Actual comment I just got:
“Your site looks very interesting to me. I found it doing a search for butt hairy woman.”
For the love of God, let that be spam.
****
And now, this week’s Shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here:
- (Illustration courtesy of the lovely @MissMortis)
What you missed on Ill-Advised:
What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):
What you missed in my shop (tentatively named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Stickers. To celebrate.
What you missed on the internets:
- Morgan Freeman has issues, y’all.
- Me at Listen To Your Mother. And, yes, I realize that I sound like a cartoon character. That’s how I get away with threatening to stab people so often.
This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- I want to do this on all of my windows. Victor says “no”.
- Awesome.
- Then a camera stole a piece of my soul.
- Sadness is a blessing. (My new theme song for when I’m in a depression.)
- “This is not a form of brainwashing.”
My rule is any comment that doesn’t specifically address the post, AND isn’t from someone I know, is spam.
I’ve had some bad ones…but I think yours takes the award.
Wow … I’d take it as a compliment (but I’m a guy).
Regarding Hailey’s comment to her dad, you’ll get lots more memory-material from your daughter’s comebacks (I got tons from my son). They’ll be gold.
I think I’ve gotten that same comment on my sexy blog (which I have clearly given up on updating- but the six posts on there are really hot- I *swear*).
I want the stickers. I want Raptors stickers NOW. I want to put it on my car so that religious freaks will throw things at me.
Have you ever considered making a career out of your cartoonish voice? People would be begging you to voice their characters! I know I WOULD!
I’m choosing to believe that these non sequitors are from celebrities trying to send feedback discreetly to me. Read between the lines for your secret message. Someone likes your hair and your butt and looks for you. ::commence swooning::
sorry about that. I meant to say hairy twot woman… my bad.
Oh my God! The brainwashing video is the best thing I have watched on the internet ever. The Ritalin was a nice touch. This makes me want to have more children just so I can think of things to brainwash them into believing. I could birth my own army.
Except I hated being pregnant. I threw up the whole nine months. I would need to use a surrogate.
It sounds like someone who doesn’t speak English to me. Or possibly a robot who is bored and surfing the internet, trying to learn more about humans.
I like to spell things out on my windows with my little ponies.
I am guessing that is a translation engine issue. Like, it meant to say butt ugly, but in some indonesian dialect, ugly also = hairy?
I was trying to create Polish smut talk the other day and ran into the same issue. Like, did you know there’s no Polish equivalent of “quickie”?
Why would you want such an awesome search phrase to be spam?
My search phrases aren’t nearly as interesting. Maybe I should diversify.
Is now a bad time to tell you that’s how I got here?
Huh. I was wondering where all the butt hairy women were. Not here, it seems.
False. Advertising.
Yeah. I’ve nearly shut my comments down because I’m getting so many spam comments, I don’t have time to moderate them. I find it fascinating that the new spam trend is to insult blogs in broken English.
I can’t decide if that comment would be better or worse if it’s not spam.
OK, does it make me weird that I love how you sound? It’s so nice to listen to.
Google tells me that my adorable spammers found me by searching “how to remove stick up husbands ass” and “natives that put sticks up their penis.” Never should have written about my husband’s kidney stones and his dick stick. Live and learn! Off to wax my hairy butt….
I want to buy everything in your shop ever.
Don’t worry, you sound like one of the cool cartoon characters that unexpectedly saves the world.
gotta love Google Search…you couldn’t make that shit up!
You have lovely butt hair. I truly believe it was no spam. Just divine intervention. Or something.
Or maybe they were really trying to figure out what the fuck a chalupa is.
Oh interwebz, how you confuse us…
I get spam comments, but none of them are similar to this one. So have you written about hairy butts and I missed that post??
OK, so I know you didn’t actually come up with that new fangled Pledge of Allegiance. But I think you could probably start a grassroots campaign and get it on the ballot for the next election season to propose changing the current pledge to this. Awesome.
And I personally think Victor should let you make up all your windows like that because it’s *cool*.
Yeah, sorry about that butt hairy comment. It was me.
But really, I don’t get as awesome spam bot comments at all. Mine spam comments are boring, just normal SEO crap and some gambling stuff. No hairy butt shout-outs.
Also, am I the only man visiting your blog? There’s always like 17 million comments from women on your blog. Nada men. I even bookmarked your blog. Is that weird? I just think your stuff rocks, Jenny. Very good writing. And it’s even funny.
pass along my name. i think i can help in the butt hair department.
Dear Jenny,
I am never checking the google results for “butt hairy woman” again.
Umm…not that I’d ever done that before.
-Tony
I love your writing Jenny, and have read your columns for a couple of years. I enjoyed this post until I got to the last link you posted. I am so tired of people bashing the country and the people who love it. There is nothing wrong with raising children to be proud Americans. Oh, yes, let’s get rid of the Pledge of Allegiance, the Constitution, and all those damn rules, because Anarchy is the ultimate freedom.
Is it better to found with the words “butt hairy woman” or “hairy butt woman”? Or does it even make a difference? It seems to me these are two different things and that the second one would be worse. But I could be wrong as I’m neither a butt hairy or a hairy butt expert.
Takes all types…
foreign spam is what’s ruining this great country.
true dat.
That’s not the worst comment ever. I once got a what seemed like legitimate comment outlining sexually explicity acts between Charlie Brown and Lucy. And when I clicked on the link (call me curious) it was porn, porn, and more porn. SHOCKER.
Also, I think you should be able to do that to your windows, but maybe instead of army men you should use pez dispensers. I think that’d be better.
Hopefully you can chalk it up to auto correct? Somehow?
Where the fuck did the saying “chalk it up” come from? It makes no sense. I’m not going to use it anymore. I mean, after this comment.
If I got a spam comment like that, I’d probably publish it.
At least you can take solace in the fact that your site doesn’t show up as the top hit for “butt hairy woman”. Not yet, anyway. Give it a couple of days, though, and it will happen.
~EdT.
Oh, and when thinking of an image for your “I Survived the Raptor” button, here’s one that came to mind:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/etee/4551404638/
~EdT.
I got an email from someone who saw Listen To Your Mother, asking me if I knew you personally and if so what were my thoughts. I replied and said you were a raging nymphomaniac who wouldn’t stop feeling everyone up until we threatened to call the cops and report the eight pounds of uncut cocaine you were carrying around in your purse. You’re welcome.
I got spam trolls for a bit. Enhancement drugs telling me that I was ugly – I was like, but wait, you’re ENHANCEMENT DRUGS.
I’ve seen your pictures (the ones you post, not the ones from that ill-advised “lingerie” company you modeled for) but I’ve never seen you in person. You at Listen to Your Mother was so adorable! Who would have thought all these filthy words are spoken in such a sweet voice?
Maybe he was looking for ‘anything butt hairy women’?
It was a comment by a real man, and it was from Pakistan. That’s how they spell “beautiful fairy women.”
is that women with hairy butts or women that are really hairy?
Okay, I would be inclined to take that as an okay compliment, but hell I am a dude and you know we are idiots. Plus I am a gay dude, which makes me a superficial if stylish idiot… no stereotypes here at all!
Anyhoo, its way better spam than I get, which usually wants me to send $, or promises me a full university degree in ten days, which I am sure is legit….
Feels good to get caught up on your latest doings, since you’ve been off writing your book and all. How soon to publication???? The cool things on the internet this week are really cool, especially “this is not that blog.” Loved it. Your reading at “Listen to your Mother” was brilliant too. Thanks for helping me end the week on a high note.
I recommend this antispam plugin
http://www.growmap.com/growmap-anti-spambot-plugin/
I am using it for couple months now and almost all comments posted by robots are gone.
Of course I am getting less traffic then you, but you should give a try. It made my life much easer.
Damn. I thought I was the only one…
Is 5:20 am too early to knock on my neighbor’s door so she can sign my fake maid contract? I’m excited.
So, I actually did a search for “butt hairy women” – wait, my eyes are bleeding. OK, so You didn’t come up – sooooo… I’d say it IS spam.
On the plus side – that is one awesome spam program. Bad side….all those women with hairy butts – oh god, someone send them some wax!
The reading was a riot! And all without the SWAT team or a confidence wig in sight!
Bravo!
it’s just a marketing ploy to get your attention. sadly it worked, got you attention and all of ours… now, if only we knew what we were supposed to be attending to…
Butt, hairy women rock? No? Yes?
I’ve decided that you are the funniest woman in America, no, scratch that, in the whole fucking universe. I sit here at my computer laughing helplessly every time. Bless you a zillion times and I hope your insane, creative brain nevert stops churning these posts out.
Hailey is a bright young woman and she knows how to hold her own when it comes to conversations with her father. In fact, she’s so good at it that she often comes up with clever comebacks that make him laugh. If you’re looking for some good memory-material to use with your own children, be sure to take note of Hailey’s techniques.
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