To be honest with you I don’t even like dead whores

Fun Fact: In the last month, 25 people have found this blog by googling the phrase:

 “It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores”. 

So…you’re welcome?

PS.  You could replace “Fun Fact” with “I think I’ve found my tribe and sometimes they bewilder the shit out of me” and it would still be true.  Also, you people who came here searching for “cures for my dead dog” are pretty much destined for disappointment.  And also you probably shouldn’t be trusted with dogs.  I mean, I’m not judging you here because lord knows I’m guilty of doing weird shit to dying animals but if you’re the kind of person who thinks I have a cure for “deadness” you are probably the same person who keeps leaving dead animals near my house and it’s disconcerting.  And Victor’s all, “Wow, lots of wild animals getting hit by cars in our neighborhood lately” but I’m pretty sure it’s really some sort of test to see if I will resurrect them.  I won’t, people.  So just, you know, stop asking.  ‘Cause it’s getting kind of weird.

Comment of the day:  For five days in the last month, nobody cared or asked about the dead whores. That’s the real tragedy.  ~Yelocrab

147 replies. read them below or add one

  1. My favorite search term that someone used to get to my page was “Lexi loves poop…” although Lexi,my dog, does in fact love poop I don’t think it’s what they were looking for…

    gingela5’s last blog post..Thank you. Thanks, Ok enough…

  2. oh shoot. You’ve used that voodoo that you do so well to figure out how I’m finding you from every public library in the greater Weehawken area.

    patty’s last blog post..responsibility

  3. Something is terribly wrong with you. And I mean that in the fondest possible way.

    (I get “pants peeing stories” daily). I didn’t know there were so many people eager to spread the pissy pants lore!

    Suebob’s last blog post..Why I am voting for Barack Obama

  4. Awesome. So, when I am dead and taking my own little Dirt Nap, it is comforting to know that maybe, just maybe you will show me the Love around here. You know, since you have this thing for dead whores and all.

    cagey’s last blog post..Why?

  5. Well, I get “hairless women” and “middle aged couples who have sex” searches fairly regularly.

    Some people in the world are just – not us.

  6. I, more often than not, get “mother and son enjoy sex” and similar “ewww” inspiring searches.

  7. that’s funny as heck i say!

    funny, as HECK!

    remember that woman who cloned her dog? turns out she was on the lam for kidnapping some religious guy, tying him to her bed and committing sex acts upon him. THAT shit is weird.

    piglet’s last blog post..reasons to be jealous of me

  8. Wasn’t that the plot of Steven King novel?

    Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy’s last blog post..Need Your Help!

  9. Today I got “in bed with faith boobjob”

    I really didn’t get a boob job. NASTY RUMOR!

    Rhi’s last blog post..Get in Shape Girl

  10. I’ve had 12 hits this month alone for “Firm and Perky”. Niiice.
    What’s that quote from, anyway?

    Andria and Co.’s last blog post..Blake- Month 10

  11. What about their dead pimps?

  12. Maybe it’s just one sociopath with OCD who has searched for the same thing 25 times because the demons in his head told him to do so.

    Grey Street Girl’s last blog post..Tied in Knots

  13. 13
    I can't read my nametag

    I still don’t have a blog of my own. But this post is inspiring me to start one soon. Do you think ”It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the dead whores” is too long for a blog title?

    Just wondering.

  14. Wow, that is pretty consistent.

    Caveman’s last blog post..Higher Learning?

  15. I always think that the folks who work at Google must laugh their asses off at all the bizarro searches they see coming through.

  16. I think you are selling yourself short. Just think of all the neato people/ escaped mental patients whose lives you might otherwise never touch.

    Kurt’s last blog post..Phone Call (A Dramatization)

  17. Can I get my dog back?

    Captain Dumbass’s last blog post..Bet This Guy Doesn’t Get Man-Cold

  18. Ah yes, but do you like alive ones?

    flutter’s last blog post..Subcutaneous

  19. I get hits for things like:
    shmeat
    “perverse and often baffling”
    so a seagull walks into a shop
    thunderstorm in a box
    easy bondage
    monkey puzzle nuts

    Steve’s last blog post..UAL Stock Tanks Based on Recycled News Story

  20. so, can you, or would you, bring dead whores back to life? just curious . . . .

    for some reason i get tons of (well, for me three visits qualifies as a ton) for poop porn and pikachu porn. =/

    SEO Hack’s last blog post..Pikachu Porn – Really?

