EXACTLY.

in Random Crap

I’m not sure who is responsible for this, but I love them more than margarita ice-cream, which I’m not sure exists but totally should.

Wikipedia screenshot from yesterday:

(This is where I had an image, but my blog hates me, so instead you have to click on this link to see the image.  I apologize.  My blog is being a total dick today.)

Of course, the Wikipedia police deleted it the same day, but it was nice while it lasted.  Also, I think it’s sort of awesome that my own wikipedia page lists my spouse as “Victor (allegedly)”.  I’d like to think that Victor added the “allegedy” part himself but he says he totally didn’t.

Allegedly.

239 thoughts on “EXACTLY.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. That, by far, is the greatest thing I have seen this week. I kind of want to get married again so fifteen years from now, I can give the lucky guy a big metal chicken of his very own.

  2. I think Victor (allegedly) added big metal chicken! You know he loved it. He’s just to embarrassed that he didn’t think to get YOU a big metal chicken.

    Good luck topping that one, Victor. (Is allegedly like his middle name? if not, he should change it. A parenthetical middle name is too cool.)

  4. I love it! Think of all the people who saw it before Wikipedia took it down and are now frantically looking for big metal chickens for their spouses!

  9. I can’t believe we missed out on the big metal chicken for our 15th! I am understandably disappointed. My alleged husband has a lot of explaining to do!

  10. The question is, how many of us need to be on board before we can get wikipedia to change it back, and designate 15 years as big metal chickens. and 16 as towels.

  11. Well dammit – I missed it. We had our 15th anniversary 5 years ago and I really wanted a big, metal chicken. Maybe 20th is a dinosaur made out of an old tractor … I could so use one of those too.

  14. You mean I have to be married two more years before *I* can get the big metal chicken??? Like seriously.. I was thinking it’ would only be 10, and then I can start all over again… I won’t be trying again now.. I can only handle one marriage… Thank God for him.. but still.. two more years…

  17. Awesome, as always. But, I’ll be married 31 years this summer – does that mean I need to get a chicken and towels? Or two chickens and one towel?

  20. oh i just love coming here for a good laugh. i’m so down with metal chicken for 15. hell every year we survive another year we need a metal chicken.

  21. (1) The point of Wikipedia is to *not* have police- so they need to go away.
    (2) Tomorrow is my 15th anniversary!! Guess what I’m getting?

  22. Oh, that is so freaking awesome. This year is our tin-aversary, because diamonds are fuckall expensive. But I so look forward to our big chickenaversary.

  24. Thank the lord! Next year is my 15 year anniversary, and I hate crystal! Bring on the big metal chicken! I’m naming mine Chuck!

  25. This update compelled me to revisit the hilarity of the original post. Which in turn compelled me to miss the recommended timing for the “Perfect 10” coloring I was using in an attempt to banish grey hair. So now I’ll probably be bald AND need new towels. Still worth it, though.

  28. Awesome balls. I gotta say when my husband came home last week and asked “Have you ever heard of… The Bloggess?” I was like FINALLY HE GETS IT. So thanks for that.

  30. Next year is my 15th. I’m already planning to buy my husband a big metal chicken – they sell them at our HEB – and name it Beyonce, Jr.

  33. AND! They have margarita popsicles. I need to make same. My 10th anniversary is this August. Suggestions? A three foot tall papiere mache Jesus lizard?

  35. Forget the alleged husband (which is all sorts of awesome) in your entry, I’m loving the “Known For: the invention of the cat waterbed.”

  36. What does Victor have to do to get certified, bona fide married to you? Because these allegations of marriage will not stand. The public demands proof.

    I would think the fact that he’s still around after the giant pig head and the big rusty rooster would be proof enough, but you know these internet skeptics.

  37. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Where’s your award for politics on your Wikipedia page? And why aren’t your animals and the big metal chicken acknowledged as family members? Total shit, that.

  38. I have nothing to say about giant metal chickens, mostly because I have several years yet before I need to go find one for my spouse.

    But I’m commenting because last night I had a dream in which Gary Busey was playing a vaginoplasty surgeon who was giving advice to another vaginoplasty surgeon about how to do it. He demonstrated his recommended technique through pantomime, which was easy for him because his mouth was a vagina (vertically oriented). The creepy part was that his recommended technique, well, let’s just say would put a female circumcisionist to shame. But hey, I guess that’s why my subconscious cast creepy Gary Busey for the role.

    I blame you for this.

  39. Next year is our fifteenth anniversary and I better get a big metal chicken!

    I wonder if it would annoy my husband if I forwarded the blog post as a weekly reminder. Maybe I could get other people to forward it for me? Is there a “big metal chicken” reminder service?

  42. Erm, Wikipedia has the Big Metal Chicken gift back up again – gotta love those Wiki vandals!

    Maybe I should get married so that I can get a big metal chicken in 15 years — I can think of worse reasons to get married. Plus, I’m post menopausal (allegedly), so I don’t have to worry about being married *and* having children.

