I don’t know what size it should be but it should probably say “Get this fucking t-shirt off me, you asshole”.

Every so often I log into Google Analytics to see what baffling phrases people were searching for when they found my blog.  It’s usually just weird p0rn searches but sometimes I get things that are so perplexing I suspect someone is fucking with me on purpose:

30 people found my blog searching for advice on how to dress their obese cat.  Also, I’ve never written anything even remotely about this subject in my entire life.  I don’t even show up on the front page when you search for this.

My head hurts and I may never sleep again.

113 replies. read them below or add one

  1. That sounds like it is a weird p0rn search to me.

    Like

    Jon recently posted Evolutionarily Repurposed WWII Propaganda Poster.

  2. This made me laugh! Thank you for sharing!!🙂

    Like

    Caleb Woodard recently posted Family Ties.

  3. But I mean, you’re going to give us advice now right? Cause my cat’s only 13 pounds, but she dresses way too young.

    Like

    Bridget recently posted Goddamnit.

  4. hmm I’m thinking something …. stretchy

    Like

    Fiona recently posted Mother’s Day Classic Fun Run 2011 – My first 10k!.

  5. That’s pretty creeptacular, B.

    Like

    vickilikesfrogs recently posted View From The Customer Service Desk.

  6. I feel like humor blogging has a lot in common with husky felines. (Please don’t make me spell it out for you because it will be incredibly awkward for both species.)

    Like

    Kristine recently posted Long Story Short- Texas Has Internet.

  7. Well we ALL know you would be the GO TO person for something JUST LIKE THAT…..
    so NO SURPRISE…..lol

    Like

    AgentDragonFly recently posted Fantabulous Night to Eat new things &amp pair it with fantabulous WINE.

  8. That’s funny because I actually did dress my very large cat up in a costume and no one has found my blog that way.

    Though “fiery dress up games” has brought me a lot of (disappointed) readers.

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    Overflowing Brain (Katie) recently posted Flailing.

  9. 9
    Steve in Clearwater FL

    All I know about the secondary (or maybe it’s the tertiary topic in today’s Weep is that a couple years ago I asked someone if they knew where I could get a custom-made Jets jersey for the SheBar’s Fucking Poodle. And that someone directed me to that ETSY website and after i went there and I posted my Official Inquiries I received like a dozen “quotes” from about a dozen really ditzy sounding homemaker sewing and buttoning types who I confess kinda freaked me out because they sorta reminded me of the first SheBar who I was married to for 11 years and with who I made two babies who are now Happy, Healthy Adults even though their mother was herself somewhat limited to being a Happy Healthy Mormon woman who likes to sew and button stuff.

    And all the quotes were for like $5 plus shipping and I thought how can they possibly be making any money in the small dog football jersey making business and oh yeah, most of them told me they could only do a “replica” Jets small dog jersey on accounta they didnt want to receive any heat from NFL Licensing attorneys who might then shut down their little kitchen table $5 small dog jersey making enterprise.

    Fully queering the deal is that the FP hates me and pretty much let me know that if I tried to dress him in ANY clothing he would rip at least one of my fingers off. So forevermore the FP watches the Sunday NFL doubleheader COMPLETELY NAKED.

    Like

  10. It’s a serious problem, Jenny. Us cat owners NEED TO KNOW.

    Like

    Phoenix Talon recently posted Return to the Labyrinth Volume 3.

  11. Forget the shirt – what size PANTS would it wear?

    Like

  12. I love google searches, they make me smile. My personal favourite is “Don Johnson smells cat pee”. It is simply wonderful on so many levels.

    Like

    Rusty Hoe recently posted A Word From Our Sponsor XV.

  13. My cat needs a tiara with a boar’s head on it. Do you do that too? (Also, my neighbors are listening to Ravel’s Bolero really, really loud and it’s making for a very surreal experience here.)

    Like

    Em recently posted Quote.

  14. And now that you wrote about it you will get even more of these, lmao.

    Like

    Mary recently posted Style File- Cinco de Mayo.

  15. Someone found my blog once by searching for ” cracking the fat landare”.
    I have absolutely no fucking clue what that phrase means.

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    Bobbi recently posted I Need To Be Pampered.

