And now I totally want a pet chicken

So this weekend my friend Erin invited me to this special blogger event at the Houston Museum of Natural Science to celebrate a new dinosaur exhibit and to meet brilliant scientists but I didn’t have a babysitter so I brought my 4 year old because it’s illegal to leave her in a closet even if the cats are in there with her.  Then Erin ushered Hailey and me into the private lab and then a live chicken attacked me.  It didn’t really attack me so much as it just walked up to me, but when you aren’t expecting a live chicken to confront you it kind of feels like an assault.  Then the chicken perched itself on my shoulder for the next hour where it tried occassionally to peck out my earring.  Her name was “Schmaltzie Nugget” and Erin said she was there to show us that chickens are just like dinosaurs, which I guess means dinosaurs taste delicious.

The lab had a weird mix of dirt, chickens, live piranhas and very eccentric scientists who were extremely entertaining and didn’t bat an eye when I mentioned that I’d grown up in a house with a bathtub of raccoons and a professional taxidermist for a father.  Then one of them told me his wife found a dead dog and was boiling the flesh off it to put the bones together to find out what kind it was and that’s when it kind of felt like I was home. 

Then this guy wandered in and he looked like my dad if my dad had been living in his car for two weeks and he looked at this sign on the freezer that said “Do not open” and he read it out loud and then shrugged and totally opened it and I didn’t ask what was in there because then he started talking about how some exec at the museum had the heart of a 10 year old boy and that’s probably where he stored it and I wondered why they let the janitor open freezers that clearly said not to open them and then Erin introduced the janitor as Dr. Bakker, who is a totally famous and brilliant paleontologist and not a janitor at all.  Also, according to his wikipedia page, an actor actually played him in Jurassic Park 2 and was eaten by a T-Rex, and if I was him that would totally be how I’d introduce myself to everyone:   “Hi, you may know me from being eaten by dinosaurs in Jurassic Park 2.  Also, I have a PhD from Harvard.  Sorry I look homeless.” 

Hailey attached herself to him immediately because, like her mother, she likes weird guys and they made molds of dinosaur parts.

Then my friend Erica O’Grady walked in and she asked why I’d brought a chicken with me which was kind of insulting but also kind of fair since the last time she’d seen me I was somewhat inappropriately naked on national TV.  And it was also sort of indicative of my status as a blogger because I’m standing next to a blogger who just returned from a red carpter, star-studded Emmy party in LA and I’m wearing a chicken like some kinda fucked-up pirate. 

Then the famous paleontologist dude started this really deep conversation about whether acceptance of evolution leads to increased ethical behavior and the other people in the room were all super smart and were quoting people I’d never heard of and some other scientist solemnly said that “knowledge could be a curse” and I was all “Yeah!  Like with the cyclopses!” and then it got silent and I explained that Cyclops know the day that they are going to die and it makes them clinically depressed and I was a little surprised that they didn’t learn that in college and then after that I just tried to stay quiet.  Then we made some fossil molds of giant T-rex teeth and Hailey tried to put them in her mouth, which was very funny and also probably toxic and she was yelling, “My toofs grew!” and I was very glad she was there because she was the only person there who made me look intelligent in comparison. 

Then I remembered that the last time I was at the museum I went to the butterfly exhibit and some stranger offered me a bug to eat and I totally ate it and it tasted like a cheeto, if cheetos were made of bugs.  Also I had to explain to Hailey that taking candy from a stranger was totally forbidden but turning down the chance to eat a bug was just stupid and I’m pretty sure she got it  she probably didn’t get it at all that I’m the worst mother ever.  So then this time I went back to the butterfly exhibit and found the Insect-O-Matic vending machine that the stranger got the bugs from and bought a whole package of BBQ larvae for you, gentle reader.  It’s kind of a pathetic apology gift because I might be MIA for a little bit because I have to write a book so I may be taking a small break to refocus because I have a book inside me and I’m going to get it out even if I have to forcibly squeeze it out of my vagina.  Because that’s what the world needs.  A book squeezed out of my vagina.

Anyway, leave a comment to enter the “Oh-I-won-some-bugs-to-eat-apparently” contest and I’ll randomly choose a lucky winner next week.

PS.  Dude.  I just looked at the package of BBQ Larvets and there’s only 9 calories in the whole fucking box.  Larvets are totally the new rice cake.

 Comment of the day: I had a pet chicken. His name was midnight. He did tricks, and was trained. He came when you called him, and he’d sing, and he’d dance.   Then my dog bit his head off one night because I forgot to close the door to his coop. ~ Maria

*******************

We have a “winner”.  I asked Hailey to pick a number to see who gets to eat the BBQ larvae and she chose “1,000” which is flattering but useless, so I told her to try again and pick a number under 225 and she chose 21 which belongs to Steph, who didn’t want to win the bugs at all but is now pretty much required to eat them.  Such is life.  The people who don’t want to eat bugs have them mailed to them with threatening letters about children starving in Africa, and the people who desperately want to eat bugs never get the medical attention they need.

234 replies. read them below or add one

  1. What an awesome trip!

    Lotta’s last blog post..What Happens When The Kids Have A Sleepover

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  2. Isn’t $2 a little steep for barbequed larvae? And you totally make that chicken work.

    Captain Dumbass’s last blog post..World War Z

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  3. That is totally the cutest chicken I’ve ever seen. Did it poop down your back??? Cause they do that.

    kat’s last blog post..Ike Approaches – Pictures

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  4. It totally didn’t poop on me at all but it did peck my teeth once which scared the shit out of me but which the scientist said I should take as a compliment since they like shiny things.

    Like

  5. Who doesn’t bring their own chicken with them? I mean, it’s just in bad taste to borrow someone else’s. The last time I let someone use my chicken, she came back with several unidentifiable stains and she was knocked up.

    jenboglass (steenky bee)’s last blog post..The Five Spot (Formerly The Friday Five)

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  6. This is hysterical…it’s almost hard to believe it is true! Thank gods that blogs exist so this experience can be shared.

    Liz’s last blog post..Scholar for hire…inexpensive but not cheap!

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  7. That looks like you had a great time.
    I want those bugs! rofl. I’m sick like that though…when my husband and I found bertie bots every flavour jelly beans (or whatever the hell the name is) I totally fed him the gross shit, like vomit, boogers, ear wax, etc. After he ate the vomit one, I thought he was going to kill me!

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  8. Just be sure that after you squeeze that book out of your vagina, you wipe it all clean before you share it with all of us. I’ll have that with a side of Insecty Poofs, thank you.

    F.’s last blog post..But I know I am lucky.

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  9. I’m really happy that I’m a vegetarian, because if I ever take the Birdy to a science museum, and they want me to eat a bug, I can be all “No thanks *sniff* I’m a vegetarian.”

    But the same guy better not offer me sushi later because I’ll get busted as only mostly vegetarian.

    daisybones’s last blog post..this is me backing up, chilling out.

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  10. What kind of fucked up trip was this? I think I may have nightmares.

    Like

  11. Schmaltzie Nugget looks about as pleased with the whole situation as you do.

    Amy @ Taste Like Crazy’s last blog post..Cool Hand Luke

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  12. Hope the vagina squeezing is a success. 😉

    Like

  13. Oh, my goodness. I don’t know what’s funnier…the mistaken scientist, the chicken perched on your shoulder like a misinformed parrot or the bbq larvae.

    Hmmmmm……..great post.

    Emily’s last blog post..Stolen from Captain Dumbass

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  14. I hope your book has rounded corners or that motherfucker’s gonna hurt coming out, baby.

    Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..Weekly Winners, September 21-27

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  15. When the wife and I used to live in Houston (before kids), we went to the Sci. museum often. It is a great museum.

