Conversation with Victor at iHop:
me: Ugh. I hate it when they don’t give you enough spaces to write the answers.
Victor: What? Why the hell are you doing the puzzle on the kid’s menu?
me: Because you’re too busy playing with your phone to talk to me and also because puzzles help stave off early dementia.
Victor: But you’re not even doing them correctly. You don’t draw in extra lines in fill-in-the-blank.
me: I realize that, but it doesn’t fit otherwise.
Victor: Are you fucking kidding me?
me: I know, right? I thought it was inappropriate too. I mean, this is supposed to be for children, for God’s sake.
Victor: I’m reasonably sure the answer is *not* “Hiding the sausage”.
me: I tried “Bury the bacon” but that didn’t fit either. “Grasp the links?”
Victor: I don’t know what’s more tragic. The fact that you’re doing the child’s puzzle, or the fact that you can’t figure out the child’s puzzle.
me: You now, you could help me instead of making fun of me.
Victor (going back to his phone): If I help you you’ll never learn.
me: OHMYGOD! SEIZE THE WEENY!
Then Victor made me leave because I was “causing a scene” but I think it’s more likely he was just embarrassed that he couldn’t figure out the answer either and now I’m worried that we both have early-onset dementia. This has been haunting me for weeks, y’all.
PS. Okay I just googled “take the breakfast meat” to see if that gave me a non-smutty answer and this was the most relevant thing that popped up:
Awesome. I rest my case.
UPDATED: After many impressive guesses (Ham and Go Seek, Grand Ham Theft, Swipe the Tripe, Pound the Sausage, Pilfer the Pork, Hide the Salami) several people finally insisted there was an actual game called “Steal the Bacon“, which I’ve never heard of and doesn’t even involve real bacon. It’s basically a variation of “Capture the Flag” but instead of a flag it’s bacon. Except the bacon is actually an eraser or a mitten or something. Why? No one knows. So it’s basically the shittiest game ever. Thanks for wasting everyone’s time, IHOP.
Comment of the day: Steal the Bacon? Really? Huh. Never heard of it. Probably because I was raised Jewish, and the only thing we hide is matzo. Oh, and Anne Frank. ~alonewithcats