Baby, don’t go back.

You know that guy who sings the “Baby Come Back” song?  She should totally not come back.  Because first the guy is all “Any kind of fool could see I was wrong” but then right after that he’s all “You can blame it all on me” like he’s being so fucking noble for letting her blame him but he just said he was wrong. OF COURSE WE’LL BLAME IT ALL IN YOU.  YOU WERE WRONG, ASSHOLE.   If he truly wanted to accept responsibility then instead of saying “You can blame it all on me” he’d sing “You and everyone you’ve ever met should blame it all on my stupidity” which totally rhymes just as well, except maybe it has too many syllables.  But technically if he really wants to make amends that’s the kind of shit you have to do.  You have to write songs with too many syllables.  So basically what I’m saying is that I’d tell the girl that  Hall & Oates was singing that song to back in the 70’s to not ever go back to him.  And also to buy stock in Microsoft when it’s invented.  And not to buy the Vanilla Ice CD when it comes out even though it’s really tempting at the time because you’re going to be totally mortified 10 years later when your boyfriend finds it in your closet.

These are things I’d tell anyone dating Hall & Oates in the 70’s.

PS.  Victor says Hall & Oates didn’t sing that song and that Hall & Oates is actually two guys.   And, supposedly I also got all the words wrong in that song and so now this whole post is pointless except to allow Victor to tell me how wrong I am and to be all “Really? Are you joking or are you being serious?  Because you could not have screwed this up any more.”  And then I scoured the internet to prove him wrong but the internet is broken.  And by “broken” I mean “apparently written by Victor”.  This whole thing was like an elaborate ruse to get me to admit that I’m wrong and to delete this post.  Well, guess what?  It’s not working.

PPS.  If you came here googling “Didn’t Hall & Oates sing that Baby Come Back song?” then yes, they totally did.  The internet just said so.  In the form of me. Also, potato chips are good for you and surfing the internet cures childhood cancer.  Feel free to use that however you like.

PPPS.  Yes, I am aware of the irony of me not accepting responsibility for being wrong in a post yelling at someone who never actually wrote a song about not accepting responsibility which apparently only existed in my mind.  Also, I’m aware that it’s a little pathetic that I’ve been carrying this anger around for the last 20 years.  I blame myself Hall & Oates Victor.

PPPPS.  Remember in my last post how I said that if 9 of you would buy a James Garfield xmas card I could justify buying him and Victor would maybe stop rolling his eyes every time he walks by James Garfield?  Well, as of this moment James Garfield has sold a shit-ton cards.  I’d give you a number but I’m bad with math.  But a shit-ton = way more than 9.  Which is awesome.  And also totally overwhelming.  I will be signing holiday cards until 2014.  Also, Victor refuses to let me scream “I FUCKING TOLD YOU JAMES GARFIELD WAS THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD” without pointing out how much of a “wonder” it is that James Garfield is making more money than I am.  And then I’m all “It’s a wonder I don’t stab everyone in the face all the time”. Then Victor stops talking to me.  I think I’m going to have to go back to therapy.

Comment of the day (from Jules): You totally need to go watch Yacht Rocks on YouTube immediately. It will give you the WHOLE Hall and Oates story. Plus it’s just awesome. And made by college students who eventually got famous people to be in them. Here’s the first one:

125 replies. read them below or add one

  1. What is it with these dudes from the 70’s? I was just dissecting a Christmas song by a guy who probably should’ve come up with a stage name, because “Fogelberg”? Yeah, it sounds like a caffeinated ice berg to me. And caffeinated icebergs are fucking terrible at writing lyrics.
    .-= Kristine´s last blog ..Nothing Says Christmas like "Unfaithful Whore" =-.

  2. Could I get your therapist’s name and number? Because that whole thing made perfect sense to me, so clearly I need some fucking therapy, too.

    Thanks for the laughs … and the inferiority complex.
    .-= Daddy Scratches´s last blog ..Firestarter =-.

  3. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend re-writes the internet All. The. Time. He’s a hacker by profession so I know that he blocks all the sites that prove I’m right.

    Also? I almost feel normal in therapy. Except for the part of the session where I ask the shrink if she thinks I’m crazy and she doesn’t respond. It concerns me a tad.
    .-= DraftQueen´s last blog ..200 posts later… =-.

  4. Nah, you’re all good girl. THEY just want you to THINK you need therapy.

    Sorry about signing all those cards, maybe you could just sub-contract some Asian hookers to handle the details for you. Maybe? I’m not good with details either.

    Don’t stab anyone in the face though… Texas has an express lane on Death Row. Take a trip to California and pop him there. They don’t kill ANYONE! EVER! Unless you are a Crip or a Blood, but that’s different because those are angry young people and not the government.

    Moral of this story. Jim Garfield is awesome and is a uniter… maybe.
    .-= Houston´s last blog ..Thanksgiving Quotes =-.

  5. The fact that James Garfield is making money just by being a mounted head on a wall, with a MISSING TOOTH, definitely makes him the 8th wonder of the world. Actually, fuck that. I’m going to go ahead and say that James Garfield is one of the SEVEN wonders of the world. The pyramids have got nothin’ on James Garfield.
    .-= Erin´s last blog ..Excuse me, but can I be you for awhile? =-.

  6. Does that mean I can’t still sign up to buy a James Garfield card? Cus I was gonna give one to the Mister for Xmas (hopefully with some sort of … random or made up holiday on it) and then his family (who is from TX) would be like “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?” and I’d be like “I thought ALL the cool Tx people knew about James Garfield”.

