It kind of feels like a hollow victory

Conversation with Victor in the car…

Victor: You never talk to me while I’m driving. You just play on your phone.

me: Oh. I was just thinking that my friend M.is amazing, but she can’t see anything other than her flaws. I wish I could make her see all the awesomeness inside of her. She’s like a magnificent pinata filled with such beauty, and all I want to do is just smash her in the face with a stick.

Victor: What the f-?

me:  But in a good way.

Victor: It’s amazing that Hallmark hasn’t called you yet.

me: I know. They don’t have nearly enough cards about pinatas. Hey, do my eyeballs smell?

Victor: Are you high right now?

me: No, I’m serious. If I said “It smells like ass in here” you’d know what I mean. Same thing with armpits, and earwax, and feet, and unwashed hair, but you never hear people saying “something smells like eyeballs in here”. I wonder if humans are immune to the smell of eyeballs.

Victor: This is not even close to what I had in mind when I asked you to talk to me.

me: Well, that’s the danger of not giving me a topic. I bet cats can smell eyes. That’s probably why when I wake up sometimes Posey’s face is like an inch from mine, and he’s staring right at my eyeballs. They probably smell awesome.

Victor: Or terrible.

me: I bet they smell delicious.

Victor: *silence*

me: Smell my eyeballs.

Victor: I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.

me: Well, now I’m all curious. I can’t smell my own eyeballs, dude. This exactly why I got married.

Victor: You got married so you’d have someone to smell your eyeballs?

me: Well, not specifically. I mean, it wasn’t in the vows. But it was implied.

Victor: You know what? I take it back. Please, please go back to your phone.  You win.

me:  Really?  I didn’t even know we were fighting.  My God, I’m good at this.

 

355 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Oh. My. Gawd….. this….. it’s just poetry.
    Remind Victor:
    Ask and you shall receive.
    Beggers can’t be choosers.
    and
    You win.
    Always.❤

    Like

  2. I bet eyeballs smell salty.

    Like

  3. I’m totally printing this conversation out and using your part as a script for when my wife comments on me focusing on my iPhone.

    Like

    Daddy Scratches recently posted Sorry, NFL scouts, but it appears his football career is on hold.

  4. I just simply love you and Victor……

    Like

    Dana recently posted Long Day, I Still Have The Eye of a Prize Fighter....

  5. Beautifully done. Im taking notes for next time Im told Im using my iPhone too much.

    Like

  6. Holy amazeballs, this conversation is hilarious. Win for you indeed, bet Victor will never ask you to talk during a car ride again.

    I’m so using this on someone.

    Like

  7. I’m using this conversation, too.

    I’ve smelled eyeballs before, but they were bathed in formaldehyde. I imagine they smell better when still implanted in the head.

    Like

    Corinne recently posted What happens when I think I have a lucid dream. #LifeFail.

  8. This was pure awesomeness. Hahahahaha! Oh, and congrats on #winning!

    Like

    Kellie Bowling recently posted We’ve moved!.

  9. It’s such a refief to find someone who’s mind seems to work like mine, though my (ex)husband couldn’t cope in the end.

    Like

  10. My son says eyeballs smell like a swimming pool that someone peed in.

    Like

    Lindsey recently posted The Karate Kid.

  11. Next time my wife moans that I don’t speak to her in the car but just look at my phone, I’m showing her this blog entry!

    You never fail to make me laugh.

    Like

  12. You have a very valid point. Sometimes my evil cat sniffs around my eyeballs…but I never gave it any thought until now. Maybe only cats can smell them though?

    Like

    jacqui recently posted Haunted….

  13. That sounds about right for a husband/wife conversation. My wife will do the same thing, maybe not eyeball sniffing, but something just as random. That’s why I drink.

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    Gutmeister recently posted If it ain’t broke….break it.

  14. I have a few pinata friends. Now I should punch them in the face

    Like

  15. I’ve been in the presence of my fake husband (we live in sin) all day, thanks to the holiday. He won’t stop talking and I just want a little silence. I’m taking notes on the eyeballs. p.s. I bet they smell sour.

    Like

  16. I’d also like to point out I am a dimwit who cannot spell ‘whose’ and I am a different Corinne to the above Corinne. Hello Corinne!

    Like

  17. PS Your comment box hates my blog. It made me put http:// in front of the URL and look ^ NO HYPERLINK.

    I think I tricked it this time though.

    Like

  18. You are the most bizarre person I have ever encountered. I love you!

    Like

  19. Jane above is probably right… Salty. Salty balls. Like an ocean, so depending on how close you live to one or how long you’ve lived near one it would smell like fish and rotten seaweed. This explains the cat thing!

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    Angie recently posted Circle Back- Where I become famous in my own mind.

  20. I personally hope that my eyes smell a little like Funyuns. If they don’t, I’m probably better off not knowing.

    Like

  21. That is hilarious! I’ve wondered what eyeballs smelled like too! My cats are always sniffin at them or trying to lick them. Do they smell so good they can’t resist, or are they trying to clean them cause they reek?

    Like

  22. of course you win.
    duh, victor.

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    pamela dayton time recently posted more about the camping trip. because i know you care..

  23. Now I can’t let my cats anywhere near my face anymore. Thanks.

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    Stephanie recently posted Why You So Mean, Lady?.

  24. In the car with the hubby & read him this. He wants to know if you’re a sibling I haven’t been told about yet.

    Like

  25. I can imagine what they smell like but it’s hard to describe!

    Steph

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  26. I’m not married so I asked this woman to smell my eyeballs and she pretended she didn’t speak English. I’m like “it’s labor day, why do you hate your country, SMELL MY EYEBALLS.” Checkmate.

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  27. Wow. I’m bookmarking this one. When I think I’m too weird, I’m going to read this again and know…I’m not.

    That Corinne above gives good comment.

    And congrats on your victory. That makes you Victor’s victor or Victor your vanquished. Or both.

    Also, you should write a novel. I’d totally buy it.

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    Patti recently posted On the road, we’re all people.

  28. One of my favorite Old 97s songs is called “I’ve Got Eyes for You” and goes on to sing that “I keep them in a jar up in my room.” So, obviously, you just need to get a jar of eyes and open them every so often to get a whiff of eau de eyeball. Problem solved.

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    Rachel B recently posted Women’s Rights: 1, Rick Perry: 0.

  29. 29
    Franny Kromminga

    your logic was totally irrefutable. Victor didn’t stand a chance.🙂

    Like

  30. You won, what else matters?

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  31. Take a flexible straw and put one end into a nostril and the other near your eyeball, either one right or left will do (that also includes nostrils unless one side is stuffy, then it won’t). Occlude the other nostril with a finger, unless it is already stuffy, then you can skip this step, and sniff – unless both are stuffy, then you should wait until they are not, both stuffy that is. Do this in a good light and with a mirror when you are not driving or being driven, unless you are stopped for a prolong period like parking. Repeat several times to be sure, and do it away from your eyeball so you are sure you are not smelling the straw, or eyebrow or the inside of your nose. Also sniff your fingers to be sure you are not smelling them. Do this away from perfume and flowers and the litter box.

    OMG, I cannot believe I actually have to explain this to you.

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    mousebert recently posted things worth believing in.

  32. True story: Our neighbor leaned over in the middle of a church service and asked my mom to smell her eye. Literally “Hey, smell my eye”. She thought her makeup had expired.

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  33. This situation totally calls for the awarding of mini-Beyonce.

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  34. and now *I* want to know what eyeballs smell like

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    jazmyn recently posted Artfire Artisan Spotlight: Gloria Dorr, GlowsCraftyCorner.

  35. Oh bless his heart for trying but of course you win. You had a valid question.

    Like

  36. This conversation with Victor reminds me of a Mittens and Snowdrop conversation (found here: http://www.matazone.co.uk/animpages/kitty1.html)

    Like

  37. Does Victor ever win? I mean other than having you as a wife? Cause you are all kinds of win as a wife.

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    Kat recently posted What The Hell Is Wrong With The Mummyblogging Community Lately??.

  38. I’m pretty sure dogs can smell eyeballs. A dog I used to dogsit for used to smell my eye so frequently, I was starting to worry I had, like, eye cancer or something. Maybe she just thought my eye smelled foul and it needed a wash.

    Huh.

    The more you know.

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    HNtG recently posted I Got Paid for His Arrest.

  39. I just tried to smell my own eyeballs – kind of with the same technique that I try and smell my own breath with. Neither work.

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    Alex recently posted #thingsimiss: whataburger.

  40. Honestly..I think asking your hubs to smell your eyeballs is perfectly reasonable. Why do they get so worked up over SIMPLE requests and questions?

    I asked my husband if he would turn gay for me if I decided to have a sex change operation and he wouldn’t answer that question. I think I have a right to know how committed he is to this relationship. He just thinks I should be committed.

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  41. Please make a , You’re so great I’d like to punch you in the face with a bat like a pinata, card. I Want

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  42. Now I need to ask my husband to smell my eyeballs. I bet they do smell delicious. Like vanilla frosting or fresh out of the oven chocolate chip cookies.

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  43. You are amazeballs. I fucking love you and I am sure your eyeballs smell fantastic.

    P.S. Victor is awesome and should really be capitalizing on this. I mean Hallmark pinatas? He totally needs to write the pitch! Just sayin’.

    Like

  44. Oh, the good light and mirror are so you don’t poke your eye out. (I can hear my mother’s voice – A Christmas Story)

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    mousebert recently posted things worth believing in.

  45. You are awesome! You have completely made my day!!! I love your blog. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day I go back and read old post just for a laugh!

    Like

  46. And I thought only my friends and I had these kinds of conversations. Good to know I’m not alone.

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    Sheila recently posted There's the Wizard We Know and Love!.

  47. Well, this is just great. I was eating my egg salad sandwich when I pulled open your blog. That’s when I quickly lost my appetite. All I could think about were slimy eyeballs. Not the infected kind, but eyeballs the morning after a long night of too much alcohol, rough sex, and failing to wash off my mascara and eyeliner. You know the type. You wake up with all that black shit in the corner of your eye and it feels like you have a thick film over your cornea. I sat thinking about that film. If one could peel it off the eye, it would probably be a shade of pale yellow. The exact pale yellow of my egg salad sandwich. Thank you. You are the best diet ever.

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  48. I’d smell your eyeballs. And not in a creepy internet stalker kind of way, either.

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    daniel recently posted Dungeon Overlord.

  49. I now have a new response to questions that involve things I really don’t want to do. “I’d rather smell your eyeballs.”

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  50. There are no words to describe the wonder of this post. P.S. You’d think Victor would’ve learned by now… but no.

    Like

  51. Another point, I though of after reading your post about your psychiatrist hating you, don’t do this after sex since you might think an eyeball smells like semen. At least wash your eyes and face well, shit take a god damn shower – alone this time! And use soap! and water too, works better that way.

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    mousebert recently posted things worth believing in.

  52. If I woke up and my cat was sniffing my eyeballs I think my first thought would be “I hope she doesn’t think they smell delicious.”

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  53. It is beautiful insanity like this that makes me love following you.

    Like

  54. please know that I was totally waiting for this to turn into wondering how eyeballs taste. Please ask Victor to lick your eyeballs and get back to us. It’s for the team, Jenny.

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    Beesus recently posted Cooking With Beesus: Tormado!.

  55. Love your mushy eyeballs. Both of them.

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  56. This is MADE of awesome. Seriously.

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  57. “my friend… is amazing, but she can’t see anything other than her flaws. I wish I could make her see all the awesomeness inside of her. She’s like a magnificent pinata filled with such beauty, and all I want to do is just smash her in the face with a stick.”

    you absolutely crack me up. you turn a few stolen moments to check blogs into tears of laughter. i love you for that.

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    Nobody recently posted August, In Retrospect..

  58. You are a prophet, guiding me and showing me the way en. I feel enlightened in a way I haven’t felt in years. My husband – not so much a fan, I don’t know, can’t figure it out.

    Like

  59. The cow eye Sean dissected last Friday smelled like formaldehyde. That’s what he said, anyway.

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    Fred Miller recently posted Burp and Taste it!.

  60. btw – wtf??? The link on my name (first comment) goes to a mega site of bible studies? *sssiiiiiigggghhhhh*
    Looks like you win again.

    Like

  61. You are SOOOOOOOO my idol. And my husband SOOOOOOO feels for Victor. I personally don’t care what he or Victor thinks. I bet he won’t smell my eyeballs, either.

    Like

  62. hahhaha… I love the conversations between you and Victor!

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    Jaime recently posted twa la la ...it's a holiday!.

  63. How long have you and Victor been married, can,t be that long if he still hasn’t realised that WE never win!

    Like

  64. Note to self: never EVER read the Bloggess during a meal, snack, or any food or drink related activity.

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  65. My S.O. sniffed my eye ball for me… for science… he says there is no odor.

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  66. That truly is a brilliant argument. The next time we start to have one of these in the car, I’d like to just have call you!

    And eyeballs have to smell! My cats are always sniffing at them too!

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    Lisa recently posted September Morn....

  67. Bahaha dieing this is hilarious!! I’m not quiet sure how ur husband can not die of laughter while having a conversation. Reading ur blog is the best part of everyday

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  68. I had this conversation fairly recently but it was more along the lines that apparently tears contain some kind of chemical that turn men off. So if I ever cried, I used to tell my boyfriend not to smell my face.

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    Jax recently posted Huh....

  69. Having had countless similar “cell phone usage discussions” with my other half, I only wish our “discussions” had been half as witty as yours and Victors.

    Like

  70. Hopefully, it was a long trip.

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  71. your cat will TOTALLY sniff your eyeballs for you- mine do it all the time, creepy little bastages…

    Like

  72. My husband and I was discussing just yesterday what we thought eyeballs might smell like.

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  73. They have to smell amazing because I’ve heard of eyeball soup. Who in the hell would eat eyeball soup, unless it smelled amazing!

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    Taren recently posted Aliens vs. Zombies.

  74. You are hilarious.

    Like

  75. I want you to adopt me. That or smash a stick in my face. I’m a pinata. And I’m sure your eyeballs smell awesome.

    Like

  76. OMG! I nearly peed myself i laughed so hard! i’ve no idea what eyeballs would smell like..i’ve pretty much lost my sense of smell..

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  77. Well, duh, everyone knows that eyeballs smell like the backs of eyelids.

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    Lynne recently posted But I Have Cooler Slippers..

  78. I got married because he had great knives. But then his mother kept them. Thank you for giving me a good reason to stay together. Because obviously just being incredibly compatible and thinking he’s the coolest person I’ve ever met is not a good enough reason. Now I can ask him to smell my eyeballs.

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    Heather recently posted Sunday Celebration: Easy to Love, Hard to Love.

  79. After reading this, I made my husband smell my eyeballs. He says they smell like nothing, and doesn’t get why I’m laughing so hard. I told him “It’s the same woman with the giant chicken” and his response was “huh”. Unenlightened fool!

    Like

  80. Hysterical.
    My dogs sniff my eyes. They MUST smell like something.
    Spongy eyeball treats. Mmm Mmm good snackin’.

    Like

  81. I laughed till I peed.

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    Kathleen recently posted My Ideal Job.

  82. This is why I had a kid. Of course the kid is now 16. Her eyeballs smelled like make up. She sniffed mine and said they were not delicious. Damned kids.

    Like

  83. The eyeballs must smell delicious, its the first thing the cats will eat if you die with no one there to notice for several days. Not that I worry about that or anything.

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    LA Juice recently posted Staggering Sunshine of the Spotted Genius: “Vicious Circle, Jerk.” Edition.

  84. Oh! I see how this works (technology challenged). [My recent blog post called “My Ideal Job” is mainly about your job, and how you have it, not me. Please don’t hit me in the face with a stick.]

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    Kathleen recently posted My Ideal Job.

  85. “Eau de Yeux” has such a lovely cadence to it. Like something yodelers would wear. Or Nancy O’Dell and Adele. Or them yodeling a yodel about eux de yeux at a rodeo. Could you smell eyes over bullshit? That’s a question.

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    mrtl recently posted If You Ask a Five-Year-Old for Directions.

  86. I think eyes smell like formaldehyde like when they preserve bodies…you know, because that’s about the only time you’ll ever really smell them…if you were into that kind of thing.

    But now I’m going to have to go around asking.

    Like

  87. I remember very clearly what the sheep eyeball that I dissected in 8th grade smelled like, and it WASN’T formaldehyde! I don’t know that I could ever describe the smell, almost fishy (which would explain the cat interest), but so much more. I often find myself saying, “Hey, it smells like eyeballs in here!” and my husband just writes it off as my quirkiness. But its true! I smell that “eyeball” smell all the time!

    Like

  88. I am also told by the hubby that I’m on my phone too much. I will be using your dialogue as inspiration. Thank you!

    Like

  89. This is EXACTLY why there needs to be a reality show about you… or at least a documentary. At the very least, please pen a screenplay or a television script. NO, WAIT! A PODCAST!!!

    Like

  90. Do you know… I have had these very sorts of conversations with my husband. ^_^ He says he married a crazy person.

    Like

  91. My boyfriend and I have similar conversations, but he gets less horrified than Victor does. He just laughs at me. We drive about 5 hours each way to see his son every few weeks, so he has plenty of time to hear my madness. And my road rage, when I’m driving. Of course, he retaliates by saying “did you fart?” every time we go past the stinky cattle farm. Even if I am asleep and don’t want to wake up and smell the poo. Ain’t love grand?

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    Andrea recently posted Top 10 Reasons I Love Working in a Psych ER.

  92. You’re still upset about the pink towels, aren’t you?

    But you did make a valid point: if he wants conversation, he needs to initiate it. If he wants your attention, he’d better think twice about how he asks for it.

    Like

  93. 93
    Helen Van Patterson Patton

    My husband likes to wake me up in the morning by asking random questions repeatedly. No good morning, or anything like that, just “Where is my blue shirt?” over and over again. I will wake him up tomorrow sniffing his eyeballs. So I’ll let you know what they smell like.

