It’s Sunday, but I wrote all the really blasphemous stuff earlier in the week. I’d like that noted in my permanent record.

You know how I’m always perpetually late for trends and memes?  WELL, NOT THIS TIME, MOTHERFUCKERS.  Apparently, “stocking is the new “leisure diving (which was the new “owling) (which was the new “planking) and this time I’m totally on time for it.  “Stocking” is the new hipster art of imitating stock photography.  Why?  I DON’T KNOW AND I DON’T HAVE TIME TO RESEARCH IT.  Mainly because if I don’t post this immediately, I risk becoming out of date.  Not this time, hipsters.

I WIN.

Updated:  Motherfucker. I went back to find the links explaining all of this, and apparently in the time it took me to write this update I’ve become obsolete.  According to the internet, “horsemaning is now the new “stocking”.  Fuck it.  I’m officially saving us from ourselves.  Guess what?  Not-doing-shit is the new horsemaning.  I just called it.  You’re welcome, world.  Go watch some tv.  It’s what all the cool kids are doing.

**********

In other news, it’s Sunday, which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up:

(Graphic provided by Round Table Companies.)

What you missed on my Ill-Advised column:

What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

  • I don’t know.  I kind of suck this week.  How about you?  Did you read something awesome that we should all look at?  Leave it in the comments.

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Oh Crap Potty Training, which sounds like a SNL skit, but is actually a business devoted to getting your kid potty trained in a week. I can only guess this involves some sort of magic. You should probably check it out.

142 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Too scared to click on those links cause someone tricked me once with Lemon Party and that shit is in my head now FOREVER.

    Do not google.

    That shit will do your head in worse than Hello Kitty sanitary napkins.

    Like

    Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo recently posted Hello Kitty! Well, Hello Kitty! Revisiting awesomeness..

  2. You just made my night with the Jesus Christ of Sharks. And I freakin’ love the haunted dollhouse. Who needs finishing? That’s genius as a work in progress!

    Like

    SoloAt30 recently posted Profile of the Week: Brother From Another…Dimension.

  3. Yeah. I’ve been not-doing-shit since before not-doing-shit was cool.

    But now that it’s mainstream, I better start doing shit.

    I think I’ll take up planking. It’s retro now.

    Like

    Adam Jones recently posted Carnival Fun.

  4. I’m a sucker for Dodos AND it’s my birthday! I’m all over that!

    Like

  5. I already decided Im going to hell today after I gave poison berries to my mom. Tha’ts what drinking is for.

    Like

    Mrs. Mustache recently posted Someone is Trying to Murder Me. Or Give Me Free Stuff. I’m scared..

  6. Hipsters bore me.
    So i don’t take ANY trend they are involved in seriously.
    Ya know…like neck beards. 4379223500_bd1a3151bc.jpg
    Fuckin’ hipsters.

    Like

  7. Your dolls house story is in the culture section. Congratulations on being culture.

    Like

  8. Cracked up all week. I must say, not doing shit is amazing! Who’da thunk it?! Living in Portland for 5 years, I’ve never put a bird on anything. I’m woefully behind in that trend too.

    Like

  9. I totally agree about boobs. I tell everyone I know they are overrated. No one believes me unless they have their own purse-sized titties.

    Like

    Karen W recently posted Gray hair is an asshole.

  10. Ugh. Stupid droid won’t open the links right now. Am I only allowed to have insomnia when I have a computer?

    Like

  11. I’m still up!

    Also, that dollhouse might be the coolest one I’ve ever seen.

    Like

    Jessica recently posted Thank You Card - Block Print Linocut - Cursive Typography - Blank Notecard 5 x 7 inches Red Ink.

  12. I come here BECAUSE of the blasphemy, Jenny. Seriously.

    Kelley’s got Hello Kitty dildos on display, Greg’s pulling the plug on his mom, I’m making fun of people in the path of destruction . . . . none of us are right. We don’t need therapy, we’re already a support group.

    Like

    Eric recently posted Thank you, Weather Channel!.

  13. Thanks for the much needed distraction! I’m in Philly, waiting out this hurricane, and watching way too much news coverage. There are definitely a few reporters who deserve a good stabbing.

    Like

  14. If it makes you feel better, I only learnt about planking two days ago when a very drunk man tried to do it out of the window of the bus I was in. The moving bus. On the freeway. The internet really does bring out the dumbass in people.

    Also, I just discovered this blog and have spent literally hours on it. Thanks for being hilarious and sorry for being a bit of a stalker.