  16. I really just don’t know how search engines work. Like, at all.

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    Brenna recently posted Heres looking at you- kid.

  17. Last week two people searched “how to recover from a coke bender” and ended up on my site. DAMN YOU, CHARLIE SHEEN!

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    Chelsie recently posted How to mend a broken heart- and five other things I learned from my mother.

  18. 18
    Jennabelle

    I’ll go ask my sister why she’s been searching that and if it provided her with a useful answer. Gracious knows her 20lb cat Princess needs a tshirt.

    Like

  19. You know, I totally think there must be a group of people out there who get their jollies figuring out the strangest searches they can use to get to your blog… then re-entering them a bunch of times. Just to fuck with you.

    Like

    Luscious Lily recently posted Quick Update.

  20. It does seem highly unlikely that was searched on 30 times, unless of course you are getting a rush of those searches for people’s mom’s cats since tomorrow is indeed Mother’s Day. You do however come up at #21 when I search for it:

    http://tinyurl.com/3j9f6lh

    So, it’s possible.🙂

    Like

    Michael VanDeMar recently posted What’s A Faster Way To Get A Virus Than Browsing Porn That’s Right- The New Facebook.

  21. I was going to experiment and see which page you showed up on. So I did. And it was the second page. And then I was wondering how many of the previous pages did they click first in their earnest search for knowledge on how to dress their cat. And I was scared that there was a page titled “maternity wear” that showed up before yours. I didn’t click it because I was worried people were dressing their pregnant cats.

    Also troubling, there are 30 people who are dressing their cats. And 30 cats that are probably plotting deaths.

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    amanda recently posted We Have Nothing to Write About Stop Being Such a Good Fetus.

  22. Whoops, my bad. I dropped the word “size” and put a space after “20”. For the real search I see you at 18.

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    Michael VanDeMar recently posted What’s A Faster Way To Get A Virus Than Browsing Porn That’s Right- The New Facebook.

  23. Thats just silly. Everyone knows 20 pound cats* don’t wear shirts. For one thing, they don’t wear off the rack. They wear hand knit sweaters, made from yarn spun out of the fur they’ve shed on the sofa. So they don’t clash with themselves.

    *FYI: 20 pound cats don’t like to be referred to as “obese.” They prefer “significant” or “solid.” Words that imply a certain majesty. Though what they prefer most of all is to be given more to eat…

    Like

  24. Maybe someone was shopping for a t-shirt for a tiny despicable man, and they misspelled “cad”.

    Like

    Laura recently posted Three Ways in Which You- the Readers of My Blog- Have Failed Me.

  25. Jenny, you must be the leading expert on obese cat p0rn. I didn’t even know there was a niche for that market, but obviously you are it. Thankfully, I don’t have a cat to have to worry about them finding their way to your website.

    Like

    Vanessa recently posted Tempted to Write a Thank You Letter.

  26. How weird is it that I just came across a photo of cat in a shirt – without looking for one?

    flickr.com/photos/crap/4106264045/in/faves-lovely_bicycle/

    Seriously – I was trying to find a photo of a bike, and this came up… which just has to make you think that there are hordes of people out there dressing their cats… I’m frightened.

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    Wooden Monkey recently posted The one where I give examples of how I haven’t set myself on fire- and summarize a metal lathe class.

  27. Duh, Jenny, because the one thing 20lb cats and polydactyl cats have in common is wondering how to dress. You’re welcommmmmme!

    Like

  28. Oh, stop. You love it. Randomly, I have written about this before. Am kind of now embarrassed but not really: http://talesfromclarkstreet.blogspot.com/2006/12/king-christmas-cat.html The kitteh will wear an
    XL dog shirt. Trust me.

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    Blondie recently posted Birthday Shopping for Yourself.

  29. painful memories now: http://talesfromclarkstreet.blogspot.com/2009/12/kingie-and-christmas-sweater.html
    Wah. Am going to sleep dear ambien.
    xxOO

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    Blondie recently posted Birthday Shopping for Yourself.

  30. How many people are searching for obese cat clothing then?

    The internet is weird.

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    Veronica recently posted My views on welfare reforms for teenage mothers.

  31. PS: If you have not read this book yet, my love, you MUS: http://talesfromclarkstreet.blogspot.com/2010/03/taxidermy-rules.html

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    Blondie recently posted Birthday Shopping for Yourself.

