Adventures with Ebay

in I am totally overrated, no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap, stuff better left unpublished

People keep asking me what’s up with the Ebay thing since I never really wrote about it properly and I’ve had insomnia this week and I’m too wonked out to come up with a real post so I’m just going to write about this.  So this doesn’t count as a real post.  It’s more of an explanation of how my life gets ridiculously complicated when unnecessary robots get involved.

So I mentioned on Sunday that I was selling a camera that ghosts broke on Ebay and then all hell broke loose.  Basically I posted this auction:

I’ve had this camera for like 5 years but it was recently broken by ghosts. True story. I was at a haunted hotel and it flew off the bathroom counter and the part that keeps the battery in got broken so I had to duct-tape it to get it to work again. It was awesome though because when I told my husband that I had to get a new camera because mine was broken he was all “WTF?” and I’m all “Ghosts did it” and then he couldn’t really complain because how are you going to complain about ghosts? You can’t. I can’t control ghosts, dude. It’s pretty much the best excuse ever. You can have that one for free.

So now I have to get rid of my old camera and it still totally works so I thought I’d put it on ebay. It’s a Canon EOS digital rebel with a zoom lens (18-55 mm) and it works great as long as you duct-tape the battery door and then push the battery door really hard with your thumb so that the battery makes contact with whatever the battery needs to make contact with. It takes practice but it’s a good workout for your hands. Plus, no one else can use your camera because only you know the trick of how to make it work. Also, there’s toilet paper taped to the flash because it’s like a home-made diffuser. You can take it off but I wouldn’t because it’s awesome and also it’s double-ply so yeah, it’s pretty f-ing luxurious.

It also comes with an extra battery but that one’s old and only stays charged for like 15 minutes and I was going to throw it away but then I started thinking about how when people see aliens they always want to take a picture but their battery is dead so I carry that one in my glove compartment just in case I need it for aliens. I also wrote “4 aliens” on it with a sharpie because it’s good to stay organized.

This bidding starts at $5 and I think that’s probably a pretty good price but I’m also throwing in an angry cross-dresser lego mini-fig that Lego sent me just to sweeten the deal. It’s probably totally rare. Or possibly not. I really have no idea. I’d put a link to the lego story here but I don’t know if ebay lets you do that. Just google “So I got a box in the mail filled with 80 body parts” and you’ll find it.

PS. The camera in the picture is the one for sale. I took that picture for cleavage day. Camera doesn’t necessarily give you cleavage but it couldn’t hurt. Cat not included in sale. Probably. I guess it depends on how much you want the cat. Make me an offer.

Hugs. ~ Jenny (the bloggess dot com)

Then Ebay started sending me letters yelling at me for referencing my blog and they were all “Hey, you totally can’t do that.  This is your warning” and then 3 seconds later they followed it up with another letter deleting my whole auction so I think that makes that first email less of a warning and more of an unnecessary taunt.  Also, I’m pretty sure that these are all done by robots because that’s the only way to explain why Ebay would delete my whole auction based the fact that they were mad that I was selling my cat without giving them a cut. True story:

Ebay yelling at me for...I dunno...cat fee circumvention?

So I re-listed the auction and clarified that Ebay was not getting a cut of my cat profits because the cat is not for sale and I also told everyone on twitter that I was sorry that all the bids got deleted but to make it up to them I’d include a free autographed copy of my cleavage picture, which I thought would be weird because probably it would sell to someone that doesn’t follow me on twitter  and who just wanted to buy the lens and then they would wonder why someone put a picture of boobs in with his broken camera.  And then bidding exploded.  Or perhaps Ebay is just fucking with me.  The latter is more logical.

**I’m having to relist this since ebay ganked it when they accused me of trying to sell my cat without giving them a cut. This is all true.  I couldn’t even make this stuff up, y’all.**
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I’ve had this camera for like 5 years but it was recently broken by ghosts.  True story.  I was at a haunted hotel and it flew off the bathroom counter and the part that keeps the battery in got broken so I had to duct-tape it to get it to work again.  It was awesome though because when I told my husband that I had to get a new camera because mine was broken he was all “WTF?” and I’m all “Ghosts did it” and then he couldn’t really complain because how are you going to complain about ghosts?   You can’t.  I can’t control ghosts, dude.  It’s pretty much the best excuse ever.  You can have that one for free.