    Like

  15. Stocking? Leisure diving? Owling? I am so out of date. I just heard about planking, and for the life of me, could not understand why people want to lay face-down in the dirt. I hate when a hair gets stuck in my lip gloss. Grass and gravel? No thanks.

    Like

    Barbara recently posted Chill out, it’s only 140 characters.

  16. The Washington Post wrote and article about Pat Summitt, the Tennessee women’s basketball coach who recently announced that she has early on-set Alzheimer’s disease — will make you cry a little bit. It is also beautifully written and kind of amazing.
    BUT! After it was stated in the article all i could picture was her separating a shoulder because she was fighting a raccoon. That is bad-ass! Seriously! Thanks Washington Post!

    http://www.washingtonpost.com/sports/colleges/pat-summitt-tennessee-womens-basketball-coach-diagnosed-with-alzheimers-disease/2011/08/23/gIQADEuDZJ_print.html

    Like

  17. Horsemanning has me too scared to google.

    Like

    Veronica recently posted Sunday Selections, sort of. With lots of talking. Because I CAN..

  18. Is the job requirement meant to go to the Haunted Dollhouse page?

    (Nope, but it explains why I don’t have a real job. Fixed. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  19. Oh my god, this might be the first time I’ve ever been in on a trend. I shall continue not doing shit. Thanks for the heads up!

    Like

    HNtG recently posted What’s Your MMO Player Type? Old School Edition.

  20. Girl, you totally lost me in the first paragraph, but that might be because it was martini night with my bestie down the street and I should have stopped before I started. It’s way past my bedtime, but I have to say that you totally rock and if you’re ever in NW Arkansas (who would want to be here on purpose) you would totally fit in with us. We have a fully stocked liquor cabinet (that my husband removed good cooking stuff from to put his collection of liquor into) and can mix anything you might want. Tonight it was blue raspberry martinis. :-D Yeah, tomorrow I will totally think I shouldn’t drink and post comments. :-)

    Like

  21. @Kelley: An actual conversation I once had:

    Some Moron: Meatspin.com? That sounds fun!

    Me: What are you, off your fucking meds?

    Some moron: AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!

    Me: Moron.

    The fact that you know you shouldn’t click on those links puts you WAY ahead of the curve. And by “the curve” I mean all of the people who just read this and went to meatspin.com just to see what the fuss was about.

    Like

    DogsOnDrugs.com recently posted Progress!.

  22. i’ve been obsessively combing over these two tumblrs http://bbook.tumblr.com/ and http://slaughterhouse90210.tumblr.com/

    Like

  23. A) I do rather enjoy that chicken, so I’d better go Like her myself.
    B) Potty training in a week sure sounds lovely.
    Overall, not terribly upset I’m up feeding my twins at 4am.

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted Moving Out of State and Other Natural Disasters.

  24. The “watching a monkey rape a frog” situation you just put me through has changed me as a person. I’m still deciding if this is for the better or not. Did that frog die?

    Like

    Lisa recently posted My house has been invaded by a monster that wants to eat me... Slowly and in a way that will involve pain..

  25. I went through and read you sex column posts and saw that video from youtube about the frog and the monkey. It was at the Honolulu Zoo. Where I was today. I saw that exhibit. I wish I had known about this video before so I could’ve been like “Did you know there’s a video of one of these monkeys forcing a frog to give him a blowjob on youtube.” Just casually as we walked by in the same tone as, “It’s hot today and perhaps we should get some water.”

    Like

    Nakita recently posted I Cain't Say No!.

  26. 26
    Jasper Janssen

    “Job Requirement” link goes to the dollhouse, presumably due to a copy/paste error.

    Like

  27. I love love love the dollhouse!!

    Like

    Broot recently posted But what if everybody tells you you’re in Italy?.

  28. I’ve decided that the most hipster thing to do is ignore all the stupid trends and just be uncool. Because being uncool is the new cool. And it’s also what people do before they get cool. And then I can say I was totally into being uncool before it got all mainstream and stuff.

    Like

    Kez recently posted Reporting from a fresh produce aisle near you..

  29. It’s my birthday today. That’s all, there was no point to that.

    Like

    Lorca Damon recently posted You Are What You Eat.

  30. I’ve just started making stuff up at this point…no one knows the difference…like, I needed a touch-up on my roots once so I told my friends that the new thing was a Hair Dying party where we all get together to dye our hair…yep, they were into it

    Like

  31. Well, according to something someone told me yesterday, batmanning is now the new thing.

    I give up!

    Like

  32. The dollhouse is freaking awesome. AWESOME!

    Like

    Michelle recently posted These Children..