    Actually that wouldn’t be very nice, but it would still be hilarious. And it’s best if the holiday is like “Don’t stab your relative in the eye with a fork-day”
    .-= BIRDIE´s last blog ..Links à la Stocking Stuffers! =-.

  7. The internet would be so much better if you wrote it. You could make James Garfield come up as the answer to EVERYTHING. What to get your husband for his anniversary? James Garfield.
    Who will be the new Jesus? James Garfield.
    .-= Kirsten´s last blog ..Beans Fo’ Free!! =-.

  8. Do you happen to have a stuffed beaver I could borrow? I’m thinking it’d probably do just as well as James Garfield…without the massive, freakish tusks. I’m pretty sure he’d gouge out my eyes while I sleep all, “I told you I liked the WEST FACING WALL, DUMBASS.”

    I could probably take the beaver. That flappy tail ain’t got nothin compared to my expert kickboxing skills. Not that I *know* how to kickbox, exactly, but I think I’d figure it out pretty quickly if a taxidermied beaver started attacking me.
    .-= Jessica´s last blog ..Courtyard Surprise =-.

  9. You & James Garfield: Awesome. Victor & Hall & Oates: Meh.

  10. Can I hold your hand while in therapy? Or, we can just go stab people together. I’ve been watching a SNAPPED marathon all day, in full preparation of things to avoid getting caught.
    .-= Andria´s last blog ..Christmas Card Pic FAIL =-.

  11. Therapy and Hall and Oats….I’m sorry…I just had a 70’s porn flashback….wait there’s more…be back later
    .-= mrsblogalot´s last blog ..Crazy Cuts =-.

  12. I have know idea what the hell your last ramble is about and I don’t really
    care, I just want to be your therapist.
    .-= toywithme´s last blog ..I’d Totally Hit For The Same Team If I Could Do Joan Holloway =-.

  13. You really need to start merchandising this thing, y’know. You could set up a shop on cafepress with James Garfield greeting cards, James Garfield t-shirts, James Garfield mousepads… Just think of the possibilities.
    .-= Steve´s last blog ..#107 Cash for Quacks =-.

  14. you mean it wasn’t hall and oates? really? because i would have been right there with ya’ defending that notion.

  15. You know what isn’t pointless? A throwing star.

    also something, something,, James Garfield’s Mom.
    (that joke will be hilarious once you figure out the right words, I bet)
    .-= Kurt´s last blog ..Every Rose Has It’s Thorn. Except Me. I’m Awesome And Still Totally A Thornless Rose =-.

  16. That’s bullshit! There is absolutely nothing wrong with owning the Vanilla Ice Ice Baby CD. Nothing. Just like there isn’t anything wrong with teaching your 2 year old the words to The Right Stuff by New Kids on the Block.
    Oh, oh oh oh o…
    And see you thought you were going to try and stick Baby Come Back in my head for the rest of the night. Ha!
    .-= So Not Mom-a-licious´s last blog ..Things I learned about Rain are…well it’s wet. =-.

  17. I totally had a dream about James Garfield last night. I know right? I’m totally psyched too. Anyway, he was walking around, very much alive in my backyard. What does it all mean?
    .-= Mary´s last blog ..Not Me! Monday =-.

  18. I’m sorry but the 8th wonder of the world is Hall and Oates’s mustache. Whichever one of them had it. I dunno. STOP YELLING AT ME, I’M NOT THAT SMART.
    .-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..Aunt Becky Is Annexed To Canada =-.

  19. Oates was the backbone.
    .-= BHJ´s last blog ..Sick =-.

  20. Never admit to a man that you might have been wrong. We forget these things, and then when they say, “Yeah, well name JUST ONE TIME I was wring, then we can’t because we didn’t right it down and we were dong the dishes or something useful at the time. When we do something wrong, the next time there’s a disagreement, they are sure they’re right because they remember every single time you’ve been wrong with startling accuracy.
    Did I just share too much?
    .-= Christina Bell´s last blog ..File This Under Despicable Thoughts =-.

  21. You know what else is astounding? The amount of typos in my comment. I’ve got to drink less coffee….
    .-= Christina Bell´s last blog ..File This Under Despicable Thoughts =-.

  22. Isn’t “Baby Come Back” the song that the old mop “sings” in those Swiffer commercials … or whichever new mop commercial it is? I’ve started hating that song because I hate those commercials and that mop is a loser. Hall & Oates should be embarrassed about that, whether they wrote it or not (even being mistaken for someone who wrote a stupid song is enough to be embarrassed about).

    And ditto about the merchandising idea. You’re sitting on a gold mine there, girl.

  23. Personally, I always thought that song sounded like what guys say when they’re in trouble and have no idea why. “Um, sure, I was wrong! You can blame it all on me! Of course you don’t look fat in that! When is our anniversary again?”
    .-= Jason Jones´s last blog ..You Klingon Bastard =-.

  24. Baby Come Back. From Player, which was perfect for 7 minutes in heaven. If Heaven is a closet that makes you all spitty. And I’ve heard that it is.
    .-= Deb´s last blog ..Free Advice for Tiger =-.

  25. Actually, the Astrodome is the 8th Wonder of the World. Which would make James Garfield the 9th. Just saying.

    ~EdT.
    .-= EdT.´s last blog ..The bigger, they come, the harder they fall… DonKEH! =-.

  26. WTF? You’ve not finished my card yet???
    .-= tokenblogger´s last blog ..If I haven’t yet… =-.

  27. Or how about “It was all my fault”? That’s better than discussing where the blame should fall or who should do the blaming. Let’s send Hall & Oates an email and tell him he should totally perform it that way at his next concert.
    .-= Swistle´s last blog ..Won’t Someone PLEASE Focus on the CHILDREN! =-.

  28. You’re actually right, it’s just that James Garfield stayed up all night rewriting the internet to the wrong way, because he’s in cahoots with Victor. They planned this whole thing. Careful with those two.
    .-= juliejulie´s last blog ..My Amazing Finger =-.

  29. One of my favorite Simpsons episodes EVER is when Homer loses baby Maggie. He calls some crisis hotline to find her, but he’s put on hold, and “Baby Come Back” is the muzak, which makes him cry. That’s the only time that song was worth hearing. Tell Victor that.

    By the way, Kirsten, WWJGD?

    Feel free to make WWJGD? into bumper stickers, Jenny. I won’t ask for any split on the enormous profit you’ll make.
    .-= Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Gray and Anatomy =-.

  30. Victor is just mad he was wrong about James Garfield. Later, he’ll probably say something like “Fine, blame it all on me,” like he’s being sooo nice to take the blame. But, in all actuality, HE WAS TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT JAMES GARFIELD!
    .-= mommica´s last blog ..An open letter to my family =-.

  31. You said Hall & Oates. Now I’m going to need one of the discarded mops from those annoying commercials to clean up the puddle of happiness I just left on the floor.
    .-= Elly Lou´s last blog ..Poconos (Part Two) =-.

  32. I think the root of the problem is that Victor is jealous because he sees that James Garfield has the potential to make more money than HE does. But I have a solution to that problem.

    Victor needs to start a band with Oates, Garfunkel, and the Other Guy from Wham!. I’d totally pay to see that.
    .-= Robynn´s last blog ..Note to Self 2 =-.

  33. My God, woman! How have you survived this long? Make everyone send you a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Make Victor go get you one of those black ink pad thingies… you know the ones I’m talking about… they’re usually a flat tin box with an ink saturated spongey or clothy thingy. Now, press this against James Garfields nose, gently, so as not to squish ink all over the damn place and down your arm and in your eyes (I’m assuming he’s hung prominently, up high somewhere)(actually, I guess you got the wrong end for “hung prominently”)………….Sorry, I was picturing something; where the hell was I? Oh, yeah. Now, while James’s nose is still wet, take a card and press it against his nose like if you were sending your kid’s footprint or your cat’s pawprint, and, VEE-O-LAH! instant Christmas card signed by none other than James, himself.
    .-= mrsbitch´s last blog ..Did you think he was lying when you voted for him? =-.

  34. I would love a James Garfield card but it has to be one that is all decorated like some sort of Lord of the Flies Christmas. That would be awesome. Because Christmas is sort of like Lord of the Flies, isn’t it?
    .-= melistress´s last blog ..Grace in Small Things =-.

  35. By the way. Jim doesn’t mind me calling him Jim does he. I mean James sounds so formal and all.

    Fine. He can kiss my butt then.
    .-= Houston´s last blog ..Thanksgiving Quotes =-.

  36. Victor is just bitter. He doesn’t want to admit that James Garfield is awesome and that he has fans around the world and Victor doesn’t. That’s what all this is really about. Victor is JEALOUS of James Garfield!
    .-= LB @Wait, She Said What?´s last blog ..You ask, I answer. Plus a brand new blog layout! =-.

  37. OK, then who wrote it? Because I’m reading this post, going yeah! Hall and Oates, and then you said it wasn’t. And really, I’m old enough to be your Mom, so I should know, but then again 70’s, Woodstock, you get the drift. James Garfield is fantastic and I do think you should market James Garfield stuff. At first people will be WTF? and only your true fans will be in on it. Pretty soon you could become a bigger world phenom. My daughter and I constantly call each other or e-mail (if we are at work) to discuss your blog. Love you Jenny! (and your commenters – they are the funniest ever!)

  38. I know you don’t want to hear this but one of the guys who sang the song (neither Hall nor Oates) is on The Bold & The Beautiful–Ron Moss. Maybe his time (a long, long time) on the show is penance for the damn song.
    .-= Masked Mom´s last blog ..Drum Roll Please =-.

  39. Virgin commenter here, Bloggess. So, first let me say how much I freakin’ adore you, like…a lot.

    I have actually met Hall and Oates, at, believe it or not, an AIG convention. My husband is one of the greed-meisters of the insurance world and so we used to go on many a splurge-filled vacation thanks to those funsters of AIG. AIG always made sure they had some old 70’s band there for our concert entertainment and since most of the peeps at insurance conventions are like 80, no one knew that the front of the stage was the freakin’ mosh pit. We were up front and personal and afterwards they stuck around to talk to us and I have to say that Oates Dude is by far, the shortest person I’ve ever met. Like when he came on stage I wasn’t sure if it was a gag, like maybe they’d hired an Oopma Loompa or something, you know, for a laugh.
    That’s all I have to say. Just mainly, I think you’re the most brilliant blogger everrrr.

  40. “Baby Come Back” has Hall & Oates written all OVER it. James Garfield, Jr. would totally agree. He’d never allow Baby to come back to that fool or fools or whatever.
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..My True Gang Affiliation =-.

