Let’s call the whole thing off.

I can’t sleep so I’ve decided to re-write the chorus to one of my favorite songs, “Let’s Call The Whole Thing Off“.  I’ve had too much to drink so I can’t even tell if it’s funny or not.  I apologize for that.

 

You say “tomato.” I say “tomato.”

This analogy doesn’t translate well on paper.

*****

I say “eclectic.”  You say “epileptic.”

You need a dictionary.

*****
I say “frustrated”.  You say “flustrated”.

I’m going to stab you now.

*****
You say “color.” I say “colour.”

No one ever notices because the “u” is silent.

*****
You say, “How do you pronounce ‘indefatigable‘?”  I say, “I don’t know.  I’ve only seen it in books.”

We agree to just say “energetic” from now on.

*****
I say “conflagration.”  You say “What – is this a job interview?  What’s with all the five-dollar words?  You sound totally pretentious.”

I throw one of your favorite shoes in the trash.

*****

I say “I’m sorry.”  You scream, “WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?  I HAD $100 HIDDEN IN THAT SHOE.”

I explain how banks work.

*****

You say “I can’t deal with this bullshit”.  I say “Are you referring to this indefatigable conflagration?”

We agree to see other people.

*****
You say “Don’t eat those.  They’re poisonous”.  I say “What?”  You say, “Never mind.  Too late now.”

I die of intestinal distress.

242 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I’d prefer this version if Miley Cyrus was the one dying of intestinal distress.

    What’s the drink of choice tonight?

    Like

    DogsOnDrugs.com recently posted Don’t Say I Never Help You With Anything.

  2. Chambord snowcone.

    Like

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted Let’s call the whole thing off..

  3. Then I say ‘putter’ instead of ‘wander around aimlessly’ and somebody assumes I love golf and I have to leave suddenly because I actually hate golf.

    Like

    Kirsten recently posted This is probably Tolkien's fault.

  4. Step 1: Insomnia
    Step 2: Absurdist songs
    Step 3: ???
    Step 4: PROFIT!

    It’s worked for Weird Al Yankovic!

    Like

    joshua m. neff recently posted The Road Taken, So Far.

  5. Classy with the Chambord… I usually just go for straight vodka…

    Like

  6. Now I’ve got this song stuck in my head. Thanks…I think.

    Like

    maddie recently posted not a must have but definitely cool.

  7. I want to scream when I hear flustrated too, and “right quick” what is that?

    Like

  8. I need to go check Urban Dictionary to make sure Kirsten isn’t using a euphemism.

    Like

    Houston recently posted General Grumpus.

  9. I want to stab people in the ear when I hear “Acrosst” or “Irregardless.”

    You say tomato, I say RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR!!!

    On a side note, I want to see you hosting one of these Presidential debates. The questions you’d ask and the retorts you’d dish out would make brains explode. …for those that have brains, that is…

    Like

    Brandon recently posted Halloween is Quickly Approaching.

  10. Just recently I had an online disagreement with someone. It ended thus:

    “you say tomato, I say toma- fuck. That really doesn’t work in print. Basically you’re wrong and you sound like an idiot.”

    Like

    Desertbell recently posted Best of the Week 9/24/11.

  11. Hillarious, and I’m sober!!! But… my sense of humour is a little warped (yes that’s how I spell humour, build a bridge)

    Like

  12. Is this another “Hug” vs. “Strangle” debate? Cause I’m totally fucking failing it right now.

    Like

    Tazer WP recently posted Reasons I’ll Probably End Up Being a Crazy Cat Lady.

  13. Also, is it really just a snow cone with Chambord drizzled (or poured) over the top or is it a fancy drink?

    Pardon the ignorance; but again, straight vodka here…

    (It really is a snowcone with chambord poured over the top. Eaten with a spoon. I recommend. ~ Jenny)

    Like

    Mimi recently posted Pierogi Party - Part 2 - Everything Else.

  14. Somehow this seems like a fight-with-Victor crystalized into a poetry format…

    Like

  15. P.S. what’s up with “You might could do it” ? That one seriously flummoxed me!!!

    Like

  16. Sounds legit to me.

    Like

  17. That last one belongs in 8lbs of Uncut Cocaine, you know. Most of them towards the bottom of the lists do actually – that might correspond with how close that straw was to the bottom of that snowcone?

    Like

  18. i’m going to stab insomnia…

    Like

    emily illinois recently posted Spider germz.

  19. Aaaaaand my mind-numbing work day thanks your win- induced insomniac ramblings…..
    You say sidewalk I say footpath (now)
    You say cell phone I say mobile (NOW)
    You look at me strangely when I say jumper (the one you wear in winter, not off a bridge, it’s all so confusing)
    I refuse to say al-u-min-e-um, it’s a-lum-a-num damn it
    That is all (FOR NOW)

    Like

    JJ recently posted …with sprinkles on top.

  20. “I throw one of your favorite shoes in the trash.”

    This is how I’m going to end all my arguments from now on, regardless of who I’m arguing with and whether they’re wearing those shoes or not.

    You’re hilarious. Thanks for posting, because I was up and I missed all my favorite TV show and they don’t go on Hulu until tomorrow.

    Like

    Brian recently posted The day I learned the consequences of holding hands with my girlfriend.