So now I have to get rid of my old camera and it still totally works so I thought I’d put it on ebay.  It’s a Canon EOS digital rebel with a zoom lens (18-55 mm) and it works great as long as you duct-tape the battery door and then push the battery door really hard with your thumb so that the battery makes contact with whatever the battery needs to make contact with.  It takes practice but it’s a good workout for your hands.  Plus, no one else can use your camera because only you know the trick of how to make it work.  Also, there’s toilet paper taped to the flash because it’s like a home-made diffuser.  You can take it off but I wouldn’t because it’s awesome and also it’s double-ply so yeah, it’s pretty f-ing luxurious.
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It also comes with an extra battery but that one’s old and only stays charged for like 15 minutes and I was going to throw it away but then I started thinking about how when people see aliens they always want to take a picture but their battery is dead so I carry that one in my glove compartment just in case I need it for aliens.  I also wrote “4 aliens” on it with a sharpie because it’s good to stay organized.
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This bidding starts at $5 and I think that’s probably a pretty good price but I’m also throwing in an angry cross-dresser lego mini-fig that Lego sent me just to sweeten the deal.  It’s probably totally rare.  Or possibly not.  I really have no idea.  I’d put a link to the lego back-story here but I don’t know if ebay lets you do that.  Just google “So I got a box in the mail filled with 80 body parts” and you’ll find it.
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PS.  The camera in the picture is the one for sale.  I took that picture for cleavage day.  Camera doesn’t necessarily give you cleavage but it couldn’t hurt.  Cat not included in sale.  Probably.  I guess it depends on how much you want the cat.  But for God’s sake DON’T make me an offer because first of all I’m just joking about selling my cat on ebay and also because ebay doesn’t understand sarcasm.  My cat is not for sale, ebay. Please stop trying to make money off of her.  She’s like a little person in a cat suit and she’s really upset by this whole implication.
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Hugs. ~ Jenny
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PPS.  When I said “little person” I didn’t mean “dwarf”.  I just meant that she’s really small.  I’m not sure if I have to clarify this but I really don’t want ebay pulling this ad because they think I’m trying to sell dwarves without giving them a cut.  I would never do that, ebay.  I swear this is all on the up-and-up.  I’m selling a camera that was damaged by ghosts.  That’s it.  Please stop judging me.
Bidding is currently up to $420, which is kind of totally insane.  If I actually get that I’ll be donating most of it to charity.  Something to do with boobs probably.  Boob awareness.  Something like that.  I haven’t had a lot of sleep this week.  Did I mention that?
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PS.  The questions on this auction alone make me happy to be alive.  I love you people.  I’m gonna go lay down now.

118 thoughts on “Adventures with Ebay”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. The cross-dressing lego sort of resembles me, when I haven’t waxed the old stache-a-roo for a couple of weeks.
    I generally have to wax. Daily.
    Is that too much information?
    Maybe I was born a boy and my parents wanted a little girl. So they changed me.
    Darn you Bloggess for making me think deeply about myself.
    Good luck with your auction 🙂
    .-= gingela5´s last blog ..A Loss in Perspective… =-.

  4. I think all profits from boobies donated to boobie charities is a marvelous idea. You could even start a non-profit called “Boobies for sale to help Boobies!” or “My Boobies Can Help Your Boobies” or “BoobiesUnited.org” or something. Maybe Legos would sponsor it.
    .-= juliejulie´s last blog ..Come Run with Me! =-.

  7. As part of my job, I am the one that takes care of the “online business” for my boss, which is taking pictures, setting up the eBay lots & answering questions. Ours are mucho boring because it deals with antiques, flatware, coins and some serious money in that part…

    But YOUR eBay lot???? YOUR EBAY LOT IS OMFG ONE EFFING AMAZING EBAY LOT. I was doing some serious laughing when you gave the reason they took it off the first time. Don’t worry, they’ve stolen a bunch of ours before and said they didn’t exist – or something in that matter – when clearly, they did.