  33. I thought “slushee” was spelled “slushie.”

    Are you trying to avoid a copyright infringement?

    Do you eat corndogs with those wine-slushees?

    I just wondered…

    Like

    The Pliers recently posted "There Was Something I Wanted to Tell You on December 17, 2010...".

  34. Lesson 22 is TRUE!! Big purses with Chicken Noodle Soup in ’em…(I say that because one time I carried a can of Chicken Noodle soup in my purse for 3 weeks! Too lazy to take it out! LOL….

    Like

    T:) recently posted Someone Died...Break Out the MaxiPads!?.

  35. I have somehow refrained from clicking on horsemaning (cuz that sounds scary) and googling Lemon Party (cuz of comment number 1)

    loved the interview with the nature guy.

    Like

    Bryn recently posted This has nothing at all to do with being preggo.

  36. I’m with Kelly @ magnetoboldtoo, Lemon Party = no more links for me. Or at least, approach links with the same care you’d approach cliffs over an abyss. Once that stuff is in, there’s no way to get it out.

    Like

    Team Suzanne recently posted PVC pipe is the new paper clip.

  37. That dollhouse is totally fucking haunted. I clicked on the link to look at your flickr gallery and my iPhone went crazy and it was all, “No! You don’t look at the dollhouse! Let’s look at Jenny standing with other people! And a cow! And NO YOU CAN’T GO BACK!”

    I had to leave flickr completely to even get out of the weird photo loop.

    But you looked fab in that pictures of you I saw.

    Now I have to go ask a priest to perform an exorcism on my iPhone. Which isn’t really that bizarre of a request to a faith that routinely checks dead bodies for decay.

    Like

  38. I actually think that stock photo was copying YOU, no? I mean, you’re famous. So this is what I propose for the new fad: Reverse Stocking. Make it happen Jenny, Miss Bloggess of all thing Internet. I know you can. xo

    Like

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Ouch, dammit..

  39. Those dang hipsters. I can’t keep up.

    Like

    Vesta Vayne recently posted It’s Cocktail Time.

  40. I now feel much stoopider for having read this because I don’t know what ANY of that means. I think I’m going to go drink a bottle of Smart Water and come back later.

    Like

    Dani recently posted "No dog ever peed on a moving car.".

  41. Did I already tell you that you are a genius? Yeah, I thought so, too!

    Like

    tokenblogger recently posted Continued preparation for….

  42. I hate to say it, but I’m sure you saw it coming…horsemanning is out. I saw Hoda and KLG do it. It can’t be hip anymore…

    Like

    Jenna recently posted Eviction Notice.

  43. You have made my batmaning, owling, and wigging post obsolete.

    I shall have to take up not-doing-shit again… but it’s so 5 min ago, i will be doing shit again before I know it…

    Maybe I’ll just declare myself un-cool and old now and do whatever the hell I want anyway…

    Like

    Michelle recently posted As if planking weren’t bad enough….

  44. The fact that I don’t know any of those words actually makes me hip, right? I am not like I care or am excited but you know…I’m just saying.
    The haunted house is brilliant.

    Like

    Jeane recently posted A Life of Transitions Full of Grace.

  45. If it makes you feel better, I still find sad keanu funny.

    Like

    LA Juice recently posted Be Safe Suckers- and a Huge Apology to Stephen Markley.

  46. Jenny, you should enter your dollhouse in the Iowa State Fair. You would win the blue ribbon for sure.

    Like

  47. No shit you didn’t come up with? That’s my favorite part of these posts!!!

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted I Got Interviewed and Zack Got Carried by Shomari Stone.

  48. http://www.reversewinesnob.com
    yesh, this pleases me and it might please you and you’ll have more money for buying wire chickens and such.

    Like

  49. I just have to say, I may be THE LAMEST at memes.

    My blog name has two ‘seriously’s in it, and a shit-ton of people come to my blog, sorely disappointed in Google for providing them with a shitty result for “seriously meme”. So… yeah…

    I prefer the do nothing. Good on ya!

    For shit you didn’t come up with, check out the creepiest job title ever. I might even freak you out. Maybe not. Unsure.

    ________

    Like

    StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? recently posted Creepiest Job Title Ever....

  50. Potty training in a week, huh? I can only assume it involves duct tape and handcuffs. And not in a sexy way. More in a “I’m going to tape your ass to this toilet and handcuff you to the sink until you stop pissing in your pants” kind of way. And probably a magic wand, too. And a fake identity so you can run from protective services.

    Like

    Momma Teacher Lady recently posted What the $&!@ was that?????.