    My family and I went to a local museum where they had the Crick-ettes to eat. My youngest who hasn’t eaten a meal in her 6 years on this planet, LOVED the crickets. We were out for a hike and kept begging to eat more crickets.

    As a mother, you can understand my plight. Please, help me feed my kids. 🙂

    Advanced congrats and best of luck on the impending book. I can’t wait to read it.

    Daddy Joe’s last blog post..A Laurel and Hardy Daddy Daughter Date

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  16. OK, OK, but did the janitor, er… dr. bakker, clean the fossilized poop in his mouth?

    Ed Schipul’s last blog post..2008 Sarasota International Design Summit

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  17. I would love a pet chicken. And a pet duck. Probably I would love the duck more and this would make the chicken mad and it would likely peck out my eyes while I was sleeping.

    And my dogs would probably eat it.

    Perhaps I shouldn’t get a chicken.

    Cat’s last blog post..night out

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  18. Krull! Krull??

    I don’t usually do this, but, will you marry me?

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..How to Abuse a Friendship in 500 Words or Less

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  19. So I don’t know what I’m going to do with you going missing for a while, and I’m not sure I want to win any larvets, but how could I not comment on such a cool afternoon.

    Good luck with the book. Please don’t go so far as to perform a self c-section just to get the book out though.

    MammaLoves’s last blog post..I’m Breaking Up With My Orthopedist

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  20. I take this post to mean that you hereby give Dr. Ding all your bloggy rights & privileges thereunto appertaining. Or something. Basically I get to cut & paste the contents of TheBloggess.com into my own blog. For purposes of world domination, you see. Which makes it totally okay.

    Right?

    Dr. Ding’s last blog post..Ike III: How To Keep From Going Batshit Crazy

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  21. This is the best post i’ve read in the longest time. Hurry up with that book already. And is the winner required to actually eat the bugs?

    Steph

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  22. OMG! I am so jealous that you got to meet Dr. Bakker! I love him and would have fainted, and possibly humped his leg simultaniously upon meeting him. (Yes, even with that chicken on my shoulder.) He is so the reason that I wanted to be an Archaeologist…and now I am going to finish my degree if it is the last thing I do.

    I was told that I am supposed to write a book too. All of this time though, I have been trying to make it come out of my brain, maybe pushing it out of my vagina would be easier. Then we could start a whole series of books “Pushed out of our vaginas” but only if you are cool with it. Because I so don’t want to steal you thunder, or anything. Plus there is no way in hell mine is going to be as funny as yours.

    Mrs. Tantrum’s last blog post..Tuning Out

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  23. The chicken would’ve sent me over the mothereffing edge. They’re yummy and cute and all. But they scare me too.

    Like

  24. I love homeless doctors! They’re the best kind! Didn’t Dr. Red Duke look a little homeless too?

    Anyway, I’ll miss you, so you have to hurry back. Because it’s all about me. At least in my head it is.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Wait! I Teach Religion?

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  25. The world does need a book from you. Even if it is squeezed from your vagina.

    Chag’s last blog post..Beating Bill Simmons: Week Four

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  26. I’m just going to throw the adoption idea out there. And by that, I mean, I would like you to adopt me and become the woman who totes me along with her on her field trips.
    Although I’m prone to temper tantrums, I’m completely potty trained and promise to be on my best behavior.

    sherendipity’s last blog post..Alright, lay it on me

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  27. I bet those scientists ate up the experience of having a 4 year old in the lab. I bet they all decided to be paleontologists when they were 4 years old and are hoping to mold a young mind. I bet it totally works too 😉

    Kat’s last blog post..Saturday Morning Mix Metallica Style

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  28. Dude. Pirates should have had chickens instead of parrots. It would have been a replenishing food source on the ship! And also, it could peck someone’s eyes out. Just sayin’.

    Kyla’s last blog post..Totally tubular

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  29. You’re awesomeness never ceases to amaze.
    People who can see the world threw fresh eyes and then have the intelligence to share it.
    You really have a gift.
    Thank you for exercising it.

    Like

  30. Oh wait,
    That’s not a scratch and sniff book is is?

    Like

  31. I know that guy! I’m pretty sure that he was walking down the street in NYC pushing a shopping cart covered with filled plastic bags…. filled with who-knows-what.

    I would eat anything once, I think, but I would more likely feed them to my kids. That’s why I am an awesome mom. 🙂

    Like

  32. That scientist looks like my Dad AFTER he stopped living in his car. Like my Dad after an extreme makeover.

    Like

  33. I think I enjoyed your recounting of this event even more than watching Hailey run around with T. rex/walrus teeth. And that’s really saying something, because Hailey is awesome. 🙂

    A few things:

    The story about the Cyclops was brilliant – so much so that it flew right over our heads. I had no idea they know the date of their own deaths. Cool. Well, not for them, obviously.

    With Dr. Bakker, people make that mistake all the time. They either recognize him and geek out or think that the Museum really should beef up it’s security. I kind of wish he could carry his wikipedia entry around with him as some kind of projection/hologram.

    Ed, unfortuntately, no one found any fossil poop. In fact, I think you guys took it all because we poured the 290-million-year old dirt out and everyone was all “that’s just dirt,” and our paleontologists were all “hey, you’re right, maybe we ought to bring out something people can’t actually just see in their backyards” and then we saw some fossil bones. But no poop.

    Book?!? Awesome! I can’t wait to read it!

    Like

  34. I remember the larvae/Cheetos post because I TOTALLY misunderstood and thought you had bought some Cheetos that turned out to have bugs in them. Would somebody at the Larvettes packaging company get in trouble if a Cheeto (is there a singular form of Cheetos?) was mistakenly added to the package?

    Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..Ooh, Pretty Colors!

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  35. Did you know this is p=666 of your blog? Clearly Satan is at work. First with the triple sixes and then with the BREAK.

    But I will patiently wait for your vagina book.

    patty’s last blog post..rewingdangdoo to early september

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  36. That sounds like no trip to a museum that I’ve ever taken. Because if they were like that, I would go to museums much more often!

    Are those real bugs in the packets or, you know candy and crap?

    Elisa’s last blog post..Here Comes the Sun!

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  37. OK, I’m having a major science geek moment here. Bakker is, like, the most famous disheveled paleontologist ever. And that’s saying something.

    Steve’s last blog post..Ben & Jerry’s May Lay Off 11,000 Bovine Workers

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  38. Somehow I missed that your dad was a taxidermist. Or I thought you were joking. That totally explains a lot. I also thought you were joking about the chicken being on your shoulder, but there it is!

    Good for you for writing a book and all, but I’m annoyed at losing my regular Blogess fix. Clearly my needs were not taken into account.

    Lunasea’s last blog post..Sams Holaween

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  39. If you google corpralite, you can see pics of dino poop. Truly. People wear them as jewelry.

    I have a few dino bones I’m going to cut into…just never found any poop…yet.

    Like

  40. I’m not sure that I want to win, but I definitely had to comment that you must have been a pirate in the past…no women could pull off a chicken on her shoulder like that unless they were. Period.

    p.s. What’s the book about? Vaginas?

    Like

  41. Okay.. first.. chickens are evil spawn of the devil and you’re darn lucky Nugget didn’t turn on you and eat your face. Don’t ask me how I know.

    Second, if you intend to push a book out of your vagina, I hope it’s the children’s squishy kind of book or at least paperback.. or that you have an uber tough, iron clad vagina.. in which case, Nugget probably sensed that and that’s why she didn’t peck your eyes out.

    Because that’s what chickens are.. evil little peckers.

