But if we did have an acronym it would probably just be a big “L”. Except we’re too affected to push the shift button so it would be lower-case and everyone would think it was a capital I. This is the tragedy of that disease.

in "In the ear hole", bizarre, I am totally overrated, I'm not really full of mosquitoes, If I was a dog I'd be dead by now, Just sad, no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap, why the terrorists hate us

I found this site where you choose the characters and type in your script and make them have completely inappropriate conversations and I cannot stop myself from making these movies.

[protected-iframe id=”40806264b04d5a71f97323a94328a972-58006636-3982706″ info=”http://www.xtranormal.com/players/jwplayer.swf” width=”500″ height=”350″]

You know how long I’ve been working on that movie?  Four and a half days.

Update:  Wait.  No.  It’s only been 35 minutes but I have ADD so that’s pretty much the equivalent of  four and a half days for normal people.

Update 2:  Okay, I don’t actually have diagnosed ADD.  It’s more like I just get bored a lot and never remember that I have clothes that need to go in the dryer so when I go to wash towels the wet clothes are still in there and I have to wash them again in case they’ve mildewed but then I forget to take them out again for like two more days and I have to start over again and then I just have to buy all new towels because I can’t use my washing machine for anything other than the single load of laundry I’ve been washing for the last 3 months.  I’m pretty sure that’s what ADD is. 

Update 3: Wait.  I just looked up ADD and that doesn’t sound like me at all.  Apparently I’m just really lazy.  We don’t have an acronym for that but it’s crippling.

Comment of the day:  Again with the ear holes? ~ Steve

154 thoughts on “But if we did have an acronym it would probably just be a big “L”. Except we’re too affected to push the shift button so it would be lower-case and everyone would think it was a capital I. This is the tragedy of that disease.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. Dude, what are you trying to do, kill me with your mind? I have asthma over here, don’t make me laugh!

  8. I have one kid with diagnosed ADD. I have another with diagnosed laziness.

    And one with diagnosed procrastination. Which is hard to tell from laziness and ADD combined.

    The problem is, there are pills for ADD. Not so much for the laziness thing.

    Oh, and procrastination? Not only no pill, but really, really annoying.

    The Mother’s last blog post..Baby’s First Words….Umh…

  9. juliejulie

    Are you serious? My wife is called Julie & we’ve just had a big row & I come on here & her name is stuck on here 4 times to get at me. Just coz I’m paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t all out to get me!

    Delightfully silly film btw

    Greg’s last blog post..What Men Really Mean?

  10. No. I absolutely refuse to believe that is not the textbook definition of ADD. I am counting on it, in fact, as I want meds. And I do that very same thing.

    Shit.

    “LAZY?” You mean I has lazy?

    CatrinkaS’s last blog post..Fairness

  11. Did the movie edit out asswhole? I am sure it said a-whole, therefore I too am baffled….

    One Love.

    (I’m replying in your comment because I’m too lazy to leave my own. “Ear hole.” Where’s the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex? In the ear hole. I’d probably have to explain this even if the audio was clearer. Sad, really. ~ Jenny, bloggess)

    Eddie’s last blog post..Respect Due – Staten (Go Hard)

  12. Well thank you for convincing me once and for all, that what I have, truly is a disease. Just knowing that has given me great relief. I think I probably should begin seeking a cure, but…that’s just way too much trouble, and I simply don’t have the energy to even start, because I have to start the dishwasher again. I loaded it two days ago (true story), and I THINK I ran it, but I’m not positive. Nothing in there LOOKS slimey, but I don’t remember running it, and the sink is full of dishes from the last two days, so….you know.

    Lori Hutcherson a.k.a. kcgirlgeek’s last blog post..I have TURNED into my Mother, not that Mom’s boobs are that bad….oh nevermind.

  15. Maybe you forget about the load in your washer because of all the extra fluid on your brain because, well, from having sex in the ear hole. Just a thought.

  16. Dirty mouth? Clean it up!

    I love it when cute characters are forced to say inappropriate things. Their pixels probably want to cringe, but since they’re virtual, they can’t refuse. Yet.

    Jenni’s last blog post..Dymystifying Mona

  18. This video is the exact reason I’m going to stalk you next Tuesday. I guess it’s not really stalking if you tell the person you’re doing it though, right? Look, just…please don’t send a restraining order.

    Cory’s last blog post..Twitter Much?

