The time I got verbally assaulted at HEB *UPDATED*: Never mind.

in bizarre, Just sad, phoning it in, Random Crap, why yes I do know how to operate an EMF detector

Two things that happened to me this morning at the grocery store:

1.  Victor insulted me by implying that I didn’t know how to use a mop because I called him to tell him I was buying a mop since we can’t afford a maid now that I’m unemployed and I started yelling at him that I did too know how to use a mop and that I’d even bought a bucket and some mop juice and Victor was all “Mop juice?” and I was desperately rummaging through my cart to find it so I could remember what normal people call it and I’m all “You know, that juice for your mop.  It’s like soap” and then Victor just sighed and then I got all freaked out because this shit never happened to me when I had an office job and a maid service and then I realized that now this means my maid was going to be out of a job and I was all “Oh my God, I CREATED THIS RECESSION” and I had a little panic attack in the middle of aisle 3.

2.  Then when I was checking out the bagger asked me if I was “going to any teabagging parties today”.  Like, WTF?  And the cashier was just looking at me waiting for my response and I was all “Uh…no” because I was too shocked to say anything else and then I got home and thought maybe teabagging means something else now but no, I googled it and it still totally means the same thing.

 thatswhatithoughtitmeant

Like, I don’t even have a witty ending here to wrap things up.  I’m *that* freaked out.  Teabagging.  I am never going back to HEB.

UPDATED:  Hi.  I’m an idiot.  Apparently “teabagging” is a truly horribly named Republican rally going on around America today to protest taxes or tea or something.  Teabagging.   Good one, Republicans.  You totally got me.

Comment of the day: There was probably one guy at the republican meeting that said “hmm, maybe we should call it something else … ” and then the other guys were like “why?” and the only smart guy goes “oh, never mind, it’s nothing … ” ~  CasaRosa

211 thoughts on “The time I got verbally assaulted at HEB *UPDATED*: Never mind.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. You had a maid before? And now you have to do the cleaning yourself? Is this going to interfere with your writing? I’m worried….

  3. Not a full-time maid. Just a two times a month, mop-the-floors-for-me-because-I-don’t-know-how-to-do-it-myself maid service. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Or I’ll burn the house down.

  4. My cousin works at the HEB in the Woodlands… and I’m pretty sure that he wouldn’t say something like that, but I guess you never really know. So *crosses fingers* it probably wasn’t my relative who verbally/sexually assaulted you today. I think.

  6. I wonder if you suffer from the same thing I do. I think it’s called deafness. My sister and I will have these epic conversations where she’s all “I want to adopt a cat but I want to make sure it has a job.” Then I ask her what kind of job a cat could possibly have and she says “shots, you deaf bitch.”

    Seriously though…a teabagging party? Scary.

    AdrianaHearts’s last blog post..A Softer World – 3

  8. Do these heteronormative types all KNOW that they are announcing they are teabagging the government? Because I don’t think that word means what they think it means.

    And also? Who knew a revolution could be so hot?

  13. Mop juice is highly over-rated. You need to get a swiffery thing and stick baby wipes to the bottom of that thing. Best mop EVER! Or you can just step on the baby wipes and skate around your kitchen. Act like it’s tons of fun and soon Hailey will be mopping for you!

  14. Oh my God, they actually asked you? Do these people have no idea…?

    I love Rachel Maddow – this made me fall of my chair. You should be on her show. It would be all KINDS of awesome.

  15. Maybe he was implying he wanted to invite you over for his own teabagging party, that is if you didn’t already have plans with some other ‘bagger’! HA gives a WHOLE NEW meaning to “Would you like that double bagged ma’am?”

  19. Tea party, not tea bagging. What is wrong with the HEB people? Can they not get a good protest party name right? Geez.

    I miss having a maid. I have a job, but no maid. Sad really. On the upside, I am hemorrhaging cash, so I’m making up for all conservative spending habits by my little lonesome self.

    The Diva’s last blog post..Changes are afoot . . .

  22. I bet it’s not the first time being teabagged for most of those old guys in Washington.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..But I’m sure that if I had an opportunity to talk to Simon, even briefly, that we would have fallen in love, or at least become pen pals, and I would be invited to spend summers with him in England and then we could buy those break apart heart necklaces that say “Best Friends” and I would never take mine off.

  26. OMG, first the president and his wife were fisting in public, and now the conservatives are teabagging. What is the world coming to?!

  27. There’s a grassroots movement around the country for a Taxed Enough Movement (TEA) today since it’s Tax Day and they’ve been mirrored after the Boston Tea Party, hence why they’re called teabag parties… so that’s prolly what he meant. But, I think I’d rather think he meant the urban dictionary version.

    Maggie’s last blog post..But I’m le tired!

  28. Hey, aren’t you exempt from housework with the RA diagnosis? I would think that housework might aggravate your condition. After all, how much meth CAN you take and still be functional? Too bad Hailey’s not old enough to assign chores to. 4 years olds suck at housework.

    Pop and Ice’s last blog post..1-2-3 Red Light

  29. Totally had a similiar coversation today with a Target employee … about where to locate mop juice, not teabagging.

  34. You know, anti-tax teabagging and urban dictionary teabagging are not mutually exclusive.

    I’m not sure where I’m going with this.

  37. How appropriate that Republicans are forming teabagging parties.

    Think Progress had the best headline: “Tea Baggers against Obama”.
    Priceless.

    On the other hand, now every time you put the mop in the bucket, you’ll think “tea bag!”

    Sal’s last blog post..Country was a dictatorship

  38. Okay, I need to know – is looking up canadian backhoe:

    a) better than looking up “goatse” in Urban Dictionary (fair warning if you haven’t – dear god you canNOT unsee goatse)

    b) worse than looking up “goatse” in Urban Dictionary

    c) about the same as looking up “goatse” in Urban Dictionary.

    p.s. I’m hoping that your suggested ads also draw keywords from the comments, because if they do, then goatse goatse goatse goatse goatse goatse goatse goatse goatse goatse goatse goatse

    swandive00’s last blog post..Gluten free brown sugar coffee cake

  39. I’m sorry, but what on earth did you have in that cart Woman!?! Other than mop juice that is. I have to know what purchases imply that you MUST be headed for a Teabagging Party. (I can’t even type Teabagging Party without giggling like a school girl!)

  40. I’m so glad you posted that definition because I’ve been seeing stuff all day about “teabagging” and I knew it was something dirty but I wasn’t sure what, exactly, so I wanted to google it and find out but I’m at work and the IT nazis monitor everything and if it turned out to be something really gross and pervy I wouldn’t want them thinking of me in those terms.

    But now that I know it just means sucking on scrotum I guess I was worried over nothing.

  44. See, I need a maid. My husband and I both work full time and we agree that we need a maid. But I find that although I am really bad at housekeeping, I’m even WORSE at figuring out how to go about finding a maid. Plus I’d be one of those weirdos who cleans the whole house before the maid arrives because I’d worry that the maid would judge me for my filth. And if I don’t have the time or the inclination to clean my house now, how am I supposed to find time to clean for the maid? And how is it at all helpful to pay some stranger to come over after I clean? My friends would probably come over for free if I cleaned! Maids are evil.

    Jacquie’s last blog post..is the glass half full, or am I almost out of beer?

  45. Wow.

    You know Jenny I might need to thank you. My college age daughter reads you and I think you’re giving her a mighty fine education in sexual terms. Not that she needs them at the Bible College that she attends, but they are probably good to know when she’s carrying on a conversation with the checker at the grocery store.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..Toasting Maddie

  48. I could almost feel bad for you, if I weren’t insane with jealousy over the fact that you EVER had a maid service.

  49. So THAT’S what all that douchebaggery is about all around me!!!!!! I couldn’t figure out why people were waving American flags, honking their horns and playing country music at ungodly levels throughout my city.

    Oh, Republicans. YOU SLAY ME.

    Natalie’s last blog post..Remembering Madeline

  51. OK. Wait.

    I thought teabagging was when a guy put his nutsack on the forehead of the poor soul (you know the one) who ALWAYS passes out early at the party.

    Must be a Louisiana thing. Hm.

  54. And the TV announcers are the worst culprits because they keep repeating.

    Teabagging!
    Teabagging!
    TEABAGGING!!!!!

    How can they keep straight faces? Seriously, I would blush and crack up. Or at least call the PR guy for the Donkeys and whisper, “Ahem, you DO know what that means, right?”

  57. But wait. You never told us what “mop juice” really is. I suspect we own a mop, but I can’t testify to that from first-hand knowledge. But if we do, I’m sure it needs juice.
    (Also, the first kind of “teabagging” still sounds like more fun to me than tax protesting with Republicans. But that’s just me.)

    Lori’s last blog post..Another Redirection

  59. J: No more maid? I think it’s time you put the little crumb cruncher to work. Hand her the mop and let her have at it!!

  61. I think I am, for the first time ever, feeling a little like a stalker and creepy and rejuvenated all at once because of your blogs. I can’t get enough. Why do you have to sleep or anything thing else that might take your attention away from writing blogs for my amusement?

  62. OMG, that happened at HEB – If the execs saw this they’d all have to be rushed to the emergency room.

    I think I peed in my pants just a little reading this. I needed that laugh and I’m going to borrow mop juice to use on my husband.

    Dijea’s last blog post..Apparently, I am evil and dumb……

  68. First “fisting” and now “teabagging”? The only explanation is that politicians must be trying to assimilate lewd sexual practice terminology into their political jargon as a marketing strategy. I’d have to agree that porno addicts and sexual deviants are an overlooked and largely unclaimed demographic.

    Carrie’s last blog post..vicarrieous: What’s your NPR name (http://is.gd/sBUU)? Mine is Carrime Versailles, which shows that I both unimaginative and not well-traveled. #NPRname

  69. The name is just their way of reaching out into new communities. Although, can you imagine if you went a rally expecting to put your scrotum in someone’s mouth and a buch of asshats were bitching about taxes? I bet that happened a lot.

  70. It’s like the Republicans are laying bait for liberals. If you KNOW what teabagging is then you must be a dirty filthy liberal.

    But if you are innocent and wide eyed, and only think of political rallies. Then you are a Republican. Or retarded. Either.

    Lotta’s last blog post..You Are Getting Very Sleepy My Dear

  73. 1. I wish I had a lady to use my mop juice for me.

    2. I totally had the exact same response to this teabagging thing. Someone asked me what I thought of the teabagging and I just said, slowly, “I’m personally opposed, but I mean, whatever…I mean, if that’s your thing I guess….” Oddly I feel this answer works for both definitions.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..Wordless, April 15

  74. Could be worse. I was invited to a BlowJob party… it’s exactly what you think it is. And I forgot my mop-juice. Terrible night!

  76. Ok, so I couldn’t resist looking up the whole “canadian backhoe” thing. I tried to resist, but to no avail. I’m not exactly scarred for life but it does raise the obvious questions of how one first encounters the term “canadian backhoe” in everyday life? Well except for via TheBloggess.com of coarse.

  77. Is that what you wrote on your list?
    Mop juice? LOL you are hilarious.

    The cashiers at my HEB never ask me questions like that; I reckon it’s cause they probably don’t think I speak English. 😛

    Next time my guy goes to the store I’m totally gonna tell him to pick up some mop juice and dish sauce.

    Deveena’s last blog post..Why we should never judge a book by its cover

  78. It’s just the republicans repressed gay gene shining through yet again. Tea Party, Tea Bagging, either way you look at it, it screams FABULOUS!

  80. So, I read your post and I almost peed myself. So then I ran into the other room to tell my husband, and I’m all, “Oh my god, you will not believe what I just read! The Bloggess was at the checkout lane at the grocery store and the grocery clerk asked her if she was going to a teabagging pary today!!” And then my husband was like, “Yeah, one of those tax protest things.” And I was all, “Wait…what?” And then turns out that he already knew about them and what they’re called. And then I felt like a jackass. For about the 5th time today. Awesome.

    MonsteRawr’s last blog post..Squeeze that square ass!

  81. I thought you got mop juice from squeezing the mop.

    You probably wanted mop sauce, you know for in-dipping the mop of.

    Whatever…

  82. So, I read your post and I almost peed myself. So then I ran into the other room to tell my husband, and I’m all, “Oh my god, you will not believe what I just read! The Bloggess was at the checkout lane at the grocery store and the grocery clerk asked her if she was going to a teabagging party today!!” And then my husband was like, “Yeah, one of those tax protest things.” And I was all, “Wait…what?” And then turns out that he already knew about them and what they’re called. And then I felt like a jackass. For about the 5th time today. Awesome.

    MonsteRawr’s last blog post..Squeeze that square ass!

  83. at our supermarket aisle 3 is the chocolate and coffee aisle.

    I always freak out there.

    It is like a little bit of heaven, without the singing and zombie Jesuses/Jesus’/Jesii

  85. just lick the floors – it’ll help with the teabagging – honest

  86. THANK YOU for addressing this. I had to stop listening to the news because I can’t handle hearing “teabagging republicans” over and over.

  87. carpet the whole house.

    you do know how to use a vacuum cleaner, don’t you?

    hey, it’s a legitimate question…

    funny blog. i’ll be back.

  88. so because some closeted homo anderson cooper says its “teabagging” rally/protest you all assumed it was correct? These protests were never referred to as “Teabagging” They were always Tea Parties in reference to the Boston Tea Party. Seriously, are you people this fucking stupid? Oh wait, 90% of the comments proves you are.

  90. Just wait until you receive an invite from the NOM 2M4M!

    It’s going to be grrrrr-eat!

  91. if you are into teabagging, then go to KY or OH and learn the rules to the game of Cornhole. Look that up in your wikipedia!

  94. This is easily the funniest thing I’ve read in weeks. I don’t know how I’ve missed this blog until now, but you can be sure it won’t happen again!

    And just so you know, the recession is totally my fault because I had to stop eating out every day and I can’t tell you how many waiters and busboys (buspersons?) and chefs that has to have put out of work.

    Although come to think of it, the local fire department might be hiring… there’s a REASON I never cooked for myself.

  98. Mop juice, $14.95!

    If you don’t understand the profound meaning of $14.95, you just aren’t cool like that.

    As for Teabagging, uh, my sister thought it had to do with testicles and eyes. I don’t want to know. I really don’t want to know.

  99. THIS is the shit I fucking live for.
    .. my teenage daughter got strepthroat a week or so ago .. she required cup after cup of hot tea for relief. I cant even count how many times I tried to find another way to say “teabag” in the presence of the children. I was embarrassed to say “teabag”. I still cant say it outloud.

    Madness’s last blog post..well wuddya know ’bout that?

  100. The PR person for that rally should be institutionalized. Honestly, I was told what “teabagging” was (by some illegal immigrants, mind you) 10 years ago when I was waitressing. The kitchen staff educated me. I still can’t believe that’s what it refers to, but I am now even more incredulous that somebody would take such a dirty term and apply to today’s political displays. My goodness! You are right, as usual, and anyone else who thinks this new definition of the term is the right one is just not with it, nor hip.

  101. After reading the comments I of course had to look up both Goatse and Canadian Backhoe and oh, dear God.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..But I’m sure that if I had an opportunity to talk to Simon, even briefly, that we would have fallen in love, or at least become pen pals, and I would be invited to spend summers with him in England and then we could buy those break apart heart necklaces that say “Best Friends” and I would never take mine off.

  109. You’ve reawakened an old and very bitter memory, the time I decided to mop the floor after a night of serious partying and I didn’t want to get my clothes dirty so I took them off and . . . well, how it happened I don’t know and I don’t want to know but I got my . . . teabag …accidentally caught somehow in the squeeze rollers of the bucket and . . .

    I’m sorry. I just can’t talk about this anymore. I’m sorry.

  111. I’m guessing that the Republicans don’t know the urban definition of teabagging.

    And if you really want to clean your floors, get one of those floor washing robots. They still need juice, but you don’t need to push them around.

    They do annoy the dog. But that’s just a side bonus.

    The Mother’s last blog post..Hugs

  113. Oh Gabriel (#88)! Did you forget your meds again? Maybe you can borrow some to help see you through your pain!

  114. Too bad I went to a Tea Party instead of a teabagging party…man, must have missed out on all the fun.

    Ya know, I wish I had know you caused the recession before I spoke at my rally today, there I was blaming all the big spenders in D.C. and instead it was you all along! I should have known…tsk tsk Bloggess.

    Sarah’s last blog post..I Totally Hate Your Face…Happy Easter!

  116. Comment of the day:

    “Jenny the bloggess says:

    Not a full-time maid. Just a two times a month, mop-the-floors-for-me-because-I-don’t-know-how-to-do-it-myself maid service. I’m sure it’ll be fine. Or I’ll burn the house down.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    WTH, Jenny? If you think you are going to burn down your house by mopping it, then maybe you better re-hire the maids.

    Mrs. F’s last blog post..I Successfully Baked The World’s Ugliest Easter Treats

  117. I woke my kids up laughing so hard a the commentary.

    I am going to have a very very difficult time making iced tea ever again, I will just snicker and giggle and snort. I’m 12 like that 😀

    Pinkrunningshoes’s last blog post..Confusion

  118. Ooooh, have I the blog for you!! I’ve been reading her for a few months now (actually, around the same time I became smitten with your blog) and the other day, you both had HILARIOUS posts about vaginas! I was in witty blog heaven. You must check her out … I feel like Yente from Fiddler on the Roof. Lindsay Erwin; Bringing brilliant bloggers together since 2009. You’re welcome.
    xx

    http://damnkidsgetoffmylawn.blogspot.com/

  119. Mop juice sounds like something that would go with teabagging…think about it. Republicans aren’t known to shave their nether regions are they? I’m Canadian so I don’t know these things.

    If I’m going to look up Canadian backhoe, then I raise you an Abe Lincoln in the Urban Dictionary.

  120. Republicans are such teabaggers.

    (I’ve always thought so, but now it can be verified.)

  121. Haven’t heard any conservatives call them “teabagging” parties, only the anti-conservatives..

  122. Last time I was there I swore that the guy bagging the groceries asked me if I wanted a ‘Dirty Sanchez’.

    Turns out he was a little slow and his last name was Sanchez. And he never said dirty – just asked if I wanted Sanchez to carry my groceries. Indicative of where my mind resides…

    After a bit of confusion and mind boggledness on my part – I said okey dokey and over tipped the guy.

    Still. Even though I know the guy meant nothing perverted-ish – I have an issue going back to the 290 HEB.

    Even if it is large and wonderful.

    (I just giggled a bit at the last thought. MIND. OUT OF THE GUTTER!!)

    Jess’s last blog post..Tweets

  124. Somehow your mention of HEB has me reminiscing about our brief year in Texas. We’d pass the one in Pflugerville, on our way home to Round Rock. Ah, yes, when we used to say “pfuck” with a Pf. Good times.

  126. OMG! Too funny.The huffington post has a link to your blog and I had to read it.The teabagging thing was good but the mop juice really cracked me up.I was aware of the whole tea party thing because I follow politics nearly obbsesivly.I’m a liberal married to a conservitive,so I kind of have to.I have a disturbing teabagging thing to share.My husband,his mother,and brother, along with my father were all at the Alamo teabagging today.I’m going to have nightmares for months.Great post I’llbe checking you out from now on

  128. not to be an asshole stick in the mud or anything, but teabagging is the term that democrats are using for republican tea party protests.

    Just sayin’. My mom went and I KNOW she doesn’t tea bag.

    flutter’s last blog post..Be you

  129. I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one who stopped in a screeching halt of shock when I heard the news guy on TV say something about teabagging and parties.

    I stood and giggled a bit like Butthead, too. It’s the teenager that grew up in the 90’s in me. Uhhh heh heh, heh.

    Chloe’s last blog post..Does Pasta Ever Go Bad?

  131. I can’t help but love that you shop at HEB! That totally validates my sense of self. Out here in California ::gag:: all we have is Ralph’s. They just don’t get it! Imagine what it’s like when I try to explain Big Red!! Sometimes I think my momma made me Texan on purpose to make me suffer. Love your blog! 😉

  133. I heard about that on CNN at work. I completely did a double take. And then I saw people pouring Arizona Iced Tea into lakes, rivers and streams. And then I was offended. Because, seriously, why waste all the good tea on fish!

    WickedStepMom’s last blog post..My big mouth

  134. Just so you know when you use your mop and you want to make sure the mop head is clean you need to insert the mop, in the fashion of a teabag, into the bucket of mop juice, with an up and down (in/out) motion.

    William’s last blog post..On the wall

  140. Pingback: Americans May Resume Teabagging With Testicles Today - The Sexist - Washington City Paper

  143. I love how people who are against the tea parties are still calling it teabagging. Like, seriously? I so wish I had been in D.C. to see the partiers throwing the boxes of tea bags over the fence into the lawn of the White House. To see that little robot move towards the box of tea, afraid Obama was about to be teabagged…haha, love it.

    Sarah’s last blog post..I’m Totally Blogging About This Dream I Had Because I Have A Blog and There’s This Thing Called Free Speech And I’m Pretty Sure We Still Have It

  145. Sorry, Gabriel — weeks ago, there were conservatards hilding up signs saying “Teabag Liberals Before They Teabag You.” I haven’t stopped laughing at you folks since.

    Oh who am I kidding? I’ve lived in Texas more than 40 year — I’ve been laughing at conservatards my entire life.

  146. Was the grocery clerk promoting the rallies? Do Republicans even know who’s taxes are going up a f-ing 2%? It ain’t his, I can tell ya that.

    Sorry to go all political-rage up in here.

    Amy in OHio’s last blog post..For Maddie

  147. I’ve also misspelled “holding” for 40 “year”(s).

    It must be some sort of freaky mental thing …

  148. Mop Juice – I am totally with you. I put Eyeball Juice on my husbands shopping list because my contacts are all crusty so today I have to wear my glasses because I guess he didn’t get it and he said I could just go without my specs for one day but no way I am going to risk getting teabagged just cause I couldn’t see it coming.

    Shawna’s last blog post..Bacon or Gum. Gum or Bacon.

  149. One of the conservative talk shows I listen to was urging us all to send teabags to our elected representatives, to show that we’re mad and won’t take it anymore. I didn’t feel it was appropriate since I no longer reside in Barney Frank’s district.

  150. Blogess-I was having kind of a shit day ’till I came here. I see that your vagina has named me “comment of the day.” I’m gonna feel warm, snug and cozy all day long now!

    Seriously, thanks! I feel like Sally Fields now (the “Norma Rae” one, not the “Brothers and Sisters” one).

  152. Sigh.

    The protests are called Tea Parties… you know, after that thing during the American Revolution? Boston Tea Party? Ring any bells?

    Liberals who are frightened of anyone who doesn’t LOVE Obama are calling them Teabag parties. It’s easier than understanding them or arguing with their ideas.

    The protest is not necessarily against 2009 or 2010 taxes, it’s against the HUGE increase in spending that will result in HUGE taxes at some point. It may not be us who pay these taxes, it may be our children. But someone will eventually pay for a deficit that makes GW’s deficit look downright responsible.

    BTW, many of us who are opposed to the massive spending increases were also opposed to spending increases by Republicans. These resentment is part of why Democrats took over Congress. Conservatives who are anti-big government did not go out and vote for big-spending Republicans.

    Anyway, I really enjoy reading this blog for the absurd humor… hopefully the politics will not recurr…

    Bolie Williams IV’s last blog post..Kudos: Shell Station

  153. I have now found my new, latest and greatest past-time. In addition to loving your blog, Jenny, the comments are awesome. Now I find myself going in search of other articles with forums. The best are on the http://www.usatoday.com whenever there is an article about Michelle Obama. I’m enjoying having her in the White House but . . . oh, they are a hoot some of the things people will say.

    I love my new hobby!

    Meryl’s last blog post..Reward

  154. First thing my mom said to me after I told her to read this blog: “Is she on drugs?” Classic.

  155. I HATE the ‘baggers at all grocery stores. Soo surprised someone at HEB said that to you! You should go and buy a bunch of tea then have them bag it for you and then you could call that dude a teabagger! I know.. silly suggestion.

    Imelda’s last blog post..Oh, for three more hours

  156. Just so you know…the term “teabagging” was NEVER used by any of the organizers of the Tea Party protests. Ever. I think that was started by some liberal idiots who are jealous that their own stinky protests aren’t getting coverage.

    And the Tea Party protests are not just a Republican thing. They are an every American who is pissed off thing – and it’s not just the conservatives.

    I’m sorry you have to clean your house now. 🙁 Hubby won’t let us get a cleaning service (not that we could afford it right now) because he’s paranoid. =)

    castocreations’s last blog post..Stay of Execution

  157. I just stumbled onto your website for the first time today, and I swear to god, while reading this post, I spit iced tea straight at my computer, then laughed so hard I cried, which in turn caused my two-year old to start crying. Just…omg. Teabagging. Hilarious!

  158. One: you suck for complaining about HEBs when the rest of the world suffers without them. Evil malicious woman.

    Two: I bet my toenails that cashier was guffawing in his head everytime he asked that question ON PURPOSE. Like “bwaa ha ha I verbally assaulted another Democrat! GOD I love my job.”

    Three: Cashiers are evil malicious bastards.

    Four: Republicans totally named it teabagging on purpose. If you’d gone to the parties you’d know why.

  159. Did you see the MSNBC spot with the anchor making referencs like “…while the parties are essentially toothless, the teabaggers are full-throated about their goals.”?
    I laughed so hard I cried. You can get it off of youtube or my blog.

    Brooke’s last blog post..Teabagging

  161. It’s just sofa king awesome that the Republicans are such ra-ra-retards that no one pointed this out to them. Goddamn, I laughed so much yesterday — it’s rare to see those humorless fuckwits give me something genuinely funny, and not dunk-your-head-in-a-vat-of-molten-queso-to-end-it-all funny.

    PS: I’d’ve paid cash American to see your face when the bagger — heh, bagger — said that to you.

    Gleemonex’s last blog post..Also: Stamos.

  162. ““teabagging” was NEVER used by any of the organizers of the Tea Party protests.”

    That is not true. The teabaggers started out using the phrase “Teabag the white house”. http://tinyurl.com/aunn5u
    When John Stewart started making fun of them, they changed it to Tea parties. But original was teabag.

  163. So I’m on the HEB website, trying to figure out what the hell it could possibly stand for (I want proof, BTW), and I click on careers. Ya know, for kicks. And it clearly says HEB is committed to diversity. Naturally I find this hilarious because, after all, the acronym for this store is HEB. Which, which pronounced like heeb, I’m almost positive is a racial type of slur, or at the very least a nickname for those nice Jewish folks down at the synagogue.

    Samantha’s last blog post..Perhaps if I came up with my titles before I wrote the entry, the entry would make more sense. Right now I wanna call it "Cowboy butts drive me nuts".

  164. I cannot believe that there is an actual SERIOUS political discussion going on here. Do you know where you are people? Priceless. TheBloggess is now a political forum, bahahahahahaha.

  167. A few days ago, my friend said something about teabagging– as in the usual, dirty euphemism. It took me about five minutes to figure it out. Off my delayed reaction (and subsequent gasp of horror), my friend decided I was a lesbian.

    And then they changed the meaning, and now I don’t know which I find more horrifying.

    Lina’s last blog post..Alternative Education at Its Damn Finest

  168. According to my brother, teabagging is also a prank done to each other by drunk guys! When one drunk guy passes out, another puts his penis and balls on the first guy’s forehead, in the shape of a T. A third guy takes pictures. Then they post it on the Internet. Lovely, right?

    Nicki’s last blog post..Let’s Bounce!

  170. so I was reading your post, and said to myself, hey some asshole totally stole your riff and posted it on The Huffington Post.

    But then I googled the phrase — and he was quoting you. That’s awesome. You are now a legend for the best teabagging post!

    You had a maid? Hell I work 50 hours a week and I don’t have a maid — damn, I feel cheated. But my husband DOES do the mopping. Mop Juice and all!

    WineWonkette’s last blog post..Don’t Spill Burgundy on My Brassiere – Part Deux

  171. Let me propose a solution to this problem: Never, ever clean your house. That’s what I do. Works like a charm.

    Texas is a nice place to visit but unfortunately I truly must live in a place where there is a .0003% of having that kind of a conversation. I think within the 100 square miles surrounding my house there are 2 Republicans and they are probably just visiting. I kind of need it to be this way although I admit the barbecue is totally pathetic.

    ozma’s last blog post..I Know One Is Supposed To Apologize

  173. My husband and sons play Halo on Xbox Live, and there’s a move you can make your character do where they squat down over the face of a character they just killed and pump their hips up and down, which as you now know from your google search is called teabagging.

    Try explaining to 12 and 10 year old boys 1. what exactly teabagging MEANS, and 2. why people are having TEABAGGING PARTIES all over the country. This is such a fun week to be a Mom.

  174. I’ve crunched the nubmers several different ways and I just can’t figure out how the man goes up 2181 times and down only 282.

    He must have excellent muscle control.

    (hit submit) like 5 times before I realized I was at another computer and my name wasn’t in there. Gargh.)

    Amy’s last blog post..Creative aging.

  176. I love visiting this blog . . . I learn something new every day! Teabagging . . . I’m dying . . . and I’m dying that it’s the name chosen by the REpublicans . . . .aaaah . . . still laughing

  177. I reject your definition and substitute my own:

    Teabagging: to object to the Pelosification of one’s country and the stealing of one’s hard-earned cash, and to uselessly protest these actions by standing around outside one’s local post office with a sign while Obama pretends he didn’t see you and Pelosi makes open fun of you.

    I do not even understand how a scrotum could be so small or a mouth so large that the first definition could work at all.

    Wendy’s last blog post..No. Means. NO.

  179. hahahaha…that was the best laugh I’ve had all day. I can’t imagine what I would do if someone had asked me if I was going to a Teabagging party.

    Mishi’s last blog post..It’s time to go

  180. Nope. Teabagging STILL means the same thing. Republicans are totally trying to pull the “wool” over your eyes. ‘Cause if you would have said yes, next thing you know you would have had somebody’s nuts in your mouth…although, then I guess you’d have something to protest?

    Lynette’s last blog post..Give til it hurts…

  181. OMG I LOVE YOU!!! 🙂 First I fell in love with Black Hockey Jesus and wrote a random blog post about him, which he picked up, and blogged about being wedged between cyanobacteria and parthenogenesis. Anyhoo he recommended your blog, or asked if i Knew you, because I live in Houston (and of course it’s such a small town…) 🙂 I’m in the KW/Humble area. I’m a Freelance writer/photographer and I have a blog tho it’s kinda random stuff. I will put you on my blogroll because your first post i read CRACKED me up!!! LOL LMAO at your teabagging thing!! And aparently MSNBC kept making fun of it, and Fox news was totally clueless!! ha!! God that is so funnnnnnyy!!!! OK on to read about why Eve Ensler does not want to hear about my vagina…

  186. You aren’t crazy. Trying to do a small redesign and ended up with some sort of brazilian wax thing. I think Victor just pushed back the old design until we can figure out how to fix it. Also, I apologize to everyone who saw the default pictures of hot air balloons in front of a rainbow. I swear that was not intentional.

  187. HA! Great post. Laughing so hard I’m crying.
    My personal definition of “teabag” story:
    I actually said to 2 male co-workers, I owe someone a teabag.
    (as I had just “borrowed” one from somebody’s stash in the kitchen). Total silence from them, then: “What?!”
    Me: “What what? I said I owe somebody here a teabag. I’m out of ’em and my throat hurts.”
    All they would tell me was to look it up – there was an alternate meaning. So, I did.
    huh. That day I learned a little somethin’. bleah.
    😉 Lib

    Libbey’s last blog post..blogFLAIR! coming soon ….

  188. Libbey, I can emphathize… I once ordered “the Sanchez roll” for lunch at a sushi bar with my team from work – I thought the name was funny and kept asking team members if they wanted me to give them some of the Sanchez. (trying generously to share)
    They laughed raucously at me and no one would share the “special” meaning.
    I had to look it up when I got back to the office – The most embarassing part is what a bunch of Pervs I work with.

  189. Whoa Bolie Williams IV really took you to task Ms. Bloggess. I too am Republican, but I happily can laugh at our parties many many many recurring stupidities. It’s easier than pretending that we aren’t stupid.

    Prosy’s last blog post..Mary’s Vagina

  191. You tried to convince your husband that you know how to mop floors? Sorry to be sexist, but maybe men really are smarter than women. I am sure no man would forget himself like that. Even guys with IQ’s in the 170’s claim not to understand how to clean a floor. Heck, I bet there are guys who are professional floor cleaners that have their wives convinced that mopping is something that they are just not capable of.

  192. after some of the comments left here, I bet this is the last post you’ll do that in any way mentions any words having anything to do with politics, EVER.
    *sigh*

    Becca’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  194. Um, the term tea bag party started from the conservatives. Here’s a link to a site that took a minute to google. http://www.blogacause.com/blogacause/blog/actanonverba/2009/03/21/Update-concerning-The-Washington-D-C-Teabag-Party-April-1st-2009

    Really though who cares, it was funny and still is. Maybe next time the “grassroots” organizers will do a little research before coming up with such catchy names. Also the grassroots thing is hysterical. Are ya listening Fox News? Snort, I just said news when referring to Fox cable channel. Also mop juice? Excellent post Jenny, I’m still laughing.

  197. I totally just spit my first evening cocktail all over my monitor just now. Hysterical!

  199. THIS WAS CROSS FILED OVER AT WWTBD:
    Jen-EEE, Why aren’t you advicering? Bug up your hoohah? “fraid a successerrizing? Gave up? Doin’ the nasty with the school psychologist after the consult ’bout your daughter grabbin the janitor by the short ones?—-oh wait, that wasn’t you. That mighta been me. Never mind that. Get with it, Sagehead. We need dripping pearls of wisdomb, babee. Dr.Phil’s gonna pass you ass again in the reader Popuhilarity poll..!! Time’s wastin. Are you gonna write this or what??? Cause if you don’t make it a sideline, you’re missing an opp’rtuna sandwich. Big time.

  201. You had a maid? I am so totally jealous!

    And yeah, that whole teabagging thing was HILARIOUS…

    Mop juice huh? I’m snickering… and don’t feel bad… I’ve never had a maid, but my [ex] Husband was surprised to learn I knew how to use a mop… because when we were married, I never did use one…

    Gwynne’s last blog post..Crazy search engine queries

  202. I’d say that Republicans don’t know what teabagging is but I live with one and he does, so my guess is that they thought they were being really clever and taboo and proving they have a sense of humor or something.

    But if I were in your situation, I probably would have told the bagger to wash out his mouth with mop juice.

    Stacey’s last blog post..Good News, Bad News

  203. “mop juice” is fucking hilarious, and I’m adopting it as my new favorite term.

  206. I got to the checkout boy’s comment & snort-laughed so hard all the smoke I just inhaled totally backed up and got into a part of my sinus that has heretofore been a non-smoker, and my sister came out to check if I was OK because I was making drowning noises. Cause I KNOW what he meant, and I KNOW what you heard, and if I’d been there I would have been laughing so hard I would have been holding onto the shopping cart to keep from falling on the floor, and making disturbing whooping noises, and you would both be staring at me while I snorted and hung onto the counter, and you both would’ve thought I was a lunatic.

    oohhhhhh, my sides hurt. And there’s still a part of my sinus cavity having a quiet head spin and going, “oh, now I get it… whooo”. Thank you!

    Earley Days Yet’s last blog post..Bizarre eye tattoo proves to be an eyesore – Features

  207. I am laughing so hard I’m crying. And I’m trying to look all normal cause I’m at my kid’s karate class but I’m crying because you said “mop juice”. THEN you said the cashier asked if you were going to any “teabagging” parties and I’m crying again because I’m laughing. IDIOTS! “Teabagging”! Hahahahahahaha.
    I guess I’ve been under a rock cause I didn’t know anything about any “teabagging” parties. Ahahahaha. *sigh*

    Desiree – Mother Musing’s last blog post..Friday Faves – Another week, another group of quasi funny things to check out and one really sad thing

  208. Hi Bloggess!
    You’re funny, but you swear too much.
    I hope you’re kidding about thinking ‘Republicans named’ conservative tea parties ‘tea-bagging.’ I think you’re smarter than that.
    Your minion,
    Steve

  209. Why didn’t you just get one of those swiffer sweeper things? All those require is sticking one of their wet clothe things into the bottom of it, and you can also use their dry ones to sweep with.

  211. At Wild West-themed Knott’s Berry Farm, you have your choice of a stagecoach holdup
    (with you on the stagecoach), a ‘Wild West shootout’, or a Jesse James (pictured)
    style train robbery among others. My hair is now healthier and my
    morning routine is more streamlined. There are a lot of products out there for your hair, all claiming
    to give you the perfect hold for your style.

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