  32. Oh, I don’t know. I found your site by entering “insane woman laugh looking for minions” Seems perfectly reasonable to me. (I eschew Google though, preferring Altavista when possible.)

    Like

  33. This is pretty much how I feel about 87% of the time when I look at the search terms that lead to my blog.

    If it makes you feel better I have gotten multiple hits from people searching “I fuck my brother’s dog when he travels.”

    I have certainly NEVER written about anything like that. That’ll teach me to refer to the mutt (who I actually adore and miss) and “my brother’s fucking dog.” This is the only explanation I can come up with. My use of profanity leads perverts to my site.

    *Awesome*

    Like

  34. Oh Jenny – your blog is like the Jerry Springer of blogs. I love you – but mostly I love obese cats in t-shirts that say “I ate the dog”

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    Mesina recently posted Um- they are ten.

  35. i appreciate that you, like me, don’t just get porn searches, but p0rn searches. We’re like sisters.

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    Pauline recently posted Sailor Mouth Saturday- Limb.

  36. P.S. Now you definitely show up on the first page of google for this search term. I know because in a desperate search of anything that would distract me from my own life for five minutes, I checked.

    Also, (in the same desperate search) I discovered this is the post that you would have found by googling said term, prior to this post, which is now the at the very top of the first page of search results: http://thebloggess.com/2010/01/men-dont-understand-science/

    (Also, thank you very much for you kind words earlier today. It meant a lot.)

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    Brooke Farmer recently posted My plea for a Mothers Day miracle.

  37. Well, that’s creepy…I am pretty sure I am going to have to measure my cats for straight jacket size as opposed to shirt size. But still, I don’t think I’d ever search that on the internet…lol

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    Jean C. recently posted Little moments of clarified insanity.

  38. All that, and you didn’t tell us what size???
    I was going to use that a a guide to dressing my 8lb cat, but that plan is useless now.
    Why is there not a standard cat sizing? Is there no government department looking into this? Why not? You’re in government. As Czar, shouldn’t you be resolving these issues?
    Who elected you? And should you put buttons on the shirts for cats with opposable thumbs? Would the cats with out thumbs feel patronised if you used velcro fastenings?
    Now I have to go google cats with opposable thumbs wearing buttons.
    Oddly, that search led me to a page about the CIA murdering Kurt Cobain.
    I’m not sure I’m supposed to know whether cats with opposable thumbs should wear buttons.
    Maybe it’s a CIA conspiracy, and they can only communicate that they’re on the case through articles accusing them of killing Kurt Cobain.
    I KNOW! I’M ONTO YOU PEOPLE!
    Just tell me if my cat will bad with velcro fastenings. And if I’ll survive it.

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    Sally recently posted aloggla- I survived Mothers Day Lunch at work If that doesnt require a bottle of wine in celebration- nothing does Other than days ending in y.

  39. is the shirt for the cat’s self-esteem? cause i’m pretty sure nothing says ‘i am thin and gorgeous’ like an overstuffed furry cotton sausage.

    Like

  40. Ooops. I meant “Just tell me if my cat will FEEL bad with velcro fastenings” She’s always bad. She’s the Queen. Of. Disdain.
    And from the look she’s giving me, she’d rather zippers anyway. So, could you CIA Czar types look into that too please? The effects of fastenings on feline self esteem. I’m sure someone will sponsor your research.

    Like

    Sally recently posted aloggla- I survived Mothers Day Lunch at work If that doesnt require a bottle of wine in celebration- nothing does Other than days ending in y.

  41. If Vanessa is right and you are the leading authority on obese cat p0rn, that should definitely go on some business cards. Immediately.

    Like

    Megan recently posted Second floor- hardware- childrens wear- ladies lingerie.

  42. Excuse me, but 20 pounds is not obese for a cat. With all the catorexia out there, I wish you’d be more sensitive about feline body image.

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    Marinka recently posted Mother’s Day Card Warning.

  43. Dressing up dogs = misguided, but understandable. The dogs might look foolish, but they probably don’t care. But dressing up a cat? Good luck – I hope you like things like infectious cat-scratches and revenge. Because most cats I know would be silently plotting their owner’s demise if forced to wear t-shirts. And I don’t blame them – but they better wait until their owner takes that stupid t-shirt off, or they’ll be stuck wearing something that says “I’m with stupid” for the rest of their lives. It’s the details, people!