  22. Yeah well I don’t have any of your damned diseases. EVERYONE ELSE is sick. They are currently concocting medication that will not only be prescribed regularly but possibly be put in our drinking water for overachievers, RDD (responsibility driven disorder), PWAHT (people who always have it together) and a host of other problematic disorders.

    Right now they may make us look bad, but soon they will see, THEY WILL SEE, who’s got it together…..

    AmyAnne’s last blog post..Yin and Yang

  27. I don’t think the wife knows yet that posts like yours are the reason she keeps getting woken up at night.

    (If however you should see someone following you who reminds you of the Glenn Close character in Fatal Attraction –well, then obviously I’m mistaken…)

    Andrew Ironwood’s last blog post..I Am The Nerd King!…

  28. I thought they said a-hole too. Ear hole? I don’t get it. Now I feel like a total idiot.

  30. So, I read most of my favorite bloggers in the Gmail reader and I clicked on this: http://waiterrant.net/?p=1039 , thinking that I had clicked on you.

    And I’m reading it and thinking, Jenny has taken a totally different approach to her life but at least she got to kill a zombie.

    And then I realized that it wasn’t you.

  33. I have l too. I just restarted my washer to prove it.
    Oh and today I’ve been called retarded and a banjo picking hillbilly.

    Also? Someone told me they just wish I’d die already and lose my keyboard.

    I’m pretty sure this is like the time I was called a slut on my highschool bathroom wall. But you know, the blog equivalent.

    Ear hole.

    Betsey’s last blog post..My Best Review Yet…

  36. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid. My dad felt that Ritalin was way too expensive, so he came up with a revolutionary cure called “The Western Belt”. It worked like a charm. Nothing like having my dad’s name printed on my ass from a hand-tooled leather belt. It actually was written backwards (transposed?), but if I looked at my butt in the mirror it was back the right way.

    Virginia’s last blog post..Fish or cut Jailbait

  37. Well I guess I don’t need to worry about finding things to do at work tonight. Movies!

    That was fantastic…I feel the need to go find a Derek and see what my ear hole can do. Um..too much?

  38. They make a lot of different medications for ADD. But for laziness, I think you have to take Speed. Check with your Meth dealer; maybe he can get some for you.

    I’ll be spending the rest of the evening pretending that I’m going to study while I’m actually making inappropriate cartoon shorts. Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be able to come up with anything half as good as yours.

    Momma Trish’s last blog post..It is inappropriate to have a "favourite large yucky bug"

  39. update 2…oh, shit! that is me! just this morn, I rewashed a load of towels that had been washer trapped for 2 days and yet they still remain in the washer at this moment. Plus I have a front loading washer that starts smelling mildewy on its own without my assistance of leaving wet clothes in it for extended periods. I’m fucked!!

  40. Pingback: Totally Serial » Blog Archive » This is why I haven’t posted in 2 1/2 weeks.

  41. okay, i know it’s not fun. but i was once told that a truly lazy person made things easier for her/himself and so came up with really clever fast ways of doing things well.

  42. Heh! But sorry, the “L” word/acronymn is already taken.

    I made some of those Xtranormal movies but I ended up getting pissed off that the actors wouldn’t MOVE the way I wanted them to. They wouldn’t make out with each other and sometimes I couldn’t get them to come out of their little trailers. Stupid diva method acting coked up cartoon actors. Someday I do plan to make one, though, where an Australian voiced character named Kelly proclaims her love for me. That will be a good one.

    http://www.debontherocks.com/2008/10/on-rocks-episode-2-washing-clues-away.html

    Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..Kids, no need for pants, we’re going to Disney!

  45. Pingback: I’m not Australian :: Plain Jane Mom

  46. That website is strangely addicting. I couldn’t resist making a version of “I’m On A Boat” once I realized you could use a character with a British accent and abundant chest hair.

  48. I don’t know what everybody else is talking about “ear holes” for. The chipmunks are clearly saying “air hole”. I think Derek must be an astronaut with access to a space gravity simulator. Besides, there is not enough thrusting depth in ear holes.

    And the fact that the chipmunks have British accents completely solidifies my belief that the royal family are all dirty whores.

    Andy’s last blog post..not that i have anything against immigrants because i am one. so there.