    PS: Girl, you have your own Wikipedia entry???? Awesome! However, I don’t see anything about you being married, allegedly or otherwise, to Victor. Hope that doesn’t mean a divorce is in the cards — of course that would make the trolls from the other day very happy. Don’t let them win, Jenny!

  43. Well, at least they got one thing right. You are known across the land for the invention of the cat waterbed. No disputing that in court.

  44. The wiki link makes you sounds so very awesome and impressive! Not that you aren’t really awesome and impressive…just that its cool to be popular but to have it SAID how popular you actually are…ok, I’m gonna shut up now…

  45. Dude, you should totally be pissed at Wikipedia: not only did they reject your revolutionary anniversary gift idea, but your bio also CONVENIENTLY neglects to mention 1) your being the Czar of Martindale, TX and 2) the fact that you won a Shorty Award. You should send James Garfield to those Wikipedia bitches’ office to break their kneecaps.

  47. Dang. Today is just my 14th anniversary. Ivory. I don’t even think it’s legal. Plus, I’m not sure where I’d find a giant ivory chicken.

  48. Just known for waterbeds for cats? That doesn’t seem right. You’ve invented a whole range of cat-related products: Kitten-Mittens, Cat-vertizing, etc.
    That’s interesting, I don’t think of you as a crazy cat lady. Just crazy. Yet your entrepreneurial genius only appears to only manifest itself in products made from or for cats.

  51. I am so disappointed! I could not see either the big metal chicken or the cat waterbed on my Wikipedia entry. Jenny, you should be totally famous for those things, each in their own right.

    I am now all about metal chickens and just inherited two small ones from my mother, which I am posing in obscene positions to photograph for my friends’ entertainment. I am so down with the gift cards and hope to be buying them in bulk if I can get a group together.

    You. Are. Awesome! (And so is (allegedly) Victor!)

  52. Completely awesome that you came across this! I came across your original post about this via a Facebook share by my sister-in-law. Now every time I call my brother I greet him with “Knock, knock, Motherfucker”. Stop in and visit my blog sometime. It’s new and needs the criticism.

  53. You showed him! I hope Victor learns to embrace and love that big metal chicken! PS. I buy really nice bath towels at Costco and the beauty of buying things like that at Costco is that they just show up on your “grocery” bill … can’t get in trouble for buying food, right? Great place to sneak in a few extra treats for yourself!

  54. I’d even go for a margarita float. OMG… I think I’m onto something….

    Also, I can’t wait until my 15th anniversary.. My husband is gonna be STOKED about his big metal cock.. i mean chicken.

  55. The thought that you can get/give big metal chickens for one’s 15th is almost enough to make me want to get married just so I too can have a big metal chicken! I wonder which stores here in Canada sell those….

  56. Next week is anniversary number 14 for me. I gotta go looking for my big metal rooster.

  58. The Chicken must be appeased. damn it all to H-E-D-ouble-Hockey-Sticks, put it back up Wiki-poo-deia where are those Citibank, government and Sony hackers when you really need something hacked?

  59. Margarita ice cream? Mmmm now you’re talking. I love the word ‘allegedly’. You can get away with all kinds of shit if you precede it with ‘allegedly’

  60. Nothing ever works out for me, I’ve gone WAY past year 15 and not even a rubber chicken never mind a big metal one. My life sucks. Victor doesn’t know how lucky he is to be your (alleged) husband and therefore the proud possessor of such a top wedding anniversay gift.

  61. Laughed til I cried reading the orginal post, which my husband actually thought was histerical too. In our house all chickens are now called Beyonce! Only five more years til my Big Metal Chicken Anniversary….I so can not wait.

  62. First off, there IS maragarita ice cream?!?!? I LOVE your readers, Jenny… So full of useful info. 🙂

    I am excited, next year is my 15th anniversary, I can’t wait for my metal chicken…. And Victor totally put allegedly on Wikipedia. We expect nothing less….

  63. I can’t wait to see what you give for your 21st Anniversary. Because, based on that same chart, the recommended gift is a Brass Nickel. And, in my book, that’s only slightly better than a wooden nickel. I feel bad for all those wives who will undoubtedly receive brass nickels for the next 6 years before you can to help address this horrible injustice!

  64. It’s Baaaaaaaaaaaack. And I think it is back to stay, because they have a little note that says that the information has not been varified.

  68. That, in itself, is almost as awesome as receiving a sharp giant metal chicken in the first place.
    I hope you’re getting that screen shot on canvas, framing it, and hanging it in your bathroom.

  73. Haagen Daz used to have Margarita Sorbet and I figured out that if you ate (I believe) two pints of it it was equal to a beer. I kid you not. It’s totally discontinued now, but it actually had alcohol in it and anyone could buy it. I bought it when I was underage in college. I can’t find any pictures to show you because it was back in 1999 when they probably didn’t allow pictures on the internet yet.

