It’s like we’re living on the Oregon Trail except none of us has dysentery yet

Yesterday Hailey’s preschool called to tell me that she had a rash on her stomach and back so I picked her up and I figured it was probably just a reaction from new detergent but I thought I’d run her by the Readi-Clinic just in case because it was on the way home and also there’s a pretzel shop right next to it but when I got there the doctor was all “Uh, this kid has scarlet fever” and I’m all “The fuck?Like what Beth died from in Little Women?” except I said it quietly so Hailey wouldn’t hear me and the doctor was all “It’s very treatable now.  Don’t panic” and I’m all “You know, just because I’m at a Readi-Clinic doesn’t mean I don’t have money.  We have great insurance.  I just came here because I wanted a pretzel” and the doctor was all “No, really.  Scarlet Fever isn’t a big deal anymore.  It’s basically strep throat with a rash.  Calm down” and I’m all “I AM FUCKING CALM” but I just said that in my head because I didn’t want to freak out Hailey.  Then Hailey’s all “Can I have a Popsicle?” and I’m like “We are going to set all your stuffed animals on fire when we get home” and then the doctor started laughing and I’m all “I AM DEADLY SERIOUS” and Hailey said we couldn’t throw Donkey on the bonfire because he’s her favorite and I’m all “Donkey is the germiest.  We’re going to burn him twice” and then Hailey and the doctor both looked at me like I’m the crazy one and I’m all “Fine. He’s going in the washing machine.  Like, for eighteen cycles.”  Then the doctor gave us a prescription for amoxicillin which is like the sad, weird kid of the antibiotic family and I’m all “What is this, bush-league?  I told you, I have money”.  Then he made us leave and I was so upset that I didn’t even remember to get a pretzel, so basically we’re all suffering.

PS.  Hailey is fine and is running around like normal and everything in the entire house is going in the dishwasher.  Then I’m going to burn the dishwasher in an abandoned field.  I may be over-reacting.

Comment of the day: When I was a kid, I had a children’s version of Little Women, and it totally skipped over Beth dying. It was like “Beth isn’t well” and then she just disappeared, and several chapters later, someone was like “I wish Beth could have been here to see this” and I thought maybe she was on vacation, or in detention or something. ~Kate

173 replies. read them below or add one

  1. When I had it, I just had to throw away my toothbrush. But burning toys will teach her a lesson for getting sick and making you forget to buy a delicious pretzel.

    Vagiunta’s last blog post..My First Dictionary

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  2. Wait – I thought it got treated by branding an A onto her skin? Damn, I have the worst memory when it comes to these things.

    Brent Ozar’s last blog post..Book Review: The Whuffie Factor

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  3. seems like a perfectly reasonable response to me. You should sell your hair though, just to be safe.

    miss thystle’s last blog post..Mmmm Sin

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  4. I’m with Vagiunta. If you burn her toys she will learn a valuable life lesson. I’m not sure what lesson that is, but she’ll totally learn it.

    Awlbiste’s last blog post..WoW Armory Plugin

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  5. Burn, baby, burn…. Disco Inferno!

    groovehouse’s last blog post..Skater: The Easter Bunny

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  6. I think you’re missing the point: mad props to Hailey for contracting not the *common* cold, but an illness that comes from the Dark Ages. It’s like she’s a history SAVANT.

    And now I’m going to go yell at my kid for not being as academically advanced as Hailey. She’s such a slacker, my kid.

    (hope H. feels better)

    Chookooloonks’s last blog post..random thought: on being green. and somewhat amphibian.

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  7. 7
    Robinson (ljrphoto)

    FOR GOD’S SAKE, KEEP HER OUT OF THE SUN. That’s what I remember about scarlet fever… having to wear my mousketeer hat on the sidelines (in the shade) while everyone else got to be in the parade.

    Like

  8. Yeah, I had it when I was a kid.

    And I’m only mildly damaged. All of it in my brain. And my mother is the one who told me it was mild. She also said I was awesome.

    My mom’s a fucking liar.

    Betsey Booms’s last blog post..The Squirrels In Our Family Tree

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  9. Some kids I babysat for in college contracted a nasty case of it and when they first told me it was scarlet fever I was like “For serious? Cause if you just didn’t feel like paying a babysitter for a week, you can just say that. No need to make up crazy stories.”

    Kat’s last blog post..Unlike this user, I am speechless.

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  10. 10
    Robinson (ljrphoto)

    I think having scarlet fever is like being a vampire, only amoxycillin clears up scarlet fever. Being a vampire is forever… like herpes.

    Like

  11. Haha you crack me up! Thank’s for that! Glad to hear she is running around like normal!

    Like

  12. Abandoned fields are good. Sinkholes are better.

    Writer Dad’s last blog post..How to NEVER run out of ideas

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  13. Great, now you have to change her name to Clementine. That’s what my husband wanted to name our daughter but I said no because we weren’t on the Oregon Trail. It’s a very Oregon Trail/Scarlet Fever kind of name.

    Mommica’s last blog post..Personal shopper

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  14. Hey, my kid got it first! You can’t have dibs! (He got it when one of his chickenpoxy things got infected. (That is TOO a medical term!)

    I will now go off to chuckle – again – at Vagiunta et al.

    wordnerd’s last blog post..Cleanup on Aisle 3

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  15. Yeah, it’s not the same scarlet fever anymore. My nephew had it not long ago.

    Just be happy the doc didn’t say it was coxsackie. Who’d want their DAUGHTER having any virus with the word “cock” in it?! If my daughter came down with cockhappy, I’d burn my entire house down!

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Catch This Mom

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  16. When in doubt, wash it in scalding hot water.

    Then burn it.

