Post-it note Victor left on my computer this morning:
“There’s no ‘I’ in threesome, Jenny. You’ve gotta just forget yourself. Stop being so goddamn selfish.”
It’s gonna be a great day.
PS. I’ve never actually had a threesome, nor do I plan to. That’s why it’s funny. If I was actually getting written “needs improvement” critiques for my shoddy menage-a-trois skills I probably wouldn’t be admitting it here.
Or I’d be writing about it a lot.
One of those.
And, on a blissfully unrelated note, it’s Sunday – which means it’s time for my weekly wrap-up:
What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):
- The world’s loudest animal can deafen you with his penis. (OMG, If only I had a nickel for every time I’ve said that.)
What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Own your own desk-sized Beyonce.
- Knock-Knock Motherfucker necklace.
- Please be courteous poster
- Be Nice (the slightly more subtle version)
What you missed on the internets:
- CHICKEN DOWN! PS. Victor has family who live in the town where the giant chicken was assaulted. I find it hard to believe this all just a coincidence.
- I tweeted about something horrific I bought, but I can’t even capture its madness on camera properly. It’s coming though. Promise.
- Stuff I pinned onto my (painfully addictive) pinterest board. “Ponies are for losers” is a particular favorite.
This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- Writing is a beautiful violence.
- This video makes me #furiouslyhappy. Don’t be afraid to be ridiculous.
- My friend (Chookooloonks) is live-blogging in Africa for the next week. You should be reading it.
- My drunk kitchen – 4th of July edition.
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Hillshire Farm, who I adore for their giant kielbasa. There’s not a joke there. I just really like sausage. You should probably check them out. Also, they probably shouldn’t let me write their ad copy for them.