This morning my friend Kevin sent me a link to a post someone wrote about me in Danish and I was all “Oh I don’t read posts where people are talking about me in foreign languages because I always assume they’re saying terrible thing about me because I’m not on enough anxiety medication” and then Kevin was all “You have problems. And anyway, it’s partly in English so you can probably figure it out”. A direct quote from the blog:
“Listen er slet ikke udtømmende (hadehadehadeord) – så hvad er det bedste du har læst derude? Jeg beder dig tippe mig vej til de vildeste ordekvilibrister og ondeste historiefortællere. For the love of God. Og man må gerne anbefale sig selv. Just so we’re clear.”
Yeah. Totally clear. But by then I was intrigued so I did an online translation and the computer translation explained that he called me a “wild ordekvilibrister” but it wouldn’t translate it any further and I assumed that was probably because “ordekvilibrister” is a horrifically offensive slur that isn’t recognized by polite translators and then I got obsessed because what-the-fuck-does-that-word-mean? and also because I find it helpful to learn curse words in every language but then I finally found it on wikipedia and turns out…
UPDATE: Turns out that the guy who writes that Danish blog is actually a girl and I think in her latest post she calls me fat. Or nice. One of those. Way to jeopardize international relations, online translator.
This week when I wasn’t here:
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):
This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
This week on the internets:
- I made this Top 50 Mommy Blog list even though this isn’t actually a mommy blog. We were all a bit confused.
- I made it onto the Twaggies for burning baby lemurs.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
Comment of the day: I used to wax my girlfriend’s triangle back into shape, but that didn’t make it any more ruly. In fact, it became more intractable with every rip. You don’t discipline vagina hair with pain. Maybe James Dobson’s “Focus on the Family” has some tips. I don’t know. The only thing that ever worked for me was kindness. ~ Fred Miller