    Then put the ashes down the garbage disposal.

    Fuck germs.

    Natalie’s last blog post..Weekend Update

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  17. With the rheumatoid arthritis, you may find it helpful to store the kid in a bubble or something – I’m pretty sure I caught the plague from my nephew one time when I was having a flare-up and had to take my medication which kills your immune system to stop it from attacking your tissues which also stops it from fending off diseases and before you know it you’ve caught the black fucking death from a toddler with a runny nose who can’t cover his overly-moist mouth when he sneezes, and everyone’s like, “quit trying to seal him in a garbage bag” or “you’re overreacting,” but you’re not, because you’re dying and no one cares. Except maybe more people would care if you died. My mom doesn’t answer the phone when I call home.

    emvandee’s last blog post..Phoning it in with Focaccia Bread.

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  18. OMG! I’m glad she’s OK. And super props for referencing Oregon Trail. Loved that game!

    mari’s last blog post..Note to Myself

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  19. That’s silly, dishwashers don’t burn.
    What you need is nitric acid, sulfuric acid and glycerin. 😉

    Moshe’s last blog post..Sinai Reunion – R’ Vashovsky’s Class of 1992

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  20. If you throw Donkey in with a load of towels, then he’ll automatically go through 18 cycles.

    Or instead, you could just soak everything in the house in vodka. That’s what my wife does with her toothbrush when she’s sick. Gin would probably work too.

    indrifan’s last blog post..Tea parties

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  21. PS – I hope Hailey feels better. Being sick sucks.

    emvandee’s last blog post..Phoning it in with Focaccia Bread.

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  22. Paralyzing arthritis, Scarlet Fever…what the hell is next in your house? The Black Plague? Bird Flu? I’m very concerned.

    Lesley’s last blog post..I Might Have Made Up Some Of This (EXCEPT FOR THAT I TOTALLY DIDN’T)

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  23. Wait until she gets Hand-Foot-Mouth Disease (which apparently children get from other kids sticking their feet into their mouths or something like that).

    Yellow Trash Diaries’s last blog post..Callenwald

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  24. I remember all the skin peeling off my hands from scarlet fever. Wait. That may have been later from the meth.

    Like

  25. Yep. You’re overreacting. But at least you’re enjoying it.

    The Mother’s last blog post..Oh! The Drama!

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  26. I think you should burn the doctor’s office just to be safe. Unless it’s too close to the pretzel shop. A world with Scarlet fever is acceptable. A world without pretzels is not.

    mayopie’s last blog post..Why my sister is a genius

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  27. Did you remember to pick up the quarantine sign for your front door?
    It can be a bitch to have to go out and get it once the quarintine is in place.

    amy’s last blog post..Creative aging.

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  28. first of all … can you accompany me and the girls whenever we go to the dr … ’cause i’m sure it would be a helluva lot more fun with you around. i’ll buy the pretzels.
    and … oregon trail? seriously … we had oregon trail … and we give our kids grand theft auto? well … i don’t … but i’m just saying. at least i learned that my entire family could die of various no longer available illnesses.

    jen’s last blog post..not a creative post title.

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  29. Okay, I seriously laughed out loud while on the phone at work reading this while waiting to get someone on the phone I needed to talk to. Try explaining that to a doctor.

    And I’m sorry your daughter is sick and you didn’t get your pretzel. Feel better soon!

    Mrs Soup’s last blog post..Amazing Shirts!

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  30. If you can’t get to the pretzel shop, did you know they sell them in the frozen food section? They are DIVINE.
    Anyway, sorry about the scarlet fever. It’s because we are in texas, isn’t it? Stupid state.

    Danielle-lee’s last blog post..Blue- the new red -OR- Why I look like a nutcake while driving down the road

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  31. Bravo!

    You. Are. Such. A. Good. Mother.

    I hope the doctor filled your meth prescription, also.

    Like

  32. You should burn down the entire neighborhood, then move to California just to be on the safe side.

    Get well soon, H!

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Computer Terms Illustrated – Photoshop Special

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  33. How do you abandon a field? I mean it’s not like you can pick it up and give it a good home.

    Now I feel badly for the field. Especially since you’re going to give the poor thing scarlet fever. Be sure and toss the empty Amox bottle there so that it at least has a fighting chance. Leave a sign that you’ll be back in a week to pick it up, so you don’t get charged for littering.

    harmzie’s last blog post..Filthy Furniture

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  34. With the whole “Beth dying” thing aside, you have to be *a little* proud of your little whipper-snapper for coming down with something so exotic and historic. I applaud, for one, applaud her.

    Mermanda’s last blog post..A taste of the wedding

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  35. 35
    AprylsAntics

    Good thing it’s not Scarlet O’hara. You wouldn’t want her going batshit crazy over dirty carrots and making dresses out of your drapes.

    Like

  36. Why does it have to be scarlet fever? What’s wrong with the other colors? Talk about old fashioned racism.
    Now I want a pretzel.
    Talk about old fashioned blogging subliminal messaging.

    Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..RTT: Sometimes, it’s not nice to share..

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  37. Keep an eye on Donkey-God forbid he should go all Velveteen Rabbit on your asses.

    Get well soon baby girl!

    Lula’s last blog post..Happy Blogoversary!

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  38. I had scarlet fever when I was little and my Mom reacted pretty much the same way, except without the whole threatening to burn all my toys part. She was all ready to be quarantened and having to basically bomb the entire house. My doctor laughed at her too and said, “it’s no big deal, just take this pill..” Then the doctor drew on my stomach with her finger to show me the color change with the rash, which I was totally not impressed with and actually a bit freaked out. I mean what kid wants some creepy adult drawing X’s and crosses on their stomach??

