It’s called a skill because you have to work at it.

in bizarre, Just sad, no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap, stuff better left unpublished

Screenshot from an actual ad that a nearby sailing school sent me:

like invisibility

“Sailing, like invisibility, is a skill that can last a lifetime”.

Baffled.  I’m just baffled.

PS.  I showed this to Victor and he pointed out that they did say that invisibility is a “skill” rather than a natural talent,  so technically if I haven’t mastered turning myself invisible it’s obviously because I don’t want it bad enough.  Awesome.

PPS.  Victor just read this and insisted that he never said that I didn’t want to be invisible, but that I was just “not applying myself, as usual“.  And when he said “as usual” he lifted his eyebrow and stared at all the dishes in the sink.  Then I’m all “Sorry. I guess I’ve been too busy focusing on levitation and defending myself from dark wizards, asshole” and then he stopped talking to me because I was “being ridiculous”.  Then I used a powerful spell to get rid of all the dirty dishes.  And by “powerful spell” I mean I opened up the backdoor and threw them all out on the yard.  I’m like a goddamn sorceress.

Comment of the day: I specially liked the part where sailing leaves you in such a posttraumatic stress state (much like when you come out of an invisible spell -I suppose-) that you will “find yourself spending afternoons wondering about wind direction, hoisting makeshift mainsails in the garage”. Do they provide the hard, brain damaging drugs during the lessons too?
Sailing –you will let yourself go and walk around your soiled pajamas all day after this shit. Come try it! ~Esther

159 thoughts on “It’s called a skill because you have to work at it.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. Quite so. And I’ve always known that if I could just apply myself my flying skills would get much better. In my defense, it’s a bit difficult between castings to work on said skills.
    .-= AmyAnne´s last blog ..Baby’s First Haircut =-.

  9. I find the “pulling cleats and winches out of your pajama pants’ drawstring more than you usually do” a bit alarming, too. Or maybe that’s the trick. MAYBE — just maybe — invisibility (the skill!) is somehow linked to the keeping of cleats and winches in your drawstrings. But wait, how can you keep anything IN a drawstring? If I taught English, which I don’t and never will, I’d use this paragraph as an example of how you should not write paragraphs on any topic while you are really really high.

    Hang on, what kind of boat is normally powered by a NUCLEAR REACTOR?

  10. Haha. This made me laugh.
    I need to start working on my powers, I totally didn’t realize that if I just really wanted it badly enough & focused hard enough it would happen. If I was required to do the dishes, I might try that sorcery move of yours but alas someone else does those (and it’s not the dishwasher)…

  13. So invisibility is just like riding a bicycle? AWESOME! I have only mastered invisibility to some extent, i.e. it only works on certain people, such as my husband when I am doing household chores. He can see the TV through me which makes it very convenient since I don’t block his view when I am invisible. I’d like to learn the dish spell. Please let me know how I may enroll. Many thanks.
    .-= submom´s last blog ..Why does the smiley face look like a pervert? =-.

  15. Oh, you’ve just made me so happy. I thought invisibility was a power one was born with. You’ve given me hope. No longer will I have to lock myself in the bathroom to hide from my children.
    .-= Jen´s last blog .. =-.

  17. If it’s so easy for Victor, I demand a how to YouTube of it. *waits impatiently, tapping foot,*

    Oh, I see. Your time would be better applied doing dishes so they don’t break when Jenny flings them out the back door? Yeah.

    I’m off to try to find a way to make this invisible thing happen. There are ALL KINDS of awesome things to be done when no one can see you. Like spying on your kids at school to learn what they’re REALLY saying. Or messing up your hateful coworker’s stuff and watching her try to explain it. Oooh, yes. Invisibility has become a top priority now.
    .-= Andrea´s last blog ..The Ass End of Friday =-.

  19. It’s not enough he makes a mockery of you, he also must mock us!
    And hey, why doesn’t he apply himself to those dishes, eh?
    Gosh, if only I’d known I just wasn’t applying myself hard enough….All the wasted years.
    .-= Ariel´s last blog ..Take you me for a sponge? =-.

