You know how when everyone is on twitter and you can’t get off and your husband is yelling at you that you’ve been on the internet for four straight hours and you’re all “I’ll get off as soon as everyone else gets off” but then more people show up and you get sucked into watching Garfunkel and Oates videos for another two hours and then your husband threatens to put you in rehab because you have “some sort of an addiction” and you’re all “Well, it’s not an ‘addiction’ when you play World of Warcraft for two days straight” and he’s all “That was a group quest and the elves were depending on me for my resurrection powers” and then he says something about how you haven’t showered since yesterday and you’re all “That’s not true” but you don’t actually say it out loud because you’re too busy responding to Wil Wheaton even though you know he’s never going to reply to you but it doesn’t hurt to try and then your husband stomps off doing that loud, horrible huffy sigh thing that makes you want to stab him in the face a whole bunch?
That sucks. for. everybody. And that’s why I propose that all of us get off the internet this Friday at 8 pm Central for one hour to give our husbands/boyfriends/life-partners/roommates blow-jobs. And I know you’re suspecting that I’m tied up in a corner and that Victor is writing this and I appreciate your concern but actually, no, it’s me and hear me out. So we’re all off the internet at the same time so no one has to feel like they’re missing anything, plus when you give your honey a surprise blowjob he’s going to be all “WTF was that all about?” and then you give him this smoldering, over-the-shoulder glance and be all “Oh that? That was from the internet”. And then he’ll be all “YOU SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET ALL THE TIME”. And then we all win.
Also, if you are single then bonus for you too because you can download p0rn faster during that hour since everyone else is going be off the internet. Or you could use that time to troll for other single people on twitter who are also not having oral sex. Because now you have something in common. I’m like the greatest matchmaker ever.
Comment of the day: What are we suppose to do for the other 50 minutes? ~ QOTFU