    Then whenever she told someone I had scarlet fever they would all be like, “people still get that?” or “OMG that’s horrible! or my favorite “OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF THE HOUSE?!!” I had great family and friends then, clearly.

    Please don’t let anyone draw on your child, it’s never a good idea unless she does it herself then it’s totally cool.

    LB’s last blog post..My state punishes you more for recycling here then littering!

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  39. I wish they still gave amoxicillin to big kids. I would get an ear infection on purpose… that shit is DELICIOUS.

    I’m Jo. And I’m awesome.’s last blog post..I kind of hate myself right now.

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  40. My advice to you is never to caulk the wagon and float it.

    Also, I tried to read this post out loud to someone and by the time I got to “we are going to set all your stuffed animals on fire,” I had moved well beyond laughing and into the realm of wheezing and crying.

    Tea’s last blog post..Bicycles

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  41. What kind of pretzel?

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  42. I’m with Vagiunta. Really I just wanted to say Vagiunta.

    badassdad05’s last blog post..do not underestimate the power of the tummy

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  43. Is it weird that my first thought was that I think the name “Scarlet Fever” is awesome?

    Erica’s last blog post..Personal Conversation Fail Whale

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  44. I TOTALLY did this post last month, except without the pretzels:

    http://prettybabies.blogspot.com/2009/03/dr-messeswithmyhead.html

    “Did she have any rash?” he asked.

    “No, not particularly. She’s always a little bumply,” I said, describing the dry skin on her back that he was pointing out.

    “Well, the reason I ask is that the symptoms you’ve described could be caused by Scarlet Fever.”

    “Jesus Christ,” I groaned. Immediate face palm. I thought about shaking my fist at the ceiling and yelling, “MURPHY!!!” but he already thinks I’m weird enough. The doctor, not Murphy. I don’t care what Murphy thinks of me. Anyway…

    “It’s no big deal,” he said, realizing that I was about to have a breakdown (see above: Valium), “It’s just a variant of strep…”

    “No big deal??” I sputtered, “No big deal???? That’s what the little boy had in The Velveteen Rabbit*!”

    I’m sorry, but I am not prepared to deal with childhood diseases featured in great works of literature. That’s why God invented vaccines. Or Salk. Whoever. What is this, Little Women? I do not think so.

    Amy’s last blog post..And you may ask yourself, how did I get here?

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  45. I totally love how I spelled quarantined in my last comment. I think I totally made a new word so no one steal it, IT’S ONLY MINE!

    Now excuse me while I go play Oregon Trail and watch my entire family die while the wheels fall of my infected wagon!

    LB’s last blog post..My state punishes you more for recycling here then littering!

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  46. When I was a kid I had scarlet fever. I wasn’t supposed to read or it would hurt my eyes. I read anyway, under the covers. I read the biography of Helen Keller. You know how she got that way? Mmmhmmm. Life is ironic sometimes.

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  47. the good news is you’ve managed to keep your ox after crossing the river.

    Like

  48. I hear dishwashers burn if you throw a flammable baby in them!

    I am prescribing you one of these:
    Scarlet Fever Cocktail
    1 shot Vodka
    1 shot White Rum
    1/2 shot Dry Gin
    4 oz. Cranberry Juice
    Mix together and shake, pour into a glass, add 3 ice cubes and garnish with a lemon.

    If you drink a couple of these, you will forget all about the pretzel and the germs invading your house.

    Glad to hear your little one is feeling better!

    @darlingal’s last blog post..darlingal: HA! See,a little whine and Chunky Monkey magically appears. Someone wants one for the road. see you all when I can! luv ya.

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  49. Hey, I’ll take my chances with that dishwasher. You know, if you’re just going to burn it, anyway.

    Devil’s Daughter-In-Law’s last blog post..Some Guy Felt Your Boob. Get Over It.

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  50. P.S. This post totally reminded me of a tragic moment of my own childhood. Warning: Your daughter may hold it against you for the rest of your life if you burn all of her toys. TRUST ME. I’m still ticked off that my mom threw away all of my pretty hair bows in kindergarten. Read more here: http://www.cuspofnormal.com/2008/08/what-do-you-mean-i-have-critters-in-my.html

    Mermanda’s last blog post..A taste of the wedding

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  51. Seriously, you need to put a warning on this post. I am sitting in class and I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack trying to keep from laughing out loud. Hahaha!!!!!!

    Sarah’s last blog post..A few comments on Hell.

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  52. I think the problem is that she hasn’t been exposed to enough germs, so she doesn’t have any immunity to anything. You should drop her off at the hospital and tell her to collect some tongue depressors.

    MonsteRawr’s last blog post..Bewitchingly Cute or Batshit Crazy?

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  53. I’m pretty much thinking that medical school is…
    Day one: How to prescribe amoxicillin for everything.
    Rest of the 4 years: Wear scrubs and act self-important.
    I could totally be a doctor.

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  54. so if scarlet fever isn’t a big deal anymore, why hasn’t it been downgraded to orange or yellow fever? if they want us to use color coding, they fucking have to universalize the usage, man.

    cat’s last blog post..Rise of the Mummy Hand

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  55. Ew, I’m not even sure I want to respond to that post in case I catch something olde-worlde too. If I get consumption now, I’ll blame you.

    Fuiru’s last blog post..The Latest Bottled Water: Reviewed!