    Also? The Lego = flipping awesome.
    .-= Karen (@missxkaren) ´s last blog ..dim the stars into the night =-.

  9. At first I was a little confused at why eBay thought you were having your cat circumsised. Apparently my powers of observation are about as good as those of the robots running eBay.

    If I’d known you were going to post the Q&A in full here, I wouldn’t have registered with eBay to read them. Now they know where I am. O.o

  10. Hmm, getting ready to Ebay some items myself. Obviously, I need to obtain some cleavage shots to help move the auction along. If you see your boobs under some other woman’s face, it’s an accident. We’ve accidently done this to photos of my wife before, and she thinks it’s funny. And I have a new camera to take the needed pics, too. Hmmm. Please don’t send your camera ghost after my new camera, OK?

  13. That lego transvestite is pretty kickass. My childhood lego adventures would have been A LOT more interesting if I’d had one of those.
    .-= Caitlin´s last blog ..Music to my ears =-.

  14. Came over to have a look after Deer Baby tweeted that your post was funniest thing she’d read in ages. As she and I share funny bone DNA thought it best I check it out. Boy did I LMFAO! BRILLIANT! Funniest thing I’ve read in ages. Needed the chuckle after the crap which has been happening over here in little ol’ England these last few days.

    MD x

  15. I was totally going to ask if there was some way to preserve that ebay post. Stupid question: how much does a replacement battery door cost for the camera, and what is the camera worth if it isn’t broken?

    Trying to figure out if your bidders are just handy or if they’re trying to get to that unicorn-that’s-also-a-dragon-and-the-horn-is-filled-with-liquor-and-fairies prize inside. Or the ghost of James Dean. I mean, $420 is kind of a steal for those.

  20. My roommate works for the ebay fraud division so she’s one of *those* people who pull stuff like this off the site. I asked her how she sleeps at night knowing her people are screwing the world out of so much happiness. She rolled her eyes at me so I’m guessing that, in order to work at ebay, you have to be at least a little bit of an asshole.

  21. Fact: The first THREE HUNDRED times I read this in my RSS feed I really thought you said “Goats” and I was very concerned that maybe you were somehow trampled by goats but I’ve been busy writing articles about sex toys for my blog and writing articles about WordPress and Joomla for my job, and I haven’t had any time to read anything other than what I’ve written and it is terribly boring but I was thinking about sending you flowers because you had been trampled by goats. But really, getting harassed by ghosts doesn’t merit getting flowers when you think about it – that’d be like sending someone flowers when they win the lottery. You don’t NEED my flowers, Jenny H. Christ.

    I mean… Jennifer Howard Lawson.

    Whatever.
    .-= Rook´s last blog ..NSFW: Five Sex Toys That Make Baby Jesus Cry =-.

  22. God, I wish my insomnia allowed me to come up with stuff so GENIUS!
    I’ve learned so much here today: No human remains on ebay (DAMN), no cat selling – unless prepared to give ebay their cut (Do you think ebay feels the same way about husbands?), ghosts are very popular on ebay as are boobs and legos.
    So, ghost boobs with lego accoutrements would sell for like hundreds of thousands of dollars and I will throw in my husband for free.

  23. You seem to be totally ignoring the true realization of this auction – your boobs pull in buyers far and wide. Yet there you sit, just chillin’ with your boobs, in no way letting them do the good you now know they can. How are you currently utilizing your boobs to help humanity? Think of the children.
    .-= Megan (Best of Fates)´s last blog ..Stalker =-.

  24. I got a retweet of a link to your e-bay post yesterday. It was captioned: ‘most hilarious e-bay auction, ever!’ or something like that. Before that, I had never heard of you, and did not realize therefore how incomplete and unfulfilled my life had been up until that point. You are a scream. No wait. That doesn’t do you justice. You are more than a scream. You are a scream on steroids, a button-pushing, douche-bag-baiting, snark-o-gasmic proclamation of awesomeness with really deluxe chachaboombas. Keep it up.
    .-= Jonah Gibson´s last blog ..Day 132 – Betty Boop and the Witch Queen =-.

  25. I tried to go and buy the camera because I told my husband that your broken camera was better than MY broken camera because your camera still take pictures and he agreed but then Ebay killed the auction and then when I came back later to the new one it was at 420 and I don’t have that kind of money, even for a piece of your awesomeness.
    BOO ebay.

  26. I really need the cross-dressing lego transvestite. Ok, I lied. Sorry. Honestly, I really want the picture of your cleavage. I’ll send you a stuffed dead squirrel in trade for both lego and cleavage picture. (You can keep the camera. I have one that has the battery door.)

    Let me know about the lego and the cleavage picture. This offer is open to anyone and I know people really want a stuffed dead squirrel. But I bet they don’t all have a collection like you.
    .-= Kernut´s last blog ..We Say ‘Dude’ In These Here Parts =-.

  27. I have it on good authority that Ebay is run by a ghost in a machine, and therefore is probably giving you a hard time because you are exposing its brethren.

    The cat and the soap thing is awfully sad. Cats just want to be clean yo.
    .-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..The Oracle of Madison High =-.

  29. Is it pathetic that my favorite part here was the free lesson in pronouns? Yes, yes it is.

    If you wanna give you an organization about boobies, I suggest The Rose based in Houston, which provides mammograms to women who can’t afford them. Would recommend a place like this over somewhere like Susan Komen Foundation (can read more about the two orgs here: http://www.actuallygiving.com/2010/04/day-38/). I don’t have an affiliation with either.

  30. so my daughter in college said you are probably suffering from sleep deprived psychosis. So I googled ways to get this, cause my insomnia only causes me to EAT boatloads of stuff and look like Charlie Sheen right before rehab. so I was thinking between the cleavage and the ebay and the crossdressing unicorns with liquor, we should totally come up with a DVD on how to NOT stop insomnia but instead channel it into Genius. I could be like the before failure type person and you could be the after like rock star.. I am working on the infomercial now.

  32. I’m so glad you posted the questions because ebay asked me to sign in to read the full list and I’m sure I’ve signed in sometime in the past, but I don’t remember my password and I really would just rather they thought I was dead…kind of like ghosts
    .-= happyhourmary´s last blog ..Next Question =-.

  33. I’m in the process of moving to northern California, and I note that on craigslist there whenever they list things for $420, they mean they’ll trade you their couch for a bag of weed. Or maybe just a hit off your bong. I don’t know yet, because I haven’t gotten there. But I’m wondering–is that the case here? And if so, how does ebay get a portion of a bong hit?
    .-= Ross´s last blog ..Bookshelves and New York Therapists =-.

  35. Ok, donate the money to charity? Why the hell would you do that? How often do you make $400 bucks off some old broken shit, assuming the highest bidder actually pays. That could aslo be a problem, ppl may just be bidding to be a jokester. If the highest bidder doesn’t pay you TOTALLY need to file an unpaid claim with Ebay so you don’t have to pay your fees and can relist it again for free, or offer it in a second chance offer to the last to highest bidder. Buy yourself another badass camera with the money, fuck charity!
    .-= Peggy Brister´s last blog ..Free History Channel dvd’s for homeschoolers =-.

  36. Dear Bloggess,

    Your ghosts just knocked everything that was on my computer desk off. It landed on my toe, and then it got cut and I cussed really really loud (and I’m pretty sure my neighbors hate me even more than they did before) and it was bleeding (my toe, not the cuss word. Cuss words don’t bleed. That I know of) and I called for a medic, but no body came, so I crawled on my belly to the bathroom, ripped off the band aid wrapper with my teeth and treated my wound myself because I’m kind of a badass that way. But thats not really the point. The point is ghosts are assholes. Is this because I said on Twitter that I couldn’t blame Victor for yelling at you because you made a mistake about Marvel and DC comics because I’m sorry and can you please sic the ghosts off me now??

    Sincerely and in fear of ghosts,
    Shannon
    .-= S.J. Collins´s last blog ..MayNoWriMo Day 8 =-.

  38. I just realized I used “it landed on my toe” instead of “and ‘they’ (although ‘all of that stuff’ probably would work better) landed on my toe.”. And you JUST gave a pronoun lesson. Awesome. I’m unteachable.
    .-= S.J. Collins´s last blog ..MayNoWriMo Day 8 =-.

  40. Your boobs are fantastic, even a gay man can see that. But as I stated in a comment to the original post, I’m not much of a boob fan.

    Strangely enough, I do love women’s legs. Any chance of an autographed pic of one of your drumsticks?
    I’d up the bid.
    .-= The Queer Next Door´s last blog ..LOST…That About Sums It Up =-.

  41. Your boobs look fantastic. I refuse to believe you’re a cross dressing lego figurine. REFUSE.

    I guess the cat might be.

  47. Sooo….at the risk of being yelled at – I used to work for eBay and I feel like I gotta stick up for my peeps here. To clarify:

    A) There ARE real people working there and they’re mostly not assholes.
    B) Personally, I’m sorry they yanked your listing. Totally not called for. BUT my guess is they did not know:
    1) the awesomeness that is The Bloggess
    2) that you were totally joking, and
    3) was genuinely concerned you might sell your cat

    There are a revolting number of douche canoes who have tried and were totally fine with packing Garfield or Odie in a USPS box with no holes or food and not giving a damn what happens en route to Timbuktu 2 weeks later. Which is why eBay doesn’t allow the sale of animals. But since you weren’t technically selling your cat in the listing, they couldn’t end it for that.

    I think they were just watching out for Rolly, is all.
    .-= jules.maas´s last blog ..Just the Right Side of Fuchsia =-.

  48. Wow! This is way more exciting than the time some lady and I got in an Ebay fight over the teeny tiny sample of face cream that she purchased from me for a ton of money resulting in her calling me a deceptive bitch and me telling her she should stop using the internet until she could learn to read since the size was clearly stated. We gave each other bad feedback, but I was declared the winner because I had her money. Ha!

    Also, boobs are apparently the topic of the day.
    .-= Dani´s last blog ..It is Not Medically Professional to Lose a Boob, or to Break One for that Matter =-.

  49. I was a sad panda when I saw the auction was only for US address. I knew when that girl sent you a 10$ canadian bill for the James Garfield card there would be repercussion on us all.

  50. So for an extra five bucks would you deliver the camera to me?

    I would have asked this on the ebay site but they want me to create an account. I ain’t fallin’ for that shit.

  51. Whoever is bidding on your camera thinks they’re toying with danger purchasing a ghost. They have no idea what they’re really letting themselves in for. Not the ghost – I’m sure it’s pretty harmless (esp. if it’s anything like that twat in Twilight). But a piece of lego! I don’t care if it’s an angry transvestite of a dragon/unicorn/drinks cabinet. It’s lego. It will find itself under your naked foot when you are at your most vulnerable. Please, Jenny, include a warning in the ebay posting.
    .-= Sandrine´s last blog ..Kids Toys – A Lesson on Quality, Sharing, Respect and Simplicity. =-.

  52. I love this! My dad sells old toys and stuff on eBay for a living. He could have told you how to word it so you get around the assholes of eBay AND sell your cat. He should host an f-ing seminar or something.

    My real point is that I can’t find where to email you. So I thought I’d leave you a comment about how I adore you and your blog. And you NEED to be aware of this. (Urhgh! Can’t link on comments!) Please visit my blog to see what I’m talking about. You will just die laughing.

    P.S. That was not a death threat, I promise.

  55. I would like a unicorn-that’s-also-a-dragon-and-the-horn-is-filled-with-liquor-and-fairies as well. With a side of fries. To go.

  57. It’s all about boobies. The high price and all 😀

    Like you said, “Boobies indeed, my friend.”

    Why bloggess, you are simply awesome. I think your all day usually goes in reading all these hundreds of comments per post. . .
    .-= Dk´s last blog ..A Male Stalker on My Ass. =-.

  59. I can’t believe that I can’t come up with something funny or clever to say about a post on cleavage and ebay….

    maybe I should just try to sell myself, wouldn’t get much with that PR intro though
    .-= arbulua´s last blog ..It tastes like childhood =-.

  60. i sent you the question about the earrings and boobs. i worded my question badly. i probably shouldn’t drink and go on the internet at the same time. i totally meant that your dress is what i wanted to buy, not your boobs. although i do want your boobs as well. ebay wouldn’t allow that auction though. oh, and you might miss them…clothes would fit weird and such. you wouldn’t be able to breastfeed. you probably don’t anyway. unless you try to breastfeed squirrels or whatever animals you have down in texas. bears?

    what was that i said about not drinking and interwebbing?
    .-= holly´s last blog ..why i’m not married to robert downey jr. =-.

  62. It’s totally the awesome rack that is your boobs that has gotten the auction up to $420.

    A camera mildly broken by ghosts… $5
    An almost dead extra battery… $1
    An angry cross-dressing Lego mini-fig… $1

    A signed boobage picture of The Bloggess to show the aliens after you take their picture… priceless
    .-= Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Hump Day Humor: Drunk v Flip Flop =-.

  63. I have a Canon G3 that I have to tape the battery door closed on and push with my thumb just right.
    I totally thought it was busted because I dropped it at the zoo.
    But now I know, a ghost grabbed it from my hand and threw it to the ground! Yay! Not my fault anymore!

    ~HellZiggy
    .-= Hellziggy´s last blog ..Less than 48 hours! =-.

  64. I have tweeted your ebay listing. I have never done that in my life. LOL. BEST eBay listing ever. BEST Q&A section too.

    When is someone coming to make a movie based on your life?! In Taiwan, they made a movie based on this young female blogger’s life. For real. I can totally see a movie like this for you. It could a series of movies:

    The Bloggess Does eBay

    The Bloggess Does Target

    The Bloggess Does Texas
    .-= subWOW´s last blog ..Heartbreaking =-.

  65. Dear Jenny, I come here to get away from reality. This post only served as a reminder that eBay is evil. Well not eBay so much as some of the whoring , theiving sellers. Case in point, a few weeks ago I ordered some merchandise for my daughters birthday party. Sure the merchandise was unlicensed Taylor Swift party plates and cups. And maybe we both could have gotten arrested for our transaction but anyway, this seller promises to send these items to me. Then she just doesn’t. And this bitch has my money. eBay kinda rescued me and is now refunding my money though. So I kinda love them. And just wanna jab the seller in the eye with a dirty tampon.
    Wow, you really brought up a lot of pent up anger.
    Oh but good luck with your haunted camera sale.

  68. Would like you to know that Ebay *totally* doesn’t trust you. Got this message when you replied to a question..

    “Seller has responded to your question about this item
    Do not respond to the sender if this message requests that you complete the transaction outside of eBay. This type of offer is against eBay policy, may be fraudulent, and is not covered by buyer protection programs. Learn More.”
    .-= Michele´s last blog ..Happy Mother’s Day! =-.

  71. I love you (in a totally non-creepy non-stalker way).

    You just ROCK!

  72. I’ve tried to read the auction questions several times but every time I get to the lady who wants to pull off your dress I feel funny. I hope that’s actually a secret message from Victor because otherwise it seems totally inappropriate.

  73. You are freakin’ amazing.
    Can I make you my D&D character’s deity?

  74. Just discovered your blog today and I’m already in love with it. Thanks for being a “familiar” voice in the noise that it is the blogosphere.

  75. How can you know the ghost still isn’t in the camera? You know, just looking at you every time you look through the eye piece, he is just hangin’ out totally staring at your eyeball or worse, totally checking out whatever it is that the camera is pointed at? And, they probably can see through the lens cap so don’t think that will stop him! Arrrrgh!

    You could relist the camera as, “Comes with the Ghost”. I’m sure ebay would like that.
    .-= Lookielou´s last blog ..May Means More Play! =-.

  77. I have to say, I love that Ebay told you you might need to take a tutorial before listing an item again. It’s like a court-ordered DUI class or something.

