A lesson to marketers about the importance of reading the blogs they pitch to but who probably won’t read this because they don’t read the blogs they pitch to

in blogging about blogging again, I am totally overrated, Just sad, Marketing gone bad, mixing medications, no one thinks this is funny but me, Posts that will get me hate mail, Random Crap, stuff better left unpublished, terrible titles, this blog cures cancer

The following is an email thread between a marketer and myself and I swear to God it is totally true and not made up at all.  That’s why it’s so fucking funny.  To me.  Probably not to Pete or anyone else in the world.  Also, for anyone new here, I do not own a lawn service, I don’t use lotion, but I do have a history of inappropriately responding to marketers because I get bored easily and it entertains me.

Jan 10, 2009 – Dear Jenny,

I have checked your blog, The Bloggess, and I think that I have a product that you and your readers might be interested in.My name is Pete Grimaldi; we have a new shielding lotion called Skin MD Natural with SPF15 sunscreen added to the benefits of original formulation. I’d be happy to send you a tester bottle of this lotion to try and review. we’d appreciate it if your link to our site uses the keywords ‘skin care’, ‘skin care product’ or ‘natural skin care.’

Below is a new video that you might be interested in checking out. It shows Skin MD Natural shielding lotion protecting skin from rock-dissolving acid!
http://www.skinmdnatural.com/rock-dissolving-acid.html
Feel free to share this video if you wish.

Pete Grimaldi

Jan 10, 2009 – Dear Pete,
I would love to try your magical shield lotion.  I spend the majority of my day on an industrial mower and have to wear goggles to protect my eyes from rocks, however I often have an allergic reaction to the latex in the goggles. I’d love to try your product instead of goggles since your lotion is stronger than rocks. Please send me enough for my whole lawn maintenance team.

Thank you!

~Jenny

Jan 12, 2009 – Hi Jenny,

You should keep goggles (just to protect your eyes from rocks), but you can use the lotion prior to wearing goggles to prevent allergic reaction to latex. I will have 2 bottles sent – one with and one without SPF15, hope to get a collective review from the whole lawn maintenance team!

Sincerely,
Pete

Jan 12, 2009 – Great!  I’m having a little push-back from a few of my team members who don’t believe the part about about lotion protecting you from rock-dissolving acid.  Would it be possible for you send me a small sample of the acid as well?

Thanks so much~

~Jenny

So this is the point when I figured he’d read my blog and realized I was just messing with him BUT THEN HE TOTALLY SENT ME THE LOTION.  Then I went to the Mom 2.0 Summit and totally used this as an example of the importance of researching the blog you’re pitching to.  Then yesterday, I got this:

March 16, 2009 – Dear Jenny,

how are you? Have you had a chance to try Skin MD Natural lotion I sent you? What do you think?

Sincerely, Pete

March 16, 2009– Pete, the lotion was great.  My skin is smooth and not greasy and I loved that there was SPF in it as well.  Sadly, my lawn maintenance team obviously did not follow the directions well because two of them ended up getting rocks lodged in their faces in spite of the powerful rock-busting lotion abilities.  One lost an eye and threatened to sue me for disability and I insisted that he just didn’t apply the lotion correctly.  Then I generously (his lawsuit says “forcibly”) rubbed the lotion in his eyes and he started screaming “IT BURNS! IT BURNS!”  Which, in retrospect, makes sense because if the lotion is stronger than acid (and the acid is stronger than rocks) it’s probably stronger than eyeballs too.  Either way, it did not go well and I’m being forced to sell The Lawn Rangers (that’s the name of my lawn team) in order to pay for legal bills and for a new glass eye for One-Eyed Steve.  Also, I’m being sued for calling him “One-Eyed Steve”.  Apparently you can’t give someone a kick-ass pirate name without being sued for making fun of a disability.  AMERICA!  Also, before I gave One-Eyed Steve the glass eye I rubbed that lotion all over it to protect his eye socket from the sun and he started screaming again.  It was actually pretty funny because I was all “Oh, wait.  That’s totally
not going to work” but it was too late because he was already putting it in when I said it and he started screaming and they took him to the hospital.  I was all “Oh my God, I am an idiot” but if you can’t laugh at yourself who can you laugh at, right?