    Mahala’s last blog post..County Fairs, Eddie Izzard and The Beatles

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  42. Dude, you are just all kinds of awesome.

    Alli {Mrs. Fussypants}’s last blog post..Fight the Frump- Baby fat & blogging butt!

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  43. Dude. Do I *have* to win?

    wordnerd’s last blog post..Sixteen Days Later

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  44. They didn’t know about Cyclops? Did they never watch a Sinbad movie? And they call themselves educated.

    Like

  45. Ican’t get over Salt and Pepper larvae….I just can’t.

    Like

  46. You are totally my hero, so I’m going to ignore your accidental mis-grammaring of “Erin ushered Haley and I,” when it clearly should read, “Haley and me.”

    (God, I always do that. I spelled “piranha” wrong too. ~Jenny)

    Like

  47. Holy cow, this was the best post EVER! I loved it.

    I didn’t know that about Cyclops.

    And that really smart guy with the beard? He rocks.

    Rhea’s last blog post..You only thought you knew me…

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  48. This post had everything in it I could ever hope for:

    a pirate chicken, a bathtub full of raccoons, a clinically depressed cyclops, a scientific janitor, BBQ’d larvets and a book-squeezing vagina. If you’re going to leave us for a bit, this is the way to do it.

    Lesley’s last blog post..If You Got Here By Googling “Boobs In My Face” I’m Guessing This Probably Isn’t The Type of Site You Were Actually Looking For

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  49. You tried to distract us with your long, entertaining story about a chicken. I’ve been distracted by chickens one to many times in my day.
    Oh and good luck with your book.

    gingela5’s last blog post..Ok, Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One…

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  50. I can’t wait to read a book squeezed out of your vagina. But please don’t go away for too long.

    Also, this post? Explains a lot.

    And I’m jealous because I wish we lived near a cool museum where homeless-looking dudes with Harvard Phd’s would make molds of dinosaur teef with my kids. That would rock.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..Tina Fey Rocks As Sarah Palin Again

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  51. The whole thing, chicken, janitor, vagina book.

    Like

  52. I went to the blogger preview on Tuesday night instead of Saturday. If I had been there Saturday I would have had your back because I totally knew about the cyclops thing.

    Good luck with your book.

    Like

  53. No, you’re not the worst mother ever. That would be the woman in my town who got arrested for being so drunk at 1:30 in the afternoon on Labor Day that her six year old son tried to rouse her by throwing buckets of alternately scalding and freezing water, and when her skin started to bubble up from being burned, had to call 911 and they called the police and found her in a dead drunken stupor.

    You wear your chicken well, by the way.

    manager mom’s last blog post..A Little Help Please…

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  54. I don’t even want a box of bugs! NO THANKS! I’ve had cricket lickets, larvae on pizza, and ants dipped in creme de menthe and then rolled in chocolate, and I can safely say THANKS BUT NO!

    But I did want to say, good luck with the book. My first comes out this spring and I’m probably going to be bald, and an alcoholic by the time it comes out, but by damned, it’s coming out! Although, I’m not shooting it out my vajayjay!

    Auds at Barking Mad’s last blog post..Little Miss Marker

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  55. I don’t really want the larvets. Also: I wish you weren’t taking a bloggy break, but I wish you success in your book squeezing extravaganza!

    Love the picture of you with the chicken. But your eye patch appears to be missing. Arrrr, matey!

    Trish’s last blog post..Logical song

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  56. Please do not enter me to win.

    Like

  57. I am leaving a comment in horrified fascination. BBQ insects?

    Like

  58. Holy shit, and I thought I was crazy for wanting a pet chicken! A few weeks ago at the farmers market, my favorite vendor lady FOUND a baby chicken wandering the neighborhood so she took it in, bought it a cage and a chicken run, the whole 9 yards. She brought him to the market with her and he totally just hung out on her shoulder.. cutest thing ever.

    And good luck with that book, no matter which orifice it comes out of!

    Candace’s last blog post..Fear and loathing in SLC

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  59. i can not even read this post because i’m so bothered by the pictures.

    std = birds.

    katie hates birds’s last blog post..sicktastic

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  60. What the lovely Miss O’Grady did not tell you is that in LA, chickens are the new purse dog.

    the slackmistress’s last blog post..Gone Fishin’

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  61. OMG, OBGYN! FYI, I totally need those larva.

    I went to Thailand and I totally missed out on eating bugs–even though I know they were there somewhere. I just need them. I’ve been ruing the day(s) ever since–even though I loved it there and I’m totally going to move back there and become an ex-pat or something.

    LARVA!!!11!!!!1!!1!!!!!one!11!!!!

    Sleep Deprivation Ninja’s last blog post..100 Word Challenge: Moral

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  62. Best blog post ever! It has all of the elements that all best blog post evers do. Children not being locked in closets (with or without cats), real people upon whom movie characters were based (who also look like hobos, but are not hobos), yummy low-cal food shaped like totally un-appetizing things, and casual use of the word vagina in a funny and somehow appropriate context.

    Thank you for that.

    Where can I pre-order your book?

    Like

  63. I’m not quite sure what to say about the pet chicken OR the “bug as a snack” vending machine. Interesting day!

    Anjie’s last blog post..I’m feeling the heat (Indian Summer heat that is) FTF

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  64. Wow… that was hilarious. I so wish I could just follow you around in a non-creepy, non-stalkerish kind of way and just see how this kind of thing happens because I would totally love to be able to do thinks like this with my kids. Maybe I just need to write more on my own blog and then crazy stuff like this would happen to me, too.

    Like

  65. Oh man. Do you know how insanely cool my kids would think I am if I said “Guy! We got bugs in the mail! I’m going to eat them!!” It would be the best.

    Lisa’s last blog post..Pre Flight

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  66. I had a pet chicken. His name was midnight. He did tricks, and was trained. He came when you called him, and he’d sing, and he’d dance.

    Then my dog bit his head of one night because I forgot to close the door to his coop.

    Maria’s last blog post..BusyDad: FuckShitStupid

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  67. Off. Not of. Damn.

    DON’T TELL ME I’M POSTING COMMENTS TOO QUICKLY!!

    Maria’s last blog post..BusyDad: FuckShitStupid

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  68. If that book is coming out of your vagina, I hope that it is hermetically sealed because dude… you EAT BUGS and god knows what kind of cooties you got girl. But I’ll still buy the book even if it isn’t hermetically sealed even though the odds are I’ll get the one that was squeezed out of some sweatshop bloggesses vagina because I could never score one that was an original vaginal squeezed edition. I can’t believe I just said vagina so many times in a rough without coughing uncomfortably once. I deserve a drink and I don’t mind if I do.

    katie ~ motherbumper’s last blog post..motherbumper on modern dentistry

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  69. I want the bugs. It’ll make me feel better about that fact that I don’t have my very own tranny legos. And I have chickens. Do you think they would survive the trip to Texas if I shoved them in an envelope and sent them parcel post?

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..A glut of birthdays

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  70. 9 calories?

    Dude I could eat those all day long and never go over my Weight Watchers Points. Whoopee.

    Must have!

    Like

  71. Dang it. I get no comment luv plug-in’s and my name is not clickable.

    What the hell?

    Mrs. F’s last blog post..Eff Yoo eBay

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  72. OK, that’s better.

    Yay.

    Sorry.

    Mrs. F’s last blog post..Eff Yoo eBay

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  73. OK, don’t be offended if I don’t really want the larvettes or whatever they are called, but I just wanted to wish you well and say I’ll miss you while you’re off squeezing.

    mayberry’s last blog post..Bend it like (Victoria) Beckham

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  74. ‘Mommy, where do books come from?’ um.. yeah. You have a Mary Poppins carpet-bag vagina, don’t you…

    Want me some crunchy bugs.. mmmmm..

    churchpunkmom’s last blog post..Guess I’m just a bad apple after all..

