Hi. It’s me.

in more than meets the eye

I know you come here to laugh and if you need that right now just skip this and read the next post.  But come back when you can so you can read this, because it’s important.

I believe that people have the right to say and do what they want.  Even if what they say and do makes me sick to my stomach.  I know people who are intolerant or homophobic or full of fear or hate.  And some of them I love in spite of it.  I can’t help it.  But I still have to say something even if it hurts them to read it.

You are wrong.

Our differences are what make us strong, what makes us unique and special.  Fighting intolerance about mental illness, or race, or lifestyle or whatever labeled “flaw” we are saddled with makes us strong.  And today instead of using my strength to say how much I hate every single person that thought that this horrible act of cruelty was in any way acceptable to do to a human being I’m using it to do something so much harder.  I’m using it to say that I still love you.  And that I hope for change.  And that I know that I am imperfect and I am changing and that I hope you can too.  Because I don’t want to live in a world where so many people send me emails of desperation and despair because they think that a girl on the internet they’ve never met is the only one who could ever understand them.  These people?  The ones emailing me who feel that their life is worthless?  They are your children.  They are the people we see every day.  They are the men and women who will one day care for us when we’re old and feeble and can’t stand up for ourselves anymore.

They. are. us.

Please, try a little harder.  Because instead of screaming in fury I’m going to try to change my own behavior and instead just say what we’re all really saying underneath our angry shouts…I love you, and I want you to love me.


A special note to every single person reading this who thinks that they are alone or different or forever broken…you are not.  You are part of a special tribe that you just haven’t found yet and we need you.  All the best people are broken.  Keep fighting until you find your place.  It does exist.  I promise.

Comment of the day: I love homophobic people too, and I always worry how they will react when I finally do come out to them. I don’t want my relationships with them to change just because they suddenly know something which has always been true.  I am a loving, optimistic young man, who just so happens to be attracted to other men, and I have no problem with that. It’s the world that has the problem. I believe first and foremost in the power of love. People don’t show enough love for one another, and that is why we have so many problems. I like to think that I am part of the solution.

My ‘name’ is Phillip Wilde, and I love you. Yes, even you. ~ Phillip Wilde

482 thoughts on “Hi. It’s me.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. Great post. I am so saddened and shocked by this unbelievable act of cruelty. It is just despicable…beyond words. Thank you for a truly wonderful post.
    .-= Mandy´s last blog ..Cop Out Blog-Questions =-.

  4. Thank you.

    I have an autistic son. He’s only 3 1/2 now, but one of my greatest fears is that when he’s a teenager, he might be one of the kids treated like this. It’s just awful to think anyone could be so heartless.

    But you’re right. Love is all we need. Even if sometimes a punch in the mouth feels like the right thing to do.
    .-= Amanda Broadfoot´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.

  7. Thank you! I could not believe that adults were responsible for this. It makes me despair for humanity. But, hopefully people will learn from this and never again repeat the behavior. Just maybe.

  9. People are absolutely hateful. Cruelty is never called for. Karma will return to bite them in the ass. And hope it bites them hard.
    .-= Stephanie´s last blog ..Le Grumble =-.

  11. Jenny, I am a first time commenter but a long time reader and I just want to say thank you for saying this. Your words have moved me. I am astounded every day how callous and hateful people can be when they think they are “perfect” and so very “above” others.

  12. just when i think i can’t possibly adore you anymore… you add this post! you are an awesome lady Jennifer Lawson!

  13. I think the one thing that the internet has taught me is that the different people are not alone. There are far more “freaks and geeks” than there are Prom queens in this world. Being unaccepted is a far more common emotion than being accepted. As we grow older, we can see that – the “Long Tail of Cool” helps us find our tribes and become happy….

    It’s our jobs as adults to make sure our children understand that. Fake proms can’t be pulled off without parental/school administrative support. When we teach our kids to reject others, we’re just sending our world into more of a downward spiral.

    Jenny – I love you and love you more for writing this. Thanks
    .-= George G Smith Jr´s last blog ..Me Write Pretty One Day =-.

  14. I’m so busy being pissed off, you want me to find the love? For those fuckheads? Ah, crap. I’ll try. But I’m really really really pissed off.
    .-= Jacquie´s last blog ..phoning it in =-.

  17. Exactly what I was saying. As much as people disapprove and try to divide into “them” and “us”, we need to realize that all thems are us, man.

    Funny can be a burden, J. Thanks for also keeping it real. I like you.
    .-= Fuck Yeah, Motherhood!´s last blog ..Sunday Bloody Sunday =-.

  18. Thank you for being able to stand up and stand out. I know you mean every word. And by you saying you love the horrible people out there, maybe others will do the same. Thank you for using your massive influence for the good of all.

  21. You’re my hero. You seem to be able to put into words what I cannot. You are a beautiful person, and I hope one day that I can meet you to tell you that in person.

  22. Shame on the students and parents for what they did to Constance. Did none of the students care enough to tell her? Also, shame on the parents for teaching their children that this was acceptable. I’m speechless.

  23. The hardest thing about school for me was knowing that I was always on the outside looking in, not because of others, but because I was seriously mentally ill and undiagnosed. I knew there was so much wrong about me, but no clue how to address any of it.
    Jenny, just by being yourself on the internet you give hope to all of us who have struggled to find a place where we fit. Thank you for that.
    And for Constance and her friends: don’t give up. It gets so much better after you are released from the school system.
    .-= Tracy Lynn´s last blog ..Dear Publishers, Especially HarperCollins =-.

  24. I grew up in Mississippi so, while I’m every bit as appalled by what happened there as you are, I’m probably less shocked by it. Thank you for using your voice for good.
    .-= Kalisa´s last blog ..Allergic to Spring =-.

  25. I watched about a minute before I burst into tears. The kind of bursting into tears thing where you don’t understand why you’re crying but you know it’s from your soul. The kind of bursting into tears that makes you unhappy that you know people from that video and know they’re in unimaginable pain.
    .-= Suzy´s last blog ..It’s Everybody Can Bite Me Friday! =-.

  26. It takes strength and courage to stand up to injustice, as this young girl has done. It takes strngth and courage to publicly discuss the humiliation that she has faced. It took cowardice and bigotry to commit the acts of atrocity that these people have committed against her and so many others every day around the world. You are a much bigger and better person than I, for loving them goes beyond my capabilities, right this moment. I am willing to accept their presence and their right to continue to express their opinions. All I can muster at this point. Honesty, that’s my policy. I respect the hell out of you for being able to go further, I simply can’t.
    .-= Wicked Shawn´s last blog ..You Have No Idea =-.

  28. Thank you Jenny. From one broken, hopelessly flawed, totally alone freak, to another – and all the others reading. We’re all in this together – sometimes completely isolated, but never alone.

    I love us all.

  29. I know how she feels. I was bullied in school for being “different”. Either i didn’t talk the right way or i listened to the wrong kind of music. Kids will find anything to pick on if it means hurting someone. Thanks for the inspirational words! You’re awesome!

  31. Jenny,

    Thanks for posting this. I was secretly hoping you would put that horrific link up on your blog to bring more attention to it. It makes me sick to think what we do to people who are different from us.

    I’m a devout Christian (I even played in a Christian Ska/Punk band for many years) and there is no way I could ever imagine blaming my utter stupidity and sickness, that would lead to someone creating a “fake prom” for a child, on religion. I have dear friends who are homosexual who have been kicked out of churches. Kicked out! And I think about all the people who hate church, hate religion, and I understand. I do.

    Because we don’t need judgement. We need dag blame hugs. And phone calls. And emails. And a cutesy punch in the shoulder every now and then by someone telling us they are glad we are who we are. I’m glad you bring that to so many.

  32. I am so happy to read this blog post. Us and them is doomed to failure, and I think it’s one reason it is so effective in polarising political groups and whatnot. Thank you for posting this.
    .-= Malkah´s last blog ..True History, Before and After =-.

  33. I broke one of my own cardinal rules and went all hot-headed-political-ranting on my Facebook page. I was MAD as a hatter when I read about this the other day. Still am.

    The only thing that is/was reaffirming is that every single commenter on my post found it equally abhorrent. I hope the perpetrators of this have the good sense to be ASHAMED.

    Last comment, as I said on Facebook: Oh, and if their heinous actions were in the name of their religion, I hope they are seeing the irony there as they ask for forgiveness from their god for their hatefulness.
    .-= JustLinda´s last blog ..I’m coming’ out… I want the world to know. =-.

  35. You know how much this post means to me. When people with a voice as strong as yours speak up about the wrongs in the world it gives me such hope.
    We should throw an internet prom for her and all the teenagers going through this.

  37. All the best people are broken……….made me sob. I have learned the older I get, the weird kids I hung out with in school are still my friends today and are my true friends. They’re broken but they “get” me.
    .-= Collin county chick´s last blog ..Please please stab me =-.

  38. Wow. Jeez. Touching.
    However, I thank you, because it’s people like you that make it worth it – and you do make many of us feel more accepted, even if you are just “a girl on the internet [we’ve] never met.” Because you speak your mind, you don’t sugarcoat and you help all of us feel like we can be who *we* really are too. That’s a gift, truly.

  39. You’re much nicer than I am. I live in the south, and these people are not ashamed of themselves. They don’t regret this. They think they had a brilliant idea because (as they see it), Constance shouldn’t have tried to ruin “their” prom. They will continue to think this way and they will grow up to raise children they will teach to think this way. Their families, their friends, and their church will back them up. It’s sad and it’s disgusting. Personally, I think they should have had a “Carrie” moment. This attitude is why we homeschooled our daughter, and why I will be forever grateful she didn’t “enjoy” the public school experience downhere.
    .-= Carole & Chewy´s last blog ..Day 201/365 Holding Our Breath =-.

  40. Thank you Jenny.

    Quite often I want to scream and stab people like this. How can they possibly think something that like is funny or entertaining. Or perhaps they are not trying to be funny, just trying to harm, which just makes me want to stab them with a rusty fork more. Having a “label” myself of bipolar, I understand the hurt that can come from stereotypes, prejudice, stigmas, and misunderstands.

    May he who has not sinned cast the first stone.

  41. This made me cry – both the hideous behavior of those truly wretched people and your reaching out to both the marginalized majority (most people are broken in some way) and said wretched people. Thank you.

  42. That is one of the most cowardly things I’ve ever heard of adults being involved in. Bad enough if just the students got together and tricked a classmate, but the fact that the school administration seem to be complicit…I’m literally at a loss for words. How do they explain to their children why they’re excluding these girls from their prom?

  43. Thank you for this post. Right now I am broken and I’m not sure if I will ever be a whole person or if I have ever even been one. If I was a religious person I would say that posts like this are little reminders to me to keep the faith. But I’m not so I’ll take it as a reminder to keep paddling and keep my head above water. Thank you.
    .-= laanba´s last blog ..Petals =-.

  45. This is beautiful, and as funny as I have found your previous posts to be, this is better. Thank you.

  47. Thank you for saying what I have been feeling for a while. I know the slogan make love, not war is seen to be a bit outdated, but come on. Whether you believe in God, or you don’t, we were made the way we are for a reason. Whilst I know it is difficult to love some people, two wrongs don’t make a right.
    Smile at someone random today. Hold the door open for someone. Wish someone a good day. It doesn’t matter what you believe, what your sexuality, what your race, we all have the same blood. We all have feelings.
    Well done, Jenny, for taking a stand.
    .-= Suzi´s last blog ..Band of the Week – The Hellacopters =-.

  51. Thank you, Jenny for making me take a step back from my anger. What happened to Constance is appalling. I feel badly for her, but even more so for the people around her who are so twisted they felt this was the right thing to do. I’m not ready to forgive. Yet. But they can definitely have my pity.
    .-= Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..Three Years in the Making =-.

  53. So so true. Ignorance is not bliss, and shame on the parents and members of our society who treat ANYONE as a second class citizen.

  55. Love this, Jenny. Especially the bit about the special tribe, because it’s so true, and there’s never been a better time for everybody to be able to find their special tribe.
    .-= ABDPBT´s last blog ..Fish Condo By Umbra =-.

  57. Thanks gal. You are _awesome_. Really, I mean every word of it. And this is why I read your blog. Because it’s not just silly humour or a bag of irrational rantings but it’s real.. Beneath the skin of the bloggess is a real, breathing, living, maybe broken gal who is able to identify with the broken, but YET at times like these CHOOSE to stand up and fight and raise her voice for what she believes. And believe me, there’s not many out there.

    “All the best people are broken. Keep fighting until you find your place. It does exist. I promise.”
    – Thanks. We all need that. In the depths of our heart. *hugz*

  58. I have been reading your posts for a long time now and love, love, love them. I have never left a comment before but this was such a powerful post that I felt compelled to comment. You have a gift of bringing light and laughter into our crazy world by sharing yourself and you could not have not have presented this message any better. We all need to feel that we are loved, that we are worthy of being loved and even though we say we don’t care what other people think, the fact of the matter is, we need to know that someone out there cares about us, with all our quirks, no matter what. Thank you for reminding us of this and thank you for loving those of us who, at times, aren’t able to love ourselves. Please know that you are loved!!!

  59. Jenny, if I ever get the chance to meet you in some arbitrary bathroom somewhere, I’m going to give you a hug (and a Xanax). This was gorgeous and it’s made me cry and I’m seriously thinking about getting All the best people are broken tattooed somewhere on my ample skin. You are a beautiful person, inside and out.
    .-= Major Bedhead´s last blog ..Moving =-.

  60. I’m inclined to agree with muskrat… that is one of the most awful things I have heard about in a long time. The worst thing is that so many people never grow past that kind of “high school attitude”.

    P.S. I’m still pretending you’re my friend and intend to someday have coffee or at the very least a snow cone with you if I ever visit that part of TX again.
    .-= Stitch´s last blog .. =-.

  63. Nice reminder. (gluing ourselves back together one chipped piece at a time.)
    love to you, dahlila

  65. Thank you for sharing this post and beautiful video. I’m reminded how powerfully and eloquently artists can speak to deeper truths and issues we face as a culture. Thank you.

  66. Thank you and I love you. I live very near the town where this happened and I’m genuinely shocked and mad as hell. Please please please, if you happen to read any of the local comments, please know that we are rallying here. It’s just that the stupids are louder right now, but not for long.

  68. I read about the fake prom they had for the “outcasts” of the high school and it really IS just awful! I blame the adults for allowing this type of behavior to take place without stepping in and saying “hey look, this is wrong” or something along those lines AT LEAST!!
    This is why kids are killing themselves. Because you have closed minded people who are so intollerant to diffrence, it makes them feel so socially and humanly akward.

    We have a LONG way to go as human beings……that’s for sure.
    .-= Crystal´s last blog ..Easter weekend part 1…. =-.

  69. “The best people are broken.” You’ve helped me to accept that it’s okay that I’m broken, that I’m crazy, that some things just don’t work right in my brain and body.

    I wanted to cry when I read what those people did. I wanted to hurt someone. I didn’t want to say “I love you”.

    Thanks for the perspective, Jenny.