~Jenny

PS.  Seriously, your lotion is awesome and my hands are as smooth as an eyeball, which (take it from me) is pretty fucking smooth.  Until you get lotion in it.  Then all bets are off.

So far, no response but I’m fairly sure it’s coming.  Also I felt a little bad about writing this but in fairness I did end up using all of the keywords he requested so I’m pretty sure we’re even.

Comment of the day: How fascinating that you have to sell the Rough Riders because Pirate Steve or whatever his name is rubbed it in his eyes. They sent me their stupid lotion and I opened it just as my husband started to get a little lippy with me and you know how women can get when they’re nine months pregnant so I slathered him with that shit and poured acid on him and it didn’t work at all. The Skin MD people are not going to like my review.
And by “it didn’t work at all” I mean the lotion didn’t work at all. The acid totally worked. ~ pamela

207 thoughts on “A lesson to marketers about the importance of reading the blogs they pitch to but who probably won’t read this because they don’t read the blogs they pitch to”

Read comments below or add one.

  9. Hi Jenni,

    I was jsut doing a random keyword search on “Squid vagiana one-eyed-pirates-named-Steve labia beaver flash asian neighbor” and came across your site.

    I can see from your content that you may be interested in advertising my new PENIS-MAX-3000 self reciprocating marital aide. Honestly this thing is the best thing since the Briggs and Stratton riding lawnmower-marital aide conversion kit.

    Can I send one to you and your lesbian love Victoria (Did I spell that right)? along with our new movie/instructional video “Two Fists of Love?”

    Please let us know what you think.

    Sincerely,
    P. Ong
    Two Fists of Love Inc.

    Houston’s last blog post..Phoning It In

  10. I gotta wonder who would need skin lotion that protects against rock-dissolving acid. Skin-dissolving acid I could understand but rock-dissolving acid? Maybe that big guy from Fantastic Four? He could probably use some lotion anyway.

    Steve’s last blog post..Green

  11. You have some serious cojones.

    And, if you don’t really start The Lawn Rangers, I will.

    AND I WILL MAKE MILLIONS.

    Or, maybe that’s the name of your new book. The Lawn Rangers.

    I like it.

    It could work.

    Jamie’s last blog post..the makings of a great blogger.

  12. I don’t even know what to say to this.

    Except that I need another glass of wine, because the one I had was just snorted out my nose and onto my computer.

    If any marketers are reading these comments, I also may need a new computer.

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Under The Sea Funky Baby Blanket

  13. Around 1:36 in the video, is she saying that Skin MD Natural is the result of a “unique (mumble, mumble, mumble… I fucked up my line) between several leading dermatologists, a gynecologist and a world class chemist”?

    A gynecologist? Does that mean it protects the vagina as well?

    That is SO fucking awesome.

    Six’s last blog post..Aliens kidnapped my baby and replaced him with a broken one!

  14. mwahahaha. You rock. I’m glad I signed on while waiting for RHoNY.

    Oh, who am I kidding?

    I’m multi-tasking – watching Rock of Love Tour Bus and reading you.

    Have you watched RoL Tour BUs? I bet you’d get some more good blog fodder.

    kristin/kwr221’s last blog post..ToTaL RaNdOM NoThInGnEss

  17. lol – as a marketer, part of your job is to research so no sympathy for any who dont. i absolutely love your humor. At least he did follow up which as u probably know lacks with many! keep up the great attitude and keeping us on our toes!

  20. Can I just say that I FUCKIN’ LOVE YOU!?

    Okay I’ll scream it – like all WOLVERINE! and shit.

    You rock my socks. Seriously.

    I laughed and then I cried.

    Did I mention I would so work for The Lawn Rangers? I can drive a mean Kobota and cut some great grass. LOL

    sam {temptingmama}’s last blog post..Internet Reciprocation

  22. How fascinating that you have to sell the Rough Riders because Pirate Steve or whatever his name is rubbed it in his eyes. They sent me their stupid lotion and I opened it just as my husband started to get a little lippy with me and you know how women can get when they’re nine months pregnant so I slathered him with that shit and poured acid on him and it didn’t work at all. The Skin MD people are not going to like my review. That is, if I don’t get divorced and go to jail and have to sell my computer to pay that guy off. Men. Seriously. It’s only a flesh wound. Get over it.

    pamela’s last blog post..things they don’t tell you when you get pregnant.

  26. I really hope that Pete believed all of that, too. He does sound pretty gullible.

  34. see, i actually LIKE keywords and want them (funny i wrote a post opposite of this today)..if i am going to take the time for a project, i actually want it written where the search engines are gonna find it and its going to benefit the company. I hate when a PR rep says…whats a keyword. I think…get to know what a blog is and get back to me.

    trisha’s last blog post..At this moment RIGHT NOW…

  38. You owe me a leather couch because I peed mine.

    Well mine is bonded leather, so maybe that will be okay.

    Well actually, it’s a love seat.

    Also, pink plain flannel pajama bottoms.

    p.s. I love you.

  40. You have the best names for shit. Seriously. The Lawn Rangers? It could be so many different things. Oh the possibilities.

    And btw – wordpress is an idiot. I was trying to type my comment and accidentally hit enter while typing my email only to have wordpress tell me to type a comment… that’s what I was doing bitch nugget!

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Candy

  42. LMFAO I got that same email from Pete. I wonder if he’ll be very selective from now on? Poor one eyed Steve had to pay the fucking price. Damn that Skin MD and their bullshit lies about rock destroying lotion. I’ll bet they didn’t even test it on animals. Bastards!

    Tiffany’s last blog post..Obsessive? Me?

  43. I LOVE the scientist girl in the video! I have a hand-smelling fetish.

  44. This made me laugh so hard I cried actual tears, and my boyfriend kept asking me what was so damn funny, but I was laughing too hard to answer and every time I calmed down enough to answer him the words “lawn rangers” would pop into my head and I’d get hit with a fit of giggles agin.

    So I’m pretty sure he just assumed I was reading this site.

    Kimmers’s last blog post..We’re like traveling gypsies over here

  45. it seems that quite a few of your readers have an incontinence problem.

    betcha that lotion would fix that right up, guys. you could pour rock-dissolving acid right down your pants and piss yourself when you read funny thangs online SIMULTANEOUSLY and you’d be just fine.
    or use a shamwow, maybe. do what you want. i’m not your mother.

    sour’s last blog post..bleach-not so flattering

  51. HA! I’m so in love with this blog I could make out with it.

    I see Pete Grimaldi stopped by…that’s it? Surely your last email to him merited more of a response!

    carrie’s last blog post..wishlist du juor

  53. I have Skin MD on my bathroom counter. I’ve been using for years as a dry skin treatment. It does exactly what it says it does and my skin heals from whatever it was just great. I love it. But they have never sent me a free sample or anything. I just went to the drugstore and bought it.

    Desi’s last blog post..Raise your Hand if you’re Unsure

  57. Hydrochloric acid reacts and dissolves calcium carbonate which is a component of limestone. But I hope you don’t coat your face in limestone nor use HCl reguraely. WTF?

    So no cement on your face and using broken car batteries for exfoliation.

  59. I concur!! Perhaps I should send the Jerky guy who asked me to advertise his produce a list of why eating jerky and its wonderful water retaining abilities does NOT make one feel skinny! Hello, Jerky Dude…You types the name of the blog in the email..SEARCHING FOR MY INNER SKINNY!! Proof-read dumbass!!

    Dorsey’s last blog post..Feeling demotivated?

  65. I laughed so loud I woke my family. And just try to explain to groggy, irritated people why Steve the Pirate and hands as smooth as eyeballs is laugh-out-fucking-loud funny . . .

    P.S. Could you come up with a new blog post label that’s something like “go put a diaper on–you’ll need one”?

    country mouse’s last blog post..my date with a young man

  67. Pingback: AMomTwoBoys » SCARECROWS

  68. And I only got an offer for a *chance* at free cookware. Which if they read my blog they would know that there’s not a chance in heck we’d ever use, except as drums or cymbals for the boys.

    Lady M’s last blog post..Little Drummer Boys

  71. Awesome. That is way better than the email dialog I had with the guy – he wanted me to pimp the stuff on a vegetarian blog I was writing for at the time. He was very persistent. I’m guessing he gives up on you more easily.

    Jul’s last blog post..Germans love Obama and his body parts

  72. And THAT is how you do a review, biatches.

    I am hoping to do an MRI review, cause I totally rock that shizzle.

  74. Pingback: Mr. Topp and the Big Bad Blog » The morning coffee

  76. How did you make it all the way through this without once uttering, “it puts the lotion on it’s skin!” I’m pretty sure basket-lowering serial killers are one of the Internet’s most underserviced demographics. Then again, maybe I’m not using the right search terms. Either way, keep up the great work.

    Demonweed’s last blog post..What You Should Think About Balance

  77. I almost shitted myself.
    But if this lotion is strong enough to keep acid out, then wouldn’t it keep air out too?
    Wouldn’t that be bad for your skin if it couldn’t breath?
    I don’t know. If its that strong, I don’t want it on my skin.
    Stupid Steve, I bet he played with a bb gun when he was a kid. Its just catching up with him.

  80. OMFG. I just came from pulling an all-nighter writing a very long and serious article, and was not expecting to blow coffee snot on my computer screen. I’m totally suing you, Pete, and the entire Lawn Rangers team.

    Jane’s last blog post..The Invisible Jesus in Psychology

  84. An idea. Why don’t you answer one of those “Dear trusted friend, I am depositing 5 million dollars into your bank account from the family of the deceased King of Zimbabwe” emails and see how long you can string one of those folks along. That could be material for months!

    P.S. I do not believe you are a real person. You are just a blogger bot. Or maybe you’re not even that cuz at least I’d get an automated “Dear Friend, thank you for reading my blog.” which I haven’t received either (don’t you hate it when you type wither instead of either? It so doesn’t work.) So since you’re not real and not a blogger bot, you must be a silicon based life form from another planet or something. At least a blogger bot would send me an automa… Hey! A spermaphile!!

    Sharkey!’s last blog post..Sticks and Stones

  85. I cleaned myself up recovered from reading this, then started scanning the comments. All was well, then I came to #9…

    OHGOD THE PEEING STARTED AGAIN!!!!!

    (runs back to the bathroom frantically)

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Suck on THIS, AIG!

  87. So what the hell is One Eyed Steve’s problem, anyway? Glass eyes are AWESOME. If it was good enough for Sammy Davis, Jr., it should be good enough for one of the Lawn Rangers, for chrissakes.

    Goddamn Steve. Fucking whiner.

    Did I miss the point of this post?

    bejewell’s last blog post..A Major Award

  89. Do you know that the whole Internet is totally in love with you? Except maybe Pete.

  93. OH! I totally forgot to tell you my pirate name. We were having a pirate party in college and a friend of my boyfriend (not a good sign) came up with it, and everyone like, universally agreed upon it, even though it makes me sound like a raunchy slut, which I guess is good for a pirate name.
    Anyway-

    Dirty Blunders

    true story

    Prosy’s last blog post..Defriending

  94. HA!! This will teach them not to read people’s blogs before pitching stuff to them (us).

    Although there was a pretty great review somewhere in there, so he did get his money’s worth afterall.

    Elisa’s last blog post..Watchmen against insomnia, 1-0

  97. I think Mr. Grimaldi needs to look into selling eyeballs so he would be completely prepared for the worst case scenario. Of course, this will prompt the manufacturers to print a warning on the label, “Do not apply while on a riding mower or directly on the eyeballs before putting on goggles.”

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..All’s Fair In Love And Fishies

  109. OMG that was awesome (whoops, there goes another kitten! I am on my way to your house right now to kidnap you and keep you all for myself. Ummm, where do you live? I need directions.

  110. One day, I hope to be half as funny as you. Because you seriously made me laugh so hard, snot was coming out of my nose. And tears were coming out of my eyes. And then snot came out of my eyes and I thought that I might have to go to the hospital.

    One day, I hope to make snot come out of someone’s eyes.

    Natalie’s last blog post..My Sparkly Vampire Boyfriend

  113. It’s been a LONG time since I laughed til I wet myself…but this one just about did it for me…

  115. I just laughed out loud at work. Thanks.

    Hey, the lotion guy can’t get upset. Your terms were “lotion PLUS a small bottle of rock disolving acid”. Dude, read the fine print. 🙂

    Jaci’s last blog post..The Ex Factor

  116. After I read your post, I rubbed my skin and then my eyeball. I can’t really see anymore, but I totally agree that my skin is not nearly as smooth as my eyeball.

    That company better give you a kickback because I’m totally going to buy some of their acid fighting shit in order to enhance my skin’s eyeball qualities.

  117. I am wondering why it wasn’t a Vaginal Anti-Wrinkle Cream, for that smooth as a baby’s bottom vaginal canal we all so love and admire.

    And I am horrified trying to imagine where the dialog might have gone to should you have engaged in an exchange with a VAWC fellow.
    HE would probably end up putting out his OWN eye.

    I know I probably would.
    Have you thought of applying to Consumer Reports? They need someone like you.

  120. We get some of those as well.They’re baby marketers who have to justify their existence to their boss, and include us in the “Reached out to 20 on-line pubs for product placement/review.” One guy pimped a product to us that we had just written about FOUR DAYS BEFORE. It’s sad, but Jesus H. marketers do your research.

  127. If he really and truly did check out your blog prior to contacting you, how did he think he was ever going to get a serious response? What with the Xanax and the vaginas and the silly, this blog post (which is awesome) is the best possible outcome for him.

    Parsing Nonsense’s last blog post..My Fair Vader

  129. Seriously? I just wet myself. And if I keep reading your blog, I’m going to need Depends. So, if you want to keep me as a reader, you need to buy my adult diapers.

    Because I’m tired of pissing myself and getting my kickin’ cute jeans all wet and yucky.

    Thanks, hon!

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Dialog, Part 22

  132. Oh, Pete. I’ve been receiving e-mails from him for the last year: “How did the sample go? Are you going to write about it?” with absolutely no inkling of an idea that… I’m not going to.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one completely puzzled by his persistence.

    Miss Elle’s last blog post..How do you know if your baby is ugly?

  135. I am so onto you. I thought “Laurie” looked very familiar, and that her hair screamed confidence wig, but it was when I detected subtle slurring that I knew it was you. And I totally bet that was Victor, as the doctor behind you. I think he winked at you when you made him smell your hands.

  136. This is just too funny.

    Did Pete bother to tell you that HE’S actually blind as well, and that’s why he’s never read your blog? Yeah, seems he was lathering up his hands with that atomic lotion one day when he had to yawn and rubbed his eyes on accident.

    And the screen reader he uses at work to help him around his handicap, is programmed to filter out all bad words, so he’s totally screwed when it comes to making heads or tails out of your blog (‘cept he doesn’t even know he’s screwed because that’s a bad word and it gets filtered out too.).

    You are a complete mess…you know that, don’t you? 😉

    AJ in Nashville’s last blog post..It’s Just Another Kind of Grass

  138. I work in PR and couldn’t have laughed harder when I read this. Poor Pete. But not really.

    I like to review/try products when I can’t stand it when they say, “Hey, we’d really love to work with you we think you’re great. By the way here are the keywords you need to include in your post about us.”

    Noo thanks.

    maris’s last blog post..A Table for Two…Or Seven…

  139. Dear Jennythebloggess,

    I have been reading your blog, Jennythebloggess, for several nanoseconds and I think I have a marketing opportunity that might interest you. It is a vaginal cream that protects against vampire zombies. With added SPF300 sunscreen.

    If you think you might be interested in promoting Vamzombegone, I’d be delighted to send you a vat for review. Please use the keywords ‘ninja’, ‘hobo fingers’ and ‘WOLFEREEMS!‘ in your links.

