I don’t have a clever title for this but it will totally distract you

I’ve been swamped with life lately, so I’m dangerously behind on my shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here-last-week wrap-up.  Luckily I’m also way behind on doing things when I’m not here, so it all works out.

And now, this week’s Shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here:

What you missed on Ill-Advised:

What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What  you missed on the internets:

This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s round-up sponsored by the insanely talented people at Round Table Companies, who make books/blogs/life into comic books.  They did the illustration for this post.  They are scarily awesome.  You should check them out.

 

52 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I must thank you profusely for providing me with a way to look busy on the internet while looking at websites that I’m pretty sure the company internet filter should pick up on.

    I’m both disappointed in how lazy the HR person in charge of filtering porn is and happy that I get to read things about letting bears maul children.

    Like

    Lady B recently posted I’m theoretically a hipster but I hate owls and I look awful in plaid.

  2. I had wondered if you stop doing this. Luckily, I was wrong. You make the Internet a better place.

    Like

    John B recently posted planking and owling, your time is up..

  3. I thought your Lesson 20 this week was inspired. I can’t believe how many people out there should be taking xanax daily, and aren’t, because man were there some twatty remarks to that post.

    Like

    Anna recently posted Extreme Make Over: Micro Machine Edition.

  4. that vagina dress shares the shit out of me. and i’m a huge homo.

    Like

    lunch at 11:30 recently posted my chiropractor thinks i’m goth.

  5. If men read this site then they would all KNOW that we are getting them giant metal chickens and it would ruin the surprise. So good for forbes, for keeping a secret.

    Like

    ADDGirl recently posted More Bot Monday.

  6. I can’t believe the people that bother to correct your “vagina” vs “vulva” conversation… Get a hobby people, it’s FUNNY…..

    Like

    Dana recently posted Monday, Monday.......Try Printing Out School Supply Lists, Your Kids Will Stop Talking To You....

  7. My god, woman — that squirrel was obviously in need of an amaretto sno cone! It thought it knew where to go, but the only thing it got was a cold shoulder from camera lady. He’s going to crawl off to die in your walls.

    BTW, it must be awesome having so many people adore you. Count me among them.

    Like

  8. I DIDN’T know bears could type! Wow, I learn something new every time I visit your page!

    Like

    Brandy recently posted 10 Easy Steps To Denying Reality.

  9. What??? I am newish around here and I didn’t even know you did a sex blog. I am rushing over there right now because I, well, there’s no time for questions, dammit.

    jill

    Like

    in bed with married women recently posted Dreams Do Come True--A Cautionary Tale*.

  10. I watched that *entire* Kenny Powers clip. I love him too. At the risk of making you jealous of me, I’m going to tell you that I think I might have seen him at an indoor waterpark in Pennsylvania last weekend. Him or his doppelganger. I went up to him and said, “What’s up, mother fucker?” and just got a blank stare, so, actually, it probably wasn’t him.

    Like

    Penelope recently posted Proprietary House Visit, Filled with Awesome.

  11. Lesson 20 is ABSOLUTELY da BOMB DOT COM!!! lolol In other news, I totally almost lost my son to a rabid bear last summer when I entursted him to the care of my dad on an Alaskan adventure. It’s for real ya’ll!

    Like

    Abby recently posted Momma said KNOCK you OUT.

  12. My husband reading over my shoulder has lead to us sitting here and discussing how much eight pounds of uncut cocaine would cost. Guesses have ranged from fifty to a million dollars, so obviously we shouldn’t try to get into the business. We’d get ripped off.

    Like

    meghann @ midgetinvasion recently posted My Movie Companion.

  13. I dunno, I’m pretty sure that being behind only applies to when you’re caught up in at least one place which means: congratulations, you’re not behind! (I realize you said “it all works out”, but really, you don’t even have to call it being behind.)

    Now excuse me, I need to go figure out what pinterest is all about and how to get on there…apparently I have been living under a rock for some time because not only had I never heard of that site but I only recently found out about you! Better late than never?!

    Like

    Vado Banane recently posted Righting a Wrong.

  14. I didn’t even know who Kenny Powers WAS. Seriously. And now I’m a fan.

    Like

    Teresa M. Owen recently posted Is it the Mistake that’s Honest?.

  15. Fantastic wrap up! I need to see everybody’s pinterest page and TADA’s site just blew me away! Away!

    Like

    Jessica recently posted Best. Song. Ever..

  16. That is the saddest squirrel I’ve ever seen, and that includes the one I saw with part of it’s tail nipped off. I called him Lucky Bastard.

    You rock, Jenny!

    Like

  17. If you aren’t supposed to say those 12 things to your child then what on Earth are you supposed to say to them? Geez. Parenting is hard.

    Like

    Johi recently posted I am turning into my mother..

  18. I can totally see why you’d want to propose to Tada’s Revolution. I loved it!

    Like

    Jacqui recently posted On This Episode Of Drunken Karaoke….

  19. That. Was. Vaginal!

    Like

    KidLit recently posted Where the Wild Things are Sleeping.

  20. OK, I know you really don’t like “the unlucky number” but frankly I am kinda stoked that my first time commenting on your blog that’s where I landed. Even if it means you just skipped over what I said. (not that you’re worried, but I didn’t write anything that awesome anyhow)

    And now I’m sort of wishing that I had written “WOLVERINES!!!” in that first comment just so you could have had something pleasant to associate with “the unlucky number”…boourns!

    Like

    Vado Banane recently posted Righting a Wrong.

  21. i regularly tell my kids the rain is caused by god’s crying over the things they’ve said and done that day. i got the idea from jack handy.

    Like

    muskrat recently posted 4 redbulls, 2 snickers, and a couple of orbs.

  22. If your kid killed Santa Claus, then you’ve got some explaining to do. Oh well. I guess there’s always Chanukah Harry.

    Like

    wagthedad recently posted If Rock Stars Were Porn Movies.

  23. My two favorite Kenny Powers lines ever:

    “I said put something nice on. You look like a busted Daytona stripper in that shit.”

    “Honey, I love you. I think you’re a terrific girl. But you got clothes like a fuckin’ dickhead.”

    Is it wrong that I want to have his babies?

    Like

    bschooled recently posted The Most Contagious Viral Ad Campaign Since Nike’s “Just Do It”.

  24. Tell the vagina people to suck your dicktacles.

    Like

    The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful recently posted I'm Co-Dependent with Octomom.

  25. I am really excited to try pinterest, but kind of afraid that once I fall into that world, I’ll never get back out. Is this how drug lord’s feel when they’re just drug princes [or princesses]?

    Like

    HNtG recently posted Be Careful What You Hit For.

  26. Well, Jenny, it worked! Here I was on the verge of a full-scale meltdown and your post distracted me from it!

    And this, is why I continue to read you. You save me from myself. Thank you.

    Like

    Gigi recently posted You only *think* you know....

  27. I will literally be furious from now until the moment I’m wearing a T-shirt that says “Come at Me, Bro.” You’re move, K-Swiss.

    Like

    kendall @thisisnotthatblog recently posted how Google+ makes you feel like an assh*le.

  28. Crap. I meant your. There’s nothing funny about typos.

    Like

    kendall @thisisnotthatblog recently posted how Google+ makes you feel like an assh*le.

  29. I love you for using the word douche-canoe. I didn’t know that even existed… but you bet your butt i’ll be saying it until my next new favorite word comes along =)

    Like

    Jenn L @ Peas and Crayons recently posted Healthy Pantry Shortcuts [Let's Get Saucy!].

  30. AHHHH! WOLVERINES!!!🙂

    Like

    Brenna recently posted Serving dinner to Jesus.

  31. Um, you are right, your doll pintrest shit freaked me the hell out. but I still like you.

    Like

    Gretchen recently posted Breaking all the rules for some candy.

  32. Thanks for getting me addicted to Pintrest! I have wasted so much time already.

    I love your blog, I keep telling people in conversation about the 5′ metal chicken… purely hilarious!🙂

    Like

  33. Jeez you’ve got a bit on – it’s probably a good thing you don’t sleep😉
    Nicole x

    Like

  34. Is Forbes written by men? I actually think more men should read your stuff. They’d learn a SHIT-TON of new stuff and also have something to talk to all us women about.

    Also, thanks for the wrap-up. I’ve missed it!

    Like

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Death coffin water slide and other news.

  35. I have to start this comment list of thoughts before even finishing this entry. Secondly, long time no see. I am finally catching up with all of your entries!

    That squirrel is effing hilarious!!! I live in Fl where it’s 90+ every day, there are at least 50 squirrels running about in our apartment yard. However, I have not seen any of them lay like that. The Golden Girls parody? UHHH: LOVE! I also love Beyonce and the story of how she came to be!!! Everyone really needs a giant Beyonce knocking at their door. Hehe. And, lastly… wow. Tada’s Revolution website is amazing.

    Like

    Karen Maeby recently posted In Memory of Matt Vanderpool.

  36. it’s official – my work is a douche-canoe as the firewall won’t let me visit your sexis website😦 how am I supposed to be entertained all day??? work???🙂

    Like

  37. Just went over to Tada’s. Thanks for that recommendation. And kudos for Forbes. They know good shit when they see it.

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Well since it’s Monday….

  38. Hahaha! This is so funny. I have learned a few clever lessons here. It keeps me coming back to this blog.

    Like

    Lea G recently posted Period pain comics: it’s break time!.

  39. The link for “why the internet exists” just made my week. I’m a huge follower of mythbusters, so I was not surprised but still laughed myself to hiccups.

    Like

  40. I have become all about metal chickens since your post about Beyonce and have been writing extensively about them on my blog. And I totally bought $59 of metal chicken shit over at Zazzle and linked my blog to you, so I hope you don’t mind my trying to get everyone I know to come over here and read your stuff.

    Now I must go see what you think is so awesome. Thanks for being you. I want to stalk you, but I’m not smart enough.

    Chelle at http://www.lifeonthedomesticfront.blogspot.com

    Like

    Chelle recently posted Back to Planet Earth.

  41. Kenny Powers may be a genius, but he’s still a puss. BAM! Tell him I said so.

    Like

    Fred Miller recently posted Revenge of the karate gods.

  42. So much to love here! And if you listen to the full WITS broadcast, you’ll hear Wil Wheaton as one of the call-in guests. Hyper-geek lovegasms!!

    Like

    toni in florida recently posted Pre-Potter and pre-emie** knitting.

  43. So Colbert was right?! Bears ARE our greatest threat?!

    Like

    If I Were God... recently posted An Odd Dilemma.

  44. “Content blocked by your organization” for your sex column at work. What douch-canoes…

    Like

  45. The Forbes article confused me- are “chicks with dicks” excluded? because I know a couple of “gals” in Weho that are gonna be pissed.

    Like

    LA Juice recently posted Dr. Sexy Specs, Meet your Successor, Dr. Sexy Speculum.

  46. Also Annadanna is right- think of what the menfolk could learn from Victor- like how NOT to end up with a life sized Beyonce in your yard?!?!? But I think men are really well represented in these comments…

    Like

  47. Sorry to bring up big metal chickens again but another Beyonce sighting here in Seattle at the famous Beth’s Cafe known on TV for its 12-egg omelette.

    http://www.bethscafe.com/photos.php?img=chicken

    Like

  48. If ever there were two words to get your interest, they must be “Custom Blythe”. She’s purty.

    Also, I see Wikipedia is still being regularly vandalized by people trying to remove Big Metal Chickens from the list of Wedding Anniversary gifts. This is going to run and run.

    Like

    Mr Farty recently posted Threipmuir Walk.

  49. I love ur pinterest boards and the bjd one totally didn’t freak my shit out, lol . I love them too and I even made one myself out of clay.🙂

    Like

  50. i really think that the shop should include beyonce towels and a door mat… i keep checking and hoping…

    Like

    kate recently posted kitty korner.

  51. I’m pretty sure zazzle has a thing against your desk sized Beyonce. I’m in the desert and it won’t ship to me! it will ship everything else to my APO address, just not Beyonce. That is absolutely ridiculous. All I wanted was a desk-sized giant metal chicken so I can have it stare at me and everyone else while I’m trying to do some paperwork… is that too much to ask? On the bright side– it DID let me order a “POISON” mug. and that made everything better…. though I am still chicken-less. Thank you for putting a little smile in my normally boring day!

    Like

    Karen recently posted My Life– As Told by Everyone Else..

  52. Be Furiously Happy t-shirts, please!

    Like

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