  41. Masked Mom is right, “Baby Come Back” is by Player, and Ron Moss who plays Ridge on Bold & The Beautiful was the bassist in that group. Which I know because I used to watch all the CBS Soaps and subscribe to Soap Opera Digest so I could read up on all the juicy gossip about all the actors on the CBS Soaps. I can’t believe I just admitted that.

    Also, I think someone from the site Passive Aggressive Notes reads your blog. Read the first sentence of this post – http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2009/12/01/what-say-you-emily-post/

    Douchecanoe!

  42. First, I’m pretty sure you could automatically be rich selling shit you make (or don’t make, wink-wink, nod-nod. I have Chinese contacts. Sort of. What I’m saying is, I know where China is. Mostly. Call me.) Also, Victor is putting some really fucked up shit out there. That one site where the guy is getting his balls stomped on by the chick with high heels is not cool. Please ask him to take that down. But the rest of the stuff is awesome.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..UPDATED: Despite their love of Hasselhoff, the Germans aren’t so bad =-.

  43. I think you were totally right about the song lyrics and Hall & Oats–in spirit. And everyone knows being right in spirit is superior to being right in any other way. You might be technically wrong, but technically right and wrong is for tiny-brained people incapable of deep, intellectual meaningful thought.
    .-= vakadesign´s last blog ..Pink Tourmaline Pendant – $350.00 =-.

  44. I used to have a Hall & Oats cassette when I was a kid.

    I wore it out pretending I was the cool one with the mustache, even though I looked more like the blond one.

    Although, maybe I’m thinking of Brooks & Dunn.

    The cassette was definitely Hall & Oats. The mustache part is questionable.

    P.S. Stop by and say Hi when you get time.
    .-= Ed Adams´s last blog ..How Victoria’s Secret Stole all my money…….. =-.

  45. You know that commercial where the mariachi band plays baby come back and the mop sticks its head out from behind the tree and looks all sad because the mean lady dumped him for a nifty little swiffer? I fucking hate that commercial. Its mysogynistic and racist and SO GODDAMN CATCHY! I always end up getting the mariachi verson stuck in my head. Damn Hall & Oates for every DREAMING of that song! Now its stuck AGAIN! arrrghghghhgh

  46. You’re telling me that a head on the wall, let alone one with a missing TOOTH, is making more money than me? I may as well throw in the towel now and just pick up my torn up jeans and flannel shirt and standard-issue tin cup and be doomed to life of hobodom. I’m sure I could grow a pretty good hobo beard by Christmas.
    .-= Rook Ie´s last blog ..No one can say Disney doesn’t understand racial relations. Or everyone could say that. =-.

  47. James Garfield is the new Chuck Norris..wait…Chuck Norris had a child with Jackie Chan and the spawn = James Garfield right???

    Therapy is a great idea..just go and fuck with their heads!! Happy couch lying!!

  48. You should just legally change your name to “The Internet”.

    I wonder if anyone’s actually done that….

    Wait…I totally call dibs.
    .-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..Top Chef Recap: Finale Part One =-.

  49. Hell, if you really wanted to make some money (and finally break into that life of prostitution you’ve always dreamed of (well at least since you didn’t make it on that first try) I’d give you $10 to leave a comment of my xanga blog. There’s your money stream right there, click, they PayPal you money, click you whore yourself out to leave a comment on their blog, everybody leans back and smokes a cigarette. I’m telling you, I’ve shit golden goose eggs my entire life and you could make a lotta money here with one button on your blog.

    Think of it as making money selling autographs.
    .-= Sharkey!´s last blog .. =-.

  50. Glad you sold a shit load of cards. Can I still purchase one? lol
    .-= Delisha´s last blog ..Quote of The Day =-.

  51. Save your money. I’ve had tons of it therapy, and everything you said makes perfect sense to me, so either we are the only two really sane people in the world, or it’s going to take way more therapy than either of us can afford.
    .-= Twitter Fail´s last blog ..How to look like a dork on twitter in two words =-.

  52. …..How much loot would you rake in if you sold J.G. Christmas cards on Ebay?

    …Can you say “Goodbye, mortgage”? :D
    And have enough moolah left over for a college fund, and a trip to DisneyWorldLand also!
    Lastly: I’m thinking the therapy would be a waste of time- you’re just fine the way you are. =)

  53. WWJGD . . . OH! THAT is great! I’m loving that.

    And LORD OF THE FLIES? How can I possibly make a witty/pithy/brilliant comment when I have to follow witty/pithy/brilliant material like this? Not only do you OUT BLOG me, Dear Bloggess, but your readers OUT COMMENT me. Which is not the same as being out-ed.

    I always got Hall & Oates mixed up with Seals & Crofts. So now we can all hum “Summer Breeze” for a while instead of “Baby Come Back.”
    .-= TheExpatresse´s last blog ..Love This Site =-.

  54. Until I saw the album cover in my friend’s dorm room, I thought the name of the group was Haulin’ Oats. Country rock, with a truck drivin’ slant, I figured.

  55. I believe that Baby Come Back was actually written when Hall lost his dog named Baby. Now the song makes a lot more sense, huh?
    .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Friday night traditions =-.

  56. You totally need to go watch Yacht Rocks on YouTube immediately. It will give you the WHOLE Hall and Oates story. Plus it’s just awesome. And made by college students who eventually got famous people to be in them. Here’s the first one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMTI8vg7A5U

    P.S. Your advise is GOLD!! I probably wouldn’t have listened and STILL would have bought ‘Ice Ice Baby’ but now I know I shouldn’t have.