    I really fucking love you.

  70. And I really fucking love you right back. All of you.

    Thank you for giving me back everything I give to you. You don’t know how you’ve saved me…

  71. Yes. Thank you. What all those people up there said. Including the GOOD PUNCH IN THE UNDIES suggested at comment #20 *grin* But most of all, love!

    I have a lot of difficulty reacting to “other”ing and segregation of this kind with anything but anger and rage. It’s good to be reminded that this isn’t the best reaction if you want to create a more tolerant, loving world! Thanks for the reminder! (Taking deep, calming breaths now…)
    .-= Wendy´s last blog ..The Anti-Ant =-.

  72. I’m a lesbian and a mom and the only thing that scares me more than my children being discriminated against is the thought that they might discriminate against others. This fake prom thing has really shaken my faith in humanity. Thank you for posting this. I read your blog regularly and the fact that you posted this means a lot to me. Seriously. Now, I’m going to go whisper sweet nothings into my girlfriend’s ear…before yelling “NIGHT SQUIRREL!”
    .-= Vikki´s last blog ..The Friendly Ghost =-.

  73. I love this post….thank you so much for sharing and getting it off your chest. We are ALLOWED and encouraged to speak our mind…even if most of your typical readers slash fans don’t agree or don’t want to hear it. My heart goes out to every single individual that feels lost (or broken as you put it, because that is such a true statement)….there are SO MANY more people that love you even if you don’t realize it. And if you can’t find a single person that you think loves you, think again. I will love you until you realize the others that surround you.

    Everyone stay strong and keeping being your INDIVIDUAL self…

  75. Great post Jenny. I can’t believe that something like this was able to occur without those students’ knowledge of it. Are they using a fake Facebook too? I have a hard time being as forgiving as you are about this. I mostly want to scream SHAME ON YOU to those people. And punch them in the box.

  78. Thank you. It seems that lately the notion that people suck has been proven to me over and over again. You make me doubt that notion.

  79. I applaud you for reaching out to love these people. As hard as it is to find room in your heart for those who have behaved so appallingly, hating them only perpetuates the hate in the world. This whole story just makes me sad. It’s like a little of the world has dulled.

    These parents have shown their children a road to hate and intolerance and a rebuking of basic human decency. How can we hope her classmates will grow to embrace new ideas or tolerance, when those who should be showing them the way, are behaving so disgracefully. This has nothing to do with religion or Christianity as these people are so far removed from the central teachings of love and tolerance. It’s simply perverting religion to justify the unjustifiable nature of their behaviour.

    No matter how many of us say we love and support her, Constance will now always know that there are people who will be ready to tell her she (and those other ‘imperfect’ kids) is somehow less simply because of who she is. Can these adults feel good about themselves for abusing a child in this way? It just leaves me with an overwhelming level of sadness.
    .-= Rusty Hoe´s last blog ..An Experience of Elegance and Lingering Pleasure. =-.

  81. these beautiful, smart, amazing, wonderful, DIFFERENT people who think they are worthless are not invisible. they ARE everywhere. nobody sees them. nobody looks at or sees anyone anymore, ever. everyone is too busy staring at their fucking iphones because OMG SRSLY U R SO FUNNY UH OH G2G C U L8R KTHXBAI is more important than asking a stranger, “are you ok?” REACH OUT, PEOPLE. if it makes you feel weird or uncomfortable or awkward, DO IT SOME MORE.
    .-= Stone Fox´s last blog ..Marriage, Part I =-.

  83. Thank you from someone who has been broken for most of her life — so much so that every step I take through life sends shooting pains through my body as if I’m walking on shards of broken glass. Sometimes just waking up in the morning hurts. It hurts to breathe. The pain of inferred failure, of self-doubt, self-loathing, self-hatred have replaced self-esteem, self-worth and even self-reliance. The problem with looking to others for your sense of worth, normalcy, rightness or belonging? They can never love you as much as you should be loving yourself. And i’m so broken, so USED to being broken…that I’m not sure I have the energy to learn to undo the damage. Facing every day takes courage, strength…two things I’m running short on.

    I love you, Jenny. You’re flawed, you’re totally “not right”…and you’re perfectly beautiful.
    .-= Elisa´s last blog ..Did You Know? =-.

  85. i just don’t understand humanity as a whole. for the 90% out there full of love and kindness, the other 10% makes me want to go and kick their asses.

    and believe me, i’m big enough to do so.
    .-= gorillabuns´s last blog ..b-u-n-n-y, b-u-n-n-y….. =-.

  86. Hi. It’s me. That one girl that sent you a million twitter direct messages and made an ass out of myself, but at least I made you laugh, so…GO ME!

    I was 11 or 12 when I realized that my brother was gay, I will be 30 this year. Dear God, I feel old.

    I don’t remember how or why I knew, he didn’t tell me, or even hint at it, but I just sort of *knew*. I didn’t mention this to him, and I cried for about 20 minutes. I wasn’t upset for me, I wasn’t embarrassed, I knew that it didn’t make him any different than he was an hour before I knew he was gay. The only negative thought I had about it was “Oh God, we live in the bible belt, in Southeast Kansas. He is going to get SO MUCH shit for this. People will be SO MEAN to him.” I cried for the hurt that he might some day get, due to the cruelty of others. I cried because I knew I wouldn’t be able to protect him from that.

    And then I forgot about it. I never mentioned it to anyone, not out of shame, but because in my mind, it was a non issue. Also, I figured if he wanted anyone to know, it was his job to tell them, not mine.

    My brother didn’t come out to me until I was 21 or so, and he was shocked when I told him I knew. My mother took the news much better than I thought she would, but she still mentions to me every once in a while that she thinks its “just a phase” or her fault somehow, and she told him she didn’t want him to tell anyone else in the family.

    I don’t think it bothers him not to tell anyone in the family. I think to him, there’s nobody in the family he’d care to tell. I know *my* sexual preference isn’t something I’d care to discuss with family. I think the thing that bothers him, and the thing that certainly bothers me, is the fact that if he should ever WANT to, she would be upset. It bothers me that somehow this changes things in her eyes. It bothers me that she is so close minded that she can’t be okay with this.

    I am glad that I am different. I am glad that I am accepting. I am glad that sometimes, my heart is too big and I get hurt too easily. I would rather feel the Good Things this life has to offer really intensely and in doing so, have the bad things be really bad. It’s a trade off that I am willing to have. I wouldn’t get rid of any of it if it meant that I had to not be different. After many many years of wishing I was “normal”, I think I’ll just keep me the way I am, thanks.

    Much love,
    ~Kim
    .-= vevice´s last blog ..Fitter, Happier, More Productive =-.

  87. I said this on FB, but thank you, thank you, thank you, from the LGBT blogging community (I’m representing them right now, due to I said so) for highlighting this. We’ve been screaming ourselves hoarse about it, and as a fellow Southern person, this is happening in my backyard.

    Anyway. I’m linking and quoting and sending people your way as soon as I hit “post.”
    .-= Evan Hurst´s last blog ..Will The Catholic Church Survive? =-.

  89. It’s like everyone’s worst nightmare in their teens, isn’t it? That bad dream of being so different that when you show up to the party, there’s no one there but you. If high school taught me one thing, it’s that I afford humanity no faith at all. What happened to beautiful Constance is just one more proof how awful we can be to each other. Then again, Jenny, there’s you, using your voice to combat bigotry and hatred; people like you are proof of how wonderful we can be too. I hope she gets out of that town and never looks back.

  90. Amen. Living on a rather conservative state (Missouri), I fear my kids growing up around closed-minded people. But I agree with you that we all have different views on every topic under the sun. The key is to be a good person, to treat each other respectfully, to know when to speak and when to listen. This young girl just wants to be a normal kid, doing normal things. And yet she isn’t being treated normally or respectfully, but like a scrap of trash that can be tossed aside. I hope she is the bigger person here, I hope she knows that there are people in this world, in these conservative states, that want her to be herself. Her standing up for what’s right is something her parents should be do proud of. Thank you for this post. You rock.

  91. Pingback: Truth Wins Out - A Heartfelt Response to an Appalling Act of Cruelty

  93. It was really nice to read this and see a different side of you. I love your funny articles, but there is so much going on in the world that needs serious attention… it is just nice to see you expressing thoughts about such an important and sincere point.

  94. First-time commenter, long-time reader – just had to comment 🙂

    Love this post (though hate that it had to exist in the first place – people can be SUCH FUCKWADS), and love you dearly for your heart and your humor!

  97. And I’m crying and not for the normal reason I cry when I come here. No tears of laughter. Tears of agreement. I have found my place here, in this crazy fucked world of blogging, and without it I’d be lost. Or more lost. Thank you for this.
    .-= Jill´s last blog ..Forgive me Father for I have sinned… =-.

  98. Hell yeah!

    The great thing about the internet is it makes finding your tribe easier…and people it makes it easier to speak up against shit that is clearly not right. Like this.

    There is no excuse for hatred. It’s a cop out. I Love you all even if I haven’t met you yet.
    .-= Trisha Cornelius´s last blog ..I Am Frightened =-.

  99. Dammit, Jenny, you made me cry.

    My little girl just turned 16. She’s gay. We’ve been incredibly lucky that we live where we do, and that she hasn’t yet had to deal with anything even remotely like those events. But if and when she does, I will come back and flip through your archives until I find this post. And I will show it to her.

    Thank you for this post. Thank you for the love. I love you too.
    .-= Melanie´s last blog ..YAHHH, Trick, YAHHH =-.

  101. balling. i love this tribe i have found on the interwebz and you save me all the time.

    thanks for standing up for this! what has happened is heartless and inhuman. i hope your amazing words can inject some fucking soul in these people and we can move this past this intolerance and mindless hate.

  103. is it weird that I love a stranger who writes in the Internet? I hope not, because I do. Thank you for being you.

  104. Great post, Jenny, thank you! I don’t know why anyone wastes their time with hate. It isn’t that hard of a concept to just love everyone for who they are. As corny as that sounds, it’s the truth. What the hell is so hard about that?

  106. Thank you and thank you and thank you. So many of us feel broken for things that cannot break but society tells us are broken. I cannot believe what was done to Constance. It’s unspeakable. I am so glad you are speaking here. And so many of us are broken because of what was done to us, when we had no choice, before we had a chance, and we have to fight harder. But that makes us stronger and more interesting in the end.

    I know I have just said what 99 people have already said but I still felt compelled to comment. I am fighting brokenness and just had a brilliant push-back fight-back day and just blogged about it and to come here and read this from you was the clincher. We are stronger and smarter than brokenness, god damn it. I love it when you do serious posts. 😀
    .-= Anise´s last blog ..retaliation sometimes comes unexpectedly and in droves =-.

  111. I love your words, your humor, your brain and your heart. May I admire you? Too late, I already do.

  113. You’re right – that is disgusting. It is terrible that the parents are supporting such behavior. Sometimes I really do worry for the future of our country if things like this are going on and parents are encouraging and even in some cases instigating it.

  116. I know I’m just one among many, but thank you Jenny. I wish the world was filled with more people like you.

  117. Thanks, Jenny. We LGBT folk need all the allies we can get. And so does anyone who’s ever been put down because of who he or she is.

    Keep up the good work.

  118. When I first saw this incident on the net, I was sure it had to be a satire. I would believe it of high scholl kids did this on their own, but adults? It’s inexcusable.
    .-= Christina Bell´s last blog ..The Penis Festival =-.

  119. When I thought I couldn’t possibly adore you more, you write this. You remind me that I’m not alone when I feel it the most. This is maybe the most beautiful thing I’ve ever read.

  120. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I was so unbelievably mad when I read about the fake prom, and my instinctive reaction was to hate, but then I read this post and teared up. I didn’t stop being angry, but that anger softened and I stopped wanting to hate. This is what we need. People like you who can overcome the anger enough to love and try to make the world a better place with that love. You are amazing, and I am in awe of you. I don’t care if it’s weird to love a stranger who writes on the internet because I do. Thank you so, so much.

  122. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for saying all the things so many hearts are feeling. You have a lifetime fan in me, one of the beat-up denizens of society’s Island of Misfit Toys.

    I will do my best to love, and to be open to love, but the fiery smiting part of me, the Tezcatlipoca’s Daughter in me, wants to reach out and burn them all to ash for the crime of willful stupidity and blind hate. But then A) I’d be as bad as they are and B) that smell just doesn’t come out of clothes. So, love it is, I guess.

    Thanks again.
    .-= La Barceloneta (Claire)´s last blog ..It’s not my birthday… =-.

  123. I so love you Jenny! Thank you for thinking with clarity and love when I couldn’t.
    Love is always the better answer.

  124. That’s so horrible. I hadn’t heard about the fake prom part of the whole thing. What an absolutely awful thing to do to another human being.
    Thank you for writing this. Even though I don’t have the same struggles as Constance, high school was really hard, and yknow, sometimes life still isn’t easy (ha!) but it’s a little easier knowing that there’s great people like you who can write something that encourages and admonishes and maybe makes a lot of people feel a little less alone.
    .-= Heather´s last blog ..Toys! =-.

  126. These are hard times, to be sure. There are lots of reasons to give up and only a few reasons not to. But those few are the reasons that matter the most. This was a beautiful post! You should start a blog or something!

    And one truth I have learned is that there is one constant about both good times and bad times. They always change. And if you just keep dancing, eventually your song will come up!
    .-= Spuds´s last blog ..Coming Today: "Virgin Tweeter… You Always Remember Your First Time!" =-.

  127. See, now this is what I love about you. So much of humor on the internet is about anger. About degrading others to build ourselves up. You, on the other hand, know what it’s like to hurt, and there is no way you’ll inflict that pain on others. Instead, you do your best to protect the vulnerable. This is why so many people are drawn to you.

    Well, that and the fact that you are fucking hysterical.

  128. Yes, this was wrong in so many directions it’s hard to choose just one. Still: not only is it in our own best interests to love the young woman on whom this cruelty was perpetrated, we have love the creeps who thought this was acceptable.
    “Love,” on the other hand, is not “like.”

  131. Excellent, Jenny. I hadn’t seen this and I am utterly and completely shocked. No matter how you feel personally about someone’s sexuality this is out and out WRONG. Thank you for giving your space to stand against this abhorrent behavior-adults and students alike.

  132. I love homophobic people too, and I always worry how they will react when I finally do come out to them. I don’t want my relationships with them to change just because they suddenly know something which has always been true.

    I am a loving, optimistic young man, who just so happens to be attracted to other men, and I have no problem with that. It’s the world that has the problem. I believe first and foremost in the power of love. People don’t show enough love for one another, and that is why we have so many problems. I like to think that I am part of the solution.

    My ‘name’ is Phillip Wilde, and I love you. Yes, even you.
    .-= Phillip Wilde´s last blog ..Some people never change. =-.

  134. Dear Jenny,

    “All the best people are broken.” I am quoting you. You might poke fun at yourself a lot, but the meaning of a message lies within the reaction it gets. Today, your words are nothing short of inspiring.

    Much love at ya chica.