    In other unrelated news, my father enjoyed his introduction to Beyonce last night. Then again, he likes to take people by this concrete statuary place (with a 5 1/2 ft concrete rooster) in town saying “I’m going to show you the biggest cock in Tulsa”.

    Like

  94. Oh, and I smelled boyfriend’s eyeballs, they just smell like the skin around them. He won’t smell my eyeballs. I explained I was reading The Bloggess again, and he understood why I was acting strange🙂

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    Andrea recently posted Top 10 Reasons I Love Working in a Psych ER.

  95. I love the way your blog site is set up. I think its so easy to navigate, and I can tell exactly where a new post starts. And the colors are fun and make the whole page pop!

    This blog was hilarious! I can relate so well with you, my BF does the same thing and then doesnt realize what hes in for hahaha. Youre very witty and hilarious, I deff going to be following more.

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  96. It seems to me that Victor should have known better by now, no?

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  97. I’d like to say that this is different from the conversations I have with my husband, but not by much.

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  98. If eyeballs smell… do you you think the brown ones smell better or worse than the blue ones??

    I’m betting worse………………

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    The Hubby Diaries recently posted Take That Irene!.

  99. Hey, I just wrote about tears (eyeballs) and it turns out when men smell tears their testosterone goes down. What wimps. I totally think there is a weapon to be made out of tears…or at least a I-can-get-you-to-do-anything-i-want perfume.

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    Kelly O'Sullivan recently posted Judge Me By the Size of My…Tear Ducts?.

  100. That wasn’t a hollow victory at all. That made Victor want to curl up in a little ball….and, when you are married, that is a great victory.

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  101. i, too, have oft been awoken by a cat peering at my closed eyes. samantha used to PAW at my closed eyes to wake me up. i always thought ‘oh, how cute! she knows my eyes open when i wake up, and she’s trying to wake me!’

    now i know better. she was trying to have a snack.

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  102. I love you!!!!

    Like

  103. I personally have never met anyone who said it smelled like unwashed hair in here. You know the strangest people, I swear! Congrats on your win, made even sweeter by the fact that you didn’t even know you were arguing. I love it when that happens!!

    Like

  104. Aw, I don’t get to have this argument with Alfred because we’re both terrible for having our phones glued to our (probably smelly) eyeballs. I guess we can have the argument with our son when he’s old enough to notice that we’re completely fucking ignoring him.

    Like

  105. I think it goes without saying that a lot of your readers are now going to add that to their future wedding vows.
    “…in sickness, and heath, and whenever you want me to smell your eyeballs…”

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  106. I bet your eyeballs smell like Nutella… YUM.
    If I ever meet you, I’m licking them because, obviously….

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  107. I think eyeballs probably smell like saline solution.

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    Jennifer recently posted Share Your Awesome, Really, Are You Serious?.

  108. OMG, I almost forgot… I was watching Phineas and Ferb with my son this morning and at one point in the show one of the kids yells out “Wolverines!” Like just out of the blue. It was in the Phineas and Ferb “movie.” I think you can get it on DVD at Walmart. It is close to the end.

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    Jennifer recently posted Share Your Awesome, Really, Are You Serious?.

  109. My husband uses drive time to lecture me. As in “you should clean more” or “Why aren’t you doing this” or “Why don’t you listen to me”… Apparently I need an IPhone? lol

    Needless to say, I try to keep lengthy car trips to the bare minimum, you’d be amazed at how much lecturing he can get in on a trip to the grocery store though!

    Like

  110. Um, isn’t Posey the suicidal looking one? So I think it’s more likely that your eyeballs smell like toxic gas or death or Hillary Clinton or something. That means every time you wake up and push Posey out of your face, you’re thwarting another one of his suicide attempts via eyeball sniffing. Basically you’re a hero. No big deal.

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  111. I bet they smell like they taste? You should ask Victor to lick your eyeball too.

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  112. And now I fear that I must ask my husband to smell my eyeballs. Thanks a hell of a lot.

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  113. I’m thinking my eyeballs probably smell like peanut butter…

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  114. I was thinking about this, because frankly I have that kind of time, and I realized that this is the kind of internal dialogue most women have going on at any given time. Men can’t compete with this. We’re thinking of three things at any given time: Sex, Beer or Sports…possibly beer sports or sex sports, or some other combination. We aren’t equipped to deal with this.

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  115. This sounds like a perfect question for Copernicus. Hands down.

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  116. Oh, that was a TOTAL win. You didn’t even have to try! Not only is it a win, but it’s a WINWIN. Those are rare, especially if you don’t know how to recognize them.

    It’s kind of like when you’re going somewhere with someone and you take separate cars. The other person might not know it, but you’re racing, especially of you end up winning. (If you don’t win, don’t mention it.) If you DO win, even if it’d because you ran a red light and a stop sign, barreled through a crosswalk and made a detour through someone’s yard, you have total and complete bragging rights. Use them.

    Now you’re going to race EVERYONE, even strangers who happen to be sitting next to you at a stop light. And you will feel AMAZING every time you win. I promise.

    I just made your day, and very possibly many days to come. You’re welcome.
    🙂

    Like

  117. Oh, that was a TOTAL win. You didn’t even have to try! Not only is it a win, but it’s a WINWIN. Those are rare, especially if you don’t know how to recognize them.

    It’s kind of like when you’re going somewhere with someone and you take separate cars. The other person might not know it, but you’re racing, especially of you end up winning. (If you don’t win, don’t mention it.) If you DO win, even if it’d because you ran a red light and a stop sign, barreled through a crosswalk and made a detour through someone’s yard, you have total and complete bragging rights. Use them.

    Now you’re going to race EVERYONE, even strangers who happen to be sitting next to you at a stop light. And you will feel AMAZING every time you win. I promise.

    I just made your day, and very possibly many days to come. You’re welcome.
    🙂

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    Maria recently posted I apologize for the rambling. Unless you're into that sort of thing. In that case, you're welcome..

  118. This is why we have to close our eyes when we sleep… because what with morning breath and morning gas and morning wood, we do NOT need to add morning eye smell to the list.

    Like

  119. I tried smelling my children’s eyes, smell just like saline mostly. Not sure why that appeals to cats. Maybe they dig the salt. LOVED this post!

    Like

  120. This is so awesome! This is similar to 90% of the conversations I have with my husband. He keeps threatening to make a twitter account called “Shit My Wife Asks”. I can’t help that I am inherently curious and that I wonder about stuff he doesn’t. I mean, why wouldn’t someone want to know why gummi bears are bears and not monkeys or yaks…I would totally eat gummi yaks! And the ‘discussion’ of such almost always ends with him saying, “You’re right. You win.” Just to get me to shut up about it. Which works sometimes.

    Thanks for sharing and making my husband and I laugh! You totally win. And now I want to know what eyeballs smell like.

    Like

  121. For the record, I feel like your question was a perfectly logical one to ask. I mean, who hasn’t wondered if their eyeballs smell or not?

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  122. They do say that silence is golden…

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  123. I bet Copernicus knows how eyeballs smell.

    Like

  124. I have never stopped to consider if an eye ball has any smell….now I am….damn I have to find someone to smell my eyeball!

    Like

  125. I am cracking up. That reminds me of the days when my nephew would ask me to smell his finger. I would dart in the other direction. I do wonder though about eyeballs and toenails.

    Peace, Love and Chocolate,
    Tiffany

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  126. AHAHAHAHA. I freaking love you. I laughed through this entire post. How dare he not be considerate enough to smell your eyeballs?!

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  127. Could you be any more awesome? I don’t think so. You are the awesomeEST!!! So funny I’m crying. Bet you thought I was gonna say peeing my pants.

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  128. This post reminds me of that old Mittens kitty thing: http://www.matazone.co.uk/animpages/kitty1.html

    maybe eyeballs smell like peeled grapes!

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  129. My dog sniffs my eyeballs every evening when I come home. It’s as if she can smell everything I’ve seen.

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    Cassie recently posted Jacobs Creek.

  130. You know… when I first stumbled upon this site a few months back I never really thought “you know, this Jenny person might actually be able to teach me something”. And even still I’m never really sure if I’m learning something new or just putting something away in the memory bank that I can throw back at my own unaware other half when I’m in the midst of putting up with his crap.

    Until today.

    Today when I read about smelling eyeballs something really spoke to me and as a result I opened a Google browser and typed in “what do eyeballs smell like?”. The result? A lot of people think their eyes smell like ass. But most importantly I now know that sneezes smell like honey and that a good way to tell if my kid has been smoking pot is if he/she starts taking a number of calls in private.

    And they say the internet is only good for porn.

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  131. You never fail at this humor shit, do you? It’s kind of defeating, really. I try and try to be funny and write ONE GOOD LINE and, before I can even pat myself on my back, you are just whipping that funny-ha-ha out left and right. That’s it. I quit. I’ll have to switch to a political blog. Or, even better, a blog about cats. I do believe that there aren’t enough pet blogs in the world…

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  132. mousebert is an eyeball smelling genius

    Like

    Alex@LateEnough recently posted Just Smoke A Little.

