Saving the world is hard, y’all

I know this might come as a shock to some of you but last night I had a revelation and it will change the way I write.  I was outside contemplating the sunset when I realized the pure perfection of the world and my place in it.  That’s why starting today I will no longer be using profanity and all of my jokes will come with a moral.  Like this one I just made up:

“Knock-knock.”

“Who’s there?”

“Jesus.”

“Jesus who?”

“EXACTLY, asshole.  Maybe you should go to church every once in awhile.”

And the good thing about this joke is that you can actually use it on strangers when you’re doing missionary work so it works on two levels.  Also I have this other joke about repenting where it’s all “What happens if you don’t ‘pent’ enough?  You have to RE-pent” but before I get to the punchline everyone’s all “Wait.  What does ‘pent’ mean?” and it messes up my flow and so then no one laughs and I’m all “YOU KNOW WHAT?  FINE.  It’s pretty obvious you don’t love Jesus at all.  We’re done with you”  Then I make a big deal of writing their name down on my list of people that I will ask God to curse with gonorrhea.  Of the face.  That way we’ll know who they are by sight and can shun them.  So, you know…get your shunning boots on.

Comment of the day: No, really, Jesus Who? ~ Aprylsantics

144 replies. read them below or add one

  1. my shunning boots have polka dots. It’s a well know fact that Jesus loves polka dots

    fidget’s last blog post..Handy Manny goes green! (win it!)

    Like

  2. Are my shunning boots the knee-high black ones with the skinny heel? ‘Cause they’re the only ones I really like…

    Like

  3. You really are my hero.

    AdrianaHearts’s last blog post..Let that lonely feeling go

    Like

  4. So Gonhorrhea of the face is the new leprosy, which is the new zombie virus.

    Jesus loved the lepers, he knew he was going to be a zombie soon and needed followers.

    Lepers are a heartbeat away from being zombies.

    True story.

    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..And So It Was Decided That We Will Just Be Naked For A Week And Then I’ll Totally Have This Thing Covered

    Like

  5. I hope this is just an April’s Fool Day joke b/c if not you’ve just sucked all the joy out of my life.

    Like

  6. i have my own list of people i’d like god to give gonorrhea to. shit, i ended that sentence with a preposition. fuck it. you know what i mean.

    maybe we can compare lists?

    shauna’s last blog post..the fact that the president and i are cousins had nothing to do with my accident yesterday

    Like

  7. Does this have anything to do with people unfollowing you on twitter for saying vagina? LOL

    Michelle Smiles’s last blog post..Not an April Fools post

    Like

  8. 8
    Aprylsantics

    No, really, Jesus Who?

    Like

  9. Whenever someone fucks up my flow in a joke, or tries to guess the punchline ahead of time, or anything like that, I’m like ‘well fuck you then’ and don’t finish, and I just leave them hanging. It works best with one joke that actually has two punchlines, because people always try to guess the punchline for the first joke, and then I’m like ‘Not only am I not going to tell you the rest of the joke, I’m not going to tell you the OTHER rest of the joke’.

    Then I kick them in the testicles where applicable and torch their car, because let’s face it, withholding a punchline isn’t too terrible when they can just google the rest of the joke.

    Like

  10. I. Love. This. Blog.

    groovehouse’s last blog post..SKATE CONTEST: Ace Of Skate – Victoria Tx – 04.04.09

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  11. “pent” = closely confined, as in “shut up”.
    True

    I already have gonorrhea on my face so naaaah.

    Greg’s last blog post..Uses of Twitter: Themed Tweeting

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  12. Y’all, Greg is a heathen. Everyone shun Greg.

    Like

  13. I like to wear my shunning boots as a matched set with my condemnation socks. (But mostly just because wearing boots without socks is a sweaty and disgusting mess.)

    Your joke might be my new favorite joke ever, bumping to second this little gem:

    Q: Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

    A: FO’ DRIZZLE.

    That’s right.

    Lesley’s last blog post..Pointlessly Updated TWICE: I’m Totally Like The Charles Schulz Of Bloggers (Except For That I Can’t Draw)

    Like

  14. Um, April Fools’? Fuck, I hope so. VAGINA.

    Like

  15. That’s funny because I was going to do the exact opposite. And the balance of the universe is maintained…

    Steve’s last blog post..Testing 1, 2, 3…

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  16. Yeah, thats awesome. Best knock knock joke 😀

    Karen’s last blog post..Your child needs a father

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  17. I was going to ask if you were on the meth again, but then I read the comments and noted that it was April Fool’s Day. And I was so looking forward to slamming the door in your face when you reached my house on your missionary trip. Color me disappointed.

    a’s last blog post..Insurance

    Like

  18. Maybe the asshole in your joke is just Jewish and not really an asshole at all. You are so judgmental.

    Like

  19. Nicely done. I will have to purchase the shunning boots – I gave them up for Lent back when I was pretending to be a better person.

    Jesus would want me to have them though….

    Michel’s last blog post..And Every Day I’m Learning….

    Like

  20. I’m going to do that knock-knock on the in-laws ASAP.

    FINALLY!! I have a joke for my repetoire that doesn’t include the words jello, penis, cunt, mule and porcupine in it all at once!!

    Thanks Jenny. I’d like to pay you for this joke.

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..April Fool Me Baby!

    Like

  21. Fuckfuckfuck where did I leave my shunning boots?

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Computer Terms Illustrated #25

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  22. I am totally using the knock knock joke, but I’m keeping the ‘asshole’ part, because I’m a Taoist.

    Tracy Lynn’s last blog post..The Pocket Full Of BITE ME Is Empty And We Have Moved On To A Bucket Full Of Fuck It

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  23. Awesome. Please post your list ‘o people. I havn’t shunned in a while.

    Amber Mc’s last blog post..Sex, drugs and “OHMYGOD cover your eyes Evan!”

    Like

  24. Shunning boots protect you from gonorrhea. But only if they are made from latex.

    janet’s last blog post..The Magic Between the Pages

    Like

  25. I’m pretty sure God prefers to use The Pox rather than gonorrhea. I’m only guessing though because I am the worst kind of heathen – worse than Greg. I’m a Godless Lesbian…I’m sure you’ve heard of me.

    Vikki’s last blog post..When Life Gives You B.O., Make Samosas

    Like

  26. God does not do “poxes” on people because I’ve had shingles twice and he totally would not do that to me because we are tight like O.J.’s glove so the only explanation would be that he was aiming at a heathen and accidentally poxed me BUT God is infallible, therefor you are technically making me question God here. SHUNNED. Everyone shun Vikki.

    Like

  27. Sometimes gonorrhea of the face is an asset. Like if you’re a spy you can french your enemies to death. In Jesus’ name.

    Kurt’s last blog post..The Fish of April

    Like

  28. I’m going to try that on the Jehovah Witnesses that keep coming to my house. They’d better get it.

    Captain Dumbass’s last blog post..Winners & Weiners (kinda)

    Like

  29. Can I leave my shunning boots on in bed? Like a porn star?

    That would be totally hot.

    Like

  30. I don’t own shunning boots. I have “ask me out boots”, but that’s the opposite of shunning isn’t it?

    jenboglass’s last blog post..Testosterone in the House!!! (With a Shot of Estrogen)

    Like

  31. I never knew a sunset could be so powerful — but, thank God, it didn’t last!

    Meryl’s last blog post..New Blog

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  32. lmao, too funny! I love the knock knock joke.

    Like

  33. Should be interesting to see how Nancy feels about this one.

    Sarah’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Luckiest Neighbor Ever!

    Like

  34. ::looks at the bottom of her shunning boots:: Are shunning boots supposed to have spikes on them? Because these do, but i’m not sure i trust that salesman…come to think of it i do believe he had horns and a tail…

    Dani’s last blog post..Outlook is generally sunny with a 95% chance of me saying something dumb…

    Like

  35. I love it.

    Like

  36. Gonorrhea of the face would totally suck. I wonder if your nose runs and it hurts when you blow it… oh jesus… Hey! What the hell did I ever do to you? Not cool.

    mayopie’s last blog post..My First Blog

    Like

  37. You posted this after 12 which means…you’re the April Fool! Hahahaha!

    Like

  38. Abi, I’m assuming you live in one of those backward countries that only does a 12-hour April Fools Day. We’re America. We don’t half-ass it here.

    We’ll pray for you, dirty foreigner.

    PS. Shunned.

    Like

  39. Fuck yeah! It’s about time for some shunning. I’m rsvping for one to the Shunningpalooza. With my shunning boots on and my judgmental shirt, holier-than-thou pants and you’re-going-to-hell underwear.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Hump Day Humor: 4 Awesome Chords

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  40. HAHAHAHA. Great joke! I mean, in kind of like a lame way, but still really funny. Can you get an STD on your face? Oh yeah…The Herp! I always see high school-aged girls with The Herp (you know that big oozy grossness on their lip) and wonder where their moms are. Dirty little skanks.

    sabrina’s last blog post..Things That Are Funny When They Happen to Other People But Suck When They Happen To You

    Like

  41. So, would one’s pennance be the punchline?

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Unfortunately, this is the highlight of my day.

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  42. And does this have anything to do with the Penant?
    Cuz, you know, baseball season is upon us.

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..Unfortunately, this is the highlight of my day.

    Like

  43. Most of the strangers I find myself in the missionary position with don’t appreciate jokes. Profane or otherwise.

    That was what you referring to, right?

    Pete’s last blog post.."Eh, Rasputin’s got the reach, but on the other hand the Professor’s got his patented coma lock."

    Like

  44. Speechless, I am. You know, you really do have a brilliant way with words.

    Katy’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Eggie Edition

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  45. Looks like a shunning boot, feels like a sneaker.

    miss thystle’s last blog post..I am the April Fool

    Like

  46. Dammit, I lost my shunning boots in ‘Nam.

    Like

  47. i know what you mean – i had the same kind of epiphany last night when i was sitting on the couch watching Barefoot Contessa’s chins and tripping on vicodin: avacadoes are jesus in ugly, green wrappers.

    that gem came from the almighty directly to my lips, i fucking swear to…i promise.

    cat’s last blog post..HOLY SHIT GODZILLA!

    Like

  48. I’m wearing them now. Can’t you tell?

    Mari’s last blog post..Swoon

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  49. Can I substitute my Shunning boots for my Fuck Me boots? I know fucking is totally the opposite of shunning, but the Shunning boots give me wicked blisters.

    MButterfly’s last blog post..A Beautiful Finish

    Like

  50. Love you blog. You made my day… fuck and vagina

    Kelley O’s last blog post..90/365 reflections

    Like

  51. If you ever tell the “repent” joke to Hugh Hewitt, can I be there to watch?

    jenniebee’s last blog post..Context

    Like

  52. I would have laughed

    But I already know you’re going to hell

    Like

  53. Jenny is doing missionary work? Or did she say she was working in the *missionary position*, and my browser just cleaned it up a bit?

    Oh, and my spouse gave me The Pox. For my birthday. As a present. No lie.

    ~EdT.

    EdT.’s last blog post..There’s a Tax for That

    Like

  54. I heard a joke on the radio this morning about shingles and I wept because it is basically the most awful experience I’ve ever had. Forget gonorrhea of the face. Just make God give every mad cases of the shingles. I’ve never had gonorrhea so I can’t tell you if it hurts or not, but shingles can bring down the mightiest man.

    Who gets shingles twice?

    Krista’s last blog post..Once Upon A Dream

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  55. Don’t eat dirt.

    andy’s last blog post..One step closer to Skynet, folks

    Like

  56. So what if you’re just innocently having ear-hole sex and you get gonorrhea of the face?
    Do you still get shunned?

    Like

  57. 57
    wickedchild42

    Apparently April 1st is the best day for shunning. I shunned someone right before I reaad this. Can I please add him to your list of gonorrhea-faced losers?

    Like

  58. New. Favorite. Joke.

    Maxie’s last blog post..The Big Prep

    Like

  59. i need to get a good “Fuck You” dress to go with my Shunning Boots first. Becuase, really, what good are Shunning Boots if you don’t have a stellar “Fuck You” ensemble to accompany it? Jesus knows what I mean.

    Like

  60. You know, genital warts on the tongue are as effective as face gonorrhea.

    I’m just sayin’.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Issues

    Like

  61. When watching the sunset it is best not to look directly into the sun…but it it good to look directly at the son…that was like this close to being something with a moral…but not really. Maybe a parable..no not that either.

    Cedarflame’s last blog post..A Mess and Stressed

    Like

  62. WWJS? (What Would Jesus Shun?)

    That’s ok about losing a follower. I thought ‘Super Why’ (on PBS) said “Vagina is hungry”. Turns out it was “The giant is hungry….”

    Like

  63. 63
    skinny malinky

    I don’t think strike-throughs will fool God, missy. He saw your asshole, oh yes he did, so now you’re going to be using your shunning bots on yourself.

    And I’ve just set my own personal best for filthiest sentence ever written at work.

    Like

  64. My new phrase is “and, shit.” As in,
    “Come set the table, and shit.”
    “I hate you, and shit.”

    So, umm, Amen, and shit.

    Andria and Co.’s last blog post..The News Room Goes Silent

    Like

  65. Don’t go changing, to try and please me
    You never let me down before
    Don’t imagine you’re too familiar
    And I don’t see you anymore
    I wouldn’t leave you in times of trouble
    We never could have come this far
    I took the good times, I’ll take the bad times
    I’ll take you just the way you are

    Don’t go trying some new fashion
    Don’t change the color of your hair
    You always have my unspoken passion
    Although I might not seem to care

    I don’t want clever conversation
    I never want to work that hard
    I just want someone that I can talk to
    I want you just the way you are.

    I need to know that you will always be
    The same old someone that I knew
    What will it take till you believe in me
    The way that I believe in you.

    I said I love you and that’s forever
    And this I promise from the heart
    I could not love you any better
    I love you just the way you are.

    Billy Joel probably didn’t know he was writing that song for our love affair.

    La Framéricaine’s last blog post..March Is Almost Officially Over…

    Like

  66. Not sure what to do, my shunning boots are in the shop for rebuffing….

    Like

  67. You are a sick sick woman but I cant help but read your posts. I guess that means I am sick too.

    Julia’s last blog post..A Day at the Spa

    Like

  68. Dammit! I was so looking forward to getting your missionary call. You’d ring the doorbell and I’d answer and you’d be all, “Have you found Jesus?” and I’ll be all,”I’ll find YOUR Jesus!”. And then we’ll go to the bar. Awesome.

    MonsteRawr’s last blog post..Screw You, Steve Jobs

    Like

  69. You need special boots for shunning? We have Amish all over the place where I live and I didn’t get the memo. Maybe I should check my email.

    Can I where kicky shunnng stilettos instead?

    Condo Blues’s last blog post..How Do You Plan Landscaping When You Suck At Gardening?

    Like

  70. 70
    Bananarama

    A priest meets a drunk outside a bar. The drunk claims to be Jesus. The priest disagrees, the man insists. Finally, the priest says, “how can you prove it?” The man, says “come with me.” They go inside the bar. The bartender says, “Jesus Christ! Not you again!”

    Shunning boots be damned! That was a funny joke. And the good part about this joke, is you can use it on strangers when you’re in the missionary position… that’s what you said about your joke, right? Yeah. All over that.

    Like

  71. Seriously, when you don’t blog for a few days I get anxiety. Seriously. Don’t you realize I’m stuck in the house with a 7 week old baby and the only form of communication/entertainment is the internets?!

    Bah.
    P.S. Please curse, cuss, whatever. Just do it already.

    Marisa’s last blog post..Adjusting to having spit up in my hair

    Like

  72. If the missionaries told me knock knock jokes I might actually invite them in. Especially if they started with stuff like ” so a guy walks in to a bar” .

    WM’s last blog post..Look Mom, Barbie sprained her Crotch

    Like

  73. my shunning boots got scuffed today when I was trying to be nice and deliver some stuff to a friend.

    Oh and I fell down her front steps. Because of said boots.

    Domestic extraordinaire’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday- A girl and her mother

    Like

  74. I will pray for you, sister.

    Ha, no.

    Swistle’s last blog post..Speaking of Fools for the Second Time Today

    Like

  75. I try really hard to shun people but they never notice, which kind of takes all the fun out of it. Maybe I’m not wearing the right boots.

    Lunasea’s last blog post..Keep Looking Up

    Like

  76. True fact: In college one of my friends thought she had strep, went to the doctor, and found out she had gonorrhea of the the throat.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..Reasons to laugh at me…

    Like

  77. You’re a missionary? Now it all makes sense!

    Alison (aka cluckandtweet)’s last blog post..Heading Out of Dodge? Tips for the Trip. Plus, “I Pity Da Fool!”

    Like

  78. May I just touch the hem of your garment?

    Musing’s last blog post..In honor of the day

    Like

  79. You just won’t listen to reshun.
    Re-shun, get it? Well, do ya?

    That’s fucking hilarious, and you WILL thank me later.

    Like

  80. I don’t have any jokes about The Jesus, so I’ll just borrow yours, k? Thanks.

    Andi’s last blog post..Ramblin’ Sam

    Like

  81. 81
    JC (really my initials - not Jesus)

    I’m totally using that knock-knock joke on my parent’s priest during communion on Easter.

    Like

  82. Do these shunning boots make my ass look fat?

    No, really.

    daysgoby’s last blog post..direct red, by gabriel weston

    Like

  83. I LOVE gonorrhea of the throat cuz there’s only one way to get that, and man does it make you look like a skank.

    Shunning boots sound like some Disney ride, let’s all put our shunnin’ boots on and go visit Br’er Rabbit!

    Vagina.

    Like

  84. I am glad you have reformed.

    Spewing your foulmouthed puke, piss, and pus garbage on my nice clean computer monitor was just like spitting on Jesus’s feet, right after he’d taken off his pair of shunning boots.

    Like

  85. Knock knock jokes make my world go ’round. You’ve just added to my collection.

    Like

  86. Oooh I had a killer pair of black thigh high shunning boots….but then I screwed a zombie to save my life. Hey…it was either that or douse myself with vinegar and rub an onion on my head and I so don’t like the smell of onions OR vinegar.

    FYI: never wear your good shunning boots when fucking a zombie. Thanks to poor zombie sex judgement my thighs and boots have a nasty ass hole in them. Can I shun barefoot and limping?

    Like

  87. That cursing people thing is pretty old. In Bath, in ancient Roman times, people used to write the name and offense on a piece of parchment, and throw it into the springs, so the gods could do their worst.

    Just FYI. Cursing is not limited to Christians.

    The Mother’s last blog post..Help! Aliens are Taking over my Living Room!

    Like

  88. Coincidentally my shunning boots are also my crime fighting boots. So it is convenient really that I wear them because this way I have the option of fighting crime should I feel like it a bit later on.

    Like

  89. My shunnin’ boots and my stompin’ socks!

    Samantha’s last blog post..Apparently this is what insomnia does to me…

    Like

  90. I’m so excited! My red sparkled shunning shoes came in the mail today. The pope blessed them for me (for an additional charge, of course… Just like shipping insurance.). His eBay store has the greatest array of shunning apparel! Hey, did you get your evite to the 12th annual Shun Run? It’s in Cleveland this year for some reason…. I know I’m gonna make it the whole 50 miles this year! Being excommunicated for not completing the run last year sucked!! Soooooooooooo much paperwork!

    Vagina.

    Like

  91. Are “shunning boots” sandals?

    MommyTime’s last blog post..The Things They Say

    Like

  92. Not swearing on your blgo is the best you could come up with for April Fool’s?!?! Come on! You could have went with something like, ohhhh, maybe Nancy the Paralegal was Fedex’s to you special delivery and you wined and dined (or just wined) until all hours of the night learning her trademark emailing secrets.
    Or maybe that your R.A. got so bad you turned into a pretzel. I think I have R.A. maybe just A. Aw fuck! I threw that in there just for you…the swearing! Don’t be jealous.

    So Not Mom-a-licious’s last blog post..Ain’t that a bitch.

    Like

  93. lol – it’s nearly easter – can we just crucify them instead? A row of crucified people really says “Jesus Loves Meh (much more than you)”. (I want that on a tshirt.)

    Sheila’s last blog post..Saved by the Amish

    Like

  94. I had herpes on my forehead last month.
    Does that count?

    Sharkey!’s last blog post..Zen and the Art of Target

    Like

  95. Shunning boots must not be a Catholic thing because the sisters at school never mentioned it. Y’all protestants have any interesting spin on things.

    annie’s last blog post..The Bearded Lady

    Like

  96. I never knew anyone with G of the face. I did know someone with crabs of the throat – he coughed a lot for a while.

    Can you guess how he got that?

    Like

  97. I’m pretty sure you’re going to be sainted for this noble work, especially when The Real Pope gets wind of it. Saint Jenny! Oooh, what day will you pick to be yours?!

    Like

  98. Yeah, cursing the non-Christians rather pushes the love and charity off the secular cliff. But damn if it weren’t an ugly-ass gonorrhea cliff with shedding and pustulated edges. “Cleanse in the baptismal waters below, you foul beast. And mind the jagged rocks upon landing.”

    Mia Watts’s last blog post..Netting Endangered Mammaries

    Like

  99. Fuck the shunning boots, I want the Funning Boots — the ones that put the fun back in Jesus jokes. Because those ones you got in your revelation were NOT stellar. Just sayin’.

    Amy @ The Bitchin’ Wives Club’s last blog post..200th Post…. and the birth of the Trainwreck Award!

    Like

  100. OMG! I wrote about Jesus too today! I think it will lead to my going to hell though. I expect to see familiar faces there though.

    Maddie’s last blog post..Can I get an ‘Amen?’ No? Can I just get some men?

    Like

  101. -Honey, did they just change your medication again? Or is it just some PENT up religious fervour coming out? (Ha! See what I did there? Pent?)

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Your turn!

    Like

  102. I would be very sad without the fucking swearing

    Like

  103. so YOU’RE the one who puts all the pithy messages on the church bulletin board down the street from my house? it’s all making sense now. earlier this week it said that I killed Jesus and then today it said “deny Jesus, get herpes”. I actually feel better now that you specified that it’s actually going to be gonorrhea of the face…that’s much more comforting.

    Hannah’s last blog post..spread the vomit

    Like

  104. I am Catholic. My shunning boots are already on, sister.

    Shana’s last blog post..It’s official…

    Like

  105. Is shunning the same as smiting?..cos I do alot of smiting..and can I use that joke next time the Jehovahs come a-knocking? 🙂

    shelly’s last blog post..JUST MAKING SHIT UP AS I GO ALONG

    Like

  106. Shit. My shunning boots are getting new heels put on – how’sabout my shunning flip flops?

    No?

    Damn.

    Like

  107. shit- that was damn funny.

    Like

  108. Here’s a similar joke we used to tell back in my own missionary days:

    “Knock knock.”

    “Who’s there?”

    WHOREMONGER!

    Evn’s last blog post..Now with more famous!

    Like

  109. I may have to stop following you for not cussing anymore. Fuck.

    Jules’s last blog post..G-20 Protesters Go ALL Out, For Sure

    Like

  110. Can I steal your idea and make a list of my own? I have a few people I want to put on it.

    WickedStepMom’s last blog post..Stop singing in my FACE!!

    Like

  111. That joke and you are awesome.

    zandor’s last blog post..22 candles to blow out.

    Like

  112. I just checked the symptoms of gonorrhea and they include burning sensation when peeing..which would really hurt ones face , and a yellow pus like discharge from the tip of the penis. Which if one had gonorrhea on the face I guess the discharge would come from the nose and then every one would look like they had a really bad cold.

    In an efforto to avoid shunning the wrong people we will need to aks them to pee and see if they wince. If they do shun away.

    William’s last blog post..Bathroom Begats

    Like

  113. That’s an old joke. Dates back to the First Century.

    Knock Knock!

    Who’s there?

    Jesus.

    Jesus Who?

    Jesus Who Be Gwan Send Yo Ass Ta HELL, Biatch.

    Obviously a Jesus out of the Old Testament, the pimped out version with snakeskin binding

    Like

  114. Oh my gosh I love this! Def. keep a tiny little notebook with a tiny little pencil that you can use to sribble in whenever people are sin’n around you.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Don’t Skip Ahead and Say Congrats.

    Like

  115. To be shunned in such a manner makes one contemplate the varitable ways a woman might scorn them…I’ll check the mirror from day to day to see if my nose leaks puss…until that day shun on!

    Jason’s last blog post..Release News

    Like

  116. My favorite Jesus joke is:

    How do you know Jesus was Jewish?

    He lived at home until he was 30
    He went into his fathers business
    His mother thought he was God . . .

    And he thought his mother was a virgin. 🙂

    Like

  117. A guy walks into a bar, slams his fist on the bar and demands a drink. He looks around, then yells “ALL DEMOCRATS ARE HORSE’S ASSES!!!” A guy sitting down the end of the bar yells back: “HEY YOU!! You better watch your mouth!”

    The first guy snaps back: “What are you, a Democrat?!”

    To which,, the second guy responds: “NO! I’m a HORSE’S ASS!”

    I think Jesus would like this joke.

    ~EdT.

    EdT.’s last blog post..Hell’s Kitchen: Lacey stands too close to the heat, gets burned

    Like

  118. My shunning boots, big girl panties, and scowl of disgust are all ready to go.

    LiLu’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: Buzzcuts for Everyone! (And Every Thing…)

    Like

  119. I think Jesus led me here.

    Praise Jesus!

    Like

  120. 121
    PunsKillPeople

    ASKJSLAKSGASJF

    FFFFFUUUUUUUCK.

    I am *so* glad this is an April Fool’s. I was about to throw myself under a bus for a minute there. A bus full of small and easily-tramautized small children, because if I’m going to go out I might as well go out with a bang. Or a pop/splatter.

    Like

  121. […] second follower was — drum roll — THE BLOGGESS!!! — who is the most awesome and funny writer ON. THE. PLANET. — because I asked her […]

    Like

  122. I told the knock knock joke to my husband and he didn’t think it was funny.

    What an asshole!!

    Like

  123. We’ll pray for you, dirty foreigner.

    Do you shun dirty foreigners too? Do we need special boots for that? How about cunt nuggets.. do we shun them? I would so shun them..

    My shun boots have spurs on them.. is that ok?

    Juice’s last blog post..Dear God, Can I have a do over?

    Like

  124. I know its sinful to read your blog, but I can’t help myself. Its a good thing Jesus forgives or I’d be in deep trouble.