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  75. I need your friends because my friends never take me anywhere fun. They just ask me to water their plants while they go fun places. Maybe I should see that as a sign. I prefer to think that they see me as responsible. Yeah, that’s it.

    Cara’s last blog post..Carpe Diem

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  76. Wow. My local museum has wooden puzzles, not a bug vending machine. I’m wicked jealous. I’ve also never been ridden by a chicken. So I’m pretty much swallowed by jealousy right now, and if I show up at your house with a wig like your BlogHer wig, demanding that we trade lives, I’d say you should agree, because you need to share the bugs and chickens and stuff. It’s only fair. Plus, I totally have… um… some stuff that is awesome. Hold on while I try to find something as cool as crunchy bug snacks and chickens that ride your shoulder. Maybe this big bag of yarn has something neat inside it.

    superblondgirl’s last blog post..Scatterbrained

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  77. The chicken reminded me of a time I was holding a spider monkey at the zoo. It had diarrhea on my arm, the handler said it was because of the print on my “busy” jacket. So I am suppose to believe my fashion choice was so bad that I made the monkey sick.
    The only thing our local museum has is a lousy, too bright planetarium.
    P.S. Your daughter is adorable.

    Like

  78. It is *so* hard to accessorize a chicken.

    Barbara’s last blog post..“Lay Back and Raise Hell”

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  79. Look at you hob nobbing with famous scientists. And I can’t believe that you didn’t photoshop a patch over your eye in the picture of you and the chicken.

    (And don’t feel bad about the cyclops comment. Myth is an important way of viewing our world. They should know that.)

    Good luck with the book. (I just pictured it sitting in the bookstore, all dripping with amniotic fluid.)

    Wendy’s last blog post..Embroidered Shade

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  80. Um, can I comment to NOT win the buggy goodness? That’d be fine. Thanks, though!

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..The reasons why

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  81. See if that chicken can give you advice on laying–er–squeezing an oval-shaped book out of your lady parts. You know…because cornerson a regular book would totally hurt. Also wondering if that machine had any Dos Equis-flavored butterfly urine to go with the BBQ bugs. You can’t eat barbeque without beer.

    apathy lounge’s last blog post..Rest In Peace, Butch Cassidy

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  82. How appropriate that you quit on post #666. That can’t be good.

    Jessica’s last blog post..A Quick Peek…

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  83. Well, this just explains a whole lot… 😐

    😉

    My husband has a fan following among the preschool boys for eating bugs.

    Alexia’s last blog post..My “F you” picture from the archives

    Like

  84. […] left a comment on the Bloggess’ post today. And then I read I might win some of these because I left a comment. Can I take the comment […]

    Like

  85. Oh, now, see, I am really not a fan of BBQ flavoring. If you’d picked the cheddar cheese version I’d have been all over them like flies on, well, a dead thing.

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..Paul Newman 1925-2008

    Like

  86. Dammit. I wasn’t done writing.

    I think it’s awesome that you’re birthing a book and I would like to get a copy of it next week. Get on that, would you please?

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..Paul Newman 1925-2008

    Like

  87. Thank Chuck for the archives! I’ll miss you terribly but damnit, I can’t wait to read your book (after it’s wiped clean that is). Did I mention I review books? On three no four websites and an online magazine?

    That chicken totally makes me want to go and make homemade mole and pour it over chicken.
    I’m hungry.

    Gina’s last blog post..Fiestas Patrias Dinner Downsized

    Like

  88. I am so totally jealous! This sounded like such a FUN trip! Especially the fact that I missed out on eating BBQ larvae. YUM! Oh, that and having the chicken sit on my shoulder. How special!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..New Shoes

    Like

  89. Just make sure you keep the book under 300 pages or they may mark you for a c-section. And do your kegels! Those books can do all types of damage coming out!

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Okay, so we may have kept her out a LITTLE bit past her bedtime..

    Like

  90. Museums are where weird things happen. It’s a fact. Good luck squeezing the book out, and you showed remarkable aplomb about the freakin’ chicken. So not okay, chicken.

    becky’s last blog post..Fun Toy Flursday: More Cowbell

    Like

  91. I don’t know, the BBQ is so… 80’s. If you have some with chipolte cheese in the center I would consider taking one out of the package and looking at it for a while – before I pop it into The Mister’s mouth while he’s sleeping in front of the television.

    Cynthia Conciatu’s last blog post..Don’t Give Your New Bride The Vapours!

    Like

  92. See? It’s this kind of stuff that gives Texas a bad name. Where else can you pose with a chick on your shoulder a museum? I’m from Texas too so I can rag on us if I want. 🙂

    The Stiletto Mom’s last blog post..Awards Season!

    Like

  93. OMG I love this post and am totally and completely jealous that you got to hang out with brilliant paleontologists for the afternoon. When I was a kid, that’s what I wanted to be when I grew up. It was the longest, coolest sounding word I knew. “English professor” is not nearly as cool. And doesn’t come with an awesome homeless guy beard either.

    P.S. If you enter this comment to win the larvets, I will be very sad because I DO NOT want them. If I win them, I will be even sadder. And forced to host a contest for some kind of even grosser edible that I will then fix, so that you will win it no matter whether you enter it or not, just so I can read the blog post you write about eating THAT little “delicacy.” And now that my PS is effectively longer than my comment, my work here is done. Happy Sunday!

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Send in the Clowns (and win free circus tickets!)

    Like

  94. Sounds like a great time! What I wouldn’t give to have a chicken on my shoulder!

    Jo~Jo’s last blog post..It’s Not About You, Is It?!

    Like

  95. Although I’m excited about your Vagina Monologue, I am pissed because your taking a break is obviously part of my curse. No matter what, everything that I discover (I discovered you only about a week ago) and decide that I really, really like gets discontinued shortly thereafter. Grooming products. People. Blogs. Food brands. You name it. I am doomed to be ungroomed, friendless, hungry, and without reading material. Crap.

    Like

  96. the chicken would have been totally stoked if you had shared your cheeto larvae. but you didn’t, did you? and i bet it DID poop on you which is what was the dead giveaway that you were not in possession of a PhD.

    my daughter ate one of those things at the san diego zoo, which was indicative to me that she is not really my daughter, much as she resembles me. i would NEVER eat larvae. in front of other people.

    gwendomama’s last blog post..Outreach Smackdown

    Like

  97. Hi. That was awesome. You are awesome.

    zandor’s last blog post..I can’t sleep so I guess i’ll write.

    Like

  98. Chuck, what a way to make an exit! Wishing you the very best of luck with the book.

    xxx

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..And Then The Bitch Quit Blogging To Go And Write The Great American Novel, Whoop De Fucking Doo

    Like

  99. 99
    Megan Maguire

    Oh, you can hit me w/ some larvettes, if I win. 🙂

    Like

  100. omg. That is the coolest damn event ever. I LOVE the homeless paleontologist and the chicken is the icing on the CAKE. I mean the chicken on the salad. I mean….you know what I mean.

    Like

  101. Your field trips are better than mine. Way better.

    Oh, and how many carbs in the Larva Rice Cakes?

    juliejulie’s last blog post..Action Jeans!

    Like

  102. I think this means that I had barbecued dinosaur last night. Mmmmm. Tasty.

    Captain Steve’s last blog post..Twilight – Stephenie Meyer

    Like

  103. OK, retraction: You ARE hot when you have a cock on your shoulder.

    Like

  104. Taking a break…

    By Jenny (bloggess and mom of a 4 yo) Hi, I suck. I thought I could blog and write a book all at the same time but I can’t so I’m taking a small break for a week or two……

    Like

  105. I totally want a pack of bugs so I can give them out on halloween, claiming them to be made out of jelly. Then I’ll laugh to myself all night.

    Like

  106. I had two pet chickens: chicken shit and pecker head.

    shonda’s last blog post..The Death of an Immortal

    Like

  107. Can I be your best friend please?

    perksofbeingme’s last blog post..Simply Sunday

    Like

  108. Is that a book in your vagina or are you just happy to see me?

    The Cotton Wife’s last blog post..Shopping in a Small Town

    Like

  109. Oh dear Bloggess .. I am totally going to miss you while you grow that book inside of you and then squeeeeze it out of your vagina. Let me know how that works out .. it HAS to be easier than squeezing a baby out. Although.. of the five babies Ive squeezed out of my vagina, wouldnt you know that the 10lb 10oz baby was the easiest to get out?? (coincidentally he is now the hardest one to deal with..what the hell gives there?)
    Anyway .. good luck with the book . .please done be gone gone gone for too long .. as I now only live for THREE .. count them THREE blogs, and yours happens to be on top.
    Love
    Madness

    Madness’s last blog post..BEE-ESS

    Like

  110. Way cool that you met a celeb paleontologist. The only one I sorta know is Ross Geller. WAIT…you could be his Phoebe!

    simplypink’s last blog post..things are closer to normal when the fast food returns

    Like

  111. btw: I promise that wasn’t a put-down because I love Phoebe.

    simplypink’s last blog post..things are closer to normal when the fast food returns

    Like

  112. PS. Bloggess .. Perhaps I shouldnt sign After School Detention forms for my 7th grade son immediately after reading your blog. My son was given an after school detention for being “tardy to class” and where normally I would say “Respect authority, serve your detention” .. this time I had just finished reading The Bloggess and my written reply on his detention form was this:
    “Being tardy does not warrant an after school detention and Daniel will NOT be serving this. (Mainly because it is an inconvenience to me)”
    I totally just earned bitchiest parent in the entire school .. all thanks to you.
    Love
    Madness

    Madness’s last blog post..BEE-ESS

    Like

  113. Bwhahaha, so that’s what a Texas pirate looks like.

    Jim’s last blog post..Thanks and Nods

    Like

  114. Ummm…it should be a crime for someone with a life THIS interesting NOT to have a blog. That’s what I said. Could I please win those bugs?

    The Dumbest Smart Girl You Know’s last blog post..Do you have a

    Like

  115. If anyone can pull off the chicken on your shoulder look, it’s you! Endlessly amusing.

    Like

  116. I could have done any flavor but BBQ. Ew.

    califmom’s last blog post..Back to Not Sleeping.

    Like

  117. My mom and dad have chickens. They’re totally creepy. The way they look at you, and then move their head around? Ugh. Gives me nightmares.

    Another thing that would give me nightmares is eating bugs. Nope. Not gonna happen, and I’ve eaten some weird things in my day. Like rattlesnake.

    Wendy’s last blog post..Confessions of an Earth-Murderer

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  118. I’m serious. Do not show up at my house with the larvae. Barnes could go Kung Fu on someone’s ass. I’m just saying.

    Like

  119. I hope the book is shrink-wrapped… because the last place you want any paper cuts is THERE.

    Vanessa’s last blog post..An Open Letter to Steve Jobs

    Like

  120. We have a special section at the bookstore for vaginally-produced books, which is kind of odd when you consider BN isn’t really *that type* of bookstore, but there are times when it seems like it. Not when your book would be there, though. I’d make sure of that. You can trust me to be sure your book, however it comes to pass, is represented with care.

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..i like big twits and i cannot lie

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  121. First of all, if I’m going to be eating anything that’s BBQ flavored, it’s going to be Schmalzie Nugget. Her name already has ‘nugget’ in it for goodness sakes. That’s like naming a cow ‘Greta Burger’. It’s a little morbid, but also kind of tempting.
    Second, good luck with the book. I hope for your vagina’s sake that it’s a paperback.

    Like

  122. I can totally hook you up with a chicken. My brother raises them. I know what you are thinking…he lives on a farm right, no. But it is in Tn. They are wierd and don’t have all those “city laws” like we do here.

    Oh, not only are you able to write an awesome blog but you are able to look fantastic in a bff picture with a chicken! Is there something that you can’t do?

    Like

  123. I ate a crunchy bug once when I was on mescaline, so I’ll let someone else have that experience. It would be really nice if you sent your winner some mescaline to go with it. The feel of that crunch down my spinal column, oh dear god, it was more purple than the smell that comes out of paper clips when you straighten them.

    Never mind, don’t mail mescaline. Save it for you book writing process. You never know when you might need a spare epidural substitute.

    Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..The Five Ineffective Habits of those who Duck Productivity

    Like

  124. I changed my mind again. I want the bugs! I do, I do. I really want the bugs, Jenny. I want to let the bugs into my life and body again!

    Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..The Five Ineffective Habits of those who Duck Productivity

    Like

  125. I’ve never laughed so hard Jenny.

    I found your blog through our mutual bloggy friend, Mama, who survived preeclampsia like me, too.

    Good luck giving birth to your new book.

    Jen @ Unique But Not Alone’s last blog post..Perspective Again

    Like

  126. you look great in chicken.

    if i eat the bugs will i get to wear a chicken too?

    do you do turkey or are they too heavy?

    amyz5’s last blog post..The Albert Einstein Action Figure

    Like

  127. leave it to you to want a cock for a pet.

    flutter’s last blog post..Sleepless nights and crappy photography

    Like

  128. I wonder if that chicken has any issues with being called Nugget?

    Claudia’s last blog post..Conundrum

    Like

  129. I’m really glad that you’ve been convinced that scientists are cool, if slightly disheveled. We rock!

    A Free Man’s last blog post..Movin’ on up

    Like

  130. I don’t need a pet chicken because I get pecked at enough by my own children.

    But also, I was hoping yu were going to say CHEETOS were the new rice cake. Damn.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Bits o’ Brains

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  131. “I’m wearing a chicken like some kind of fucked up pirate.” – It’s like you’re inside my head. You speak straight to my heart(I’m a little worried about it, yeah.) I would totally think about eating the larvae now that you’ve told me the whole box is only 9 calories…plus I love anything BBQ flavored. Oh, and I love larvae. And tacos.

    Lacey’s last blog post..Want to know a secret?

    Like

  132. I don’t think I can win cause there are laws and crap about bringing foreign bugs in to Australia. We got enough of the mothers here anyway.

    But you could totally bring them to me. Smuggled in your vagina. After you take that book out. God I hope for your sake it is a paper back.

    Kelley’s last blog post..I rock. You rock. We totally rock!

    Like

  133. This is simply the best day out ever. I have a thing for muttering demented old bearded men. And chickens.
    I am seethingly, incandescently jealous.
    Send me bugs! Now!

    Jaywalker’s last blog post..In which I turn into Mary Whitehouse

    Like

  134. Were you down there on Saturday? So was I! Now I’m in California.

    BTW, the pic of you and the chicken rox. You need to put that on the cover of your book.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Monster Monday: My, what big TEETH you have!