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  56. I’ve learned more in the last five minutes than I did in all of last week.
    1. Scarlet Fever isn’t deadly anymore.
    2. After seeing the Velveteen Rabbit on stage, I spent four years protecting my stuffed animals from a disease I not only didn’t have, but that we all would have recovered from if I’d suddenly come down with it.
    3. There is not a free download of Oregon Trail for Macs.
    4. Since last week marked the official countdown to summer and we picked up the pace in all my classes, the fact that I learned more just now than I did then probably means I’m going to fail out of school.
    It’s hard to say which I’m most distressed by.

    Except that it’s not. It’s the Oregon Trail thing.

    Also, your updates make my days much happier.

    Sara’s last blog post..I’ve reached new heights of laziness

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  57. Oh god, don’t burn her toys. The velveteen rabbit scarred me for life. Also: don’t read her that book.

    Maxie’s last blog post..Ding Ding!

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  58. Oh my goodness…you totally owe me a new laptop…I just spewed my coffee all over it. Scarlet Fever! I think I would have screamed. The last time I checked we live in the age of modern medicine. Next thing we know we’ll have a cholera outbreak….sheesh.

    Hope your sweetheart is better soon. Amoxicillin….the cure all.

    Michelle’s last blog post..So, now what??

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  59. Wow – scarlet fever eh?

    I got foot and mouth as a baby. FOOT AND MOUTH – i gave it to my mom and brother…whoops.

    Deidre’s last blog post..This is me writing an essay…can’t you tell? No? How awkward. Sometimes, you just have to embrace procrastination…this is one of those times.

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  60. How strange–my youngest has scarlet fever, too, just diagnosed today. One of my internet friends pointed me to your blog post. (I’m in WI–it’s not my kid’s fault that your kid is sick!)

    Jen’s last blog post..For Future Reference

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  61. You should (1) get her a copy of the Velveteen Rabbit, (2) burn Donkey, and (3) tell her he’s a real donkey now.

    I might be heartless. It’s a side affect of having no children of one’s own.

    Kelley’s last blog post..I Hate You, Nordstrom.

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  62. I should read other comments first. I’m not nearly as original as I was 5 seconds ago in my own head.

    Kelley’s last blog post..I Hate You, Nordstrom.

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  63. My son had it too, and if I’d have had a blog back then you would have heard the massive OMFG screaming heart failure I had for like 20 seconds.

    We washed instead of burning too. It was fine.

    Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas’s last blog post..New York City: I’m Ready

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  64. ooof. wanted to leave a pithy comment but your old fans are much pithier than me. and I only got three or four down the list.

    i agree with your first reaction…Its like..WHAT??????????????????

    screamish’s last blog post..the facebook saga continues

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  65. So I’m not so crazy for thinking I may have whooping cough? Those old diseases are back in style. I knew it!

    Kristine’s last blog post..Me a Bunny, Go Hop Hop

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  66. You should probably make all infected persons/stuffed animals sleep outside. Just in case. Of course, I don’t have kids. So I’m not sure if this would be considered child endangerment or not.

    Jules’s last blog post..My Lunch Date with the Surgeon

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  67. I was totally gonna comment on your post, but then my cat took a dump in the litter box that I could smell THREE ROOMS AWAY, and frankly, it wiped everything else from the two cells I’ve been using as a brain.

    TMI?

    Tracy Lynn’s last blog post..Fuck You, I’m TOTALLY Awesome

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  68. What is this, 1536? Where people get jousting injuries that never heal and instead get infected with pus and stink all the time? Or where they die from a cough? Or the hiccoughs? This is not a good sign.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Passing

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  69. Stuffed Animal Transmitted Diseases. SATD. ….gives the song I want to wear you like an animal a whole new meaning.

    William’s last blog post..Torture

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  70. hahahahaha… you funny.

    ms. changes pants while driving’s last blog post..he asked for it

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  71. I just had a thought. Don’t you think it’s just too much of a coincidence that so many of your readers have had scarlet fever in their life?? QUICK! Someone call the CDC!

    LB’s last blog post..My state punishes you more for recycling here then littering!

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  72. sick kids suck. … i mean having a child that is sick sucks.

    furiousBall’s last blog post..Stillwater knows this is good luck that just seems bad right now

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  73. I think I had scarlet fever when I was a child … … … no, I remember—- it was Scarlett O’Hara.
    She was HOT. She came to me every night. Muy caliente.
    I recovered in time for postpubescence.

    Glad you kept your cool.
    Don’t forget to Molotov the car, and possibly the neighbor’s car.
    And the car of anyone who visits for more than 20 minutes.

    Better safe…, as they say.

    This sort of thing could easily spread.

    Like

  74. Strep…Ugh…Burn the donkey thrice!

    Peggy’s last blog post..Random Tuesday Thoughts

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  75. Don’t worry. I had scarlet fever like… 16 years ago. And I’m still alive. (I think).

    K’s last blog post..Always the Critic

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  76. DUDE, really? this still exists?? next thing you know, i’m going to catch polio.

    Alice’s last blog post..solo

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  77. I want to get a retro illness. Jealous.

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  78. OH MY GOD, SEND AMY (aka Barnaby Jones) to Aunt March’s house so she doesn’t catch scarlet fever and die…and she can hook up with Laurie and steal her sister’s boyfriend — seriously, that shit AIN’T RIGHT.

    Like

  79. the teensiest bit…

    pam’s last blog post..I hate to bitch…

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  80. You and your family always have the most fun adventures. What is next, bubonic plague?

    Fantastic Forrest’s last blog post..Tuneful Tuesday Travel – begin in 1994 NYC, recede to 1948 Casablanca, fast forward to this summer

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  81. Oh my gosh, when I first started reading, I thought she had measles! There have been a few cases in the D.C. Metro area where I live. Glad to know she’s okay:)

    sabrina’s last blog post..My Hijab Pins

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  82. I had scarlet fever when I was a kid and I turned out fine. Jest fiiiine.
    *twitch* stophittingyourselfstophittingyourselfstophittingyourself. *twitch*

    Jeni’s last blog post..Friday fill-ins (late, of course. And edited!)

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  83. When I was a kid, I had a children’s version of Little Women, and it totally skipped over Beth dying. It was like “Beth isn’t well” and then she just disappeared, and several chapters later, someone was like “I wish Beth could have been here to see this” and I thought maybe she was on vacation, or in detention or something.

    Like

  84. I have a post exactly like this one, but less funny.
    Yah, my kid got that too, and I thought, “Uh. WTF?! He’s DYING?!!!”.

    Debbi’s last blog post..Tuesday Tunes- Ten Top Tabulated

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  85. I don’t know if I have the heart to say this out loud, but here goes nothing:

    Oregon Trail, my beloved video game from back when I was a wee lass and dinosaurs roamed the earth, is not as cool as I remember it being.

    Be still my heart. Oh, be still.

    Becky’s last blog post..Rockin’ The Guest Post

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  86. So I looked it up and there’s only 2 deaths from scarlet fever per year in the US. Then I notice that the page has stats on other causes of death, like “Flatulence and related conditions”, which causes 5 deaths per year. That’s right, you’re more than twice as likely to die from flatulence than from scarlet fever.

    Steve’s last blog post..Awards

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  87. Maybe Pete Grimaldi can finally sell you some of his sheilding lotion. Afterall, it is stronger than rock-dissolving acid. It can dissolve all the toys without you having to wreck your dishwasher (or the washer, since you’ll probably have to burn all your clothes too). No lawsuits involved this time, I’m sure he’ll be eager to respond to you.

    Carly’s last blog post..Army and Navy’s Legendary Shoe Sale

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  88. Isn’t that what Demi Moore had in that movie? Oh, that was “The Scarlet Letter”.

    Marinka’s last blog post..Represent

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  89. A “friend” of ours, who is prone to bouts of drama and self-importance, spent a lot of time lately lamenting how tragic her life is because her child was suffering from scarlet fever.

    I hate to be the party pooper, but it’s just strep throat.

    I get it though, that if you tell you’re friends that your kid has strep throat it makes you sound kind of gross and poor, and that scarlet fever has boatloads of cachet, but can’t we all just get over ourselves already?

    Like

  90. I had Scarlet Fever as a child and here I am to tell the tale. Except there is no tale. The pretzel doctor is correct. It’s Strep Throat with a rash. So, it’s like Strep Throat Deluxe. Really, you should be proud.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..Random Tuesday: I’m not calling you old just because you like to eat at The Olive Garden. But you have to admit, the older crowd really enjoys the Tour of Italy.

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  91. Donkey TOTALLY needs to be quarantined! Maybe even a tomato juice bath might be indicated. Can’t be too careful.

    The Dental Maven’s last blog post..Licence To Drill

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  92. I totally had that when I was a kid. Sucked Ass!

    Young Mama Rae’s last blog post..Why I only have one child…

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  93. Oh please. Little Women. I hate women from that era (not like I know any) but seriously you look at them wrong and they drop dead from a chill or “the vapors” or some other insane made up thing. I think that’s just overreacting, and honestly…kind of lazy.

    followthatdog’s last blog post..Who am I am what am I doing here?

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  94. Dystentery is shit.

    Chris Wood’s last blog post..My Shit’s Fucked Up

    Like

  95. And so is my spelling.

    Chris Wood’s last blog post..My Shit’s Fucked Up

    Like

  96. Geez – hope all is well. If your kid gets that can you get it too? In other words, does Hailey fit in the dishwasher?

    Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..Walk it baby

    Like

  97. OK – Glad Hailey’s fine and suddenly I’m eye-balling that “sanitize” feature on my washing machine.

    Carrie’s last blog post..Today

    Like

  98. My daughter (we’re in VA — not my fault either!) came home with a rash today, and when I took her to the doctor, I could only see the physician’s assistant, and she kept talking about how there were a lot of kids coming in with a rash and strep throat… Said it was either that or a “viral rash”. She refused to use any disease names though.

    When I pushed for a name she said my kid has Parvo. My first thought was, “What the heck is that?! It sounds like a dog’s disease!” So I smiled and nodded like I knew what the heck she was talking about. I was so confused I forgot to ask what the real name of “strep throat with a rash” is. I’m so glad that now I know. I feel enlightened. But I still don’t know what Parvo is.

    Mikki’s last blog post..Hi, Mom!

    Like

  99. Dude. I totally got parvo last year. It completely sucked: http://thebloggess.com/?s=parvo

    Like

  100. It’s worse being the kid in that situation. When I was little, I had scarlet fever and assumed that all the adults had just forgotten that they were required to burn my toys. So I hid them, didn’t play with them and avoided bringing it up or talking about *that book*. Didn’t want them to remember and burn my stuffed animals, after all. I still hate that damn book.

    Chris’s last blog post..The promised update (part 1)

    Like

  101. while you’re watching the dishwasher burn in the abandoned field, you might as well hunt for food. i’m sure there are some slow-moving green deer you can hit.

    father muskrat’s last blog post..interviewed by twippley skwood

    Like

  102. Hopefully she tolerates amoxicillin better than I do. Unless you enjoy projectile vomiting.

    I think Penne is right. I had strep last summer and I had to practically beg for something other than amoxicillin because I know its gastrotoxic for me and I don’t like vomiting when my throat’s already *on fire.* They gave me amoxicillin, an anti-emetic, and a third scrip for hydrocodone.

    Strep isn’t so bad when you’re stoned on hydrocodone.