  21. I’ve never understood that song. We pronounce things differently, so let’s break up? I mean, as much as I like George and Ira Gershwin, they had some pretty fucked up ideas of how to run a relationship.

    Cole Porter on the other hand, knew his relationship stuff. Of course, he was gay. That probably helps.

    Like

    Andi recently posted Progress of a Sort.

  22. There are so many comments here I wish I could “like” like on Facebook😉

    Like

    Natalie recently posted Good Wine, Good Friends…Good Cause.

  23. When I can’t sleep…like now I bake. Or in my case I’m making fancy chocolates.😀 Also having many cocktails…minus the slush. Just vodka please!

    Like

    Lesley recently posted Fairy Tales: Smurf Cakes and Fairy Sugar.

  24. What about coupon verses Q-pon… because people like to screw up the english language!

    Like

    Leila (Don't Speak Whinese) recently posted What if Someone Wished Harm or Possible Death on Your Special Needs Child?.

  25. Fucking brilliant.

    You could totally be one of those performance poets (slam poets).

    Like

    Corinne recently posted Camping.

  26. You say “don’t buy towels…” I say “knock knock motherfucker!”
    What about “ideals” instead of “idea” or people who shop at “WalMarks”?

    And by the way, Pina Colada snow cones make with Malibu Rum are YUMMY!

    Like

  27. ZOMG, chambourd snowcone?!?! Can I move in next door to you? I’d feed Beyonce while you were traveling. And *probably* not empty your liquor cabinet.

    Like

  28. I had this song stuck in my head until Lori Jo said the word legit.

    Now I’m too legit to quit.

    Like

    Leila (Don't Speak Whinese) recently posted What if Someone Wished Harm or Possible Death on Your Special Needs Child?.

  29. Oh, a dollar for every time I’ve been on the receiving end of “Nevermind, too late now…” And, now, for some reason, I want ice cream. Great.

    Like

  30. You say “ass”, I say “arse”.

    Either way if I hear one more person say “whatnot” they’re gonna feel my boot up it.

    Like

    Jamie Veraldi recently posted I've turned into twisted version of my mother.

  31. I say you’re awesome, even if that song is now stuck in my head😀

    Like

    Lex recently posted Random Tuesday Thoughts Vol. 46 -- Scatterbrain.

  32. Do not get me started on pronunciation over here with you ‘bloody Americans’😉
    as in its
    http://www.bywordofmouthmusings.com/2011/09/niche-like-quiche/
    not nitch like …

    Like

    By Word of Mouth Musings recently posted Just be Yourself. Wordy Wordless Wednesday.

  33. it’s late, i’m drunk, and i can’t sleep either. and instead of writing anything creative like you, i check your blog for a new post.

    hang in there, kid. i’d be willing to bet that for a fair number of people, your musings are the bright spot in our day!

    so thank you – all anybody needs is one bright spot!

    Like

  34. So um, what are you drinking? ‘Cause I think I’ll have what you’re having.

    @Leila: I read Q-poRn and was confused, but also very intrigued. So I googled it. Wouldn’t you know it, it’s google-able.

    Like

    TriGirl recently posted I Brought My "Eh" Game.

  35. I type ‘indireneed’ my iPad corrects it to ‘insurances’ and then I punch someone in the undies.

    Like

    Jelly recently posted The problem of identity. Also: writing this philosophy essay sucks.

  36. Fucking insomnia.

    Like

  37. How have I missed this party?! Nobody told me this is what insomniacs do at night – drink and write laughable things. My many sleepless nights could have been a lot more interesting. Also, drinking might cure half the reason for my insomnia… “shall we have some rum, sweet little daughter of mine?”

    Like

  38. I’m sure it’s not only that it’s late, and I’ve had too much to drink, too, that I’m emitting what would be called a Hearty Chortle here.

    Like

    Jocelyn recently posted “Drop the Damn Fork!”–Jean Nidetch (Weight Watchers Founder).

  39. Oh, Jenny, my love…you forgot one of the biggest.

    You say, “I must’ve left the toilet seat up unconsciously,” and I say “Much like I will SUBconsciously knock you the fuck out in your sleep if you do it again.”

    Like

    Mel recently posted The Power of a Woman.

  40. ps I have one word…..

    Lorazapam

    Now imagine that 1 word 5 feet tall in flashing neon. Oh whats that? I hear my bed calling me now

    Like

    Jamie Veraldi recently posted I've turned into twisted version of my mother.

  41. One of my favorites is when “irregardless” is adverbized. Irregardlessly. Mmmm.

    Also, my grandmother says “been gonna” and pronounces “shr” words sans “h”. It is all I can do to avoid giggling when I hear her order “srimp”. My mother glares at my father because it’s all his fault that I’m disrespectful. But really, it was a group effort.

    Like

    Nadia Gortova recently posted Editing and Documenting.

  42. Mental Floss beat you to the first one:
    http://www.mentalfloss.com/store/You-Say-Tomato-T-shirt/

    Like

  43. Jenny,

    I’m starting a gang and so far you and Joel Stein are in it. I’m going to need you to get a tattoo on your face.

    I may have also had too much to drink on occasion, and then took Ambien tweeted at you and some stupid guy with a mustache who I don’t even know. It seems that I’ve landed on my feet, much like Polly.

    Ok, IN-DEE-FAHHH-TEEE-GAHBLEH!

    And we are going to be in Time Magazine this Friday. Or so Joel tells me.

    Like

    GirltoMom- Heidi recently posted A Prayer for Another Woman’s Son.

  44. Your drink sounds as good as the ones I get from the drive-thru at Daquiris To Go in Louisiana. My favorite is called Starburst. You can even buy it by the gallon, but I usually just get a half gallon. After a while I run around yelling “TASTE THE FUCKIN’ RAINBOW!” That’s not nearly as funny as your post.

    Like

    Dana Strange recently posted Brilliance.... free like library books!.

  45. Argh. I seriously want to stab everyone who says ‘acrosst’

    And of course, when I call them out on it, they disclaim any knowledge of ever saying it.

    Like

    Jeff recently posted darthgeek: @jxtpsd Pretty sure they speak English there, among other languages.

  46. I say “soda.” You say “pop.” Which is why I had to leave the Midwest. That, and all the Republicans.

    Like

    alonewithcats recently posted Notes on a scandal: How my shameless childhood tattling led me to pursue a career in journalism.

  47. Jamie- 4mg.Lorazapam,15mg. Flexeril,25mg.Savella,
    still awake 3 hours later,*listening* to some stupid
    french film…what else ya got?

    Like

  48. Somehow I don’t think this is how the Marx Brothers got started. Still, I’m sure it annoys the hell out of Victor. So there’s that.

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted Okie DNA Downunder.

  49. Like you, I’m drunk. But unlike you, I have no idea WTF you’re talking about.

    Like

    Carri recently posted #iPPP: You Have Something on Your Face.

  50. 50
    Jennifer Becker

    You say ovulating, I say olivating…after a few martinis. (Actually, I was thinking this earlier today. I hadn’t any martinis, but work had been rough and maybe I needed one. I never get around to drinking even when my friends insist I should be.)

    Like

  51. Funny. I dare you to put it in a vlog (drunk or not – your choice).

    Like

    Robin | Farewell, Stranger recently posted Beating Cancer With Love.

  52. Jamie-

    4mg.lorazapam,15mg.Flexeril,25mg.Savella…
    Still awake *listening* to a weird french film
    three hours later…got anything else?

    Like

  53. Ha…did it twice.~Debra

    Like

  54. It’s funny. Don’t worry.

    Like

    Karen recently posted Conversations With Boy Child - Daddy Goes To Work. AGAIN..

  55. 55
    pinatasgotthebat

    I’m not the sharpest spork in the drawer by any means, but shit like this makes my BRAIN BLEED. To, two & too; there, their & they’re; and my new favorite, guys & guise… As in, “Hey you guise!” SERIOUSLY?! And to think, if I hadn’t sold my Snoopy Snow Cone Machine in the yard sale, I could be doing shots with you instead of weeping for the future.

    Like

  56. I agree with the irregardless, but one word that’s been a pain in my brain is when people say they’re going to go make themselves a sammich. Seriously?? WTH is a sammich?? I’d MUCH rather have a sandwich, as they are generally healthy and you know what the ingredients are!

    Like

    Jennifer recently posted Horoscopes for Horses.

  57. you need to drink more often.

    Like

    Goradde recently posted Them cables..

  58. In my mind I pronounce “erudite” like “crudite”, so I’m totally screwed if I ever need to actually use the word erudite in conversation. What I’m trying to say is that some words are just better off not spoken. Or maybe I’m trying to say that you’re funny… Or both.

    Like

    Kim recently posted News Flash: I haven’t figured my shit out yet and fuck you Buddha, I am the Queen of Resistance!.

  59. Supposively & re-la-tor (for realtor) both from a cousin with a Masters in English. I have no reasonable explanation. None. Lol

    Like

  60. I’ve never had cause to say “indefatigable” out loud, and never thought about it until just now, when I played the Merriam Webster pronunciation thirty times while looking at my computer quizzically. It sounds almost inappropriate.

    You say, “A whole nother.” I say, “What the fuck does ‘nother’ mean?”

    You say, “I have a new mineset.” (mind set) I say, “I will fill your skull with mines.”

    Like

    sowakeup recently posted Alli-oop! And Then My Ass Exploded.

  61. 1. Mmmmmm… Chambord snowcone

    2. @Dana Strange TASTE THE FUCKING RAINBOW – I laughed so hard I think I woke up the neighbors.

    Like

    Virginia recently posted My darkest secret... CATS.

  62. What in the hell were you drinking?

    Do you have any left over?

    Like

    Cheryl D. recently posted Too Young to Be a Teenager.

  63. I definitely got a good strong laugh out of this, especially the “colour/color” thing. I’m going to make a note to come back next time I’m super drunk and crazy tired and see if it’s even funnier.

    Like

  64. Wow. Over 50 comments on one post. You are much beloved. I Had 2 large martinis and a chocolate cupcake.
    I would settle for loved with one (or two) little comments on my blog posts. Sad.

    Like

    Cassie recently posted what is going on here?.

  65. Swear to anything, I re-wrote this very same chorus and sent it to my friends. Only mine is much shorter:

    You say “potato.” I say “Potato? Why the fuck are you saying potato??? I’m talking about Global warming and its effects on the life-supporting systems upon which all of Earth’s inhabitants depend, and all you can say is “Potato”? WHATTHEFUCKISWRONGWITHYOU????”