  133. Me: *giggling*
    My fiance: What?
    Me: The Bloggess. She had an awesome conversation with her husband in the car.
    My fiance: *raised eyebrow*
    Me: It started with her husband complaining that she never talks to him when he’s driving.
    My fiance: Oh no.
    Me: *laughing* I see that you’re familiar enough with the Bloggess to know that never ends well.

    Like

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  134. I’m kind of jealous… this is what I get in the car:

    Me: *totally engrossed in my Kindle or phone*

    My husband: “Dani! Look!”

    Me: *looking up* “What?”

    Him: “Never mind,”

    5 minutes later:

    My husband: “Dani! Look!”

    Me: *looking up* “What?”

    Him: *huuuuge sigh* “Never mind…”

    Ad nauseum.

    Like

    Dani recently posted facebooking from the edge...: Whoop there it is....

  135. his fault for asking….

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  136. –>After my Friday night, I think my eyeballs smelled like vodka but since vodka doesn’t smell it might have been the lemonade I mixed with it.

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  137. *Definitely* a win.

    Like

  138. i feel left out – i don’t have anyone to smell MY eyeballs… this is the real downside of being single.

    Like

  139. Tabby says that eyeballs smell like grapes stuffed with meat. It makes her just want to pop one and get the juicy meat out!

    Like

  140. I heart you so hard your honorable bloggess. Can I pretend that we are friends? I wont tell anyone. I just want to pretend for myself so we can talk in secret languages and build a tree house fort. But in my imagination.

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    Jackie recently posted Get Ready for Nightmares!!.

  141. I so gotta try some of these topics with my husband! Although usually I’m the one wanting to talk and he’s the one sitting in silence wishing I’d shut up. Maybe if I talked about whether eyeballs smelled good or bad he’d actually want to talk. Or he could want to file for divorce. Either way, it could be interesting. 😀

    Like

  142. You’re totally winning at the whole wife thing. You managed to have an argument without trying, and you won just by being yourself, that’s mad wife skillz.

    Like

    Metta (the letter m) recently posted Woo hoo, I slept in. Yes, that’s how exciting my life is..

  143. I once had this conversation with a girlfriend:

    Girlfriend: What are you thinking?

    Me: Nothing.

    Girlfriend: Of course you’re thinking *something*! It’s not like your mind is blank! I want to know what you’re thinking!

    Me: OK. I’m thinking about how Data says the date he graduated from Starfleet Academy in the first episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but a later episode gives a contradictory date for his graduation, and I’m trying to remember which episode that is.

    Girlfriend: …Oh.

    Me: When I say I’m thinking about *nothing*, what I mean is “nothing you’d find interesting.” Don’t ask questions if you’re not going to like the answers.

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    joshua m. neff recently posted Wanna Live Underground in the Third Age.

  144. Yes, your eyeballs do smell. I didn’t want to mention it at Mom 2.0, but I’m glad it’s out now.

    Like

    Marinka recently posted I’m Right, You’re Wrong!.

  145. I think you need to ask @kylecassidy about whether eyeballs have a smell. He’s the originator of the #morningCATface tag on Twitter. And someone started a website with the pictures: http://www.morningcatface.com/ .

    I suspect your explanation is close to the truth.

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  146. Huge win for you! This is hilarious.. I am glad I’ve found my way here..

    Like

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  147. You are a wackaloon. I mean that in the best sense, of course. You never fail to make laugh aloud, sometimes with a snort (pretty!) or possibly tears. You win AGAIN!

    Like

  148. I once gave my former boss a big jar of eyeballs for Christmas. Okay, they were plastic, but still I don’t know why it never occurred to me to open the jar and take a whiff. I’m just not awesome enough, I guess.

    Like

  149. I bet Copernicus could tell you what eyeballs smell like.

    Like

    Allie recently posted Because All Women Want to be Strippers.

  150. Maybe eyeballs smell like a stale sneeze. You know when a sneeze lingers?

    Like

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  151. My little dog smells my eyeballs so closely that I feel her mustache whiskers on my eyelids and somehow, whatever she smells tells her exactly when I need a snuggle.

    Like

  152. I always wondered that too. But mostly I wonder if noses have a smell or if they just smell of the things they have recently smelled.
    Once I for someone to smell my nose but it didn’t work, I suspect they didn’t even try. Some people just lack curiosity.

    Like

  153. Chalk this one up as another reason why I love you.

    You remind me of me!

    Like

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  154. I need to start talking in the car more.

    I tried to smell my son’s eyeballs, so that I could report back for you, but I think the eyeball smell was overwhelmed by the toddler boy smell. Or maybe the boy smell is actually eyeball smell. I DON’T KNOW. You’ve CONFUSED ME.

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  155. i think you and victor should get matching his and her blinking eyeball rings.

    http://thepirata.com/blinking-eye-ring/

    xoxo

    Like

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  156. So, does this mean teeth have an odor, beyond that derived from the disgusting soft tissue around them? Yikes, does aging enamel smell? Who will sniff my teeth…oh, come on…you know you wanna🙂

    Dean
    http://leftcoastguy.com

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  157. I’m glad you won, but now I, too, am curious as to what eyeballs smell like. You’ll have to come up with a covert plan to trick him into smelling them so we all can know.

    Like

    Momma Teacher Lady recently posted Save the Drama for Your Momma.

  158. Your blog makes me smile. I read it almost every day!

    Like

  159. That was fabulous. Like conversations I have with my husband, but much more functional.

    Like

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  160. OMG Just what I needed to read before work. Laughing at this. Hilarious!🙂

    Didn’t think eyeballs had a smell….. but if they do, I am sure that you will let us know.

    Like

  161. I love that I was on my phone in the car when I read this.

    Like

    Jen recently posted Happy Labor Day!.

  162. I was just thinking today that all I do in the car is play on my phone! (we took a 5 hour drive in the mountains today, and my phone did not work the whole way, so shut up)
    Also totally stealing the phrase: That’s the danger of not giving me a topic. It’s really his fault.

    Like

    Mary recently posted Root 1 Cabernet.

  163. Today I said to my husband, “I’m just trying to make conversation, gosh.”

    His response: “well, you suck at it.”

    He can’t get me to shut up. Although he has complained about me being glued to my phone…

    Like

    Gretchen recently posted How living alone, doggie duty, and safety may mean I see a fanny pack in my future.

  164. I HAD to comment on this specifically because of the kitty-sniffing-eyeball implications.
    My cat insists on sniffing my eyeballs on an almost daily basis. I bet they DO smell awesome. I don’t think delicious, as she hasn’t tried to eat them yet.
    In any case, that must be proof that they smell!!

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  165. The best fights to win are the ones where you don’t even know you’re fighting.

    Wait.

    I take that back.

    The best fights to win are all of them.

    Like

    Suniverse recently posted Belaboring the Point.

  166. Ooooo! Eyeball stories!

    I once had a lovely man from Laos politely suggest that I “taste” my cat’s eyeballs (he was rather baffled that I had a cat as a pet) because “they’re delicious.” I think he meant cat-eyes in general are delicious; not that he had any prior knowledge of my particular cat’s eyeball flavor. Disclaimer: this is not a generalization about the taste preferences of people from Laos. Note: I did not taste her (my cat’s) eyes, but not for lack of trying.

    Like

  167. Hubby smelled my eyeballs. He said they smelled nice, just like me🙂

    Like

  168. Smash my face anytime.

    Like

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  169. This is similar to the conversation I had with the fuzz when I got pulled over for looking at/typing on my phone while driving (which is illegal in Georgia), but substitute “fuck you, pig!” for “smell my eyeballs.”

    Like

    the muskrat recently posted how she’s fared since coming out of the closet.

  170. I’m wondering if my contacts would sort of hold in the smell of my eyeballs. And if they do, then when I remove them is there like a mushroom cloud of eyeball smell in the bathroom? I haven’t noticed it, but I’m going to try and pay better attention tonight.

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  171. I am completely mystified by your awesomeness.

    Like

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  172. Ha! I’m getting married in T-minus 2 months; keep these posts coming! I need this kind of tutelage to keep him guessing🙂 Victor is a very lucky (albeit perpetually confused) man.🙂

    Like

    LDiggitty recently posted North Korea meets the ... South..

  173. Also, I once licked an eyeball. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be, but I hear it’s much more interesting for the receiver than the giver.

    Like

    LDiggitty recently posted North Korea meets the ... South..

  174. I super wish you and Victor would adopt me and my husband, just so we could hear these conversations and witness the insanity firsthand.

    Seriously, thanks for making me laugh tonight, Jenny. I really, really needed it.❤

    Like

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  175. I guess I will think twice before I ask my hubby to talk to me while I drive.

    I laughed so hard though because this totally sounds like a conversation that I would have

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  176. I bow to your superior skill set. He could have retaliated by asking you to smell his balls………

    Like

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  177. Wow, haha… first thing I’ve ever read over here – and I loved it. Sounds like a fantastic relationship you’ve got going there. I’ll be back!

    Like

    Lady Grinning Soul recently posted The Adulterers: Part III.

  178. Hmmm…. I wonder what a pinata full of eyeballs smells like….

    Like

    Angela@BeggingTheAnswer recently posted Unfair Fortune.

  179. You . Are. So. Freaking. Funny.

    My family knows every time I’m reading your blog because I’m laughing so hard I’m crying…it’s always “Are you reading the chicken lady blog again?” And all I can do is nod and wipe my eyes. You make my day probably more often than not! And BTW, I have acquired two! Beyonces SO FAR…..

    Like

  180. Yes. Indeed. “You win. ” Words of wisdom.
    LOL

    Like

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  181. So my cats have always been eyeball sniffers. In fact, I just figured cats smell eyeballs like dogs smell butts. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul… so, one may conclude that cats are soul sniffers. Or maybe they just want to eat your eyeballs, but get confused with the lids making them disappear and all.

    Like

  182. My husband and I just had an odd version of role playing while lying bed. I read Victor’s part and he read your part of this lovely dialogue. As usual we couldn’t get through the whole conversation without laughing.

    Like

    Jennifer @ Also Known As the Wife recently posted That Bitch!.

  183. Right now I am in shit up to my eyeballs (I am sorry, that was so not intended). Anyway, your blog makes me laugh at a time I really need to laugh. Thank you for that.

    Like

  184. Eyeballs smell exactly like skinned testicles. Just ask Victor.

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted In your mid-50s? Your Plumbing Leaks.

  185. lmfao

    My Dad has a glass eye, and in high school he used to take it out and hide it in his friends’ lunches, usually in the mashed potatoes, but sometimes in yogurt, a drink, anything really. So his eye had a wide variety of smells, depending on what the cafeteria was serving that day. I think that’s why his dog liked his so much; he’d get leftovers out of my dad’s eye socket every day when Dad came home from school.

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  186. Freaking Genius!!!

    One day Victor should thank you for keeping him young or something like that🙂

    Thanks for all the laughs!!

    Like

  187. Best conversation ever! It actually sounds like the exact sh*t I would pull. Love it!

    Like

  188. Wow. I’m totally in love with you now. And I would smell your eyeballs for you in a SECOND, if you asked me, ’cause my boyfriend doesn’t understand my thought processes either.

    Like

    Aren recently posted Heeere I Come To Save The Daaay!.

  189. One time, an ex and I were talking about what it would be like to lick an eye ball and he dared me to do it and I dared him to do it and you can see where this story is headed. So while I cant tell you what eyeballs *smell* like, I can certainly tell you what they taste like – a dish sponge soaked with saltwater.

    Like

  190. I think this is part of your continuing effort to be an even bigger viral hit. How can I NOT tell my friends about this for the sole purpose of being able to share a running “Smell my eyeballs” joke with them?

    See? I’m on to you! And trust me, I have my smelly eye on you.

    Like

    Virginia Sanders recently posted Just an esty bitsy kiss.

  191. This sparked a very interesting conversation between my fiance and I. I went from smelling his eyeballs and concluding that they really don’t have much of a smell (except maybe like saline), to having a debate as to what the melting point of brains is. And then on to the melting point of nipples.

    Thank you for making my conversations so much more interesting. Also, if you Google, “What is the melting point of the human brain?”, you’ll get somewhere around 2 million hits and the first 2 pages are full of legit links. I can’t say the same for the melting point of nipples. No one seems to care that much about melting nipples. I intend to research these topics further.

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  192. You Know that Victor has quietly started a worldwide empire of eyeball deodorant and completely cut you out?

    Like

  193. Victor, Victor, Victor…. Just accept the fact that you are TRULY the luckiest man on the planet in that you will never EVER have to have a bored moment. Truly a blessing.

    Like

  194. Love the conversation and thanks for sharing it to us…

    Like

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  195. I kinda feel for Victor, but that’s like turning out for a cage match wearing oven mitts.

    My cats used to do that too, first thing in the morning. I thought they were just *helping* me wake up, you know, ’cause kibble doesn’t pour itself. Maybe it was my eyeballs. I hope I don’t dream about it.

    And now I’m wondering how many people will find themselves staring into the nostrils of loved ones because of your post.

    Like

  196. When I torture my husband with these kinds of conversations he closes his eyes and rubs his forehead. I live for the forehead rub. When he does it I know that I am still interesting! (and at least to me, funny).

    Like

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  197. NEW CARD FOR YOUR SHOP:
    “You’re like a magnificent pinata filled with such beauty,
    and all I want to do is just smash your in the face with a stick.”

    Like

  198. Mum and I are sitting in our room in Vegas, winding down for the night when I notice the new post. I laughed so hard while reading it my mum asked what I was reading. I said to her, ” Remember Beyonce the chicken post I sent you? Same lady, new post.”. So I read it to her best I could through the fits of giggles and tears streaming down my face. I am proud to report that my mother ALMOST shot Pina Colada out her nose. Well done Bloggess, well done!

    Like

  199. That’s it! I can not read you in the middle of the night anymore!! If I wake my family up one more time with fits of hysterical laughter, followed by details of your and Victor’s “arguments”that they truly have no desire of hearing because they obviously don’t have any idea of what funny really is, they are going to do me in and burry me in a shallow grave out back.

    Oh, this is too good not to share.

    Send for back up if you don’t hear back from me.

    Like

    KidLit aka Tracey recently posted Blogger M.I.A..

  200. This made me laugh so much. Thanks for making a wet miserable morning more bearable🙂

    Like

  201. I think I just found my twin. Oh my gawd!

    Like

  202. I’ve got to ask. When you go on a family outing do your kids act up in the back seat.
    He’s touching me?
    Am not?
    Yes your are?
    That kind of acting up.
    Or do they sit quietly, hand in laps, amazed at the conversation going on between you and Victor?
    I think traveling in your car would be delightful. Although maybe you have to be an adult to appreciate it!
    In my opinion a victory is a victory!

    Like

    Mary recently posted Welcome to the World Little One!.

  203. This is exactly how my blog came to exist! I am a very quiet passenger, but we had a long drive, so I decided I would just take that stream of consciousness and share every word of it. It was a very entertaining drive. For me, anyway.

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    unmitigated me recently posted A Sunday Post.

  204. It makes sense that eyeballs smell quite strongly, that’s probably why they’re situated just above the nose instead of just below it….

    Like

  205. That’s awesome, I am going to have to give that a try next time my husband complains about me always being on my phone!

    Like

    Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted F*ck You Fridays.

  206. Actually, I think Victor won. He got to be part of a spontaneous debate about eyeball aroma.
    mmmm

    Like

    El Guapo recently posted A random note….

  207. Eyeballs don’t have much odor (at least when not in the socket). They go thud and flatten when rolling off a table. (So you don’t think I’m too odd or a serial killer) I know this cause I dated a neuro-opthamology doctoral student while in nursing school and these questions came up over dinner once. The Health Sciences Center was a strange place to be in 19xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Like

  208. I must tell you that you are hilarious and the you are keeping a bunch of autism mama’s amused and sane. Thank you.

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  209. Smelly eyeballs were TOTALLY part of my wedding vows. But, you know, we’re Catholic. So there’s that.

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  210. I tried getting my husband to smell my eyeballs. You have a valid point that cats tend to sniff eyeballs; there simply must be an odor! My dog that is a little special likes to sniff eyeballs, too. Anyways, my husband insists that eyeballs absolutely do not have a fragrance unless they are decomposing.

    Like

  211. My cat loves sniffing my eyeballs at 3 am. Of course, she also loves to eat thumbtacks, so I don’t know if she’s the best source for eyeball aroma information…

    Like

  212. I suppose that explains why Sammy Davis Jr’s cat was only attracted to the right side of his face.

    Like

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  213. I’ve never been married so I have never been divorced, but surely there is a place on some form to check off “won’t smell my eye balls.”

    Like

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  214. I smell another t-shirt slogan opportunity here.

    Like

  215. Haha. This thread made me smell my three year old’s eyeball and he looked at me funny and then proceeded to ask me something totally unrelated. Probably about preschool or Power Rangers or something like that.

    Like

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  216. My daughter just had pink eye and her eyeballs smelled like week-old cheese left on the dashboard of a car in 90 degree heat.

    Julie
    ilikebeerandbabies.com

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  217. My husband says the exact same thing to me… and now I have a reply. Thanks!

    Like

  218. “Well, that’s the danger of not giving me a topic.” Oh. My. Freaking. God. You are awesome imbued!!!!! I laughed so hard, I cried. Then I emailed it to my husband downstairs, who said he laughed but didn’t cry.

    We have the reverse problem. I talk. He doesn’t. I give him headaches. He goes out to take it out on the lawn. Ah, marriage.

    Chelle

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  219. Victor is my hero if only because he is able to navigate a conversation like this to something like a conclusion.

    Like

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  220. My husband seriously needs conversation lessons from you and Victor!❤

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    Cheryl @ Coffee with Cheryl recently posted “What are you doing?”.

  221. okay here’s what you do. You have to get victor to smell some animals eyeball…but don’t let him know that that is actually what he’s smelling…like don’t people eat goat eyeball’s or some shit like that? Anywho, get him to smell that, catch him in the act, and start arguing about how he’s cheating on you with the goat eyeball and how that was NOT in the vows…and you’ve just won every argument for the next 7 months. boom.

    Like

  222. Thank you for being awesome. Thank you for sharing these lovely stories to make being back at work far more bearable – and even making me a distraction because I am laughing too loud (it is good for them – these people need to loosen up a bit). And thank you for giving me a little insight to what it might look like if I ever get married.
    Much love,
    B

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    B. in the Know recently posted Taking a Break….

  223. OMG, my cats are obsessed with smelling my eyeballs. I thought it was weird, but I think you’re onto something…

    PS – you rock!

    Like

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  224. *sniffs eyeballs*

    Yep, that explains it…

    My cat is always snufflin’ about my eyes when I let him get within paw’s reach.

    Bacon.

    Your eyeballs smell like bacon.

    Like

    awesomesauciness recently posted Just Something I Wrote.

  225. Maybe eyeballs smell like ginger snaps

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    Abby recently posted Say My Name, Say My Name.

  226. My eyeballs have a very specific smell, and I can tell when the smell different than they usually do. It’s easy. Just rub your eyes with clean hands, and then smell your hands! Use unscented soap when washing your hands.

    Like

  227. Marriage is just a cornucopia of aromas that get worse over time. One of the few blessings about becoming an ancient one is that you lose most of your ability to smell. And that explains why LOL’s all smell like they’ve fallen into a vat of lavender cologne.

    They can’t smell themselves.

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Who knew trouser snakes were real?.

  228. I asked my wife if I could sniff her eyeballs just after I told her I wanted to smash her in the face with a stick. She’s taken out a restraining order. Thanks.

    Like

  229. You two are simply amazing. Seriously. I think I want to be you when I grow up. Assuming I ever really get around to growing up.

    Also, I bet eyeballs smell a little bit salty. Like the taste of tears.

    Like

  230. You are just hilarious!

    Like

  231. Lmao!!! This is so how my husband and I are. I read this to him and he laughed so hard!

    Like

  232. this is the exact opposite of a hollow victory. This is like the gold medal round of the 100M dash in the olympics. Only probably with more doping. And if I get fired for howling out loud in my office, can I come live with you?!😀

    Like

  233. This sounds like me and my fiance. Only I am Victor and my fiance is you. I can’t help but to die of laughter.

    Like

  234. Clearly you are a twisted individual – in a good way. And I SO respect that. Thanks for making me laugh during an otherwise torturous day.

    Like

  235. This post is a great example of a marriage that works. My hubby and I have similar conversations, usually where I ask him wacky questions and he gives me funny answers. I’m pretty sure eyeballs don’t smell unless they’re decaying and then EW. I hope you and Victor send yourself into peels of laughter on a daily basis like we do. Hubby video’d me trying to open a bag of cereal (a challenge indeed) and going into a laughing jag. He plays it to cheer himself up and then plays it for me to get me laughing again. I’m an idiot and you’re too cool for school.

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    Chrisor recently posted Apparently, I like to hear myself talk..

  236. Duh, Victor. It’s like he doesn’t even know you.

    Like

    Megan, Too recently posted Now Open: The Thousand Words Store.

  237. When I read your blog I think of my friend Erica. You both have the same sense of humor. I really think y’all are long lost sisters.

    Like

  238. ‘Smell my eyeballs’, will be the new ‘pull my finger’.

    Like

  239. I once dissected a sheep’s eye in junior eye. That smelled like formaldehyde. Does that count? Oh, and my cat’s breath smells like cat food.

    Damn, I totally understand wanting to smash somebody in the face when they’re bursting with untapped potential and energy. And I’m always on my phone. Oh, and I also sometimes ride in the car while someone else is writing.

    We have SO much in common, Jenny. Can I stalk you?

    Like

    wagthedad recently posted 5 Things from My Vacation in Cyprus, or: Wag the Dad Be Back, Yo.

  240. My brother used to have a teacher who had a glass eye. Whenever he had to leave the class unattended he would pop it out and place it on his desk facing them, saying “Behave now, I’ve got my eye on you.” I guess it probably smelled like whatever they use to clean desks.

    Like

  241. In some countries, the eyeball is considered the “Eau de Toilette of the Nervous System”.

    Or, so I’ve heard.

    Like

    bschooled recently posted Blogvertisement- New Blog Sponsor.

  242. I see a common theme on your comments that everyone wants to stalk/be you. So I don’t feel nearly as creepy because I know I am in good company.

    That being said- with all the twitter talk of fires i have come to realize we live within at least 3 hours of eachother if not less. And I am going to go out on a limb and say there are probably more that live within that general geographic space, so we should all get together and have a party. The socially awkward social event of the year. Sounds like a winner to me =]

    Like

    Nikki recently posted The Thunder Monster..

  243. You are seriously one of my new all time favorite blogs! I love how you write and the things you say crack me up! Thanks for always being the bright spot in my day.

    Like

  244. When my husband says that, I start talking about shoes. Or my period. Or my friend’s period. But eyeballs? I’ll have to try that.

    Like

    Carri recently posted Head Like a Hole.

  245. Thanks for the giggles! You have a way with words. Never would I have thought to ask someone to smelly my eyeballs. So have to do it now!

    Like

    Tracy Flores recently posted Chapter I – The Perfect Summer.

  246. Lmao! I’d totally smell your eyeballs for you.❤😛

    Like

  247. 247
    dale in denver

    http://shine.yahoo.com/event/green/six-fascinating-facts-about-blinking-2535457/

    Saw this headline on Yahoo today. There’s no mention of eyeball odor, however.

    Like

  248. This is fucking hilarious! And seriously tempts me to ask a random stranger to smell my eyeballs… You are a horrible role-model, and I love you for that.

    Like

  249. Victor really should talk to my hubby. He could have been properly warned not to poke around in our brain-pans.

    The last time hubby prompted me to share what I was thinking I told him I wondered why there were no combination gynecologists/bikini waxers. It seems obvious to me that if you already have your legs up in the air for the world to see, you can kill two birds with one stone….and reduce the number of people seeing your unmentionables.

    The look he gave me implied he thought I was crazy-brilliant…..or more likely just touched in the head, now that I think about it.

    Like

  250. the next time someone is suffering with low self-esteem, i’ll be stealing the pinata reference.

    Like

  251. Laughing too hard.. sides hurt…can’t stop…

    Like

  252. “Eyeballs smell like a combination of acetic acid and the ocean. Unless you’re pickling eggs on the beach for a living, I dunno how often something is gonna smell like eyeballs.” -My friend, Sweeney.

    Like

  253. According to my fiancee, they smell like skin.

    He’s also sorta freaked out by me demanding he smell my eyeballs.

    Like

  254. Lindsay, it sounds great, but I have tgo admit that I’d feel awkward tipping my gynecologist.

    Like

  255. Smelling eyeballs is nice and all, but how do they TASTE?

    Like

    Rai recently posted Blood and Love and DDR.

  256. being a widow and all, i really miss those kinds of conversations. my late hatband, Ziggy of Ziggy’s Joke O’the Day was a master at the “are you daft or is this the new normal” eyebrow elevation. If you ever need to throw Victor out…he could easily be humored here. One weekend with us and he’ll run screaming back to smell your eyeballs!

    Like

    SJ recently posted Notes On A Decade.

  257. Hah! I am so stealing this concept for the next time my husband complains that I am on my phone, in the car. Seriously, don’t tell me to talk to you, but have nothing to talk about! (Or worse yet, hardly any response to what I am saying). Love this. And as we speak…I think my cat might be smelling my eyeballs! Mine might not smell good, as they are myopic.

    Like

    A Morning Grouch recently posted Dream #5: Kelsey Grammer, Swimming and Portobello Mushrooms.

  258. You have the most patient husband on the face of the earth.

    Like

  259. I just figured out how to win a war!! I was explaining this post to my husband (who has no appreciation for it) and explained further about the chemicals in womens tears that lower men’s testosterone. He asked what testosterone had to do with anything and I said that since it’s the man hormone (manmone) that if it goes down you are less man-grrrr. And then it hit me! To win a war, line up a bunch of crying women on the front lines. All of the men will experience significant drops in their manmones! See?? Women are the answer to stopping war!

    Like

  260. i think i’m going to go ahead and find someone to reenact this car conversation with. i’m positive it will benefit my existence.

    love this post!

    Like

    Whitney Soup recently posted Where is Whitney Soup?.

  261. Delightfully offtopic

    http://nh.craigslist.org/grd/2585835208.html
    YOU DON’T SEE MOUNTS OF THIS QUALITY OR AS HAIRY ON THE MARKET

    Like

    jenny recently posted A pretty barn photo..

  262. Thank you for making me laugh out loud! Did you smell his eyeball? I wonder if men’s smell different than women’s? hmmm

    Like

  263. What kind of husband won’t sniff your eyeballs??? This is — I know for a fact that this is included in the “in sickness and in health” bit of the vows. How will he know when your eyeball health is failing if he hasn’t sniffed them when they’re well? Seriously. Some people are so selfish.

    Like

    Ms Hazard recently posted Adventures in Babysitting (Part: “My Brother Doesn’t Read This Blog”).

  264. There you go again, wasting your husband’s hard earned money on eyeballs and smelling. It’s shit like this that causes hurricanes and keeps Bert on Project Runway. And? It smells like ass in here.

    Like

    Julie the Wife recently posted Freezer Rules.

  265. When I grow up, I want a marriage just like this. Except probably with more stabbing.

    Like

    Amber Deschamps recently posted Of Random Conversations involving Trogdor and Vagina Dentata.

  266. Aww…your exchanges with Victor are so sweet.

    (I wonder if in the midst of them the air crackles with the smell of eyeballs?)

    Like

    The Queer Next Door recently posted Where the Hell Have I Been??.

  267. aah the good ole smell of eyeballs in the morning :]

    Like

  268. So now I am wondering what a chicken eyeball smells like. Do you think Victor would smell your chicken? Wait.

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted In your mid-50s? Your Plumbing Leaks.

  269. This is hysterical! I laughed so hard, I ended up having to read it (edited) to my kids cause they (naturally) wanted to know what was making me laugh so hard I was crying. Oh Jenny. I love you. PLUS I got a job interview! It’s down to me & one other person. They’re checking references now. Yay! Only 9 months out of work. But whatever. I may get to go back to Alaska soon!!!!!!

    Like

  270. i really need to keep an inhaler in the computer room because this post (and to be honest, many others) gave me an asthma attack from laughing.

    Like

  271. 271
    christi speights

    I LOVE IT!!!! I have the same conversations with my husband. He just shakes his head.. I also have the most random dreams and when I tell him, He just shakes his head. I love it.

    Like

  272. OH…MY…”Goodness” (can you tell I survive in a politically-correct arena??)!!! I am CRYING here!!!! But think.. do you think… if an “everyday” guy read this…what would be the percentage of those males that actually understood “Point of Beginning…Point A…Point B…back to Point A ..again to Point B and then on to the Finale! Loved it! I need to share this with my daughter and daughter in law.

    Like

  273. I am going to totally work this in to the Yoga classes I teach! Thank you, namaste!

    Like

  274. Sending this to my brand new husband (as of saturday) right now. lol

    Like

  275. OMG this is great

    Like

    Melissa Straarup recently posted Cancer Walk 2011.

  276. Cats all covet our eyeballs. I can hear my cats plotting my demise all the time, just in the hopes that I will eventually succumb to their dastadly plots and murder attempts, so they can snack on my delicious eyeballs. That’s why they hide in dark places and jump out at you! They are secretly hoping we will have massive coronaries, and they can savor their delicacies. Lunatic felines!

    Like

  277. I really think you might be the key to getting me through another murder free school year! I’m in the staff room howling with laughter. I’m sure the kids in the hallway can hear me. Hahahahaha! Btw – I would so do something like that to my husband.

    Like

    Keri recently posted WIP Wednesdays – I Really Need to Figure Out This Spinning Thing.

  278. Lol…nice one mate!

    Like

    tumul from @jokes and stories recently posted If You Love Her Enough.

  279. I bet my eyeballs smell like make-up….

    Like

    Ki recently posted Queen for a Day.

  280. JENNNNNYYYYY (I bet you never get old of that) (That probably didn’t really translate well – you have to say it in the Forest Gump voice) (Are you tired of it now?)

    Seriously though, I was JUST thinking about body parts the other day – as in – you’re an ass, you’re a dick, you’re a boob. Who decided that asses, dicks and boobs are the worst body parts? I can live with a pain in my ass…but a pain in my wrist? HOW WILL I EVER LOG INTO TWITTER AGAIN? Much worse, in my opinion.

    From this moment on I’ve decided that the worst body parts are ears and second are wrists. Because ears have holes and wrists don’t and calling someone an earhole makes more sense than calling someone a wristhole (wrists don’t have holes). “Only offensive to earholes” should be your new tagline.

    Am I drunk?

    Like

    teri recently posted Raising awareness: you're doing it wrong..

  281. This is totally a conversation my husband and I would have in the car…but he plays along with my crazy. However, I would like to caution you that Posey may not be smelling your eyeballs so much as trying to steal your breath as in the classic Stephen King movie short, “The Cat’s Eye” or rather trying to protect you from the tiny, evil troll who lives behind the skirting in your bedroom.

    Like

  282. You are every kind of awesome. It always makes my day to read your posts.

    Ya know, my husband sometimes offers to lick my eyeballs for me. I think it’s because he likes the horrified look that follows the offer.

    Like

  283. I don’t know about eyeballs, but I can always tell if someone’s been using my pillow because it smells of *face*. No, REALLY.

    Like

    Chronicus Skepticus recently posted Firsts.

  284. My stepdad used to work with the Arkansas Eye Bank. Harvesting the eyes of deceased organ donors. I came home bany times to eyes in the fridge. It was gross, but I dont recall a particular smell. So yeah, humans are probably immune to the smell.

    Like

  285. I keep reminding my boyfriend that like beauty, true, unadulterated “fabulousness” has a price. This made my day – thanks!

    Like

    Kimicalreaction recently posted We are Martial.

  286. yeah, i love you. lol

    Like

  287. So last night, our 5 year old was sad and she told daddy it was because she couldn’t smell her eyeballs. Where the hell did that come from? If she could read and happened to look over my shoulder when I’d read this, it would make sense.

    Like

  288. This is wonderful, thanks for posting!🙂

    Like

    Sarah recently posted The history of pets..

  289. been devising new ways to weird out coworkers and the next one will be using “it smells like eyeballs in here.” or some variation of it at some point. I thank you. I send you creepy mind hugs to you because I’m too poor to pay you royalties.

    Like

    clevelandpoet recently posted The one where I’m an alien.

  290. They can! They can! They totally smell your eyeballs! And it gets weirder, they hold the smell inside of their mouths. Yikes.
    http://www.pawesome.net/2011/01/why-oh-why-does-my-cat-smell-my-eye/

    Like

  291. That conversation has inspired me to ask that sort of random question to my GF. This is going to be fun!

    Like

  292. I always forward your cat posts to my friend Ellie because she sends me cute and fuzzy kitty stuff all the time, to which I reply, “Gee, thanks. I luhhvvvvv cute and fuzzy kitty stuff.” But she knows I don’t, so she sends more. Really, the only cat stuff online that makes me laugh is your cat stuff. Like This. I love you, man.

    Like

    kim recently posted harvest.

  293. I just found this blog and can I just say I DIE! Between the eyeball smelling and the 5 foot metal chicken, I am suprised I haven’t peed myself yet. You are hysterical and your marriage sounds like pure love and fun! Keep it all coming, I can’t wait to check back in for a good laugh!

    Like

  294. My eyeballs smell like Pine Sol. They also burn. Any suggestions?

    Like

    Robin H recently posted Digits.

  295. Can I please just tell you that my dogs ALWAYS smell my eyeballs?! The one prefers smelling eyeballs to giving kisses. And sometimes they kiss my eyeballs. So they must smell delicious.

    Like

  296. It took me about 10minutes to read that because I had to keep stopping and wiping the tears of laughter away so I could continue…HYSTERICAL!!!

    Like

  297. I never comment b/c I’m not funny, but I always laugh and want to tell you I love you. In a good way.🙂

    Like

  298. My husband read this, leaned over, smelled my eyeballs, and said they smelled delicious.

    Like

  299. Totally off topic, but I feel like you must see this woman’s entry into the American Apparel “Big Gals can buy stupid pants too!” contest: http://extrawiggleroom.tumblr.com/page/2. This woman is now WINNING the contest. And I could cry with joy. Or maybe I got Ranch dressing in my eyes.

    Like

    Dani Nordin recently posted Talking about Web Type with Jason Pamental.

  300. cant breath. This is Priceless. I was laughing so hard I had to force myself to stop so I could take a breath before continuing to read.

    Like

  301. Shoot now I’m sitting here wishing that someone would tell me what my eye balls smell like!

    Like

  302. I have to stop reading this with other people around….or learn to laugh quieter🙂

    Like

  303. I have no idea what my own eyeballs smell like either.

    But I CAN tell you that my boyfriends left and right eyeball taste different. Which is kind of weird don’t you think? I think there is a serious lack of research into eyeball taste.

    Go on. Try licking Victor’s. It’s probably easier if you surprise him, but he’ll thank you later.

    Like

    Jelly recently posted How Facebook made me sniff glue. Not really though..

  304. Eyeballs do smell! If you do laser surgery on them, they smell like just like burnt hair. Yes, I have smelled (smelt?) my own eyeballs BURNING.

    Like

    karenology recently posted Borderline Friends.

  305. I fucking love this conversation. And yes! You won! Now you can play on your phone undisturbed. YAY!

    Like

    Old School/New School Mom recently posted Get Out Of My Bed And Into Yours.

  306. If you even see this comment in all your (currently) 304 comments, I’m honored. But I HAD to tell you this: Yesterday, my nearly four year old grandson went right up to my daughter and said “Smell my eyeballs”. He and my daughter have never heard of you or your blog. But I immediately cracked up and told them about reading this post. So, you are not alone. And you have the mind of a three year old. I mean that in the nicest possible way – really, I do! Hilarious!

    Like

    Claire recently posted Can You Hear Me Now?.

  307. Dear Bloggess,
    A friend just introduced me to you. You are fucking hilarious.
    And I TOTALLY blame you for the reason that I have been 100% impeded from getting to work this morning.
    Damn you, Bloggess. And keep it coming.
    I will be your love slave forever,
    Shelley

    Like

    Shelley recently posted Giving Back to Get.

  308. Don’t know about smell – but my cat has woken me up the last two nights by licking my eyelids.

    She also drinks from the toilet and eats the dogs food so there could be bigger issues.

    Like

    Randi recently posted It's that most wonderful time of the year.

  309. Oh dear God… this is F*ing awesome. And so, so true of marriage. If Victor ever angrily divorces you over Beyonce or Copernicus or any other crazy hysterical thing you bring home or do, I would so marry you. I’m not a lesbian, I just think you’re awesome. Keep on rockin’ it!🙂

    Like

  310. You know what? I would *totally* smell your eyeballs. *grin*

    Like

  311. Just pure hilariousness! 😀

    Like

  312. I love you. I really do. This is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! EPIC WINS all the way around.

    Like

  313. Seriously I don’t think I can laugh anymore…..You 2 need your own sitcom.

    Like

  314. I asked my husband if I could smell his eyeballs. His response was…”maybe later” haha

    Like

  315. A victory is a victory, it makes no difference how you got it!!!

    Like

  316. Jenny,
    I never know quite what to say other than-you are awesome. I’ve never wondered about it. But now I am determined to find out if my eyeballs smell…

    Like

    elz recently posted Craft Day- Silhouette Success!.

  317. Nothing makes me laugh out loud more than reading your blog!

    Like

    Jennifer {The Vintage Chain} recently posted Disney Trip Report - Oct. 2010 - Day 1- Arrival/Downtown Disney.

  318. i ask my husband to smell things all the time. he pretends he can’t hear me. i know i’ve implanted a though and he’s going to smell them while i’m sleeping. creep.

    Like

  319. I tend to agree that it’s because she misspelled your name. Some teachers and real grammar Nazis you know.

    Like

    The Nerdy Nurse recently posted Working as a Nurse Informacist: Am I Still a Nurse?.

  320. Just read this blog. I turned to my husband and said”Do my eyeballs smell?” He: WHAT? I said innocently again, “do my eyeballs smell?” He: What the hell kind of question is that? He turned to me and actually sniffed my eyeball. He thought he was finished until I said, “wait, what about the other one?” He: looks at me as if I have gone completely insane but DOES smell my other eyeball. Mission Accomplished.

    Like

    Laurie F. recently posted Never, Ever Do This.

  321. LOL…That conversation is really funny..You made me laugh…LOL…

    Like

    Michael recently posted Computer Security Software.

  322. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that thinks like you, although I *will* have to smell my husband’s eyes tonight. I’ll tell him why. He’ll just laugh. He married me because of who I am. It’s all good.

    Like

  323. Ah ha ha! I just discovered you! This is so FUNNY, my ribs hurt and my smelly eyeballs are watering smelly tears all over my keyboard.

    thanks. a lot.

    Like

  324. You’re awesome!

    Like

  325. Ok so I just gotta say that between this one and the Chicken post i about peed my pants in my office and now my co-workers are walking round wondering why I’m crying with a mascara stained face and wet pants, THANKS A LOT!! (addicted, thanks!🙂

    Like

  326. Bet he would have done if offered a little incentive….you eye up his balls, perhaps?. Just a thought.

    Like

    HerMelness Speaks recently posted More From The Black Widow Chronicles: Supermarket Shopping, The Sixth Stage Of Grief.

  327. Our cat loves to wake us up by licking our eyes…so they must smell awesome!

    Like

  328. I am an “inside” laugher. I’m not one of those chuckling, loud, have to make a sound kind of laughers. I’m not sure why, but I just don’t laugh out loud. I’m 44 and I’ve rarely laughed out loud. THIS made me laugh out loud. I’m being serious. I’m sitting alone in my home office laughing out loud. I’ve scared my 2 dogs – they have no idea what this sound is that I’ve just made. Where have you been all my life – I can’t believe I found you only yesterday. I’ve got lots of reading to do….I can’t wait!

    Like

  329. I would be willing to smell your eyeballs for you… because that’s what friends do. Or serial killers… who chop up body parts and store them in the deep-freeze. But I’m totally not a serial killer. Trust me on that. Bahaha!

    Like

    Amanda Cole recently posted new kid on the (kickboxing) block….

  330. This was fantastic! I really needed a laugh like that today. Thanks!

    Like

  331. You make me cry. In a good way. Thank you so much for the random crap because I laugh so hard it hurts!🙂

    Like

  332. As I was reading this my husband was setting up his new computer. The more I read, the more I laughed. The longer his computer took, the more frustrated he got. Finally, I was laughing so hard I had tears. He took his computer and left the room, stating there was too much happiness coming from my end of the couch!!!!

    Like

  333. I could not stop laughing I called 3 friends around the country and I am now your new fan and will definitely be following you regularly. You are freakin Hilarious.!!!

    Like

  334. I’m a total stranger to you but that seriously is probably one of the most awesomest conversations I have ever read. Silly but somehow thought-provoking…and funny!

    Like

  335. OMG I am cracking up at work (with our no personal internet usage rule – where I am totally going to get busted and fired)!!! I now totally believe that when I wake up because my cat has licked my eyelid is because THEY DO SMELL DELICIOUS!!! And yes that is EXACTLY why we get married!
    ? Shia

    Like

    Shia recently posted The Men of True Blood.

  336. I used to have two cats and I’d frequently wake up to find them them standing at my head staring at me. I’d then have to inform them that I wasn’t dead yet and they couldn’t eat my eyeballs. Just so they knew.

    Like

  337. This is how I know my hubs loves me… I asked him to smell my eyeball and he did it! He wanted me to let you know that they smell like a combo of “nothing” and soap. But he thinks the soap smell was just my makeup. So his official conclusion was that eyeballs smell like nothing.

    Like

  338. OMG! That was hysterical!!! Like the old saying goes….careful what you ask for, you might just get it….

    Like

  339. This post, as most of your are, is full of such awesomeness! That conversation was fantastic! I love how your mind works.

    Like

  340. I forgot to add…I sometimes wake to find my fat cat licking my eyeballs. He could be trying to eat my eyelashes. It could be my makeup. However, I love your theory that your eyeballs smell delicious so that’s what I’m goin with. Mine must too. :0)

    Like

  341. For a friend in danger of losing track of her awesome I recommend:

    http://www.pigtailpals.com/fullofawesome.html

    and a copy of the linked blog post.🙂

    Like

  342. This post really opens up my day..I am glad I have found this…

    Like

    Chery Shive recently posted dental insurance rate.

  343. I happened to walk into the room this afternoon and “Mad Bout You” was on TV. Just as I sat down, Paul says to Jamie “Smell my eye.” It’s right there in Season 1, Episode 4. And this post was the first thing I thought of when I heard that line.
    You’re apprently not the only one who’s curious about this.

    Like

  344. 344
    Michele Hurst

    Bwahahahahaha! Oh! I just peed my pants!

    Like

  345. They _have_ to smell. I refuse to live in a world where they don’t. I think however, that the odor changes depending on the situation. For example when I got dumped by my prom date, three days before prom, my eyeballs smelled of bitter tears. Today they’re more of a “why am I so awesome” fragrance.

    Like

  346. was there a point to this Or are you just a crazy. I’ve heard more coherent conversations from homeless crack heads.

    Like

  347. LOL…I really like this!!~,~

    Like

    Anjieline recently posted how to grow muscle fast.

  348. Since I think cats are evil and have superpowers that they never use for good, I agree they can smell eyeballs. And, evil creatures that they are, I would not be surprised if they eat eyeballs.

    Like

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted How to Make Good Things Happen.

  349. 349
    that_darn_kat

    OMG, I can’t breathe and I’m crying because I’m laughing so hard. You are one funny lady!

    Like

  350. 350
    Nicki in ATX

    Late to the game here, but how about smelling spicy brains? An oldie but goody: http://www.matazone.co.uk/animpages/kitty1.html

    Like

  351. Proof once again that men should not interrupt while wife using beloved iPhone.

    DH asks why I am laughing, so I read him part of this post. He gives me a strange look (are you high right now?) so I read him the end. (You know what? You win. Go back to your phone.) ge rolls his eyes and leaves the room.

    Like

  352. OMG I am still laughing! You nailed this one. Abd yes, my cat likes my eyes. I guess they smell like cat treats.

    kathi h

    Like

  353. I just asked my husband to smell my eyeballs and he said There’s no fucking way I’m smelling your eyeballs, Heather. He just linked your blog to me today so I thought he would go for it. No dice.

    Like

  354. Of course eyeballs smell – oh Victor how can you be so doubting. My dog is forever smelling my eyeballs – its like her reminder to me that I forgot to wash them in the shower that morning.

    Like

  355. Thanks for your marvelous posting! I actually enjoyed reading it, you might be
    a great author. I will be sure to bookmark your
    blog and definitely will come back someday. I want to encourage one to
    continue your great writing, have a nice afternoon!

    Like

    Maude recently posted Maude.

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