    Melissa’s last blog post..Northern Arizona

    Like

  125. Here’s another fun joke unless the person fucks it up by just staring at you in confusion.
    “It smells like updog in here.”
    “What’s “updog”?”
    “Not much. Wassup with you?”

    shenanigans’s last blog post..Most boring Charlottesville news article of the year award goes to…

    Like

  126. OMG shunning boots . . . must be like fuck me pumps . . . except they would be fuck you pumps . . . yeah I’m gonna get some fuck you pumps . . . will make me want to pent

    Elaine at Lipstickdaily’s last blog post..April Fools Laughs

    Like

  127. […] … female pubic hair and genitals, according to The Vagina Lady, whom I found by browsing recent tweets from The Bloggess. […]

    Like

  128. Whew so glad this is a joke except the part about you having shingles. I had my daughter the day before April Fools cuz like who wants that day for a birthday. What a nightmare

    habanerogal’s last blog post..Happy sweet 16 Suzie

    Like

  129. I’ve read three post, total, and you are my new fvorite blogger based just on those.
    If i get time to read your archive, i may make a bronze idol of you to worship.

    Like

  130. Me, I kinda gave up blogging for lent, but only because I’m lazy, and it sounds way better to say it like I’m being all righteous and pope-like. Tonight I was totally channeling The Bloggess, so you may sue me now..

    davido’s last blog post..I am the last guitarist alive

    Like

  131. […] The Bloggess tells a knock-knock joke – that just might save your soul. […]

    Like

  132. Nooooo. Bring back the filth!

    corrin’s last blog post..Twitter. Tweet. Twat?

    Like

  133. All right already! I repent and belieeeeeeve!

    tracey’s last blog post..Nah nah nah nah nah nah, we’re gonna have a GOOD TIME….

    Like

  134. You know, gonorreah of the face is a great conversation starter at parties. It looks like you smeared cheese on your lip and then everyone excitedly asks you where the cheese is. You can send them all over the place looking for cheese- on a wild gonorreah chase if you will. And you know what, I will.

    So maybe you should only give gonorreah of the face to people you like…

    Katherine’s last blog post..My Name is Katherine and I’m a Triathlete

    Like

  135. Oh my facking god marry me!

    I couldn’t stop laughing for a good 15 minutes over that knock knock joke.

    I am now hooting like an owl in the office.

    JEEEZUS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

    ROFPMPLMAO

    thedemigod’s last blog post..Hobbits are NOT Terrorists

    Like

  136. Maybe if I make a Wikipedia page about it, HR will finally let us have a “Sexual Innuendo Day.” Is there anyonew who doesn’t think this shit is funny? Is it that hard???

    That’s what she said…

    See!

    Beth’s last blog post..Things I’m really good at…

    Like

  137. I now understand why my friend, spazz.me, loves your writing so much. You’ve made a fan out of me just by the few posts I’ve read tonight.

    razorsandvines’s last blog post..okay, well…

    Like

  138. So I’m really so proud of you for quitting over the whole sweatering of the cleavage… and I applaud that it’s to “try writing for a year”…that makes it sound like so noble, …hell yeah! Also a really good picture of some awesome cleavage and also how you got your cute pussy in the picture, too. (although I am confused because I looked real close and he seems to have really normal sized lips??!)
    …whadduya mean two posts ago? dammit. shut the fuck!

    Like

  139. …what?! two posts in the future!? what fresh hell house of mirrors is this?

    Like

  140. that joke was awesome. i almost peed my pants. people should almost pee there pants more. you get that belly laugh going then you realize you need to work out and then you try but you fall off the treadmill from going to fast and break your leg and the you get really fat and suicidal and get all kinds of daddy issues then you realise it all started with your father shuning you becasue you blasfimed. whooooo crisis averted, didnt tell my dad the joke yet. thanks for the laugh.

    Like

  141. Hardcore says:
    knock knock
    ?Nolan? says:
    who’s there
    Hardcore says:
    Jesus
    ?Nolan? says:
    Jesus who
    Hardcore says:
    Exactly! Maybe you should go to church once in a while!
    ?Nolan? says:
    oh snap
    you just went biblical on my ass
    Hardcore says:
    that made me snort

    Like

  142. 144
    pinterest.com

    Doing any task with passion and lust, makes every task an enjoyable journey.
    This is where dating advice tips can come in handy.
    If you are planning a party contact Perth Party Hire for the perfect arrangements
    and many other benefits also.

    Like

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