  54. Laziness is such a terrible thing to suffer. THANK GOD YOU HAVE SPOKEN OF THIS FOR I HAVE SUFFERED IN SILENCE SO LONG. NO LONGER SHALL WE BE OVERLOOKED. I want telethons…I want support groups…I want websites where we can post and talk to each other and help each other.

    Of course, everyone would show up late to the support groups if they showed up at all.

    Actually, an interesting thing is that Ritalin cures laziness. I just thought you might like to know this in case you decide to seek help for your affliction.

    ozma’s last blog post..I’m Curious

  55. I just found your blog tonight and I think it is the funniest blog I have ever read! This stuff is laugh out load funny and I need to go to bed but I still have a year’s worth of reading to do so maybe I will read it all tonight and blow off work tomorrow! I think that just became the plan.

    Petunia’s last blog post..Fashionable Friday!

  56. This came JUST in time! Today is my last day of work before spring break and then I will be able to actually indulge in my laziness! I can focus for hours on things I like (opposite of ADD) but not move an inch (laziness). Ahhhhh!

    Jules’s last blog post..Nuggets of Delight

  58. Ah, my peeps! At last I’ve found you!

    *shrugs*

    *whatever*

    We could be LAMF (lazy ass – come on, don’t make me do all the work) if we can’t just be L…

    Tammy’s last blog post..Paradox

  61. Is there a walk for laziness? We need to raise money so we can find a cure! We should start a non-profit so we can battle this crippling disease. Eh, too much work. I’ll just go back to watching Grey’s Anatomy instead.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..LOST S5ep10

  63. If ADD was based on how long your clothes sat in the wash and had to be washed repeatedly due to memory loss, we as a planet would be screwed.
    In fact, if you think about it, with all this water conservation as an ongoing issue, if people would just remember to switch the laundry out the first time, that might solve the problem in a nutshell, you think?

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Spin Cycle: Quirky is as quirky does.

  65. I once had to re-wash my towels 6 times and then my washer broke in the middle of the 6th cycle because apparently it was pissed off at me for not giving it new things to wash (I guess washers get bored too), so I had to take all of my towels out of my stupid front-loading washer soaking wet which was an absolutely horrible experience. But not horrible enough I guess because I still forget to change loads. All the time. Oh well – Yay for laziness!

  66. whoops! also – yay for not knowing how the fuck to use xhtml in comments. Wow do I feel retarded.

  70. You always make my day a million times better.

    In other news, I have the same problem with laundry. The worst part is that when I FINALLY put it in the drier and I FINALLY remove it and I FINALLY take it to my room, I just throw it all on my bed and realize I can’t be bothered to fold it. Then, when it’s time to sleep, I throw it on the floor…where it stays. I’m not ready to be a grown up.

    Ana’s last blog post..AnaLovesMusic: I need a make up girl for a photo shoot on Saturday in Chicago. Any takers?

  72. I don’t know how Derek stuck it in those teeny tiny ear holes. He must have a teeny ballpark frank….though it would kinda suck for the bears (they are bears aren’t they?) if it plumped while “cooking”. hahaha that’s what she said! sorry, that was inappropriate and probably not funny. I should stop dropping acid so early in the morning.

    Hannah’s last blog post..we are clearly destined for eternal bliss

  73. i couldn’t decide it was “a-hole”, “ear hole” or “air hole”. I’m going with “air hole”. Which could equate to “nose sex”. Or BJs.

  75. My boyfriend has been whining about an earache all week. I bet that bastard has been with Derek! Here I was giving him ear-drops like the fucking angel of mercy and it turns out he’s got Gonnorhea of the ear or some such shit. Thanks for destroying the trust in our relationship Jenny.

    EdenSky’s last blog post..Do the Potty Wheeze!

  77. I, too, am incredibly lazy. I do get the laundry done eventually, mainly because I am too lazy to go to Target and buy new underwear so am forced to do the wash so I don’t have to go buy new underwear. Either that or sometimes I will just go commando.
    I think there should be support groups for the lazy but we’d all be to lazy to participate.

    elizabeth’s last blog post..Scrubs

  80. “Lazy” is an acronym: lassitudinous a-functional zeitgeist yadda yadda yadda, I don’t have the energy to come up with a good Y word right now so sue me, that is if you can bother getting up off that papasam chair and finding a pen that hasn’t dried out. Let me know what you decide. I will be napping. Right here.

    dan’s last blog post..Hardly Unwanted; plus photo update from North Beach

  85. I tried to make a film (“movie”) just then and I did one thing to it and it loaded 11% and I had to exit. That site takes some serious dedication. And I need a gin.