  21. i got one asking how fairies service trolls. the most disturbing part wasn’t that the perv wanted to know how fairies service trolls, its the believing mythical creatures are REAL.

    Great fucking title. I spewed water all over the screen before i even read the damned post. I was just thinking – great i’m having a shitty night and Jenny might have something to make me feel better. Dead whores did not disappoint.

    You need to move to L.A.

    Gina (@amoxcalli on Twitter)’s last blog post..Call Me Crazy – Cream Puff Crazy

  22. A few years ago, I noticed a number of people finding my comic strip, Todd and Penguin, while searching for “penguin porn”. I’m not sure what penguin porn is, but I’m fairly certain that I never featured any on my site. It does go to support my theory that every type of porn imaginable has a niche audience somewhere waiting to be served.

    Blogger Dad’s last blog post..Eight Questions – Interview with Tara Cain

  23. What amazes me about that search phrase is the inclusion of the commas, 25 times. You KNOW I’m off to google that.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..Nothing but thanks

  24. so mine don’t get nearly that exciting:

    “a real goth emo dating site”
    “good word to feel my husband jesus”

    but i do love coming here! great post!

    JRDS’s last blog post..lessons learned

  25. I once had a search string say, “how to have sex with your mom for the first time,” which is really disturbing because Im not sure that I’ve ever put the words sex and mom anywhere near eachother in my entire WEBSITE, let alone published a how to manual.

    esthela’s last blog post..A guy named Mud **UPDATED**

  26. This sounds like a perfect first sentence for a Cormac McCarthy novel.

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..coming clean about my dirty mind

  27. And my comment sucked. Like the life as it slipped from a dead whore.

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..coming clean about my dirty mind

  28. Boo thinks, after having a session on The Resurrection at school by a woman that does not understand Autism and literalness, that you just chuck a rock on someone to make them undead. There goes my plans for a rock garden or a pet rock for him for Christmas.

    But I am not telling you the freaky shit people google to find me, they are MY freakshows! Get your damn own woman!

    Kelley’s last blog post..To Too on your 15th Birthday.

  29. Oooh, oooh, oooooh!!! I think I found a new hobby– finding The Bloggess via as many creepy and disturbing searches as I can invent.

    Anyone else up to challenge me?

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Potential book titles, Vol. 2

  30. As a newbie blogger, I have yet to be located by any intersting search terms. However, I find it amazing that people google such crazy things. I have worked many a Halloween and Friday the 13th in the pharmacy and am sure some of those people googling dead whores has shown up at least once or twice.

    Collette’s last blog post..2,920 Days

  31. So, I used “*redacted to avoid pervy Google searches that will make me want to throw up*” in a recent post where I would have written “vagina” because I was talking about my daughter’s doctor’s appointment, and no lie TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE hit my site by googling that phrase. Now, I’m pretty sure they read it on my site first and then googled it to see if there was anybody else who used that phrase, but still, why were they so curious about it? And, furthermore, if they already read it on my site why did they click through again???

    But the best search I ever got was “Your wife is doing this to fuck with you Backpacking Dad.” Because my wife is awesome. And I was being a little obsessive one day.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Rez Stories: Bumper Pool

  32. I once mistook two young middle eastern ladies who were staying at the hotel where I work for hookers, so when I blogged about it I titled my post, Sweet! Sexy! Iranian HOOKERS! which turned out to be a brilliantly strategic move because I still get tons of traffic from people looking for Iranian hookers.

    ..but after they spend a few seconds there and discover that they can’t actually order up an Iranian hooker, they leave.. so my bounce rate is still really high.

    RhodesTer’s last blog post..On the town in Palm Springs

  33. I actually have no desire to know what people google to find my blog. I know it would disturb me.

    Like dead whores. They also disturb me. All dead and…whorish.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Oh, no! Kylie’s Going To Talk Politics!

  34. I have absolutely no idea what any of you are talkin about. Seriously, I feel like the dumb kid in class who isn’t in on the joke. I know I haven’t been blogging for long, but I really do feel like I’m missing out here.