    Yours in keen anticipation,
    Joe Clueless

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Computer Terms Illustrated #24

  142. A good laugh for the end of the day. What if we all did this when we are hit up to buy products? It would be the end of the world as we know it. Thank you.

    Ruth’s last blog post..Healing Thoughts

  144. My husband’s name is Steve so naturally his junk is “One Eyed Steve.” What a coincidence!

    And when I say junk I mean penis. Just so we’re clear.

  147. And worst part of this is that the guy with the lotion is probably a college graduate and this is, sadly, his first job out of college. Majored in Marketing and Communications. Partied so hard that most of his brain melted along the way. Does the lotion work well as a personal lubricant?

    The Medievalist’s last blog post..On procrastination

  149. this was full of win, but the fake comments (all from 8 months ago by ‘people’ that all signed up on the same days…what a coincidence!!) on the youtube video of this are hilarious…my fav by dan8008dan: “That appears to be a real laboratory. Amazing stuff, will have to get some.”

    I guess since they say that clear liquid being poured over ‘rocks’ was acid, and that the ‘rocks’ ‘dissolved’ and also, since they both proclaimed that there was no smell, I gotta believe it! will have to get some. 😐

    All I gotta say is I’m GLAD I was already on the toilet when I was reading this or it would’ve been embarrassing!

  150. seriously, this is the funniest thing I think I’ve ever read. I laughed so hard tears were streaming down my face!! I needed this, so thanks for sharing.

    you have to let us know if you ever hear from Pete again!

    Christine Staley’s last blog post..In Mourning…

  152. I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. I guess marketing works, because *seriously* I need some of that lotion.

  158. In all reality, the fact that you posted this has provided better marketing for this product than “Pete” could have ever hoped for. Marketing is an attempt to take an obscure product or service and bring it to light. You have clearly brought it to light to many even if, in doing so, you poked fnu at Pete.

  159. ah me dorlin’. are ye an irish lass or a just a sassy girl with a twist of the truly humourous. THAT was hilarious. I am currently in email congress trying to get a simple answer, 5 exchanges and still no luck. too funny. Thanks for brightening my day.

    wench’s last blog post..catch up:

  162. no one asks me to review things. now i’m feeling all sad about it. then i realized my blog is just letters to my daughter.

    for the record if anyone asked me to review wine or percoset i would dedicate claire’s entire “25 months” letter to their keywords.

    i’d be all like, “dear claire, this month you punched me in the boob so hard that i chugged 4 glasses of [your vineyard here] cabernet and then later when you shoved a barbie into my c-section scar i popped a few [your pharmeceutical company name here] percosets. by the magical healing powers of booze and prescription narcotics i feel good. i feel great. i feel wonderful….

    etc.

    katie’s last blog post..two years

  164. The product actually sounds good.

    The testimonials, if from real consumers, give it high marks. I’ll probably buy some.

    You probably can go after them for residuals…….
    THAT should be extremely fucked upinteresting.

  165. Dear Bloggess,
    You should read this as a podcast and virally spread it – it would be hilarious. I’d be the first one to post it under:

    What NOT to do when pitching bloggers.

    Then you could do tips in your own very sweet style.

    loved it!

  166. thanks for making me laugh out loud! absolutely too funny. and the fact that its true only makes it funnier. ha!

  169. Man if I only had your brain. I would have come up with the awesomest response when a dude offered to send me some wannabe rappers demo to review.
    Mainly I just laughed a lot but a response like the one you crafted to poor old Pete would have been equally as kickass if not more so.

    WM’s last blog post..It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

  170. I’m saddened that no one got the Lawn Rangers allusion to the great film Bottle Rocket.

    “One morning, over at Elizabeth’s beach house, she asked me if I’d rather go water-skiing or lay out. And I realized that not only did I not want to answer THAT question, but I never wanted to answer another water-sports question, or see any of these people again for the rest of my life.”

    I feel like that today.