  74. So glad to have found you. 48 hours and already you have given my Belgian husband and my New Zealand self much laughter … you are clearly ‘international’, just in case you weren’t sure. I’m still giggling over the chicken story … so is he. It’s something I would do but you did it so much better and well … okay, you did it first. Brilliant.

  76. Big Metal Chickens = “page does not exist”

    Who’s going to fix this?

    It will need to be illustrated. I nominate “Beyonce at the Door” as the main illustration for en.wikipedia.org/wiki/big_metal_chickens

  77. Alcoholic icecream does exist! There’s a parlor here in Scottsdale that makes it with every kind of alcohol! I’m trying to get them to cater an event for me, but they say that I HAVE to tell everyone that it’s alcoholic… I think it’d be much more fun if we just didn’t.

    http://leescreamliqueur.com/

  79. In five years, I am buying my husband a big metal chicken. And then I will sit down with a pint of margarita ice cream and watch him figure out what the fuck to do with it.

  80. I don’t know about margarita ice cream, but I have some margarita Jell-O.
    Because there’s always room for margaritas.

  81. You win the internets. Big Metal Chickens, who would’ve thunk it?

    What does your alleged husband make of all this?

  82. I honestly don’t know how people found happiness before the internet. Nowhere in real life could you group together this many people in support of your giant mettle chicken which is *allegedly not* a traditional anniversary gift.

  83. What Luck! I purchased a shiny red ice cream maker at Costco last weekend, I like margaritas, and I have tequila. Screw spending the holiday weekend with my family who is not nearly thankful enough for having me in their lives I’m inventing liquored up ice cream!
    If I do good do I get a Big Metal Chickens?

  85. At the rate I’m going, I’m never going to earn a metal chicken. Luckily, I’ve already informed The Boy that I will purchase a five foot metal chicken if I EVER see one for $100. That was a ridiculously good bargain. And we have a perfect little piece of patio that you really couldn’t use for anything else.

    So what I’m saying is…why put in the work of being married for 15 years if you can just pay $100 and avoid the hassle?

  86. I’m way past anniversary #15, so I missed out on the first opportunity. Does that mean that on my 30th anniversary I can get TWO metal chickens? That would be awesome! I’ll start looking for them now – just three years to go!

  87. This year we’ve been married for 14 years, howeeeeeeeever we’ve actually been together for 15. So, I think I can “sneak” in the metal chicken this year! *evil grin*

  88. Surely margarita ice cream is just normal ice cream soaked in margarita? That’s how I drink it anyway. And if your happy with that way of making it then you open yourself to pretty much any kind of alcoholic ice cream you want.

    All this talk of big metal chickens as anniversary presents makes me want to get married so that I can qualify for one. I might even buy one for the wedding and have it positioned between myself and the groom during the service. Only we’ll all pretend it’s not there and leave everyone thinking they’re crazy because they can see a giant metal chicken in the middle of the alter and no one seems to have noticed it… dude. I am SO going to do that.

  90. In listing big metal chicken as the 15th wedding anniversary gift, it is clear that YOU are smarter than Wikipedia. They should really start paying you for these things.

  91. Brilliant! I don’t know who did it, but they deserve a margarita ice cream sundae. And, margarita ice cream totally exists. I’ve seen the recipe. And I’ve actually tasted margarita sorbet. It’s pretty incredible.

  92. Yes! I haven’t been married long enough for the Big Metal Chicken! Thought I’d missed it…

  94. My husband and I both read your blog, and now he is desperately plotting a whole new anniversary chart including (but not exclusive to) taxidermy alligators, paper mache naughty parts, fake jewelry, Dirt, and of course BIG METAL CHICKEN (which must of course be in all caps.)

    Any suggestions? We are stuck on the 12th anniversary. We were thinking a dozen GIANT METAL EGGS to hatch the BIG METAL CHICKEN.

    😉

  96. I am in a little art group on Face Book and we have all been laughing our collective arses off at the “chicken blog”. Well worth going viral and we are all cheering for you to have some really good things come out of this for you. Ignore the haters…or laugh at em…either way you would easily fit into our group of fabulous women and men who get your humor and outlook on life. Bravo sistah. 🙂

  97. Wikipedia once sent me a message that said, essentially “stop vandalizing our website or we will BLOCK YOU.” Not nearly as awesome as the time a whole bunch of us got Banned For Life from the local bar because they had male strippers who were just awful, so we were throwing pennies at them and shouting for them to put their clothes back on. The bouncer said we were hurting their feelings and had to cut it out, or they would “remove us from the premises” which we took as a personal challenge. By the time they escorted us out, we’d run out of change, anyway, so it was totally the best part of the evening.

  98. Well I was going to say something all fun and witty about you and Victor and the big metal chicken, but now I’ve been totally sidetracked by April, who posted the Margarita ice cream from Nigella in your earlier comments. So I’m off to the grocery store instead.

    C-

    PS – she should totally get some kind of honorable mention in your weekly wrapup stuff this week. . .