  35. The search terms I find most intriguing are “temporary sex change” and a whole bunch having to do with Giant Squid… wait just a sec, they are all coming from the same IP – yours!

    OK, you asked for it… Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Let’s Fly!

  36. A little makeup and those dead whores won’ be so creepy for you.

    We usually go for cremation as a cure for a dead dog. It doesn’t really bring them back, but they take up a whole lot less space.

    Jim’s last blog post..The Curse of the Crapmobile

  37. Don’t worry. I found you when I searched for Mosquitoes.

    jenboglass’s last blog post..Because Sometimes You Just Need A Warning

  38. 38
    Just A. Reader

    I just googled “dead hobbit whore needs a dooche,” and guess what came up first. Go on, guess!

  39. My fave for my blog were several google searches for “Where is the secret remote control for my t.v.?”

    WTF? Why would you have a secret remote control and why would google tell you where it was.

    Have you tried to resurrect the dead animals…maybe you are selling yourself short….*snort* KIDDING!!

    domestic extraordinaire’s last blog post..A note from Liz

  40. Almost makes you wonder how people went about finding dead whores before the internet was invented. I’ll bet it was hard, because I doubt the classifieds would have printed that shit.

    FruGal’s last blog post..Guest Post: How to update your wardrobe on a budget

  41. The irony is that hit comes from you quoting one of your readers from their comment. Since google spiders don’t take comments as content, the only hit comes from you.

    My site seems to have a crazy magnet embedded in its html (strangely, however, you have not visited yet). A sample “keyword” hit from the last 10 days?

    “she rode around and around on her bike that she had just been given for christmas that morning, she had a smile from ear to ear as she remembered writing to father christmas and asking for a new pink bike with a basket on the front for her doll”

    I shit you not; whoever that was wrote a paragraph in the google search box. It landed them on my archive page for April 2007.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..The Failure Of “The Talking Fork”

  42. wow that is weird, it must be a movie quote or something, I mean who googles that stuff??? the world is strange

  43. Someone needs to warn the wild animals about your neighborhood. The opossum homicide rates are exploding! (I googled it. It’s true.)

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Not That Kind Of Site

  44. My favorite search phrase that brought people to mine was “red tube spanking.”

    I still lie awake at night and wonder wtf they were looking for.

    Mahala’s last blog post..Kirby Salespeople Ain’t Welcome Around Here

  45. Hey, maybe it’s like a quote or from a book or movie or something.

    Linking you btw.

    the constantly dramatic one’s last blog post..Crap.

  46. Mmmm…yeah…today I got “man massage loves a tan.”

    Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?’s last blog post..Doggie-Style Diet

  47. Folks find my blog through random shit, too. Then they realize just how random I am.

    shonda’s last blog post..Ode To My Allergies

  48. Maybe it’s the dead chicken foot you wear around your neck that throws people off.

    brittany’s last blog post..Bros before, um, megaphones?

  49. Lessons for today:

    1) Respect the dead whores (there is a bumber sticker or invitation here somewhere)

    2) Leave your animal dead when it dies and don’t bring it to my neighborhood

    3) For five days in the last month, nobody cared or asked about the dead whores. That’s the real tragedy.

    God bless the dead whores and welcome to the number one dead whore site on the planet.

    Wolverines!

  50. “scary monster with high pitched scream, Powerpoint Presentation”

    I guess that would make sense because Microsoft scares the shit out of me.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..Oh, the random

  51. oh wait….I also got “peeing in leiderhosen”.

    Because, you know, all those times we dress up as the Von Trapp family and hang out watching Jackass with too many beers and then we can’t get out of our gear in time.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..Oh, the random

  52. What about the alive whores? Whose blog pops up when searching about respect for them?

    Ellie’s last blog post..Moon Dance

  53. Send all those nutty folks my way. I really enjoy a good dead whore every now and then.

    bejewell’s last blog post..Know What I Hate?

  54. How do you feel about live whores? I’m kind of desperate to be your new BFF.

    WhenSheWorePonytails’s last blog post..Gnashing of….OOH SPARKLY

  55. Apparently I’m an expert on feral children and cuts on the side of the mouth, based on my search hits.

    I love my celebrity.

    Janine’s last blog post..Guess what I’m good at?

  56. I just started my blog and only have one search engine term on my so far: Evil. Which is sad, because I am also so many other things.

    alex’s last blog post..Baffled

  57. yeah? well I get “white girl racist” fairly often, as well as “I steal her identity”

    hmm…so there is no hope for my dead canary? You are sure? crap.

    bekah’s last blog post..Photo of the Day

  58. 58
    Sam (The Edge OF Insanity)

    It sounds like you have way weirder pervies and whackjobs than me. Sigh.

    Sam (The Edge OF Insanity)’s last blog post..Election ‘08… Rock The Vote

  59. Haven’t you ever watched any old western movies? The dead whores always earn the most respect.

    The Cotton Wife’s last blog post..Harvesting Corn

  60. i absolutely love search terms. they fascinate me. my best so far was “obama covered in tampons”.

    it is the visual that gets me on this one every time!!

    amyz5’s last blog post..Would you rather…

  61. Crap. You mean your yard isn’t an ancient burial ground where dead animals come back to life?

    Stephen King is a liar.

    Natalie’s last blog post..Cervical confusion

  62. your reverence to dead whores was precisely why I started reading you-

  63. Yesterday I got “teen boy penis puberty size” and “can a yorkie die of too much estrogen.” Think that covers all my blog’s bases.

    always home and uncool’s last blog post..Never Too Thin … or Too Into Male Gymnasts

  64. People always find my site with “Dan Blocker Spanking” as the search terms.

    Yeah, it makes no sense.

    It’s scary out there sometimes on the intertubes.

    t2ed’s last blog post..It’s Not Easy Being Green

  65. It could be a lucrative side business for you. And you already got your foot in the door. :)

  66. best search term “does spam musubi last all day”

    and if you’re wondering the answer is yes

    zakka life’s last blog post..Redesigning the Greeting Card

  67. Ok, so dead animals = no resurective powers, but going back to the dead whores…can you perform your bloggess magic on them?

    Sal’s last blog post..5 of My Very Worst Childhood Ideas

  68. I rarely comment if I’m going to be #50+ (kind of feel sorry for the writer that feels responsible for reading through all of those comments). But this one…

    Anyway – it just goes to show how we’re “not alone” out there. I started my blog thinking that other women (and a few men) that had the same interests would be the people finding me. Then I see keyword searches for “sex pervert” coming out of Thailand. Really makes you think before hitting publish…

    Kate’s last blog post..This is What Crazy Looks Like

  69. I have gotten one “katy sexy baby,” and my blog is on like the 100th page and people actually get there. All I have to say is “Mysterious Google Search SoftwareRobotDemonWhatever-You-Are: Have you actually seen my blog? I know I am totally sexy and I do have a baby, but I don’t discus either on my blog….so how are you searching my brain through the internets?” Scares the heck right out of me.

    Katy’s last blog post..Romans 4-5

  70. I’m so lame. All of mine are somehow related to knitting, except this one:

    “Alligator in Trap Pond”

    Which, when you think of it, is still boring. I need to step it up.

    Karen’s last blog post..More Geek News!

  71. wow, thanks for the tip; I’m adding ‘whore’ to my list of keywords … maybe I’ll spice it up with a few adjectives. let’s see, dirty whore, whore’s pajamas, take it like a whore, you nasty little whore, no whore like a dead whore, i’m your whore, daddy … (um, wait a minute, I think I’m getting in to this a little too much)

    Kimberlee’s last blog post..gratitude.

  72. At least we’re not leaving flaming dead animals.

    Wait. Did I just say “we’re”? Shit. I hate it when I’m incriminating.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Disrespecting My Elder

  73. I haven’t been blogging long so I’ve only gotten one hit through a search, which was “what parenting stands for”.

    which is SO not the case. I’m probably more in with the dead whores and leiderhosen crowd.

    Keely’s last blog post..Road trip!!

  74. You know now that you’ve put the thought in my head…I’m going to look up random weird shit and see where it takes me. It will be like me new hobby.

    Woman you are like my new Yoda and shit. Outstanding. I gotta go now and look up Transvestite anteaters….

    Jenn’s last blog post..Alo My Fine Furry Friend

  75. I get lots of hits for “pain in butt”. Weird.

    Kyla’s last blog post..Sounds

  76. I’m new at this. Just learned how to track Google searches. I can’t wait (and am maybe more than a little scared) to see what comes up! You’ve set the bar kind of high, though.

    Goldfish’s last blog post..If babies could talk (or write)

  77. What the hell is shmeat?

    It’s pretty hard to freak me out, but one time I got ‘babies in utero porn’. I stayed away from the internet for a week, as I recall.

    But that was long ago….I’ve since dropped all pretense of righteous indignance.

  78. 78
    Just A. Reader

    What the hell is shmeat?

    I give you … shmeat

    http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=90235492

    (You’re going to be so sorry you asked.)

  79. Man. The internet is weird.

    Maria’s last blog post..I kissed a girl and I liked it

  80. How do you find that shit out? I am such a damn rookie. i guess if you search “stupid ass bloggers’ you would find me.

    crap.

    Vodkamom’s last blog post..Tuesday’s Funny Story

  81. I use Google Analytics online, which gives you fascinating and terribly disturbing information. I both recommend and revile it.

  82. Hmm I wonder what I’d need to talk about to get the Google hits even close to as funny as yours. The only kind I get are, what not to say to a pregnant woman, or else.

    Issa’s last blog post..My MIL is here and I’m so excited….

  83. And ye shall be known by the company ye keepth…

    or some such stilted pronouncement

    but if it gets me known for hanging around with the likes of y’all, it couldn’t happen to a happier woman. I laugh as hard at the comments as I do at the original Bloggess post, no disrespect intended to dead whores.

    I have a tag “free comedy” and it is so put to shame in this august company that I’m probably going to have to change it to “free (barely) comedy”

    Yours in stomach aching, tears streaming, screen cleaning awe,

    La Framéricaine’s last blog post..A Gift For La Belle-ette Rouge…

  84. It’s like a train wreck… you know you don’t want to look, but you just can’t help yourself. I got found via the search string “i’m through with white boys”. What was really disturbing was when I googled that phrase myself I found out I was #5 on the hit parade.
    But my two most common searches are some combinaiton of the terms “jay leno fritos bag ebay” and people looking for the number of calories in Ricola cough drops. Now I know where all of these originated, but seriously folks have you no lives??

    The one I never did figure out was a guy form Spain who searched for
    “.w.w. defloration .com”
    Man, I bet he was disappointed…

    Mojo’s last blog post..Happy Birthday Dammit!

  85. According to Google I should just change my name to Ass Pie and get on with it.

    mommypie’s last blog post..Put it on your list and maybe Santa will bring it.

  86. You and Tanis have the craziest search results. Of course that could be that you are both way funnier than I am.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..Why We’re Headless-Part 2

  87. I get a lot of Google searches from people wanting to know “if the frog drinks from his own pond.” WTF?

    Rhea’s last blog post..Building blocks; chickens and atoms

  88. I feel a “Pet Cemetery” storyline coming from your house soon…

    Rhea’s last blog post..Building blocks; chickens and atoms

  89. So you AREN’T a voodoo witch doctor? Damn! People have searched and found me by “threatoning with blood” and “sleep abusing husband”. Hmm go figure.

    Tiffany’s last blog post..I Almost Died

  90. One person finding you via that search is weird. Two-to-five, weirder still. But 25? I think some from-the-beyond dead whore is trying to get a message to you.

    Yesterday somebody found me via the search phrase “I like to donkey draw.” Who doesn’t, frankly?

    Lesley’s last blog post..This Post Contains More Miracles! (But No Burning Bush, So You Could End Up TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED)

  91. What about if you buried the dead whores, dead dogs, and roadkill in the Resurrection Cemetary? I don’t know if they’d techincally be considered zombies or just reanimated, but either way it would be interesting to see what happens. If I were you, though, I’d make Victor do it.

  92. I get hits for “asshole pump” frequently. I just…um..don’t want to know.

    Kelly’s last blog post..Listy McListerson

  93. I just twittered earlier that my blog was found by “foods to eat for amnesia.” I want to know the story behind that. Or maybe I just want to make one up.

    Alexia’s last blog post..Into the 200s now — isn’t it funny what significance we assign to numbers on the scale?