    Like

  135. LOL…oh, how I wish I was still a scientist (I would be if it paid better). I miss working in an environment where pretty much everyone either looks homeless or like someone too far gone for “what not to wear”. It was very…freeing.
    But meeting Dr. Bakker, you are SOOO lucky!!!! I have envy.

    becoming mommy’s last blog post..The Time-Bomb and Casual Dining

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  136. I would eat bugs. I have eaten bugs, dipped in chocolate. I’d totally eat some savory larvettes. Wouldn’t it be nice if we all started eating more healthy food, like bugs. They outnumber us like a bazillion to one and have babies by the hundreds. We should eat bugs.

    mrs b roth’s last blog post..Another Plea For My Favorite Cause – Daylight Savings – Let’s END It – Once and For All

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  137. Oh my God Jenny… I simply can’t get enough of you and your blog. I laugh OUT LOUD every time and my heart does this “tug” thing because I think we were separated at birth (or I’m having a seizure, not sure which). But either way, you RAWK and you and Schmaltzie Nugget should totally tour the country when you squeeze out your book. I’d even eat a larvae if you promise to come to my town… 🙂

    Like

  138. GENIUS! This is some coffee-snorting hilarity in its finest!

    THEBLOGESS: “and I was all ‘Yeah! Like with the cyclopses!'”

    I am still laughing over the above comment and your following explanation AND the scientists oblivion.

    Have fun getting that book out of your Vagina, I’ll be ready to read it, armed with condoms and vinegar. Thank god I just found your blog and have lots to read in the meantime.

    DQFSS!’s last blog post..Hybrid Mom Cupcakes: a Recipe for Disaster

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  139. Your pen name BETTER be Ariana.

    todd’s last blog post..As If Blogging Weren’t Pretentious Enough…

    Like

  140. Don’t look now, but you probably blew it again making it into the blogging A-list. See, I’m not sure everyone knows this, but Schmaltzie Nugget is the pseudonym for Schmutzie Pickles, well-known Canadian blogger.

    Poppy Buxom’s last blog post..I’d rate this entry M for “Mature Audiences”

    Like

  141. Schmaltzie Nugget is the best name ever. I gonna go adopt a pet just so I can name it that.

    Kaila’s last blog post..This conversation is going in the right direction, No?

    Like

  142. Yeah, $2 is steep for bugs. I’m sure they’re really cheap in Europe.

    Like

  143. I would be way more excited about this contest if the prize were the Cheddar Cheese Larvets rather than the BBQ.

    Like

  144. Not everyone can rock the live chicken look,
    poultry is the new “dior”
    I just discovered your blog (did you know it was hidden) please don’t go on blog vacation. You are too stinking funny, as for squeezing out a book good luck with that. I would stand in line to read it, especially if there were more chicken references in it.

    Like

  145. Wow, what a post! Dinosaurs, chickens, bugs, AND you’re writing a book! You are my inspiration!

    Lula’s last blog post..Now What?

    Like

  146. And third, which I have only discovered this morning, I have now subconsciously adopted “Schmaltzie Nugget” as a new nickname for my 3 month old daughter. It suits her perfectly.

    Like

  147. Only 9 calories? That’s practically like negative calories which would be like losing weight while eating bugs. They should totally put that on the box.

    Chicky Chicky Baby’s last blog post..Crazy days and desperate nights

    Like

  148. Your posts never fail to make me “lol” multiple times. I’ve eaten bugs before. They taste like bugs…which is to say: crunchy and not very good.

    Georgia’s last blog post..Guest Post – My Dad

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  149. OMG…I need to calculate points for the larvets. Maybe 0!

    Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?’s last blog post..My First Week on Weight Watchers

    Like

  150. Hi. I don’t want to win your prize because I’ve already eaten bugs. Granted, they were crickets and they were roasted and dipped in chocolate, but still.

    Can’t wait to read your book! Oh yeah, and you’re officially my new favorite blogger. Sorry Slackmistress. Bloggessed is the new puce.

    Like

  151. I’m surprised the homeless scientist showed up on film since he is so obviously too old to still be alive.

    CarolynOnline’s last blog post..Desperate times.

    Like

  152. don’t pick me because i totally won’t eat a bug.

    princess slea’s last blog post..the new zoo review

    Like

  153. “You’re soaking in it.” Best photoshop addtext I have ever seen. I’m still brainwashed to this day that Palmolive will get me through the dry season. My sister brought be home an entire shopping bag full of dried caterpillars from Botswana. Can I throw those into the giveaway? They are kind of morbid sitting in my cupboard. Next to the severed heads.

    BusyDad’s last blog post..The Adventures of Agent 00Fury

    Like

  154. I have a chicken named after me. She is here: http://flickr.com/photos/ninjapoodles/2858652604/

    Maybe if you say pretty please, Belinda will name one after you, too.

    Rhi’s last blog post..Why dual climate control is the BEST INVENTION EVER

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  155. I’ve squeeqed two human out of my vagina.

    A book would have been easier.

    And more profitable.

    Karen’s last blog post..A case of mistaken identity

    Like

  156. LOL – I love the chicken.

    Sign me up for the bugs – I’ll try anything once. Especially low-calorie bugs ;).

    goodfather’s last blog post..Zillow party!

    Like

  157. This book you are writing had better be good, because I am quitting coffee and I have replaced my morning cup of coffee with decaf and reading your blog, which has become my pseudo caffeine high. Depriving me of both caffeine and your blog may be too much to take!

    P.S. I don’t want the larvae.

    Like

  158. Dude. That chicken is the cutest freaking chicken I have ever seen. Seriously, how did you not steal her!? She like, loved you!

    Damn. I have all kinds of chicken envy right now.

    Sensitiva McFeelingsly’s last blog post..The Wanderer – Part 2

    Like

  159. I think I just gagged at the thought of eating Larvae.

    Jen W’s last blog post..Green Acres is the place for me.

    Like

  160. Wow…who knew chickens were so docile? I just totally expected spell check to tell me I spelled docile wrong but it didn’t so I hope that is right.
    Looking forward to hearing more about your book!

    Summer’s last blog post..We go together like PB & J

    Like

  161. Now I want a pet chicken too. And a side dish of bbq larva.

    Amy Derby’s last blog post..Ninja Kick Your Competition (Again)

    Like

  162. 162
    The Bad Sister

    Around here, we have Hot Lix, they’re suckers and various candies with a worm, scorpion, ands, etc. inside the candy. One of the worm lollypops is actually tequila flavored. When I was in Austin this summer, I saw them in one of the novelty shops, shipped from our little town. They’re from this little area here called Grover Beach. Rather funky, indeed. Oh! I’d also like to be entered into the drawing. My 11 year old son totally likes eating dead and live bugs.

    Like

  163. I took a trip to a farm in middle school. I dared a friend to give a chicken a piece of her chicken nugget. She did … and the stupid thing ate it.
    At the time .. totally funny .. however, not long after I felt awful. Now, twenty years later, I’m still wracked with guilt over it. I wonder if karma works it’s magic for chickens.
    The thought of how I might pay for that one … whoa. No “mystery meat” for me … ever.

    caroline’s last blog post..I can’t explain it either.

    Like

  164. That’s your dad after 2 weeks in the car? It would take mine like 6 months to get like that, and he has been dead since I was 11.

    And did I ever send you my co-worker’s Talk Like A Parrot Day photo?

    http://www.greeblemonkey.com/2007/09/talk-like-parrot-day.html

    Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..Holiday Card Quandary

    Like

  165. Okay, can I be really stupid? Are the insects in the vending machine real or are they candy? Are they really for people to eat? I’m sorry, I’m just so confused/disturbed.

    Like

  166. You’re not stupid. They really are real insects. For people to eat. Stupid people.

    Like

  167. You like totally know the best people and get to do the coolest stuff. Can you adopt me? Sure we are about the same age and I have dependents but…. I can’t be left in a closest either. 🙂

    Erica/TxGambit’s last blog post..Second guessing myself

    Like

  168. I hope you’re not in labor for very long as I’m going to miss you while you’re gone. But I am looking forward to reading your book! Where’s the midnight release party going to be?