  51. Welp! If you’re late for trends I’m sorta fucked, because I get my trend updates from your blog. Mostly.

    Also, since you asked, I haven’t had much time to search the internet (either). Probably because I’m too busy decorating my brand new calendar, now specifically tailored, to count down the days until your NYC book signing. And, no. I don’t think I’m a stalker. But even if I am, my shrink assures me I’m sure I’m the harmless type. I think.

    So no worries.

    And, I digress.

    If you’re not terrified, please let me know if/when you’re doing your book signing. This can help make my imaginary date seem a little less virtual. And probably keep me out of the looney bin (for another few months).

    You’re the bestest Jenny!

    Like

    WriteWendy recently posted This!.

  52. I hate you a little bit for the link to the monkey/frog horror that will forever be seared into my brain. (I hated you more for it before I saw your dollhouse pictures. Your phenomenal work of art managed to temporarily put the monkey images out of my mind, thank god.)

    Like

  53. I love, love, love your haunted dollhouse, I can see why it would make news! And if you marketed the concept I would buy one.

    Like

    Meg at the Members Lounge recently posted I Can’t Help Myself Friday. Natural Disasters..

  54. Congratulations to Beyonce,The Giant Metal Chicken page. I have to find the pic of my 13 year old planking George, my giant metal chicken. She doesn’t like George. Did I mention she was kissing him as she was planking?

    Like

  55. Love the dodo bird homage to the town I live next to. I think I’ll start calling my Portland friends, dodosters instead of hipsters.

    Like

  56. 56
    The other Jenny

    I think you should look at this: http://www.says-it.com/churchsigns/

    Imagine the possibilities……!

    Like

  57. Your haunted dollhouse is awesome, but you’re not alone in the dollhouse world. There is a HUGE online community of miniaturists, many of whom love making haunted dollhouses, bordellos, and candy shops that give you tooth decay just by looking at them. (My favorite community is a Yahoo group called TheCamp.) And then there’s the mini magazines and the artisans and the shops . . . ooh, the online shops . ..

    Like

  58. 58
    The other Jenny

    Oh- and I found out that, apparently, there is an underground creative writers club on Amazon. They meet in the reviews sections: http://www.amazon.com/Cloverdale-Fresh-Whole-Rabbit/dp/B00012182G/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314548114&sr=8-1

    I figured out you can follow them by looking at the Customers who viewed this also viewed scrolly thing- check out the Three Wolves T-shirts and Tuscan milk!

    Like

  59. I don’t know what’s funnier – the planking (which I literally just found out about this week), owling, leisure diving (awesome!!), stocking or the interview with the naturalist lol! He is going to be forever scarred by the frog and the monkey.

    Like

  60. Not doing shit is the new horsemaning? *tear*

    I am finally going to make my father proud.

    Like

  61. Stocking. OMG i want to do this.
    So freaking self indulgent. I love it- for ME it is amazing and I will find the best stock of MY face (get it..? )

    people need ways to share themselves. The written word gave way to photos which gave way to video which gave way to photos of other photos that look like us.

    wow.

    going now to troll istock.com like a vampire

    Like

    Ericka recently posted Don't stab me.

  62. Hideously secondarily traumatized by that Monkey link. (And I’m not a gawker at traffic accidents, effin gladiator mentality.) Not sure who I want to destroy first, the mother who seemingly allowed her children to watch/kept filming or the chimp. Three words: Men, poor froggy. Horrible man, just.

    Like

  63. I got tired just reading about all the shit I am obviously not hip enough to keep up with. That was uncool of you to make me tired Jenny.

    Like

    Denise recently posted Sunday Random Round-Up #8.

  64. I think Beyonce-ing is the new horsemaning. Now I just need to take some pictures with Beyonce (can’t figure out how to add the accent above the e), to promote this trend.

    Like

    Andrea recently posted Top 10 Reasons I Love Working in a Psych ER.

  65. I’m happy to join your club. I’ve been working on a (not) haunted dollhouse which I built from a kit my mother-in-law dropped off at my house 18 months ago. It’s starting to get dusty which is making me weepy. I need a plexiglass case with a door on it like yours. Where did you find it?!

    (Thanks! Victor bought it for me for Mother’s Day. He had it made at a plexiglass store. ~ Jenny)

    Like

    Lynn @ Walking With Scissors recently posted Messing With Car Salesmen.

  66. I wish I came up with the boobs are like purses you can never take off analogy. SO true and HILARIOUS! I will be sharing that tidbit with my girlfriends. Loved it. Thank you for always providing my face with a smile.

    Like

    Tina Ihas recently posted Fill in the Blank Friday on Saturday Afternoon!.

  67. One of the things my mom is most proud of, is the fact that she had all four of her kids potty trained within one week. Not all in the same week. That really would be magic.

    Like

    Marissa recently posted Baby Fever Friday!.

  68. I had no idea you did dollhouse miniatures. I’ve been building dollhouses for years. This makes me feel that much more creepily close to you….

    Like

    Brandy recently posted Themed Thursday: Umbrellas.

  69. Jenny! I think you just helped me find a job! Or at least a good company to work for! Been in Chicago since November and with my resume, well even -I- wouldn’t hire me! We watched the video of Hailey in her play, and my Zoe was saying how much she missed Hailey and Texas. They only knew each other for two weeks, and proof is in the pudding, darling. You’re raising a fierce little girl who spreads happiness furiously, making her mark on the world with everyone she meets. <3

    Like

  70. Not my post, but the comments beneath it from 2 days ago are FULL OF AWESOME. Readers wrote their Anti-Bucket Lists or their “Fuck It Lists.”

    Like

    GirltoMom- Heidi recently posted Toys That Scare Me.

  71. Sigh…when did I become old, uncool and so out of date . I just figured out what planking is now there is all of this other stuff. I have to admit it is fun but who comes up with it?? And who has the time???

    Like

  72. Also totally love the dollhouse.

    Here’s a fly memorial we made at our office. I think it’s pretty sick and twisted. Also, awesome.

    http://virtualsprite.blogspot.com/2011/08/fun-at-office.html

    Like

    VirtualSprite recently posted fun at the office.

  73. Does getting molested by a Siberian Husky count?

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Yes I am a killjoy. I admit it.

  74. I may never look at chimps the same way ever again…

    Like

    ohblessherheart recently posted Shoulda’ woulda’ coulda’….

  75. I desperately wish I could have gotten a picture of the giant metal elephant in North Georgia. I think her name was Lil’ Kim.

    Like

    Meg recently posted Take that, NYSE!.

  76. Your post about body image makes me so happy. A student at my school wrote in her agenda at the top of the “Goals” section…”LOSE WEIGHT.” She’s 11. :(

    Like

    the single teacher recently posted Vampire Obsession Explained....

  77. Now that the chimp video is seared into my brain I have of course forwarded it to my husband.
    I’m new to your blog (of course starting off with Beyonce) and have to admit I have a bit of a girl crush on you.

    Like

  78. I was just showing my husband the photos of your super-awesome dollhouse, and he said it reminded him of this book about miniature reconstructions of crime scenes. I’m guessing you’ve already seen it, but just in case. (Sorry if it doesn’t link properly. I don’t know what I’m doing.)
    http://www.amazon.com/Nutshell-Studies-Unexplained-Death/dp/1580931456/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1314568219&sr=8-1

    Like

  79. Mrs. Bloggess I nominated you for an award. The Liebster award. I know you probably get 200 nominations a day but I dont care. You make me laugh every day and I really need that. You ROCK my socks. Love Amber

    Like

    Amber recently posted Thankful.

  80. Your dollhouse is just amazing!

    Like

    sarina recently posted We’re not obsessed with bacon….. it just seems like it..

  81. I thought “coning” was the new planking?

    Like

  82. I’ve heard and seen planking and owling. The horsemanning was hysterical. Stocking looks like fun ;-)
    I loved your interview with the Naturalist, I kept laughing and then had to read it to my husband when he wanted to know what was so funny. I avoided the frog link, not sure if I want to have that in my head for days or not. Your dollhouse is awesome, the details are superb.

    Like

  83. Well, thanks for that. I’m never going to be able to look a chimpanzee in the face again. Or anywhere else, for that matter. Sod the 97% chromosomes in common, I’m with the frog.

    Like

  84. Must be a t-shirt: Sometimes you have to use your penis, whether you want to or not.

    Beyonce = this year’s halloween costume. “Knock, knock muthafukkah” Bwahhahaha!

    Like

  85. Not a link, just a thing that made me laugh:

    So at work yesterday I saw an electronic “20 Questions” game, which just seems sort of sad.
    My coworker was telling me it’s actually kinda fun, and that even though he picked something dirty, it pretty much guessed it. So of course I had to try.

    Since I’m assuming “penis” isn’t actually in the database?

    I’m gonna go ahead and call the (f’reals, was way too hung over to make this shit up) answer of “wiener schnitzel” a win…. ~grin~

    Like

  86. Discovered Big Mama Thorton’s version of Hound Dog. Blasphemous but, in my little brain, Elvis’ version sucks.

    Like

  87. That dollhouse: shock and awe. I can’t even begin to grasp what goes on in your brain, but I think it might involve demented genius.

    Like

  88. My trend knowledge went directly from planking to horsemaning. I dont know if that makes me cool or woefully behind.

    Like

    Dani recently posted Knock! Knock! Mo Fo Karma Wants Her Five Dollars Back.

  89. You people need to stop trying to spot the next trend and just START WORRYING…

    At least until someone fills the post Irene Panic Vacuum.

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted Post Irene Panic Vacuum.

  90. The image of the Chimp and the Frog will forever haunt my memories…

    Like

    Devon recently posted Eye Of Irene by Devon Stewart.

  91. So while reading your post today I had one of those random thoughts. Usually they’re the result of a couple of drinks (one of which inevitably spills itself somewhere around my mouse… ) but so far your blog is doing the trick. The thought… in case you were thinking Cheesus when is this boy going to get to a point… was that have you noticed that there are very little to no spam comments on your blog? Even yahoo articles get posts about why the *insert political party here* is f**ing up Amer’ca or where you can get your new Russian bride a “real” Louiss Vuitton purse (yes the second s was intentional). I’m kinda thinking that it’s because even the widow of the Nigerian with $300million in turquoise beads locked in a vault in their uncle’s vault (I’m seriously waiting for my share… I mean the check cleared their bank months ago!) is so impressed with your blog that SHE has to make a real comment of her own. Or maybe she’s just afraid you might spam her back. Just thinking….

    Ok back to your regularly scheduled programming.

    Like

    Brandon Smith recently posted Where’s Waldo?.

  92. All I have to say is, Danny McBride + Babies = GET IN MAH WOMB!

    *awkward silence*

    (Er, just so you know, the above comment was brought to you by a severe case of chronic insomnia.)

    Like

    bschooled recently posted Life On The Streets- An Abstract Sculpture Gallery.

  93. Holy Cow,
    With my addiction to totes umbrellas, I now need to start leisure dive ASAP!
    Purple Stinky Onion

    Like

    Jenny recently posted *I have a question to ask*.

  94. I’ve been thinking about making a doll house for ten years, I’m slow at getting to my to do list. But i have been too busy whipping up kale chips. http://twocountrydykes.com/2011/08/25/kale-is-good-for-you/

    Like

    Jack Danger recently posted For My Speed Demon.

  95. I like that, no matter how many times I’ve said horsemaning in the last few minutes *a Lot*, it continues to sound dirty to me.
    Also, my cat just called me a hipster douche. He’s pretty straight forward like that.

    Like

  96. I hereby demand tshirts with the purse quote on them. Because my rack is SO. HEAVY. And nothing says subtle like highlighting your enormous rack with a quote about your enormous rack. Brill.

    Like

    Meeks recently posted 6 months?!.

  97. The doll house.

    Holy.Shit.

    That is all.

    Like

  98. Man. I kinda don’t even want to look up ‘horsemaning’ – I enjoying the image of a horse in a hoodie judging me for eat oats because oats are “so last season”. Effin’ horse.

    Like

    Beesus recently posted How People Found The Site Last Week.

  99. Your Haunted Dollhouse is AMAZING!

    Like

    Rebekah Mae recently posted No Title..

  100. I found a wicked awesome website – http://www.thekidshouldseethis.com
    You don’t need to have kids to enjoy it, but if you do have kids you need to get them to this website asap.

    Like

    Madfishmonger recently posted Brown Fine Hemp with Clear and Pink Glass Beads.

  101. I have no idea what any of those things are, so I am way behind every it seems. :)

    Like

    Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted 2 Plus 1 = Deal Breaker?.

  102. I ran into the same problem with the fad tricks. Somewhere between planking and stocking were coning and batting also. Apparently the children aren’t entertained enough…but by the looks of my adult friends facebook pages…neither are they. It must be the crappy box office year we’ve had.

    Like

    Abby recently posted Communicato NOT-oh Mr. Roberto.

  103. All I have to ask is did you have anything to do with either of the Beyonces and their pregnancies?!?! Also, has everyone just given up on wigging?! That’s fucked up.

    Like

    John B recently posted the terminal: where class goes to die.

  104. Apparently, batmanning is the new horsemanning

    Like

  105. I just realized something.

    All these trends have one thing in common.

    The all end in “ing”.

    So, it stands to reason that the ultimate “ing” thing would be “inging”…wouldn’t it?

    Like

    awesomesauciness recently posted Fish Nazi.

  106. I just lost an hour and a half of my life going through the archives, reading old Blogess posts. I’ll never get that hour and a half back. The upside? Now I’m in a fantastic mood, and the world is looking like a hilarious place to be. The downside? I am supposed to be shopping for something to wear to my grandmother’s funeral. The “Knock, Knock, Motherfucker” shirt could get here by Wednesday, right? My family would be HORRIFIED but granny? She’d be laughing her ass off.

    Like

  107. This has everything to do with nothing, but did you know that all the dicey words are not valid on Words with Friends? Like they don’t exist or something. I am sure that whore is a word. AMIRIGHT?
    See everything to do with nothing. Not even Stocking.

    Like

    Vera recently posted The Virgin.

  108. You’ve got bigger things to worry about, like getting your giant metal chicken knocked up to stay in line with its namesake!

    Like

    SisterMerryHellish recently posted I Challenge You To Challenge Me!.

  109. I hope the bear doesn’t eat your wonky ear.

    Like

  110. 112
    cakeburnette

    Hey don’t know if you’ve ever seen the site Cakewrecks (http://cakewrecks.squarespace.com/), but the writers are celebrating their 13th anniversary today and TWO commenters mentioned that the 15th anniversary is for Big Metal Chickens. I had to laugh. Twice.

    Still looking for my own BMC in middle Georgia… *sigh*

    Like

  111. 113
    Evie Dailey

    Please, please post a picture of Beyonce w/ the pig on the Facebook page!

    Like

  112. Owling looks like Spidermaning to me.

    Like

    the muskrat recently posted there is love in arizona.

  113. Your doll house makes me weep with joy and envy. <3

    Like

  114. in totally unrelated news, i saw this totally creepy as fuck product and thought of you…

    http://www.gingasquid.com/shop/show_single_product.php?prod=355

    Like

    Simone recently posted Are you worth it?.

  115. Honestly…never considered you a “mommy blogger”.

    Other than that – the article about your haunted house was funny.

    You are even MORE famous now! YAY! :)

    Like

    Joie recently posted Fiddle Sticks.

  116. Well this has absolutely nothing to do with the post but I need a place to vent. Apparently I am the b-i-t-c-h of the family because I do not want to fly or drive all the way across the country for my grandmothers funeral. Sorry but I just don’t like funerals.

    Like

  117. I looked but couldn’t identify anything from M. R. James’ short story “The Haunted Doll’s House”. Did I overlook it?, or I suppose the whole thing could be it. (If you haven’t read the story I could provide you with a copy.)

    Like

  118. 122
    Dellarngubella

    Don’t know if you are looking for a theme song….but I think this is PERFECT for you!

    Like

  119. What I like best (read: hate most) about that “news” story is that is says you had “been pegged as simply a mommy blogger and humor writer” until we discovered that you built a kooky haunted dollhouse, and THEN, you finally become more than “simply” anything. Awesome. Who knew that the stuff a brilliant woman made her living doing was akin to inconsequential, while her random hobbies defined her?

    Like

    MommyTime recently posted "You'll see.".

  120. CONGRATS!!! Just heard the news that Beyonce’ was pregnant!!! Who knew metal chickens could reproduce?!?!?!!? Time to throw a baby shower!!!

    Like

  121. Can you turn your “Leisure Dive” into a “Stock”? If so, then I call “Leisure Stocking”!

    Like

    Karen Hawks recently posted Every Little Thing.

  122. The Haunted Dollhouse is BRILLIANT!!!

    Like

  123. I totally bought the “Oh Crap Potty Training” but then found out that it requires 3 days of my undivided attention. After attempting it for 9 hours, I gave up and went to buy wine. My daughter peed in the wine aisle and shouted “OH NO MOMMY, LOOK.” I just pretended like it didn’t see it and proceeded to the checkout. I figured it was payback for those fucking mini grocery carts.

    Like

  124. I love the Jesus Christ Supershark t-shirt! Question: Is that inappropriate attire when in the company of my husband’s family? They are Jewish.

    Like

  125. Hi Jen – I haven’t ever commented on here, but I saw something that reminded me of you – (I am a regular reader – I have so far read back to page 70-ish!)

    Its a Zombie Engagement photography shoot!!!

    http://www.amandarynda.com/2011/08/zombie-engagement-photos/

    Apologies for the randomness of this comment!

    Like

  126. 130
    Theresa G.

    I watched the frog rape video… and laughed until I cried. I almost peed myself. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard for that long in forever. As soon my husband was home from work I told him he had to watch this video because it would blow his mind…. He laughed just as hard and as long as I had, until he was red in the face with tears streaming down. It takes a chimpanzee raping a frog to show a couple just how meant for one another they truly are. That’s romance.

    Like

  127. Watching TV with chocolate, hereafter known as chocovision, is the way forward and will be the new craze.

    Like

    rehabilitationrandomness recently posted My favourite things.

  128. Horsemanning: proving that everything old is new again, especially when it comes to hipster photo memes. I’m personally choosing to look at it as early Halloween shenanigans.

    Like

    Eva Halloween recently posted Budget Haunting with 62 Days to Go.

  129. I hope I’m the first one to give you this idea because if not I’m going to be super-pissed. After looking at your awesome signs and t-shirts in the shop, I thought of a t-shirt design that I would totally buy from you. Picture it: “GO THE FUCK AWAY! I HAVE SHIT TO DO. (And no I don’t care if you’re a 2-year-old… or a stab-victim)”

    Why am I not making it myself you ask? I have shit to do.

    Sincerely,
    Lindsey Pearce
    Art-Teacher Extraordinaire
    Burleson, TX

    Like

  130. I hope this says something(?) about my parenting skills, but my 12-year-old daughter is begging for the tote bag to carry to her somewhat upscale, uptight middle school. Yes, we live in Portland.

    Like

  131. http://www.snopes.com/critters/wild/mantis1.asp
    I found the cartoon the naturalist was referring to; it’s attached to an article about praying manti.

    Like

  132. You: “No one thinks this is funny but me.”

    Well, obviously, that’s not true at all. Your Beyonce story had me doubled over in pain laughing and, admittedly, crafting a few ‘metal chicken-y’ ideas of my own for my well deserving spouse. I love your writing style and would SO appreciate your input on my fledgling (well, it’s practically fetal) blog – http://www.olddognewtits.com.

    I’m 42, a mom of 2, and am looking into what it takes to get a new pair of, well, you get it, right? Anyway, my goal is keep it light-hearted, honest and entirely comical and to let other women know exactly what they’re in for with a boob job. I may do it. I may not. That’s what the blog is for. Science! Boob science, to be more specific. Would love your two cents.

    Please keep the hilarity coming. My lost soul needs it.

    Like

  133. This is why I keep my teenager daughters around rather than kicking them to the curb. Up until 2 weeks ago, I didn’t even know what a meme was and I swear I consider myself pretty damn smart. I mean, I read Time magazine front to back for god’s sake. But evidently, I’m really just short of your stuffed monkey. For their information alone, I’m willing to feed them.

    Like

    Susan H. recently posted A word about death/butter Part II.

  134. I LOVE the haunted Doll House. My only suggestion, because I know you value it, is it needs to be surrounded by a cemetery. But why stop there?….put the Haunted Doll House on a shelved table. In the cemetery section, because I know you are going to do that, you build a staircase under a tomb stone, which leads to the shelve under the DH. Now you have a whole new section to decorate UNDER the house…The Secret Cellar…Torture Chamber…..endless possibilities. Your Welcome.

    Like

  135. beyonce at burning man:
    chicken little

    Like

  136. May I request that you do a more in-depth blog post about your Haunted Dollhouse in future? I think we’re all really interested in the whys and wherefores of how you did it. It is truly lovely.

    Like

  137. Okay. I’ve decided you’re cool. My sister has a small (compared to Beyonce, but still 3 feet), deadly, metal, turkey made from old oil cans on her porch. Well my friend Ali saw it, and she’s a fan of yours (and Beyonce obviously) and she sent us the link. Well, I’m hooked. You’re funny. Anyway, that dollhouse is spot on awesome and I have a funny dollhouse story to share. My best friend’s family had a regular (not Amityville Horror) dollhouse in their family room that we played with all through our childhood. We continued playing with it after we were getting stoned to the bejezus freshman year – we would arrange the dolls in all these pornographic crazy poses throughout the house. God I wish we had digital photography back then – it was so funny. Anyway, keep on keeping on.

    Like

  138. 142
    outraged by hipsters

    That shit is NOT NEW. The “horsemaning” thing? That trick was in this “photography for kids” book from like, the late 90’s, along with the one where you stand in a field with your hands out and have your friend stand in the distance so it looks like you have a tiny human in your palm? I always wanted to try it but I was a city kid, so I never had the open field. Or friends, for that matter.
    …cough.
    Anyway my point is, this comment is like five months late but I just found this blog and i fucking love it, but I saw this and I was like, “hipsters! you’re not that cool! i knew about that before you!” wait, is it actually a hipster thing? i assume so.

    Like

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