    -T

    PS – Your taste in chicken-fried-steak-the-size-of-sputnik isn’t too shabby. 😉
    .-= Tony hunt´s last blog ..All the best people are broken. =-.

  135. First, let me say that I agree with almost everything in this post and the comments, and my intent is not to drop a grenade but to make people think further, deeper. I hadn’t heard this story yet and when I clicked the link it was with a sick feeling that I was going to see physical violence, so my perspective was a little warped, but I was actually relieved to find out it was ‘only’ a prom. The people who did this are ridiculous and tiny, their behavior unacceptable. Period.

    But the lesson here is not that people can be shitty – that one’s already been pretty well-established, as evidenced by what I THOUGHT I was going to see at the other end of that link. The lesson, as put so eloqently by the Blogess, is for the majority of us to out-love the hateful (or sometimes just plain stupid) minority. Toward that end, I am bothered by the comment references to “Southern” and “conservative”, as though they are equivalent to homophobic and hateful, because a) they are not and 2) this is yet another way of separating and calling out differences rather than similarities.

    We’d all be better off if people could get past the labels – gay, straight, black, white, conservative, liberal, blah blah blah. We’re all just people, trying to find a place with a little bit of comfort and love. And when it comes to the Constances of the world, that place will be sweeter for the adversity she faced in getting there. THAT will be her revenge. May it come sooner, rather than later.

    J
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..Oh, For the Love of Bike… =-.

  136. Better than Mother Teresa indeed. I don’t think I can forgive those people. Maybe I have to thank my parents way more than I already have because it is beyond me how an entire group of educated, grown-up people can do something so cruel to a young, fragile teenager. What has this world come to? I’m glad those… people… don’t live anywhere nearby.

    I’m very, very glad that Constance seems to be strong and confident enough to handle this rather well. The whole thing could just as easily have resulted in another bullying related suicide. Like we don’t have enough of those on the news already. Teenagers are so vulnurable and insecure and school is a horrible time for many of them. I have never been openly bullied but what I *thought* people thought about me was enough to almost starve myself. All I can say is, once you’re out of school it will get much, much better.

    I’m glad you are here to remind us to forgive and love. And I’m glad you’re raising a child. My god, she’s going to be awesome!

  137. Goddammit Jenny. I buried my heart in my backyard somewhere. I HAD LOST THE ABILITY TO CRY.

    DO YOU KNOW HOW PAINFUL REMOVING A HEART IS

    AND YET APPARENTLY IT KEEPS COMING BACK

    …so hearts are apparently actually tumors.
    .-= K´s last blog ..Forsooth, fair maiden =-.

  140. Actually, this story has been immensely entertaining.

    Yesterday, Constance was claiming this:

    Meanwhile, many more Itawamba AHS students went to an event held at the community center in Evergreen, another community in Itawamba County. McMillen said she knew about that event but that when she asked another student if she was invited, the student told her, “the prom is at the country club.”

    “I took that as no,” McMillen said. “If I wasn’t wanted there, I wasn’t going to go.”

    But of course, that was yesterday. Now that the “advocacy organizations” have joined in, Constance is claiming that she knew nothing about the other party. After all, it doesn’t fit the narrative that she knew about it, but chose not to show up.

  141. Pingback: » You don’t need the approval of anyone but yourself.

  143. It looks like Itawamba high school decided to kill a few birds with one stone: they sent a couple of kids with learning disabilities to the fake prom along with Constance and her girlfriend! http://su.pr/1nO5x2 . This was just a couple of days after world autism awareness day too. It looks like for some people, awareness just means finger pointing and bullying. So thanks for the serious post, Jenny – we definitely need it!

  144. Thank you for this post. I’m one of the many (as you know) who come here looking for a smile when the darkness gets too heavy, but this needed to be said, because sometimes we need to be reminded that there is enough anger and hatred out there and that we need to look a little harder sometimes to find something worthwhile to love…
    .-= Laura´s last blog ..Thank You, Bloggess, For Saying It Better Than I Ever Could =-.

  145. Thanks for saying this to everyone who is not hearing it in their life from people who love them.

    I pulled my 8 year old son out of 3rd grade during this past winter break, because he was being bullied in our local school. Today he visited a new school – the school he will be attending next year – and at the end of the day he came running out with a huge smile, and said it was “the best day of my life”. Instead of waiting until next fall, he is starting tomorrow. He found his tribe, and I am so glad.
    .-= Daffodil Campbell´s last blog ..I like big buts and I cannot lie =-.

  147. Thank you for helping me realize that hating the haters doesn’t do anything. Even if loving them doesn’t change them, it at least makes me a better person. So then I win & they lose. The moral high ground is mine bitches! Wait-I think I’m doing this wrong….

    I read another article on the fake prom & really loved the quote about the kids who went had a great time b/c they didn’t have to worry about being made fun of-this was their prom. So if the kids who were slighted can shake it off & get something positive out of it, then that’s all that really matters.

    It’s the poignant posts that make the funny posts so much funnier.

  148. Wow! These “normal” people are really strange. What are they afraid of?
    It makes me glad to be a “freak”. These “good” people need to read their bibles…

    “He who lives in love lives in God and God in him”
    Corinthians

    (and that’s all the religion I need.)
    .-= cathy´s last blog ..Getting back into the swing of things. =-.

  151. Reading through your post caused a myriad of emotions running through me.

    I love that you are funny, Jenny, because you make us smile when most of what goes on in our lives makes us wanna just bury our heads and cry.

    You made me cry with this post though, not in a shitty sort of way, i cried because it made me feel that there’s someone out there who’s REAL and who CARES not in a religious, let-me-stick-my-hand-out-to-you-you-poor-thing kind of way. Somewhat who’s been in the hole, hasn’t quite gotten out but believes she can and insists others do the same.

    I know you’ll be all like “no, thank YOU,” and “its you guys that make me go on” but REALLY – sincerely, honestly – thank YOU.

  153. I grew up in a very nice small town, but beneath that “niceness” lay intolerance and bigotry that was passed down from generation to generation. I’m almost ashamed to see how many of the people from my generation (50-ish) have accepted and perpetuated the sickness and hate that was foisted upon them. I only hope that the next generation will see through this and form their own reality, one that recognizes that people’s differences are not reasons to discriminate against them and cause them pain. Unfortunately, in the locale where this sad story was set, I’m guessing that it’s much harder to break these chains, because intolerance is the accepted norm.

  154. I just read the link and it gave me the chills. How pathetic.

    I had a friend in high school who had to hide who he is in a suburb in New York. Now I live in Cambridge, MA – it’s pretty tolerant here, but not perfect. In fact, I wrote a post about a student I had who hid that he had two fathers:
    http://theresamilstein.blogspot.com/2010/01/raised-right.html

    On the upside, a group recently picketed my high school because the district has a group called the LGBTA (Lestbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Alliance) and a lot of the students – including straight ones held a counter demonstration at the same time. I was so proud of those students.

    My philosophy is live and let live. If it’s not hurting anyone, why do we to fight against it, suppress it, hurt people who live it. Don’t we all deserve to love and be loved and to be happy?

  160. Amen to that. I hope there’s a way to heal the damage that’s been done by hate, and if there is, it’s our duty to find it.
    .-= Anna´s last blog ..Shawna =-.

  161. Jenny, you nailed it. What a beautiful, powerful post. I’d been following this post, but hadn’t seen this latest twist to the story.

    This year I decided on my secret weapon against hate: INITIATING kindness and INITIATING acceptance. Not just reciprocating when people are kind to me, but actively reaching out to the lonely, the shy, and the outcast. Because I’m often one of them, and it’s time for us to stop accepting that it’s OK to be treated with disdain.

  162. I’m pretty sure Jesus preached love and acceptance–not hate and intolerance. You are just something special. I’m so glad I’ve had the privilege of reading you and getting to know you–even if it’s in the blogosphere. You rock!

  164. You’re stronger than I am. When I heard that story it just made me angry and sick and cynical. And I just want to say that while your sentiment is lovely, and one that I’ve subscribed to my whole life, this girl, the one in question, we don’t know if she’s “broken” We just know she’s gay and being discriminated against. Oops, and now I’m getting angry all over again. Thanks for the time-out anyway, Ms. Bloggess. And I do believe you’re right about wanting to be loved.
    .-= Homemaker Man´s last blog ..True Romance =-.

  165. The prom thing is so American, I find it hard to relate to. Had I been her, I definitely wouldn’t have gone to court over it. I understand it’s a matter of principle, and I totally support gay rights, but a prom sounds like the kind of event I wouldn’t want to attend to begin with.
    .-= Anne´s last blog ..Beeeeep One Two Beeeeep One Two Beeeeep =-.

  167. I think we should throw her another prom — one where anyone who supported her and was appalled by this could attend. I think it would be pretty remarkable to see how there would not be a venue big enough to accommodate us all.

    I’m hopeful that there is so much outrage…yet frightened by how much hate there still is to cause such a thing in the first place.

    Beautiful post.

  168. Yeah, I come here to laugh, sometimes with you, sometimes at you, but also, when it’s more important, to weep with you, scream with you, rail WITH you at the wrong, sad, sick things in the world. Thanks for posting this, it puts a better color on the people who did this and the people who suffered it than I ever could. Love you.
    .-= John Hartness´s last blog ..Challenge continues =-.

  169. I can’t believe stuff like this still happens, aren’t we better than this now? You are an inspiration as always. I’m proud to be broken xx

  170. I thought this news story was an April Fool’s joke when I first saw it. It didn’t occur to me until days later when I started seeing it pop up on my Reader from reliable sources that this was something that ACTUALLY HAPPENED. What the fuck is wrong with people that they would do this to their children? To their friends? To ANYONE? I’ve never understood the gay-hate so many people foster these days, and this is just another example that people who are unsure will look at and take into consideration.

    You’re so right – we need more love. <3
    .-= Ellie Di´s last blog ..Strange Materials: Navel Lint & Human Ivory =-.

  171. Thank you.
    I love you.
    We are discovering the (dis)pleasure of
    high school bs in our family too, and this story
    sounds sadly not surprising.
    It scares me that adults continue to be cruel, blind,
    Godless, and small… where do the children go?

  172. I’m standing up and cheering through my tears for your post. I think it’s made all the more powerful *because* you are so often funny and silly and wonderful. Hearing something like this from you makes it even more brilliant. So thank you, Jenny, for saying so well, what so many of us are thinking but unable to articulate. <3

  173. You know, as much as I love how beautiful you are on the outside, you’re even better on the inside!

  174. Ho. Lee. Cats. Jenny, every time I think you will finally cease to amaze me, you come up with something like this. And, once again, I stand in awe that God could create someone who wears a confidence wig and hides in the bathroom, yet can express herself so eloquently.

    ~EdT.
    .-= EdT.´s last blog ..Calling it what it is, people =-.

  175. I posted about this sort of hatred the other day. I get you, Jenny. I really get you. Thank you for using your voice for good.

    The more of us who stand up and vigorously say out loud that this hatred is WRONG can only help lead others to a better place.
    .-= cagey´s last blog ..Let the Record Show. =-.

  178. thank you for this
    thank you for being you
    thank you for reminding us that it is ok to be just US…nothing more…nothing less

  179. My jaw is still at my knees.

    Thanks for posting. I posted to my FB for people to be aware. I hope they sue the shitcakes out of that school.

  182. Dear Jenny,
    You are one of the funniest people I have ever encountered. You are also very deep, caring, sensitive and soulful. Thank you for writing about intolerance and reminding us that there are kickass people out there who still care.

  183. I saw this and am disgusted by it. Also very ashamed to admit to being part of the same race as these people. But like you said, acceptance and love are the keys to a solution. So, despite my initial reaction, I too will love them, and hope that one day things change. Thank you, Jenny, for talking about this.
    .-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..WTF me? =-.

  184. Wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to stop being hilarious so you could be poignant. Very moving. And thank you, Christina Aguilera, for the song “Beautiful.”

  185. Thanks, Jenny. Thanks for reminding me not to give up on people. Thanks for caring so much, and thanks for writing your blog. You bring light and laughter to everyone who reads it. 🙂

  187. I was horrified that the PARENTS planned this and carried it out. What a horrible thing. And I’ve seen that girl interviewed. She’s wise beyond her years. Your last paragraph reminded me of the line from the new Alice in Wonderland. She asks her father (she’s about 6) “Am I insane?” and he tells her very seriously that, YES, she is completely insane, bonkers, off her head. And then adds “But I’ll tell you a secret. All the best people are.”

  188. You are not suppose to peak in high school. This is what I tell my middle school students who are different, afraid, and heartbroken. If you peak in high school, you spend your whole life looking backwards.

    “All the best people are broken” is a beautiful line of prose.
    .-= kelly´s last blog ..7 Minutes You Won’t Get Back =-.

  189. This is terrific. Thank you for using this forum for sharing a very important message.

  192. This is heart breaking…thank you for sharing. I live in Ontario Canada, and we had a similar issue in my hometown at a Catholic school, the student was premitted to bring his date in the end, thankfully, however he had to fight long and hard for that right, and it is a right.
    .-= Mandolin´s last blog ..Why You Irritate Me =-.

  193. Beautifully said, Jenny.
    Not only are you funny, but thoughtful and compassionate and caring, too.
    Just what my inferiority complex needs: more reasons to covet all that is you. 😉
    .-= Daddy Scratches´s last blog ..Ready to crack =-.

  195. I just wanted to add that I think that a part of the problem in today’s society is that people have become accustomed to judging things on a very superficial basis, because often that’s all they have (with the advent of texting, Facebook, email, etc.) No one tries to talk anymore, to get to know one another anymore, and all that’s left is fear. Fear of one another, which leads to unfair judgment and unacceptable actions.

    We are all in this world just trying our best to get through each day and be the best person we can be. The more love and acceptance we can have for our fellow human being, the better off we will all be.
    .-= Mary @ Holy Mackerel´s last blog ..WTF me? =-.

  196. Not many guys here, but I’m willing to step forward and thank you for this post. I just found your site awhile ago, and man, you’re good writer. I really like your honesty, how your posts make us think and by looking the 188 comments before me, I think I’m not the only one.

    It’s true. We need broken people. Like you. To show the way to others who are or were broken. Like me. ‘Til we find a place where we can be whole.

    Thanks again for this.

  197. I just read this half asleep and from my phone and lemme tell ya, I did not expect to wake up and have crying hysterically be the first productive act of my day.
    Oh, well.
    I just wanted to say thank you. Even though I’m in my thirties, I’m still struggling to find that place where I fit. Thank you for loving even when it’s hard. It will make a difference.

  198. I’m so glad there are people like you who can love like that. I don’t know if I have it in me. But I don’t hate these people who can be so cruel to a young girl when they’re old enough to know better. I just feel sorry for them.
    .-= a´s last blog ..An open letter to Kodak =-.

  200. If my children went to that school and had told me they were going to skip the prom because a gay couple was going, I’d have a fit and wonder where I went wrong in raising them. The fact that parents not only supported their kids but helped them hold a “secret prom” is sickening.

    Thank you for raising awareness of this. And may Constance (and her girlfriend who is anonymous but no doubt has suffered a great deal too) go on to live the totally kick-ass lives they deserve.
    .-= Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..The scream =-.

  201. That whole fake prom thing sickened me. High school… fuck that, LIFE, isn’t hard enough already, especially for this girl, who had the metaphorical balls to not only be out but to take her girlfriend to prom. Then, the school throws a sham prom? What. the. fuck?

    This made me so mad. It was really like a bad teen movie but with no happy ending because Freddie Prinze Jr. didn’t swoop in with a monologue about tolerance.

    I hope she stands her ground. She’s going to go on to do great things. She take solace in the fact that those who turn their nose up at her will not, as they will become victims of their own ignorance.
    .-= The Faux Trixie´s last blog ..The Faux Trixie’s Guide for Men to Understanding Crazy Women =-.

  202. I’m shocked because this was obviously sponsored with the acknowledgment of parents. Seriously do these people really think this was the way to handle their issue? I thought that if you lived the word of the Lord that you followed his entire message not a few hand picked Old Testament passages.

    Thank you Jenny. Tolerance isn’t just a bumper sticker. And they might want to think about things first because what if God is keeping score just like they are?
    .-= Jenn´s last blog ..Flowers and Trees and Beer…Part Two =-.

  203. People desperately search for and long for true love. And it is a beautiful thing because it is unconditional. LOVED this post. It will make people think about showing true love.
    .-= RC´s last blog ..The Less Fortunate =-.

  204. Lovely, humane and heartfelt. Thank you for being a voice of compassion and sanity in a world that, at times, seems hellbent on destroying all that is “different.”

  205. nice, well-stated, snaps, etc. the only way to combat hate/ intolerance is to promote the opposite.

  206. Thank you for this post. In the last couple of years I’ve come to realize the number one thing I want my daughters to learn is tolerance and acceptance of ALL people, I want them to love and embrace any and every human being they cross paths with – even those with ugly hearts and souls. I want them to see differences as beautiful and intriguing. Just, Thank You.

  207. I read that yesterday and was totally fucking livid. That on top of the Pheobe Prince stories where people are acting like these ‘children’ shouldn’t be held responsible. Both make my blood pressure rise and get me all fiery inside. I’m sick of school administrators letting these kids get away with shit and I’m sick of them turning their backs on other students because…what?…they don’t matter? It’s completely unacceptable. It’s appalling.

    And now I’m angry again.
    .-= Heather B.´s last blog ..Just a thought =-.

  208. it is SO wrong that parents were behind it … makes me sick. if as parents this is happening … what is the world gonna look like in our future? so … i guess we just make damn sure that OUR children don’t develop that hatred … and hope like hell that they have enough confidence to take over the world.
    .-= jen´s last blog ..i wish i had a nice little title for this post. =-.

  210. You never fail to amaze me, in such a GOOD WAY! You are incredible.

    Can I take this time to say how angry I am at everyone that let the fake prom go on? How disgusting. And for teachers and the principal to be there… Why do people have to be so heartless? So bigoted?
    .-= Kendahl´s last blog ..SkinMD Discount Code! =-.

  211. I can’t begin to say how much this disgusts and saddens me. Personally, I think the ‘adults’ who sanctioned this activity hardly deserve the name. Way to be Christian, you towering rack of douche canoes.

    Jenny, thanks for sharing, even if you did cost me a laugh.

  212. You are a kind and wonderful person Jenny Lawson. I’m glad you are strong enough to stand up and post a blog like this even though it is much easier to want to scream, yell, and fight. I have never understood why cruelty was tolerated and it breaks my heart when I see it go uncorrected.

    I have hope that we will all do the right thing by one another one day. I am constantly terrified for my girls (my clients actuallly but I hate that word because it’s so clinical) who are all Mentally Disabled and have jobs out in the public eye. I know every day is a struggle for them faced with jackasses who try to take advatage of them and I would honestly beat every one of them to hell if I could. However, I find it a much better use of my time to be there when they come back to their home and make them laugh. Make them smile and enjoy the people they are in the lives they lead.

    So, I know what it took to post this.

    I’m proud of you and my love for you and your uniqueness in this world just got a little deeper. Thank you, Bloggess.

  214. Honestly, you’re a better woman than I, Jenny. Reading this link gave me the shakes. I don’t think I would be functional today if I tried to watch the clip. As it is, I have decided today is the day to handwash my huge woolen bedspread in the tub, since that will be a good outlet for Fury.
    I’m not Christian, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand the tenants of the faith. Jesus intentionally loved the outsiders, the ‘thems’. He hung out with whores and lepers. If you profess to follow Christ, why the hell don’t you try to actually follow his teachings? Seriously? And, for the record, lesbians are cool in the bible, its sodomy that gets frowned on. So to exclude some kids with disabilities and a couple of lesbians from the prom has NO foundation in scripture, and is directly opposite what Jesus says to do.

    I don’t understand our world sometimes. These people and Fred Phelps and countless others… I just don’t get it.

  216. Yo, Bloggess. Thank you so much for this. I’m from Mississippi. Born and raised and can tell you so many horror stories that were equally as bad, just not publicized. If you get a chance, go read what I wrote today. Its my personal experience.
    .-= Momma Pug´s last blog ..It Ain’t Easy Being Green =-.

  218. I love you. You make me laugh and cry and think. Thanks for posting this, it’s just as important, if not more important than your funny posts.

  219. Jenny,

    You are a better person than I am. Being able to forgive can be such a relief – it frees one from the control of those who injure us. But for some of us, it takes a much longer time.

    “The new white,” now that is keeping up with the spirit of inclusiveness of the post – labeling an entire ethnic group.
    .-= mousebert´s last blog ..What I have learned =-.

  220. Thank you for this post. It is ridiculous how much hate and bigotry there is in the world. You hit it spot on: we’ve got to love the assholes to show them that love is bigger than hate.
    .-= LiHuMa´s last blog ..March 2010 Mix =-.

  221. First, I want to reiterate the comments that said – I love you – because you are awesome (but would love you even if you weren’t!). I come here because you are funny – and have loved you for the laughs. I read this and thought – I love her because she is socially aware – but even more so because you are choosing not to hate. My jaw dropped at this – done not just to her but other “unworthy” students – or even that the school would allow a “secret” / private prom. WTF!? Is it not bad enough that somehow schools manage to be these places of exclusion for anyone different – those not invited to parties or the other private social events? Way to let that extend to the school events like prom too!

    I remember reading a book in college (Operating Instructions – it was the diary of a single Mom’s first year – in a pre-internet world) where the author said – it was scary to have a baby because she KNEW that one day that child who *have* to be in 7th grade and 7th grade just sucks for all. It’s a thought that comes back to me with my own child – we can’t stop / prevent the awkward age and the meanness that accompanies it (and truthfully, surviving it does make the best people), but we don’t have to EFFING sanction it!

    I’ve recently been reading the stories about kids committing suicide over bullying in MA and all this crap is just scaring me so much for the tiny person I love so much.
    .-= My Baby Sweetness´s last blog ..Dating and the married mom, part II =-.

  222. I grew up in the south, and know first-hand what these people are like. My mother was one of these people. I have wondered thousands and thousands of times how the people who claim to be part of the faithful can be so hateful and cruel and ignorant. I learned early on to just keep my beliefs to myself when in the midst of my family. I also made sure that my children grew up knowing that ALL people should be respected, no matter what they heard from their grandmother. I may not have been the perfect parent, and I may have made mistakes along the way, but that one thing my children learned–and they learned it well.

    Our local art guild invites ALL people who love to create to come and join us. We have a most diverse group. One young member, extremely gifted, stopped coming for a while. Everyone knew that she was going through some mental conflicts. Finally I heard from her, only now she was becoming a he. He wanted to know if I thought people would accept him if he came back. We talked for quite a while, and he came to the next meeting. People welcomed him and encouraged him in his journey, and in his great talent. He has since moved on to bigger and better things, but I still think about him and wish him love and success.

  223. Jesus christ-
    the news article made me angry-what you wrote made me cry. I know that “Dr Pepper” post went viral-I hope this one does too. What an incredible, moving and true piece of writing. Thanks Jenny,
    Sunny

  224. This made me super cry.

    It makes me remember being twelve years old, and having people I didn’t know harass me and call me names daily, and the emotional wall I had to construct between myself and other people just to survive. It’s painful being different, and she is lucky that there are people in the world who care that she is being treated wrongly and will stand up for her.

    I hope I can find my tribe someday 🙂

  226. Pingback: the compassion of gardening « The Journey

  228. Thank you for using your rather powerful platform in this way. Though it is *very* easy to lose sight of, hatred only breeds more hate. Also, non-broken people are a fucking snoozefest. I love you.

  229. I write this as a mom of a daughter who has always struggled wither her weight and was bullied all throughout school. She has risen above it and got a great education. However, to my horror, she left her last job (that she loved and had been there for 3 years and promoted 3 times) because the women in the accounting department constantly belittled her for her weight. I told her to go to the labour board but she said it is such a small town she didn’t want to ruin any chances of getting employment there. I think to myself what kind of Mother’s at ages 45-55 would harass a girl who could be their child? I know how my daughter was mentally affected by all of this and feel hopeless. We MUST stop this abuse, when we wonder why kids are killing kids, this is it, the reason. They have taken all they can and we, as adults, can’t do enough to help them. When we routinely complained to the school they had all kinds of excuses “they come from a bad family situation, no-one actually saw her being teased etc” I look back and wish I had done so much more. I hope someone reads this and takes care of things better than I did.

  230. First of all, I love you. You know this already, I’m sure. I fell in love with Jenny the humorist, so I think that Jenny-serious made me sit up and listen even more. This world sucks. People do Sh#tty things to each other. The best we can do is use our voices as a whole to fight the intolerance. I live in a small, super-wealthy, super-pretentious town, and as much as I hate to admit it, this is something my high school would’ve done. I am poor (by my town’s standards), my family grew up poor, and going to my high school was torture. But instead of using that as an excuse for becoming a crappy human being, I feel like it made me a more empathetic and understanding person (at least I hope it did…)

    I guess I just wanted to throw my voice into the mix to say how awesome I think you are, and how strong I think Constance and her peers are for enduring this disgusting display of our fucked-up society, and to all the nameless people that have no doubt endured something similar. I agree with Sunny up there, I hope this ish gets spread. Thanks, Jenny, for putting into words what so many of us feel…

  231. That bit at the end was just what I needed to hear today – Thank you.

  237. It’s people that take the high road who are responsible for change. Who you love doesn’t make you a bad person, neither does who you hate. Thank you for loving those who are so far from loving themselves.

    “The highest result of education, is tolerance” – Helen Keller

  238. I will pile on with so many others before me and say thank you for this piece. I hope this will somehow reach tribes other than this one – some of the far-too-many who enjoy mocking those that they perceive to be different from themselves and, therefore, wrong or unworthy.

    While I am trying to heed your advice and love those people despite themselves, it sure is tough. It’s tough because they aren’t even trying. They prefer to spread the hate. And there are too many public voices that are encouraging them to be that way.

  239. Wow, that’s a disgrace. I am in total agreeance with you and also I am guilty of not being as tolerant to differences as I should be. I hope if anything this experience made Constance a stronger person and I hope Karma comes back to bite those in the community right in their asses.

    You rule !
    .-= Robbie´s last blog ..WTF Moments and It’s Only Hump Day =-.

  240. Oh God, I thought it was bad enough they wouldn’t let her go to prom- I am honestly having a hard time believing that people would be this thoughtlessly cruel in this day and age. It’s really disturbingly reminiscent of the 1965 Jones Valley High Prom: http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=XSAfAAAAIBAJ&sjid=qacEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6862,5131613

    Thank you for writing this. Thank you for being broken and beautiful because you give me hope when things like this make me start to lose it.

  243. It’s incredibly hard to respond to hate with love. Our natural instinct is to be angry, to want to shake these people and scream at them until they see the error of their ways. Instead, you gave them the Care Bear Stare. I’m shocked and sickened by this situation but your response gives me hope that tolerance and understanding can triumph over ignorance and hate. *hugs you*
    .-= Ashley´s last blog ..Weaning the Mama =-.

  244. Jenny, I do love you, but I’d really like to just keep this physical for a while.

    I would like to hear that some kids refused to participate in the fake prom. A reason why their school shouldn’t be nuked from orbit. The fact that no one told her anything before hand doesn’t give me a lot of hope.

    I’ve caught up with some of my high school friends on FB, and we had a moment of “why were we so horrible to X?”. A few are teachers now and don’t know how to deal with it. I was never particularly bad after say kindergarten, but I only took up for people a few times.

    A few kids I could understand ostracizing, because they were really horrible (and sometimes dangerous) kids, but some I never understood. Charlotte was inexplicable to me… I think she did something gross in 3rd grade (before I had even moved to that school) and was ostracized for the rest of her school life. I often wondered what happened to her, whether she went to college and got to start over, whether she got to start over someplace new and found someone to love her and have a family, etc. Or was she forever broken, afraid of other people and wondering what was so wrong with her until she became one of the 80 successful suicides per day.

    There are so many “the worst part of this” aspects, I can’t decide which is actually the worst. Even the worst kids were largely made that way by their families. some were surely abused at home as well, and that was what started them on the road to being outcasts. Likewise, many of the worst kid abusers of other kids were supported in it by their families. The teachers and principals surely saw it, and never did anything.

    This girl seems strong enough to take the stupidity. I would guess she will have the best story of her lesbian friends of the crap she had to put up with, and will become someone they look up to.

  246. I just don’t get how something like this can still happen. What’s the matter with everybody? Who wants to get involved in such a heavily orchestrated plot anyway? Love all the people, but you’ve got to accept that some people will just never, ever learn to set their differences aside and get on with it.

    As for us (your readers) and you being a ‘stranger’ on the internet, well, I dunno, I don’t think of it that way. I may not have been around here that long, but enough to think of all of us as the kids (broken or otherwise) from all over the place, spending time and making the effort to connect, in whatever way we can and making each other laugh. Which is kind of cool, I think. But I’m a little naive that way 😉
    .-= Jo´s last blog ..I like my coffee like I like my men… In a Cliff Richard mug. =-.

  247. well said. i’ve always had lgbt friends and thought nothing of the fact that they’re different. hell, that’s why we get along so well. and it makes me crazy sick to see someone judging them by what they see or mistreating them. unfortunately these hateful ignorant people throw religion around like its their god given right to judge someone because they are “christian” and you are not.

    i feel nothing but awe at this girl’s courage and nothing but loathing and sadness at her classmates and their families. They have no idea how wonderful this young woman is and don’t understand how much their lives may be impacted for the better by just getting to know her, to open their minds and arms to accept this person as she is. She’s not perfect. She’s like the rest of us, she just wants to be herself and be loved for it.

    Your post was incredibly well written. I have such a hard time trying to fight other’s hate with love but you have shown me it can be done, so thank you.

    Jen

  248. I. Love. You. Thank you for sticking up for those of us who don’t have as strong a voice as you.

  249. Jenny, it never fails to astound me how amazing you are. I know this post is about us or people in general or people who feel alone, but somehow all I can think about is you — how you seem so silly and fun and strong, but every once in a while we get these glimpses of your amazing heart, you are so smart and creative and thoughtful and loving, and that’s why you are an amazing person yourself. I’m sharing this entry with everyone I know.

  250. I feel like I want to leave 9089878 more comments about 100 different things this post made me think of…namely, YES, PEOPLE, you will find your place. It will suck giant donkey balls until you find it, but you WILL and you will be happy and you will look back at all that nastiness and remember how much it sucked…and be that much more grateful for what you have now.

  251. I signed the petition immediately! Just reading about the atrocities that continue to happen to this girl made me almost throw up. You think, “It’s 2010! Surely the world is a better place”; then you learn it’s not. Thank you for bringing this to our attention and for your kind words
    .-= Graygrrrl´s last blog ..Women’s Writes- When the Past meets the Present =-.

  253. Jenny, great post. It is damned hard to still love bigots, though. Hatefulness and intolerance aren’t real cuddly traits. And I’m confused about the “broken” label – I sure don’t think that LGBT people are broken in any way. Maybe I’m just slow about understanding your meaning there.

    This is so similar to a situation years ago with a black girl sent to a fake prom: http://news.google.com/newspapers?id=XSAfAAAAIBAJ&sjid=qacEAAAAIBAJ&pg=6862,5131613

    Civil rights have come a long way since then. Wonder how many years it will be before we have a gay or lesbian president? It will happen, it’s just a matter of time.

  254. You are Jesus. Or Canadian. Either way, don’t go all zombie on us, ok?

    Seriously: I love you. I feel like on the outside I’m all normal, but inside, something quite different. You make me think “meh, that’s ok too” and feel all Zen about it (instead of constantly freaking out). You’re Canadian-Buddha-Jesus.

    This has focussed me on “what do *I* do/think that might be less than tolerant?” (and then “what are you going to do about that?”). Thanks Canadian-Buddha-Jesus. OOOOMMM.
    .-= harmzie´s last blog ..Influence =-.

  256. Jenny, you never fail to prove to me (and everyone else) that you’re even more generous and kind, that generosity and kindness radiate from every pore of your porn-loving, saintly skin, than was advertised.

    I’m giving you a day. A Saint Jenny Day. (I’ll figure out which day after I finish this bottle of Zima.) It’ll be a day where buy each other dildos and donate to good causes and hug the ones who are the most different and scary-seeming to us, and toast to you with grenadine-enhanced Zima.

    *slams bottle of Zima, wipes mouth vigorously*

    Okay. Zima down. Am ready to name the date. I declare Saint Jenny Day to be December 29th. (It’s perfect, and not just bc it’s on your birthday; it’ll be a nice break to drink Zima and celebrate you while giving hugs to strangers in between Xmas/wine/presents and New Year’s/champagne/list-making. Refreshing.)

    (Wait. December 29th *is* your birthday, right?)

    (I’m killing my secretary if she’s wrong. Also, I’m my own secretary. SO SHE BETTER NOT BE WRONG.)

  257. (Which means that you’re going to have change your birthday to December 29th if it’s not already that day, unless you WANT my secretary’s (my) blood on your hands.)

    (Don’t worry. You’ll adjust eventually. Getting your parents and family used to the idea will probably be more challenging. But TOTES worth it. If you care about my secretary.)
    .-= Debbie, i obsess´s last blog ..moving day. =-.

  258. THANK YOU for this. This is our LIFE. We only get one shot at it. We all just want a little love. Is that too much to ask? Kindness and decency and respect?
    You get what you give. Give love.
    Move over, Mrs. Cline – I wanna stand on your chair with you and clap with you.

  260. The worst part of this whole debacle is that it doesn’t surprise me. Having survived small town homophobia, I just can’t feel love for those people right now. I feel revulsion, anger, sadness and a sense of futility. In a few days I’ll feel love because I do agree that you have to be pretty broken to inflict this kind of exclusion on another person. I’m glad that is your response. Ultimately, it’s the only productive one.

    I feel such admiration for this young woman. Firstly, because she stood up for what she needed. Secondly, because despite all of the hurt she managed to find some positive in the situation when she stated that she was glad the special needs kids had the greatest time at the prom because it was a safe space for them. To find good when people are behaving so abominably toward oneself (especially at that young age) is the sign of an excellent character. I see great things ahead for Ms. Constance.
    .-= pseudo invert´s last blog ..My knight in shining Gore-tex. =-.

  262. You’re right….I did come here to laugh….and call your husband names…..but whatever…a pep talk from you is even better….guess I needed the pep talk more than I needed to giggle…
    Just to be safe, I’m going back to the night squirrel post bc its fucking hilarious

    XOXO
    .-= singlemomma_cc´s last blog ..It’s different this year….. =-.

  265. This despicable act makes me so ashamed to live in Mississippi. I’ve often wanted to move and live in a more tolerant, liberal place. But this Baptist college town where gay protesters are are arrested for trespassing and the war mongerer Karl Rove is welcomed with open arms…I will never leave, never let them chase me out of town. What Constance and the others are going through is far worse, and may they be given the strength to get through this and heal. THANK YOU JENNY for speaking out.

  266. BLESS YOU and for all those your are speaking up for. If nothing else, I hope Constance sues the hell out of those f-ers, changes history, opens the eyes of the world, and becomes rich and famous off a book about her story. But she deserves so much more.

    Much love and peace to you 🙂
    .-= Kernut´s last blog ..Coming for TMI Thursday: Sex In Carson City =-.

  267. Jenny, this so totally blew me away I had to dedicate an entire blog post to it. And to you.

    Now, don’t go off and get a swelled head on us. Or get yourself nailed to a cross. Neither one would be cool.

    ~EdT.
    .-= EdT.´s last blog ..THIS is why I believe =-.

  268. Amen. I only hope you can touch someone’s heart and help them to move towards tolerance and love and away from bigotry and hate…

    xxoo,

    Rocky Mountain Woman

  269. love u, jenny. <3 You touch my heart a million different ways every week. No one should be subjected to what that child was put through, but it will make HER stronger in the long run. I know. I was "different" too. Not homosexual different, but the kind of different that people can't articulate, but use it as an excuse to do or say a million and one nasty things. I've finally found my place in the world. I'm comfortable in my own skin. And I would never go back to those high school days when I was ridiculed mercilessly, and made to feel like a freak. The Bible tells us that loving one another is the fulfillment of all other commands. If people would simply love her, they would do the GODLY thing. The Godly thing is to love her where she is, not react to her out of fear and loathing.
    .-= Super G´s last blog ..Visions of Africa, Part 2 =-.

  272. Great post. Initially reading that story, I was so mad that I wanted to go scream my head off at those who let this happen to Constance. I’m a 17 year old girl in high school, and even though I’m not homosexual, I know what it feels like to be ostracized. We all do. Even though I’m still mad, thank you for helping me to change that anger into love. It’s a hard thing to do. If you hadn’t mentioned it, I never would have thought of resorting to love as a reaction to this. Thank you.
    .-= Megan´s last blog ..I’m surprised she still talks to me, but not really because who wouldn’t want to be friends with a super hero? Exactly. =-.

  273. Thank you. I always thought there were others out there, thanks for letting me know I belong in your tribe.

  274. Diogenes searched endlessly for an honest man. Seems compassion is just as hard to find. I’ve been told to stay out of Texas. Guess I’ll have to add Mississippi to my list. Damn. Pretty soon I’ll have no where to go.

    CorneliusButterfield.com
    .-= Cornelius Butterfield´s last blog ..A Loaded Gun? Well I’ll Be =-.

  276. I read about this on jezebel this am & my first thought was how big a lawsuit can/will be brought against the organizers of the ‘secret prom’ since they also kept out some special ed students? this has to be a massive violation of the many disabilities acts in the public education system.I really look forward to the outcome of all this. I’m sure those parents thought they were being ever so clever, but in discriminating against some students other than ” the lesbian” I hope they really started a shitstorm that they won’t be able to escape. sorry I couldn’t play the make nice not angry game today, but sometime these humans are such a waste of oxygen
    .-= Boot~C´s last blog ..March Bead Show =-.

  277. That was a great post. I agree with you that everyone has the right to say and do what they want. I just don’t understand why people have to use that right to hurt others. You are a better person than me because I think those people suck and I don’t love them. I wish I could. But I don’t. I feel too bad for that poor kid. I mean, people, seriously, this is a kid. Who is she really hurting? I just hope that she realizes that there is a big world out there and not everyone in it feels like the people in her town. Thank you for posting this and helping people realize just how far we have left to go before we can say that the world is a nice place.

  278. What a lovely, poignant sentiment. I wholeheartedly agree.

    …And then I felt guilty because every time I hear that song, I think of the misheard lyric that she’s “trying hard to fill the emptiness. The pizza’s gone.” I totally swear that doesn’t diminish my sincere wish for the world to be more understanding, though.
    .-= Curiosity´s last blog ..Squee =-.

  280. I know it’s hard to keep up hope when you read about something like this, but I wanted to share the following: I live in the Silicon Valley, and recently, the students at Gunn High School were faced with the prospect of being picketed by <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westboro_Baptist_Church”>Westboro Baptist Church.

    See the video for their response. Just when you thought all hope was lost, along comes a bunch of high school kids to rock us all where we stand with their sheer blinding awesomeness.

    Rock on, grown-ups of tomorrow! You renew my faith daily…

  282. Sometimes when you’re serious you make me cry. The weird thing is I like it almost as much as when you make me laugh. ((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

  283. What a beautifully written post…I’m just hearing about this secret prom and can’t believe it. I love your response and will try to follow your example and not curse those people to hell because of their hurtful actions.
    .-= Kim´s last blog ..Michelle =-.

  284. First time you made me cry.
    You ARE right. And they are wrong.
    Some things are just that simple.
    Now, the loving part is also right, but much, much harder.

  286. Wonderfully put. I could not agree with you more.

    I’ve never understood how anyone can hate or even dislike others because of how they “categorize” them. I mean, I have trouble hating someone who’s actually personally attacked me… verbally of course, it get physical and bitch is going down. I don’t care who they are… but maybe that’s just me. I don’t hate easily. And when I do it is generally for a very good reason. How do people have the motivation to hate based on someone’s sexual orientation or the color of their skin? I guess I’m just too lazy for that. Also, I’m not an asshole.

  287. Love. Thank you for sharing this. Whenever I feel like the world hates everyone and nobody can really be who they want, I listen to Amanda Palmer. And her new song is absolutely perfect for this.

    Caring about what people say about you gives them power over you. If you can step back and say, no, this is my life, and if the only prom I’m welcome at is the one with the social misfits then I’m gonna go and make sure it’s a fucking awesome party and to hell with everyone else–then you’re free. I wish we could all do that.
    .-= Edana´s last blog ..blechhh =-.

  288. Pingback: WTF Wednesday: This Was Not What I Wanted To Write About Today |

  290. Hi Jenny,

    i don’t remember if I’ve commented before, but I do want to say that I love your website and I think you are a great person for writing this (inparticular). Is that a word or is it just something we say in the South. It doesnt’ look right. I’m not always the most tolerant person in the world and I don’t know why, I’m definately not anywhere near perfect. I have worked with and had a few gay friends and there is absolutely nothing different about them than any of my other friends, I’ve ever had. Anywho, I think your on the right track, sister. Keep up the good work.

  291. I’m not surprised that this post has gotten so many comments; this is a powerful story. Every day I read about another instance of failed humanity such as this. The humiliation and rage they must have felt will haunt those kids their entire lives, and there is no excuse for such cruelty. Everyone involved with this, kids and adults alike, knew it was wrong, knew it would hurt these students, but they did it anyway; hell, half of them probably did it just for that reason alone. Many will use religion as an excuse for their behavior, but I just don’t see Jesus taking part in this shit.

    My heart hurts for these students, who still have to go to school with these cocksicles. Fuckety Fuck Fuck Fuck! I wish I could hug them and hold them until the hurt went away.

  292. Thank you. And YOU ARE RIGHT. I can’t imagine the amount of people you get emailing you who you KNOW are “those people”, the ones who may think no one cares about them. NOT EVEN ONE PERSON. I have been that person. And it’s about the worse place to be on EARTH. Every time I hear a story like this or a kid committed suicide I think “NO!!! FUCK WHY! I WISH I KNEW YOU! I WOULD HAVE SAT WITH YOU, WENT TO PROM WITH YOU, BEEN YOUR FRIEND AT SCHOOL, CALLED YOU ON THAT ONE DAY WHEN YOU THOUGHT NO CARED!” It breaks my heart, horribly.
    Isolating a person like that is just as bad a putting a gun to their head. It has taken me YEARS to move out of “isolation” mode, and then move past the “I wish I could figure out a clean way to kill myself” – but the only thing that stopped me was flashes in my head of what my family would look like when they found me or remembered times with me, all because I couldn’t take it ONE more day. And then on to “I am gonna be ok” mode, which still sucks sometimes because it’s a fight to stay up. It’s hard enough as an adult, let alone a teenager.

    People need to understand there are ALL KINDS of people – gay, straight, overweight, underweight, weird, abused, awkward, shy, poor, racist, spoiled…But we all are “those people” some days or every day.

    I spent years feeling horrible for the kids I “bullied” in High School. Then I realized I was bullying the bullies! and didn’t feel so bad for punching Angie Rodriguez in her face and making her cry, for picking on my quadriplegic student I trying to teach to SWIM. Of course my meanness doesn’t make it right but I stood up for someone who couldn’t do it for themselves. (No pun intended) I wish kids now a days had more balls, to put the little fuckers, “mean popular” kids or the ignorant ones in their place or be their friend! Maybe they are just as confused and scared as you!?

    No one cares if I fix the invoice that makes this multi-billion dollar company 100k. But they DO care if my tattoo’s show or if my hair is too purple. It’s no different than high school. Just because we are not in high school anymore doesn’t mean it’s done. I still have this inner “fight for the “weird” or different kids” and worked for years at a shelter and with special needs programs. Working at these places and developing relationships with them made me realize how much my corporate job sucks ass and what life really is about. My co-workers complain about the 401k plan changing again, and laugh at me when I say “oh, ok”. I DON’T CARE ABOUT THIS SHIT. This is not a “real issue”. Go home assholes! Talk to your kids, see what they are doing, know who they are friends with, who they are not friends with and why? How do you know your kid is not the one screaming inside and smiling outside? Or the kid who is picking on the kid who is screaming inside?

    This is the first and longest time, I have commented on TheBlogess but it truly struck me. I appreciate you using your “powers” for good, not just hilariousness’s. Also your post “Suicide is never the answer. Even to word problems” and “One day I will be normal” brought me to uncontrollable sobbing tears, because even though it wasn’t to me, it was personal to me. I won’t pour my life story out here but to you and anyone who reads this – I have been there, “the black hole”, “the wall” as I call it, the “maybe I just won’t wake up”…I have been there. And even though everyone says “it will get better” and you want to punch them in the throat…its true, it will get better. Look for the SMALLEST amount of good and sometimes you can see glimpses…rinse and repeat….look for the good. It’s there.
    .-= BigButterHeysus´s last blog ..WTF! I have had to go before but SERIOUSLY? you just NASTY LADY! =-.

  293. Not having read any of the other comments (yet), I wonder, is there even the tiniest iota of hope that at least some of those students did not know they were participating in that discriminatory prom? Or was *everyone* in on it? My heart breaks.

    And I have to tell you, as someone who loves my gay friends but is still a bit uncomfortable seeing public displays of affection, by the end, all I was seeing was the sweetness and love between those two men, nothing more and nothing less. Thank you.

    PS – another way to say “I love you and I want you to love me”: If you can’t see God in all, you can’t see God at all. We are all One.
    .-= gurukarm (@karma_musings)´s last blog ..The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks =-.

  294. Pingback: The Suburban Bohemian » Blog Archive » Don’t Hate the South: Some of Us Function Through Love

  296. Thank you.

    Thank you for your kind words and thank you for your strength and thank you for your humour.

    Thank you for making me cry.

    I don’t know you, but I love you too.

  297. I posted an article with a link to your blog in my blog. I hope that’s okay. I promise it was done with the best of intentions and high praise. Here is an excerpt I’d like to share:
    ——————————————
    In 2000, I attended the Soccastee High School prom with a girl. There were no questions asked. There were no raised eyebrows. There were no death threats. There was no press coverage. There was no picketing, no rallying, no angry parents screaming about how we were evil and wrong. There was only a prom in a small town in South Carolina where everyone did the same things that all teenagers do at proms across the country – got nervous beforehand, ate at a restaurant while way overdressed, danced a little, talked about what everyone else was wearing, got drunk afterward, perhaps lost their virginities, etc.

    Whether or not we attended the prom together as friends or as lovers was never asked of us by anyone. Nobody pointed and laughed when we had our picture taken together. Nobody made snide remarks under their breath. Nobody stopped and stared when we went out on the dance floor together. It was peaceful. It was normal.

    This was ten years ago in a state that only took the Confederate flag off their capital building a month later.

    My point is that there is hope. Just like in any group of people, the loudmouthed, ignorant idiots cannot be expected to define the whole bunch.

    Although it is rare in America’s Southeast, I was raised in a family that believed in unconditional love. My parents and grandparents taught me to be colorblind, to ignore others’ social statuses, to believe in the goodness of people without smothering them with stereotypes before I’ve even met them. In my house, anyone was welcome around our family’s dinner table as long as they used their manners and didn’t smoke or drink in the house. My family taught me to forgive people who wanted to hate me and judge me and make my life difficult because they thought I was different. They taught me not to fight hatred with hatred and how I would be a better, more peaceful person if I learned to forgive and love. My parents told me that this is what Jesus taught and that’s why they were proud to call themselves Christian. I don’t think they ever thought that hatred was an option, even though I’m sure they were tempted on a daily basis.

    This is what I was taught to believe. This is what I intend to instill in my child(ren).
    I am not unique because of these traits. And I am Southern, too.
    .-= Castallare´s last blog ..Things I Love About Being Southern: Tea and “Honey” =-.

  298. When I was a Senior, our school had two proms as well – the Black kids prom and the white kids prom. I went to neither because it was all a stupid case of parents getting their issues in the way of their kids’ fun.

    My greatest sin is judging judgemental people, so I’m going to have to really work on this one. Sounds like we have a whole lot of adults’ issues getting in the way of kids’ fun. Perhaps someone could step in and provide an even better dance party for the girl, and let her make the invites…
    .-= Plano Mom´s last blog ..Random 7 =-.

  301. There is no “THEM”. We’re all “US” and NONE of us is the same as any other. As one who might be a little more different, I’m still more like everyone else than I sometimes want to admit, especially when those people are the ones like this who piss me off so damn much. But you are totally fucking awesome! Thank you SO much for reminding me that the only way that all this will change for the better is to let the hate go and hold on to the love.
    .-= Jami´s last blog ..Miscellaneous stolen stuff =-.

  303. About the time the prom story was going on, the Westboro Baptist Church was in the news for picketing the funerals of U.S. soldiers. No one denounced the church for its central hatred — the safest hatred in the world to have — the hatred of homosexuals. It is justified as an issue of morality, but my observation is that it is really about using the government to impose the beliefs of certain religions on everyone to control our reproductive lives so they get the largest number of babies to become followers. In other words, their real motives are greed and lust for power. There’s only so much of this I can stand, so I wrote about how selective the outrage toward the Westboro Baptist Church was. And then I celebrated April Fool’s Day with a post having its leader come out as a proud gay man.

    I couldn’t write about the prom story — it made me too emotional — but thanks to you, I will soon and I will link your post. Thank you, my dear, for doing this. I love you with all my heart — just the way you are.
    .-= Cynthia Yockey, A Conservative Lesbian´s last blog ..Dude, it was Shane, played by Kate Moennig =-.

  304. Thanks for writing this…I didn’t have the words to address this act of cruelty.

  305. i normally read and don’t comment. today though, i felt like i needed to come say thank you. thank you jenny. truly.

  310. I am one of the ones that reads your blog religiously, and very seldom comment, but todays post made me cry. I didn’t cry because when I was 17 years old I could have used those words more than ever. You are an amazing, compassionate, woman and I just want to say thank you!

  311. you’re so right, jenny. but don’t you dare discount any of those letters about how great and understanding you are — they’re right, too.

  312. Again, it can’t be said enough, as you said in your post and Jami said above, there is no THEM. Do I think what those parents did is abhorrent? You betcha. Do I wish there was no sexism racism homophobism ageism orgism (no, wait, I want that) ? Yes, I wish it was all gone. But I can’t sit here and say I want to stab them or punch them or whatever, because that puts me on their level. Truly.

    I feel the same way about the health care bill- both extremes are pulling out their long knives on each other, and I just want to scream, “Really? There is NO compromise? Can’t we all just get along?”

    “And that I know that I am imperfect and I am changing and that I hope you can too.”
    You are right on, as usual. I love you.
    .-= Julie, The Wife´s last blog ..The Achy Breaky Two Tone Snooky Do =-.

  314. I know you are right. The problem is I’m going to have a hard time NOT being angry anymore. At least until some kind of justice is done. The school and the adults deserve a harsh sentence. The kids deserve similar treatment to understand the depth of emotion involved. This is not something you can right with words or actions. Constance is a hero whether she knows it or not. So are you, Jenny.
    .-= Yolanda Facio´s last blog ..Becoming a Better Marketer – Part Three =-.

  317. love…

    tearing up…

    then content blocked by vevo 😐

    🙂 thanks for the post.

  319. What a great response. I admit I was angry- I was pissed off – after of course I picked my jaw up off of the floor. But anger gets us no where- love will get us much further- When I read about this I wondered about the parents and why are they not modeling good behavior for their children? But I will, I promise.
    .-= mountainmomma18´s last blog ..There is totally a tone… =-.

  320. *tear* … Jenny, you are a stronger person than I. And you are right.

  322. I couldn’t believe the ignorance of the school when I first heard this story…now I can’t believe the utter depth of hatred I feel for these weak-minded, poor-ass excuse for human beings that would set up a “fake” prom…I can’t even quite wrap my head around it yet…Thank you for posting this.
    .-= Rachel´s last blog ..Dating 101: What Not to Say in the First 30 Seconds =-.

  323. and for anyone on FaceBook… there is a horrible group formed to add to the hatred and and abuse against Constance (which I will not link to) and another formed in response to support her and remind her (and everyone) that there are a lot of people out here in support of the tribe of the damaged and different.
    http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=112012145489333

    Thank you Jenny.

  324. I love you too.

    It’s amazing how reaching out even over the interwebs can make you feel better.

    So, Thank you.
    .-= Kim´s last blog ..Puppies! =-.

  325. New to your blog and what an incredible first post to read. I’ve been following this story and I’m so sad to hear about this. My heart breaks for that girl and everyone else who’s been shamed for being themselves.

  326. Jenny, thank you for your response. The only way to defeat hatred is with love. This was the central message of the guy who’s death (and, some of us believe, life after) we acknowledged last week, one that a lot of his own followers sometimes forget. Any fool, any sinner can love people who love them. Loving people who hate is harder, but it is THE ONLY thing that works, the only thing that can defeat hate.

    Thank you for your love. Please know that it is returned to you many times over.

  331. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Spreading love is infinitely better than spreading hate. Thank you for reminding us that the thing we all have in common is our humanity.

  333. Thank you for posting this! I came onto your blog tonight looking for a little humor, and in that “universe screaming at you” kind of way, this was exactly what I needed to read.

  334. Actually, I think it’s our similarities that make us strong.

    Lovely post.

  335. you are wonderful. and i love this post.

    but.

    the only mentions i can find of this are circular and lead back to the same couple of blogs – this hasn’t actually (that i could find) been a news article. i’ve emailed the advocate, since there’s nothing on their site about it either, and you’d think it would be on the front page. so am i the worst researcher ever, or did this not actually happen?
    .-= Ericka´s last blog ..Pots, Bowls & Mugs – Part 2: Incoming =-.

  338. Thank you for writing this… Thank you for the reminder that we all need to stand together to oppose hatred, and that the best weapon we have is love… All of us raising children need to try that much harder.

  339. I am one of those ‘broken people’. I have a chronic condition, and I have help at university. The people in my classes do not speak to me, in fact they ignore me. It used to bother me, but now I think why would I want to be friends with people like that? It’s pathetic and sad that they chose to ignore me, because I am an awesome person- their loss!

    Well done on the excellent post. I wish there was more love and understanding in the world. Over here in the UK, an MP has said that Christian hotel owners should be allowed to turn away gay couples. That’s not very Christian is it?

    I’m putting this up on FB, and hope some of my friends will read and pass on. Luckily, we don’t judge (much!) other people, and couldn’t give a crap were you like to be poked for funsies.
    .-= Forgetful Girl´s last blog ..Blog Carnival & a quick message =-.

  340. Beautiful response, dear Bloggess. This is unfreakin’ believable. I have to admit my first response was not one of love.

  341. Nothing new about any of this.
    This country was founded on cruelty.
    It continues to be cruel————-especially if you’re not white, rich, privileged, male, intelligent, manipulative, egotistic.
    We need to hold the abusers accountable for their actions.
    Otherwise they will simply go on hurting people for all their invented reasons.
    We’ve been openly killing Mideastern people for the last 8 years———-and the average American doesn’t even blink.

  348. You are a noble being. I’m not sure I can take your high road, but I will try. To love the unloveable is almost impossible. To love the ignorant, the hate mongers… I don’t know if I’m up for it.

    The essence of decent humanity is right there in your post. We are all one, made of the same matter, no matter who we are, no matter our color, no matter who we choose to love. Hate verses hate never solved anything. It might change the world, but never for the better.

    I live in a too small southern town and the outcry against giving the same rights to gays, inalienable rights meant for every single one of us, shames me to the core. I, too, am not perfect. I am a judger of vast proportion when it comes to bad drivers, bad fashion, and ignorance. But, I will try. For all of those who march to the beat of their own fine drummer. For my gay friends, who are not allowed by law to be the legal mother to their partner’s child because of their sexual preference. For those mired in the depths of ignorance and hatred. I will try to love, Jenny. It’s a tall order. But I will try.

    Shiny Toy Guns-Seasons Of Love
    Love, feel love
    Every question, every answer too
    Ever constant, ever changing you
    It’s all memory in the sun
    Or it’s all in the darkness
    Maybe it’s all around
    To see if we try
    And maybe it’s been inside of me
    All this time
    Love, love, love
    Love, love, love
    .-= joann mannix´s last blog ..I’d Be A Twit Of A Twitterer Updated =-.

  349. “All the best people are broken”… Word!
    Great post!
    Although I don’t think “screaming in fury” would have been completely inappropriate…
    Hugs!

  350. We recently heard from our daughter, who owns a CPA firm in NOLA. One of her clients, a big hotel in the city, offered to hold the prom there, gratis. I guess they turned him down–didn’t want their children to be exposed to The Big Easy.
    .-= rogueartistsspeak´s last blog ..THE ORANGEBLOSSOM SPECIAL =-.

  351. As a kid who never fit in, my heart goes out to the ones invited to the fake prom. How could anyone stoop to such a thing? This type of officially sanctioned hate needs to stop. We ARE all beautiful, each in their own way. Thanks for speaking out about this.
    .-= Barbara´s last blog ..There is no “try” =-.

  356. Jenny, thank you. Every time I visit your page, you’re saying exactly what needs to be said, to exactly those who need to hear it. Your humor, wisdom, and unfailing love of those who need it are gifts beyond measure.

  359. That poor girl, how cruel was that! Too many teens have left this earth because people won’t let them fit in or accept who they are. This must stop.
    .-= Debby´s last blog ..HAPPY EASTER =-.

  360. Jenny, you’ve got some pretty special people here, you know that? Also, I had no idea Christina Aguilera was that awesome and using her fame for good. I mean, I knew she could kick ass in American Idol type singing, but I didn’t realize that she had enough depth to make a video like this. Just goes to show how prejudice I am against the top 40 types, and proves your “they are us” theory.

  362. Having a horrible–good friend dying of cancer. Can’t stop feeling just terrible, but I love your blog, and that you for the great message. I know it’s not your fault.
    .-= Spanishmedievalist´s last blog ..On olive oil =-.

  363. I can’t even come up with words right now.
    How does this happen?
    My heart really hurts……..

  364. I find it very difficult to forgive those people and, right or wrong…I don’t. That’s my choice. The same type of choice they had to participate in such a horrible con.

    I never thought about the fact that I just haven’t found my tribe yet. Good point, and it reminded me of something I wrote one time:

    “If low self -esteem was a suit…I’m sure I’d have it pressed and cleaned.”
    – Brian Jarvis 🙂
    .-= Fivehead´s last blog ..How my sucide bomber date lost her teeth. =-.

  365. I don’t comment here because you’re too funny and there are so many other comments I feel intimidated. But I have to today because once again you have managed to find the perfect, wonderful words to help me out of a funk and realize, again, that I’m not and no one is ever alone.

    Your words make me smile and they made me cry a little (I’m at work, awesome) and I want you to know that. I’m an angry person and I want to scream and yell and hit those people who hate difference when it is truly what makes us beautiful. But you made me realize that this is the better way. To love them and hope they wake up one day. I don’t have to or even want everyone to agree with my point of view, but I’d like to see more acceptance.

    Thanks for making me feel accepted. I love you.
    .-= AlexMac´s last blog ..Parties and Asskicking, a Favorite Combination =-.

  366. Hate propagates hate. The parents and adults that sactioned such horrible behavior continue to sow the seeds of ignorance and bigotry.
    I’m not sure I can open my heart for such as those.