  86. Around here if I somehow forget that I had unloaded the dryer, to make way for the stuff in the washer, it like a fookin’ Christmas miracle.

    Laundry Alzheimer’s.

    Not The Rockefellers’s last blog post..Friday

  87. Is this an homage to The Honeymooners? (that’s be in the butt bob)
    I had to explain to my daughter what I was laughing at over here.

    btw – sometimes I dry those clothes that have been in the washer for three days, put them away, then when I drop the kids off for school or daycare – I realized they smell all sour and stinky. But the clothes are all put away. And I don’t know which ones to re-wash, so I don’t.

    monstergirlee’s last blog post..Not A Spring Flower – but Herself Instead

  91. FYI – If you just order new towels online the UPS man will bring them and you don’t have to go all the way to the laundry room to wash the other ones, just the front door. Also sometimes a neighbor will bring them in for you if you email them and tell them you need help right away with a box. At least they will a couple of times before they change their email address.

    penne’s last blog post..If you are employed by Child Protective Services just go on ahead to the next blog now, and have a nice day.

  93. jenny, have i told you lately that i <3 u? i have had such a bad week, and like usual, you have come through with a gut busting belly laugh.

    thank u. thank u. thank u.

    Gillian’s last blog post..Facing the Giants

  96. I’m sure this was an awesome post but I got a little bored halfway through it so I wandered off to check on my laundry, but one load was mildewy and smelled gross and another load was dry and needed to be folded and it all just seemed like a huge yawn fest so I came back here instead. And now I’m leaving this comment, even though I never finished your awesome post. But I’m really sure it was great.

    bejewell’s last blog post..Laryngitis Can SUCK IT

  97. After watching your video I decided to let my 8 year old make a video by himself. His started out with “If I was a booger I’d pick you first”. How does it feel to be out matured by a 2nd grader?

  99. Is Sex in the Earhole the same thing as Hard of Hearing ?

    All these euphemisms are getting to me……

    There is that saying…”The EARly Bird Gets the Worm” (which is I think the proper meaning of the phrase because of the Freudian symbolism), and this may also be applicable to your new venture as movie maven mogul, Jen.
    I’d like to be in your next film, if you’re casting soon. Love movies.

  101. Pingback: what we have here is a failure to bloggicate. | Swampwater Debutante

  103. Alli’s “I’m on a boat” is pretty freaking awesome, too.

    Husband wants to know why I’m sitting in front of the computer at 4 in the morning snickering to myself. Hoo boy.

    Chloe’s last blog post..The Dress Conundrum.

  106. Hey Jenny, first comment ever! Just got introduced to your blog about week ago but I’ve read through your entire archive already (I swear I’m not a stalker).

    I’ve got really bad insomnia and so instead of tossing and turning in bed trying to get to sleep I’ve made two movies tonight after getting inspired by yours!

    The Queen vs. Ninja
    – http://www.xtranormal.com/watch?e=20090328134351871

    Surgeon vs. Pimp
    – http://www.xtranormal.com/watch?e=20090328171417994

    Yay!! This is fun!! =)

  107. That was just wrong on so many levels, not least of which is that I will never, ever have that 1:30 back. I could have been putting towels in the dryer. You are a menace to fresh laundry everywhere.

    SK

    Suburban Kamikaze’s last blog post..Between the lines

  110. A guy I flirt with online asked me what my favorite position was. I said, ‘in the earhole’. Then he asked how I like to approach the penis. I said with a whip and a chair. I’m not wrong, am I? I can be into both…

    PS, I’m in love with you. MY husband is prepared to move out. How do you feel about being buried in snow?

  112. Think it’s called Indolence. Or possibly Chonic Obsessive Laziosis. The only cure — and it’s temporary at best – is a kick in the ass by your mother or granmother. Really. That is some bitter medicine. But if you really want help, you better do it.

  115. “Wait. I just looked up ADD and that doesn’t sound like me at all. Apparently I’m just really lazy. We don’t have an acronym for that but it’s crippling.”

    How about Situational Acquired Lethargy Syndrome? The Southern Adirondack Library System might get mad that you stole their acronym, though.