    What makes it so ironic is that my friends know I would NEVER talk about global warming!

    *ahem*

    I only wish I could go back and send them your version instead. (Especially the part about dying of intestinal distress.)

    Like

    bschooled recently posted This Week’s Posts Brought to You By: Planking.

  66. Actually, the only time I’ve hea–… witnessed the word “indefatigable” being used was in a movie.
    It was during a chorus scene with medieval knights. Of the round table. Rhyming the word with “Clark Gable.”

    I never knew what it meant until now though!

    Like

  67. ‘color’ vs
    Inspector Clouseau + ‘color’ = colour
    In my world…

    Like

  68. How apropos. Just finished watching latest ep. of Raising Hope.
    Your post reminds me of favorite line from that series: “Stop Procrasterbating”.

    (Plus, I got to use “apropos” in a blog comment. How apropos. Hey, I used it again! How…)

    Sesquipedalians Amalgamate!

    Like

  69. Ok, the tattoo on your face needs to look exactly like the artwork in your last post. I’m sure that will not hurt one iota. Also, why does Fred Armisen keep breaking up with people?

    I’ve decided people can feel up my boobs, but that’s it. I’m 12 again.

    Like

    GirltoMom- Heidi recently posted A Prayer for Another Woman’s Son.

  70. I would recommend a phenomenal sleep doc to you, but I get way too much enjoyment out of your insomniac posts. Does this make me a bad person?

    Like

  71. You are like amazing sparkly happy pills. I start out bored and bleh at work – then I read your posts – and BOOM! Magically everything is right with the world and I’m giggling indefatigably in the lobby. Did…did I use that word right? O_o

    Like

    Wednesday recently posted Maybe They Wanted Us to Wonder.

  72. Now i’m going to have this song in my head all day at work.

    Like

    Ashley recently posted What is home to me?.

  73. I like this story. Or whatever you’re calling it. Like Ashley ^ I will also have this song stuck in my head until I fall asleep. You did that on purpose did you…? I figured as much…

    Like

    Mandy recently posted Awesome Mother Fuckers.

  74. Too funny! My favorite line = “I explain how banks work”

    Like

    Suze recently posted Even the Best Husbands Can Say Douchey Things.

  75. Damn it Jenny. I think I’m becoming addicted to you blog! You’re way cooler than the Dooce, and I thought she was God before… but she’s kind of boring now, honestly. But you make me laugh every day. And I’m not trying to suck up, cause there is really no point in that for me, I’m just being honest. So keep up the good work!🙂

    Like

    Alinka Malinka recently posted From Mashable.

  76. I say could. Auto correct says cookery.
    I say flash video. Steve Jobs says fuck no.
    I bludgeon my iphone into obscurity.
    I realize I have no way to call to order another phone.
    Alanis Morrisette says ironic.

    Like

    Joules recently posted Wordless Wednesday – Attitude.

  77. You’re hilarious!

    Like

  78. I feel stabby
    Oh so stabby
    Stabby, not just crabby, toooDAYYYY!

    I’m pretty sure you can finish this one better than I can

    Like

    Bekka recently posted Tutarudi, watoto. (We will return, babies).

  79. You’ve done it again. Experiencing a bit of an Indian summer here in the UK but still no doubt colder than Houston. Even with the nice weather not looking forward to the day. Read your post and all is well – thank you

    Tom Recently posted: http://tomstronach.blogspot.com/2011/09/bbc-radio-reporter-and-press-journo.html

    Like

  80. thanks for making me laugh, I have coffee ice cream with grandmarnier syrup and scorched almonds with more grandmarnier and a shot of coffee over it. No wonder I can’t sleep

    Like

    Peta recently posted Multipotentiality.

  81. Insomnia is a beguiling muse…now let’s have the music video, please!

    Like

    Gina recently posted Welcome to the neighborhood, we don't like you already.

  82. What is up with all the words you only see in books but never say out loud? Wasn’t the language originally invented to be spoken, and then it was written? I guess back when only about five men could write, they made up a bunch of shit just to make what they were doing all the more spooky and indecipherable.

    Anyway, intestinal distress sucks. A friend of mine just wrote me a text to tell me that polyester gives him gas. Must be nice. Everything gives me gas.

    Like

    wagthedad recently posted Sexual Advice For Straight Women.

  83. We aren’t allowed to drink at work but that doesn’t stop us from telling new staff “You don’t have to be an alcoholic to start working here because you soon will be”

    Like

    Peta recently posted Multipotentiality.

  84. Chambord snowcones might be my newest dessert of choice.

    Even better: When winter comes, I can offer them to parents during sugar-on-snow events.

    Who am I kidding? I’m gonna give them to the bratty kids too get them to stfu…

    Like

  85. that snow cone sounds so yummy! must try that sometime. are you sure this wasn’t part of a drunken fight with victor?

    and LOL @ taste the fucking rainbow! sometimes, the comments here just leave me rolling!

    Like

    meg recently posted Update on Marissa’s room.

  86. I read “God, I need to sleep.”

    Like

    HerMelness Speaks recently posted Kids, At What Point Do We Stop Blaming Mummy And Daddy?.

  87. LOL! This is what I needed first thing this morning! Thanks!

    Like

    Shan recently posted I Just Climbed Out Of A Cottonwood Tree.......

  88. You say “I’m really tired and I don’t know if this is funny.”
    I say “Fucking. Hilarious.”

    Like

    Amy recently posted Cassette Tapes from the 80s.

  89. Oh, yes, what a wonderful thing to wake up to! Also, now I know what to do when I can’t sleep. Come here and see if you can’t sleep. And laugh.

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Soylent Green.

  90. You’re sick sick sick.

    I like it.

    Like

  91. It’s really cute when Japanese people say flustrated. Women, anyway.

    Like

    Fred Miller recently posted Where Do Children Come From?.

  92. I say, “you’re destroyed my tight-ass reputation at work becuase I’m sitting here laughing like a crazy woman,” and you say, “Too fucking bad. Sucks to be you!” Did I get the response right?

    ps: I want to stab people who say “orientate.”

    Like

    SJ recently posted Defending Your Life.

  93. I always pronounce ‘indefatigable’ in a comedy Monty Python voice – like how they sing it in this:

    “In…dee…fat…eee…gable.” 🙂

    Like

  94. You say drunk. I say brilliant.
    (That’s where most of the brilliant shit comes from!)

    And I agree with Brandon…You should be hosting presidential debates. With snowcones.

    Like

    Lisa recently posted On Humanity and Walmartians....

  95. Awesome!

    Like

  96. I just want to go on record as saying if ANYBODY throws one of my shoes in the trash I’m stabbing them with a pencil. That is all…

    Like

    Grammy@gram-cracker.com/blog recently posted 10 Things I would NOT do if I won the lotto…..

  97. I always feel like I should be wearig an evening gown when I’m drinking Chambord. It’s so fancy.
    Btw…You are a total unicorn biotch!

    P.S. I’ve been watching WAY too much Glee latley.

    P.P.S. Do they even say “biotch” in Texas or is that just a Philly thing?

    Like

  98. Girl, I totally wish I could be this funny when I can’t sleep!! If I’m suffering from insomnia, I usually do something boring like knit or thing about what I’m going to write for NaNoWriMo in November. 🙂

    Like

  99. You say potato I say spud. That’s about all I know about that song.
    Who the hell says Po-tah-toe? PRETENTIOUS people
    The same people who name their kids Tuscany and Aspidistra
    The same people who pronounce their daughters name as Sahh-rah when it’s SARAH.

    I’d like to say more but I have limoncello and your chambord snowcone sounds delish!

    Like

    Hikeezy recently posted Religion is like a penis.

  100. You say warter, I say water.
    You say warsh, I say it’s W-A-S-H do you see an ‘R’ in there my dear mil ?????
    I seriously want to shake her (for the last 30 years) when she does that…….ok fine, not just for that.

    Jenny is only a part of the reason I read this blog, the responders make me laugh just as much or more than Jenny does!! You guys are awesome! Thanks for starting my day out laughing!

    Like

  101. I foresee “The Bloggess- The Musical” in your future.

    Like

    Johi recently posted How to give thoughful gifts..

  102. Ending disturbing? Yes, slightly. Still freaking hilarious? Yes, no question about that.
    Much love,
    B

    Like

    B. in the Know recently posted Reserved….

  103. If this is not funny that I must of had too much to drink too, becuase I am about to giggle to death over here….and everyone is looking at me like I am a nut case.

    Thank you for another great start to my day….and they said Folgers was the best part of wakeing up.

    Like

  104. This may just be coincidence, but I just totally re-wrote the childrens’ book “The Giving Tree” from the tree’s perspective. It has the word ‘whore’ in it and I wasn’t even drunk.

    In a different life, Bloggess, we would rule this kingdom together.

    Like

    moooooog35 recently posted How to Bother the Crap out of your IT Department.

  105. I really enjoyed this, but I’m afraid it doesn’t quite fit with the metre of the song. But kudos anyway.

    And yeah, I’ve never really heard anyone say indefatigable.. only read it.

    (about the last verse.. he’s talking about the tomatoes, isn’t he?)

    Like

    Andie recently posted Disinformation, Douchebags, Disney and Why You Shouldn't Fuck with Saskatchewan..

  106. I say, I don’t know why you would stop at one shoe. At that point I might throw out the whole foot.

    Like

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted All My Dicks.

  107. Oooh…this would be totally awesome, and make like elebenty-bazillion bucks for you, but ONLY if you can get Yoko Ono to record it.

    Trust me. I know what I’m talking about.

    Like

    awesomesauciness recently posted Way Down Under.

  108. You say “aurthor”. I say “sweet Jebus, the word is AUTHOR. One R.”.

    Like

  109. Every time someone says, “Can I ax you a question?”, I want to rip off my ears. Say ‘ass’ and put a fucking ‘k’ on the end of it – is that so hard? Now I need a drink.

    Like

  110. I have a shirt that says, “You say tomato, I say f*ck you.” Only without the *.

    Like

    Julie recently posted How to scare your child into acting right.

  111. 111
    Andrea Arbour

    I had a friend who said “fusstrated” which was very frustrating.

    Like

  112. I try and pretend I’m one of those ‘other people’…you know…the ones that see a monkey and go “Oh look a monkey”

    …yeeessss, I know not everyone notices monkeys, I’m well aware that not EVERYONE notices monkeys (*sulky under the breath voice* even though I’m sure most people do notice monkeys) , I’m not saying that everyone noti…you know that’s NOT the point of this message…way to get me off track…what with all your “Everyone? Really? Everyone IN THE ENTIRE WORLD?” issues…

    …anyway, yes, there are some that see a monkey and think monkey…and I try to be like them, I do…but when I see a monkey; I immediately name him Bob (there are a lot of monkeys called Bob in the world right now, I think this makes it easier on everyone…again not EVERYONE…jeeeez) and I wonder if he would be fun to teach Chess…I think Bob could grasp it… …if I could grasp it, I mean I’d have to learn Chess first…but I could totally do that and then teach Bob, so there doubting ‘other people’, Bob could totally learn Chess!

    I thought I was alone you see, alone with the randomness…I thought I HAD to change… …so I thank you Mrs Bloggess, I thank you and the Bobs of this world, who have a name, thank you (I’m not sure about the Bob’s of other worlds…I’ve not met any…but the ones of this world definitely do!) …you make me feel that little bit less weird whenever I read your posts! 😀

    P.S This was suppose to be funnier…but it kinda turned into a heartfelt…”You make me feel like I belong” speech…so…um…sorry about that!

    You rule!

    Like

  113. Crap, now I have that song stuck in my head.

    Like

    Jamie recently posted Happy Birthday Mom, sorry I got arrested..

  114. You lost me at tomatoe…

    Or was it tomato?

    I do remember something about a stabbing, too.

    ___________________

    Like

    StephanieC @ Seriously?? Really? Seriously? recently posted Tooth Whitening Gone Awry.

  115. eclectic/epileptic…ahhh brings back memories

    Like

    Abby recently posted MAID OF disHONOR.

  116. “Chambord snowcone.”

    You even *drink* funny.

    You’re touched, my friend. Thank god for that.

    Like

    Daddy Scratches recently posted Surviving The Matrix: Year One.

  117. Is flustrated even a word?! Definitely stab worthy.

    Like

    John B recently posted blame tv.

  118. Please know that I’m picturing you tap-dancing for the duration of said glorious re-write.

    Like

  119. I, too, have stabbed someone for saying “flustrated.”

    It felt good and the jail time was well worth it. I also stabbed someone for saying “supposably” instead of supposedly. So, please choose your words carefully if I’m within earshot.

    In any case, if you were still wondering, that post was hilarious despite excessive alcohol. It appears, you simply cannot not be funny.

    Like

    Susan Says... recently posted Up in the Air: Conclusion.

  120. I really didn’t understand the concept of feeling stabby until I started peri-menopause. I understand now. And I understand sitting up and writing a song like this too. Next time I am up in the middle of the night, hot, and uncomfortable, I am going to write a song. Maybe it will help because nothing else is right now.

    Like

    Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted How to Make Good Things Happen.

  121. I want to stab people when they begin a sentence with, “At the end of the day…”

    Every. Fucking. Time. Can we move on now???

    Like

    Chelle recently posted How I'm Going to Kill Myself With Cleaning.

  122. I don’t know why I don’t check twitter when I’m awake at 2 a.m. Hilarious as always.

    Like

    Karen W recently posted Gray hair is an asshole.

  123. And I mean can we move on from at the end of the day…not from your blog. I love your blog and want to marry it. Except I’m already married. I might have to become a polygamist. Oh well. If that’s the price I have to pay…

    Like

    Chelle recently posted How I'm Going to Kill Myself With Cleaning.

  124. hysterical. i particularly loved color vs colour. thanks for the laugh, jenny. hope you were able to get some sleep / rest.

    Like

  125. i like that your office is ‘epileptic’. sounds spectacular for someone with the attention span of a gnat. it sounds like there is shit everywhere and there is no discernible rhyme or reason to where anything is, but you know EXACTLY how and where to find everything.

    if that makes sense. my office is mostly full of boxes that i’m too lazy to unpack from moving. four and a half months ago.

    Like

    steph gas recently posted bad blogger. bad, bad blogger..

  126. You give me hope.🙂

    Like

  127. You say “drunk insomniac.” I say “tortured artist.”

    You say “My name is Linda-r.” I say “You must be from Boston.”

    You say “Ironically we were both there at the same time.” I say “Coincidentally has more syllables than ironically, so if you’re trying to sound smart, just go with coincidentally.”

    Like

    Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted Don’t Stick Your Fingers in the Crates – Warning Sign Blindness (or, Wizards).

  128. Yeah, that, uhh, I hate to break it to you, but,

    that’s not how banks work.

    Like

    Rai recently posted A sad tale of animal crackers.

  129. 1) Dying here.
    2) Poisoned? Crap. I got food poisining last night. I’d rather think my date slipped me a roofie though. A much better story.
    3) This is why I keep a shank handy at all times.

    Like

  130. Speaking of tomato, tomahto, my mother just gave me a tomato knife with the word tomato cut out of it. I held it up and was all “Why does this knife say OTAMOT??” Nobody spoke for at least 10 seconds.

    Like

    Katie recently posted Speaking of Books and Nerds.

  131. You use the word “conversate” as an actual word. I want to stab you in the temple with the nearest pointy object and wonder once again why I married you.

    (True story.)

    Like

    Christy recently posted Shadow Copies FTW!.

  132. One of the guys I work with says “have a good strong-end!” instead of weekend. Every fucking Friday. I pretty sure I’m developing an eye twitch because of this.

    Like

  133. I am so glad I am stalking following you on Twitter now because I totally got the” epileptic” part. I got all of it, but you know what I mean… Or not. Either way, your post cracked me up. I heart you. Speaking of chambord snowcones, a couple of years ago I found one of those Snoopy snow cone makers like I had when I was a kid back in the 80’s at a craft store and was all “Sweet! Now I can have amaretto sour slushier any time I want! In my own home!” That was $15 well spent.

    Like

  134. Yes, this shit is funny. I wish I could have read it in public so people could cast furtive glances in my direction and silently wonder what the hell I’m reading.

    Like

  135. Alcoholic snow cones just make me want to pop open a beer. Because it is easier. And it is 9:30 a.m.

    And reading the word flustrated over and over gives me the urge to place an order for sporks. Just saying.

    Like

    Kitten Thunder's Girl recently posted A special OutTV miniseries: Picket Fences.

  136. –>Underwear and Underwear – – plural and singular. See related word, Fish.

    Like

    WebSavvyMom recently posted Random Thoughts.

  137. I was typing on my phone. Ugh, I hate it when my Droid makes me look like an imbecile. What the heck? They are supposed to be all smart and crap, but the stupid auto-spell-use quotation marks-correctly code was obviously written by a jackass. A jackass who is probably laughing maniacally right now as he thinks about how he screwed millions of people who paid damn good money for a phone that was supposed to make life more convenient but instead made them constantly second-guess their spelling and grammar even when they hold a freaking college degree and have always been good at spelling. He is probably ugly and has a small penis. While we are out living our lives (and tweeting about it and unknowingly using horrible grammar in the process) , he just sits in his little cubicle dreaming of ways to punish us for his lack of social skills. Some people need to get a life.

    Like

  138. Chambord snowcone? Yumm.

    Like

  139. Thanks a whole freakin’ lot! NOT! I’m surrounded by people who are stab and shoe-throw-out worthy and now I’m MEBBE or PROLLY going to fixate on all the extremely irritating things they say. It’s going to be one hell of a day, at the end of the day, and whatnot and that there. and having said that … I got a good ideal, kill me now!!!!!!

    Like

    Redneck Hillbillies recently posted Small Town Folks.

  140. I say any word with more than two syllables, you say “Is that a word?”

    (This is what happens when you marry beneath yourself. True story.)

    Like

    Dani recently posted The Updated Update.

  141. The amount of bloggers that try to sound smarter than they’re actually capable of being by using such large words is aggravating as hell. Seems the tech/sci-fi/comic book bloggers are the worst about it though. Stop being pretentious, or as we say here in South Carolina, UPPITY, and write so everyone can understand it.

    Ain’t no reason to get all high ‘n mighty just ‘cuz you own a thesaurus.

    Like

    Gutmeister recently posted Dear Abby, Gutmeister Style.

  142. I can only hope that I inspired this post with my “You say tomato, I say ‘I’m not going to lie that was random” tweet.

    When I noticed you following me I just about peed myself with joy.

    Intestinal Distress is a pretty great way to go, all things said and done.

    At least in comparison with Monkey Stranglation.

    Like

    Todd H. Page recently posted _thp: and </glee>.

  143. Better yet, somebody get me one of them Snoopy Snowcone machines, pronto!

    Like

    Redneck Hillbillies recently posted Small Town Folks.

  144. Please tell me I’m not the only one who wondered what Ferris Mewler would do (and by “do” I mean would he eat them?) if Jenny’s intestines explosed across the room. I might need an intervention.

    Like

    Balanced Idjit recently posted I'm completely sane. Until you put me in the kitchen..

  145. You say “baklavah”, I say “bacala”. Let’s cut out the middleman and say balaclava.

    You can’t eat it, but it will keep your face warm.

    Like

    Rev. Back It On Up 13 recently posted Astonishing Shit You Can Buy: More Baby Asses!.

  146. *snaps fingers, bobs head, bursts into running man*

    Like

    Elly Lou recently posted October.

  147. Hey, Dana. You need to consider an upgrade to the gallon-size daiquiri. Then it’s family-sized. What kid’s gonna turn down anything called ‘Starburst?” Plus you can fit a much bigger straw in that opening. Or a garden hose! (Just don’t puncture Louisiana’s foolproof tape-over-the-strawhole ’til you get home. It’s the law!)

    Like

  148. You’re right there on u iPad next to email and Citi bank and settings and I start every day with you because I play like you’re my friend and you’re talking just to me….is that a little scary? I love your voice here and on Twitter epileptic office. And why does everyone say ve-HEE-ment?

    Like

  149. I swear, I think you are so funny, that I feel bad that I don’t pay to read your blog!

    Like

  150. Oh Jen. Thanks for making me laugh again.

    Like

  151. Whoa. My comment is awaiting moderation?!? When did this development occur??? I am wondering at how bad a comment must have been to have not been allowed on The Bloggess. Was somebody stalking you? I can totally cut their eyes out for you, Jen. Well, not really. I’m kind of wimpy. I don’t even really talk a big game in Real Life. I’m just more of a “let’s get along” kind of person. So, I’m probably not going to be your champion, after all.

    Like

    tracey - justanothermommy recently posted We've Fallen In Love with Ohio....

