start wearing a beehive.

    Janet’s last blog post..Do you apologize for the mess in your house?


  121. Sometimes you remind me of “Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey”

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Dude, High School Is OVER


  122. you weren’t kidding about reading this only if not easily offended. next.


  123. I just found your site today, very funny stuff. However, this post, OMG! I have tears in my eyes from laughing so frackin hard! Good stuff!


  124. Jenny, you are a saint.
    Imagine getting a phone call like that in the morning.
    You made somebody awake, real awake AND you gave him something to think about.
    Hard act for TV and morning paper to follow.
    Want my phone number?

    Wilma’s last blog post..Habits are like thoughts. Chose the good ones.


  125. This is my first hour ever reading anything you’ve written (by way of Amalah), and even though I usually avoid posting comments when more than 30 people have already commented cause it makes me self conscience that the blogger isn’t going to read it anyway, I have to tell you that this is my favorite post I’ve ever read on a blog. Ever.

    That dance those “little people” did scared and saddened me so much when I was little. I thought they were twitching uncontrollably, too. Plus I had no idea they were saying the word “guild”, so it just sounded like a bunch of nonsensical ramblings…much like this comment.

    Georgia’s last blog post..Randoms


  126. Dwarfism is a disease midgates are not. It is offensive to term someone as a midget,it is not so in the case of dwarfs.Dwarfism is associated with both plants and animals while Midgets are only humans.


    sachin recently posted Why I hate my Life? How to cope up with this.

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