  101. Baskin Robbins used to have a daiquiri ice cream… it was FANTABULOUS! I don’t know if they make it anymore. Damn, now I am going to have to go check!

  102. “Knock Knock, motherfucker”….I LITERALLY ROFLMAOed yesterday. I saw big rusty welded roosters, and wondered about them, but now..I know.

  103. Sadly my father didn’t react as supportively when my mother brought home metal flower windmills.

    I’m choosing to interpret that as his guilt over having *not* bought my mother flowers recently.

  104. So I’ve been a lurker from way before the great Tin Chicken Emigration of 2011, but I just had to comment on “allegedly”. Is the existence of Victor a hotly contested issue or something? Where does Wikipedia assume you got the “1 daughter” from – the rack next to Beyonce?

  105. I’m sorry – I got distracted by margarita ice-cream…..WHY isn’t there margarita ice-cream? And if there is, WHY isn’t there any in my freezer??

  106. I am going to suggest to my future husband (NEXT MONTH Y’ALL) that we forego the rest of the years and on our anniversary we just skip straight to 15th. I don’t want any of the rest of that shit anyway.

    BRING ON THE BIG FUCKING METAL CHICKENS!

  107. I grew up eating Margarita Ice Cream at Baskin Robbins. In the middle of Illinois. I didn’t even know what a Margarita was.

    Which explains a lot actually.

  108. My first husband lasted 5 years…my second husband lasted 5 years. When I get a third husband, I’m going to give him a big metal chicken at the five year mark just before I divorce him too. I can only stand a man for 5 years. That’s my limit.

    Did you make a “Knock, Knock, Motherfucker!” t-shirt yet? I gotta have one!

    Alana

  109. Maybe I’m the only one who thinks this, but I suggest that Jenny and a number of her bloggy friends form a rock group called Big Metal Chicken. And then Beyonce Big Metal Chicken becomes a mascot… totally worth it.

  110. Baskin Robbins occasionally has margarita ice, but they almost always have Daiquiri Ice, which is one of my favorite flavors EVER. Lime and rum. DELICIOUS. And startlingly low calorie… a single scoop is 80 calories. In college we used to get that flavor, and put a scoop of it in a glass with a bunch of sweetened frozen strawberries, and then make a “float” out of it with stupidly cheap champagne. SO good (and far more calories). But theoretically if you got lime, tangerine and lemon sorbets, and blended them with a little bit of tequila, you’d have your margarita ice.

  111. What do you think it means when it says you’ve been “active” 2006 – present?
    I like to imagine that you were in hypersleep prior to this.

  112. Next year is the 15th anniversary of my divorce, and I am totally gonna get myself a big metal chicken. Too bad I dont get alimony so HE could have paid for it!

  113. Are you concerned that you’ve only been active for 5 years? As though you didn’t exist before 2006? Or like nothing you did before 2006 mattered despite the fact that it was the majority of your life? That’d be disappointing to find out…

  115. I totally need to check your blog earlier in the day. I was going to post a link to margarita ice cream and be all like “you’re welcome” and then I saw that like four other people already linked to recipe for you. So just know that I was totally on that shit, unfortunately there seems to be a conspiracy that keeps me away from your blog.

  117. I came home one day to find this (http://www.flickr.com/photos/cactus_sally/) in my bathroom. After I stopped screaming, I spent two days moving the big metal chicken around the house. Apparently my husband didn’t know this is a 15th anniversary gift, because I got it on our 19 1/2 anniversary. His name is Marco Pollo (the chicken, not the husband.) Currently, he lives on the front porch (tethered by a metal cable bolted into the masonry because he likes to go out drinking with the neighborhood kids).
    Here’s lyrics – to the tune of “One Tin Soldier” – that I wrote shortly after Marco came to live with us.

    Listen children to a story,
    ’bout a chicken on the porch,
    made from parts of metal barrels,
    put together with a torch.
    In the house there lived a woman,
    loved the chicken with all her heart,
    of her few household possessions,
    was her favorite piece of art.
    Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
    Be a snob and condescend,
    but if you steal a metal chicken,
    I’ll have to stab you in the head,
    There won’t be any sirens blaring,
    when they come to pick you up,
    And Marco Pollo’s new wife
    will be made from your new truck.

    that song always gets me teary eyed.

  119. Watches??? Who the hell wants watches for their 15th wedding anniversary?? All the cool couples are getting Big Metal Chickens. *grumbles*

    My sister tried to make a Facebook page for Beyonce the Chicken, but apparently FB won’t allow it. Seriously, we are being denied at all levels. I think there needs to be a lawsuit or something.

    Daiquiri Ice was my favourite Basking Robbins flavour. I asked for it every birthday. Obviously this was a foreshadowing of my drunken future.

  120. I think it’s hilarious that that store couldn’t sell them until they went to 1/3 price. And the artist. How disappointed he might have been to see his work on discount. And now. AND NOW. Can’t keep up with demand. And I only say “he” because, really, it’s a giant cock.