  21. I specially liked the part where sailing leaves you in such a posttraumatic stress state (much like when you come out of an invisible spell -I suppose-) that you will “find yourself spending afternoons wondering about wind direction, hoisting makeshift mainsails in the garage”. Do they provide the hard, brain damaging drugs during the lessons too?
    Sailing –you will let yourself go and walk around your soiled pajamas all day after this shit. Come try it!
    .-= Esther´s last blog ..cine ruso =-.

  22. I often wish my mode of transportation didn’t require a nuclear reactor…Because, yes, it would be sublime. But at the end of the day I would MUCH prefer to have a super power. I caught the last 30 minutes of a truly horrible movie called something like Super Power High…or something equally ridiculous…and there was this one girl who could get plants to eat people. Actually I think it was a kid’s movie…so the plants didn’t actually EAT them. But if I had that power, I would train my plants to actually chew. But good luck with that sailing Jenny.
    .-= Minivan Soapbox´s last blog ..Anxiety Is Just Another Word For Crazy In This House =-.

  24. “pulling cleats and winches out of your pajama pants’ drawstring more than you usually do” The fuck? This sounds like a highly contagious venereal disease and you should stay away from this supposed sailing school for the rest of your life unless cleats and winches are really sailing terms for nautical knots or sail types or something.

  25. Makes me wonder who the hell approved that ad. Someone who is obviously now trying to make themselves appear invisible.

    I think that if there was some sort of invisibility “school” instead of sailing school they wouldn’t even have to advertise. Every mother in the world would want in. Can you even imagine what you could do with that skill set? FREAK YOUR CHILDREN OUT. That is what! We are talking FUN FOR DAYS HERE PEOPLE.
    .-= JenniferG´s last blog ..How I Depressed Myself And Inspired Myself All In The Same Moment And Why You Should Care =-.

  27. Dear Bloggess: What on earth I was doing with my life before I stumbled upon your website–I mean, BESIDES practicing invisibility, duh, which should be the first thing they teach you at Mom Camp, never mind the whole “open cervix, flower of life” groan chant–it wasn’t worth it. Thank you. No, really.

    Off to pitch dishes into the garden,

    Lorraine
    .-= Lorraine´s last blog ..Cleaning tips =-.

  28. Much like in parenting, nobody ever notices the demons you HAVE overcome – like, my children were *actually fed* supper last night, and *no Dark Wizards* got through. They just notice the things you don’t accomplish, like “is your son wearing his sister’s ‘B.U.M. Girl’ t-shirt?” and “why can’t you invisiblize yourself yet?”
    .-= harmzie´s last blog ..Open letter to Stone Fox about Twitter… =-.

  30. Sailing, like invisibility, is a skill that can last a lifetime? WTF? First, invisibility doesn’t last a lifetime. It comes in short bursts and never works at Target (where they also frown on naked people shoplifting.) I do however have to agree that turning a non-nuclear powered boat to the right or left is as difficult as turning invisible.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..Killer robots: Can they get any scarier? Uh huh. =-.

  32. I will buy you a million messenger owls if you apply your magical skills to all the work on my desk. And also to the assistant sitting behind me who’s supposed to be helping but is playing Farmville instead, which I don’t really get but basically it’s the new Mafia Wars, I think, so if anyone’s going to be sympathetic it should be you.
    .-= LiLu´s last blog ..Holy Sprinkles… I’m The Angela Of My Office. (Without The Affair And All.) =-.

  33. A lot of married woman claim they are invisible to their husbands. Consider yourself lucky that you are not invisible to Vic. Then again maybe Vic should consider himself unlucky

  34. Invisibility never seems to work out the way you want to. Did you ever notice how when people become invisible they always seem to become visible at the worst possible time? What if you really had to go to the bathroom and you were driving and driving and driving, and you came up to this really nice house that looked like it belonged to a rich family, so you know their bathroom is clean, but probably so rich that they’re kind of stuck up and wouldn’t let you use their bathroom if you went up and rang the doorbell and asked, even if you were doing the peepee dance? So you think “Oh hey, I’ll just walk up to their house (invisible of course), go inside, to the bathroom, and then sneak out before anyone notices.”

    So you put your perfect plan into action and you’re just about to their bathroom when you turn back to being visible and their five year old catches you peepeee dancing your way into the bathroom, screams, and you have to climb out the bathroom window and down a tree, all while peeing because you never got time to use the bathroom, and now you have to drive home with no pants or underwear on, twigs and leaves in your hair, and when your boyfriend notices all of this, acts like you were out cheating on him with some guy who is apparently like Tarzan and likes to do it in the woods. And he loses even more respect for you because you smell like urine.

    See, invisibility is totally an over-rated skill.

  37. How about SELECTIVE invisibility of other objects, meaning your dishes may or may not actually be there? Then you can tel ol’ Victor, “What, are you looking at the INVISIBLE dishes again?”
    .-= SupaCoo´s last blog ..I Believe… =-.

  38. I too, have a huge issue with “find yourself spending afternoons …pulling cleats and winches out of your pajama pants…more than you usually do'”…FIRST OFF – I don’t ever pull football shoes or pirate sluts out of my pajama pants. Ever. Can you imagine the stench that would come from that combination? SECOND – who does? I want to meet said people and punch them in the neck. Twice.

    Also, I have a dog who can make himself invisible. Example:
    Me: RUSTY!!! Did you just fuckin’ barf on my chair?
    Rusty: *closes eyes*
    Me: Damnit, where the fuck did you go you little bastard?
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..I’ve Never Posted About… =-.

  41. I’ve been working on my invisibility skills like 3 and half years. So far I have managed to make parts of myself invisible which is disconcerting at best. It sucks when I’m walking around thinking I’m invisible and it turns out only my thigh is missing and people just look at you like some sort of half-wit ghost and start saying hail-Mary’s. Not really the reaction I’m going for.

    Once my penis disappeared for two whole days and I was like, WTF!! But that was after I joined the Polar Bear club that one winter so it may not have been my invisibility powers at work but the worst case of shrinkage ever—the point is the only person it managed to freak out was me, which isn’t cool cause I thought at least my wife would be concerned but she went all, “Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll be fine, you’re such a baby…blah blah blah.”

    So yeah, you can see I need to get this sorted out, so do they give classes on invisibility too or just the sailing?
    .-= DreadedRafifi´s last blog ..Aliens, the Bible and Enoch—Oh my! Part Deux. =-.

  46. because this has *everything* to do with your post today, I just wanted to inform you that “whore” is the buzzword for today. Like, I’m getting a lot of satisfaction out of using it. it’s almost as good as “skank”. but “skank” is like heroin. you have to be careful you don’t use it too much and o.d. “whore” is more like weed. safe for everyday use….and by safe I mean, mildly offensive and bad for you, but satisfying all the same.

    I just thought you of all people would appreciate this.

    Actually, now that I think about it, this *does* have everything to do with your post. Because using the word “whore” is much like invisibility because it too requires skill. The skill is what separates the $5 bjs from the $50 bjs…the walmart fishnets from the fredericks fishnets. So really, I’m totally on top of things and this comment is VERY appropriate.

  49. wow.

    im not sure which one makes my jaw drop farther… victor or the total douchebag that wrote the ad??? lmao.

    i agree with Miss Rosa tho….. mind reading would be way better.

    let me know when you apply yourself enough to actually master invisibility. 😉
    .-= crazyassmomma´s last blog ..i need to vent =-.

  54. Oh man, can’t wait to take some classes for invisibility training. Someone should pursue this avenue of monetary development. Set up shop right next to a psychic. Or maybe incorporate them into one big B.S. shop. Anyone wanna collaborate?
    .-= Jenny´s last blog ..Three 20-Somethings and a Baby =-.

