I didn’t even know people still used America Online. Except for my grampa. He fucking loves it. He also might be one of the people yelling at me. True story.

It’s Sunday, which means it’s time for my weekly wrap-up but instead of the usual “shit-I-did-this-week-when-I-wasn’t-here” banner I’m going to share a picture of an actual sign in my neighborhood because how-did-someone-not-catch-this?:

You can't always trust spell-check, people.

    This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche canoe):

    This week on the internets:

    • I don’t even know where to start with this.  I wrote a piece here called “Dear Dr. Pepper:  You’re a damn liar” and it somehow got picked up as a serious news story and I was flooded with confused commenters who were both very angry and inadvertently hysterical but then it kept getting picked up by more serious news channels and so I finally felt bad for all the people who were yelling at me for not understanding how Dr. Pepper works so I added an update explaining to people that the post was satirical and I thought that would clear shit up but it didn’t because turns out I can’t cure stupid people.   But it didn’t actually bother me because it’s kind of hilarious when people take me seriously because it’s sort of a practical joke on the world so I thought, “Meh. This’ll blow over by tomorrow.”  And then AOL POSTED IT AS A LEAD NEWS STORY:
    • This link leads to a story entitled "Diet Dr. Pepper Confusing Consumers" which listed me as the head of the confused-by-soda group. Awesome. This story was replaced on AOL many hours later by an equally compelling story:"Why Cat Can't Get Out of Jury Duty". None of this is a joke. For real, y'all. That happened. That's what makes it all so fucking hysterical and also a little bit sad.

    This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

    This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

    Comment of the day: My dad still uses AOL. Like the whole software and everything. And he wonders why his computer is slow?  Dad, it’s probably because T-Rex called and wants his chat rooms back. ~ Stephanie L

    69 replies. read them below or add one

    1. I would totally pay two dollars if, say, Celine Dion would sing like that sign.
      .-= Magnetic Lobster´s last blog ..Tide Point =-.

    2. Come on you gotta feel a little chuffed you caused US wide Dr Pepper confusion and it got on AOL!!!
      .-= Lisa´s last blog ..Photo of the Day No.16 – RED! =-.

    3. I need some sings, I think I will call them. Thanks for the heads up.
      .-= Carolyn´s last blog ..I am still at Ocean Isle Inn =-.

    4. I think you’ll find that AOL is the market leader in such cutting journalism, so you should be proud.
      .-= devolute´s last blog ..Parks and Recreation is the Wu-Tang of Comedy =-.

    5. My dad still uses AOL. Though he does not drink diet Dr. Pepper. He’s also 76 years old, so maybe AOL has become the meeting place for the elderly.
      .-= C @ Kid Things´s last blog ..Puberty Revisited =-.

    6. I dunno. It wasn’t a singing sign?
      .-= magpie´s last blog ..Haiti / Heavy Heart =-.

    7. It caught your attention and now it’s on your blog. Maybe the typo was intentional.

    8. I still use AOL as my email address and when I tell people my email address they stop and second and look at me and then I hang my head a little. I SWEAR I don’t read any of the actual links on AOL…I just use the email, because I had it for like 15 years…it’s free….why am I telling you all this….DON’T JUST ME and your grandfather wtf…you’ll be over 50 someday…yeah I’ll be dead and shit, but still you’ll be over 50.

    9. You are hilarious! My grandfather uses AOL and he is constantly sending me articles he sees on there. I would have laughed so hard if he had sent me that.

      Here’s to singing signs!

    10. Jenny the Bloggess: Confused By Soda is an EXcellent book title.

    11. you know the funny thing is, when I saw that photo I read it as “signs $2, t-shits 5$”
      And I was like..wtf?! What the hell is a t-shit? And then I read it again, realized it said t-shiRts and then noticed that the first part actually didn’t say signs at all, but Sings. And then I was even more confused!
      So I sat there staring at the photo utterly confused until I remembered how to spell Signs. and then it all made sense. And then I laughed. Not only at their mistake but also at my slow stupidity.

      God help me for being slow.
      .-= Rebekah Mae´s last blog ..TCC From here go Anywhere (prt, like 5?) =-.

    12. I want to be able to sing like that as well. Because apparently my singing is pretty ordinary and for $2 its a bargain. We don’t have Dr Pepper here so I am immune to soda confusion.Stupid people don’t know that they are stupid, that is why you cant cure them because they think they are perfectly all right.
      .-= Kim (frogpondsrock)´s last blog ..Assorted photographs all taken here at home. =-.

