UPDATED: Cats eat babies. Apparently.

I was just on the phone with my friend Karen and I was in the middle of (unsuccessfully) convincing her about the importance of guns on roadtrips and then I heard that hurk-hurk noise of a cat throwing up so I ran over to scootch Posey toward the tile and the vomit was all glittery and he looked at me grumpily because I pushed him while he was throwing up and I was all “Posey, if you wouldn’t eat tinsel then you wouldn’t throw up tinsel” and Karen was all “Your cat is eating tinsel? That can’t be good for him” and was like “No, I think eating tinsel is normal for a cat.  It makes changing the litter all festive” and she was all “And this is why I don’t have any cats” and I see her point but she also doesn’t have any guns so I think maybe this is less about cats and more about why Karen needs say yes to things more often.

But then I was all paranoid that maybe tinsel was bad for cats so I went to look it up but when I started to google “cats eat tinsel” this came up:

Oh, Google. Why can't I quit you?

Then, of course, I had to click on “cats eat babies” because I DON’T KNOW WHY.  And the answer given for why cats eat babies makes sense.  Except for the end.

Wow.

Also, I did look up “Should cats eat tinsel?” and it turns out that no, no they shouldn’t.  So now I have to pull all the tinsel off my Christmas tree.  Way to ruin Christmas, Posey.

"I also ate two ornaments."

PS.  Don’t yell at me for being a bad cat owner.  I rescued Posey from certain death 14 years ago so every day is a gift.  A gift filled with significantly less sparkly Christmas trees and sad, sad holiday vomit.  Also, he has arthritis and is allergic to himself and likes to sneeze copious amounts of snot in your face while while you’re sleeping.  But he did make a music video for African orphans (true story) so stop judging him.  He’s like the best cat ever.

PPS.  Victor just pointed out that Posey may have been trying to kill himself.  Awesome. And now I’m all depressed again.

Updated: Occasionally robot websites will auto-insert links to my blog into their product posts.  It pretty much never works out for them:

"What pet foods are best for my cat?" "Cats eat babies." Well, that's unfortunate.

219 replies. read them below or add one

  1. ::: Best ::: :::Cat::: :::Ever::::

    Except mine. He chased a Rottweiler out of our yard and was a total badass. And he would cuddle.

    Like

  2. The problem is not so much that cats eat babies; the problem is that they tend to be entitled assholes about it.

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    Ken recently posted The Illusion of Justice.

  3. Truly, I would have been far less worried about cats eating their own babies and far MORE worried about cats eating their owners.

    Now I have to sleep armed.

    Thanks for that.

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    Lori @ In Pursuit of Martha Points recently posted Torment.

  4. Your friend Karen sounds like good people ta me.

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    kalisa recently posted WaitIT GETS BETTER.

  5. Oh, let the cat eat it; it’ll make your home that much more festive when she tries to pass it and ends up running about the house with tinsel hanging out of her ass … you know, not that I’ve seen that.

    Happy Holidays, Funny Lady! 😉

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    Daddy Scratches recently posted It’s beginning to look a lot like fight night.

  6. 6
    me_mumstheword

    My cat doesn’t eat tinsel, but she is very fond of styrofoam peanuts. Except she doesn’t actually eat them, she just chews them into little bits and spits them out. Why? I have NO idea…

    Like

  7. So I wonder what life was like for you (more importantly, us) when there was no internet or Google and no Bloggess blog… what a sad, sad thought. Not as sad as Posey trying to kill himself though. He wasn’t though. I’m positive.

    Like

  8. I eat babies too. I mean, really, who doesn’t?

    Like

  9. that cat is SO laid back! my cats would’ve clawed me into submission before the first chorus

    Like

  10. My cat ate dental floss…and I pulled it…and her legs didn’t go up like those dolls…but it almost killed her…and then she had surgery…but she lived. So, I’ll avoid tinsel now too!

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    Lynn MacDonald recently posted IN which i discuss the blogging process.

  11. What a cute little Posey! I love him. Thanks for sparing him the tinsel. 🙂

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    pixiemama recently posted oh! but! its the most wonderful time of the year!.

  12. I like it when the tinsel hangs out their buttholes. It’s a cat’s way of being festive. Like Christmas sweaters on Mrs. Testoni, our 6th grade science teacher (who was unfortunately named given that she had to teach sex ed).

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    Sarah P recently posted Change of pace- or did I just blow your mind.

  13. I wish my cat would eat tinsel. He likes to eat plastic; it’s not nearly as festive.

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  14. Why do they always want to vomit on the carpet. It would be like if I was sitting on the couch and had to purge and just turned on my side and puked all over the cushions. But noooo, we have to use the toilet or the side of the road or something nasty like a planter outside of a restaurant on a hot sunny August morning.

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    A Vapid Blonde recently posted Sugar- Ah Honey- Honey!.

  15. Your cat eats tinsel…my dog eats catnip mice.

    And FYI? ODing on catnip mice = dog seizures

    Or she was high.

    We’re still not certain.

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    Jessica recently posted stuff i wish i could say.

  16. Thank God the tinsel came UP!
    otherwise Posey might have been sporting a nine-inch, sparkling dingleberry and then you’d be chasing Posey around the house with rubber gloves AND plastic grocery sacks over your hands because everybody knows that a responsible human being doesn’t let a cat run around the house with an extra tail made of pooballs and pantyhose…. I mean, tinsel.
    I DO NOT speak from experience because if i’d ever had such an experience it would have been traumatically blocked from my memory. I’m just saying it COULD have gone down like that, soooo …..you really lucked out, ya know?

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    Jamie the Very Worst Missionary recently posted I hear you.

  17. Boy, do I have information to share with you! Information #1: My father was a mink rancher (back in the days when ordinary people still aspired to wear mink), and if the mothers were scared — say, by a low-flying plane or a flock of mink-eating zombies — they would eat their babies. So mink ranchers used to paint NO PLANES on the roofs of their sheds. Information #2: we used to have a cat that would sneeze mucus all over us, too. Also all over the windows and the baseboards, yuk. Eventually one of his teeth fell out and the mucus-flinging sneezes stopped. Apparently he had an infection under the tooth. Maybe Posey should visit his vet. Information #3: are you trying to make us believe you didn’t click on “cats eat their owners”? I would have been all over that one. Self-defense, ya know.

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    kmkat recently posted WIP FO Wednesday.

  18. Yes, you really should have looked into the cats eating their owners thing. Babies…meh, one less mouth to feed, but I don’t want to lose you, Jenny!!!

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    Catazon recently posted More Dead Pets.

  19. My eyes were particularly drawn to the whole “cats eat their owners”- because of course they do. While you sleep. That’s why cats are evil….its a whole marketing campaign dreampt up by cat haters (i.e., dog lovers) 🙂 I have to give my cat allergy shots because he’s allergic to everything.

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  20. It just occurred to me that the mink ranchers should have painted NO ZOMBIES on their roofs, too, just to be safe.

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    kmkat recently posted WIP FO Wednesday.

  21. I know it’s off topic, but now I’m singing Don Gato. Also, in the play, in 5th grade, I was one of the fish mongers. Only I had a sparkly pink shirt, a denim skirt and neon pink jellies on under my apron. Because it was 1985 and I was a rad fish monger.

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  22. OMG! I listened to the music video like 6 times. You’ve a got a great voice…so sweet. Which just goes to prove that you really ARE like Mother Theresa only Better!!! Pretty sure that dead heifer couldn’t sing…just sayin’.

    And Sarah P…I too enjoy the tinsel buttholes of kitties. So pretty. 😀

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  23. I disagree with Victor. That cat is just a glutton. But he looks intelligent. Everything in moderation, Posey. A little tinsel is a good thing. But it’s made in China, so it’s radioactive. But a little radioactive tinsel can be a good thing. He’ll probably live to be fifty or so.

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    Fred Miller recently posted Duck Hell.

  24. Yeah, my cat refuses to pee anywhere but the spare bathroom sink. I told my hubby that he needed more privacy, but it turns out that he actually has a UTI….so I felt shitty about trying to give him space instead of taking care of his sore pisser. Ohhhh, the woes of being a cat owner.