  55. I hate to break the news to you, but invisibility isn’t a skill — it’s a gift that you’re born with. You wouldn’t know it to look at her, but my wife is invisible. And invisibility isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. If she’s standing at a counter, the people behind the counter look right through her. When she attends a workshop, the presenters hand out papers to everyone but her (even if she’s jumping up and down to get their attention). I didn’t believe her when she first told me this, but it’s true. I’ve helpfully offered to paint her so that people would be more likely to notice her, but she says she’d rather be invisible. Go figure.
    .-= Steven Brewer´s last blog ..Super busy =-.

  57. I also like that I will be making cleats and winches out of drawstrings MORE than I usually do. I hope they are better sailors than copywriters! By the way, my buddy has an invisible girlfriend, either that or she refuses to meet us!
    .-= Chas Underwood III´s last blog ..#60 – Foie Gras =-.

  58. I don’t think I have ever commented (maybe I have, but I don’t think so). I noticed that you haven’t had as many comments as you normally do so I thought I would leave one. So here you go.

  59. Long ago, when I was a chubby high school teen, there were many times when I really thought I was invisible. But I can honestly say it does NOT last a lifetime, because now that I’m older and minus 20 pounds and clean up nice, I am NOT invisible even when I want to be. So that school is false advertising. I don’t know that I’d take lessons from them….unless they are free. I’d take anything if it’s free.
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..We’re All Just People, Except Kanye West =-.

  62. I don’t know about everyone else, but I think this ad is pretty effective. After I read the first sentence, I had to read the entire ad to figure out what the fuck the person was talking about.

    Now I’m considering signing up at this school just to meet the mad genius who wrote the copy. It sounds like locating him or her is going to be quite difficult on this temporal plane.
    .-= Bryan Sharp´s last blog ..Nature Accidentally Advertises To Nerds With “Spider-Man” Lizard =-.

  63. So my 16 year old son actually took up sailing this summer. I swear I haven’t seen him pull any winches or cleats out of his pj bottoms though. And I don’t think they taught him how to make himself invisable. Wait…I’ll go ask him….uh…where’d he go?!

    ♥Spot
    .-= Spot´s last blog ..Just to prove… =-.

  65. Powerful spell indeed. You’re my favorite sorceress plus, if it’s raining there like it is here (Tow, rhymes with ‘cow’, in central Texas) then nature will tend to your dishes. That makes you a Green Sorceress and anybody who’s been paying attention knows that you’re a genuine Super Mom and Sex Goddess. My mind is all gang agley at the marvel of your dazzling diversity. If you were my daughter my friends would be sick to death of your name. As it is, they just raise their eyes heavenward and sigh whenever you’re mentioned, well, those who don’t get a lecherous grin but when most of your friends are musicians you expect such things. They’re totally intimidated by women who’re their own age. It’s sad really, but that’s another story…
    .-= eldergeek´s last blog ..eldergeek: Cooked breakfast, sent a book to Oregon http://www.paperbackswap.com/ Now headed for Corpus Christi. The adventure continues… =-.

  68. I flunked out of sailing school when I kept hollering, “How do make this fucking thing turn left?!”

    Also. Invisibility. Doesn’t everybody just use a cloaking device? It worked for William Shatner.

  78. I lived with a guy who put his dirty dishes in paper grocery bags under the sink. When he ran out of clean dishes, he would drive to the beach to wash them.

  80. *Turning the boat to port or starboard is pretty good, too*

    UM……Clearly this is actually a porn ad. ‘sailing’ is obviously bondage and ‘invisibility’ is blindfolded oral.
    .-= Hay´s last blog ..Facing Facts =-.

  86. For true invisibility you need a nuclear reactor – – – – – they obviously know nothing at all.

    But as for invisibility being a skill . . . . . not really. You’re either born with it, or you aren’t.
    My cousin was invisible. No one ever saw him. I thought I did, once, but I was not sure.
    He was really good.

