Questions that haunt me about the Island of Misfit Toys. (This was going to be on twitter but it wouldn’t fit.)

It would be awesome if at the end of “Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys” (when all the misfit toys are being parachuted out of Santa’s sleigh into children’s chimneys) for the last toy to be all “Oh, and also we all have contagious anthrax”.   Because if *I* ran into a bunch of toys that were forcibly isolated in a siberian island my first thought would be “leper colony”.  Or “convicts”, maybe.  Also, I would be pissed if santa sent me some kinda fucked-up, possibly-plague-riddled toy train with square wheels that’s been laying in the frozen tundra for years.   That’s like the shittiest gift ever.  Plus, all the other toys got umbrellas to help them land softly but they just pushed that bird toy out with no umbrella at all which seems fine until you remember that the bird was a misfit BECAUSE HE CAN’T FLY. I’d like to think that about 10 seconds after the credits roll Santa is all “…oh. shit.” And also, a bird that swims isn’t really a “misfit”.  It’s a duck.

PS. This post would have been better if I’d written it before Christmas when it was still seasonal or possibly just not written at all.  Victor says it’s more of the latter.

PPS.  Remember that dolly that “can even say how-do-you-do”?  What was her problem?  She looked perfectly fine from the outside so why the hell was she a misfit?  My guess?  Vagina Dentata.

"Dear Santa: Please send me an extremely emo plane and an elephant with some sort of rash."

143 replies. read them below or add one

  1. My guess would be she was criminally insane. .. but that’s just the way my mind works.

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    Holly B recently posted The Christmas Cameltoe.

  2. you are just awesome!

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    britta recently posted Roadtrips with kids.

  3. Re: Vagina Dentata.

    I remember a Sci-Fi show where a really hot looking pregnant woman would show up, as though she was a new widow. At some point she would not be pregnant any more and would then seduce some man and return to a fully gravid state. Of course we never saw a baby, or the seduced man again.

    Or was that in our Sex Ed class?

    Like

    mousebert recently posted The Question.

  4. Ducks can fly…. so penguin? Or ostrich maybe?

    Like

  5. There is a reason for all quarantines. They may not be popular with the people (or toys) being segregated but for the rest of us (or toys) we’d prefer to not associate with anthrax riddled, leprosy infected trains with square wheels.. thank you very much.

    Santa can be a real jackass.

    SD
    http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/

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    Simple Dude recently posted Once Horrifying- Now Funny.

  6. I’ve always wondered what was wrong with that doll. My guess, she was just eye candy for all the other boy dolls.

    Like

  7. Vagina DENTATA? Bwahahaha! I haven’t laughed that hard in a really long time! Thanks!

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    Brandee recently posted Imposter Sauce! December 26 reverb10.

  8. I have always wondered why the doll was there too. I say she had the same fate of the Blythe Doll and people didn’t realize what they had. 🙂

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    Heather recently posted Ive been so blessed.

  9. I guess little girls didn’t want a ginger doll. Damn racist kids.

    Like

    Kait (Tampon In A Teacup) recently posted Ordinary Joy- Puppies and BFFs.

  10. This is why I am Jewish. Well, that, and the Easter Bunny. WTF is up with that? I mean, SERIOUSLY?!

    Like

  11. She was probably attracted to commitment-phobic men. Not that I know anything about that.Pp

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    Kernut the Blond recently posted A Pigeon Named Spot.

  12. Thanks, now I know what vagina dentata is. Learn something new everyday.

    Like

    Barbara recently posted Endure for Endometriosis.

  13. I think that they’re just racist against redheads in toyland. (Yes, my red-haired husband insists that they are their own race.. and when you think about it, how do we distinguish races? Usually by hair and skin colour.. so like.. red hair, pale/freckled skin? Sounds like a race to me.. so he has a point.)

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    Alison recently posted Christmas Eve.

  14. According to Wikipedia (the ultimate source of all knowledge and wisdom), the doll had a psychological defect. Yeesh.

    …and aren’t birds that swim called penguins?

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    Steve recently posted 218 Idol Gear.

  15. i find myself singing “all i want for christmas is my vagina teeth, my vagina teeth, my vagina teeth.” ya know, cuz i’m feelin all bloated and unmerry which my husband doesn’t seem to get.

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    pattypunker recently posted freelance whales.

  16. When I was a little girl, I used to cry because I felt so bad for all of those toys…now I realize Santa was doing me the favor of preventing me from contracting a disfiguring communicable disease. Thanks Santa, you’re not such a creeper after all…

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    Rachel recently posted eHarmony Sucks…just sayin’.