  94. Wow, so my dead animals are NEVER coming back to life? Ever???? I’m so bummed! I promise I’ll stop dropping them off at your door step. :)

    Greis’s last blog post..Go ‘Stros!!! 4 games back in the Wild Card Race – 17 games to go…

  95. The creepiest searches I get is for “sex chair.” Which is not at all surprising since I have a post titled “The Sex Chair” about the couple I saw having sex in a chair by the pool at 6 in the morning.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: Is McCain Palin’s Bitch?

  96. WELL THANKS FOR TELLING ME NOW JENNY! Cause it’s been ME sending you the dead stuff.
    Thanks. A. Lot.
    ((sulking in corner))

    Mz. Nesbit’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday…well kinda

  97. and i thought i had some weird search terms taking people to my blog, haha.

    katelin’s last blog post..I should be on MTV.

  98. Laughing my ass off before I even read the post. I love seeing bizarre search terms.

    Yesterday, I got ‘”John Mayer” Sarah Palin.’ Not sure how those two are connected or why the quotes were added around John Mayer.

    I also get “Beeyotch” and “coke can bong” and “caffeine shingles” quite a bit.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..Because I’m Retaining Water and I Keep Going To The Loo

  99. 99
    I can't read my nametag

    So I was thinking…wouldn’t it be hilarious if all these commenters who claim to be leaving dead animals on your doorstep really ARE leaving dead animals on doorsteps, but because they happen to like their pets and don’t really know where you live, they’re stealing neighbors’ pets and killing them and leaving them on random doorsteps in order to write their comments with a clear conscience?

    Or would that just be creepy?

  100. I want to know how to look up my google searches? When I was hosted by wordpress I had pretty good ones. I wonder if that was a line in a movie or something?

  101. My favorite search hit was “severed leg with chain saw” and they found me. I had misspelled severe in one post where I just happened to have mentioned a chain saw. Go figure. All I could do was to say a quick prayer that the poor soul eventually hit upon a search result that offered some sound advice. You know, along the lines of “PUT THE KEYBOARD DOWN AND CALL 911 NOW!”

    Momish’s last blog post..Stranger Than Fiction

  102. maybe i should just add a blog to my list of blogs that is just a list of weird search strings. That ought to get me some traffic.

    Gina’s last blog post..Palm Tree Growing Out of Another Tree

  103. My favorite recently is “alleviate inner thigh chafing pain.” I am pretty sure my site is NOT what they were looking for.

    Cara’s last blog post..Really?

  104. And here I was hoping to get you to go do a seance with me…darn

    Jo~Jo’s last blog post..Writer’s Workshop Wednesday

  105. This is only the second time I’ve been to your site and the influence you have on me is even more disturbing that the stuff you post.

    These are the things that have occurred to me throughout the day after initially reading this post:
    1. You’ve got to wonder how much the dead ones charge?
    2. It must be one hell of a lazy pimp to be running dead whores.
    3. Those whores are someone’s dead daughters; of course we should have respect for them.
    I was a nice man before I met you. NOW LOOK!
    What have you got to say for yourself?

    Dave Fowler’s last blog post..Playing Tag

  106. Blogger Dad: “penguin porn” is hilarious. It just goes to prove that niche marketing really does work!

    The weirdness of the Internet…

    Beth’s last blog post..Wen Chocolates (Theme: Chocolatiers in Denver)

  107. I wrote a post once about people who use urine therapy….

    OMG…the searches that pull up my blog now. Gak.

    Gimme a dead whore, anyday.

    Tiggerlane’s last blog post..It Only Happens Once

  108. I like to fuck with them. “Paris Hilton full frontal” gets them every time. Bwahahaha!

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Nukular Fizzicks Fer Dummy’s

  109. As far as I am concerned, Dead is the best place for a dog. But I swear I’m not psycho. And I would TOTALLY never actually kill one. Unless it was pissing all over my carpet and shitting all over my rug. Then I would have it euthenized like my late cat. Still, I SWEAR I’M not a freak. And I would never leave it near your house. On purpose anyway. Seriously, I am extremely NORMAL!

    I’m just not a dog NORMAL person.

    I’ll shut up now.

    KEEP BELIEVING

    Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING’s last blog post..Two for one – depression AND vegetable gardening advice!!!