  89. i KNEW it. at least all this trying to be invisible stuff wasn’t a complete waste. i must not be applying myself enough. i’ll keep working on it and let you know how it goes.
    .-= Kristen´s last blog ..Thank You’s =-.

  90. Now that is a special brand of magic I can get behind. The throwing of dishes, seems like it solves to problems. First, the unsightly pile of dishes and second, the aggression I’ve been building all day. Wait, there’s a third. One more way to piss off my neighbors.
    .-= followthatdog´s last blog ..Living in the projects =-.

  93. Sailing and invisibility last a lifetime? What good is invisibility if you can’t become visible for the rest of your life? And who the fuck wants to go to a school that teaches you to strand yourself in the ocean until you die? No thank you, magic sailboat school.

  97. My husband mentioned separate bank accounts today. I was just about to poison one thing in the fridge when I happened upon this post. I think throwing the dishes in the backyard would piss my husband off more and make me feel better. Killing two birds with one stone awesome!

  100. When you throw your dishes out back, do your neighbors steal them and wash them for you? Because THAT would be a superpower!

  105. Slackers. My kids mastered invisibility years ago. All I have to screech is “Who did this?” and all 3 disappear.

  106. I put this ad in the Pirate Translator you posted awhiles back and this is what came out

    “Sailin’, like invisibility, be a skill that can last a lifetime, ‘n a jaunt on th’ Gulf be th’ perfect way to get started. Don’t be surprised if, after ye lesson, ye find yourself spendin’ afternoons wonderin’ ’bout wind direction, hoistin’ makeshift mainsails in th’ garage, ‘n pullin’ cleats ‘n winches out ‘o ye pyjama knickers’ drawstrin’ more than ye usually do. Glidin’ gracefully ‘n quietly across th’ ocean in a boat that needs no batteries, engine, or nuclear reactor be a sublime experience. Turnin’ th’ boat to port or starboard be pretty jolly, too.”

    For some reason…this unbaffles me. Maybe because if I spent conversation with a person who spoke pirate and said this to me I’d sit there with ‘Present Face’ and go…’Yeah….like, Totally…..I agree.’

  109. You have to read between the lines, Jenny. This add is just another salvo in the ancient “Pirates vs. Ninjas” war that’s been plaguing our society for generations. You see, the pirates (a.k.a. “sailing school instructors”) are trying to recruit people away from the ninja schools, where invisibility is taught in sophomore year. If freshmen can be convinced that sailing is just as valuable a skill as invisibility then maybe some of those undecideds will choose Pirate School, and the balance of power will shift in the pirates’ favour.

  114. Funny, that’s exactly what my husband says while raising his eyebrows towards the sink of dishes. I scoff at him and stay planted in the chair. The kitchen always gets cleaned … somehow.
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..When I think about … =-.

  116. It’s that bloody Harry Potter. Until the movie of the last book comes out we will all have to live with references to invisibility and wands and hexes and horcruxes and griffins and a host of other silly things.
    I guess the sailing club wanted to appear ever-so-British-upper-class-private-school, so they made the Harry Potter reference.
    Here’s my idea of sailing:
    A boat that’s so big that you can’t feel the swell. A chef. A hot tub. A crew. A helicopter. A man you walk up to and say “Take us to the Bahamas, Captain.”
    I dont care which side is port and which side is starboard.
    No room service, no deal.
    .-= ittybittycrazy´s last blog ..Couch Potato – Sick TV =-.

  119. I’ve mastered the skill of invisibility. If by skill of invisibility you mean the ability to blend into the wallpaper. I mastered it in high school.
    .-= Zoey´s last blog ..Dust Storm =-.

  120. I had to come back because of the “pulliing cleats and winches out of your pajama pants’ drawstring more than you usually do.” This suggests that I already pull cleats and winches out of my pajama pants and taking this class will make me do it more frequently. Well, Mr. Copywriter, I’ve allotted all the time I can to pulling winches out of my pajamas. 15 minutes a day. Any more than that and I get behind in my other invisible sailing duties, like hoisting my mainsail shirt and turning my computer steering wheel. You may be able to sail a real boat, but leave the imaginary sailing to the professionals. If I listen to you, I’ll never get to Unicornland.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..Killer robots: Can they get any scarier? Uh huh. =-.

