This isn’t really a real post. It’s a link to a page that goes to an informative banner that goes to a real post. Why? Because I’m trying to save your job, asshole.

no really, you can click on it.

No really. You can click on it.

Comment of the day: I appreciate it that I can buy both “sex” and “all things sexual” on Sexis. I know where I’m shopping for Mother’s Day–because nothing says, “you’re the best mom,” like sex you bought online. ~ Just Barely

46 replies. read them below or add one

  1. So can I put that banner on my blog?

    Writer Dad’s last blog post..The Collective Inkwell Interview: Brian Anderson of Dog Eat Doug

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  2. The awesomeness just never stops. I’m supposed to do a write up on my blog about Sexis and now that I get to include The Bloggess and clown porn well it just doesn’t get any better then that.

    Like

  3. Well, I’m sooo glad someone is finally going to dish out the low-down on clown porn, because I have had some questions!

    Christy’s last blog post..Just Another College Co-Ed

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  4. Clown porn? That is going to give me nightmares for weeks.

    WickedStepMom’s last blog post..Around the World in 40 Plates*

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  5. Thanks. Now I have to call my therapist. Or maybe I can just send an e-mail to your advice column. The non-dirty one.

    Libby’s last blog post..The Perfect Gift

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  6. I think you should branch out into elderly porn and midget porn (and yes, I know that the right name is Little People).

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  7. I want to see Stephen King clown porn. That would be a fucked up ride. Also, I think “little person” is way more offensive than “midget”. I think I’d rather be called a “Hobbit” or even “Stefan.” But just to be safe you should call it little people porn. Hobbit porn will draw the wrong crowd and Stefan porn will just confuse people.

    mayopie’s last blog post..You want me to be a battery? Sure.

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  8. That clown nose, superimposed on your picture, is awesome. Tell me, does your clown porn include mimes? Mime porn…now that would be silent, but deadly.

    melistress’s last blog post..Attention Knitters!

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  9. Ok, so how do I RSS feed just when you write? Cuz I could give a rats ass what anybody else writes on that site.

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  10. I think … no! … I know that I want your autograph. Now dammit!

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Hi, I’m Buttfull

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  11. Um, it’s not that okay for work. My boss just rubbernecked at the big black dildo in the banner as she walked by and was all, “Oh, are you done testing the new CMS?” And I was like, “Oh, this isn’t it? I’ll go talk to the programmers about getting me the right URL.” And then I giggled. Dildo.

    emvandee’s last blog post..Sweet potatoes are the best thing ever for you. Even if you get swine flu. Though if you get swine flu, call me, because I’d like to lick your door knobs.

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  12. I’m sorry but your SexIs article is about the funniest thing Ive read for a long time. Dumb comment, but i find that the best writing doesnt need commentary. It was just great!

    screamish’s last blog post..blogging holiday

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  13. So…….will you eventually review how it feels in the earhole? Cause I heard they warn against even cottonswabs in the ears now, so I’d like someone else to do it and tell me about it before I do it and then can’t hear the safe word.

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  14. Well dammit, I don’t have a job anymore, so I can look at all the clown porn I want! Do you by chance have a version that is extremely unsafe for work??

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  15. Regarding the whole Hello Kitty sex toy thing? I’ll save you a (very enjoyable) minute and tell you that it’s both cute and useful. The best part is, you can have it sitting out as decoration because it’s super cute and doesn’t really look like a sex toy. Just put it away when your dad is house-sitting for you, because it still *kinda* looks like a sex toy.

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  16. 17
    Scott Myers

    Just wanted to say that I love your sense of humor. There. I said it. Thanks for sharing your fun brain with the masses.

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  17. So every time I think of little people porn I envision a set of plastic Fisher-Price toys and a green door scene involving the prince and princess. Then the knight knocks at the door and the princess totally begs for more and it becomes “Beatrice Blows Beaumont”. http://www.timewarptoys.com/fpcastle1.jpg

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  18. Yay.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..How are you?

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  19. Now I really CAN die happy.

    Cat’s last blog post..Couldn’t I Just Break An Arm Again?

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  20. I review sex toys for a site that is associated with SexIs, so I just got an email saying “The Bloggess is here!!” So basically, you’re even invading my email account and my dirty little secret of sex toy reviews.

    Maybe this says more about me then it does about you, but oh well. Stop judging me assholes.

    LB’s last blog post..The first-time homebuyer class was trying to paralyze or infect me with the plague.

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  21. Oh mah gawd, you are a fucking riot.

    Meg’s last blog post..R is for…

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  22. OMG! You are just too funny! Really! Love it!

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  23. I can’t tell you how jealous I am.

    First you quit your job. Now you have all of these fun (if not uber-lucrative) job offers … life’s not fair!

    Miss Rosa’s last blog post..By Tomorrow, I’ll Be On the Lam

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  24. I don’t even know how to BEGIN to share this, but I once dated a guy who was into vintage porn, whereby by “vintage” I don’t mean safe-for-work Bettie Page, I mean 70s and 80s porn with the worst-best music and (I’m sorry but) WAY TOO MUCH hair. And I’m not even meaning just the down-there kind (although wow) but like, chest hair and head hair and bushy everythings.

    Anyway.

    There was one movie and I swear. Swear. That there was a um, little person in it. Dressed as a clown. But the poor clown didn’t get any action, he wasn’t ever naked, he just served to like…well, you’re going to think I’m lying…but he was kind of like the Greek Chorus. You know? Moving the story along? A weird, laughing clown-midget. To help with exposition. In a horrible porn movie from the late 70s.

    Now you know.

    kristy’s last blog post..A Humorous Work-Related, Hive-Memory

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  25. I appreciate it that I can buy both “sex” and “all things sexual” on Sexis. I know where I’m shopping for Mother’s Day–because nothing says, “you’re the best mom,” like sex you bought online.

    Like

  26. i have more questions about midget porn than clown porn. so maybe next time you can hit on that. or maybe you just want to get on that. i don’t know, hence, the questions.

    Like

  27. i found reference to you blog on A View From the Floor…she is correct your blog is great! But i goota say my boobs are different sizes (and you had it correct as to which is bigger in the pic) and my areolas are quitr large…though more like a saucer…not a dinner plate. i fear clowns but maybe it would be therapudic to have sex with one and get over my fear? 😉

    viemoira’s last blog post..Wet Nails HNT

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  28. I was hoping to link to a youtube video of “Leather Clown” by King Missile but it predates the web by too many years I guess. It’s great song on their best album (“They”), and (surprise) involves clown porn. A google search will give many sites with the lyrics.

    indrifan’s last blog post..Another sign that I need to get out more

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  29. … and then later I looked the page up again and realized it wasn’t a dildo at all but a boot, but my boss still invited me into her office a bit later for a chat about about using the internet to indulge my personal interests.

    emvandee’s last blog post..Sweet potatoes are the best thing ever for you. Even if you get swine flu. Though if you get swine flu, call me, because I’d like to lick your door knobs.

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  30. I totally had to stop reading and take a pee break halfway through or I was going to piss myself…and these are my favorite jeans. Plus, how can I yell at my husband for getting drunk and pissing all over the bathroom rug last night (AGAIN!) if I pee all over our couch (and we don’t even have a dog!!!)?

    So next your going to discuss something even more jacked up than clown porn? Do they make Giant Squid porn? Saschatch porn? Zombie porn? Ooo ooo Ninja Porn!!! By the time the broad orgasmed the Ninja would be gone and she’d just look at the camera like “WTF!?!” I know I just got fucked, right? Because Ninja are sneaky…and…oh nevermind. It made sense in my head.

    (please excuse the punctuation and such but I am half drunk already)

    Four sites to feed my Bloggess adiction=awesomeness. Now all I need is the book (hint…big ol’ jab in the ribs HINT!).

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  31. Can anyone teach me to keep my ability to spell while drunk? I look like a dumbass but really I am just a drunkass.

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  32. I just had a dream about Ken Hoffman.

    mbee’s last blog post..Arranged marriage might be a good idea after all

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  33. the best way to sodomize a clown is to point them towards the edge of a cliff, that way they push back into you… shit, that was out loud again

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  34. I have no clown comments . . . but I so look forward to this blog every day!

    Elaine at Lipstickdaily’s last blog post..What I Know for Sure: I should be…

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  35. So… I’m blocked. @#$*&@ Doesn’t your old job realize you are now a celebrity and there are some of us here at work that want to follow you still… you know like stalkers. Except I’m not a stalker, you already know I’m your fan and stuff…

    Now I did think it was funny that the youdata ad that came up when I went to your sexis blog was SoyJoy – Longer lasting energy. What are you saying? I’m not a premature commenter!

    Like

  36. I’m pretty sure you need to photoshop a dildo or one of those funny clown horns in place the hairdryer

    fidget’s last blog post..A farewell to Pepe

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  37. Your boobs look like the plates that no one bought for my wife and I from our wedding registry 6years ago.

    I think we registered at Bed Bath and Beyonce.

    William’s last blog post..Mean Lady at the Church

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  38. You inspire me. I will no longer write about exercise, I will now write about sex. I may have to change the name of my blog to Chubby Mommy Sex Club. But that’s probably fine. Also I know some clowns in real life, so maybe they could guest post.

    juliejulie’s last blog post..When Good Trainers Go Bad

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  39. Wow, I love clown noses. And dinosaur masks. You have it all, Bloggess! 😉

    Raging Dad’s last blog post..The only pull you got is the wool over your eyes

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  40. 41
    carpeviam

    Love the clown nose. Very, um, subtle. Almost didn’t notice that bright red dot on your face.

    carpeviam’s last blog post..There once was a man from Nantucket…

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  41. So, “In the ear hole” is a category now?

    Steve’s last blog post..Relativism

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  42. I waited ALL DAY TO READ THIS SHIT. I called my friend in the IT Dept. earlier, who loves you also, and I was all, “Did you read the new Bloggess?” And she was like, “No, did you…?” And I was like, “No, ’cause I was afraid they’d can me for that shit.” And she was all, “Yeah, I looked at the url and it looked like Adult Content.” So I waited until I got home, and I gotta say, I was rather disappointed. I mean, The Bloggess + Sex Advice Column should be pure gold. Break out of that shell, baby.

    Whiskey in a Teacup’s last blog post..DC’s Black Churches Are Up In Arms

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  43. Awesome. I am going to be having some fucked up dreams tonight.

    That’s if I can stop imagining a midget clown with no pants hiding in my closet.

    Thanks for that, by the way.

    Jelly’s last blog post..Books for the modern child – This is not a real post, but it’s funny.

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  44. Fascinating..

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  45. 46
    I really do need a life

    I just read your post on sexis comparing sex toys and video games, and i was enjoying it greatly until you mentioned the Leroy Jenkins part. Then i stopped, because i am pathetic enough to already know who he is and what his name implies. Evaluating the situation, I realized WoW is inexcapable, and soon to be the ruler of the internet. But at least i’m a night elf and can shapeshift….

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