  17. *howling* I will never be able to watch that movie the same way again. EVER!

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    Bernie recently posted Pimping Some of My Favorite Blogs.

  18. The dolly was a serial killer, a la Chucky, who went on to star in a string of B horror movies in the mid 80s.

    Like

  19. 19
    JustMom420zaks

    hmm… I see there’s still eggnog mixed with rum at Jenny’s house

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    JustMom420zaks recently posted The Spirits Have Done it All in One Night.

  20. I had no idea what vagina dentata was until today (horrified.) but mostly it just made me think of a vagina frittata.

    Like

  21. Hahah! this was just awesome! I think of all the misfit toys the doll was my favorite. because gingers are always different (as i’m a ginger myself and thus know this lol!)

    Like

  22. “VAGINA DENTATA!!!!” I haven’t been the same since seeing that movie. I’m worried I may need some dental work or something.

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    Andrea recently posted Thats Not My Name.

  23. Is it weird to be proud that I already knew about vagina dentata?

    On a related note, I recommend you and Victor watch Teeth on your next movie night. Tell him before it starts that “this is what could happen next time you ridicule one of my posts”. You’re welcome.

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    Marissa // Mr. and Marissa recently posted 7 Things I Love- Full of Christmas keylime pie edition.

  24. Ack — the movie I’m referring to is “Teeth.” Have ya seen it??

    Seen it. Dark, funny, horrible. What’s not to love? ~ Jenny

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    Andrea recently posted Thats Not My Name.

  25. As always you never fail to amaze me or make me laugh!

    I bet you any amount of money that the doll was a big ho.. and she slept with all the toys on the island. See, they could have left long ago, but why? Why go when you have Dolly Ho.. to service your broken misfit ass? *grin*

    Wookiesgirl

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  26. I would just like to personally thank you for the Twitter warning on vagina dentata – I refuse to click the link or google it. I am positive I am better off NOT knowing. That aside, the post was hysterical and a little TOO true.

    Like

  27. Because she is a no-nosed, no good, ginger girl who doesn’t wear underpants!

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    Rico Swaff recently posted Rick- Roxy and Baby Ruby Suave Sending You Holiday Hugs- Kisses and Charlie Horses.

  28. Damn that 140 character limit! Twitter, SO ANAL ABOUT THE NUMBERS. Plus, I hated that little green hat elf. If Santa had brought that thing to me, I would’ve taken a hammer to it’s little obnoxious wooden head so fast! Or is that one of those other obnoxious Christmas Specials I happily managed to not watch this year?

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    Karen recently posted Benzodiazepines- Off to the Doctor- The Regular One Today.

  29. Uh oh. In comments on the Infamous Gift Card Avalanche, I called you the Queen of the Island of Misfit Toys. But it had NOTHING to do with your vagina, and I apologize if your vagina is offended. But if it is, I would tell it to quit being such a pussy.

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    Julie the Wife recently posted Merry Christmas- Wifers!.

  30. Why, yes, after three children, I still had a little innocence left to lose. . . oh, look! It’s gone!

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    Heather recently posted Well- crap.

  31. Didn’t the doll cry jelly or something?
    Where the hell is the jelly coming from? Is it some sort of euphemism for tears of blood? That’s almost as creepy as a toothed vagina.

    Like

  32. Just want you to know that I try to not read you….but keep coming back every time. You’re naughty but really nice, and I appreciate both equally.

    Like

  33. Actually, she was clinically depressed. I saw that in a discussion once by the writer/producer or someone. Also, I am afraid to click on the link. will later. maybe tomorrow in the morning so I don’t have nightmares tonight.

    Like

  34. Ahh come on, the bird had it coming – you can’t molly coddle flightless birds forever!

    Like

  35. This from IMDB:
    Why is Dolly for Sue, who is apparently a perfectly ordinary doll, living on the Island of Misfit Toys? This gripping debate raged on for decades, until official word from Rankin-Bass recently decided the issue: Dolly for Sue is a “misfit” because she has psychological problems – she feels unloved.

    I

    Like

  36. @Nina If I recall correctly, it was a water pistol that shot jelly instead of water. Because apparently it would be too hard to just put water in there when the jelly ran out. It’s like the toys WANT to be misfits.

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    Alison recently posted Christmas Eve.

  37. I think you’ve misunderstood what really happened at the end. Santa just rounded up all the misfit toys to give to the kids who were jerks all year.

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    Barbara recently posted My Cat Would Never Wear This.

  38. Bill Amend (guy who does the Foxtrot comic) theorized that the doll had a penis. I think I’ll have to flip a coin for which theory I’ll go with. Both make sense to me…

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  39. Cartoonist Bill Amend tweeted a couple of days ago that when his kids asked what was wrong with her he told them she had a penis. I always liked Foxtrot okay but he went up three sizes that day.

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  40. Hmm…if the doll is/has vagina dentata, then that creates an entirely new job for the elf who wants to be a dentist.
    the mind boggles. and the visual is pretty tremendous, too.
    just saying.

    Like

  41. Duh. You’ve totally misdiagnosed the quarantine-able disease. The elephant makes it pretty damn obvious, too. It’s smallpox. You’re welcome.

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    MommyTime recently posted In Love aka- All I Want for Christmas is this Gorgeous Stuff I Dont Really Need.

  42. In the middle of my cranky afternoon you made me laugh. I’m now imagining that creepy doll hooking up with the dentist wannabe elf. Creepy, but I can’t stop giggling. I’m pretty sure my husband is going to have me committed.

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    followthatdog recently posted Playing favorites.

  43. My God, I love you people.

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  44. I always wondered what was wrong with the dolly as well. Then I thought it was because she had no nose?

    Like

  45. According to Wikipedia, Arthur Rankin Jr. gave an interview on NPR and said that Dolly had a psychological disorder because she was abandoned.

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  46. I would venture to say that since I am sure a bunch of men made “Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys”, it is probably some symbolic gesture of, “If we had it our way, we’d take all you crazy women who want equal rights and stuff and stick you on some island far away from everyone.” Thanks so much for the laugh! :o)

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  47. Oh, no wonder my dentist always asks me to take my pants off…

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    Lisa recently posted It’s Never Black &amp White.

  48. I hate it when people like me have “actual answers” to questions like this. I choose to go with Holly B on this one– it’s the nice-looking, quiet ones you really have to watch out for.

    Whether or not she has vagina dentata is irrelevant, it would just be yet another tool in her secret arsenal. And now Santa has ignorantly unleashed her on the world once again!

    Like

  49. That Santa was a total asshat who mocked those who were different (even if they were newborns) and was emotionally abusive to the elves. It does not surprise me in the least that he would throw a non-flying animal out of his sled. I hope Rudolph eventually goes rogue and gores Santa to death, freeing the elves and putting Mrs Claus in charge. You know why she was always feeding Santa? Slow acting cumulative poison, that’s why. The Santa from Frosty the Snowman, in contrast, was a nice person. The Santa from Frosty the Snowman could marry the newly widowed Mrs Claus from Rudolph’s universe and everyone would live happily ever after.

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    Betty Fokker recently posted We wish you to Marry Christmas … she’s a nice girl.

  50. Remember Chucky? See how dolly is also a ginger? Coincidence? I don’t think so…

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    Brandy recently posted The point of this post Is to make you jealous.

  51. This is not a comment to the subject… I just came back to do the “I was the first commenter bitches ” dance!!! BTW… I twirling batons while doing it. The batons are mandatory… the tutu is just for fun!! =]

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    Holly B recently posted The Christmas Cameltoe.

  52. I know of a place where there’s a cat that eats tinsel and there’s a gun that shoots tequila. It’s ruled by James Garfield and he performs miracles. Repunzel refuses to live there. She’s a bitch.

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    Mrs. P recently posted With Love- Mrs P.

  53. First off, why didn’t anyone mention the cowboy who rode the ostrich?….did I miss that somewhere? Because an ostrich is way faster than a horse, so technically, the cowboy was just ahead of his time and probably killed off all of the other cowboys all, “POW!….catch me now, sucka!”

    Cowboy wasn’t a misfit. He was a fugitive.

    And the bird who couldn’t fly was just a groupie. And the depressed Sue dolly or whatever…obviously wasn’t from “owner rejection.” Read between the lines, people: Love triangle. Cowboy runs off with Charlie in the Box, leaving little Sue all conflicted inside.

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    Jessica recently posted what really goes on in my life aka- behind the scenes new new house pics.

  54. BAH! This is good stuff!
    I’m guessing if unloved toys go to the island, and Dolly has vagina dentata, she’s definitely not feeling the love from pretty much anyone, therefore she belongs there. Next to the elephant with scabies. And the airplane from China with lead-based paint. And likely all the Barbie dolls I did botched buzz cuts to when I was little cuz I needed a couple of them to become Ken.