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  25. why did you have tinsel on your tree? I thought they stopped making that in 1978.

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    lori recently posted Better watch out.

  26. –>Another reason I am glad I have a dog. Then again, she only vomits on the carpet or rug and never on the hardwood floor or tile. Maybe she’s smarter than me.

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    WebSavvyMom recently posted Wordless Wednesday - Urkel in the House.

  27. RE: Comment #5:

    Him … “let HIM eat it.”

    Also, we need to discuss girls’ names and boys’ names. Posey? Really? Why not go one step further and name him “Pussy”? Pretty sure he’s puking on your floor to get back at you. 😉

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    Daddy Scratches recently posted It’s beginning to look a lot like fight night.

  28. Cat snot is actually a very festive green. Adds a wonderful accent to packages beneath the tree.

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  29. why would I even remotely be shocked that your favorite childhood song was about a crippled cat dying and coming back to life? Also damn girl nice voice… I have to go drink more nyquil – stop judging me I am sick damn you.

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  30. This is what we put on our tree
    http://www.leefendallhouse.org/store_product.asp?prodid=245
    The cats can’t/don’t eat it and you don’t find it in your corners until Easter.
    Just in case you were looking for some sparkle for your tree that won’t kill the cat. :o)

    Like

  31. NEWS FLASH!! We had a cat once that was pregnant and we came home one day and BAM the cat was no longer pregnant and we looked and looked and – guess what – NO. KITTENS. ANYWHERE.

    Not knowing anything about kittens, I just assumed they were like little spiders and the wind took them away on their little cat webs and they landed in a shelter somewhere with milk and Tender Vittles.

    Until I read this. It seems that every time I come here a little more of my innocence dies. Although now I know kittens don’t weave webs so it’s turned into an educational experience, too. Win some, lose some, really.

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    moooooog35 recently posted Have You Peed on a Happy Face Today.

  32. “Sarah P December 8, 2010 at 11:11 am
    I like it when the tinsel hangs out their buttholes. It’s a cat’s way of being festive. Like Christmas sweaters on Mrs. Testoni, our 6th grade science teacher (who was unfortunately named given that she had to teach sex ed).”

    awesomesauce…

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  33. Damn autocorrect. That should have said “Also, I Eat Pussy.” I’ll be more careful next time.

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  34. My cats like to eat my yarn. I think they’re hoping to shit out a sweater.

    Like

  35. RE: Comment #27

    I meant HE … “when HE tries to pass it.”

    Also, I see you’ve already addressed the girls’ names and boys’ names issue. My bad. Forgive me.

    I’m done now. I think. We’ll see.

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    Daddy Scratches recently posted It’s beginning to look a lot like fight night.

  36. Ah, tinsel inside cats is okay as long as they throw it up. I’m pretty sure that shit is non-digestible.

    “Also I Eat Babies”

    Um. …not okay, man. Just…not okay.

    I’m keeping my cats away from my future children. And that lady.

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    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted Another Episode Of What The Fuck- Yall.

  37. OK, this is totally a true story. In fact I should post it on my site, but I probably won’t so I’ll leave it here. Once I was cat sitting my cousin’s Siamese cat at our house and she ate a ribbon, which she had trouble passing. So she literally wiped her ass all over my closet trying to get it out. First of all I had to grab it and pull it out, then I had to clean shit out of my entire closet. I mean it was on the walls. Also it turns out that I was pregnant at the time. Luckily my daughter turned out OK. Either that or she was originally going to be incredibly brilliant and she’s now just the retarded version of that.

    That’s my cat poop story.

    Also, I just posted your video to my daughter’s facebook wall. She love the Don Gato song and dancing kitties.

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    Wendy recently posted Sugar Cookies Past.

  38. When I was 7 I had a hamster named Hoagie. I had had her for maybe two weeks and had no idea she was pregnant. Or even a she, for that matter.

    I walked into my room one day and saw an image that is burned into my brain to this day. There in the corner of the cage was a skinless half eaten little baby hamster carcass, just a tail and some legs. After I saw the one decapitated baby hamster body lying lifeless in the corner, I scanned to other side of the cage and there was Hoagie, staring back at me with another innocent baby hamster in the locks of her jaws, chomping away. So, not only did I just see the aftermath of her carnage, I witnessed the actual crime.

    That was a lot to take in as a 7yr old. I started thinking back, had I not been feeding her? Was this my fault? Was I to blame for this massacre?

    Looking back now, I think Hoagie had come down with the sickness from the move 28 Days Later because after she had cannibalized her newborn children she ran around in circles for a while, ran crazily on her wheel, going nonstop for hours, then curled up into a little ball of fur in the corner of the cage, began breathing very heavily for about 2min until she finally quit breathing altogether. Then it was over.

    I think all of this is why I have an intense phobia of squirrels.

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  39. Your cat just wants to belong to Kurt from Glee:

    Finn: Are you sure we should release 300 live doves indoors? Won’t that get kinda… messy?
    Kurt: That’s why we feed them glitter, Finn.

    Like

  40. Hey Jenny! You should sing more often. You have a gorgeous voice!!!

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  41. If he eats enough tinsel, put some yarn around his neck and hang him on the tree as an ornament? Oh wait, that might look a little too taxidermy-ish…

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    juliejulie recently posted Conan O’Brien Wears Jeggings- Should You.

  42. We used to have a ghost cat. It was rescued from a dumpster and would hide all the time somewhere in the house and we only knew we had it cuz it kept eating the cat feed we put it in its bowl. This went on for two years, then it started staring out windows to watch for other cats and when one showed up it was Rowwrrr and screaming and running all over, so we’d actually see it but it was dark at night, so it was this smokey black streak, so technically I still consider it a ghost cat.

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  43. RE: Comments #5, #27 and #35

    See, the problem here is that I’m trying to do all this blog-reading and commenting surreptitiously while in my cubicle … because I’ve decided I’m not going to let The Man keep me from the blogosphere … even if The Man is currently the sole reason I’m able to clothe, feed and shelter my family.

    I should probably get back to work now.

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    Daddy Scratches recently posted It’s beginning to look a lot like fight night.

  44. Poor Posey! But he’s so cute in the video (as are you, Jenny:)

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  45. DON’T DO IT POSEY!

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    Becky Mochaface recently posted Tuesday Trivia- Internets.

  46. RE: Comments #5, #27, #35 and #41.

    Actually, the *REAL* problem here is that I’m so fucking neurotic and OCD-ish that my simple misuse of a female rather than male pronoun back there in my original comment sent me into a psychological tailspin that has now spanned four separate and additional comments .

    I really need to get something with a little more kick than this weak-ass Wellbutrin. I’m leaning towards tequila.

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    Daddy Scratches recently posted It’s beginning to look a lot like fight night.

  47. I wish my kitties would eat the candy canes and then my litter box could smell minty fresh. Like dead babies.

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    Elly Lou recently posted Bad Boy of the Pipe Organ.

  48. Yesterday I saved my husband’s big expensive leather overcoat from being cat-barfed-upon, and I haven’t stopped feeling like a superhero ever since. The President will be calling shortly about my medal, I’m sure.

    Like

  49. My hamster killed himself by pulling his own tail out and leaving this long, bloody tail in the litter. It was winter and instead of digging a hole and burying it, my Dad put it in a jewelry box in a pile of snow on the porch. And? My sister would run into my room moaning, “Jaci, I’m cold! Oh, I’m so cold! How could you leave me here on the porch!” until I cried.

    You know…I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

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  50. My cat always pukes places I can’t get to him…behind the couch, behind the fridge, under the bed. I’d rather have him puke out in the open where I could clean it up easily!

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    Kathy recently posted I feel much better now.

  51. I have had three dogs in my life and they all go apeshit for tinsel. However, my dogs never threw the tinsel back up. I guess my dogs have much stronger stomachs/an easier time swallowing random crap.

    Also, the idea of “suicide by tinsel” is both macabre and fabulous…and also cuckoo bananas. (I just had to sing “Hollaback Girl” in my head to ensure proper spelling. I hate my life.)

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    Kait (Tampon In A Teacup) recently posted 30 Things To Do Before I Turn 30- 2.