  121. I love how it’s in Cap Locks, like it’s only good if you yell it. When did you get a wiki page? I looked a little while ago and the only thing was about “The Bloggess Controversy” which made me laugh, because it’s like they got lazy and couldn’t figure out a more descriptive name.

  124. Fuck 15 years. I want to eat margarita ice cream with my big metal chicken now! Surely 7 years of marriage is punishment enough to deserve one.

  126. Also, I just read the recipe in detail.

    as it will not freeze too hard and melts speedily and voluptuously.

    …
    yeah.

  128. This Saturday would’ve been our 34th; I think my husband would’ve loved the big chicken idea. I mean, he did give me a glass swan for one anniversary (old joke). It would’ve been well appreciated. Just one more reason I’m sorry he’s not here. Thanks for the laugh. I needed it.

  129. IN RE: Cactus Sally’s Marco Pollo song
    One can substitute the Beverly Hillbillies theme song if one can’t remember the tune of One Tin Soldier.
    Allegedly.

  131. I told my wife that she has to last another 12 years to get the big metal chicken. She agreed. We both hope we still remember that when we hit 15 years.

  134. Best thing ever!!! I’m getting hitched in November, and you can bet that fifteen years from now…it will be so. Even if I have to make a big metal chicken. Or…hire someone else to make a big metal chicken. You know, so the chicken doesn’t cut me. 😀

  136. Although crystal (the traditional 15 year gift) is nice and sparkly (remember that ADD thing I mentioned in my email about advertising?) I think I’d prefer the 5 foot tall chicken if only because leaving it on my front porch might get the dogs in my neighborhood to stop using my now yellow lawn as their own personal lavatory (the “please don’t sh** here” sign just doesn’t seem to work… ok, maybe it is the bad parenting by their keepers). Or maybe it is to remind my own alleged spouse that my endless paint sampling could be worse.

    Either way, the question is does that mean at 5 years (coming up in a few weeks for me….) does you get chicklets?

  137. Thank you for the big metal chicken. I was able to make my wife laugh (she doesn’t laugh at MY blog), which is quite a feat, considering she’s pregnant and barfing.

    And I totally would have picked up a big metal chicken last time I was in the states and brought it home and planted it right in front of the door. Apartment management, take that!

    Anyway, so please go viral again. You are SOOO good for the rest of us!

  138. My partner and I had a big wooden chicken. Unfortunately the paint wore off and both of us were too lazy to retouch it. We ended up giving it away, but not before my man could repeatedly tell house-guests “My cock is in bad shape.” Ugh.

    Thank you for sparking conversation and bring back disturbing but awesome memories.

  140. Now I’m kind of pissed because I got divorced JUST BEFORE my 15th wedding anniversary and now I’m thinking that big metal chicken would have made an excellent parting gift.

    Ugh. Hindsight.

  141. You know I have to go find a big Metal Chicken right? I sent the link to my mother and SHE wants one too. I think the Beyonce’s of the world *In Chicken Form* will RULE THE WORLD!

  142. I was reading a hoity-toity magazine about Western North Carolina recently and your SAME big metal chicken was featured in it, but for only $85.

  144. Oh, God…only 13 years to go until we hit our Metal Chicken Anniversary. I don’t know that I’ll be able to contain my excitement for that long.

  145. The husband got me an ice cream maker a couple of weeks ago and now I am, of course, obsessed with using this new toy.

    Margarita ice cream?

    CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.

    PS Now I feel awful that I didn’t get the husband a big metal chicken for our 15th anniversary this year. Although, come to think of it, I didn’t get him anything. Except my continued presence as his wife. Lucky bastard.

  146. Well, DAMN! Since my hubs and I hit our 30th in February, I should have 2 of those big metal chickens by now. And here I sit with a really nice watch for an anniversary present BUT NO CHICKEN. You have just officially rocked my world. Thanks a lot.

  148. Hmm. Wiki says “watches” is now the anniversary gift for year 15. That doesn’t compare to a big metal chicken… esp one that says “knock knock, motherfucker.” A watch just doesn’t seem like a fantastical enough gift.

  149. Mitch will be soooo happy to get a big metal chicken on our 15th. We already have a giant cement one. That he loves.

    Oh Bloggess, I need some help. I recently wrote a post about an allegedly weird thing I do, that I was sure everyone does, but apparently everyone doesn’t and now I look like a tool on the internet. How do I remedy this situation?

  150. Hmmm. I wonder if 30years can be HIS and HERS: Big metal chicken and rooster…. this could be phrased differently …(dot dot dot)

  151. I have 12 years to wait, but I WILL get my husband a big metal chicken for our 15 year anniversary. And I will giggle the whole time, while he finally convinces himself (if he hasn’t already) that I’ve lost my mind.