    Everyone of us are unique and special. Beautiful, as you say. Thanks for shouting it from the internet rooftops. Maybe more will listen and behave just a little better.
    .-= Catootes´s last blog ..turning in my good mom immunity idol =-.

  368. so what else is new? High Schoolers are and always have been horrible. And Jr. high schoolers, and pretty much three fourths of the people between the age of 12 and 21. Some of those kids will grow, learn, and become tolerable human beings and sadly some will not. I’m guessing most of the parents of the students who went to the “secret prom” are from the latter catagory.

  370. This is such a beautiful post! Hate is such a horrible thing and the fact that these parents thought it was ok to do this makes me fear for when my children get older.

  371. Ok…that pisses me off so fucking much. I hate a lot of people…but not because of what they are. It is usually because of stupid shit like this (but usually a lesser scale). I watched this story develop but no mention was made of this fake prom in the mainstream media. Grrrrr. I can not even express the amount of anger I feel for this, I think I will post about this tomorrow. Sorry for stealing it Jen but I has too.
    .-= mepsipax´s last blog ..WTF interwebz =-.

  372. Ok…now that I finished reading, that was a wonderful post. All the best people are “weird” and different. Being bullied and picked on sucks but it is not worth the drastic actions we see kids taking today. Too sad and so fucked up.
    .-= mepsipax´s last blog ..WTF interwebz =-.

  373. Jenny,

    I’d thought “Like Mother Theresa, only better” was meant to be ironic! Your words may not reach the homophobic bigots out there. But you’ve set an inspiring example of how to be truly effective in changing peoples’ hearts and minds. It’s easy and part of human nature to return hate for hate. It takes real guts, plus commitment, to bring about meaningful change.

    .-= Ginny´s last blog ..Diners and Dives =-.

  374. Jenny,

    I’d thought “Like Mother Theresa, only better” was meant to be ironic! Your words may not reach the homophobic bigots out there. But you’ve set an inspiring example of how to be truly effective in changing peoples’ hearts and minds. It’s easy and part of human nature to return hate for hate. It takes real guts, plus commitment, to bring about meaningful change.
    .-= Ginny´s last blog ..Diners and Dives =-.

  376. thank you!

    I have a little painted sign in my house that says, “There is nothing wrong with you.” I want my kids to see it every damned day of their lives so they know it, deep down.
    .-= Sugared Harpy´s last blog ..Work in progress =-.

  377. Dear Bloggess,
    Please get out of my head. Or not. You put into words the thoughts I was having, or some very similar ones, when I wrote the post I put up today, and the one before that too, truth be told.
    In a world where being different is wrong, being outspoken is wrong, being an individual is wrong, at least in someone’s eyes, it’s easy to feel the pull of despair and depression.
    Thanks for standing up for those who cannot, or don’t know how… even if you are ‘just a girl on the internet’ people listen and realize you care.
    And that’s enough to get things going in the right direction …
    and your not ‘just a girl on the internet’, you’re Jenny, The Bloggess !
    .-= Dawn´s last blog ..I get so tired of the blaming and finger-pointing, don’t you… From the Politcians I mean, not my kids. =-.

  378. I have been following this for the last couple of days and am amazed by the amazing way people are expressing themselves. And it’s because of you, my friend. You are a difference maker. An amazing post.

    It’s hard though, as someone else said, “my heart hurts”…and usually, when I see a child…She is a freakin’ child…being hurt, I want to smack the people who are hurting her. I am a dad and I can not imagine what my response would be if it was my child.

    But I don’t think I would be as big a person as you Jenny.

    So thank you.

  379. You know how much I love you.

    P.S. They misspelled your name on the order of restraint, so, technically…

  380. People who can forgive this sort of thing are those who only think about it in the abstract and never dealt with it in reality. People who can’t imagine adults would act this way have apparently never paid much attention to adults around them. “Love despite faults” is a nice sentiment, but until society starts making it clear that behavior like this won’t be tolerated, it’ll keep happening. “I love you despite you deliberately attempting to ruin a high schooler’s entire life because you think gay is evil” is just another way of tolerating what should not be tolerated.

    Emily above is right. This IS a horrible world.

  381. I **loathe** leaving comments when there are already a gazillion on a post, but…something just occurred to me that didn’t occur to me when I read this MUCH earlier:

    Because of your following, you will affect change in many whose natural response is to be a hater.

    Choosing to love is always a higher calling, and can never be wrong.

    I love that you chose this response.

    You’re making a difference :).

    The good kind.
    .-= Robin ~ PENSIEVE´s last blog ..Love doesn’t die, people do =-.

  382. I can not believe anyone would think that was ok. I have absolutely no words. It’s hard to love those who we feel don’t deserve it. Hate is easy, love takes courage.

  384. Jenny, I just keep coming back to this to read what people have to say. I have a ‘fridge magnet that says,
    “The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.” You have made an impact. It is like one of those “waves” at a football game. People will be talking about this for a long time, sister.
    .-= rogueartistsspeak´s last blog ..THE ORANGEBLOSSOM SPECIAL =-.

  385. oh my god YOU are getting all feverish and blushy?? i am having minor heart attacks over here that you *actually* read my post AND commented AND said “awesome” in reference to ME. you are like some sort of stunning hilarious intelligent beautifully relatable deity. it’s as if God (who i will always and forever now picture as the God in that episode of the Simpsons, aka, yellow, white beard, five fingers) stuck his hand down out of the clouds and patted me on the back. AWESOME.
    .-= Anise´s last blog ..that shadow means i exist somewhere, if only out of frame =-.

  388. In 1979, a black minister exhibited nothing but love and humor to the KKK
    that harassed him, and now-former Ku Klux Klan leader Johnny Lee Clary
    explains how that defeated their hate.

  389. jenny, i have been a huge fan of your blog for a while now, but have never commented until today.

    i, too, read about poor constance with shock and horror. i was also angry that people like that still exist in our world. then i came to your post and every negative emotion in me faded away. it takes a big person to look past this and continue to love, but isn’t love what makes this world better? isn’t love what inspires positive change?

    thank you, jenny, for encouraging all of us to be better people and to make this world a better place for all of us to live in.

    also. thank you for making me pee a little bit in my pants every time i read one of your posts. kind of embarrassing when i read your blog in public places, but totally worth it.

  390. “Keep fighting until you find your place. It does exist. I promise.”

    Thank you.

  392. If it is the last thing I do I will not let my girls treat others like this when they are older. They will not be the ‘mean girls’ the ‘plastic’ girls that ruined school for me. This girl’s parents should sue. I’m not for suing for every little thing but I certainly feel that her civil rights have been violated.

    Everyone is beautiful, treat each other with respect kids, or you will be in for a sad future.

  395. Hello Lovely…Just dropped by to tell you that there’s an award waiting for you at my blog http:/jadedgymjunkie@blogspot.com…Congratulations! I hope share the blog love around to the bloggers you love!

  396. I should echo your feelings, Jenny, but I can’t. I don’t hate the people who did this, but I do think they should be ashamed of themselves. What did they gain? It took a whole community to hurt the feelings of a few kids. Would have really hurt them to say, “I disagree with who you are, or whatever, but that doesn’t mean I have the right to ruin this for you.” This is some petty fucking bullshit right here.
    .-= HannahBanana´s last blog ..OMFG =-.

  397. Jenny, I was so moved by your post. I’ve always thought you were da bomb diggity – but my love for you just went supernova. You inspired me to say something and if I can inspire the next person to say something, well just imagine the possibilities. All because YOU ROCK.

  398. I’m a newer follower to your blog, which I found thanks to Hyperbole and a Half…I just wanted to thank you for your most recent post. I get so angry with those around me who are racist, homophobic, intolerant, etc, and I feel the same way that you do – I love them in spite of it, but it’s always just there. So many people don’t have the courage to say the things that you just did, especially to people we love. It’s hard to call someone out, or take the chance of causing an irreparable rift in a relationship. I commend you for YOUR bravery, and I’m inspired to do the same. Everyone wants to blame the world’s problems on the government, the poor, the obese, the corrupt…the world’s problems are on us. People are terrible to each other, and it’s really heartbreaking. It’s a scary time to bring a child into the world, and it’s a huge undertaking to take that child and try to teach him/her compassion, tolerance, and love when they’re constantly being influenced by the children of “the others.”

  399. I agree! I was an outsider and now I am happy in my differences.
    Just wanted to show my support. (I’m a lurker not a commenter…)

  400. Conversation between Jesus and a bunch of assholes trying to stone a woman for committing adultery.

    Assholes: Hey, you’re Jesus, right? This woman was caught in the act of committing adultery. The law says we should stone her, what do you say?

    Jesus (doodles on ground.)

    Assholes: Um, Jesus. Did you hear us? She was caught IN THE ACT.

    Jesus: Fine. Which one of you assholes has never done anything messed up. Step up and throw the first rock.

    Assholes: er…uh..der…(fumble, fumble)

    Assholes exit, leaving on Jesus and the woman.

    Jesus: Woman, where are your accusers?

    Woman: They’re gone, Lord.

    Jesus: Then I don’t accuse you either. Go. Live your life. And stay out of trouble.
    John 8: 3 – 11

    This is why I hate it when so-called Christians hate people in the name of Jesus. THEY DON’T KNOW THE LORD. He’s going to be so pissed at these assholes. God uses the broken and marginalized to do great things. Stay strong Constance. God is showing his love for you through outpourings of love from people all around the world.

    Love, A Christ-follower.
    .-= Angela (Posy Moe)´s last blog ..Dilly Baby, Oh Baby =-.

  401. OK, OK…settle down people…she’s been at the Gin and rom-coms again…

    gayest post ever…

  402. Wow. First, I had no idea they’d done this. That’s just….horrible. My brother’s gay, and kids actually would THROW FOOD AT HIM in the cafeteria just BECAUSE he’s gay (and thank God out neighbor, a childhood friend of my brother’s, and a star on the football team stood up to those kids and told them my brother’s awesome and to NOT BOTHER HIM AGAIN, or else; we NEED more people like my brother’s friend in the world). I’ve sat and listened to all the horrible things, I’ve been there when a friend came out to her parents, held her hand as her mother pulled out a Bible and started quoting scriptures, offered help when her parents kicked her out, was there when she told me how her face had been cut out of family pictures. FAMILY PHOTOS. They have since reconciled, and I thank God for giving her mother the grace to realize she was wrong.

    Honestly? I’d rather hang with the broken people over those preps and their secret prom. Because the broken ones have stories and personalities and aren’t going to go behind my back and tell lies and ruin my life just because I have fibromyalgia and sometimes can’t do what “normal” people can.

    This post made me cry. Girl, thanks for being here for the rest of us.

    love, kira
    .-= kira´s last blog ..{Points of Two Week #13: where do you turn when making a hard decision?} =-.

  403. I’m so glad to see you using your voice for this! I wrote about it too in a post called “Would you bully my daughter.” But, unlike moi, you have more than just your family reading your blog, so your voice IS powerful! THANKS! 🙂

  404. When I first read a headline about the separate proms, I thought it was a joke. I mean, it’s the 21st century and this is America, so how could a whole town of mature adults collude against one teenager, right? Then I saw this post and realized it was real.

    Do you ever have that sensation where you get tunnel vision and everything goes all dark and quiet, and you feel like you’re falling but not really moving and you get all hot? Yeah, I had that. That feeling generally preceeds a major screaming fit. Unfortunately I was at work, so I just had to curb it.

    I am not capable of loving or even throwing generally nice feelings toward people like these second-prom-throwing-twatwaffles, so I guess it is good that someone like you can do it for me. I’ll just cast disparaging glances at them and mutter under my breath about how unevolved and unenlightened they are.

    And to the adults of that town, I just have to remind them that behavior like this makes Captain America vomit with rage. I hope someday they realize how heinous and shameful their behavior is, and they apologize to their kids for being such lousy examples of parents.

  406. Incredible! We should all strive for to “be” more and to be “better” every DAMN day! We only have one shot at this thing called Life we should not f*ck it up! Life is truly a gift one that should not be taken for granted and part of this gift called life comes a responsibility not only to ourselves but “especially” to those around us. We all need to be more forgiving, tolerant, supportive, kind and respectful. Amazing post 🙂

  407. The really silly thing is, if these inbred knuckle-draggers had simply done NOTHING, and let Constance and her date attend the original prom with everyone else, it would have been a total non-issue. All the kids would have done their basic prom thing and lived to tell about it. No one would have sprouted an extra head, lesbians would not have taken over the school, we would not have seen the end of Truth, Justice and the American Way. What a lot of misguided and misdirected effort on their part. And what a boatload of pain and cruelty they generated. Unfortunately for them, karma DOES have a way of coming around; they are now receiving all kinds of negative attention from all over the country. They took what could have been just another prom and turned it into a firestorm aimed at them.

  408. i believe that the past is just that.
    one cannot change it, but you can decide to learn from it. the good and the bad.
    i know that love and kindness are never wasted…because, if nothing else, it will calm your own heart.
    and what YOU give to me and my soul is something i cannot describe. it is real, it is light, it is laughter, it is knowing that all of the fucked up things inside my head are not unique to me;)

    keepin’ on truckin’,
    andrea

  409. Lovely. Perfection. Sometimes a good, clean cry is as beneficial as a good, sharp laugh. This blog post did that for me: Thanks. (And you & Victor remind me of me & my husband El Guapo: only ‘stead of night squirrels, his pillow talk regards warthogs. Think it stems back to an old SNL skit re: getting a guy’s mind off what-else-but? sex.

  410. 20 years ago it was mixed race kids that caused a stink. In a way it’s good that this happened, for two reasons: 1) it brings to light an entire community that is just plain fucking stupid, so that other communities might perhaps think twice about stupidity, and; 2) the media hype (and your post) have brought together so many people to show this young woman (and her date) that THE WORLD IS NOT ALL LIKE THE ASSHOLES YOU LIVE WITH.
    .-= Plano Mom´s last blog ..Random 7 =-.

  412. Yeah, so now the Bloggess makes my heart all melty with love. And here I was just enjoying my outrage about these douchenozzles, but no, she shows me a different way. Thanks, Jen!

  413. Constance is really a strong, beautiful person. A good friend of mine wrote her a letter when this became public, he wrote her a letter saying he understood her pain and that she was beautiful and loved. This precious girl actually wrote him a hand-written letter of thanks. After the round of talk shows and support from thousands and thousands of people, she sat down to say thank you. The fact that there are people out there that think Constance is anything but a worthy person with a beautiful soul makes me sick and sad for our society. Things haven’t changed much since the 60’s, have they? There are just new targets now and it makes me sad.

    And dear, sweet Jenny… I feel like I am broken, I have been broken and will always be broken- but maybe not. If a child half my age can respond with such dignity and astounding courage, maybe I can forget the horrible parts of my past and really, truly live for the brilliant future before me.

    Jenny, truly I adore you!
    .-= Simply Jenn´s last blog ..Okay, I’m starting over with the whole blogging thing =-.