  110. My two big ones are “Voodoo Doll Curses” and “Mom fingering herself”….Niicceee… Not sure I get the last one but I did write something about Voodoo Doll curses. :)

    I guess I will start dumping my dead animals else where.

    Erica/TxGambit’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Sometimes a daydream

  111. But how do you feel about lazy whores? Cause I’ve been called that twice today.

  112. Isn’t that what you said at BlogHer?

    HappyHourSue’s last blog post..Suck E. Cheese’s

  113. the phrase that most people find me with is “sweaty smelly vagina” and “puntane is the new black.”

    shauna’s last blog post..a riddle for your wednesday

  114. People usually find my website by searching one of three things

    1. Don’t worry they’re just hatin on you cuz your dope
    2. no where and quiznos
    3. cute sneeze.

    Deidre’s last blog post..Question?

  115. Those whores worked hard for the money, so hard for the money…some one better god damn respect them.

    E!’s last blog post..Clothing Crisis

  116. Your tribe is fucking with you.

    And as for trolls and drive-bys? Ignore. Delete. Do not respond. Do not parapharase or write a post based on a really funny insult. Do not give them a forum.

    This advice comes from Gavin DeBecker’s book, The Gift of Fear. He is an expert on dealing with stalkers and rapists and other such dangerous creeps.

    phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..listen, its our song OR just another music monday

  117. Now I want to know how to find these things out. Though I suspect my hits would be from searches like, “stoopid” and “neener”.

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..Four (Possibly Five)

  118. Who types THAT MANY WORDS into the Google search box? It isn’t a place to start the first line of your poetry, it is a search engine.

    Kristabella’s last blog post..Bacon Crashes My Pity Party

  119. Ok, WoW. I was introduced to your blog from Writer Dad…And I am glad I subscribed. He is totally correct, you are too funny.

    I mean, who isn’t interested in Dead Whores?

    It’s too bad you can’t resurrect the dead, I do miss some of my pets..

    ~ Jim

    Jim Gaudet’s last blog post..What is my Passion?

  120. I think you’ve found your book title…

    Alex Fayle | Someday Syndrome’s last blog post..Our Lives Are Full of Stuff

  121. It’s too bad you can’t resurrect the dead, Jenny. I sure do miss some of my old, dead whores.

    See how it’s done, Jim? Don’t worry, it’s a rookie mistake.

  122. Too crazy!

    These are the most common searches that bring people to my site. Latinas like it big (my entry was about Latinas liking big rings), 7th Grade Science Projects, and Pantyhose.

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..My Super Cool Cousin

  123. Don’t take this the wrong way or anthing, but sometimes? I get very very concerned for you. :)

    Missie’s last blog post..That’s My Story…

  124. And who doesn’t respect dead whores? I mean really.

  125. I just popped in (because I’m temporarily disconnected from actually reading blogs) to see how you’re doing with a “not dead whore” (in fact a VERY ALIVE BEOTCH) of a storm knockin’ on your door.

    You probably aren’t truly comforted.

    I don’t like Ike.

    Love to my Texas peeps….

    Robin (PENSIEVE)’s last blog post..Orange hands & yellow feet ~ Pictures of Compassion

  126. I have a friend who tries to work “Lolita” into every one of his posts. His traffic has gone way up since he switched to that from “Catcher in the Rye.”

  127. So, did you take a trip to Kerrville to escape Ike? Did Min and Violet go with you?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Waiting for the end – again (sigh)

  128. I think there are those who treat Google like it is the Magic 8 Ball. At least, that’s what I’m hoping based on the freaky shit they ask it that leads them to me.

    califmom’s last blog post..Upside to Homeschooling: NOT Killing Each Other

  129. Someone found my blog by googling “belly cock ring”. I was like WTF??? I don’t even own one of those! I’m sure that person was sooo disappointed when they came to my site.

    Jen W’s last blog post..I know why the Twin Towers aren’t around anymore

  130. I just found your blog and crap you are freakin funny…the lego thing had me crying funny tears at my desk and now all my co-workers think I have the flu or something because they heard me trying not to laugh which sounds a lot like me hacking up a lung

  131. You need to read achewood. http://www.achewood.com

  132. People really do look up the weirdest things!! Luckily, i haven’t gotten any…yet.

    Miss Blondie’s last blog post..Dear Tom,

  133. I am glad that you left and are safely in San Antonio. My prayers are out for your friends, family, and everyone else in your region. I can not believe so many individuals stayed behind. I am even worried about what Ike could do here in the DaFoWo area and I am almost 300 miles inland. Stay safe Jenny!