    Like

  103. 105
    LibraryGirl

    My son (15) has had Scarlet Fever TWICE!!!!! Ya wanna freak out. The first time, at 5, it was only a groin rash, swollen strawberry tongue~no fever, not sick. He diagnosed himself the second time (at age 6) “Hey Mom, I have that rash again”. I haul him to the Dr, who says, “Well, he has no fever, no strawberry tongue, just a little groin rash, but I’ll run the test anyway…Yep, it’s Scarlet Fever .” Well, at least he got his tonsils taken out after the first round and slept through the night for the first time EVER~at age 5 years and 11 months~Thak you Miss Scarlet 🙂

    Like

  104. i hate the internet and i hate all the bitches on the internet and i have four kids of my own and i hate all the moms bok-bok-bokking on the internet about their babies. but jesus christ on a platter, you are one funny internet bitch, holy shit, and i say thank you for that.

    Like

  105. BAhahahaha… did you get the stuffed-animal-burning from The Velveteen Rabbit? Because that’s totally the first thing that occurred to me…

    Random’s last blog post..Late Nights

    Like

  106. Holy Fuck! Can I get scarlet fever just by reading the post about scarlet fever? Im going to disenfect now…where is the lysol?

    Like

  107. My favorite stuffed animal was a donkey with a music box inside and my dad stepped on it and broke it. Occasionally out of nowhere it would sing a few sad, tinkly notes and I was sure it was thanking me for loving it anyway and NOT BURNING IT IN AN ABANDONED FIELD!!!! Germs are everywhere, by the way…

    Like

  108. Now, you’ve got my husband laughing cause I was laughing while reading this and I had to read it to him except while I was trying to read it it came out in bits & pieces from laughing too hard. The best was your plan to burn all the toys in a bonfire & burn the donkey twice. Laughing my guts out. I love the P.S. you added about washing everything in the dishwasher and then burning the dishwasher in an abandoned field ~like you don’t know what you wrote~ but that was funny shit.

    Desiree – Mother Musing’s last blog post..Ready, Set, RANDOM

    Like

  109. 111
    mockablekaty

    When my friend told us recently that her daughter had scarlet fever, each of us responded immediately with “isn’t that what made Mary go blind?” I brought up Helen Keller, too, but none of us thought of poor Beth.

    Like

  110. My 3 sisters and I totally had scarlet fever when we lived in South Carolina as kids. I blame the southerners. I was convinced we were all dying too. Guess we know who survived, huh?

    Dana’s last blog post..Wishing and Hoping

    Like

  111. Nice reference to The Velveteen Rabbit. Hope she feels better soon!

    Chere’s last blog post..L is for Llama Face!

    Like

  112. I mentioned zombies in my last post and thought of you. Which is weird. But kind of awesome at the same time – awesome for you, not for me.

    Abby’s last blog post..#27 – Day 140

    Like

  113. Nothing to do with scarlet fever–more like related to Kate’s “comment of the day”

    When I was a kid I read a Yogi bear comic book and couldn’t figure out why Yogi was *so sad* the whole time. He kept saying “boo hoo” this and “boo hoo” that. Poor Yogi!

    At the end of the book I figured out that Yogi wasn’t crying–he was talking to his best little buddy *Boo Boo.*

    Yes. I am just that stupid.

    country mouse’s last blog post..hiatus

    Like

  114. At least it’s not lice, because once you get that shit it never goes away. My twin sister and I used to get it when we were in elementary school and my mom would spend hours (days! weeks!) combing our hair with foul-smelling RID, washing our clothes and stuffed animals and bedding, and combing our hair some more.

    I was pretty sure lice was fairly common until I told Husband about this and he looked at me like I was diseased. Then I realized there’s some things you should probably shouldn’t discuss on your wedding day, and how many times you had lice as a kid is one of them. SAVE THAT FOR AFTER THE WEDDING, GUYS!

    Chloe’s last blog post..I Could Never Twitter.

    Like

  115. You should have probably put her toys in the dishwasher, and then nuked them both. With a *real* nuke, not some wimpy microwave oven.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..? I want to teach the world to scream, with peas and hominy…

    Like

  116. I had it when I was an adult. It sucked. But you do get over it. I think it prevents you from donating blood or something.

    Nicole’s last blog post..Post of the Day

    Like

  117. You didn’t have to sweat out the fever? Or bleed her with leeches or anything? Scarlett Fever’s just not what it used to be.

    doahleigh’s last blog post..The hunt for the elusive watch battery

    Like

  118. My girl’s bio-mom is constantly making up illnesses for the kids that require them to be “rushed to the ER with their ‘very lives’ on the line.” I just don’t take cootie-itus very seriously anymore.

    WickedStepMom’s last blog post..Mobbed

    Like

  119. What? No picture goodness?

    Like

  120. Yes, we have had The Scarlet Fever in our house on more than one occasion. I just keep telling my kids, “Better that than The Scarlet Letter because that would require me to kick some ass!”

    Vikki’s last blog post..The Middle-Aged Follies

    Like

  121. Wow… your Readi-Clinic has actual doctors? The one by my house only has a first year med school student who up until last year was majoring in Forestry.

    Jeff’s last blog post..The hole in the wall guy

    Like

  122. Beth was weak. WEAK, I tell you! I wanted to be Jo. Until she didn’t choose Laurie and then married the creepy older professor guy and had a bunch of sons. Then I wanted to be Phoebe Cates.

    Like

  123. hmmm, donkies do seem dirty to me to-regardless if he is stuffed or not. I never trusted Eeyore.