    Steve’s last blog post..Google Street View Car Maims Mary Poppins

  116. I just did that thing today! The thing with the mildewy clothes. And I’m so going to make a movie now.

  117. EdenSky,
    That is, to put it mildly, moving.
    Very nice, indeed!!!

    And you’ve captured the inner Jen with the hand gestures. Amazing.

  119. Um…..yes…I need to do this….but after I have slept somewhere b/t 10-14hrs. after being up 24hrs and working like 18 of them.
    YOU ROCK and CRACK ME UP!!! LOL!!!

  121. We can’t have an achronym for chronic laziness because that would require effort. And effort sucks giant donkey balls.

  123. It’s ALWAYS funnier to see little cartoon animals talking about sex. wait, wasn’t this on “Care Bears” last week? No, I’m thinking of the one where Share Bear gives everyone herpes. I believe the lesson was about how sometimes sharing isn’t caring at all…. Never mind.

    Additionally, do you have any tips on breaking into the muppet and cartoon porn industry? You know that is a niche market just waiting to explode!

    Maddie’s last blog post..What’s this? Oh, it’s nothing…it’s just a little gonorrhea. I picked it up over spring break. Want some?

  124. ahahhahahahahahaaahaaaahhhh

    Finally got to watch the movie when I wasn’t at work and I laughed so hard, I almost spit out my Pepsi on the keyboard of the library computer, which would have been gross and sticky, much like ear sex…I suppose. I mean, I don’t know.

  125. Everyone in my house but me is affected by the forget-to-put-the-clothes-in-the-dryer disease, and sometimes the forget-to-take-the-clothes-out-of-the-dryer-and-let-it-run-for-two-HOURS-on-a medium-load disease.

    They’re also diagnosed ADHD. Consider this your second-hand diagnosis!

    WineWonkette’s last blog post..Spring Has Sprung – Anaba Coriol White Blend

  126. Someone left a comment on the video and said they loved the punchline.

    Sorry, but am I really dense? Because if there was a punchline, I totally didn’t get it.

    I need these things explained to me. Apparently.

    chirky’s last blog post..Tweepy

  131. i no longer remember how i got linked here, because i laughed so hard i nearly blacked out and forgot some shit, but I think liz was involved, and i’ll be reading yu now.

  138. Pingback: The Bloggess - Derek Has A Problem « millsworks

  141. Hey Bloggess, I really did appreciate this article when you posted it. Five. days. ago. But I came here just now, after a particularly difficult few days, saying to myself “That darn bloggess BETTER have posted something new by now.” And? You have not.

    I don’t care if you have to just phone it in, but I need something. Someone needs to entertain and enlighten me.

    Now you have forced me to consider, once again, finally submitting something to Secret Spineless Whine.

    Get crackin’, lady!

    tammigirl’s last blog post..Round and Round the Mulberry Bush, You Weasel!

  142. I went and made one of those videos too. I had my two characters recreate a scene from the film Dying Young, starring Campbell Scott and Julia Roberts. And you know what? It wasn’t as funny in cartoon.

    Steam me up, kid’s last blog post..All this can be yours…

  143. Everyone says I have ADD. Only it’s undiagnosed. But maybe I do because I have a giant cutout of Zac Efron in my room who freaks me out every few minutes because I forget he’s there. I walk in and there’s Zac and then I go OMG STRANGER!!! And proceed to have the shit scared out of me. Then I remember that he can’t hurt me because he’s only made of cardboard. I could totally kick his ass with scissors.

    Ania’s last blog post..Z is for Zonda

  146. I thought sex in the ear-hole was teh normal. But now I’m concerned that it’s not. I mean if you have discovered it, it cannot be normal. Really. No?

  150. Okay. So I thought it said “air hole” – not “ear hole”. And I kept thinking to myself… that really brings a new meaning to the term “blow job.”

    Jacq’s last blog post..Take it from the top

  153. Pingback: My biggest qualification for writing an advice column is the fact that someone gave me an advice column. » The Bloggess
  154. Pingback: OMGFriday - Learning Curves « Oh, My God. Friday.

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Eye Candy: Ethereal original art and reproductions, streamable painting instruction & art journaling lessons for curious minds. Daydreams & mystics welcome.

Sylvia Shults, author and paranormal reporter: I sit in dark, spooky places so you don’t have to. Check out the award-winning Gone On Vacation: Haunted Zoos, Museums, and Amusement Parks, available in print and ebook.

Cake4Kids: We bake and deliver free birthday cakes to underserved kids who might not otherwise receive one.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading