Last week some PR chick sent me an email in case I wanted to post a commercial here about the mattress/bedding firm she represents. I told her it probably wasn’t a good fit since their sheets cost more than I paid for my whole bed and then I asked her to clarify whether their comforters were stuffed with dollar bills or truffles. This is where she should have stopped and realized that I was a lost cause but instead she sent me a very long and serious response about average prices of comforters and how theirs are different weights for you and your partner (or something, I blacked out a bit after the first paragraph) but I did appreciate her time and I was a little drunk so I decided to email her back because if I’m going to have to deal with pitches I’m at least going to entertain myself. My email:
See that’s why I just use dogs. I sleep under three dogs and my husband sleeps under one. Or sometimes on top of one. Depends on the weather.
But it’s way cheaper than comforters because they’re dogs. And they’re not even my dogs. They’re just strays that live behind the mall. So I don’t even have to buy dog food or rabies shots. It’s like I’m practically *making* money. WHILE SLEEPING.
Still, I’m open-minded and if you would like to send me a free bed and a comforter I would be happy to write a review comparing how it stacks up to sleeping on dogs. The good news though is that I don’t even like dogs so the odds are already in your favor. Unless your mattress is stuffed with dogs. Then it’s probably about even. Where exactly do I need to submit my shipping address?
Then I went to bed confident that this would be one of the many ridiculous emails I sent out last night that would end in uncomfortable silence but this morning I woke up to a response:
I sleep with one dog under my feet. At this moment we’re not doing giveaways but I will mark down that you are interested in reviewing a comforter in the future.
Touché, Natasha. Touché, indeed.