  416. When I heard about Constance, my heart broke. Teenagers can be heartless at the best of times – I should know, I am one, but the parents going through with it? It sickens me.
    I’m 14, and I’m bisexual. The only people who know are the people who’ve been my friends online, because if I came out in real life, I can only imagine the kind of treatment I would get. I’ve had friends tell me that lesbians are disgusting. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person who feels the way I do.
    But that is besides the point.
    This post makes me love you all the more. I’m not a broken person. I’ve suffered my part, but on the whole, I’ve been lucky. My heart goes out to those who have to deal with treatment like this.

  417. I thoroughly enjoy the funny , irreverent , off the cuff Jenny. But this one, the one who uses her far reaching and influential voice to write this. This one. I positively love.

    Thank you.

  418. it is our responsibility as parents to create a generation of people who embrace the ways that we are different. if we were all the same how could we feel special. i make sure to tell me kids this all the time. as a result, i hope, they are kind and loving people and not just to the ones that are the same.
    thanks for this!

  421. Shoot, you made me cry. If only more of us could follow your example more often. I’ve always loved this quote “hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love”, and I think your post embodies that. At least the part where you are returning hate with love.

  422. You are one bad ass chick. Thank you for saying what needed to be said.

  423. You are awesome! The “adults” involved should be forced to face the community and apologize to these youngsters! And then the kids should be allowed to walk up and slap each and every one of them!

  424. I stumbled across your blog by accident not too long ago and I love this kind of “real personmanship”. Being hilarious can be a burden.

    For any teens being bullied, you need to know that as soon as you throw up your grad caps, that life is over. No one cares about that high school shit the second you walk out the door and real life begins.

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  427. As if it weren’t bad enough that people treated a girl this way because of her sexuality, they invited learning disabled kids, too!?!?! I’m a Special Education teacher and when I read that story I got angrier by the minute. This must be what “stabby” feels like.

    Thank you for standing up for people who aren’t accepted and loved and heard. I admire your compassion and your ability to forgive.

  428. I am so glad that this is the first post of yours that I have seen. I read this story today and it made. me. sick. I was so angry that I cried for this poor girl and those other six or seven kids. How could any adult…let alone a parent…allow this and even perpetuate this kind of hatred? This is something I will never understand.
    .-= Lindsay @ Just My Blog´s last blog ..Trafalgar’s Square Print Giveaway (Ends 4/15) =-.

  431. So many different kinds of bravery and beauty in the world, you are full of your own kind of both. Thank you for being. And, in this post, for being so loud and beautiful.

  434. i have a lesbian mom and douche bags at school yell “hey its the kid with the faggot mom!” then they shut up when i tell em that she gets more pussy then they do.

  435. Thank you. Thank you so much. You have no idea how beautiful it is to have someone say the one thing I really need to hear– that they know how hard it is. Your blog has touched me so many times since I started reading it a few months ago. I have cried, laughed, been freaked out by creepy night squirrels, and taught to believe that vampiric jellyfish are going to steal my soul. For all of that, I am undeniably grateful. You are a freakin’ godsend, Jenny, and thank everything that was every holy or ever will be that I found you.

    I have been struggling with a myriad of difficulties this past year, one of them being the realization that I’m a lesbian. It has been extremely hard for me to learn to accept myself what with all the crap going on around me. To be told I am going to burn in hell, that I am a pervert and a freak, that what I believe is unnatural and goes against god– these are the things that keep me up crying, that spin me off into panic attacks, that prevent me from telling my friends and family who I really am. It is mortifying and terrifying and an awful thing for a seventeen-year-old to have to go through.

    To have this blog, to have YOU, Jenny, is to have someone who cares about me and appreciates my differences (a thing I desperately need right now) and is not afraid to say so. It is so comforting for me to come here and read your wonderfully bold post, and to let you encourage and inspire me to be true to myself down to the last drop. I am constantly astonished by your humor, wit, and compassion, the last of which I believe is one your least publicized, yet most tangible, traits. It’s hard to be compassionate in this world– I should know– but you manage to love people and to let people love you. That’s what makes you such an incredible person, and it’s what gives your writing its heart.

    Thank you for showing me that not only is OK for me to be different, but it’s actually better. Thank you for letting me know that one day I will find my place. Reading this blog has truly changed the way that I view the world. You are exactly what I have needed all along.

  437. I think you’re the greatest. And I’m glad you’re standing up and saying these things. If everybody responded this way the fire would just go out of the haters. You can’t fight love.

  438. You know what the biggest issue with this is? I have yet to find any sort of actual mainstream media on this fake prom business. How can we expect people to open their minds and change when these horrible happenings are not brought to the forefront. The discrimination and hateful acts that these parents, teachers, and students have partaken in disgust me. I’d like to think that they are a minority, but unfortunately I know that they are not.

    Thank you miss Blogess for posting about it here, for I never would have known about it. Stories like this always hurt me, as I am a strong survivor of the mean girls, (and boys) throughout my younger years. As someone who has made it through almost unscathed, I urge all those going through it to be strong! Those horrible years have helped to mold me into the awesome, creative, independant, smart. beautiful, and confident woman I am today. While at the time I was in complete despair, I know now that I should be thanking those who roughed me up, because they are the ones who gave me the scars that make my character great. Not to mention, the earlier in life you learn that the best way to make it through is to laugh at yourself, the better.

    BE STRONG PEOPLE!!!! Be a hero, and think and speak for yourself for once!

    Peace and Love,
    (even though you guys are always dissing on us Canadians, but that’s okay cause we can take a joke and know we’re better and thats why we’re on top and have all the bacon and syrup)
    L.

    PS Please forgive any and all spelling errors. I know there is bound to be a couple and I’m off the chain with passion on the subject!!!&&&*^$*!^&@#%!!!

  440. I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for the last part you wrote: “A special note to every single person reading this who thinks that they are alone or different or forever broken…you are not. You are part of a special tribe that you just haven’t found yet and we need you. All the best people are broken. Keep fighting until you find your place. It does exist. I promise.”

    I needed that more than you could ever know. I’ve felt alone, different and broken for so long. Thank you. Thank you so much.

  442. Sweetie, I know that you are completely wiped out after this post, but you need to screw your head back on and give us something to laugh about. I don’t think that you want to spend the rest of your blogging life on this subject. You had your say, and as you can see, we are behind you all the way. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and believe me, this will change for the best. We all have to believe this. It may take time, but it will happen. You have gotten the ball rolling, and it will continue to roll in the right direction.
    xoxo,
    Judie
    .-= rogueartistsspeak´s last blog ..THE ORANGEBLOSSOM SPECIAL =-.

  444. Thank you for posting this. It’s been too long since I read anything with so much balance and perspective and I applaud you for what you are saying.

    The whole Constance McMillen story just makes me so… tired. Tired of people trying to ruin good things for others because they can’t see past their own small-mindedness.

    You are so much more than a humour blogger and I love that about you. So thanks.

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  446. I had assumed, when I didn’t see anything in the news after the date of Constance’s prom that everything had gone well. When I found out what really happened, I was LIVID. And that none of it came out in the mainstream news? Really? Unfathomable.

    Thank you for this post. It is beautifully written and is just one more reason to love you. (If only James Garfield were still “on the hoof” so that he might give a well-placed tusk to those involved in this stupidity… in a loving manner, of course)
    .-= msdarkstar´s last blog ..Sunday Catch-Up Post =-.

  449. On behalf of myself and all the mothers of adolescent lesbians, Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this.

  451. I have dropped 2 people from my life because of homophobia. I. Just. Can’t. Love. Them. Because every time they said something hideous I thought “What if my gay friends overheard me not saying anything about it? ” And I knew they would be more hurt by that than by some ignoramus name-calling.

    I just can’t love through the hatred. Because what if it was my kid they were talking about? Or my sister?
    .-= Suzy´s last blog ..It’s Everybody Can Bite Me Friday! =-.

  453. My friend is a lesbian, and her young children are bullied in their elementary school. It makes me cry to see that there is so much hate out there, becuase their hate comes from fear. And how could you be afraid of another human being who has donw nothing but be truthful about who they love?

  454. I completely respect your stance, but I cannot love anyone who would do this to a group of students just because they are different. I was bullied throughout my entire elementary and middle school years. People — students, school administration, parents, people we interact with every day — who would treat other people this way are SCUM. There is a difference between not liking someone or not agreeing with their choices and being cruel. This is cruelty, the human race at its worst, and it breaks my heart.
    .-= Elizabeth Kaylene´s last blog ..Video Q&A: Session 1 =-.

  455. Hmmm….”horrible act of cruelty”…? Well,it is wrong and sad, but you’d be surpised what horrible acts of cruaelty actually exist and how many people endure them every day. People have made this so dramatic that it has becom ridiculous. And in your attemp to stigmatize homophobia, you add to the mass hysteria and obsession towards homosexuals. Just leave them alone already, they are not compromised, they are not crippled, they do not need any more advocates to cry for them. Go read what is happening in Chechnya or the Middle East. Get out of your damn bubble, where the only problem is homophobia.

  456. This post, in combination with the video (which I’d actually never seen before) just made me cry. I completely agree that the way to heal the situation is through love and acceptance. I myself am trying VERY hard to take that stance. My family is less than understanding about my “lifestyle choices” (not that they’re choices, mind you), and they like to pretend it was a discussion we never had, when telling them was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. So I try to take deep breaths whenever I go to visit, I try to let them know gently that I don’t appreciate their homophobic or alternative-religion phobic comments in my presence, and I do my best to keep my cool. It’s extremely difficult at times, and I have caught myself giving dirty looks when I know that won’t solve anything. But the difference is I AM TRYING. I hope that they will too, someday.

  457. Wonderful post. Amazing message. As always, you blow me away. I am heartbroken for the story of that girl. What the hell is wrong with people? So what if a lesbian wants to show up and dance with her girlfriend at one of the most important nights of any teenager’s life? Are they worried being gay is contagious? Reminds me of that scene at the end of In & Out. Good grief… and just when I thought society was improving. I’m embarassed for that school and that community.
    .-= Busted Kate´s last blog ..Like Sands Through The Hourglass… So Are The Days When You Pee On A Stick =-.

  459. Hiya. First time commenter, long time lurker. Just got to this post today. I was so incredibly disappointed by *people* when I saw this story. But the National Center for Lesbian Rights did an awesome thing for Constance and her girlfriend. They’re bringing her to their annual gala for her to have a “prom” with 2,000 other women.

    And that helps me get through the day.

  464. So, I appreciate your sentiment here, but I Just wanted to point out that “A horrible act of cruelty” can be used to describe genocide, starvation, murder, the Holocaust, violence against any other human being…….but I feel that’s a dramatic description of a girl not being able to go to Prom. It’s sad and unfair, yes…A horrible act of cruelty? No. Let’s all stop being so dramatic. She is still luckier than the inhabitants of most third world countries.

  465. To those saying this is not a “horrible act of cruelty”, then yes, I suppose she’s lucky she was just the victim of an elaborate and community-wide deception to keep her from a school function rather than being murdered.

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  469. This is beautiful… and extraordinary… i stumbled across your blog two weeks ago and im already addicted… Congratulations on the book and thank you for giving me the strength to start writing again
    .-= Anisa´s last blog ..Movies! =-.

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  472. Jenny, you’re not just a bloggess, you’re a goddess. If only there were more humbling people out there like you to teach light and love. You have a great soul and don’t forget it.

    xxx

  473. Prop 8 was overturned today. I live in Alabama and 85% of the people I know are uber conservative. I’m seeing lots of hateful comments on from them on facebook. its hard to see people that I care about being so ignorant and hateful and just plain old fucking rude. as i was venting on twitter, Lori (@marthapoints) sent me the link to this post, which warmed my heart and was exactly what i needed to hear. thank you for being awesome.

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  475. Jenny, I was reminded of this post of yours while lying in bed trying to sleep but not being able to because I couldn’t get an image out of my head – this image of a little boy dancing, and being slapped to the ground by his father: http://tinyurl.com/382qjds

    A colleague of mine had posted it to his Facebook page. He came over to my cube to show it to me, and he giggled at it. At first I didn’t get it, but then I read the Facebook comments: “Dats some good daddy discipline right there!” and “Thats a good father….he doesnt want his kid playing for the wrong team…”

    I was too dumbfounded to even get into an argument with my colleage, though now I wish I had. This is the first time I’ve ever been confronted with blatant homophobia at work.

    So, now, the image of this little boy is haunting me. Who is he? Who is this monster father? The whole thing makes me so sad and angry. What the fuck are people so scared of? How stupid can they be, to think they can beat the “fag” tendencies out of their kids?

    Thanks so much for your blog, especially for posts like these.

  476. Thank you.

    I only very recently found your blog (starting with you buying Beyonce when you couldn’t get towels!) and I’ve just fallen in love with it. I keep reading further and further back because I want to read it all.

    I suffer from bipolar disorder, and have a strong tendency towards the depressive side of it, which has really been hitting me hard, lately. Reading your blog not only makes me laugh, which improves my mood, but when you talk about all the things you go through with your own mental illness, it makes me feel a lot less alone…and a lot less hopeless. I read this, just now, and I cried. I cried harder than I’ve cried in days, and I’ve been crying a lot. But this time, it was a good cry. It’s good to know that I’m not broken…or if I am, that the best people are, and that there’s still hope. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart…thank you.

  477. Every time I feel down and depressed I listen to that song to try to cheer me up. Now I search this post out and read it over and over and over again when I feel that darkness coming on. Thank you. You have added a light at the end of this very dark and scary tunnel. *hugs*

  479. This post made me cry. But not sad tears, though it feels a little like that. For years I thought that there was something wrong with me. I did horrible things to myself and suffered double, both from the hurt I inflicted and the original sadness that had caused me to act. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder and a bunch of psychotic symptoms that none of the doctors knew where to place. It was nice, in a way, that someone was able to look at me, and say “Yes, this is bad. It’s not just you.” – but still everything felt so wrong. They wanted to stuff me with pills, but I refused, because part of me insisted that I wasn’t “that kind of sick”. And they kept telling me that I should take the pills, until I quit the shrink sessions I had been assigned to stop them from pushing me. And every time I tried telling someone about how hard it was, they said “Well, didn’t you take the pills?” And eventually I stopped talking.
    One morning I woke up and remembered an abuse that my mind had suppressed for years. I cried like I had never cried before. And I felt relieved. I knew that I was still broken. But for the first time I felt like I could heal.

  480. I love this post. I am glad that I found it. I struggle daily with the idea that there are those, those very close to me who would not accept me if they knew the truth. The truth about my mental illness. The truth about my sexuality. The truth about the alternative way I view my life.

    There are those who would be upset if they knew how hard I struggled. How upset they would be if they knew how much I lied to the world just to get by.

    I really appreciate this post Jenny, and many that you make. I feel like I have found in you – a mysterious and wonderful connection. If only one way.

    I am broken. But I am not alone. This will be my new creed.

  481. “I believe that people have the right to say and do what they want. Even if what they say and do makes me sick to my stomach.”

    You know Jenny, I didn’t think I could think any more highly of you/respect you more than I do, then I read this. Thanks for proving me wrong. You are a truly marvelous person.

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