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    Steph recently posted Sushi and Antlers and Friends- Oh My!.

  55. Oh, Jenny, that cute little girl doll? That is the reason Santa is always saying “Ho, Ho, Ho”. Communicable diseases indeed.

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    Carrie recently posted Take that- Cancer!.

  56. Do you think she was a doll prostitute in her former life? Just asking.

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  57. I always thought she had genital herpes. Thank you for clearing up that urban legend for me.

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    Renee Schuls Jacobson recently posted Teacher’s Pets- It’s Not What You Think.

  58. C’mon, people! It’s obvious what that doll’s defect is. SHE DOESN’T HAVE KNEES! She’s a ginger leper without knees! Even the spotted elephant behind her is mocking her… because she has no knees!

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    XanxiuZ recently posted Space Invaders and White Dudes with Goatees.

  59. Vagina Dentata would be a great name for a band.

    Like

  60. I said the SAME EXACT THING about that swimming bird when we watched Rudolph about 5 days ago. Which goes to show you that my brain & Jenny’s are alike in some small way. Be afraid – be very afraid.

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    kaela recently posted dark days- chicken &amp sweet potato stew.

  61. I was scared to click on Vagina Dentata for fear I might have it and not be aware. But I’m pretty sure I’m in the clear on that one.

    Like

  62. OMG you are just hilarious!

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    Pam recently posted MeetMe On Monday!.

  63. Prostitute dolls?
    Gung Ho – the eager central Asian one.
    Tally Ho – keeps good records.
    Don Ho – the male one
    Ida Ho – Mr. Potato Head’s Favorite
    Forward Ho – not shy at all

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    mousebert recently posted The Question.

  64. Extremely emo plane. GIGGLE.

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  65. My kid saw that damn island of misfit toys and now she wants a water pistol that shoots jelly.

    WILL SANTA COME CLEAN THE WALLS AFTER SHE TRIES TO PULL THIS OFF? NOOOOOOOOOOOO.

    Thanks for fucking nothing, Rudolph the Rednosed Reindeer. Your life sucks and you just gotta drag everybody down with you, don’t you???

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    JustLinda recently posted I killed Santa but I’m sure you’ll understand.

  66. “As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”

    Oops. Wrong bird. Wrong flying vehicle. Wrong holiday. Sorry.

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  67. It wasn’t Santa. It was that evil elf who withheld the umbrella. And where exactly did the handle go on the train? No close up on that one.

    I see Wikipedia is asking for money, but how they can expect anyone to contribute when they don’t have pictures on the vagina dentata page is beyond me.

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    Sarah Laurenson recently posted Have I Learned Anything In 2010.

  68. my hubby heard me talking about this and suggested I leave this song for u to listen to

    the island of recalled toys

    http://www.thefump.com/fump-php?id=1373

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  69. The Island of Misfit Toys figures prominently in my worst nightmare.
    .http://linda075blog.blogspot.com/2010/11/hell.html

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  70. Dear Jenny,

    I thought of you today when I told my doctor that the pain in my vagina felt like knives were stabbing it. She said huh. And then, after my ultrasound, she said I had a cyst rupture. And I was all, in my vagina? And then I thought, if I were The Bloggess I’d write about this on my blog, but I’m not, and people aren’t used to Chubby Mommy talking about knife-stabbing vagina stuff. So I just talked about how I said the “F” word and then fainted. I wish I was as brave as you are. You are my role model.

    Love,

    @juliejulie

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    juliejulie recently posted I Burst- Ruptured Cysts are my new Ouch!.

  71. This is as equally disturbing…a stuffed Vagiina Dentata…just what I always wanted for Christmas.

    http://tinyurl.com/2bt3x28

    Like

  72. You know, the fact that Sue the dolly had psychological problems isn’t really shocking, what with the North Pole being the new Hollywood. Personally, I think she was codependent. I mean, look at her friends. Totally co. Can’t you just see her in little meetings with other dollies? “No matter what I did, I couldn’t make Airplane happy. But I’m a real toy’s toy…… Wait, that came out wrong.”

    Here’s a link about this. Um, not the toy part. The other part. http://www.misfittoys.net/dollyforsue/index.html

    Like

  73. Now because of Jessica (comment 53) I keep hearing Cowboy say to Jack-In-The-Box “I wish I could quit you”.

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  74. Blast. I meant Charlie-In-The-Box

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  75. I’ve never seen this movie, due to being British. As far as I’m aware it’s never been shown over here. It’s like Charlie Brown Christmas, it seems to be some kind of cult thing over there but I’ve never seen it and sometimes I wonder what I’m missing out on, but then I remember you probably don’t have toad in the hole and I feel ok again.

    Like

  76. What I’ve always wondered was, why the toys were being “parachuted” out of the sleigh, instead of Santa hand delivering them like he does the regular toys? Were they not good enough? Then reading your theories of diseased toys, maybe it was a cruel joke by Santa, maybe he was just dropping them off in the middle of the ocean to die in the cold waters of the Arctic? If it’s a quarantine issue, maybe them being discovered by Rudolph et al, jeopardized the quarantine and they had to be destroyed?

    Like

  77. Ah yes. And your twitter follower numbers are declining as we speek. The poor things had no idea what they were signing up for. The world isn’t all charitable sentiments and heartfelt emotion. Some days it’s just VAGINA DENTATA.

    Like

  78. I am oddly proud that I knew what vagina dentata was before this post. But now all I can picture is this doll lifting up her dress and her toothed vagina trying to eat people and sing opera. And that disturbs me. On another note, us gingers have been facing persecution for years. We don’t all have toothy twats though.

    Like

  79. Vagina dentata! Mutant venus fly trap-like vaginas. Scary.

    Like

  80. i just learned so much.

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    Simone recently posted There are flaws in this Christmas poem.

  81. I think you’re onto something. I remember reading once that the original broadcast NEVER HAD SANTA RETURN to the island of Misfit Toys. Public outcry forced them to shoehorn in a scene with the rescue the following year. And they NEVER REVEALED the true story behind their original exclusion. I’ve long thought this was a conspiracy theory that should rank up there with JFK’s assassination and Paul McCartney’s car accident/death.

    I’m sure now that They were covering up the fact that all the toys had either vagina dentata or penile piñata, respectively. Or both, irrespectively.

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    Jen recently posted The Angry Vegetables.

  82. Vagina dentata… isn’t that the name of that song from the Lion King? Umm…

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    XanxiuZ recently posted Space Invaders and White Dudes with Goatees.

  83. You guys are just plain mean. I feel for her; I have a hard enough time flossing the teeth in my mouth. I bet her dad abandoned her after he heard the cost for two sets of braces.

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    highlyirritable recently posted The Day After.

  84. . . . . .. . . .my brother in-law gave both of my daughters that doll for Christmas.

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    meghann recently posted From us.

  85. OH MY GOD, that doll’s malady has haunted me for years. What is she hiding? WHAT IS WRONG WITH HER? I can only assume it’s something too terrible to name, since the other toys are all disabled in some immediately obvious way. The fact that she doesn’t have purple spots or something seems to indicate a horrifying mental disorder or a serial killer. Thank you for finally pointing out this disturbing plot point.

    Like

  86. See, I SO wanted a misfit toy because I was adopted and felt misfit and also I thought I could help that misfit toy the same way I thought I could help my husband, but some things cannot be helped

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  87. Brilliant.

    I remember getting pissed when I watched this movie this year because it occurred to me: it ain’t the toys’ damn faults. Why were they put into isolation and despair because Santa hired some stupid elves who couldn’t put together toys the way they were supposed to?

    And most of those toys aren’t even misfits, they would just be considered off-brand toys these days, anyways. Example: Charlie in a box.

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    Jennifer recently posted Small Town Christmas.

  88. wow- seriously- i really just think this blog brought world peace- solved so many questions… Jenny- you are a shoe in for the Noble Prize!

    Like

  89. When I was a kid Santa brought me a dolly that grew teeth. I didn’t ask for it but my mom thought I needed to be a bit girlier. I can’t express how grateful I am for the segregation of Misfit Toys knowing what Dolly was being contained for because if I received a dolly I didn’t even want just to have her vagina bite me I would have a very different life now.

    Like

  90. P.S. The dentist elf was totally gay, right? All of the other elves were ugly and bald but the dentist elf had swooping, almost Justin Bieber like hair.

    Like

  91. I am now going to undress all of my doll to check for teeth in their vaginas. You know one of those Barbie whore dolls has them…or its possibly a raging STD she picked up from Ken after his night at the gay bar

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    Chriseee recently posted Chriseee- Merry Christmas baby @CarlNitti dinner was great.

  92. After letting my husband and 5 year old twins watch the Family Guy Christmas Story, I’m thinking I should have gone with the warped Island of Misfit Toys. At least your daughter isn’t quoting Seth MacFarlane’s “dad.”

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    Amanda recently posted Boys at Christmas- II.

  93. They said you were funny, but I had NO idea!!! Excellent post! My neighbors are not going to be happy that I’ll be up reading your blog at 11:50ish p.m. each night. LOL!

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  94. So I followed the link to Vagina Dentata, knowing what the term meant but wondering where Wikipedia would take me from there.

    And I found out, because I couldn’t resist the link Artist’s vision of Vagina Dentata by a Czech fine art photographer Jan Kras?an (from his series created in October 2010).

    Thank you very much. Now I’m immune to Viagra. And I’ll never be able to floss my teeth again.

    Like

  95. I had heard of Vagina Dentata as a condition but not with a name. Personally I think it would make a great stripper name. Only maybe pronounced “VaGEENa D’Entata” or something.

    I only saw “The Island of Misfit Toys” once and it bothered me so much that I won’t watch it again. You’re not perfect? Off to Siberia with you! (Apologies to your Siberian readers.) Of course, I was also the little girl who cried at the end of “Frankenstein” when they killed the monster without even TRYING to understand that he didn’t MEAN to be bad.

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    Jan recently posted the day after.

  96. I don’t know why no one else has made this a song (or maybe they have and I missed it) but I can’t stop singing vagina dentataaaaa what a wonderful phrassseeee. God Bless America I have some serious issues.

    Like

  97. For what it’s worth, my official Drag Queen name is Inanna Dentata, which literally translates as “She Who Turns Men Into Women With Teeth.” This would be more impressive if I’d ever actually done drag. Which I haven’t. But it’s still a cool name.

    Like

  98. @Nichole
    Ducks can fly…. so penguin? Or ostrich maybe?

    For Ducks can fly but only at their risky situation when they feel that there has no other way rather than fly. For Penguin they can not fly. For Ostrich i have no idea whether they can fly properly or not.

    Like

  99. Ooh good call.

    Like

  100. That doll was a ginger. My guess is that “Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys (and Redheaded Stepchild)” was too long of a title.

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  101. So… I especially like that the elf looked at the bird and then the umbrella to consider it and then decided against it. If you ask me that’s a little messed up. I think that elf has anger issues and possible sexual frustration, because that would fitting in a kids movie right?

    Absolutely!

    Also the dolly is possessed by an etiquette instructor, so of course no one wants her.

    Like

  102. MaryMac wrote a post about those misfit toys last year…they are wierd and scary. I think Anthrax too!! Or maybe vagina dentata….like you surmise 🙂

    Like

  103. I always assumed the doll was dangerously insane… just something about the way she acted. Of course, I’ve been afraid of dolls with teeth ever since “Barbarella,” so that might have something to do with it… aaaaand now we’re back to sleeping with the lights on.

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    hoody hoo recently posted “Civilization-” My Aunt Fanny!.

  104. You only need to stand that doll up next to a Barbie to see why it is a misfit. It is completely lacking in all the traditional cultural accoutrements to which we want our little girls to aspire: platform heels, big hair, anorexic thighs, breast implants, and a purse full of make-up, contraceptives, and the keys to Ken’s apartment. You have to wonder what the designer was thinking.

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  105. I always liked the idea of a special called “Rudolph and the Island of Unfit Mothers.”

    Starring Bristol Palin as herself.

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    moooooog35 recently posted Decorating Your Way to Holiday Failure.

  106. In Neal Stephenson’s _Snow Crash_ (among other things, the book that SecondLife was based on), Y.T., the female protagonist (not to be confused with the male protagonist, whose name is Hiro Protagonist) protects herself from unwanted male intrusion with a device she refers to as a dentata. It’s worth reading the book if only to marvel at the inventiveness.

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  107. Our Island of Misfit Toys is in the bottom of the giant toy bin in the family room and if some fatassed hairy guy took all our broken old shit and gave it to less fortunate people, I’m afraid I’d feel even more sorry for those people.
    PS. My favorite was the Charlie in a Box~ You can keep the smallpox elephant.

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    EL recently posted More Purging.

  108. We decided a long time ago she must be bi-polar, or else it’s just because she’s a ginger. That whole movie is messed up.

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  109. Another weird thing is that the island is ruled by a lion that flies around collecting toys. Why would he come back? Why doesn’t he fly the toys off the island? Why doesn’t he bring everyone alcohol and make it a party? And what if they have too many toys? Does the lion eat some for population control reasons? I think the moral of the story is the claymation Christmas moves are pretty fucked up if you think about it.

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    Jen Dieffenbacher recently posted The Wii Dick.

  110. I found this regarding the doll………….

    The show revealed that Rudolph’s producer, Arthur Rankin Jr., says Dolly’s problem was psychological, caused from being abandoned by her mistress and suffering depression from feeling unloved.[2]

    Maybe ppl kept abandoned her because of her vagina! Poor little doll lol

    Like

  111. 111
    littlepitcher

    Gingers in this area, southern Appalachia, run burglary rackets (no, this is not impromptu fiction.) Does this mean that the doll will wake up next Christmas week and fence all of the Christmas toys to buy chiva and crank?

    Like

  112. I saw a news story not that long ago about a woman in South Africa (I think she was a nurse?) who developed a device for women to insert into their vaginas. It has little metal teeth on it that hook into man’s penis. Once you’ve been “bitten” you have to have the teeth surgically removed. She did it because of the incredibly high number of rapes that occur in South Africa. I think she’s a freaking genius.

    Liked by 1 person

    Rachel recently posted A Christmas Story.

  113. Are there still leper colonies?

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Yipee ki-ay.

  114. So, here’s the thing, I don’t listen very well. So when you said don’t google vagina dentata and definitely don’t look at any images, well, of course that is exactly what I did. You’re right, there was some innocence lost there, not a lot mind you, but still gone nonetheless.

    Like

  115. I totally understood it, since I’m the ninth of ten children. You grow up as an afterthought. You’re grateful that somebody didn’t smack you or lock you outside. When I was eight, I broke the glass in the door to get back into the house. I should have just left, but my shoes were in the house.

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    Fred Miller recently posted Looking for Trouble.

  116. I think it’s pretty ironic that Santa is given credit for _rescuing_ the Misfit Toys when clearly he is the one who exiles them there in the first place. And he doesn’t even give them any supplies or shelter to live with – they’re just huddled around some a tiny fire in a big field of snow – like Survivor: Misfit Island. WTF, Santa? This is the uber-dark side of Christmas that no one likes to talk about, like how we get all excited about Santa bringing toys when we’re really teaching small children to take gifts from a stranger who sneaks into their house after their parents are asleep…where is our common sense, people? Santa, if that’s his real name, has a vicious streak a mile wide, and you’re letting your innocent babies sit on his lap? Wow…

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  117. Boppie, I couldn’t agree more. Here is a funny Nancy Grace video on Santa from This Hour Has 22 Minutes (its from Canada):

    xoxo Theresa

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    Theresa recently posted You can make jam….

  118. Even Vagina Dentata isn’t as scary as that damn Charlie in the Box. Little fucker started my fear of clowns, yo.

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    Scottsdale Girl recently posted Please register to view this blog….

  119. We just watched Rudolph and I thought the same thing about the bird and the parachute. However, a bird that swims but doesn’t fly is NOT a duck, it’s a pengiun.

    Like

  120. Perhaps little Susie was a cannibal or maybe a serial stalker of good toys banned forever to misfit island.

    Like

    Mrs. Tuna recently posted Hey Soul Sistah.

  121. You know that dolly was totally putting out for all those other disease-ridden toys. I’ll bet their progeny resembled Freddy Krueger, since that’s how he was conceived, too. In a way.

    Like

    the muskrat recently posted the christmas box.

  122. Girl! What are you on and where the heck can I get some?!

    …mm, mm, mm. (Shaking my head.)

    Oh, and thanks for tempting me to look up something that I’ll probably wish I had never even heard of because now I’ll be up half the night trying NOT to google “Vagina Dentata,” knowing full well I’ll probably be sorry if I do, but fighting that little curiosity devil that sits on my shoulder whispering in my ear “Do it! Just do it! You know you want to know. Go ahead!” I’m going to try and remember why my mother use to say in her guilt-inducing voice, “Curiosity killed the cat…” while looking at me in an accusing way. That woman is a professional Catholic!

    Like

    rtcrita recently posted Long- Quiet Days.

  123. What if I had had vagina dentata when the doctor was doing surgery on me yesterday???? My husband says that he would have to call the dentist first. And he said that technically if I had vagina dentata I wouldn’t even have kids or a husband for that matter. This is turning into an interesting new blog post for me and it will link to your vagina dentata reference. OMG! Now my husband is singing the “Misfits” song and I have NEVER seen that cartoon. No, I’m not drunk.