  57. Man, here I was all ready to be like “yeah, that song is by The Ohio Players, I don’t need no Google to tell me that.” and then I read the comments and, WTF? It’s NOT? Who the hell is Player? I swear it was the Ohio Players. I don’t forget stuff like that. http://www.justsomelyrics.com/1732282/The-Ohio-Players-Baby-Come-Back-Lyrics
    .-= SupaCoo´s last blog ..It’s December 1, what are YOU doing here? =-.

  58. You don’t need to explain yourself to me. I TOTALLY get it.

  59. Forget writing a book. You could make plenty of money by opening a Cafepress shop selling Bloggess images and quotes! Cards, stickers, T-shirts, mugs etc. with your and J.G.’s image on them! I bet hundreds of people would buy them! Definitely dozens anyway. I’d be in for one! :)

  60. I love Baby Come Back. I know all the words and sing it all the time, which then makes me look incredibly pathetic because by the 8th or 9th time, people want to say, “hey, doll, he’s not coming back.”

    So from now on, when people ask me why I sing the song, I’ll tell them that it reminds me about this brilliant blog post that I read on the internet. Then when I show this to them, and all the normal people who don’t understand this read it, they will just think I am crazy, which is better than being crazy over some imaginary song dude.

  61. Could you please sign my card before 2014?
    .-= Eric´s last blog ..Snow Please =-.

  62. 62
    aunt buckethead

    Normally this is where I would weigh in with some bit of rapier sharp wit, but it dawned on me as I was reading this that the person who would be laughing the most here is Anissa. So, just a thought: Maybe James Garfield is here for her. Perhaps a James Garfield Fund for Anissa. Higher powers have moved in much more mysterious ways…

  63. You know what’s really sad. I actually not only knew that Player sang that song, but for some reason, I know that the dark haired guy who is all cheekbones from Bold and Beautiful was in that band. That’s particularly pathetic because I’ve never actually watched Bold and Beautiful (I guess it would be even more pathetic if I DID watch Bold and Beautiful – is that show still on??), but I’m just knowledgeable that way… except that I can’t seem to remember how to spell knowledgeable… it just doesn’t look right!! So, I’m good with useless knowledge, not so good with useful spelling!

  64. Hall & Oates sings “Baby come back,” Travis Tritt sings “Trashy Women” song and Santa shimmies the chimney of every child in the word. All true.
    .-= katie´s last blog ..Boxers? Nope. This one is briefs. =-.

  65. Whenever I see that dumb ass commercial with the mop and the “Baby Come Back” song, I feel sorry for the mop and I want to date him….I’ve totally hit rock bottom, haven’t I?
    .-= dubiousma´s last blog ..Top 5 Christmas Gifts I’ll Never Buy….And I Better Never Receive =-.

  66. Dude, do you have a P.O. Box? Tell all the folks who want a James Garfield card to send their cash and an SASE to you there. Make it eas(ier) on yourself. It’s the holidays.
    .-= Edgy Mama´s last blog ..Weekly parent: surviving hols with kids and sanity intact plus Brews News from far Western N.C. =-.

  67. Frankly, I don’t think she should go back because that song kinda makes me want to, well, stab everyone in the face all the time. If you are going to write an apology song, it should not meet the criteria for being piped into elevators of department store dressing rooms. That doesn’t say I’m sorry, that says change your name and get a restraining order and your life will be greatly improved.
    .-= Dani´s last blog ..Of course santa is a scenester, have you seen that beard?… =-.

  68. According to several dubious internet sources, Hall & Oates did a cover of “Baby Come Back”, which is pretty much the same as writing it. And since I’m also pretty sure that ‘dubious’ means something along the lines of ‘all-knowing’, so you could totally throw that in Victor’s face. Clearly, he missed a few when he re-wrote the internet.

  69. Oh…I always thought they were called “Hauling Oats”…so now songs like “Everytime You’re Going Gray and “I Can’t Go, Noooo No Can Do” and “Did it in a Minute” and “Out of Touch” just don’t make sense anymore
    .-= XUP´s last blog ..A Boob-Related Post =-.

  70. “Baby Come Back”, by a group called “Player”…my, my, my isn’t THAT ironic – maybe not as much as 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife, but definitely ironic.

  71. Ha! You sold an assload of cards? I TOLD you that James Garfield would make you rich! Which tells you 2 things:

    1. JG is a righteous dude.
    2. I can predict the future.
    3. I’m being a pompous ass right now.
    4. I can’t count.
    .-= Monkey Kurt´s last blog ..Scary Rosie =-.

  72. James Garfield Christmas cards:

    ..cuz nothing says ‘Merry Christmas’ like a beheaded warthog.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Social Ostracism 101, Soccer Style – Part Three =-.

  73. I totally want a sparkly vest now. Christmas is ruined. Or saved.
    .-= harmzie´s last blog ..(I Had a Fabulous, Witty Title but I Forgot It) =-.

  74. I bet they give you the good kind of medicine at therapy. Maybe we can meet for a group therapy session. We could stab others in the face.
    BTW You used way to much PPPP in the PS’s . Just saying.
    And I loved this post. The anger. Beautiful.
    .-= mepsipax´s last blog ..Holy Fucking Frozen Friday. =-.

  75. If you go back to therapy Hall and Oats will become Wang Chung. Talk about an elaborate ruse.
    .-= Reverend Louis Wrenchlock IV´s last blog ..Show Biz Outer Monologue =-.