    Sensibly Sassy’s last blog post..A Deviation Above the Standard: Scrubs

    Like

  124. Oh no he DIDN”T give you amoxocillan. Pansy ass doctor.

    Beth’s last blog post..checking in

    Like

  125. Whoa. I didn’t even know Scarlet Fever still existed. I would have been panicking that my kid had some sort of Little House on the Prairie type plague, for sure.

    MeredithElaine’s last blog post..Victory is mine!

    Like

  126. So you never got that prezel, eh? Talk about Sucky Mc Suckersons.

    Hippo Brigade’s last blog post..I’m so Embarrassed

    Like

  127. so I’m totally picturing you in the field with the dishwasher like it’s the scene in Office Space where they go totally crazy on the printer/copier machine. You should totally video it and put it on youtube. that would be awesome. and then Hayley has something to show her kids about the incident that got Grandma committed.

    Hannah’s last blog post..the time my roommate peed outside our front door

    Like

  128. 131
    The Original Lisa

    Of course YOUR kid had to get some obscure disease! It’s all Pearl’s fault. She’s been out catting around again. Oh, and Mr. Farty is a genius.

    Like

  129. Is a “Readi-Clinic” like an “Emergicare?” One of the nurses at my family doctor told me the other day that she wouldn’t take her dog to an emergicare.

    Like

  130. Hah, I totally had that last year and the doctors didn’t know what it was exactly and then the head doctor brings out his book on INFECTIOUS DISEASES AND RASHES and shows me what I had. Then they paraded me around to all the other doctors so they could see. In other words, don’t go to college campus clinics.

    Like

  131. My dog had ring worm. I burned all his woobies. And just for fun, I shaved him. Now he looks like one of those hairless cats. Taught him.

    Like

  132. Beth was my favorite character in Little Women. That says something, doesn’t it?

    My younger brother was on amoxicillin for like 1/2 his life due to numerous small problems. I hated the smell.

    Lauren’s last blog post..Blogger Swap Day (Pt 2)

    Like

  133. Scarlet fever should have some fancy 21st Century name. J. Crew never uses the word scarlet anymore. I propose Hot Persimmon.

    Carolyn Online’s last blog post..Conversations with my mother #6.

    Like

  134. They had dysentery on the Oregon Trail? Dang. Glad I live in Georgia.

    Coal Miner’s Granddaughter’s last blog post..Facebook’s Class of ’90

    Like

  135. Love your blog!
    My niece had scarlet fever TWICE last year and I had the same reaction. seriously, this shit doesn’t happen. Only during pioneer years did someone get scarlet fever. I feel your pain sista… well except for the fact that my niece doesn’t live with me, therefore I didn’t have to have a stuffed animal massacre. Also, I didn’t miss out on the pretz. Sorry ’bout your luck.

    Wutang’s last blog post..Always remember to OPEN the door…

    Like

  136. They call one of Ohio State’s big pep rallies Scarlet Fever. Does that mean we have to burn the campus down the next time they riot after a football game?

    Condo Blues’s last blog post..My Husband Saved a Raccoon for Earth Day So You Don’t Have To

    Like

  137. I’ll send you a pretzel in the mail.

    Because, no-one should be snack-less after going through such as ordeal.

    Jelly’s last blog post..Sewage, Street Signs and Spiders. I hate Mondays.

    Like

  138. I say forget what the stupid “doctor” says, he wasn’t around when it was a big deal, like we were. Burn everything, without a second thought.

    Worst case scenario, a lot of the most-loved toys will end up meeting the Blue Fairy and be made real, and your yard will be overrun with fucking bunnies and Elmos and stuff.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Developments at our house, Vol. 14

    Like

  139. My oldest had it a few years ago. She’d had strep throat for a week but never said anything about not feeling well. I remember having to tell the school though because it’s highly contagious.

    Mrs X’s last blog post..Wanted: One Super-strength Roll of Duct Tape

    Like

  140. … for 18 cycles…

    Made me laugh out loud.

    God you are so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    spazz.me’s last blog post..Not that there’s anything wrong with it

    Like

  141. You could look on the bright side: if you’re going to get an old colourful disease Scarlet Fever is probably better than Black Death. If you get that you should definitely burn the dishwasher; suggest an industrial furnace though, or better still just nuke it.

    I hope you realise how educational your blog is, especially to us dirty foreigners: having learnt all about garanimals I’m now an expert on this Oregon Trail thing. Wikipedia should give you commission.( Hope you all get well soon)

    Drolgerg’s last blog post..10 More Ways to Annoy People on Twitter: A Celebrity Special!

    Like

  142. The vet told me a few weeks ago that my cat might have THE PLAGUE. He said those last two words in a very low and ominous tone and then told me it’s not a big deal. I then told him that if it’s not that big of a deal, then they shouldn’t be allowed to call it THE PLAGUE. I smell a letter-writing campaign coming…

    karen’s last blog post..website updated

    Like

  143. It’s adorable. AND DEADLY. Except not really deadly apparently anymore….

    By Jenny (bloggess & mom of 4 y o) So this week Hailey got diagnosed with Scarlet Fever, I freaked out because that’s what made Mary go blind in Little House in the Prairie, then she recovered almost immediately which……

    Like

  144. OK, why are all these old (treatable diseases back on the scene?) My son keeps getting sick with the same thing, fever, nausea, headache! It’s either in the school or in the air (no conspiracy, I’m just saying.)

    Wanda’s last blog post..Wednesday’s Welcome

    Like

  145. 148
    Bananarama

    Ok, here’s what you do: wipe Hailey down with Clorix wipes, and then place her in a plastic bubble, like thos gerbil balls, along with enough clothes for 18 years. The upside?: She’ll never get sick again. The down?: Bathroom facilities might be trickier than we all think.

    Like

  146. Scarlet Fever! My mother would be so JEALOUS! She had scarlet fever when she was little and her favorite story is how it kept her in bed for a year and she had to learn how to walk all over again (she’s told it 1000 times). She’s pretty much been a hypochondriac ever since – – she totally envies anyone who sounds like they have a serious disease! PS your blog kills me every time I read it.

    Elaine at Lipstickdaily’s last blog post..Drink Wine; Save the World

    Like

  147. I know I have enjoyed your blog when I laugh so hard that a little pee comes out. No, seriously, that is my rating scale.

    Like

  148. Scarlet fever is not only in Little Women, but it’s also the story catalyst for The Velveteen Rabbit. Maybe this is the Universe’s way of telling you that you’re a great writer. Yeah, go with that.

    Aria’z Ink’s last blog post..Too Many Pies Not Enough Fingers

    Like

  149. Did you take even one breath during the writing of that post?

    Swampy’s last blog post..Round

    Like

  150. Amoxicillin? Really?

    Hope she’s feeling ok….

    tracey’s last blog post..Thursday fluff

    Like

  151. I had scarlet fever when I was a kid, and here I am at 28, still alive and everything. Although, now i think I know what happened to all my stuffed animals, which mysteriously “got lost”. And that kitten my mom told me “ran away”.

    Operation Pink Herring’s last blog post..Interview with a vampire fangirl

    Like

  152. I have seriously recommended this post to every woman i know.

    spazz.me’s last blog post..Quotes from actually having sex this morning

    Like

  153. You are so wonderfully naughty and weird. I love your blog.

    Like

  154. Ok, my comment is awaiting moderation? Huh? I don’t get it….this is The Bloggess’ blog, right?

    Like

  155. i love you. huge kudos fo making me spit coffee all over my keyboard at least once a week. it’s the snorting it up into my sinuses that makes me hate you just a little.

    Like

  156. I’m sure you’ve got much better blogs on the horizon, but I have to admit, I would love to hear your answers to some of these so I tagged you.

    Heather’s last blog post..8 Things…better late than never, right?

    Like

  157. The Velveteen Rabbit comes to mind. Its a childrens book (no doubt out of print by now (or at best hard to find)) about a child’s stuffed bunny who has to be burned because the child had Scarlet fever and the bunny was her favorite company. But because the viris stays on surface material everything the child had touched while sick had to be burned. But the velveteen bunny becomes a real one in the end so all is right 🙂

    Cara’s last blog post..Dream Board

    Like

  158. You should totally burn all of her stuff but make it a good use of fuel and set it up like she did something wrong and this is what she gets because her mother is such a bad ass and SHOULD NOT BE MESSED WITH. See what you get for spilling your milk?! See?!!

    That commercial with the big talking bug that tries to deliver pizza is freaking me out. Please stop playing that on my TV.

    AmyAnne’s last blog post..In Support of Madlyn Primoff

    Like

  159. My family still thinks I’m lying about my daughter getting scarlet fever. “She’d be dead.” … little do they know she’s now a zombie.

    Like

  160. We did Scarlet Fever a few years ago. One daughter actually had it(a mild rash) and the other daughter had what we thought was SF but was really an allergic reaction to amoxillan!! She didn’t have a rash, she WAS a rash!! It was awful.

    Molly’s last blog post..HAPPY EARTH DAY!!!

    Like

  161. I can’t stop laughing and reading this post..like.. every day.

    http://spazz.me’s last blog post..Sexy Mother Pucker & Beauty

    Like

  162. Hehe. Glad she’s fine. And also, I have a t-shirt with a covered wagon that says “You have died of dysentery”. Hardly anyone ever gets it and looks at me like I’m a freak when I wear it. Which just makes it funnier.

    Kim@Galavanting’s last blog post..Style Time with Abby – Guest Post from a Five Year-Old (52 seconds)

    Like

  163. Yeah, we had scarlet fever last year. My poor daughter got it while my husband and I were whooping it up at a bed and b’fast for our anniversary. We knew she was weak and limp like a rag doll before we left her with my sister, but we went anyway. I felt pre-t-t-y guilty when I finally took her to Urgent Care on New Year’s Day (with all the drunks) and got her diagnosed.

    anna see’s last blog post..The SAG Awards

    Like

  164. I hope this doesn’t mean that Scarlet Fever will be her stage name some day …. just sayin’

    Kimberlee’s last blog post..I love the Dordogne in the spring time …

    Like

  165. Your advice column makes me happy…

    (down there)

    Sam’s last blog post..Happy 420!!

    Like

  166. 169
    jill illingworth

    I would of stopped off at the pretzel shop first…My daughter has scarlet fever right now and I though it was just nothing so she has been jumping in the trampoline for the last two days. Now I feel bad….But throwing away the stuffed animals is a great idea. What is the point of those annoying dust and mite collecting toys?????
    Your blog is funnier than hell…

    Like

  167. […] dreams, setting the alarm I’m a fan of the Bloggess. She’s got some absolutely hilarious stuff. But I realised, at around 7:18 this morning that I should lay off the feed reader for a […]

    Like

  168. […] a fan of the Bloggess. She’s got some absolutely hilarious stuff. But I realised, at around 7:18 this morning that I should lay off the feed reader for a […]

    Like

  169. I had the same version of Little Women that Kate had… then several kids in my class got Scarlet Fever and my mother told me, “BETH DIED!” and I got totally freaked that I really didn’t feel badly about the kids who had gotten Scarlet Fever and the fact that they were probably going to die. Seven year old me was going, “Eh, well, at least it wasn’t Andrew and Michelle.”

    Like

    Meg recently posted Atlantic City Wedding!.

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