  79. I don’t know if it’s even worth ever selling anything on eBay again, I mean, if they’ve gotten all crazy with the rules. Which, if I now understand correctly, include: no selling cats without paying list fees, no selling body parts (or cadavers, apparently), gift with purchase is fine, however (although I’m waiting for eBay to completely misunderstand the angry cross-dressing lego fig and think that perhaps you are actually selling an angry crossd-dresser. Without paying list fees.)

    And apparently I would need to study up on secret eBay infiltration strategies because they are trying to get you to incriminate yourself with sneakily worded questions designed to get you to confess that you are selling cats (or potentially angry cross-dessers) without paying list fees.

    That’s it. I’m selling my haunted electronics on Craigs List.
    .-= Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points´s last blog ..At least it matches the carpet. =-.

  80. I’m noticing that the pictures that you post of you, apparently in your house I guess, are pictures you have taken yourself.
    Hummm….why is that?
    There is no Victor IS there Jenny??!! Sure ,there’s a cat and you have boobs and both are clearly fantastic and thankfully not as fuzzy as the next, but you should understand that we still love you even though there is REALLY NO SUCH VICTOR PERSON (that could clearly be taking the pictures of you FOR you. )
    It’s ok, really it is. Just tell us.
    Obviously you decided on the name Victor because when Victor (who doesn’t really exist in your life…and that’s ok) is spelled backwards we all know that Rotciv means. Well…no one knows what the fuck that means but, the point is…we all still love you just for YOU. Well, and your cat. And your boobs. Actually I’m not that crazy about cats so that just leaves your boobs but…you know…I’m jus’ sayin’.
    .-= Fivehead´s last blog ..Why toenail flavored mittens help the economy! Or..A Monkey with a Leaf. =-.

  81. Boobies – BOOBIES sell! Thanks Bloggess… wish I could use my BOOBIES to sell stuff – And just to clarify no one is selling any body parts (wink) – gotchya’. Ebay… ShmeBay… ShmuckBay – I hate rules… ones with way too much detail that I have to remember.

    I laughed and laughed, I did… thanks for giving me a really good laugh. I needs it – going thru rough patch at the moment.

    More humour power to you!!!
    .-= Samantha Banfield – Witty Sam´s last blog ..Warning Danger Sign Prevents Office Workers from Breathing =-.

  82. Ebay got all shitty with me when I tried to sell my husband. Something about selling goods ‘not fit for purpose’. Whatevs.
    Speaking of Husbands, what does Victor think of people on t’interwebs paying over $400 for your mostly broken camera? I bet he’s regretting getting mad at you now, isn’t he? SHOWS YOU, VICTOR.

    Can we suggest causes for donation? What about Anissa? How’s she doing for medical expenses these days? She has boobs, right?
    .-= Arienette´s last blog ..Sobriety, illness, PND, and pork =-.

  83. I had no idea Ebay could be fun. At all. The most excitement I ever had on Ebay was buying some Lego set in a box that was supposed to have been mailed, but never sent. Ebay made the guy pay me back, so Ebay was totally bad-ass. But for you, they were kind of a tool.

  88. How much for the amputated transvestite arm? Those are surprisingly versatile, yet very hard to find on your own without a large, windowless van, a dark alley, and about twenty bucks in blow.
    .-= HannahBanana´s last blog ..TOUCH MY BOOBIES!!! =-.

  89. One time ebay kicked my dad off for being overly aggressive with an antique dealer. It’s actually sad how discriminatory they are. Everyone knows an auction comes with some aggression.

  90. totally random but this website is hilarious. i thought of you when my coworker sent me the link. i have no clue why since it’s about two dudes….one super old and one in his late 20’s…. maybe it’s the brazen attitude and unwavering hilariously rude mouth on the grampa….that…. reminded… me *umm* of you. this isn’t going well. i like you. just visit the site k?

    http://shitmydadsays.com/

  92. Actually I think that would be bad-ass. That camera has been everywhere from church picnics to a Japanese sex dungeon. The things that camera has seen…

  95. You know, I totally hear you about the aliens. I too live in hope that they’ll hover past me in a corn field or something. Except I hope that my aliens will be more stylish than the regular ones – those Dr Spock suits give me the willys. Do you think they have Sex in the City type aliens? That drink martinis and buy ridiculously expensive shoes? But I fear the stilettos would be a tad impractical in a corn field. Maybe they’ll wear those cool patterned rain boots instead? Now that’s something I’d take a photo of…

  98. Of course I found you on Facebook. The internet is a marvelous thing. Can I just say…in defense of the boobie/dress/pronoun lady…I think when she referred to “that” she was in fact interested in your dress. She doesn’t have the cleavage to fill it out but can she purchase your dress?