  121. Personally, I think the term should be “Sauceress”. But, you know, whatever floats your plate. Though, I think you should invest in a dark mark tattoo, that way Victor can learn to fear you.

  124. OH YEAH, VICTOR??? YEAH??? MAYBE it’s YOU who doesn’t know how to apply yourself!! YEAH!! WHADDYA THINK ABOUT THAT, WISEGUY?? YEAH!! Maybe it’s YOU! ‘Cause you know… it… the…. you know…. the invisibility thing… and the whole trying…. or lack thereof…. and then…. you know…. wind direction. and dishes. And… well….

    MAYBE VICTOR’S BUTT SMELLS LIKE A FUCKING FART FACTORY WORKING OVERTIME!!! YEAH!! How ’bout THEM APPLES?? Yeah. That’s what I thought.

    And Victor? You’re so lucky you spell your name with a “C” and not a “K”. ‘Cause then I’d REALLY have to call you out.

    And watch this. After I click “Submit”? I’m going all invisibility on Victor’s smelly, fart-factory, non-applied ass.
    .-= Hercules Charnas´s last blog ..My Hippie Commie Days =-.

  128. What’s funny is that the site you link to includes more “interesting” phrasing in their sales pitches, including one or my favorites:

    “At just 28 years old, fresh-faced youngster Kenny Basil has earned an amazing distinction: the world’s youngest person to circumnavigate the globe solo who is also a doctor.”

    Who knew the globe was a doctor? And read on to learn that Basil actually _wasn’t_ a doctor, but become one after the fact…. um… yeah, right. I want to sail with you guys!
    .-= pvz´s last blog ..cry, baby, cry… =-.

  130. I’ve been working on my powers of invisibility, but I’m not quite there yet.

    I HAVE, however, been successful developing my powers of indivisibility.

    Well, except for the multiple personalities.

  132. When I think of all the hours I spent NOT practicing my invisibility based on my assumption that it was a gift reserved for the genetically mutated or delusional, only to now learn that it’s a skill and I could have been invisible when I wanted to if I’d only tried harder to perfect this skill, I want to scream.

    I can think of at least ten instances off the top of my head that I should have been invisible for: big zit at prom, cheating on geography quiz in 8th grade, losing my virginity…you get the idea.
    .-= Well Read Hostess´s last blog ..Let Them Eat Reform =-.

  133. I totally want to be invisible, so when my 3 year old is having a moment and screaming “MOMMYYYY MOMMMYYYY” for me, I can instantly go invisible and see what he *really* wants, and whether or not I actually want to be found.

    Also, levitating would save me a lot of time. I’m rather short and I always need a stool to reach anything, it’s rather annoying and time consuming. If I had to choose one, I’d probably go with levitating… but I’d rather have both, please.

    Also, I’d of thrown the dishes *at* Victor, not on the lawn. Like, the dishes I’d whip at him like a frisbee and be like, “Hey, see that? I *do* have magical powers.”
    .-= Megan Erwin´s last blog ..Pandas. =-.

  134. Jenny,
    I surely hope you’re earning a good living from this blog. You know Dooce and Mr. Dooce quit their day jobs when she had roughly this amount of traffic, this number of comments to a post.

    You’re hilarious but you scare me a little. Which makes your blog even more entertaining.

    And if you aren’t using fifties as kindling and seeing how far you can blow cocaine into the air with a single fart, you should hire someone to re-do your layout and get some ads. Or post about some cool product and pretend the product didn’t just arrive at your doorstep in a box filled with cash. Kinda like Dooce does.

    And really, my reasons for my wanting you to be rich are self serving. I want to see what happens when you have more money than you can spend. I think it would make your blog even funnier.

  135. OMG I can learn how to be invisible?! Why the fuck didn’t anyone tell me?! I place the blame for this squarely at Victor’s feet, because obviously he already knew about this and didn’t share the news. Not cool man. And nobody likes passive agressiveness, sir. If you want to tell Jenny to do the dishes, don’t raise your brows, just do them yourself. Lead by example my friend, lead by example.
    .-= Jeniel´s last blog ..Homework/My Mother-2, Mommy-0 =-.

  137. How does your blog make it past my work firewall when it won’t let perezhilton thru? Curiouser and Curiouser.

  138. The last line is priceless…..oh, and by the way, in case you didn’t know, turning a boat is pretty good, too.

  139. I’m still working on my invisibility skill. I can do it, but I have to take a lot of acid before hand.

  144. I’m just sorry they didn’t focus more on “the little man in the boat”……..

    …….you know, the one who’s invisible to all the dickheads deckhands…..

  148. I can assure you that my invisibility skills are a very hard-earned prize for years of effort. Look at how skillfully I accidentally eluded you at BlogHer! My abilities are unrivaled.

    I’m willing to teach you if you’ll share the finer points of your dishwashing technique with me.
    .-= LiteralDan´s last blog ..Huggy Bear’s House of Coffee =-.

  149. You really are like a goddamn sorceress and I worship at your feet and hope to one day be half as powerful/funny as you! And my significant other would be so awed if I ever did the dishes in any way, shape or form that she would probably worship at your feet too. You’re my hero…
    .-= dkatzazz´s last blog ..I Shouldn’t Laugh About This but… =-.

  150. I never thought I would find a blog that I liked more than my blog.

    I thought I was the best blogger ever, but I was wrong! Now I don’t know what to think…

    Right now I am experiencing a mix of amazement, delight and crushing insecurity. It’s weird. My entire identity just crumbled into a vaguely feta-like mound on my floor. I find myself wondering “who am I? Was I ever funny? How unhealthy is it to eat cheese off of a floor? What if the floor had meat juice spilled on it last week and no one ever cleaned it up?”
    .-= Allie´s last blog ..Dating For Hopeless Dummies, a Post for My 100th Follower =-.

  151. I just nominated you for a Kreativ Blogger award because of your mad skilz, and one of the rules of the nomination is you have to nominate 7 other bloggers, and the Kreativ blogger people enforce their rules. They have guns. I’m sorry I’m passing this curse onto you, but I have kids, too. Okay, I have cats, but whatever. I want to live! Okay, they’re glue guns, but I don’t want to be sticky!

  152. I don’t actually know what a cleat is, but I know I don’t want access to one in my pyjamas.

    I wish invisibility was a skill of mine, if only to liven up the ‘Other interests’ section of my CV. The tedious CV stalwarts of ‘swimming’ and ‘reading’ would pale in comparison.
    .-= Baking Mad Mama´s last blog ..Reward =-.

  154. Pingback: Other Stuff Saturday 9-26-09

  157. I mastered invisibility a long time ago… turns out the real trick is turning back to visible…. if you knew how many fucking times I’ve jabbed myself in the fucking eye brushing my teeth!
    … But what I wanna know is what the fuck are they pulling out of their pajama pants again? … Although I must point out that when your invisible you can pretty much let it all hang out… talk about Casual Fridays!

  158. Ok, seriously, I have an anatomy professor (Hey, I’m 42 and just went back to college!) who INSISTS we will be hearing about invisibility on the news very soon. I asked him if “very soon” was in biblical time or REAL time? He gave me a dirty look cuz I wasn’t taking him seriously. Really! He also says there will be an elevator to the moon IN OUR LIFETIME! I wonder how much this professor gets paid, and where they found him? Hey, as long as he can teach me anatomy, I guess it’s not up to me to care!
    .-= Leah´s last blog ..A boobie kind of blog =-.

  159. Wait, when did I EVER pull wenches out of my pajama pants?

    Oh… “winches”…

    But still…!?

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading