Argh.

in phoning it in, Random Crap

Life sort of sucks this week.  Victor’s been in the hospital for a few days because of a staph infection in his broken arm and they have no idea when he’ll be released so life here is weird because when Victor’s sick I have to be the grown-up and it’s fucking exhausting. And whenever I’m home I hear his voice echoing in my head, saying “Really? Is that where your shoes belong?  In the middle of the hall?”  and “No, cat’s can’t eat corndogs.  GO TO THE GODDAM GROCERY STORE” and  “WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE A CLOSET IF YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO USE IT?  DO YOU EVEN KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A CLOSET?  You don’t, do you?  Point it out to me.  Point to where your closet is.  Exactly.  You have no idea.”

I miss him.

But until things get back to normal I am totally going to phone it in with a series of youtube videos that make me laugh hysterically even when I want to stab people in the face with a pointy bird.  And even if you’ve seen them before they’re awesome.  Promise.

From the creator of “Honey Badger don’t give a shit” comes:

The miracle of the Daffy Jesus Christ Lizard.

Water Chevrotains are adorable.

The majestic lion.

The nasty and disgusting world of vampire bats

The gross and disgusting American Bullfrog

The great white sea monster

The fantastic zebras

The slowass sloth

Gang Flamingo Vs. Team Baboon

170 thoughts on “Argh.”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. *crosses another one off the ’emergency cat-food list’*

    Hope Victor gets better soon. If you want, I can come yell at you about your shoes and your closet.. because I’m good at saying similar things to my kids. Oh, and ‘why would you throw the cat at your sister?’ That one’s my FAVORITE.

  4. dammit jenny, that’s 2 days in a row that i can’t click on shit because STUPID government computer blocks facebook and youtube.

    it’s like they WANT me to be productive. know-it-all fuckers.

    anyways, i love you…and i hope that victor comes home to nag at you very soon.

    kind of reminds me of the boyfriend with that whole “do you even KNOW where your closet is?” line. he once made the comment that “you’re not really that good at housework”, but then he compared me to his dead wife so at least i can take comfort that i qualify for his “qualities a future wife needs to possess” list.

    but i don’t even HAVE a fucking closet in our bedroom, so he can shove that right up his ass.

    <3 andrea

  6. As far as I’m concerned, shoes should just KNOW where they belong and make their way there when we’re not looking. It’s only fair, we obviously have enough going on.

  8. Jenny-
    I am So sorry. There is NOTHING worse than having to be the grownup.
    Please tell Victor to hurry up and get better so you can go back to tormeting him with long-dead animals like it should be.
    He’s been very irresponsible lately.
    Also, hoping Hailey is better soon.
    Love,
    Kit

  9. Oh that both sucks AND blows! It’s awful when you have to be the adult. Oh, and poor Victor too!

    Someone up here at work *shudder* recently had a staph infection in his sinuses. His wife sent a picture and he looked like he’d been dunked in Easter egg dye! Bright pink!

    Promise us photos if his arm turns pink. Promise us…

  11. Next time tell Victor it’s not polite to point, since he’s such a know it all smarty pants he should already know that. Unless your pointing with your middle finger now that is a perfectly acceptable directional tool.

  12. That sucks. Leaving you to be the grown-up, that’s positively dastardly. It can’t be allowed to continue.

    Victor’s arm better get better soon before it becomes a permanent fixture. Being a grown-up, that is, one would presume his arm IS a permanent fixture or it wouldn’t have hurt when it broke.

    (In all this are genuine good wishes for Victor’s recovery.)

  15. Oops – it seems that corn-dog dispenser I created before leaving on this week-long business trip was a bad idea. Ms. Muffins will not be pleased when I get home.

  16. Hi Jenny, I really hope you feel better. Seriously, I know how you feel. It’s so exhausting when I have to be a grown up AND have the severe anxiety going on because it’s all stressful.
    Hugs

  18. P.S. Totally forgot to mention: Hope Victor feels better too. Can’t even imagine. I’d send him boxed wine too if I could, but again, I don’t think Texas allows shipments of alcohol INTO their country… I mean state. I’m from Texas so I can say that. 🙂

  19. My son is obsessed with the honey badger. He’s 7 and I’m a shitty mother. Honeybadger don’t give a shit if I’m a shitty mother.

  20. Sounds like a “Lord of the Flies”-type situation might develop if he doesn’t get well soon.

  22. You can still feed corndogs to dogs, right? Because I need to know I can do this on an emergency basis, along with frozen pizza and those canned green beans in the pantry that the humans in our house are never going to eat.
    As for the closet conversation, take out the word closet, and replace with hamper. Yeah, that’s the conversation I have with my husband. Frequently.

  23. Gees, what is it with men and the whole closet thing? I find it so much easier to pick what I am going to wear everyday when I have EVERYTHING laid out on the kitchen table. Hey, it’s clean what more do you want? Put it away? We don’t eat at the kitchen table anyway, consider it PUT away!

  24. Get well soon to Victor!!! Do dogs eat corndogs…or is that a form of cannibalism? So many questions!

  26. I’m not an adult but I play one in front of my mother.
    My cat can have corn dogs, but not rice dogs because he’s allergic to rice. Maybe your cat is allergic to corn?!?

  27. Truefact: before Icanhazcheeseburger, there was icanhazkorndog. Of course “korndog” was NSFW, which is why we probably don’t hear a lot about it or see the books on the shelves at borders.

    Yea I know borders no longer really exists, but I hate B&N and its easier to type borders than to look for a damn ampersand. my typing is bad enough already without double digit duty.

  28. Oh shoot, and I’ve been hounding you with emails. So sorry about the staph infection, hope he (and you) feel back to normal soon, recognizing that “normal” is loosely-defined in your household.

  29. I promise I’m telling you this to cheer you up, but be patient. Before we met, my husband got a staph infection in his finger from a surgery. After a bunch of complications, he is perfectly fine, but no longer has a joint in that finger. Which is AWESOME! He can move it all sorts of crazy ways and it totally freaks other people out. I really hope Victor gets better soon and then can do some fun party trick too.

    Also, closets are overrated. You have a floor for a reason.

  30. My cat used to eat the olives out of my martinis. He always left me the actual martini though. I loved that little bastard.

  32. As the boyfriend of a woman who, much like yourself has difficulty with shoe placement, closet use, and cats + corndogs, does Victor perhaps have a blog that I could read for useful tips in dealing with these things? I love my Liz to death but sometimes get frustrated at her apparently inability to utilize closets, drawers, and laundry baskets.

    Thanks, and keep that chin up! He’ll be home soon enough. In the mean time I’m sure you’d make him very very happy by continuing to listen to his voice in your head, and put those shoes away 😉

  33. I watch the honey badger video at least three times a week. I call it alternative therapy.

    Sorry to hear about Victor, Jenny. I’m sure he misses you more.

  34. Want. Corn. Dog.

    I’d even wrestle a feral kitten for it. Probably. Does the kitten in question have rabies? Does it give a shit? Of course it gives a shit, right? I mean, who doesn’t give a shit about corn dogs. Terrorists, that’s who. And why isn’t corn dog one word?

    You know what? You go on and keep your rabies licked corn dog for yourself then. See if I care.

    *grumble*

  35. I started off with the honey badger video, then went on to his zebra video, then the great white video. Then I started watching other great white attack videos. after scaring the crap outta myself i started watching killer whale attack videos. I ended when I clicked on a leaked exclusive killer whale attack video turned out to be an overweight black man in a bathtub pretending that buzzlightyear was a shamu. man….you tube is fucked up.

  37. Victor’s voice in your head sounds like my voice in my husband’s head sounds like in my head.

    My head just blew up.

  38. Feel better soon, Victor! In he meantime, I, too, want to stab any number of people (preferably with no discernable warning….not even the sound of foot steps as I run at them) with a pointy bird, too.

    Will look at all these videos from my holding cell.

  39. So feel your pain. Just went through my own personal hell with having to feed the dog through a tube in her neck (yeah. ewww.) and basement flooding. Seriously wanted to sign myself up for one of those “wife swap” shows. Even they didn’t want me. Possibly because I’m not a wife (stupid criteria). All that to say that it WILL get better 🙂

  41. Awww…sorry to hear that Victor is having such a rough time of it, and, now, that Hailey has a fever! Hang in there sweetie! Sending lots of love and healing energy your way! ox <3

    However, a favor to ask. Could you maybe experiment with lightly poking someone with a pointy bird? I'd love to see a blog post on their reaction! No need to full on stab them because I wouldn't get to enjoy the resulting post if you are in jail trying to convince the public defender that you really did stab someone with a pointy bird.

  42. I think we’ll all miss Victor while he’s in the hospital. 🙁 I hope he is home soon and Haley’s fever has come down.

  44. Aw, not fun. Hospitals suck. Hope he feels better. Stupid infections insisting on attacking bodies, what right do they have to being so totally invasive? Do you want me to kick it’s ass? Coz, I’m pretty sure I can’t but I can certainly try.

  45. You, like me, rely on your other half being the mature one so you can be fun and irresponsible. I’m lucky that i have back up mature people around now. True they’re my children and they hate the role but i’d be happy to send my 21 year old over to take care of business so you can get back to the all important task of being insane. Let me know if you want this…i’ll ship her right out via UPS.

  47. Please let us know if Victor’s infection is because he’s been carrying a stuffed shrew in his elbow pocket — you know, for like a birthday surprise or something!

  48. Cats can’t eat corndogs because corndogs are made of cats (and other ‘parts’). It’s be like a human eating that junk they suck out of you during liposuction.

  49. Awfully sorry to hear about your husband. Hope he’s okay. I think cats also eat frito pies. Or I do when I’m depressed.

  50. Technically… corn dogs are the same damn thing as cat food! First ingredient in most cat food is corn. Plus meat stuff. So obviously corndogs are basically cat food. Sooo basically if you run out of corn dogs you can always feed the family cat food and it will be the same nutritional count!

  51. Cats don’t eat Corn Dogs? please mine eats pasta sauce with peppers & onions bet she’d adore a corn dog!

    Seriously, I hope Victor gets well really soon and that Hailey’s feeling better quickly too.

  52. Victor and my husband seem like they’d be great friends. What’s the point of having a hallway if not to PUT things in it? Hallways are so underutilized- all you do is walk through them, think how many more pairs of shoes you could buy, if you could just store them in the freaking hallway!

  53. It’s so obviously a sign of Nathan Fillion’s disappointment in his doctored photographs. Speaking of which, he was naked in Firefly? All of a sudden it’s terribly obvious why he has so many fans, and why I need to see that.

    Thanks for the videos, even if you’ve posted them hours before I can watch them, what with children to feed and duct tape in bed.

    Do tell, what would a Nathan Fillion say? Maybe Steve will be stripped and bound up with some twine tonight and can say whatever you want him to hear. (He sings, too, like an angel.)

  54. Something to read while you waithttp://anemonesfornereid.blogspot.com/2011/04/way-ta-go-slick-you-rock.html?spref=fb

  55. I hate to say it, but Victor’s right (damn, I hate it when know-it-all husbands are right!) Cat’s can’t eat corndogs. They eat cornmice. Honey Badgers eat corncobras. Onna stick.

  56. I feed my kids corndogs and, as I type, the baby is napping with his eyes glued shut with cupcake frosting. Not to worry, CPS, it’s buttercream.

    You’re six steps ahead of me. Hang in there.

  57. I don’t know if I’m craving the cat or the corndog more. Maybe I could morph them into a corncat. (Catdog has totally been done before.)

    And also I hope that infection leaves FAST. We’ve dealt with rabid-staph twice. In each leg, but at separate times. And were told “once it’s in your system it’s kindof always in your system and could just flare up at any time.” Thanks, Uncalming Nurse Lady. So now I stare crazy-eyed at Matt’s legs searching for signs of redness and swelling. Sometimes when he’s sleeping. He thinks that’s creepy. Whatever. I’m saving his life.

  58. OMG. I committed an unnecessary apostrophe. I must now atone. Have them play “You Shook Me All Night Long,” at my funeral.

  59. Does it make me terribly biased to ask if that’s the Sassy Gay Friend doing the narration?

    It makes me feel like the guy who asks whether the black actor is James Earl Jones or Will Smith EVERY FREAKING TIME he sees one.

  60. Well it’s not like you can clean when you are this stressed. Plus you are sick. AND taking care of a sick child. How can you possibly waste time hunting for this so called “closet?”

  61. Oh, please please please tell me you have a taxidermied pointy bird in which to stab people in the face. If not, please allow me to buy you one for Christmas.

  63. Hugs and good wishes for you, Victor and Hailey. I hope you all are feeling better soon. Since you can’t be there with Victor maybe you could send Jean-Louis in one of your birdcages to sit with him and keep him company. Just imagine him having to explain*that* every time someone came in the room. I bet it would even get him a private room! 🙂

  64. OMGGG!!! I am seriously laughing my ass off at these videos! I laughed so hard at the shark one that I snorted! Good times! Thanks for the hilarious links, Jenny. 🙂

  65. Cats can eat the insides of corndogs (although technically they’re too salty) but should probably not eat the outsides of hotdogs, as corn does amazing things to the insides of cats. Which then become amazing things outside of cats, frequently against their will and in inconvenient spots. Many, many inconvenient spots.

    May the metaphorical cats of your life cease eating corndogs…. 😉

  66. Calories are calories – who cares where they come from. Of course, I’m not a huge cat fan either, so maybe I’m just curious to see what will happen.
    We all heart you and Victor and Hailey – so of course everything will be fine! Maybe they’ll upgrade him to a bionic arm after this, instead of a plain metal plate inside it. Then he will be invincible in the zombie apocalypse, and your descendants will rule the Earth. Think about that when you start to get upset – Victor is doing this for *your* gene pool.

  67. Quick question – is your strep throat confirmed? Or did they confirm it via symptoms only?
    I just ask because a friend of mine had STAPH in her throat with the same symptoms as strep… the antibiotics didn’t work until they correctly diagnosed it, and if you have a staph throat infection maybe they’d let you see him because it’s the same germs?

  68. Nathan Fillion is a bad bad man…. On the uspide you will soon be receiving your very own brain sheild in the mail. It may look like a purple collander, but the holes are to let the air in.

  71. Being a grown-up is boring. I tried it once. Hated it, so I quit my job. Now I’m a stay-at-home person. It suits me well.

  73. My husband got a staph infection in his butt cheek. My sister (a nurse) had to drain and dress it every day for two weeks, because we were displaced during the aftermath of a hurricane. Aaaawkwaaard.

    Thoughts and prayers your way.

  74. The universe needs to leave you the fuck alone, because this shitstorm is getting out of control, mmmkay? I could just say, “I hope everything gets better. Praying for you,” but that seems a little late at this point. So it’s time to break out my great big ole box o’Catholic juju and pray to Saint James Garfield, patron saint of taxidermists and questionable housekeepers, for an intervention.

    And perhaps you would use a closet if it also contained, I dunno, a secret passage through your house? It can be done: http://hiddenpassageway.com/

  75. Hope Victor gets well soon.

    Blame Jean Claude mini-gator for the infection. Jean Claude gator has a broken arm too…but he don’t give a damn. Love that Honey Badger video.

  76. I think I love the narrator of these videos, do you think he would marry me?

    BTW, closets are bullshit, everyone knows that is what the floor is for. Just ask my kids!

  77. Yikes. Popsicles. You need lots and lots of popsicles. I promise that they heal. And cats love the sticks–it can make them forget they’ve had any food for days and days.

  78. I hope Victor feels better soon, because being the grownup sucks out loud. Also it would be nice if Victor didn’t feel like crap. But mostly the grownup thing.

    Oh, and last night this video made me laugh until I had tears leaking from my eyes. I hope it cheers you up.

    Whose Line Is It Anyway? – Sound Effects: Cops & Ducks

  79. Going at it solo is truly a bitch. Going at it solo while the Other One is in the hospital sucks worse. Tequila. Or vodka. Those are both good things for everybody, kids included. And cats.

  80. Wishing Victor well. 🙁 Sorry you have to use the closet and stuff. Being an adult is stupid.

  81. You writing about Victor, his voice in your head, and what he was saying was, somehow, the sweetest depiction of a marriage I’ve ever read.

    Make of that what you will.

  82. We have the same name and apparently same hubby… it seems. Replace the cat comment with “YOUR DOG WILL DIE WITHOUT FOOD AND WATER, WOMAN!” Otherwise my hubby says the same things to me! My shoes are all over the house and I too don’t know where my closet is, see : http://instagr.am/p/C5c7b/ Or what these crazy things called hangers are??? IDK. OH and did you know they make these big chests full of drawers where clothes go into too… who knew?

  83. Since Nathan Fillion is ignoring you, maybe the $400 can go towards outfitting the stuffed alligator with some sort of recording device, then you can have Victor record some random phrases and have the alligator play them back to you while the two of you are separated …

    Seriously, hoping all of you get well soon.

  84. *Sigh* I miss Victor yelling at you about your closet too.

    Go pick up your shoes.

    And I hope Victor gets better.

  85. Hope Victor gets better! Maybe you could take Jean Claude to visit with a balloon. Just make a cast for his little broken (off) arm!

  88. I get 4-7 emails a day from Russian women looking to make a man happy and I’m pretty sure that means they want to clean the house and cook and basically be the adult. As my mother always said, “The answer lies in your Spam folder.” That’s how I got my million dollars from my long lost relative in Nigeria.

  89. I’m sorry Jenny and I hope Victor gets better soon. Nothing funny about a staph infection. I’m praying for you guys.

  91. Jenny, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for showing me this awesome guy dubbing NatGeo. It’s some of the best video I’ve seen in a while.
    (And thanks for your own self, too. Hang in there.)

  92. Sharks can swim up to 43 miles per hour. It’s like having a pick-up truck in the fucking water!

  93. Gah.

    I’m sorry you not only have to be the grown up [which is fucking ridiculous, right?], but also that you have to be the grown up because Victor is in the hospital, which makes being the grown up THAT MUCH worse and harder.

    Personally? I think you can leave your shoes in the hall, except that if I left my shoes in the hall, I’d trip over them in the middle of the night when I’d go to the kitchen to get the big knife to keep under my pillow because the husband isn’t there to protect me from ghosts or aliens. Although I guess the knife wouldn’t really help with the ghost.

    Stupid staph infections.

  94. I haven’t ever seen any of those, maybe I’ve been living under a rock. I want the narrator to be my BFF.

  95. Oh oh, when you hear that voice in your head – it is your Onboard Victor. My Onboard Husband is often a total dick.

  97. Love you.

    And just for Victor, I’ll put on my old cheerleader uniform and cheer for his infection to heal. I’m pretty sure it’ll do for him what traditional medicine is supposed to: scare the disease to death.

  98. My cat has eaten hot dogs many times when I was to lazy to go her him food! And my dogs frozen Costco hambugers!

  99. I’m not sure why it never occurred to me that a pointy bird is the PERFECT stabbing tool! I mean it’s so obvious. Now to find one, you know, just to have on hand in case it’s necessary. I guess I could put the honey badger right on that. He’s awesome.
    I’d never even heard of a honey badger until seeing your post about him the other day. It’s amazing the level of education I am obtaining simply by reading your blog.

  100. That honey badger video is the funniest fucking thing I’ve seen…omg. Thanks for educating me about honey badgers not giving a shit. I think I will be a honey badger from now on.

  101. I’m sorry to hear that Victor isn’t well. Best wishes. And I love your posts even when they are phoned in. You’re that awesome.

  102. I showed my husband and my 13 year old son Honey Badger and now EVERYONE in my house keeps telling me that “Honey Badger Don’t Care” even my 7 year old that hasn’t seen it. It’s a disease.

  103. I legitimately just got up, got dressed, and left my apartment in search of a corn dog. I had to settle for chicken nuggets, and life has never seemed more dismal.

  105. Thanks. Thanks alot. I am pretty sure I have a family of bats living in my attic but I have been ignoring them…. because, you know… if I ignore them, they don’t exist… but now I’m all “Eww! Disgusting” and freaked the hell out.

    How am I going to sleep now? Oh. Yeah. I guess I could feed my daughter’s hamster to the bullfrog out in the redneck lake in my front yard. Super fun.

  106. Listen here that staph infect stuff is serious biz. Take good care. When your in the hospital you need someone looking out for you. Sending the positive to you and yours.

  108. Hope y’all get well really soon. Hopefully Victor didn’t get some weird ass dead gator staph from having to share a table in the plane with it. You know if that happened, you will *never* hear the end of it.

  111. My husband loves it when my shoes all inevitably crowd into a pile on my closet floor. There are 4 stands they are supposed to be on. He calls it the shoe revolt. He says snarky things like, “Look honey, they’ve almost made it to the door. A few more inches to Freedom!!!!”

  112. In response to your delemma, I have informed Big Sis that in the event of of her father getting sick, she is to assume all responsibilities of the household, including but not limited to: driving Little Sis to school, fixing the cars, earning the money and taking out the garbage.

    She reluctantly pointed out that 1. she couldn’t drive yet and 2. at 14 she can only earn a part time wage at Publix bagging groceries.

    I told her to stop complaining and grow up a bit. Then I shouted “The floor is LAVA!” And jumped on a chair. At that point she looked at me and told me not to worry because clearly she is already the adult. Then she left me on the chair and did HOMEWORK!

    Can you believe it?

    Hope Victor gets better soon!

  113. So, just WHY is it that you can’t feed corndogs to cat’s? I might be able to understand not feeding them to dog’s (after all, that would be cannibalism, and ewww.) But then, we feed cows to cow’s, and that doesn’t do any real harm… does it?

    ~EdT.

  114. I actually felt like -I- was being screamed at. Thank heavens for my husband whose shoes I often fall over, while falling over my own. I haven’t watched the video’s yet because the post was a classic Bloggess. Hope Victor is home soon.

  115. Being a grown up is so overrated-I’m with you Jenny, avoid whenever possible. Staph infections don’t give up easily, but Victor sounds pretty tough, you know, with his closet and grocery rants. Hope all is back to *normal* soon. Also, Randall is fan-freakin-fabulous!

  117. I itch just thinking about staph infections. Hope that clears up soon. And thank you for introducing all of us to those videos. Go Water Chevrotain, GO!

  118. Cats *love* Vienna sausages (especially the chicken ones) so stock up on those! That way it can be eaten by humans or cats! It’s a multipurpose food!

    Hope everybody is on the mend soon so you can go back to not being a grownup!

  119. I hope Victor gets well soon, so you can stop having conversations with yourself out loud. It confuses the cat, who can eat whatever he damn well pleases.

    Seriously, though, life has crapped on you lately. Hang in there.

  120. Pingback: Stupid, Snake. You Go, Jesus Christ Lizard! — We Know Awesome

  121. i’m so sorry jenny, my husband is in buffalo for six weeks and i am the grown up for my two teenagers. except that i am in excruciating pain, and all i want to do is make myself a home under the covers and disappear. last blog i wrote was about this facial/eye pain and even now i am posting with one eye shut. i’m here if u want to commiserate. hope victor will be better soon and you can once become the person that makes us all smile. and laugh, until then, read other peoples blogs so you can take a break. i send you much love and good wishes and as always friendship. i am here if u want to talk and commiserate. laurie f.

  122. I LOVE THE HONEY BADGER!!! HE DON’T GIVE A SHIT!! (It took everything I had to quote that guy and use improper grammar.)

  123. Thinking of you guys today…. and headless kittens…. but that’s beside the point.

    Hope all of you are on the mends!

  124. Are you sure that he didn’t pre-record a series of questions and comments (to play on an endless loop) for just this kind of situation so that you won’t feel alone? I would pay strict attention to see if any of the pre-recorded comments repeats itself.

  125. I hope things get better. Sorry things are so shitty right now. Surely the silver lining is a post about some sort of hospital shenanigans you are bound to get into.

  126. Randall is blowing up! Thanks for pointing me in his direction.

    You could remind life that you are the Honey Badger incarnate. Maybe it won’t jack with you so much.

  129. I too am closet adverse. I use hooks. I hung a bunch of hooks everywhere and now I just hang all my shit on them and no one judges me. I’m really smart if you need any other responsible ideas.

    So sorry things have been rough this week. I saw your daughter was sick too. boo!

    Thank God for You tube.

  132. Love love love! I think my kids would learn more in school if this guy teaches all their lessons. I know I would.

  133. Ok. I’ve only gotten through the honey badger video and was cackling my ass off. I really needed that — thank you — because my grandma’s in surgery today and I’m a little icky poo poo. I’m sorry to hear about Victor and I hope the infection clears up pronto.

  134. Both you and Victor totally need to have a series of wter pistols on hand to squirt the annoyingly incompetent nurses (and you know they exist) whenever they come into the room to wake Victor up while when he’s resting (because they enjoy this).
    You can also use the water pistols to squirt the doctor’s whenever they don’t answer your questions truthfully or with enough detail.
    This will make Victor’s hospital stay so much nicer and quicker, I promise.
    On the flip side of that is you need to suck up to the nice nurses because they will be the ones keeping Victor alive.

    I hope he gets better soon. BUY THOSE DAMN WATERPISTOLS NOW.

  135. Your cats need to harden up. What’s wrong with feeding them corndogs? Maybe they poisoned Victor because he didn’t let you feed them corndogs. I’m just saying. It’s just an idea. Either way I hope Victor gets well soon or it’s bound to get too stressful for you.

  138. I love your blog but somehow never posted before now. This, however, is my time, and it is to share with you a youtube video that basically made me cry with laughter, and then had me watching it every 5 minutes until I went to bed last night.

    You being you, there seems to be a fair chance you’ve seen this before, but whatever, cause you can totally spare 59 seconds to watch it again. Cause it’s amazing.

    P.S. – In case this seems creepy and you’re afraid to click the link, let me point out that the title is “Baby Monkey (Going Backwards on a Pig)”. How can you not click that?

  140. Do you see a recurring theme in videos you like? Cause I think you may be channeling the spirit of a dead National Geographic videographer or subconsciously you are Jane Goodall. I just saved you some expensive dream analysis or something I’m sure.

  142. Will showing up at the hospital in your panda suit perk him up? Hope Victor feels better soon.

  143. Silly Victor-in-Your-Head, cats can TOO eat corndogs. He’s forgettiing the difference between “can” and “should” again.

  145. I knew a guy once who ate a cat tail, the plant. Not a real cats tail. That would be gross. But he ate a cat tail because it LOOKED like a corn dog. I wonder if cats would eat a cat tail because of that. Any way he threw up all over the golf course after that.

  146. I’m sorry to hear Victor’s staff is infected and I hope you’re back in the saddle soon. Sending unicorns and ponies your way.

  148. Hope Victor is back home now and that he is all better. Just saw that there was a new show on tv called “Mounted In Alaska” about a taxidermist. I’m afraid (for me) that it is real. I’m happy for you. Check it out. Hope this makes you (and Victor) happy. Ok, not so much Victor.

  150. LOL The Majestic Lion video made me laugh. “They’re bushy and cute…” Hope your man comes home soon so you can return to normal.

  152. You know what question I like?

    You know where you can shove that corn dog Victor?

    Just saying it lovingly cause otherwise he won’t tell you where to find your closet.

  153. I certainly feel for you.

    My husband has been battling MRSA/staph infection for almost 6 months now. I’m worried my little boy has it too. Once Victor gets on the right antibiotics he’ll be okay. It’s a long haul.

  154. Hey Sweetie,
    I am so sorry you’re going thru this. Doesn’t Staph know NOT to fuck with you? Well, it hasn’t met you yet. That’s why it’s picking on Victor. It couldn’t handle your body.

    I love you and am praying for lots and lots of anti-biotics to be administered.

  155. Brighten up your week by visiting DamnYouAutocorrect.com. Best fucking website out there. Please, please feature it!!1

  156. My husband & I both want “Honey Badger Don’t Give A Shit!” t-shirts. thanks.

  158. when he gets better could you send victor here to nag me for a few days? i just did a scan of my living room and counted 9 pairs of shoes. whoops.

  159. The Honey Badger never fails to lift my spirits! Sending get well wishes to Victor- I’d send little dancing elves if I could, but they’re expensive.

  161. Just remember what our favorite paralegal used to say: “carry on motherfuckers” hang in there Victor and Jenny. this isn’t really a post, just something to show u I’m thinking of you. looking forward to hearing good news…or any news.

  163. I am sending all the get-well wishes in the world to Victor. Really, all of them. Some of them were hard to nab, but it’s not like anyone actually counts these things.

    Seriously though, I hope he is healed and home soon, and I wish you the best while he’s in the hospital. It’s hard being without the person you love. Just remember that you can totally wear the bear suit to bed. No one will see!

  166. My husband just caught me searching for Fillion/twine photos on Flickr. I showed him Will Wheaton collating paper so that he would understand the natural progression of events, and wouldn’t think I’d completely lost my mind. Yeah, that didn’t help my case. Anyway, sending positive vibes for speedy recovery.

  167. I didn’t drink this yet because I’m drunk but one day I saw a man jump out a burning building and he was naked. He didn’t die. BYE xx

  168. Even better I got these now!
    Yeah…he’s been working doubles for Domestic Violence.
    Food + nausea = Date Night!
    You too…wonder if it’s eyeshadow or foundation.
    So…last night was first class shipping!

  169. Delegating or acquiring the role of a grown-up can be a very tough thing and exhausting, especially when it happens all of a sudden. Not to say the least when having a Staph infections, pretty nasty and weird feeling.

    I hope both you and victor can get out from this nightmare pretty soon, and ya’ll go back to your normal and comfortable life!

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