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Grey’s Anatomy S5ep1

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  169. You are jeenius about the cyclops. I had no idea.

    When I was in Oaxaca (Mexico) people ate chapulines – tiny grasshoppers – ALL the time fried with a little chile and salt. I mean, you would go to a party and there would be a bowl of chapulines on the table. No big. They are pretty good, too.

    Suebob’s last blog post..That was the day that was

    Like

  170. 170
    Aprylsantics

    If I were a Cyclops, I would party like it’s 1999.

    Like

  171. I don’t know that I want to eat the bugs, but I sure would love to work at that factory. Do they just wait for things to crawl across the floor then scoop them up to cook them? And BBQ….who thought up that delicious combination? I hope you aren’t gone too long but a book from your vagina might be worth it, just please wash it off ans swaddle it real cute before presenting it to us okay? 🙂

    Kristin’s last blog post..Monday Montage #10

    Like

  172. There’s just too much in this post for me to wrap my head around making a short, pithy comment.

    Let me just say that I will buy your book, absolutely, because only you could make “no one thinks this is funny but me” and “stuff better left unpublished” that is this good.

    And only you could offer me paragraphs this big and sentences this long, and still leave me knowing there’s gold inside.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Book Review: I Went Walking

    Like

  173. Love the chicken on the shoulder. It would make me not want to eat chicken as much, though.

    Like

  174. omg. larvae, beautiful little chicken, long toofs, the homeless professor. you’re killing me here.

    Julie @ the calm before the stork’s last blog post..my amazing husband

    Like

  175. I squeezed a book out of my vagina once. For similar reasons actually. I hope your experience goes better than mine did. ER doctors are just so cynical when you’re clearly innocently trying to squeeze a book out of yourself, and as a last resort it happens to come out of your vagina. It was as if they’d never seen anything like it before, and I was like ‘I thought you were doctors!’

    I seem to talk about my vagina every time I comment on your blog. Come back soon, it’s the only place my vagina talk is tolerated.

    Like

  176. Can I comment without entering the “win some yummy larvae” contest? I just wanted to inform you that you have a great deal of impact on people’s lives. I, for instance, dreamt tonight that I had a pet seagull (and this is true, yes).

    Classical Chick’s last blog post..Aaaarrrgghhhh!!!

    Like

  177. Yeah, so we had some pet chickens for a year. I kept expecting them to die over the longest winter in history – but they are really resilient. We named them all “Dinner” because we were in a ‘trying to live off the land’ phase and planned to eat them. After the first home butchering chicken experience, though, we gave them away to a family who changed there names to Dina 1 and Dina 2. But the chickens probably weren’t fooled, they still knew there names were Dinner1 and Dinner2.

    Mitzy’s last blog post..No H2O On the Go…(Jr.)

    Like

  178. So there’s no way in hell I want your Diet Larvettes, but I just feel the need to comment every couple of weeks or so to say how damn much I love you.

    And I love me some vagina books.

    Stimey’s last blog post..I Think I May Have Given Up

    Like

  179. If chickens are like dinosaurs, are they extinct because they stood out in the rain looking up and drowned?

    Kristine’s last blog post..Actual phone conversation yesterday

    Like

  180. No Shiz! I thought I recognized Bob Bakker. Wow…you had, like, my dream night. Paleontologists, chickens, piranhas! I’m totally envious.

    A.C.’s last blog post..Your shining face

    Like

  181. You know what I got out of that post?

    You, me and Hailey all like weird guys.

    The Laundress’s last blog post..Smart TV

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  182. Dude! I went to Good MomBad mom, and saw your last name. I went to high school with a Jenny Lawson! Funny thing is when we graduated she moved to Texas (Im in SE New Mexico), with her daughter. I am totally not making this up…her kids name is Penelope though. Coolness.

    Anywhoo …..just wanted to share and say Hi, neighbor!

    Like

  183. Yuck! You can’t be my mom, that was a scary fieldtrip! I think that guy is hiding secrets in his beard, too!

    that girl’s last blog post..DWTS: Who will go home?

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  184. Maybe you could just write one of those little tiny useless inspirational books they sell by the cash registers at Borders? Or write a full length book, sure, but as a clever marketing gimmick you could have it published in teeny tiny volumes, chapter by chapter? ‘Cause your book-birthin’ imagery is making my vagina hurt.

    Velma’s last blog post..Papaginos, Papaginos, Papaginooooosss!

    Like

  185. WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOAAA
    that was funny

    I used to have a pet rooster that I walked on a leash.

    http://www.lulusaysit.com/

    Like

  186. Oh my. I really don’t want the bugs, so don’t pick me as a winner, but I did want to comment on how HILARIOUS that post was and that I think I love you.

    That’s it.

    Petra’s last blog post..A Sexy Game of Tag

    Like

  187. I’m commenting only to say I hope you do write a book so I can buy it and then read it and then give it to someone else to read because you’re just so flipping funny and as others have stated many, many times before, I think I love you too (in that sort of one writer to another way, although you definitely have a larger fanbase than my three readers plus my mom, so I guess that makes four, but if you go to my blog you’ll only see three even though I swear I have more than that).

    Please write a book.

    Thanks. And I’ll totally take those larvets if I do happen to win.

    Janine’s last blog post..Productivity at an all time low.

    Like

  188. oooh… that chicken is your color… really brings out your eyes… the fear in your eyes, I mean.

    jennyonthespot’s last blog post..Looking for input… who’s got an opinion?

    Like

  189. I might win them, but I would not eat them — even if you did squeeze a book from your vagina.

    tokenblogger’s last blog post..I can’t sleep vs. I sleep all the damn time …

    Like

  190. […] And now I totally want a pet chicken at The Bloggess […]

    Like

  191. Book! Book. Yes, please.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Obama or McCain? I need your help. — *UPDATED*

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  192. Interesting timing. My husband and I just just had one of those wine-induced conversations (where you’re totally serious, but know you won’t follow through) where we decided we should get some chickens for the back yard to lay eggs to feed our large family. Went so far as to Google how many eggs chickens lay (one every 26 hours, unless emotionally scarred by, say, my two year old) and how long they produce eggs (2-4 years, then it’s KFC for the lot of them). We rent in a rather hoity toity subdivision outside Wash DC, so the best part was picturing the Homeowners’ Assoc calling the landlord to complain that we had “livestock” in the back yard. Hmph, seemed so much more do-able after a bottle of Chianti.

    Dolanmama’s last blog post..Christmas Letters – Part 2

    Like

  193. I have never tried a bug, but when my daughter was in preschool she had a fondness for ants. If the whole box is 9 calories, I could eat like 6 boxes, and it would only be like one Weight Watchers point!

    Like

  194. He’s not homeless, just from East Texas. Looks like my friend’s Dad, hat and all.

    My son wants those bugs.

    Plano Mom’s last blog post..Thanks, Gustav

    Like

  195. I would totally buy your book! I love the way you tell a story – I should know better than to read your blog at work, but I did it anyway today…what a great trip to the museum! I think lots of scientists (and engineers) look like janitors…

    Steph @ Problem Solvin Mom’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Sweet Kiss

    Like

  196. I now realized the depth of my inadequacy: I now have to strive to eat larva AND squeeze a book out my vagina. Here I thought I just had to teach my Yorkie how to piss “Oui”.

    Ann’s last blog post..I Can’t Deliver A Line

    Like

  197. I am speechless.

    Although there is a sick part of me that wants to try the “sour creme and onion” flavor.