  171. Pingback: Dear Body… | Mom~E~Centric

  174. i’m speechless….
    i had to cut and paste to send to friends and family – becuz theyre too lazy to click on to bloggess…..
    so now i’m making them read what makes me laugh.hahahahahaha
    luvu4ever
    s

  181. Nice gonads, chica. Seriously, well done. I am curious to know if he’ll ever discover his utter marketing FAIL, or if he’ll continue in his attempt to turn everyone into a lawn maintenance practitioner. It’s a strange, strange new world…

    emma’s last blog post..Parlez-Vous Francais

  182. This has nothing to do with “Marketers,” but how could I not share this with you?

    “Today, I found out that I am 14 weeks pregnant. The father of the baby is now engaged to my best friend, whom he was cheating on me with when I became pregnant. I’m going to be the maid of honor, 8 months pregnant with his child, at their wedding. FML” http://www.fmylife.com

    Leos, Midgets, & Mood Swings’s last blog post..Salutations From The Purple Lion…

  185. I laughed my eyeballs off.

    And think I’m gonna send this to my hubs who believes that all blogging is self-indulgent circle-jerkish claptrap. He needs to know that there are some really serious people out here, doing important work and actually saving the world for us all. One rock-dissolving blog at a time.

    (p.s. earnestgirl is my pirate Twitter name where I flash people regularly in the name of good works. See ya there, matey. & bring your sunscreen.)

  187. I’m such an idiot. My dad only has one eye and loves boating.. Why haven’t I been talking to him in pirate-speak for years? Yet another missed opportunity in life. Garrr!

    My friend’s dad only has one leg, I always told her we’d have to combine fathers to get one whole one. Particularly since they are both half-assed dads.

  188. My six year old wanted to know why snot kept on coming out of my nose while I was laughing about this.

    That post, my friend, was truly hilarious.

    I need to go blow my nose now.

    Torina’s last blog post..Please don’t whack me

  189. Pingback: Weekend link dump for March 22 « Off the Kuff

  191. One day, I will have my own lawn team, and it will be glorious. Oh yes, glorious….

  192. I found this blog today and I’m not sure if I love you or hate you. My husband is going to have me committed for talking about a giant labia and saying WOLVERINES too loudly – too many times.

    Send help, send paypal, send usb tampons.

    tammigirl’s last blog post..Kitten Goes To Hollywood

  193. I am laughing… I am crying… I might even vomit. But that is just the bulemia talking… really!

    I often wondered about these groups and what they are requesting. I was super thrilled not to long ago when someone commented on my blog that they wanted me to link my site to their site so they could [insert inane babble from things that don’t concern me] in return for sending me a ring. Well, I like rings. Then I had to look at which blog they were referring to, because, really… I am slightly addicted to blogging under various pretenses. I realized…

    They were a wedding ring company. On my divorce blog. I did send them a reply letting them know I would be happy to extend them a link on my blog, though the ring was wholely unnecessary as it is a DIVORCE BLOG. I am still awaiting a reply.

    And a ring.

    And maybe some acid.

    Or just a donut.

    Elizabeth’s last blog post..Welcome to the Hotel California…

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  198. OMG, this totally cracks me up. Pete has been sending me those emails for nearly 2 years and now I’m thinking I’ve wasted all that time deleting them when I could have been fucking with him. We should start a movement of responding to PR with smart-ass humor. You should write a book of smart ass comments for clueless marketers for our reference.

  199. Pingback: 10 ways to boldly market yourself — shatterboxx

  200. Oh my holy hell!!! I had to read it three time because I could not stop laughing. The tears of laughter drowned out my keyboard – Do you have a disclaimer for that?

  202. Hilarious! I have been a marketer my whole career (and people still like me) and this was GREAT! We marketers do the stupidest things.

  203. Pingback: Good Mom / Bad Mom
  204. Pingback: Lauren and Whitney’s PR 411 – Lessons Learned from The Bloggess (No really…) « The Decoder
  205. Pingback: Now, my favorite posts from my favorite bloggers 2009 | Mom~E~Centric

  206. A work colleague and I always write emails back to dumb ass marketers – we have yet to create kick-ass names for non-existent businesses though. Once we selected the letter ‘p’ and used as many words staring with ‘p’ in a response that we could. “Your persistent and proposterous proposition poses possible problems …”

    Gawd, the Lawn Rangers … classic

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