    13. AOL? Seriously? I thought they closed up shop ages ago, like Yahoo. What? They’re still in business too? Wow. Just, wow. Next you’ll be telling me people still buy newspapers and magazines…
      .-= Steve´s last blog ..#119 Measurement =-.

    14. True story. My fiancee and his parents all still have dial-up internet through AOL.
      .-= sarah´s last blog ..Fun Fact Friday. =-.

    15. I’m missed it.

      I also missed “Big cake for actress’ 40 birthday.” I feel robbed. Now I’ll never know who had a big cake for her birthday.
      .-= BuenoBaby´s last blog ..sunday morning =-.

    16. “If it ain’t broke…”

    17. I am still laughing over the Dr. Pepper debacle. That probably gives you some idea of what my week has been like.
      .-= Veronica´s last blog ..Weeding =-.

    18. A song like that is not worth two dollars….in my humble opinion.

      It lacked a certain rhythm.
      .-= won´s last blog ..Conundrum =-.

    19. Sings like what, though? “Sings like a $2 bill” sounds like a good name for a country song. Just sayin’.
      .-= juliejulie´s last blog ..Being Weird =-.

    20. Things that drive me insane – at the top of that list – people who cannot spell and somehow are put in charge of PRINTING something for commercial use. Unbelievable.

      Have you heard of the guys who travel around the country fixing typos? If my husband would let me, I’d sell our kids and join them. You know, for the greater good and all.

    21. Tooooo funny—-I need me some sings….
      The other night I was watching Dateline or 20/20—one of those types of shows and they flashed to a police interrogation room and the sign on the door read……..Quite please interview in process.
      I said—WTF…..I wonder how long that has been on their door…bet that’s a competent group of folks. Glad I’m not being interrogated by them……sure hate it for those that are.
      Sunnie

    22. I am new to your blog and excited to start reading!

      It took me about three minutes (no lie) to figure the sign out. I thought it was advertising singing lessons. But then, I’m a bit slow ;)
      .-= Maven ´s last blog ..Gratitude, Lady Marmelade, and Comment of the Week! =-.

    23. I used to work for AOL. I left a year ago. Just about the best decision I made in my life. A lot of friends got laid off last week.

    24. I am amazed and somewhat amused daily by the pure stupidity of people.
      Sings are $2…..how much for the helmet?
      .-= singlemomma_cc´s last blog ..What the hell do you have against Jackie Chan?! =-.

    25. Whoever wrote “Bill Stickers is innocent” is my hero of funny for the rest of the week.
      .-= Tim´s last blog ..Quick post while I cook breakfast =-.

    26. I’ll tell you what’s more ridiculous than the Dr. Pepper cans, the fact that lowercasing two letters in your logo is supposed divert people’s attention from the fact you’re a suck internet provider and the main premise behind a shitty Hanks/Ryan movie.

      No, not Joe versus the Volcano. That movie is awesome on a popsicle stick.
      .-= Chris Illuminati´s last blog ..World, meet an 11-year-old bad ass. Show respect. =-.

    27. i totally thought that was sexual things that you shouldnt joke about with your MOM. i vote next week’s article.

    28. A story you really REALLY need for stuff even crazier than anything you could come up with: Jennifer Love Hewitt bedazzled hoo-ha. Vagazzled. No shit.
      .-= MommyTime´s last blog ..The Siren Call of Stuff (part 2) =-.

    29. I’ll sings (very badly) for $2.
      .-= Finola´s last blog ..Introverts of the World Unite! =-.

    30. Dude, the nest thing that’s gonna happen in this saga is that Dr. Pepper is going to change its cans. Mark my words. Are you drunk on the power?
      .-= Leigh´s last blog ..someone saved my life =-.

    31. “next”. Fuck. I am the queen on typos.
      .-= Leigh´s last blog ..someone saved my life =-.

    32. Ha-ha! “of”
      .-= Leigh´s last blog ..someone saved my life =-.

    33. See, I’m not alone — I was just thinking the same thing about AOL the other day.

    34. Stupid should hurt.

    35. The sign and the AOL thing have me LOLing…for real.
      .-= Kyla´s last blog ..The Great Prophylactic Malfunction of 2010. =-.

    36. Diet Dr. Pepper is still the win.

    37. Aol mail is stupid. My mother refuses to get rid of it. I’ve tried to explain that any of the other million free email providers would be superior, but she’s scared. She finally got off of dial-up but since they live out in the country it took forever to get another option there so that wasn’t her fault.

    38. AOL is the National Enquirer of service providers.
      .-= Aria’z Ink´s last blog ..Facebook and Universal Timing =-.