    But I’m over that now.

    Still think you’re hilarious.

    Lianne’s last blog post..A little pissy this morning, so be warned

    Like

  198. Kegels should help immensely. Good luck!

    Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy’s last blog post..Breast Cancer Awareness: My Mammogram Vlog

    Like

  199. Dear Blogess,
    I am totally in love with you 😉 You are hilarious. I’ve recently found your blog and and I can’t stop coming back to read what you have to say. Never stop!
    Your Admirer

    Like

  200. 200
    Bananarama

    You know, “schmaltz” means “chicken-fat”. They just called your chicken FAT! Are you gonna take that?! Yeah, I thought not.

    Like

  201. You.Are.Awesome.

    groovehouse’s last blog post..September Skate Photos

    Like

  202. 202
    Lady Windermere

    Oh my God! I had a chicken pet when I was a kid! Her name was Mattea!
    When she died I was on holiday so my granmother, who was taking care of her, put her in the freezer so that I could see her one last time…I think that’s why I don’t like chicken…

    Like

  203. Love your pirate chicken.

    Dr. Bakker is world renowned. Very cool that you and your daughter were able to spend the afternoon with him.

    I’d love to be considered for the Oh-I-won-some-bugs-to-eat-apparently, I’d be sure to share them with my 4-yr old daughter and 9-yr old son.

    Like

  204. wow…I totally want those bugs. It would be a totally awesome present at Christmas. Wait…do they have an expiration date? Do bugs “go bad”? Either way it’ll be funny.

    Like

  205. Eww. Bugs in a box, eh? Love the chicken photo!

    Raging Dad’s last blog post..Just what is Sonny up to?

    Like

  206. Lucky for you that chicken wasn’t an asshead and the janitordoctor didn’t think like suckrats.

    See? Things are definitely better!

    I really hope I can get to try bbq larva for free. I promise to post pictures!

    Best of luck with squeezing things out of you vagina – I will miss you, but will no doubt be rewarded with a wonderful (if not slightly sticky) book!

    Rikki’s last blog post..Peanuts and Grapes

    Like

  207. Who can resist the opportunity to win a free meal, particularly such a scrumptious one. Yippee skippee! pick me!

    ang’s last blog post..I can’t even explain . . .

    Like

  208. i’m hiding as #208 here, sister. is it just me, or does jenny look tired? even with her chicken friend? jenny need hug?

    liv’s last blog post..notes on romance…

    Like

  209. Jenny totally needs a hug. And a cocktail. And to stop referring to herself in third person.

    Like

  210. I totally get the Cheeto reference now. I want to win so I can say to my 4yo son “It’s the broccoli or the bugs, what’s it gonna be?”

    Like

  211. 211
    Wendy Wyatt

    okay, I’m going to pull a Palin on you and say “yes, that’s a funny story but I don’t understand it so I am going to change the subject to something I want to talk about”…. a conversation I had with my 5 year old daughter, Halle (who is always mistaken for a Hailey)…about the dismembered Barbies I found in her doll drawer. I asked…”Halle, what happened to all these Barbies?…and she got sort of quiet and then said…”well, really, mommy… I don’t really want to kill Barbie. But I kind of do.” …and I had to admit that I thought a lot of women feel that way. or maybe I should get her some counseling. any advice?

    Like

  212. I think Halle is doing God’s work. Now point her toward those damn Bratz dolls.

    Like

  213. I’m sorry but if I can’t have the salt n’ vinegar crick-ettes, well I just don’t want anything (seriously, they were right next to the BBQ Larvettes.)

    Kelly’s last blog post..What do they mean by “life”?

    Like

  214. Oh my go, I`ve never laughed so hard in my life…and I am at work and probably gonna get fired now…thanks a lot. No, just kidding, but I am so glad that I found your blog because your totally crack me up.

    Like

  215. man, where`s spell check…?

    Like

  216. “Does this cock make me look fat?”

    Squeeze fast because I can’t take my life without your blog in it! But if I had a book squeezed out your Beautiful Bloggess Vagina then I could take your wisdom everywhere and share it with the world. Then we could all be on the look out for Tiny Sasquatches and Ninja Everywhere.

    Sorry Victor, Vagina in Use!

    Like

  217. That is one of the strangest stories ever….

    Like

  218. cool story. really. i usually keep my trap shut around people because, like, only two people in the world would get my references. one is dead and the other isn’t speaking to me. nice to see the word vagina in a blog again. it has been too too long.

    Like

  219. That was hilariously intense. great post!

    Rich’s last blog post..Great News!

    Like

  220. Chicken poop makes the best compost. If chickens are descended from dinosaurs I can only imagine how useful one of their steamy, car-sized turds were. Oh, the tomatoes and corn I could grow! I was born far too late.

    P.L. Frederick’s last blog post..U.S. Treasury Issues New $1 Bill

    Like

  221. Have the chickens taken you away?
    Bwaaak Bwaaak Bwaaak !

    Swampy’s last blog post..Breast Cancer Awareness

    Like

  222. 222
    Just A. Reader

    I totally want to be your pet cock. You know … rooster. Boy chicken.

    Like

  223. WTF – $2 for nine calories? I can buy a whole big-assed bag of chips for that and gain five lbs. I think you got shafted.

    Tranny Head’s last blog post..Of Wagons and Wenches

    Like

  224. Would squeezing a book from your vagina be considered a vaginal discharge?

    Like

  225. For someone with a chicken on her shoulder, you live quite an enviable life…

    I already want an autographed copy of your book, so I hope you schedule a signing somewhere around H-town.

    SpondyGirl’s last blog post..Where have I been?

    Like

  226. I am so excited to win- really! I am going to get Arianne (@ToThink) to eat them on video with me.

    Steph

    Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..Illusions

    Like

  227. OMG, you’re a freak of nature, and I love it!!!!!!!! Just popped over here from Texas Word Tangle, and really enjoyed your dinosaur/chicken/bug experience! Did the chicken shit on you?

    Justine:o )

    Justine’s last blog post..The Block Par-Tay!

    Like

  228. Bwhahaha! You can come to visit us next. Mad professors, chickens, bugs, weirdos and dementors… We,ve got it all!

    Like

  229. So jealous you wrote a chapter. I need a hit of writing magic.

    How to Party with an Infant’s last blog post..Wasted at Town Hall (And Some Dog Equivalents)

    Like

  230. MILF eating bugs…HOT!

    Like

  231. 231
    carolinemichelle

    My boyfriend and his coworker had a contest to see who could buy the other one the most ridiculous calendar for 2009 to hang in the office (sans nudity, since it is a workplace). My boyfriend searched long and hard and found the best calendar ever: “Exraordinary Chickens.” Yes, that’s right, Barnes and Noble offers such a calendar, 12 months of truely extraordinary pultry. He was a little embarassed when his coworker got him a calendar of Indiana Jones, because he actually thought some of the pictures were pretty bad-ass.

    Like

  232. Schmalzie Nugget is totally awesome. Once, my best friend Cate went to Costa Rica and got attacked by a chicken. Totally unrelated, but scary.
    .-= Daisy´s last blog ..Angry Poetry, It’s, Its, and Dogs =-.

    Like

  233. Chickens are fantastic pets. I have 10. I’m the crazy chicken lady. People pretend to like me for the fresh eggs. My girls would do all kinds of chicken tricks for the larvae. I wonder if the machine was really meant for chicken treats.

    Like

  234. Hiyaaaa! Have you considered – Ads Crix Paleo Diet (do a google search)? I’ve heard some awesome things about it and my GF got excellent results with it.

    Like

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  1. Good Mom / Bad Mom September 28, 2008

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