  76. Thank baby Jesus that there is no such thing as a “Shameful Memory Closet.” Because I know, just KNOW, that one day my husband would be digging around in there, la-dee-dah, looking for an innocent “First Kiss” or “Most Noxious Foof”memory, when what should fall upon his head but my memories of seeing Vanilla Ice’s “Cool As Ice” not only once, but twice, in the theater. Oh, the horror.

  77. You weren’t wrong, you are actually just being very smart and analytical. Check this from Wikipedia about “Baby Come Back”: “The song, whose key and structure are reminiscent of Hall & Oates’ “She’s Gone”,

    Wait. YOU added that to the Wiki page, huh?

  78. Stop watching so many Swiffer commercials. It’s like that’s you looking all smug with your swiffer (James Garfield) inside the house and the old mop (Victor) is like hiding behind a tree thinking how he’s going to accidentally break the swiffer when you’re not paying attention. Kinda like the mom in A Christmas Story and the leg lamp.

  79. Ma’am,

    Do you remember your post where you told your loving audience to type “why” into the Google machine?

    You should type “average” into that fancy Google Machine.

    Typical. Totally Typical.

    All the Best,
    Kate

  80. 80
    Kevin MacNutt

    Geez, this was the sort of music punk was rebelling against in the 70’s. I think Player, Hall and Oates and that guy who sang that damn song about Pina Colada’s are the same damn person. What is the deal with that Pina Colada song after all? Most people think it is romantic that the couple found each other together again after answering personal ads, but the underlying idea was they wanted to get away from each other. If they wanted to get away from each other, why were they so pleased when they found each other after preparing for a new life with a new person from the personal ad. Shouldn’t there have been a line something like “oh my God, it’s you. I must be stuck in the 12th ring of hell or something”. I would have also suspected that if they were unhappy enough to have answered some personal ad that when they met, instead of rekindling a smoldered flame, they would be in couples therapy for years trying to overcome that incident. What do you expect from a guy named Rupert.

  81. –>I’m glad James Garfield is paying for himself And Then Some!

    @debthaxton
    .-= WebSavyMom.com´s last blog ..Flashback Friday (Part 40) – What Are You Going To Do Next? =-.

  82. Jenny, you TOTALLY need to point out to Victor (which BTW is the most BADASSED name possible) that James Garfield didn’t make a DIME on his own. It is through TEAMWORK that you and James together made all that money. So you should really point out that neither you nor James Garfield is as good at making money as BOTH of you are.

    So you totally win. Well… you and James Garfield together totally win.

  83. People used to think my dad was one of the dudes from Hall & Oates – the one with the curly hair. Does the name matter? When I was six years old he took me to a Sean Cassidy concert, and a bunch of people gathered around yelling, “you’re that guy from Hall & Oates, can I have your autograph?!”, and he was like, “sure”. The point is, even the Hall & Oates fans don’t know the difference. And I hate my dad for making me think he was famous, and also for ruining my life.
    .-= Simone´s last blog ..An open letter from Simone Says founder Simone DeBlasio =-.

  84. I love that Victor, but dang he annoys me. Just sayin.

    Lee
    .-= LeeChrista´s last blog ..Pictures With The Cast Of Glee! =-.

  85. I think that there is a reason that Victor is named Victor. … just sayin’ ….

    that said, I hate H&O. I remember ripping into one of my colleagues at the famed Austin’s Greek Pizzeria way back in the day and telling her that they were so, so, how can you say, not cool. Of course, me being cool had the authority to say such things.

    Because I lived in Austin. And I hung out with punk rockers. Let’s just forget I was working for minimum wage at a pizza shop.
    .-= Lihsa´s last blog ..Fishing the Social Media Ocean =-.

  86. Potato chips are good for me. That’s good news, because I just ate a whole bag of Sun Chips, and I was trying to justify eating a second.
    .-= Hippo Brigade´s last blog ..Next time you see me at Target you should probably push your cart the other direction because I might verbally assail you, and when I’m done, I’ll make you buy all my stuff. =-.

  87. I totally thought those were the words, too. You wrote them and I heard them in my head. And great job with the revisionist history because when you said Hall & Oates I was like “huh. I didn’t know they sang that song… file it away for the next time I watch Jeopardy and the question is “This duo sang together in the 70’s and had hits like Baby Come Back and I Can’t Go For That.” Which I’d totally know the answer because of I Can’t Go For That, but having Baby Come Back as a fall back song would have been great. Now I have to act like I didn’t read your post because Hall & Oates will now forever be associated with Baby Come Back for me. When I lose $11000 on Jeopardy because I bet it all in the Daily Double… yeah, watch your back.
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..A very difficult decision… =-.

  88. so how much for a card that says “I FUCKING TOLD YOU JAMES GARFIELD WAS THE 8TH WONDER OF THE WORLD”? ’cause I totally want one.
    .-= Stephen´s last blog ..IR illuminator =-.

  89. NEVER admit when you are wrong.

    It’s the adamance that changes the rule book.

    x
    .-= teenagegeek´s last blog ..#5 =-.

  90. But… but… but the internet just told me that you were right! It said Hall & Oats did a cover of that song, so they DID sing it! AND the words you wrote are right, although maybe the lines were in the other order. Either way, my internet totally agreed with you. Does Victor have a different internet?
    .-= caramama´s last blog ..The Naming of Toys =-.

  91. There are a lot of things in my closet from 10 years ago (and present day) that mortify me. Amazingly Ice Ice Baby is not one of those Items.
    .-= Erika from The Pastry Chef At Home´s last blog ..The Pastry Chef Wants Her Full English Breakfast Please. =-.

  92. Go BACK to therapy????? Does that mean you actually went to therapy in the past? Just think of the money you could make selling the therapist’s notebook?
    .-= William´s last blog ..Daniel-san =-.

  93. And now I feel the need to write lyrics to Jenny Go Back (to therapy).
    .-= William´s last blog ..Daniel-san =-.

  94. OMG. LOL LOL LOL Please stop! I can’t breathe I’m laughing so hard.
    .-= Jane´s last blog ..An Early Christmas Present For All My Scrooge Friends Out There =-.

  95. Yeah to James Garfield. Don’t cry my little bloggess. You know the Aesop’s fable about the Fox and the Lion? In this case, you are totally the lion and James Garfield is the fox.

    I can never remember who sings what when. So your answer is as good as anybody’s. You should go edit the Hall & Oates wiki page and add this song to the list of songs on there. Speaking of Hall & Oates. I can never remember which has the mustache either till I watched J-stache:

    .-= submom´s last blog ..“We have nothing to fear from love and commitment” =-.

  96. Maybe stop blaming Victor and take responsibility for your own life. Maybe that’s what you’re really trying to say. Maybe it’s time to write that book that you’ve been talking about?
    Sarcasm is great, but it will only take you so far.
    .-= Eva Kowalski´s last blog ..POST KATRINA =-.

  97. I blame Hall and Oates for Vanilla Ice.
    .-= tattytiara´s last blog ..If I don’t use this font to write the title I won’t win the Superbowl. =-.

  98. I just zoned out listening to Baby Come Back; man, I do appreciate that Vanilla Ice guy. “Baby come back… dun dun duhduh dun dun dun…”

  99. Excerpt from Wikipedia:
    1975–1977: First Hits

    Hall & Oates left their first record company Atlantic Records after the release of War Babies to join their second record company RCA. Their first album for the new label Daryl Hall & John Oates (often referred to by their fans as the silver album because of the silver lamé material on the original album cover) was their first legitimate success. It contained the ballad “Sara Smile,” a song Hall wrote for his aforementioned girlfriend Sara Allen. It also featured an album cover in which Daryl and John are overly made up with make-up to the point where they (especially the then-long-haired Hall) looked like women. Hall would later say in an interview for VH1’s Behind the Music that he looked like “the girl I always wanted to go out with” on that album cover.
    “Sara Smile” became their first Top 10 hit, reaching Number 4 on the chart in June 1976. “She’s Gone,” re-released by Atlantic Records after “Sara Smile” also went to the Top 10, reached Number 7 in October 1976. Hall & Oates followed those hits with the more pop-oriented Bigger Than Both of Us later that year. Though the first single from the album—the Philly soul-oriented ballad “Do What You Want, Be What You Are”—barely made the Top 40, their second single was a smash. The song “Rich Girl” was Hall & Oates’ first Number 1 hit, reaching the pinnacle on March 26, 1977. “Baby Come Back” became really popular after @TheBloggess made a post about it on her blog; to this day it is one of Hall & Oates’ most popular songs.

  100. and..

    Bibliography

    Laura Fissinger, Hall & Oates (Mankato: Creative Education, 1983).
    Brad Gooch, Hall & Oates: Their Lives and Their Music (1985).
    Nick Tosches, Dangerous Dances: The Authorized Biography (New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1984).
    The Bloggess, “Baby Don’t Come Back” (Like Mother Teresa: Only Better, 2009)

    Ok, I’m done now.. :P

  101. My comment is still awaiting moderation. How many pills are you popping? Come on, let’s be civil. I’m entitled to an opinion.
    .-= Eva Kowalski´s last blog ..POST KATRINA =-.

  102. Are you going to kill me? Or are you going to get your ass into gear and write that “Fucking book? We’re waiting.
    .-= Eva Kowalski´s last blog ..POST KATRINA =-.

  103. In high school my friends went to Taco Bell and asked for a shit-load of sauce. They got 23. That means a shit-load = 23. I think a shit-ton is at least twice that.

    LONG LIVE JAMES GARFIELD!!!

  104. I got my medical degree on google. I hope that information on the world wide web hasn’t been altered by some hacker. Or my DIY home surgery evening classes that I conduct in my home are going to get me sued.
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..When the Certified Letter Comes I’ll Stamp Deceased on it and Return It =-.

  105. So, I totally said the other day that “it’s a miracle I haven’t killed more people”. I feel like we’re completely on the same page sometimes.
    .-= Kendahl´s last blog ..Wowweee!!! =-.

  106. And I thought Baby Come Back was released in the 60’s. Now I feel old. Older. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5AcigKiu_Gk
    .-= Mr Farty´s last blog ..Queen Faces Sacking =-.

  107. you rock. again. blog on!
    .-= lydee´s last blog ..Fall, Stall Here at Our House =-.

  108. 109
    residuetiger

    OK, I’m going to live dangerously and play devil’s advocate here. Now it seems–I’m just sayin–that Victor has had some decent points in the past, and maybe he’s not as perpetually wrong as you think he is. Maybe you could try being more open to his interpretation of things, ya know? It could totally redefine your relationship AND Victor might even come to think more highly of James Garfield when he sees how flexible you’ve become! What do you think?

  109. Thanx a friggin lot, bloggess. I’ve now had that damn stuck in my head for like 2 days. If it goes into 3 days, I’m coming after you.

  110. Some poor third grader is going to stumble upon this site when he’s trying to do research on his report for James Garfield and will be forever damaged by the experience.
    .-= christine @ the dishy´s last blog ..Daily Dish: So I Thought I Could Dance =-.

  111. Wait. Hall&Oates is from the 70s? I thought that was the 80s. The 70s were cool, I thought.

  112. Back in the late 80’s when horsedrawn carriages were all the rage. I dated a guy who looked like Vanilla Ice. And THAT is something I would tell my self not to ever do, if I could. I feel dirty. I am going to take a shower now.
    .-= A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..A Rose by Any Other Name Would Still Be A Strip Bar =-.

  113. The mustache-guy from Hall&Oates has the same birthday as me—-except he’s older…..does that give him some redeeming value?
    .-= Paula´s last blog ..Monster-free Cabinetry: Priceless =-.

  114. Speaking of songs, how about Bohemian Rhapsody? What’s your take on that? If it’s negative… or, if it’s positive… or, well, really if you have an opinion at all AND had a childhood (which involved the Muppets), then you should deffinately check out this YouTube video.

  115. My best friend dated Hall when she was, like, 20 yrs old and he was married. Or dating someone else. Or something. When she found out, she didn’t got back.
    .-= Memoirgirl´s last blog ..What is Up With Me, Part 3 =-.

  116. Dearest Jenny,
    so the semester is coming to an end and finals and paper deadlines are looming. can you please update every two seconds so i can laugh my ass off and not think about how i want to die so much? thanks.

    ps. if it helps, know that you would be contributing to my oh so wonderful paper on domestic abuse in disney and twilight.

  117. Once I took my Mom to see Hall & Oates at Old Town Spring — but that was in the late 80s or early 90s. That’s what they’d been reduced to…playing in the rain and lightening for people stuffing their faces with Wunsche Bros. sauerkraut balls.

    But all I remember them singing was “I Can’t Go for That” (No Can Do)
    .-= WineWonkette´s last blog ..Qué Syrah and Pinot Noir! Olson Ogden Wines =-.

  118. I WANT A HOLIDAY CARD, PLEASE AND THANK YOU. AND BYE.

  119. […] So yesterday I felt myself falling into the hole again which sucks because I usually only have depressive episodes a few times a year and I just got over the last one so I decided to plan a scheduled, elegant mental breakdown which would be set to music.  (90’s Tori Amos for the downward spiral, Nina Simone and Regina Spektor for rock bottom and Amanda Palmer if I recovered.  If I didn’t recover I’d move to The Mountain Goats until something snaps.)  But then I didn’t even have to do that because this morning I woke up to find that I had forever changed the landscape of pop culture.  In the form of being mentioned on the Wikipedia bibliography for Hall & Oates.  It’s probably as close as I’ll ever get to a gold statue of me in the middle of the city park and so I’ve decided to postpone my breakdown until at least tomorrow and instead celebrate this moment of permanence, when my name is written forever in the books of life.  For angrily misquoting a band that wasn’t actually Hall & Oats at all. […]

  120. I will admit I didn’t read this whole thing because the ADD is in high gear and I have the attention span of something that has a very short attention span, and I was also in a manic hurry to tell you that I fully support the analysis of lyrics in general and those of late-70s to mid-80s light rock favorites in particular. And this is only partially based on the fact that I have posts about Ambrosia AND England Dan and John Ford Coley on my blog (kind of accidentally, as is everything on the damned blog, really) And that the Ambrosia post is probably my post with the highest traffic, if I were to actually count, because people are always with the Googling of “Ambrosia you’re biggest part of me?” And this is a constant source of weird blog comfort to me.

    Is it an asshole move to link to the post? Because I kind of want to now.

    I just really had to get that out. I think you understand why.
    .-= Laurie´s last blog ..Walking in Charleston. =-.

  121. So I just checked my mail box and I got a surprise Christmas card from you. My friend paid you off to make my day, and she succeeded. The point of the story is that when I opened it, I ehibitrd an uncharacteristically girlish scream, at which point my father looked at me with a WTF?! face. He then questioned who was sending cards from Texas–I assured him it wasn’t a creepy pedofile–and suggested I find new idols to look up to.

    But that doesn’t matter. Thank you so much for the card! Have a Merry Christmas and long live the Irrepressible James Garfield.

  122. […] stop glaring at me every time he looked at James Garfield and then so many people bought them that James Garfield made more than I did that month than I did, although he did inadvertently cause an international financial crisis which made a several […]

  123. […] years ago, an adorable man (and dedicated reader) bought a James Garfield holiday card for a beautiful woman (also a long-time reader) with the express intent of catching her attention. […]

  124. Guys, (sigh), you’re misunderstanding Disco, which also coincided with early Punk and New Wave. Yes, there was an enormous amount of Pop Shit at the time – there still is. But Disco was all about daaaaaanncing! I’m a Boomer, okay I’m diseased but I had so much fun dancing. it was somewhat like going back to the Lyndey and the Jitterbug (just look it up) in the ’50s. Really physical dancing. You just swooned with your partner instead of the crappy let’s-just-jerk-around-spasmodically-separatley-and-pretend-we-are-enjoying-ourselves from the ’60s. So we also enjoyed Donna Summers and The Clash at the same time. Wow, it was so much fucking fun. And the B-52s and The Cure. Please stop talking about Hall of Oats – boooorrrring.

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