    39. Ok causing mass US confusion regarding a soda product was totally on MY shit-to-do-this-week list. So hence I have to hate you in principle, but admire the fact that you actually beat me to it. dammit -all-to-hell. I’m going to blame the fact that I no longer reside in the US on this. That and the fact that you are far awesomer than me. dammit-all-to-hell…AGAIN. Imma start workin’ on curing stupid people and see how that works out…. Ner ner!
      .-= mesina´s last blog ..10 things NOT to buy him for Valentine’s =-.

    40. I still think Dr Pepper is baffling. It ever caught on here in Israel and for good reason. Back when we visited the states last year, I just had to give it a try. I spat it out right away. No one in my family would have it. Who’s the genius that figured people would want a soda drink that tastes like cough medicine?
      .-= Anne´s last blog ..The Israeli Home? =-.

    41. It’s great to know that our media is focusing on important stories like the Dr. Pepper confusion. Phew.
      .-= Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..The bane of my existence, part deux =-.

    42. How do you know that’s a typo? Did you pay the thing $2? It’s quite possibly the best singing sign in the universe and you’ll never ever know because you’re so wrapped up in advocating the Dr. Pepper anti-establishment revolution. Narcissist.
      .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Family Circus and the Day I Got My Ass Sued =-.

    43. I know how the typo wasn’t caught… this one’s easy.

      a.) The signs are only $2. (T-shirts are a mere $5!). You can’t get the materials that cheap, let alone labor <– look I didn't spell in Canadian! (the things I do for you)
      b.) Minimum wage must be more than $7 in the US right? For argument we'll say it is $7
      c.) That sign must have taken at least 20 minutes to make and cost at least $10 in materials. So d = $12.33
      d.) Math and spelling this simple should be mastered by age 8 surely.

      So… if revenue (a) = $2 and costs (c) = $12.33 the sign company has a net loss of -$10.33 per sign.

      Therefore, one could assume they're just really lousy at business. But it can't be that simple. No… it means they either have child labor (there I go again!), which is illegal in the US I hope. And the slave children can't spell well yet (so you'd be making fun of little 5 year olds (nice Jenny)); or, far more likely, they want to help their fellow poor Americans by practically giving them $10. They even threw in the 33 cents probably needed to claim on your tax return. Now that's thoughtful. Also since it's a gift, it's really the thought that counts and pointing out the typo is really a little rude don't you think?

      The lesson here? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, it's tacky and makes you look ungrateful. Take the $10 and go see the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Downey Jr's deductive reasoning is *almost* as good as mine.
      .-= Karen @agentninety9´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: December 23, 2009 =-.

    44. Maybe someone does sing “like this” for two dollars. Maybe if you get real close you can hear like the little mice from Cinderella just singing their little hearts out and they come and do it for you personally… for $2.
      .-= Amy´s last blog ..In the beginning… =-.

    45. We did see that story on AOL! Love it. Still wondering why the cat couldn’t get out of jury duty…didn’t see that story.
      .-= Lookielou´s last blog ..The Woofy Woo Unofficial Economic Update and Vacation =-.

    46. A local landlord here in SE PA periodically posts a sign that says “Appts Available”. I’d like to know whether they’re appointments with a masseuses or appointments with a proctologist before I inquire any further….

    47. Clearly, last week was a sloooow news week.
      .-= Edgy Mama´s last blog ..Weekly parent: baby, it’s cold outside =-.

    48. I can’t part with my AOL account. Every now and again I pop in. It’s where my cyber cherry was popped in a apocalyptic flame war in one of their near defunct messageboards. It’s where I learned everything I needed to know about the weird.

    49. The AOL thing embarrasses me.

      Dear Rest of the World: Please don’t lump me in the categories of Americans who “Can’t take a joke.” or “Completely misses the point.”
      .-= Nicki´s last blog ..A host of contradictions. =-.

    50. I feel the same way whenever I drive past the Salvation Army’s FAMILY STORE. Think, people! Think!
      .-= Bejewell´s last blog ..Switzerlandish People Don’t Use Forks. Tell Your Friends. =-.

    51. I would KILL to get a $2 sing! Does that mean I have to come to Texas?

    52. I use AOL as my “I rarely check it so sure send me daily spam when I sign up for contests and Tyra show newsletters” email. I used to use it to chat to boys when I was 13. Until I realized my screenname was a porn term. So I stopped. I was so innocent in those days.
      .-= Erika from The Pastry Chef At Home´s last blog ..Chocolate and Macadamia Phyllo Turnovers + The Shady History of Phyllo Dough =-.

    53. Love, love, love the mis-print “sings” you can find just about everywhere. What amazes me is that someone wrote down the copy, then someone copied the copy, then someone copied the copy wrong again and printed it and then when it was finished someone picked up the copy and put it up for all the world to see. Amazing.
      .-= Jane´s last blog ..I’m Dumping The Labels And Embracing ALL Of My Friends =-.

    54. I sorta miss AOL’s constant barrage of free CDs. We use to glue them onto walls to make mosaics, and as frisbees, and coasters, and chinese throwing stars. Oh AOL, I support your misdirected decision to NEVER DIE.
      .-= Bridget´s last blog ..Last Night Akron Tried to Kill Me, Like Always =-.

    55. “douche canoe” – that’s the best insult I’ve seen in a longtime!

    56. I can’t believe that you got beat out by a cat trying to get out of jury duty. He should do his civic duty like the rest of us.

      It’s insane people dont’ understand comedy. But even better when you think how much drama it must be causing the Dr. Pepper people. They are probably turning themselves inside out that the marketing campaign and label redesign that I’m sure they spend a boatload of time and money on became a serious story about how it is confusing people about their product. All because of people thinking your comedy is real. That’s power. Use it wisely.

      Wolverines!
      .-= Condo Blues´s last blog ..Could Blitzkrieg Be Bissell’s Most Valuable Pet? =-.

    57. I think Mrs. Dash and Dr. Pepper should go have an affair and breed assholes that make bad signs for $2.
      .-= Amy´s last blog ..Implements of Sleeping Convenience =-.

    58. My dad still uses AOL. Like the whole software and everything. He is a software writer person thing and he still uses that…and wonders why his computer is slow?!?! Dad, it’s probably because T-Rex called and wants his chat rooms back.

      I think I’ll go watch “You’ve Got Mail” now. I bet Tom Hank has an unlimited supply of AOL trial cd’s.
      .-= Stephanie L´s last blog ..Things Moms Do =-.

    59. the cat is very gentle to their boss that why is not difficult ot wrap

    60. Ok that diet dr pepper thing had me laughing forever. I’m so glad you explained you were satirical though. For ages now I’ve been reading you and thinking you were just really dumb or potentially had an actual medical issue with learning – which made me feel really bad about how much I was laughing you. I mean laughing at the slow kid? That’s just wrong. Now I know it’s OK though.*

      *For the readers of AOL: The above was meant to be satirical.
      .-= My Baby Sweetness´s last blog ..Choosing a babysitter =-.

    61. I wish I were you.
      .-= Tatyana´s last blog ..UN-be-FRICKIN-leavable. =-.

    62. You need to frame that screen cap.
      .-= Aimee Greeblemonkey´s last blog ..Artist Intro: Lucy Schwartz + MORE Haiti Relief =-.

    63. I could sing like a sign for a lot less than $2.00 but no one can cure stupid people, not at any price!

    64. After concentrating really hard for a few minutes, I made the executive decision to come read the comments so I could figure out what the heck was misspelled on that sign. Now I understand your comment about spell check not catching everything. And you know what? I’m an editor. I tell people not to trust spell check all the time. And now I’m paranoid and Googling how to spell “spell check” (hyphen or one word?? Space??) because I don’t want to be compared to the singing t-shirt seller in your neighborhood. Oh, good luck with AOL, though.
      .-= Amelia Witherspoon´s last blog ..Twitterature =-.

    65. I love seeing shit like that.
      I makes me feel smert. :P

    66. Haha, people make stupid spelling mistakes like that all the time! Hilarious….you’re like, um…no, I am actually not sure if I want one of your signs after all…..haha, i like your blog~ you have great humor. :)

    67. I wish I had a sign like that, so I could charge my coworker $2. She sent out a message last month about the holiday party and where to find the sing up sheet. Another coworker and I told her we refused to sing, but she could go ahead if she wanted to, but she didn’t know we were mocking her and just thought we didn’t want to participate in the potluck.
      .-= nonlineargirl´s last blog ..Color Year, Month 1 (Orange) =-.

    68. [...] innocently took a picture of some confusing Diet Dr Pepper in Target and then days later it created a huge international incident of angry people who don’t understand satire?  Me too.  So today when I was at Target I looked toward the shelf where the infamous Diet Dr. [...]

    69. [...] but of course that didn’t help at all.   It was quite awesome and reminded me a lot of the Dr Pepper debacle.  Regardless, I thought I should point out that when you get an angry troll commenting on [...]

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