    Like

    Shoegirl recently posted Im SO Glad I Dont Need a Catheter.

  124. I had no idea what this was, so it just seemed like some random rant, which made it even more hysterical! Love you Jenny 🙂

    Like

    Jo recently posted Strength.

  125. I’m going back to the dolly because I once heard, years ago, that it was she was depressed. frankly that is simply wrong. i say we get a class action suit going against the company that made the film. also, that dolly has always been my james garfield and I’ve never gotten her. just sayin…

    Like

    Laurie recently posted Forecast- Snow And Pain.

  126. I’ve been wondering about that doll for years now! Since that special was made in the 50s (I think… I may be completely wrong on my time line), maybe being an out-going, confident woman is supposed to be the mistake. Everyone knows women aren’t suppose to speak until spoken to, and this bitch is running up to random people saying, “How do you do?”.
    Also, my 2 1/2 year old daughter just brought me an Arby’s BBQ sauce from the kitchen table and wanted to taste it. As she made that “OMG-this-is-TERRIBLE” face, all I could think of was how well she’d fit on that island.

    Like

  127. Penguin

    Like

  128. The entire purpose of the Island of Misfit toys is so that when you go to a wedding as someone’s plus one in the bridal party and they sit at the head table and you are stuck with other plus ones not cool enough to know other people, the groom’s scary cousin and the bride’s drunk aunt you can say – oh, I’m at the table of misfit toys again.

    The end.

    Like

    My Baby Sweetness recently posted Todays anecdote where I tell the mechanic hes full of it but then realize hes still working on my car and hope he doesnt cut my brake lines.

  129. Shit! I’ve been wondering about that whole bird-umbrella thing for years! I never made the whole can’t fly connection, but that’s just awesome! This was a kick ass post! I wish I had seen this sooner. And you’re right. talk about a shitty gift.

    “Ho ho ho, here’s a reject!”

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    writtendad recently posted Pipe Dreams and More.

  130. Well since I grew up on that island I just want to thank you for bringing up all the memories. We are just outcasts. Not leperchauns okay??!!

    Like

  131. 131
    Auntie Stalking Guy

    From http://www.ppnow.com/health-medical/vagina-dentata-facts-and-myth-revealed/

    According to a doctor’s experience, one woman had a dermoid cyst in the pelvic region and it grew teeth. When it ruptured through the wall where her uterus joins vagina teeth were seen.

    Like

  132. What I want to know is why Santa threw the fucking bird who couldn’t fly out of the sleigh without a parachute. That dude was all “Santa – I’m a bird that can’t fly, I can only swim” and Bam! he was gone.

    Like

    Sharon recently posted New Years Resolutions 2011.

  133. The doll was definitely a misfit because of the red hair. I married a Ginger and they are def a defective race with their tempers and allergies to sunlight. I’m glad our spawn have brown and blond hair like God intended.

    Like

  134. I always assumed that Santa fixed the toys so that he could give them out; I don’t think the train has square wheels anymore upon launch. Maybe I’m an optimist.

    Like

  135. Super late on the whole comment thing (being nearly a year and all) But I KNOW why she was on the island! The producer of the show was on NPR a couple years back and she is on the island because “she has post-traumatic stress disorder.” He implied it was abandonment issues but I’m pretty sure he meant to say resulting from a poor multiple personality intergration attempt.

    Like

  136. When I was a kid and I watched this with my dad, I always asked why she was a misfit. He always said he didn’t know, and I came up with the idea that she was a mis-colored Dorthy doll from The Wizard of Oz. She had the red shoes, braided hair, but a red dress instead of blue. I was 7 or so and my family still uses that as the reason, but this idea made my day.

    Like

  137. What’s wrong with dolly. Well, I think dolly has one even arm. I kind of saw it. You have to look really close. But she looks real cute.

    Like

  138. She says how do you do….what doll says how do you do…..They say MAMA

    Like

  139. Is anyone else bothered by the fact that Rudolph leaves the door open when he leaves Cornelius and Herbie behind on the island of misfit toys?

    Like

  140. This makes sense, but also no sense.

    Like

  141. 141
    Eileen G.

    The misfit Dolly cried tears of raspberry jam, I think.

    Like

  142. Damn. You have identified one of my earliest childhood traumas. No wonder I’m a writer. There is so much that has to be corrected.

    Like

  143. We all belong on the island of misfit toys. But… For humans. The island of misfit humans. VANCOUVER ISLAND! It makes so much sense now

    Like

    Sara recently posted A Letter To My Father.

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