  52. Watched the video w/ you and Posey, listened to the whole song. You have a lovely singing voice! Who knew? 🙂

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  53. 53
    Festive kitties

    A few years ago, our cat ate some tinsel off the tree. I didn’t see him do this but I was able to deduce it after seeing something that looked like a shiny string protruding from his backside. Now, I would have happily let nature take its course and allow Butch to pass the tinsel, but my husband decided to grab ahold of the end of it (ew, I know!) at which point, Butch took off like a rocket and my husband was left holding a little “gift.”

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  54. JENNY. Clearly Posey didn’t eat tinsel. He saved you from a Twilight vampire. Your cat is the feline Blade.

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    schoolofmom recently posted Fare thee well.

  55. My cat chews on our fake tree. I was worried he’d try to climb it and knock it over but so far I just have to clean up random green puke. He’s not smart. I wish he’d stop chewing on it. I figure he’ll figure it out eventually. And if he doesn’t, well…. I don’t know. Also, he jumped from a stand to the top of my closet door today. That’s right. He tried to get on top of a closet door. It was hilarious.

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  56. Posey is like the Basset Hound of cats. With short ears.

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    Marinka recently posted Idiot.

  57. This is my first time posting on your awesome blog!

    I thought I should tell you that the cat might not be allergic to himself, but his nose might just be too dry. I had the same problem with my cat, which was solved by buying a humidifier.

    Like

  58. My cat is 17, and has eaten tinsel every Christmas. So, perhaps while they shouldn’t…… I just hate when he has a 12 inch long piece of tinsel hanging out his heiney, with a little piece of poo stuck on the end. Ah, Christmas!!!

    Like

  59. A suicidal cat at christmas time… Poor Posey, I think he is channeling Frosty the Suicidal Snowman that I wrote about!

    Your posts always make me smile!

    Anna, The Pilot’s Wife
    http://www.pilotwife.blogspot.com

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    Anna Barnett recently posted Frosty - A Suicidal Snowman.

  60. I’m a poor college kid who can’t afford tinsel, but don’t worry, my cat fills up on ALL FOUR of the nice new headbands I bought myself. And then he throws them up while I’m sleeping. Every morning feels like a horrible, pukey, headband-mourning Christmas. If only cats spoke English so I could explain to him the eat and puke cycle, and also ask him for five dollars for replacement headbands.

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  61. My girl cat has eaten ribbons off of presents before… Each little turd in the litter box we like a tiny disgusting present…….

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    Kelly recently posted Lets Catch Up- Shall We.

  62. Is the importance of taking guns on a roadtrip going to be a separate post because I’m fascinated to hear this.

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  63. I’m almost certain you eat stuff that’s not good for all the time, just like every other American. Why are you ruining the cat’s fun?

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  64. When I was a kid we had a cat that would eat our easter grass. You know, that plastic green shit they put under the candy and plastic eggs and real eggs that no one wants because they’ve probably gone bad already and you wind up feeding them to the dogs. Anyway. He’d eat this plastic grass and then walk around the house with green strands hanging out of his butt, which my mom had to pull out carefully with gloves. I remember thinking this was hilarious. The cat probably disagreed.

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    Appajoosh recently posted Not So Smooth Criminal.

  65. I’ve woken up more than once with my cat chewing on my neck and trying to rip my flesh from my body, so yah, that whole ‘cats eat their owners’ thing? Totally true.

    If my cat tried to eat its baby I’d be much less concerned about the act itself, and much more concerned about the fact that my cat is indeed a boy and shouldn’t be able to have babies. Plus we had him “fixed”. Even more concern.

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    Kendahl recently posted Remodeling- among other things.

  66. I don’t know why they eat that tinsel. It can’t taste good. Are they thinking, “that is pretty! I think I’ll try eating it!” Hmm, that would give me an excuse for not bothering to try to look nice because that would mean kitties eat pretty things and I’d like to put off my kitty eating my face for as long as possible.

    We had a kitty that didn’t eat tinsel but he would pull the bows and tags off the presents under the tree. Just for fun I think. I guess he was figuring that since these weren’t for him, he didn’t want anyone to have them. Or maybe he was just claiming them all. I don’t know. But for years we opened each other presents to find out what they were and who they belonged to. And we miss that cat a lot!

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  67. You googled “cats eat their babies” but not “cats eat their owners”?

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    katie recently posted Tummy time is bummy time.

  68. My cats destroyed my Christmas tree yesterday. It lasted 2 days before they took it DOWN. Damn Cats and Christmas just don’t mix!

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  69. My cat doesn’t eat tinsel, but I am sure he would given the chance. He has clear access to all things Holiday glitter and tinsel-y, but he only has 3 teeth. And those 3 teeth don’t match up for him to chew and/or stab and spear articles of decoration for consumption. He has the diabeetus, which apparently causes cat teeth to disappear.
    So, basically what I am saying is, feed your cat a steady diet of sugar this Christmas and next year you can decorate however you choose.

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  70. My dog used to go mad for eating the balloon skins after us kids would have a water balloon fight in the yard. Two days later, we had the most awesome dog poop in the whole neighborhood.

    PS: I typo’d “dad” in there instead of “dog” at first. But trust me, it was really the dog.

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    anne nahm recently posted Baby Jay.

  71. I saw your posts about this on twitter. I’m glad you cleared it up. My cats just break ornaments…like $60 ornaments that my mom got me (why would anyone ever spend that much?). Maybe if they ate a few more they wouldn’t break as many.

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  72. Also, you sound like a princess. I was not expecting that.

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  73. a. My NEW puppy is trying to eat everything, but he does not look arrogant and disdainful while doing it.

    b. We got a new puppy. Thanks for your kind words. Here is his pic. http://tinyurl.com/28l4tbw

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  74. Thelma and Louise had a gun on their road trip and look how well *that* turned out.

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  75. At least my cat isn’t the only one to eat christmas decorations. We bought a beautiful big christmas tree, and before we could even get it set up and “fluffed” properly, the cat was chewing on the needles. Nice cat. Then she had the audacity to throw it up all over the ottomon. There is TILE everywhere! But alas, we keep them around anyway.

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  76. @ Random, when I was a kid, the neighbor’s dog bit me in the butt, and after that I was terrified of him. One day he cornered me on the front porch and my three legged cat Puffy went all nobody messes with my human and chased him off. Definitely the best cat ever.

    Bloggess I was going to make a comment about naming your male cat Posey and Victor’s theory about the suicide attempt, but then I realized we named our male cat Puffy…

    However, you can put glittery ribbon on your tree and still have a sparkly Christmas tree and NOT kill your cat. It’s a win/win.

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    Rachel recently posted Adventures in Babysitting.

  77. We put tinsel on Christmas Eve and suck it back off with a vacuum usually 2 days later… It’s worth the cheap thing of tinsel to see the sparkle, even if only for a couple days. It makes Christmas morning sparkle 🙂

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  78. I used to have a cat that ate plastic bags.

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  79. You have a lovely voice, Jenny.

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  80. Also, Winston once ate an entire bag of dark chocolate Dove hearts. Aluminum wrappers and all. He shat sparkly red and gold poop for weeeks. It was so festive looking out in the backyard, seeing the sun glint sparkly red and gold here and there.

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    Rachel recently posted Adventures in Babysitting.

  81. Not to bring everybody down at Christmas…….but my friend had a kitten that ate some tinsel and it got all wrapped around her intestines and she died………
    Sorry…..

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    Jane recently posted More Christmas.

  82. Awesome story. I snorted out loud at work.

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  83. I took in an orange and white rescue cat last winter, who just turned one yesterday. Posie is much more laid back than Loki, but perhaps it’s an age thing. Great vid, and glad to hear you’ve put the tinsel away.

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    azahar recently posted I gotta job!.

  84. I LOVED Don Gato as a kid!

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  85. Wow. Everybody has something to say about cat vomit/poop, it seems.

    I had a cat who ate a stethoscope once. True story. She took little bite size chunks out of the tubing and swallowed them. Unfortunately, due to the bites having holes in them, she was unable to… pass them. Stuff went right through the holes, leaving the chunks right where they were. So surgery. $450’s worth.

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  86. That’s freaking hilarious. The search options that come up can be crazy.
    For the record, tinsel is terribly dangerous for kitties and babies… can cut through their intestines. And babies too. So a cat eating a baby who ate tinsel, double-whammy.

    Like

  87. And I thought the old wive’s tale about them smothering babies because they smell milk on their breath was disturbing! Wait, maybe that’s why they eat their babies! They smell like milk! I guess the ones who don’t are lactose intolerant.

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    SisterMerryHellish recently posted You Better Watch Out….

  88. I heard that cat babies taste like chicken.

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  89. Hasn’t anyone told you Posey is a FEMALE?! All calico cats are female. That must be the problem!!

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  90. I don’t think Posey is a calico. I don’t see any black or grey. So he could be a male.

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  91. ‘I also eat babies’. You just can’t make that shit up! Sorry Posey ruined Christmas. I’ve been waiting for my dogs to kill me in my sleep…it’s only a matter of time. Happy Holidays 🙂

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    Jenn recently posted I’m Ebenezer Scrooge…Who Knew.

  92. 92
    thereisbeauty

    I, too, thought that “cats eat their owners” was probably the more disturbing/awesome part about that screenshot. I think we need another blog post on that one.

    Like

  93. Can I nominate comment #47 for the comment of the day?

    Like

  94. You have a wonderful singing voice.

    Also, my cats eat tinsel too and it sucks.

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  95. When cats take over the world, our only defense will be to convince them to eat their young. It will be a slow, drawn-out war.

    Like

  96. I totally thought you made that Don Gato song up (Zombie cats in a song you’re supposed to sing to babies and small children? You can see why I thought this, yes?) but I googled it and the fucking thing is real. BEST CHILDREN’S SONG EVER.

    Like

  97. See, now they needed to specify that cats ate their OWN babies. Now one of those morons who only reads the title to an article and then goes around spreading the good news is going to come up to me next time I’m pregnant and say, “You know, you got to get rid of that cat. Cats eat babies, dontchaknow?”
    And then I’m going to have to assault yet ANOTHER person whilst pregnant. (That makes 4) Or make a comment about human veal that will probably get CPS called.

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  98. I knew about them suffocating people babies, not about eating babies

    Must be atheists.

    Like

    Fiona recently posted Crickets Chirp.

  99. Sorry, i didn’t read through all those comments but this exact topic has been FREAKING me out for a while now! I read somewhere that if you die alone, after a while it would be in your cats nature to EAT YOUR FACE!!!! I have a big 20 pound Ragdoll who loves nothing more than to sit on my chest practically nose to nose… I get worried sometimes.. what if I’m just SLEEPING?????????!!!!!!!!

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  100. My cat is just a total bitch. She hated me until a year ago, when she also started to love our boys. I think it’s feline senility.

    My ex-boyfriend’s mom had an all-white cat that loved to eat tinsel, too. I will never be able to wipe the memory of that white cat running through the house with silver tinsel hanging out of her ass, my ex chasing her to pull it out. Horrifying, really.

    Like

  101. Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas without tinsley cat barf. Or cat barf on presents.

    Awesome video and awesome song! 🙂

    Like

  102. I have a great money-making idea: I’m going to feed my cats yarn and beads and then sell the necklaces and bracelets I get for free on Etsy. Maybe once things get moving (yes, I meant to say that), I’ll also feed them gold chain and semi-precious stones to go after the up-scale market.

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    Jami recently posted All Done - for now.

  103. I have to agree with Melissa Breau. Comment #47 would be kickass.

    And I totally understand about the snotty thing. I have the sweetest nicest totally amazing cat named Jazz who I think is so snuggly because he wants to wipe his nose in my hair.

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    Laura recently posted Healthy as a Horse or Something.

  104. Cats must hate Christmas ’cause there is so many ways that they try to ruin it.
    Things I can’t have at Christmas time ’cause my cat will eat it: A Poinsettia (super poisonous for cats), tinsel, a real tree (he chokes on the needles), ornaments hanging too low to the ground (’cause they become batting practice if he can reach them, so all my ornaments are hung up high which just makes my FAKE tree look weird and sad), any sort of hanging ornament, paper snowflake, mistletoe, what have you.

    Seriously, my cat needs to learn to stop putting things in it’s mouth.

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    Ashley recently posted The Last Vestiges of Fall.

  105. You won’t want the tinsel up anyway once you know the creepy legend behind it:

    “In both Ukrainian and German lore, the tale of the Christmas spider explains the origin of tinsel. The story tells of a poor widow who couldn’t buy fancy gifts for her children or decorations for their tree. One Christmas Eve, she decorated a tree as best she could with fruits and nuts. After she went to sleep, spiders came out and crawled over the tree, leaving their webs behind. When Father Christmas visited the house, he saw the web-covered tree and decided to turn the webs to silver. In the morning when the family awoke, the tree was sparkling and beautiful.”

    Nothing screams festive like bug-infested fruit on a tree.

    P.S. I copied the quoted paragraph from an old email I sent to my sister and I didn’t write it and have no idea where it came from, so if whoever reads this thinks this is yours, feel free to take credit. My best guess is Martha Stewart. She reads your blog, right?

    Like

  106. What a bloody brilliant idea. Without further ado, I am going to feed Naughty George dogfood laced with glitter to give me wonderfully festive dog shit! That’s why you are the Bloggess.

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    Annie (Lady M) x recently posted So how is winter treating you Send me a picture!.

  107. So…. Your tinsel is made out of dead babies? I didn’t think there were enough dead vampire babies to satisfy the world’s Christmas garnishing needs.

    Learn something new everyday.

    Like

  108. P.S. Why do I never win any of your best caption compeititions?!

    Like

  109. look at the sweet picture of sweet Posey!
    And technically Posey wasn’t really eating the tinsel it was more like tasting and bringing back up!

    My dog is part goat LOL and has eaten a few ornaments as well

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    Gayletrini recently posted Managing the hubbie.

  110. Aww, Jenny what a lovely voice you have. Can you maybe just sing your next post instead of writing it ?

    Like

  111. I’m not sure anyone’s mentioned this, but eating tinsel is unfortunately quite dangerous to cats. We have a cat who eats wrapping paper ribbon. The vet reported the ribbon in his poop to me on no uncertain terms, explaining that it can tie up in their intestines and kill them. Now we have to hide it from him on all holidays. It’s because cats need to eat a certain amount of grass, although our other cat who eats that does barf it back up again anyway.

    Also, yes, mommy cats will eat newborn babies who are either dead or clearly not going to make it. It would be nice if we could send them to certain particularly moronic political “parties.”

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    Victoria Mixon recently posted Linking to the Robert Gottlieb interviewin the Paris Review.

  112. I’ve just spent something like 25 minutes of my working day reading this while in my head the whole time I’m screaming “Please don’t pull the tinsel, People. No! Don’t do it! DO NOT PULL THE FUCKING TINSEL!!!!!!!” Don’t pull the tinsel, or the Easter grass, or the ribbons, or the micro-cassette tapes (that last would have been my cat. Cost? Her – several feet of intestine. Me – a couple grand. My vet and his wife and daughter – an Easter Sunday.) It cuts their intestines to ribbons. (And yes, I meant to day that) OK? Just don’t.

    BTW – the hamster story just disturbed me deeply. I know how my dreams are going to go tonight. Sweet Christ on a bicycle!

    Like

  113. 113
    thereisbeauty

    Um, so I totally just googled “cats eat their owners” and apparently it’s TRUE.
    http://legacy.signonsandiego.com/news/state/20031218-1801-ca-hungrycats.html
    …My cat likes to gnaw on my fingers.
    ……….

    Like

  114. Is it weird that this post makes me want a cat even more?

    And, I love Posey. I think he was just trying to get into the Christmas spirit. Obviously.

    Like

    Marissa recently posted My husbands spirit animal is probably a raccoon.

  115. My favourite part of that lovely informative article is how the author slipped in “Also I Eat Babies” at the end like he/she HAD to get it off their chest but they didn’t really want to get into trouble for it, so, heh, just talk a lot about things like cats eating their own kittens and get people really distracted so when you slip in your HORRIFYING SECRET, they’re too busy wondering if Kitten Infanticide is what REALLY happened to Smokey the Tabby Cat when they were in third grade and their parents said Smokey went to live on a nice farm with people who’d feed him tuna every day.