    Like

    Angela@beggingtheanswer recently posted My Athletic Prowess Reached Its Peak Through The Misuse Of Lawn Darts.

  44. –>Now you need a picture of Wil Wheaton holding a fat cat on a treadmill. Although I don’t think that will help the fat cat get any skinnier.

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    WebSavvyMom recently posted Wordless Wednesday - A Horse is a Horse- of Course of Course.

  45. Ironically, I had two visits from people searching: “what does it mean win your cats hair ball look like poo ?”

    I’m pretty sure it means you bought your 20lb cat the wrong kind of shirt.

    Thank God you’re here to set them straight.

    Like

    moooooog35 recently posted Wrapping up the Week - Mothers Day- 2011.

  46. The positive side of this is that no matter what one is doing, it’s nowhere near as weird as the people finding your blog through strange searches. Just sayin’.

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    Em recently posted Quote.

  47. i whole-heartedly believe that my own cat is one of those 30 Googling that phrase.

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    Sarcasm in Action recently posted Im Sad Like- Bottom Lip Out- Pouty Sad With a Tear or Two.

  48. I prefer to reserve the formal wear for the ceramic goose sitting on my lawn next to the plywood cutout of the old lady bending over tending her garden. Therefore, I just dress my obese cats in rainbow wigs: http://pet-coupon-deals.com/c/cats/cat-apparel-accessories/. Either they love it or the goose is serving as a warning. Either way I win.

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    LA Juice recently posted Bring your Green Hat- Hale-Bopp is ON.

  49. ps, you’re gonna have to scroll a bit to see the cat in the rainbow wig looking like it wants to eat your liver with chianti and fava beans- but its worth it. The wig is Half OFF! and they assure us the cat will love it.

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    LA Juice recently posted Bring your Green Hat- Hale-Bopp is ON.

  50. Sorry, that was me. I have 30 obese cats and I thought you’d be able to help me. Thanks for NOTHIN. 😉

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    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Tina Fey may save your life.

  51. Every time you post one of these, I of course try it out. I’m guessing I’m not the only one. The 20lb cat link is now number one. So you are either an idiot or a genius, depending on whether you want more weird links to your site or are happy to have as many clicks as possible. Last time you posted a longer list, I had to try all of them.

    Is it because I don’t believe you? Well…as Reagan used to say “trust, but verify” so I guess that makes you Gorbachev, which would make an excellent name for the next taxidermied thingy you find at a garage sale. Well, clearly you are not Gorbachev, although it’s possible that the wig fettish is all about hiding the port wine birthmark on the top of your head, so maybe I need to think about that some more.

    Maybe the real reason I type in all the silly things that link to your blog is to try to feel like I’m one of the “cool” ones who cleverly link to your blog through the bizarre secret code of utter madness, but I’m so uncool that I’m not sure if that really is cool or not. I mean I usually agree with the Doctor on what is cool and I think that makes my judgement alien.

    I don’t know how you got the link in the first place, but you recently mentioned your thumbed cat, and my son, who has a great need to see all the “cat with printer” Youtube videos one day found Facebook suggesting a lot of friends that were cats, so maybe the thumbs give your cat the ability to type and you know, word of mouth got out that you wear cats on your head and some of the other cats just had to see it.

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    kettletop recently posted Memorial.

  52. Also, I’ve never written anything even remotely about this subject in my entire life. I[t] don’t even show up on the front page…

    Actually, Jenny, it is the top result. Of course, that is for this article…

    ~EdT.

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    EdT. recently posted Watch the Mac get pwned by Fake-AV!.

  53. Just curious…in your opinion…what size would a 30 lb cat wear?

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    Shan recently posted Just Another Day In Paradise.

  54. LOL! Now, if you search Google for ‘how to dress an obese cat’, you’re on page 2. Awesome. :b

    Like

  55. I just want to say “Happy Mother’s Day”, and thank you for making my day with this post.

    Like

    Rachel recently posted It was all yellow.

  56. Hmmmm, I wonder, is a 20 pound cat cold enough to need a t shirt? I checked my own analytics and just found the usual “naked old ladys with big tits” it’s even spelled that way, all 22 times it was searched for apparently.

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    Carol recently posted I cant even spell technologically savvy.

  57. I also think it sounds like a porn seach🙂 these weird things happens sometimes🙂

    Cheers

    Hjalmar
    http://restauranter-københavn.dk/

    Like

  58. Putting a shirt on a 20 lb cat?! I was owned by a cat who would have killed me if I had ever been so foolish as to try stuffing her into a shirt. It took welding gloves, a flack jacket, and goggles just to survive putting her into a cat carrier! I marvel over the thought that anyone could live through what would be a traumatic/near death/outright death experience! However, if anyone could find a creative way to stuff a cat into a shirt (and survive to tell the tail…erm…tale!) it would be you. Of course the ‘logical’ first step would be to figure out the shirt size, therefore there should be no surprise that people are looking for advice from you!

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    (Not Quite) Clinically Dead recently posted Round Up of Random Stuff 2.

  59. um skinny cats don’t need to know their tee shirt size cause they are busy hanging poolside in their birthday suits freaking skinny pussy showing off.

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    Kimmy recently posted Happy Mothers Day!.

  60. Large?

    Just a guess.

    Like

  61. Someone found my blog last week by searching for “dog morning fuck porn”.

    I don’t even want to know what the were looking for, but I have feeling the content of my blog was one hell of a disappointment.

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    Jo and the Novelist recently posted From Zero to Hulk in Nano-seconds….

  62. I don’t get any cool searches like that, just stuff about MILF’s & green eggs and ham. And please, tell me how either of those two phrases have anything to do with me or my blog?

    You get the best stuff, Jenny!

    Like

    Shan @ Last Shreds Of Sanity recently posted Just Another Wordless Wednesday…Damn Cat Held My See’s Candy Hostage.

  63. In skimming/reading through half of the comments, I thought someone would have given a clue to what the answer was, but nope. Now I NEED to know the answer. I’m disappointed. I thought this was an educational site.

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    Marianne recently posted Osama bin Laden Is Dead.

  64. I would imagine it matters more how they are carrying their weight. Twenty-pound cat girdle may be a more relative search.

    Like

  65. Lol your now in the number one spot for that search🙂

    Like

  66. I have a 20 pound cat. I can assure you, it would never for one minute put up with wearing a t-shirt. Also, just to clarify, I wasn’t one of those people that made that search!

    Like

    Faycin A Croud recently posted May 8 Blues.

  67. Well, what’s the answer to the question? Small, Medium, Large, XLarge…WHAT?

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    Lynn MacDonald (All Fooked Up) recently posted In which i say no more.

  68. I like how p0rn has a big hole when you write it.

    Like

    Fred Miller recently posted Onions and Fabric Softener.

  69. Wow…
    Google Analytics has never been a favorite of mine but that result would have definitely made me switch! Now, do cats ever really get that big? I’ve never been a cat person, so I don’t have any idea.

    Cute post!

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    A Not So Wicked Stepmom recently posted Parental Alienation Happens To Mothers Too!.

  70. This might be one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read.
    Btw, you are now #2 with that search string. I checked… #1 is about a real cat with a real Tshirt that looks like a bullet proof vest. 😀

    Like

    Amanda recently posted 1 Guaranteed way to make your child feel unloved.

  71. Welcome to my world, sweetie.

    Last week, people found my blog while searching for “naked sex muppets”.

    I haven’t slept since Friday.

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    Kella recently posted The Man from Aisle 6….

  72. Fantastic. You HAVE to write a post on this now, it seems only fair.

    I am thankful everyday for the weird fetishes enjoyed by some, my blog wouldn’t have half the visits it does without them.

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    Penbleth recently posted It ends with a crash and a thump.

  73. 73
    Procrastinateher

    Do cats get moobs? That’s the only legitimate reason I would buy a cat a shirt. It would probably need a crevatte to tie back the extra chins by then anyway.

    This reminds me I need to ask you about zombie cat burial. Not one zombie movie covers the issue of animal zombie-ness enough for me to know if dead-again cat meat would turn dogs into zombies.

    Like

  74. Why would a cat need a shirt? None of the cats in my neighborhood wear shirts and they are really fashionable cats. If cat shirts were in style…they would know it.

    Like

    Jacqui recently posted Yo Mama Is So….

  75. The search terms that lead people to my blog aren’t nearly so cool. The most interesting thing I got was that some people found it after searching for “pagan pussy”, and to be fair I totally blogged about starting a band named Hot Pagan Thunderpussy.

    Like

  76. For the record, 20 pound cats are not “obese.” They are just big boned.

    Like

    Jen Maselli recently posted Hey! I knew I left that blog somewhere.

  77. Maybe you should do a post about it? Maybe its what the people want?…

    Like

    Brandy recently posted You Really Can Find ANYTHING In Miniature.

  78. You know, that statement implies that the cat is actually making a demand for a shirt all, “I’m a fat shit. Now get me a shirt! Size? WTF do I look like? A tailor? That’s your job.”

    Like

  79. If I was you cat, I would be offended!

    Like

    Renee recently posted I’m Fat because I am Super Duper Efficient and Now I have Proof!.

  80. I sense a niche here. Perhaps you should start designing shirts specifically for 20lb cats, no?

    Like

    Theresa recently posted Stay in Bed Momma.

  81. well, now when you do that search you are at the top of page 1. LOL

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    KimberlyJ recently posted A Castle- Shopping- and a Baby!.

  82. Dude, I run a website for a young up-and-coming musician, and periodically I check his webstats, and every. person. who comes to his site from a search has always gotten there through some variation of a search on his NAME. His actual name. It’s just weird. No bizarre searches on something I can’t even begin to figure out what the connection is. It’s people searching for “[name]” or “[name] music” or occasionally “[slightly misspelled name] CD”.

    I… feel like I should apologize. Like, I’m not working the SEO hard enough or something. The only people who come to his site are people who are actively looking for him! WTF???

    Things like this keep me awake at night, and are why I am campaigning to be, like, a Maker’s Mark poster girl or something. *SIGH*

    (http://www.johnfullbrightmusic.com/) (So there. Now maybe people will find John’s site when they’re looking for t-shirts for their half-feral housecats.)

    Like

  83. Have you heard the song “Dickhead” by Kate Nash? Because my daughter played it for me the other night and I laughed so hard. Not as hard as at the Honey Badger, but still my stomach hurt. Just saying it might be a song you would like.
    This has nothing to do with obesity-challenged cats, but then neither does any of your posts.

    Like

    Mary recently posted Citron Bistro.

  84. OBviously, it was a chubby kitten looking fur a last minute Mother’s Day gift for its overweight, diabetic kitty mommy. Let’s not mock the fat and hairy, shall we? That’s somebody’s mother, after all.

    Like

    Sidney recently posted My Exciting Weekend.

  85. Not to sound like a spammie-whammy, but my most recent post was about the crazy Google searches that lead people to my site. It astounds me to say the least. Most of the time, I am able to connect a particular search to an entry, but other times I can’t. For example, today someone found my site by googling “she likes to eat and smell hairy cheese turds.” I have never written about cheese turds (whatever they may be?) or cheese curds for that matter. And what the hell are these hairy cheese turds that she likes to smell and eat? I have no idea how they found my site by googling that phrase.

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    Rico Swaff recently posted The Top 10 Strangest Google Searches that Led People to The Chronicles of Rico in April 2011.

  86. I can relate to the porn thing. my most popular post mentions full frontal nudity in the tags and in a comment. there is some, but it is a link to a classical painting, so not very likely to titillate anyone but the most volatile of pubescent teens. still I get more clicks on this one than any other – a surprising number from Pakistan, although I expect that source to dwindle now that bin Laden has been fed to the fishes.

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    Jonah Gibson recently posted Competent It Depends.

  87. So damn funny! Dropping by to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day, Jenny. You’re the best, positively!! =)❤

    Like

    Pixi recently posted They Can Drive Us Insane.

  88. How DARE you call my cat “obese”. He’s just big boned!

    HERCULES, HERCULES, HERCULES

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    Uriah recently posted One Year Spanish.

  89. I am trying to find out what size shoes my taxidermied squirrel would wear. Does anyone happen to know?

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    Kayly Newcomer recently posted Shameless Promotion for a Good Cause-PLEASE SPONSOR ME!!!.

  90. Someone just searched for my blog using “little hairy girls…” eww…

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    Jean C. recently posted Little moments of clarified insanity.

  91. What size fascinator would a 20lb cat wear?

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    Ousted P recently posted This is my list of words that make me happy.

  92. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. So glad I took a study break to read this.

    Like

  93. Honestly, if there were a blog that would give me the answer as to how to dress and humiliate an obese pet, this would be my first stop. Perhaps Google has gone a step beyond preemptive searches and started presumptuous searching.

    Like

  94. I laughed out loud at the title and my boyfriend demanded to know what was so funny, and he’s not a blogger so I couldn’t explain. Thanks for that.

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    Sarah Elizabeth recently posted Why Applying For Jobs Is A Really Weird Experience.

  95. Well, when I put in “mothering” in twitter, the first person I got was Lady Gaga.

    Twenty pounds for a cat is pretty fucking big.

    Like

  96. One time a boyfriend’s mom “googled” me and through some creative misspelling found all of sorts of naughty things about another woman she became utterly convinced was really me. True story. Sometimes the internet is misguided. I try not to judge it. Sometimes humans are misguided. I most definitely judge them.

    Like

  97. Google search typos. That’s the only explanation I can come up with. Because the p0rn one skeeves me out.

    Like

    Becky recently posted Have Crap – Will Sell.

  98. My cat continually asks, does my tail look big in these hot pants? The tragic thing is she is a Manx cat. Worse than that, she just can’t work them hotpants sister. Represent!

    Like

  99. 20 lb. cats don’t wear t-shirts for fuck’s sake! They wear bow ties and the look very distinguished in them! Get it together, People! Sheesh!

    Like

  100. Lots of 30 pound cats wear t-shirts, but not the most successful ones. Your average 30 pound cat prefers a monacle and cane, of course, but there are some that just refuse to be pigeonholed. These wear t-shirts, but always the kind they get free at conventions.

    I wear a white lab coat, so I know about these things.

    Like

  101. at this point, I think you should really write a post about cats’ t-shirts…

    Like

    mominrome recently posted First rule- be practical.

  102. Re 30lb cats in shirts: I refer you to Christopher Moore’s amazing books, “You Suck” and “Bite Me”, wherein a 30 lb shaved cat wearing a sweater figures largely into the plot. You’re welcome.
    PS: Your work causes me to laugh to the point of incontinence.

    Like

  103. Huh. At least they are reading your post. It’s a good thing. Definitely weird but good.

    Like

    Laurie F. recently posted Are You Even Aware- Do You Care ChronicBabe Blog Carnival.

  104. Now I want a t-shirt for me that says “Get this fucking t-shirt off me, you asshole.”

    Like

  105. 105
    T.Seidel

    Now there’s 31, at least. You’re welcome.

    Like

  106. I’m with Tab on comment 104.

    Like

    Victoria Mixon recently posted 8 Ways NOT to Describe Your Main Character.

  107. (Late to the party as usual)

    I was just reading my google search terms to hubby the other night. He has changed his opinion of me. Fascinating.

    Like

    BlogMuse recently posted How do you even answer that.

  108. If you ever find the answer to the question, could you let me know. I cant not know .. now that you’ve brought it up.

    Like

    Holly B recently posted For A Fellow Blogger - Prayers &amp Postitive Thoughts Needed.

  109. […] a few days ago when I was bewildered by all those people who found my blog searching for “What size shirt would a 20lb cat wear&#82…?  Well now there are even more people finding my blog that way because I’ve created some […]

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  110. For a while, I was getting some quite pervy searches – “naked kids sleeping” was the most common. They’ve just gotten weird now… most common? “”young living” purification “Pickle bucket”” (all one search), then “dads sons noogies wedgies”, and “ex-wives on boats”. Of these things, the only one I’ve written about is pickle buckets!

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    Sayre recently posted Mean Girl.

  111. ’cause of you and Taxidermy. That’s what it is.

    Like

  112. 2T?
    although i think the puss would prefer a tank

    Like

  113. I don’t understand the search terms I get either… Lately I just get a load of variations of “old people fucking their pets” and “hot fat ass”. It all started when I posted something about an annoying old woman…. and it went seriously downhill from there.

    Like

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