    Dresses, boobies, cats and cameras…I have all of those things, but what I could really use is your writing ability! Can I buy that from you? I hear we can use Ebay as a middle man w/o having to pay any fees! Wanna make a deal?!

  100. Thank you SO MUCH for this insanely hilarious post…I had a HORRIBLE day and I needed to laugh. You rock and I wish your camera were cheaper because I totally need an exorcist for my shitty alive very loud neighbors. I think your camera would do the trick!

  101. Why haven’t you consulted a lawyer? Okay, I’ll give you a *free* consult. I can’t list it on ebay because it’s free so they will probably yank it and send angry ghosts to my house to steal my other hammered gold hoop earring (some ghost stole one of them 5 years ago and I’m still in mourning)

    So here is my advice: Sue James Dean’s estate for the replacement value of the camera. I mean, really. If James Dean hasn’t worked out his issues yet, he needs some ghost anger management therapy.
    .-= lorrie´s last blog .."THEY TOOK AN VERY ORDINARY GIRL AND CHANGED HER INTO A PHI BETA KAPPA" =-.

  102. I really enjoy all disturbing Lego creatures. I like the Brickarms.com terrorist “Lego” figurines very much; I gave one to my husband, who immediately took it to work and became approximately 15 times more popular. If I was to be so gifted as to be sent a box of crossdressing Lego figures then I would definitely make disturbing jewelry out of them and start an etsy store. I would cut you in on the proceeds. You could donate your proceeds to boobs. Do it for the tits, Jenny.
    .-= LadyV´s last blog ..Tales of A Florida Census Worker…. A Haiku =-.

  104. Pingback: Funny stuff Friday part III | Being Peachy

  105. Thanks for this, Mighty Blogess. It seems to take hours to harvest my crops, plow and plant at Farmtown, so it was wonderful to be so diverted while my little avatar wheeled slowly around the white grapes.

    Of course, it may be midnight before I can bring in the sugar cane, but I forgive you.

  107. After tracking this down from a shared page on Facebook, your post here and on EBay I have to say you’re quite funny. I really like the cat…

  108. OK, just thought I should share. I want a unicorn/dragon that has liquor and fairies in it’s horn too! When I commented on this to a friend on mine (because yes I bring up random shit all the time) he asked how you seperated the fairies and booze. I assume the fairies have liquor for blood otherwise they’d drowned. So do you have to eat them? In which case I would definately be proud to say I eat fairies!

    Then we got on the subject of fairy dust and sniffing that stuff like crystal meth (because they sprakle) while eating/ drinking the liquor fairies like candy wax soda bottles and Peter Pan suddenly making a lot more sense. So Disney, check. It’s your move.

  109. Pingback: Mr. Topp and the Big Bad Blog » Links, with more Star Wars than usual
  110. Pingback: Ebay hates me. France is on the fence. — TheBloggess.com

  111. this story seriously made my life!
    i stumbleuponed the transvestite army story but i find this one much better!
    please marry me 🙂

  112. Pingback: Proof I love My Mom’s Boobs
  113. Pingback: Random uh… Things. « Questionable Sanity
  114. Pingback: Too young to do anything, too old for excuses. « Confessions of a __________ .
  115. Pingback: For sale: Kristoffer Kristofferson. The other one. — TheBloggess.com

  116. wow…soooo happy I found YOU! This little jewel just turned my boring, rainy, tuesday into ICE CREAM AND CAKE!!!

  117. Lol. This post made me laugh a lot. It seems eBay can get a little defensive sometimes. Just best to stay on their good side… God forbid you upset them.

  118. Pingback: I honestly thought it was Saturday until about 10 minutes ago. — TheBloggess.com

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