    Jeremy Martin’s last blog post..Disconcerting conversations and actions…

  134. I never really comment much because all my comments would come out the same. But what the heck else do I have to do sitting here waiting for Ike? So…WAY TOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Jill/Twipply Skwood’s last blog post..WOOHOOOOOO!!!! No school tomorrow!!!!!!

  135. -This advice comes from Gavin DeBecker’s book, The Gift of Fear. He is an expert on dealing with stalkers and rapists and other such dangerous creeps.

    Oh! I love his book “Protecting the Gift”!! When I saw it on the shelf I thought it was going to make me even more paranoid than I already am. But I knew I had to read it anyway & it was a great book!

  136. Are you sure about the resurrection thing?

    ‘Cuz Tara and Willow did it with Buffy and it didn’t look so hard.
    I think you could do it. Just put your mind to it! And start a chicken farm. Those pesky resurrection spells always require poultry sacrifices.

    San Diego Momma’s last blog post..I Can Always Get a New Face, Right? (UPDATED)

  137. Found you thru WhiteTrashMom.com, and although I am not a Mom, some might accuse me of being white trash. Kidding….I hate white trash. I’m a hater. Of white trash. I live in an overpriced yuppie suburb where it is mandatory to drive an overpriced European sedan.

    Your angry Lego cross dresser guy post was the friggin’ most hilarious thing EVER! I read it at work and had to close my office door because I feared my assistant would think I was having a total hysterical breakdown! Funniest blog post ever, especially “My name is Lori?” Oh $hit I am laughing again and now husband thinks I am having a breakdown.

    Kudos to you for your creativity and wit. But one question: When do you bloggers find the time to do what you do??? Do you work? I know, I know…I do not mean to insult, I just don’t “get it”! How do you all have the time to keep up with all the blogs out there to fuel your own audience, and Twitter, and all the other things you do to get your blog out there?

    Where do you find the time???

    P.S. Stay safe in the storm.

  138. You’re way more brave than me. I don’t check my google stats, it would totally creep me out and I’d never sleep again.

    Steph’s last blog post..Where do you start?

  139. That must be a line from a movie or something I haven’t seen. So weird.

  140. That’s funny because I originally found your blog by googling ”It is, however, truly comforting to know that you really respect the BREAD whores” because I like bread and consider myself a bread whore and thought to myself “hey! I bet there are other bread whores out there and I bet they get respect which would be very comforting.” Hehe just kidding. I started reading your blog about the same time I started stalki…uh I mean talking to you. Oh my this is akward.

    Kile’s last blog post..Tuesday Smackdown

  141. I have a total of eight (8) organic google hits. That’s all time. I guess it’s time for my shame spiral.

    goodfather’s last blog post..My beautiful wife

  142. “…but if you’re the kind of person who thinks I have a cure for “deadness” you are probably the same person who keeps leaving dead animals near my house and it’s disconcerting.”

    Well, then, dammit, I want my effin carcass back!

    tokenblogger’s last blog post..Please tell me you get this …

  143. I am new here and love it here. Can I stay, please? Not a troll though, hope that is okay. I want you to know that I am a total thief and stole one of your cards. I would like to display it. I will give you total credit, but I gotta, gotta have it.

    Thanks

    Amber’s last blog post..Tell me a story…

  144. I can only imagine that you will never manage to get this comment with all the bloggess lovers out there in the world, but if you do, come see me. I have tagged you in search of some randoms.

    Amber’s last blog post..I have been tagged…again

  145. You absolutely rock!!! Lovin’ every word!

    Jessica’s last blog post..A series of pictures

  146. At least no one searched for nude pictures of you.

    Brody’s last blog post..Dave Or David

  147. […] that I’m the first result when you google that because of the time that I wrote about how 25 people found my blog searching for the exact same thing back in 2008.  But it’s just getting worse over time and what’s even more unsettling is that 693 of […]

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