  152. Ha! As luck would have it, the day I see this list, recently updated to include Big Metal Chicken, is my 15th wedding anniversary. Where the heck would I find a big metal chicken in Vancouver? Suggestions, anyone?

  154. I am 4 years away from 15 and my hubs wants to take me to somewhere exotic. I am thinking for him should be the Big Metal Chicken. I would be giving him the better gift I think!

  157. So, if I’m going to be married 30 years soon, can I get him TWO metal chickens? Say yes. Please say yes.

  158. I f*cking love this!! Allegedly. (I think we are going to were out that word by the end of the day – allegedly)

  160. I don’t know what rock I’ve been under, but I was one of the people who found you via the “Pick your battles” post. I shared it with my Facebook friends and now my mother is reading your sex column…

    On a serious note, I wanted to tell you that I’ve been, while not completely agoraphobic, struggling with my own anxiety. I have been trying to tell myself that it’s not that big of a deal and I need to get over it, which is probably because my husband, while a terrific guy, pretty much has the “if-I-can’t physically-see-the-problem-it-doesn’t-exist” mentality. So it’s all in my head and I need to just knock it off. Thanks to you, I feel there is also others out there who feel like I do and that I may want to get help. Thank you.

    Anyway, you are fucking hilarious and I saw that Wiki had Victor as allegedly your spouse (well played, Victor). You remind me of my best friend, who would totally help me buy a 5 foot tall metal chicken if she lived in the same state as me. You rock. *
    *This is probably really poorly constructed, but I don’t do mornings well as I have a 5 month old who’s still not sleeping through the night.

  162. So “wood objects” and “leather goods” are okay with the Wikipedia police, but “big metal chicken” is somehow frowned upon?

    If there is no big metal chicken in my future, then sticking it out til my fifteenth with my husband (3 more years) might not be worth it.

    I’m kidding, of course. It just won’t be AS worth it.

  167. That’s it! 4 more years until we hit our 15th. I need to buy some “knock, knock..” cards. And in 4 years, I’ll hide them everywhere. Because there is no way I will find a big metal chicken that awesome. Cards will have to do.

  168. I want a personal Wikipedia page.

    Also, I have sworn off marriage for a long time, but just for the sake of being able to give someone a big metal chicken and then provide this list as *proof* that it was totally an appropriate gift, I think I’d be willing to consider it.

    On that note, I miss my Aussie.

  170. I can’t wait til our 15th, I would love to get him his very own big metal chicken! My sister has a super fantastic backyard cock collection, (beingthe prude that she is, she calls them chickens!), no big sister, they are cocks and they are awesome! I add to it yearly on her birthday, a big metal chicken (cock) would be perfect this year, since she is going to be 50!
    My favorite quote of all-time…”knock, kinock, motherfucker!”

  171. SNAP! It’s my 15th year anniversary this year in Sept. My alleged DH (who already hates the small metal chicken I have on the kitchen counter) is going to be sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pissed. Yippee!!!!!!!!

  172. I think it’s important to give other large metal fowl their due. My husband would love a large metal pink flamingo for our anniversary. To go with the 7 foot beach ball he purchased. He has a vision of dancing flamingos wearing mariboo.

  173. Random acts of hilarity like this give me faith that world has not totally gone to hell in a handcart.

    Slow clap for the Wikipedia updater.

  174. An alleged husband would have NO say whatsoever on the buying habits of a woman, be she attracted to metal chickens or towels, both being totally necessary for true happiness.

  177. I added the “allegedly” part. I’m not entirely certain he exists. Sure, we hear stories about him. But has he ever been documented pictorally? On film? In any capacity other than your alleged conversations?

    No. No he hasn’t. Or maybe he has and I just haven’t looked through enough archives. I have a life, you know.

  179. 1. LOL at the wikipedia entry. Giant metal chicken for the win!

    2. I don’t know about Margarita ice cream, but Baskin Robbins has a Daiquiri Ice ice cream (sorbet?) that is super tasty and fairly margarita-ish in flavor

  180. I can’t thank you enough for your chicken post…it continues to make me laugh almost every day. This makes it even better. 🙂

  181. If they can make margarita jelly beans that taste like they really have tequila in them, surely such an ice cream exists. And if it doesn’t…

    I’ll be at the patent office if you need me.

  182. I am not sure if they have margarita ice cream but I hear Jameson ice cream is delish! If you are ever in Chicago I know where you can find it.

  183. Pfffsh! And to think the professors for my business classes won’t allow me to sight Wiki references for my gajillion friggin’ papers they make me write. I mean, this is further proof that it is THE internet authority. Untrusting bastards!

  184. Enjoy big metal chickens and ivory and leather (no, NOT all at once because that’s perverted!) while you can because when you get over 25, they have all those jewels (or they could be maiden aunts) and stuff but in reality things rapidly go downhill. For instance, this year will be 41 for us (“How long have y’all been married?” “Oh, 20 wonderful years!”) and I just found out that while 40 is Ruby, 41 is dust rags. Used dust rags. Got it covered.

  185. I found a small metal cow at the local market (see @_wideeyedgirl tweet on 29 June) for double the price, the look on my husband’s face when he saw it told me he had to have it – I’m thinking if I put a tea cosy on it I can pass it off for the 8th anniversary (linen or lace) – he’ll be so pleased.

    Look what you’ve started a worldwide trend in pleasing husbands!
    Nicole x
    PS Isn’t wikipedia cooler than everyone thought??!!!!

  186. Those of you who are many years from earning your Giant Metal Chicken should probably invest in one now. You never know if you’ll be able to find GMCs ten years from now. They may be as rare as fine jewels in the world of tomorrow, and you’ll be kicking yourself once you see what inflation does to the cost of this elusive objet d’art (“object of art”). You’ll find the room to store it until then.

    I am nine years from the GMC, but I don’t really think I want one. My tiny apartment doesn’t even have room for a bathtub. Can you take a bath in a Giant Metal Chicken?

  189. Okay, I’m just cracking the fuck up over here. Read the giant chicken thingy. LMAO (not literally, or maybe?….maybe that’s why the thing went viral. Lots of ladies sizing down!) Anyway. 2408 comments or something? So I thought why bother. Jeeze, I was really proud of my 12 until you came along. Course, I ain’t funny…so that might be it. Anyway. 184 comments on this one? WTF. I normally wouldn’t…but I will this once…just say howdy. *smirk* Still giggling. Poor Victor.

  192. I love that this has now been shortened to GMC – Giant Metal Chicken. As in:

    “For our anniversary, I got you a classic GMC. It’s out in the garage.”

    I’m sure he won’t be disappointed…

  193. Which came first, the giant metal chickens, or the giant metal eggs?

    I have no idea, but I have a new motivation to get married and stay married now.

  194. Your Wikipedia page doesnt mention your czar-ship of Martindale awarded by that cat. I am disappoint, Wikipedia, you’re supposed to be the absolute authority on everything everywhere.

  196. Today is my 15th Wedding Anniversary. I couldn’t find a Giant Metal Chicken. I left some eggs on the front step and rang the doorbell. Does that count?

  198. They have margarita freeze pops at my local liquor store… With genuine alcohol. Not that I go there a lot (read: every day).

  201. I wonder how many metal chickens have been sold since your post? 🙂 Brilliant, love it and have been laughing all week.

  204. That is great! Wikipedia should never have deleted that, big metal chicken could set the tone for a 15th anniversary for CENTURIES to come.

  205. Unfortunately I doubt that I will get a big metal chicken for my 15th. My hubby didn’t find it the least bit amusing. He and Victor should hang out (allegedly).

  206. I wish I had something to add. Sadly I don’t. My metal chicken is in the basement waiting to play scary games on the street with my husbands metal chicken.

  210. The first present my husband ever gave me, when we were first dating, was a single breast implant. It was not a hint or a suggestion – he thinks my jugs are excellent as-is. But it was squishy and pleasant, and it had a little nipple at the end of it, and it fit on my head like a tiny, fleshy hat. I still have it. It was “New In Box”, which is an important distinction when you give a person the gift of prosthesis.

  212. That is the best fact Wikepedia has ever had 🙂 I have a new respect for that website 🙂

    Well. I did. Till the police came and savaged it >.<
    Right on 😀

  214. Random, but: we have mojito ice cream in Belgrade. Want some? It would be a sticky, unhygenic mess when it got to you, but still….

  215. The awesomeness of the Wikipedia shot overwhelms me. I emailed Home Goods and they told me some blah blah blah stuff about blah blah blah but the bottom line was THEY COULD NOT GET ME A METAL CHICKEN. And I really wanted to fuck with them ala Jenny but I was so despondent over the hole left in my life of the GIANT METAL CHICKEN that I’ll never have that I gave up, went to bed, pulled the covers over my head, and there I stayed. Until I got hungry. So I made some chicken. It wasn’t as good as having a GIANT METAL CHICKEN, so I went back to bed. The end.

  216. even funnier the second, third, fourth, fifth time through. I am now on the hunt for a big metal chicken …. may have to make my own!

  217. I would just like to let you know that there are those of us who are counting do the days until our 15th anniversary and we also wouldn’t mind more pictures of Beyonce in the mean time. (BTW, my wedding is next year so I’ve got a long ways to go.)

    BIG METAL CHICKENS FOR EVERYONE!!!

  218. I just felt that you should know how AWESOME I think you are 🙂

    I found your blog a few months ago and have been using it as an excuse to push off work and basic living, just so I can read it all. Thank you for the pleasant distraction.

    I look forward to your posts regularly and irritate the hell out of my Husband when I share your awesome stories with him heh

    It’s nice to know that there are other functional, anxious and awkward ladies out there and I’m not alone! haha

  219. Now about that margarita ice-cream. That actually premiered in Amsterdam, a mere ten days ago. I know. I was there. What’s more, I created it. Food professionals raved about it and called it the best ice-cream ever. Find an image on http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=160841693986569&set=a.160840423986696.40472.100001822198503&type=1&comments. And that’s why I thought your opening sentence was totally delightful. Did I mention said ice-cream is HEAVENLY?

  220. wow, jenny. i think you’ve just inspired a shitload of wikipedia vandalism. inadvertently, of course. not that i would ever get involved in hijinks like that, either.

  221. You and this whole chicken thing> You So. Fuckin’. Cluck…, er…, Rock!

  222. Aw, hell. I’ve been doing it all wrong! Fur? Leather? Gold jewelry?

    This year is our 15th anniversary, and now I am gonna be on the hunt for a big fucking chicken!

  224. I must tell you that my friend Kim and I read your blog about the chicken and have laughed ever since. it’s a running joke now. Our Facebook profiles were photos of your chicken. Hope there aren’t any infringement rights!!! (No need for a cease and desist, just tell us to delete them…no harm, no FOWL! )

    Our favorite comment after your blog was “bok bok motherfucker” So of course, that’s our catch phrase along with the photo of your chicken.

    Today though in honor of the upcoming holiday, we have a new chicken displayed. The power of the chicken is not so much the physical chicken in your photo but what the chicken represents! (How sick are we that we’ve gone this far with your article?)

    Here’s the new chicken:

    http://www.flickr.com/photos/qichao/20488835/

    Thanks for the laughs and Bok on Motherfuckers!

  225. It’s difficult to explain how happy that made me. Love it.

    Also, the whole time I was watching Beyonce and all her hair on GMA this morning, I was thinking about the big metal chicken. Fantastic.

    You’re really changing the world here Jenny. Well done.

  226. Dang it, do I really have to wait 4 years for a Big Metal Chicken? And, just to make you jealous, my husband came home with 4 brand new towels the other day (neener neener).

    Although if he had come home with 4 used towels I think we would need to have a conversation.

  227. Hilarious. Though now it says you have one daughter allegedly and it seems like Victor’s decided to confirm your marriage because the allegedly next to him is gone.

  228. Ah, Cactus Sally (comment 117)! What a heartwarming song. And yes, I totally sang it just the way you intended, only in my head. (I presume you wanted it sung aloud?) Also, congrats on having a hubby cool enough to have surprised you with Marco Pollo.

  229. Baskin Robbins has margarita ice cream and Daquiri Ice also, it’ seasonal, but you have to add your own alcohol…

  230. Your big-metal-chicken post has been a source of amusement for me, my husband, and my step-daughter for many days now. While at first there were glimmers that my husband was going to side with Victor, he seems to have come around. Around 2 a.m. the other night, as my husband pulled his lost pillow up through the gap between the mattress and the headboard he yelled “Pillow down! Cleanup on aisle 3!” and then we laughed so loud as we recounted every line we could remember I think we might have woken the neighbors not to mention our children. (Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke, right?)

    And I love this excel chart — I’m printing it up and keeping it on hand for future reference. I’ve never been good at remembering which gifts went with which year, so it should be very helpful. It’s really terrific that your blog is both informative AND entertaining. I hope to be just like you when I grow up.

    I also think you could make your own margarita ice-cream: tequila, triple sec, lime juice, sugar water, run it through the little Cuisinart ice-cream machine for 20 minutes or so? I can’t for the life of me figure out one reason that wouldn’t work. In fact, I think I might mix up a batch and see how it works.

  231. After looking at that picture, I am really fucking nervous about what I am going to receive as non-15th anniversary gifts once I get married. Giant metal chickens are just about the only thing on there that makes sense.

  232. Don’t know if someone posted already, but now Wikipedia shows that you “allegedly” have a daughter. Awesome.

  233. My wife loves margarita Ice cream… She told me she cant wait for our 15th year anniversary. We still have 7 years to go so she can experience the big fat metal chicken. This is really a fantastic idea!

  234. I love you for suggesting that there should be margarita ice cream and the commenter who posted the link to the recipe. I’m totally making margarita ice cream right now. If you live near Spring, TX, you should stop by to have some!

    Oh and since you bought your big metal chicken. I’ve seen a ton of them around Houston. I think you started a big metal chicken craze.

  235. Baskin Robbins used to have Margarita sherbet in the nineties. They stopped carrying it when they realize it was awesome. Now they just have daquiry sherbet. It’s what disappointment tastes like.

  236. I love chickens anyway and I actually have a farmhouse theme in my kitchen. In Miami. I know, right!?
    I wish they would have left that big metal chicken up for the 15th anniversary because, hello? That’s awesome.

    Sidenote: I was at Marshalls the other day and they had metal chickens in their home goods section! You’re sweeping the nation! LOL

  237. I love your blog, it’s fucking amazing and always makes me laugh! I love the sarcasm. I almost think we could be friends and I don’t say that to many people. Actually I’m not sure I’ve ever said that before so please don’t tell anyone.

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