I saw this sign in a pizza shop last week and I thought, How nice would it be to have a sign like that on your blog?
Then I remembered that you can’t hang signs on a blog.
Then I remembered that I had a camera.
There’s a lot of empty space here because
I’m bad with layouts it’s restful to your eyes, but I assure you, there’s important stuff below.
And now, this week’s Shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here:
What you missed on Ill-Advised:
What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
- Not today.
- In all fairness to the lion, babies are delicious.
- Safer than a trampoline. Possibly.
- And that’s what Victor looks like.
What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):
- A friend of mine emailed me a link to an article discussing vagina cosmetic surgery. And by “friend” I mean “someone who wants me to forever be self-conscious of my lady garden.”
- Not all sex tapes are created equal.
- The severed head of the Patron Saint of VD is for sale. So now you know what to get me for my birthday.
What you missed in my shop, tentatively “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
What you missed on the internets:
- In my defense, the full blog title says “Ken Hoffman is a Jerk (according to his friends).” Also, I wrote that when I was young and immature. Like, two years ago.
- I published some pictures. It’s been a slow week.
This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by the amazing volunteers at Virtual Fluffies, a nonprofit organization dedicated to getting big, fluffy dogs into foster care or adopted. They are fucking *adorable*. The big, fluffy dogs, I mean. Probably the volunteers are too. Also, some of the dogs have super-powers. Like this one, who I’m pretty sure is trying to hypnotize me. So basically he’s a giant guard dog who can PUT BURGLARS INTO TRANCES. These dogs are magic.* You need to go rescue one.
*Dogs might not actually be magic.