    Like

  116. So, I’ve just read some (like 10) of the comments and I, never having owned a cat because I’m wicked allergic, had NO idea that cat’s eat such strange things. Your blog is so informative, Jenny.

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    Marissa recently posted My husbands spirit animal is probably a raccoon.

  117. And that should be cats. Not cat’s. Fail.

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    Marissa recently posted My husbands spirit animal is probably a raccoon.

  118. When our cat ate her dead baby we didn’t realize it. I was petting a paw poking out of a blanket, pulled it and there was no kitten attached. It is one of my greatest regrets that I didn’t save it.

    Like

  119. Pretty sure he’s performing a party trick.
    Although it does make the comment “look at this shit” pretty literal.

    Like

  120. 120
    Procrastinateher

    Wow, I’d never heard that song before and you sung it beautifully and now I will have to go listen to it again.

    If your cat was a rabbit, tinsel would be pretty freaking normal. In the few months my (now ex-) housemate had them inside I’m pretty sure they ate more carpet, curtains, electrical cords, leather boots, books, wood and clothing than actual food.

    You know, maybe you should just stop buying the fish-scented tinsel.

    Like

  121. I thank you and Miss Bubba ( my cat) thanks you too for taking that tempting tinsel off the tree.

    Like

    Holly B recently posted Im Not The Only One.

  122. Posey is so cute! Way to go for music videos! I have 2 cats myself, and I’m really hoping they don’t try to eat me or my babies (should I ever have any)… but come to think of it, one of my cats does try to get INSIDE my mouth at night..and now I’m starting to worry that maybe she’s just trying to eat me from the inside out..hmmm.

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    Megan recently posted The exploding ashtray.

  123. We too have an elderly cat with weird snacking habits running toward plastics, but her favorite is ribbon–so she has managed to ruin not only Christmas but all the gift giving holidays. Also, we have a batshit fucking crazy damned dog that likes to butt things with his head, so all the pretty glass ornaments have gone away, too. Soon we’ll be down to the bare aluminum center pole from the fake tree…hey! Festivus is totally pet safe!

    Like

  124. yey youtube, yet another forum to stalk, eh… follow theBloggess! and your voice is totally not what I thought you’d sound like. And you put a smile on my almost face every day! When things are bad, or good or in between even, your words of random madness lifts my spirit. And I love your cat!

    Like

  125. my old cat is fat and lazy, like I can’t be bothered cleaning my bum fat and lazy, fat and fat and did I mention fat? and no super expensive diet has ever worked…I love her to death and I hope I wont have to come to the point where my bundle of lard passes on to where balls of yarn are plentiful and lactose intolerance is no more, but I fear it might be the right thing to…. so would death by tinsel be a festive and nonthreatening peaceful way of euthanasia?

    Like

  126. You have a very tolerant cat. He reminds me quite a lot of my cat Moby. Although he doesn’t eat tinsel. He does however eat lots of strange food like Krispy Kreme donuts, roast pumpkin and fries.
    Sorry, a little off topic there.
    Totally in love with you by the way. But not in a creepy way. Mostly.

    Like

  127. If you were Jewish, you wouldn’t have to worry about your cat eating tinsel. You might want to look into converting. Consult a rabbi. Problem solved. Then you’ll only have to worry about the Holocaust. And whether Steven Spielberg has peaked. And why Hanukkah was so early this year. I mean, Dec. 1? Seriously, lunar calendar? It’s like the moon totally set me up for failure.

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    alonewithcats recently posted Thanks Giving Play.

  128. Okay, a couple of things:

    1. I never realized you had older videos I hadn’t seen. I just watched the one where you show the stuff you got from Japan and I laughed until crying. You do go to engrish.com occasionally, right?

    2. Did you listen to the Kevin Smith, Neil Gaiman, Amanda Palmer thing yet? Quite awesome!

    3. Unfortunately we had to put Stella (our 13 yr. old cat) to sleep just after Thanksgiving. Since Yuri (our 16+? yr. old best dog evah) passed last year… we are now down to one pet… one cat…

    Can you guess? That’s right – CHUPA!!! THE CAT WHO WILL NEVER LEAVE!!!!

    Just thought you should know.

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  129. My old cat used to get po’ed at me when I moved her when she was barfing and always managed a miraculous recovery when she made it off the carpet. Then again, she got PO’ed about alot of things, like if you had a penis or you were a dog. hmmm

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  130. Years ago, our cat ate tinsel, and I came across her scooting her butt across the carpet, trying to dislodge a piece that didn’t come out all the way. It was disturbing and yet hysterically funny.

    For a few years after that, my mother tied each piece of tinsel to the tree, because She Wanted Tinsel, Damnit.

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    ccr in MA recently posted Head- Heat- Christmas Let me sum up.

  131. Ack! Now I can’t get that song out of my head! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

    Like

  132. Ok. I let the last post about the Zombie Apocalypse slide because it was topical, no matter how terrifying. Now you’re singing about cat zombies? Perhaps you don’t take it seriously how very likely a Zombie Apocalypse is, but now that I have to worry about my ugly little dogs becoming ugly little zombie dogs I really don’t know what to do with myself. They can hardly drink water without almost drowning so how do you expect them to feed on the brains of fellow zombie dogs? I’m going to have to start training them or something. Like I’m not already busy enough!

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  133. Sometimes when my kids are being assholes, I wish I ate babies.

    Like

  134. I love the end of that explanation. “Also I eat babies.” Crazy! And I’m still waiting for the story on how you “ended with my arm in a sling and me in a wheelchair.” At Disneyland????

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    Shoegirl recently posted I Sabotage Myself.

  135. So, cats hate Christmas. And eat babies. Probably was a good thing there wasn’t a cat in the stable the night of Baby Jesus’s actual birth, because I’m guessing the cat would have eaten him right on the spot to nip the whole Christmas thing in the bud. And then the cat would likely have vomited. And the star would’ve disappeared, and the shepherds would’ve been all disappointed. Oh and mankind would have been lost.

    Tragedy Averted.

    It’s pretty clear that somebody should write a Christmas Carol about this.

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    The Weed recently posted Technology.

  136. My kitty is awesome too and she always loves tinsel, but thankfully she never ate it. I must admit I’m curious about the kitty video.

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  137. Beware of the longest comment… It’s all my comments in one!
    Okay so I’m being all stalkerish and shit and I’ve spent the last… month? Reading allllll your blog posts. And I mean I started at the first one I could get and read from there. I’ve missed a few pages, and not many. It has honestly been the only way I have survived work with my evil witch bitch itch of a boss that lives to make my life misery and try to ruin my whole career (totally serious here). Anyway! I’ve gotten to the “up to date stuff” and by that I mean HELLLOOOO SEPPTTEEEMMBBBBEEERRR 2010! So tell me… WHY IS THERE NO POST ABOUT YOU AND ALLIE GOEN ON A ROAD TRIP? WTH?! Did this really happen, or did you post it as a comment to raise my hopes and then dash them spectacularly? 😦 Allie is my space hero. I found her blog first and read and reread all her posts before starting on her awesome links which lead me to you! And I still read her latest post about twice a week coz those dogs are awesome. Anyway, so how is it the two most insane and fantastically funny bloggers in the known galaxy got together and didn’t share the love?! I’m so disappointed 😦 And also… I’ve read all the Nancy posts. It’s sad that she died, but we both know she’s kicking ass up in Heaven. ❤ Nancy and good luck with Jesus and Margaritas. Also just read your post about the unfishable dead squirrel. I have to tell you tho, I’m not surprised. It’s a squirrel, not a fish! YOU CAN’T FISH IT! Yeah that wasn’t my original point. I had a new air con installed a while ago and the bastards failed and left holes n my wall so I got a cross breeze from outside. Nice ey. So come dry season, water pooled in my wall from the air con and tempted a bush rat (ugly aussie rat thing that likes to live in roofs and piss on your insulation) which then DIED trapped in my wall. Only the hole wasn’t small, so it was a big JUICY rat. Or I assume it was, because the maggots that came spraying out of my air con while I was trying to sleep were big and juicy. Yeah, I had maggots under my pillow and on my face. No, I didn’t sleep that night, yes, I abused the air con guys. And I slept on the floor in the office for a week. So yeah, your squirrel, not so bad as my maggot spraying bush mongrel.
    Also, in answer to the one thing I really want and haven’t bought? A sniper rifle! Mainly because they’re illegal here and I haven’t done my gun licensing yet (I asked for shooting lessons for Christmas, my mum thought I was crazy). So I’ll have to wait. Other than that, a cello. For some reason I have a strong belief that I am an awesome cello player despite having nigh on no musical knowledge. This comment is getting way long, mebe I should have emailed. OH LOOKIES! My boss is gonna be out of office for an hour so I might just finish your blog.

    And finally… you and Victor are totally awesome and I hope one day I get to marry someone with a crazy personality just like you two. Coz I totally believe in the zombie apocalypse and I need someone to trip. And I had never considered suspenders, but honestly I don’t think youll be showing much zombie vajoo unless you’re not wearing undies. If the zombie apocalypse looking nigh I’ll start wearing jeans and sexy knickers just to be safe. Also, for the record. In every picture I’ve seen you in, I’ve thought you looked really beautiful. And you have the kind of “always pretty” face which means? Yes, those wigs really do look good on you. HAVE A SPECTACULAR NEW YEAR PRETTEH LADEH. I will, I have surgery like next Friday and get 2 free weeks off work. Course I’ll be in hospital and unable to eat solids, BUT THAT’S OK! HOLIDDAAYYYYSSS and I have a laptop.
    The END!

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  138. 138
    @MultitaskMumma

    My mother-in-law told us, when we were expecting, to get rid of our cat (who throws up daily and is diagnosed as bulimic?!) because she would “eat” our baby.

    We kept her, we figure if she did she would just throw her back up.

    Like

  139. Fuck I just realised I finished your blog and now have nothing to save me from my boss. I’m doomed.

    Like

  140. Oh wow I’m a freak commenting again. I forgot you’re in another timezone! It was my 23rd birthday yesterday (for me) BUT IT STILL IS THERE! Do I get presents? I got none for my bday. Literally. No one can afford any.

    Like

  141. I never owned a cat. If I did own one, I’d prefer it didn’t reproduce. If for some reason spaying was not an option, I’d prefer the cat just eat its babies. So score one for the cats. Also, I’m starting to become kind of disturbed by the realization that I don’t really like kittens all that much…

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    Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted There Is No Wonderland Just Winter Also- Bah Humbug.

  142. When my female cat (who is totally my baby and spoiled rotten) had her kittens the father would take care of them when she went to eat and such. Then we caught him trying to nurse them. He also acted like a dog sometimes.

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  143. I had a discussion yesterday with a friend about how RATS eat babies. Not their own babies, but HUMAN babies. It was horrific and scares me almost as much as my reoccuring nightmare about E.T.

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  144. Tinsel cat litter is festive, but only till you have to clean it. Also, nice voice. You should sing for us more often. When I started the video, my cat hopped into my lap to watch Posey and started mewing. I’m pretty sure he was trying to flirt with him.

    Like

  145. Our dog digs up hybernating frozen frogs every winter from around our pond. She tosses them around like toys, then eats them. We’ll occasionally get little puke piles of webbed feet around the house. It’s so incredibly gross! I think I would prefer the tinsel.

    Like

  146. You have a beautiful voice Bloggess! For some reason I thought you voice would be huskier like a 20 year smoker…. weird

    Like

  147. You’ve been nominated for an entirely questionable, but legitimate award, The Blogger of the Month Award. For details see, http://inspiredbycaffeinenicotine.blogspot.com/2010/12/blogger-of-month-award.html for more details, and you can encourage your viewers to vote.

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  148. I didn’t know this, it’s so disappointing, nature is not perfect, but when I look on us human, what we are ready to do to each other, this is just nothing!
    thanks God I have no cat.

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  149. Oh, Victor. Always with the cheery suggestions. I think my cat is trying to off herself as well. 🙂

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  150. Eating tinsel makes sense, it is shiny and dangly and stuff, my cat would have it in her belly instantly. But her oral fixation goes beyond tinsel. She also chews on shoes, bra straps, wooden chairs, my laptop, the water control valve on the toilet, paper bags, rubber bands, electrical cords plugs, shirt buttons, necklace pendants, metal mini-blinds, notebooks, ear phones, and especially my hair! Wood, leather, plastic, rubber, metal, paper…no material is safe from her!

    Like

  151. I will never look at fluffy the same again…. lol

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  152. Nothing eats baby like a cat eats baby. Nothing.

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    megansquared recently posted Should I be upset.

  153. holy lack of boundaries althea…

    and? i just want to know if cats can become zombies. please advise. there isn’t shit on google about it.

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    Kirsten (Results Not Typical Girl) recently posted wtf wednesdays.

  154. Things my cat eats:

    Coats. (Last year, he chewed a HUGE hole through the shoulder of my favorite cold-weather coat and lots of tiny holes in a lighter-weight jacket and a small hole in the shoulder of my only remaining warm coat. My husband said I couldn’t have any more coats until I learned to hang them up. I learned, but it’s gotten me no coats.)

    Toilet paper. Bobby pins. The plastic parts of disposable razors. Lettuce and pickles. Beer. (I know that’s terrible for him, but he drinks out of any open cup the second we look away.) His own vomit when he eats too fast, which actually is kind of nice because I don’t have to clean it up. And he’s kind enough to vomit on the linoleum and not the carpet. Socks. Straws. Trash in general. Earrings. Pizza — he will get it OUT OF THE CLOSED BOX. I spilled tranquilizers once, and he tried to eat them, but I yelled sporadically and cleaned up fast, so he was too confused to eat. Pine needles. Dog food. But he won’t touch catnip.

    I swear we provide him with food and water multiple times a day. We probably should just get his stomach pumped on a regular basis. Maybe he has pica.

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  155. that is an awesome cat! and most adorable cat pic ever! so sad you took away his fun!

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    lydee recently posted Fall 2010.

  156. i once lived in a house that had wild guinea pigs in the back yard. one day, we came home to discover that my cousin’s cat (not mine!) had eaten a guinea pig. starting with it’s face.

    Like

  157. 157
    Pam up north

    My cat likes to puke on top of the couch for maximum effect-she hits the top of the couch, back of the couch, seat of the couch, two pillows on the couch, the carpet under the couch, and last but not least, her mortal enemy, the dog leaning on the couch. Damn animals.

    Like

  158. 158
    doug richardson

    The funniest thing I’ve heard this month:

    “No, I think eating tinsel is normal for a cat. It makes changing the litter all festive”

    I’ll never look at a litter box the same way ever again.

    Like

  159. […] Time to laugh: Of all the blogs I read regularly, there’s one that’s flat out funnier than the rest. Usually, it has nothing to do with pets. Actually, I can’t describe to you what it’s about, except making me laugh out loud every time. Finally, I have an excuse to tell you about it, because this post is about cats, sort of. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Bloggess. […]

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  160. Now that Google has established the fact that cats eat babies there’s just one question left:

    Do cats see dead people? Please advise post haste.

    Respectfully yours, I remain,

    Hiding from the cat that bats at invisible things
    and then runs in terror to the basement

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    cardiogirl recently posted I guess she was just name dropping when she said she knew the manager at Hardee’s.

  161. Why does nature have to be so “Natural”? Why can’t all of the little kitties just be floating on mouf-poufs and puff-puffs of cuteness? Why can’t they all look like they do on wrapping paper or greeting cards? Tinsel poop, eatting kittens and fur-balls are so un-Hallmark…yet intriguing in a morbid curiosity kind of way.

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    Lookie Lou, TPPC.tv Web TV for Pet Lovers recently posted Adorable Jack Russell waits for Santa video.

  162. Never thought I’d say this. The time has come for baby-free tuna.

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    Fred Miller recently posted Duck Hell.

  163. I had a cat that had kittens, one day I came home only to find 4 kitten heads and no bodies! There mama ate them! Awesome, true story.

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  164. My cat, known as “the puke-o-potamus” is reading this post now. She says, “rorrowah.”

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  165. Totally understand. I’m actually surprised you’ve never had to pull the tinsel out of his a**. My cat eats ribbon and I’ve had to yank it out more than once. (Now, even my daughter knows not to leave any sort of ribbon or string on the floor!) LOVE that he’s allergic to himself. Mine has asthma. Seriously. And I have a little inhaler for him too when he has an attack.

    Much love to Posey and the rest of the fam this holiday season!

    Like

  166. Don’t feel bad. My dog ate 2 GLASS Christmas ornaments one year and she survived. And then the next year she ate my homeade ornaments made out of cinnamin, applesauce and glue. I figured she was just at that Kindergarten age. You know how they love glue. I waited to see if she would eat her own boogers but that never happened. I guess since she didn’t have fingers. But I DID have a cow that could stick her tongue up her nose. She knew how to keep her sinuses clean for sure.

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    Tiffany recently posted Just Call Me Grandma- Not really.

  167. My daughter had to take her cat to the vet twice in one day as the cat was ATTEMPTING to pass the tinsel and it wouldnt come completly out of his butt and he was frantically running around the house trying to escape this ‘thing’ that was hanging out. Cats also like that ribbon that curls and is very narrow.

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  168. p.s. Posey looks just like my Lucy I rescued from a HORRIBLE county shelter when I went to Rockport Texas. My son and daughter-in-law, my daughter and myself left with 6 cats that day. Named her Lucy due to henna colored fur.

    Like

  169. But what about chupacabras? Can they eat tinsel? If they can’t, you should really consider tinseling your outside trees as a sort of chupacabra trap. Except they wouldn’t be trapped, they could run away. But they’d be pooping tinsel and I think that would slow them down.

    Now I’m wondering if chupacabras eat babies. Their own, I mean, because duh, a chupacabra will eat a regular baby any day of they week. Hmmm.

    Also I do not eat babies.

    Except for eggs. Are eggs considered baby chickens? Or do they have to hatch first. SHIT, I have some serious googling to do.

    Like

  170. I think there is a connection between that song and cats who send snot over sleeping people. Seriously! I learned that song in THIRD GRADE (in 1969) and our 19 year old cat sprays my husband with snot while he (my husband) is sleeping, Practically every night. Coincidence? I think not. But I’m not putting any tinsel on my tree, just in case. Or letting any babies, of any kind, in the house. Can’t be too careful.

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  171. I’m not really a cat person, so thanks for telling me what to feed them!

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    the muskrat recently posted a lesson.

  172. You have such a lovely voice! “Don Gato~”

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  173. Also? Of course your song would have a zombie somewhere because OF COURSE IT DOES.

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    S.J. Collins recently posted Dum Spiro- Spero.

  174. Still – holiday vomit is better than regular vomit…

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    Jo and the Novelist recently posted National not-having-a-fucking-clue Month….

  175. OMG I thought I was the only one who leaped to my feet and tried to move the cat off the (ONE AND ONLY) rug in the house before they horked up whatever disgusting mess was about to screw up my newly vaccumed rug. Because when they throw up on it, it always is. It’s like they wait for me to do it.

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  176. My cat eats monkey alans rugged chest fleece

    http://askmonkeyalan.blogspot.com

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    Eric Shaun recently posted Lard.

  177. It ain’t christmas until at least one of your pets has a winter wonderland sprouting out of their ass. On a side note, our dog once ate a blue latex glove and I was convinced the next day she would be doing her best back-assward Howie Mandel impersonation. But sadly, she didn’t. That shit would’ve gone viral.

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  178. My cat ate a length of floss once. The result was disgustastic. All you parents talk a big “love” game when it comes to your kids, but you have not expressed love until you’ve had to remove feline rectal floss.

    Like

  179. hahaha I’ve been too busy to catch up with my google reader for a few weeks. Oh how I have missed your hilarious posts.

    Like

    Mads recently posted Walking a puppy.

  180. This is why I have dogs. Mine are too smart to eat tinsel from China. Instead they just eat everything else that isn’t nailed down: plants, bedspreads, billfolds, pillows, old bowling pins, volleyballs, and half a set of Tuppewear. However, in their defense they only eat things made here in the U.S.

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    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Notice- This is truly sick and twisted- Christmas funny 8.

  181. My cat ate yarn once. ONCE. She is now no longer allowed near yarn.

    What @daddyscratches said in comment 5 is true. If you’re lucky, the string/tinsel will end up hanging out the cat’s ass. Not that I’ve ever seen that, either.)

    Like

  182. I have a boy cat named Molly, a girl cat named Moses and a cat that eats the needles and shit from the tree. His puke is a real festive green. And a little slimey just to make things more interesting.

    I like Posey’s whole name it *is* Bad -Ass.

    I also was unaware that Tinsel still existed so way to be retro and cat friendly!

    Like

  183. Tinsel will cut like papers. That’s the problem with it. Talk about hemorrhoids….

    Like

  184. sounds like my house, except here it is the 3 yo that is vomiting and eating the ornaments… but I don’t think he eats babies, and I’m the one allergic to myself, and I think the nanny is trying to kill herself.

    same thing really

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    angelica recently posted On Chicken Soup for the soul.

  185. I don’t know if Lee Valley is something we only have in Canada, but pet safe sparkly tinsel for your tree: http://www.leevalley.com/en/gifts/page.aspx?p=46636&cat=4,104,53211&ap=1
    http://www.leevalley.com/en/gifts/page.aspx?p=45140&cat=4,104,53211&ap=2

    Also – infinitely easier to clean up.

    Like

  186. my cats eat tinsel too – they make me mad!

    Like

    Doreen Payne recently posted .

  187. ok I generally try not to be serious on here, but tinsel really can be very very bad. A friend’s cat died because she at a big piece of tinsel and it got caught in her intestine. Really awful. Sorry for the sad note… but yay for baby eating?

    Like

  188. I googled “cats eat babies” to see if it’s true and the first hit was “do cats eat babies when dead”.

    So don’t let Posie die of chewing tinsel, or you’ll have to deal with a zombie cat looking for babies to eat.

    Do you think zombie cats walk on their hind legs? “Miaoooowww baby braaaainnss!” Awesome.

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    Mr Farty recently posted Simply Redilculous.

  189. Rabbits do the same thing. If the mom rabbit feel threatened or scared, she will eat her babies for safety. I had this one rabbit growing up that it didn’t matter how many litters she had, she’d munch them.

    Like

  190. Posey looks like Hailey. Not in a mean your-kid-looks-like-a-cat way, but like a dog and it’s owner resemble each other kinda way.

    Like

  191. The stray alley cats around here NEVER eat their babie keep having them. I’m going to read your post to them.

    Like

  192. 192
    Zombie Badger

    I used to go to a summer camp where we sang “senor Don Gato.”

    I went back as a counselor and they added to the song, because apparently him being alive wasn’t enough.

    It became;

    “When he awoke and saw the light of day,
    senior Don Gato’s lady cat had gone away,
    maybe we should try and catch her meow, meow, meow,
    no I think I’ll stay a bachelor meow, meow, meow
    it was the —” You know what screw it I don’t remember the last line.

    Either way, Don Gato obviously never loved his lady cat.

    Like

  193. 193
    acrannymint

    One of my cats likes to eat plastic bags – they come out one way or the other. I am dreading the day there is a blockage. Another cat developed grain allergies at the age of 14. I now have to feed all the cats expensive catfood because it is too much of a hassle to try and isolate just one.

    Like

  194. I know others have already said this, but really Jenny…you have the loveliest voice. And Don Gato is for sure the 3rd prettiest song about reanimated cats I’ve ever heard.

    Like

    angela recently posted Wine- chocolate- and Johnny Depp.

  195. my cat peanut ate a couch once. also ink pens, toilet paper, leaves, rocks, paper clips, plastic wrap, a ketchup packet – anything she could get her teeth around, really. my vet bills were HUGE.

    both cats LOVE ornaments. i finally learned, and fill the bottom 1/3 of the tree with the shatterproof ornaments that they can bat all over the house without breaking. the breakable ornaments get wired onto the tree in such a way that it take me hours t remove them. tell me again why we put up with this?

    posey is a VERY patient cat, and you have a beautiful singing voice. i love the song! thanks for the intro.

