So last week Victor installed Netflix on our Wii and I don’t understand how that works so I just stared at him blankly when he tried to explain it and the entire time I’m like “You are wasting money” but he did it anyway and now I can’t stop watching movies about serial killers. And then this morning I woke up and Netflix is all “Hey, you like dark biographical documentaries…here’s a movie about cremation” and I was all “Well, okay, Netflix, if you say so” and then I totally did like it and Victor came in and was all “Aren’t you supposed to be working?” and I was like “No. I’m taking a break because Netflix gave me an assignment. You started this” and then he was all “IS THAT A DEAD BODY?! Why are you watching that? WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?” and I was all “I happen to like ‘dark, intellectual biographical documentaries‘ so stop judging me” and he just stared at me and so I flipped back to the menu to show him that I wasn’t just making this shit up and he was all “It doesn’t actually say ‘intellectual’ anywhere” and I was all “Well, it’s implied” and then Victor flipped through the other “I bet you’d like this” movie suggestions and all the suggestions were about serial killers and Jesus and he was like “Really? You are going to get the cops called on us” and I’m all “How did the hell did Jesus get in there?” and what’s really unsettling is that I HAVE NO IDEA HOW JESUS GOT IN THERE. I don’t know if it’s a sign from God or if the Netflix people trying to convert us. Either way it feels kind of inappropriate and a little pushy.
PS. Oh. Wait. Turns out Netflix thinks I need Jesus because Hailey keeps watching these vaguely Christian Veggie-Tale movies. Awesome. Netflix is sending The Passion of the Christ to my 5-year-old.
PPS. Okay, true story? Netflix was just like “Hey, you know what you should watch? Grey Gardens. Here it is. I got it for you” and I was all “OH MY GOD, I LOVE GREY GARDENS” and then Victor was all “Grey what? It’s 2:00 in the afternoon. Why are you still in bed?“
Netflix officially understands me more than my husband.