    Like

    Ericka recently posted Best Snackies EVER.

  196. Cats only eat babies if there’s no tinsel around. Now since you’ve eliminated all the tinsel and she has no babies, i think you might have a problem.

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    Mrs. P recently posted Only one of these has never happened.

  197. You aren’t worried about the one that said “cats eat their owners”?! This is exactly the reason I will never get a cat. All because of a movie that I watched when I was 8 where this cat had a little alien cat living inside of it and the alien cat would jump out of the other cat’s mouth and kill people.

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    Mandy recently posted I’m dying and it’s all WebMD’s fault.

  198. […] The Bloggess researches whether eating tinsel is bad for her cat. (YES.) […]

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  199. It’s a well known fact that cats will eat their owners “when dead.” This is especially true if the owner, before “when dead,” was a spinster with multiple cats. This suggests several rules:
    1. Never keep enough cats that they can hold you down and eat you before “when dead.”
    2. Never keep so many cats that your corpse will not last until help arrives for them.
    3. If you already have more cats than that, you need to “pork up” before “when dead.”
    4. If you are planning to become “when dead” during the holidays, you should consider dressing in spangles and sequins or festooning with tinsel in order to provide a properly festive atmosphere for the kitty banquet.

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    Jonah Gibson recently posted A TYRANNY OF LISTS- 6 Good Reasons to Avoid Making Lists.

  200. Re eating babies:

    Only when they’re really, really hungry.

    p.s. That “Oh Google, why can’t I quit you?” is laugh-out-loud. I’m a writer, and I can do a lot, but I can’t do funny. So thanks for that.

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    Shelley recently posted Welcome.

  201. Posey looks like a cross between rabbit and hamster to me in that picture. Perhaps you have been raising him the wrong way?! So now he has some sort of identity crisis. Way to go Angelina Jolie!

    Like

    subWOW recently posted Getting into the Holiday Spirit.

  202. I love your version of Don Gato – you have such a lovely voice!

    my cats have always loved to crunch on xmas lights and steal the ornaments, so I now trim the bottom of my tree with cat ornaments (ie, cat toys)

    Like

  203. Dude, you can totally keep your tinsel and not worry about the cat! Just go to the pet store and pick up some stuff called Bitter Apple; cats hate it and stay away from anything sprayed with it — when I worked for a vet we used to tell people to use it so that their cats wouldn’t lick or bite at sutures after being spayed/neutered/whatever.

    Hope that helps 🙂

    Like

    Lex recently posted Random Tuesday Thoughts Vol3 - The Cake has been delayed.

  204. I can’t find a picture of a kitten with an apple in its mouth on the internet anywhere. So disappointed. Not that I wanted one. I just thought people would come through.

    Like

    Fred Miller recently posted Duck Hell.

  205. Your blog topics MIGHT be interesting to read if you had ANY writing skills to properly communicate them. Your lack of riting ability makes it impossible to tolerate reading this blog.

    I just read a post with a 95 word sentence.

    Like

  206. Cats + Tinsel = Bad. We learned our lesson the hard way when my cat jumped on the bed and started doing “The Accordion,” when the cat expands and contracts the length of its body in a rhythmic fashion. Any cat owner knows what comes after The Accordion. Puke. And when paired with tinsel, it’s a shiny ball of puke. A golf ball-sized shiny ball of puke, to be exact. I’ve no clue how it came out of that small body.

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    Amanda recently posted Oh @! Christmas Tree.

  207. Oh, Jenny. You lack “riting” ability? Does that mean you cannot perform secret rituals?

    And poor “Not Jenny” lacks spelling (or typing) skills (and probably writing ability as well) (and maybe a sense of humor?)

    (I don’t lack parenthesis skill)

    Like

  208. 208
    littlepitcher

    My cats would play soccer with ornaments, on any tiled floor, and I’m still beating myself up for not buying a videocamera and saving the games. One did, indeed, kill and eat the ornaments with no apparent ill effects. They vastly preferred table leftovers to tinsel.
    Have you tried feeding Posey coffee beans and selling the cats**t beans to gourmet idiots? If I hadn’t developed a cat allergy, I’d be coffee-farming them.

    Like

  209. Your post made me laugh (as always), so thanks for that. But I just had to share this…about a Siamese cat we had when I was young. She loved to eat any stupid thing she could, including tinsel. She regularly at it at Christmas time and then hacked it up…most of the time. Until one time she couldn’t, and couldn’t eat and became rather ill. Turns out the tinsel had gotten all twisted up on her insides on the way…in and out. My parents ended up having to pay like $600 for the surgery to get the tinsel removed. True. Story. My mom hated that cat actually and didn’t want to pay for the surgery. But of course Dad loved the cat, so the vet fixed her up, good as new. We didn’t use tinsel anymore after that. Mom said it was too damned expensive.

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    Tina recently posted The Truth About Santa.

  210. I just don’t understand how those cats are eating babies – or anything else – when they’re dead. People, dead cats are dead! They don’t eat or breathe or meow or . . . oh wait, we’re talking about the BABIES being dead? Well, who cares if they eat dead babies. The cats didn’t kill them. But I guess the babies’ parents might freak out . . . oh wait, we’re talking about the CAT’S dead babies. Well, duh. Many critters will eat their offspring if the babies are dead. And this whole discussion could have been avoided if the douche canoe using Google could write a coherent frickin’ question. Mutter mutter grumble grumble word geek.

    Like

  211. Did you photoshop the picture of Posey to enlare his eyes? Because, damn, he really reminds of Puss in Boots from the Shrek movies. Seriously, I “awwwwed” over the picture and then expected him to be coming at me with a rapier.

    Like

  212. Thanks to the cats and the 19 month old our tree only has lights this year. I can’t blame the cats entirely for the lack of tinsel though since in our area you have to take all the tinsel off the tree before they’ll pick it up for recycling which is a huge PITA.

    Like

  213. I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I am pleasantly surprised to find that you have a really nice voice, I mean like musical theater performance good. OK this made more sense before I started typing but the gist is, nice singing voice. I am impressed.

    I wasn’t actually going to watch the video, but when I realized you were singing that song, I had to watch the whole thing. I remember my older brother and sister learning that song in school when we were kids and for years I could only remember the first line and I thought this would be a good opportunity to refresh my memory… Now I’m realizing, I don’t know the song at all… Including the first line which I always thought was, “Don Gato was a pussy cat, way up upon a roof he sat, where the reading light was better (meow meow meow) He was reading a love letter (meow meow meow.) That’s all I got.

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    Kevin recently posted Rode Along.

  214. I actually dint have a cat but a lot of cats get inside our house to look for food..they scratch our garbage can!

    Like

  215. […] more on Auto-Correct stupidity, see The Bloggess about Google Auto-Correct to better understand my […]

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  216. Hello. I just discovered your blog and love it and now I’m going to be the annoying person who posts a comment a year after the fact, but I wanted to say that I loved your Don Gato song. But the cat becomes a zombie? So the cemetery they pass is the creepy Pet Cemetery from the Stephen King book? If cats become zombies that answers a lot of questions about whether they eat babies.

    Like

  217. your voice is soooo pretty

    Like

    Always recently posted I am broken. But I am not alone..

  218. Hold on Hold on. You mean to tell me that “Cats eat their owners” didn’t stand out to you!!?? I think that’s a little more alarming, if not impressive than cat’s eating their babies.

    Like

    Tina recently posted Movin' On Up..

  219. A lifetime ago (literally, cause she’s dead now) I had a beloved cat named Chloe. She prided herself on her elegance and refined manners. Except at Christmas. She developed an obsession with one specific ornament. It was handmade from thick paper pulp with a snowflake embossed on it. I’d gotten it in a fancy art gallery. Although I coveted all the amazing art there, my waitress tips from a golf resort in winter could only afford me the ornament. She would steal it every day, carry it off and keep it next to her. I thought the tiny teeth marks had ruined it’s rustic perfection. But now, several years after her death at the age of 18, those tiny teeth marks are what make it perfect. It has become one of my most treasured ornaments and Christmas time memories.

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