  152. You and Victor should really consider installing theater seats in your home and selling tickets. This stuff is solid gold.

    Like

  153. I forgot to add that I absolutely LOVE this post. I laughed so hard by the end that the bed was shaking, forcing the cat to retreat to a quieter resting spot. I also read it aloud to my husband, warning him he should expect some occasional ribbing (yeah, I didn’t use the word ‘ribbing’ – my word was more coloUrful and followed by ‘with’) from me on my new blog. Please come visit http://www.olddognewtits.com. Everyone’s invited to the party but I will ask that you bring a covered dish and not touch his “precious stash” of Cheez-its hidden behind the cereals in the pantry. It’s what makes our marriage work.

    Like

    OldDogNewTits recently posted Doctor #4 later this week (plus a completely meaningless Brady Bunch reference).

  154. One word: Whataburger

    Like

  155. This is why people rarely play Scrabble on the first date. At least not with me.

    Like

    Lorca Damon recently posted I Take Life Advice from Snack Foods.

  156. Do you own a snowcone machine??? You are so awesome!!

    Like

  157. You say ‘gi-gnome-us’ instead of ‘ginormous’ and I punch you in the fucking teeth. On the real.

    Like

    Charity recently posted Rain. And some klass. Hell to the yes..

  158. paul mccartney would be jealous of you!

    Like

    Whitney Soup recently posted Hypocritin' All Over The World.

  159. I love you. You know that, right?

    Like

    Vee recently posted Another one in the eye.

  160. These are just lovely…drinking and song writing go hand in hand my dear.

    Like

    Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted The Time My Boobs Were Compared To A Boys Ass.

  161. You say “epileptic”, I say “eckaplectic”.
    You say “scoliosis”, I say “the spina bifida”.
    You say “WTF, I thought you had a college degree.”
    I say “Mocking hillbilly acquaintances trumps edumacation.”
    Let’s have another drink!

    Like

  162. Derek (the man I am currently sleeping with) says “flustrated”. It’s so damn frustating!

    Like

    Gina aka Slappy recently posted Age of Consent.

  163. I married a Brit, so we have these types of discussions ALL the time. I take a bath, he takes a baaath. Bugger!By the way, he hates towels, too. For that reason, my battle cry has become KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER!

    Like

  164. I use that 1st phrase a lot considering I have so many American friends that pester my Canadian fabulousness.
    I write it like this: “You say to-ma-to. I say tom-at-o.”

    Like

    Lady Estrogen recently posted Think of me... think of me fondly..

  165. The ending of this post reminded me that thanks to DC’s usually rainy September, we’ve had a bumper crop of mushrooms, and yes, people are getting rushed to the ER because they are EATING THINGS THEY PULLED UP OUT OF THEIR LAWNS. Seriously, people.

    Like

  166. you’ve got insomnia, but this is crazy. hahaha, you should get high often to post stuff touch. the best one was ‘i am going to stab you now’. hahaha, hilarious.

    Like

    shane recently posted Physical Therapy Assistant.

  167. My in-laws say “flustrated.” Drives me frigging INSANE! They also say “Nexflix” Kill. Me.

    Like

    Katie recently posted Oh How Pinteresting 9.28.11.

  168. I too have started suffering from in-fucking-somnia so my mind is mushy and I’m not 100% sure you haven’t said something about this before in your blog, but have you seen this? http://blogs.cdc.gov/publichealthmatters/2011/05/preparedness-101-zombie-apocalypse/

    Like

  169. you say supposively, i say supposedly
    there’s no fucking “v” in that word…

    Like

    Simone recently posted 1 and 6,000.

  170. My ex and I were incompatible like that. I’d say “tomato”, and he’d say “SHUT UP, BITCH!” It was magical. . .

    Like

    Jen recently posted Happy National I Don't Give A @#$% Day.

  171. I can pronounce “indefensible”. Is that close enough to count?

    Like

    Jami recently posted Sharing is caring.

  172. I say erythromycin, you say erythromyAcin. Some actual frigging doctors actually say that. Ugh.

    Like

    Jill recently posted Reading, writing and meth.

  173. libary gets me insanely stabby especially if their looking for it.

    Like

  174. My mom says Warsh. We “red up” the house. Or pick it up. And they aren’t radishes. They are RED ishes. I love when I hear people say warsh. They tend to be from somewhere around Pittsburgh. Oh, and hubby says gararge.

    I may have to try some of the UV white cake vodka tonite. I think I can grind up ice in the Kitchenaid.,

    Like

  175. you’re kinda’ funny…

    Like

    Lisa recently posted My Weekend...or Two Boys and a Drooling Cow....

  176. Oh my gosh I think I’m seizing!🙂

    Like

  177. I (and everyone else) say AM-BU-LANCE. Stabbing is a definate concern when I hear AM-BLEE-ANCE. WTH? Watch it, buddy or you’re going to need that flippin ambliance. Dumbass! This is my third comment on this one blog post. I think you’ve touched a nerve!

    Like

    Redneck Hillbillies recently posted Small Town Folks.

  178. I don’t know if anyone has mentioned this: I say Sim-i-lar you say Sim-u-lar. Ugh, drives me batty irregardless🙂.

    Like

  179. Hahahaha!!!
    And to think when I have insomnia I just shuffle around the house in anxious state and watch E!. You’re such an overachiever. Very impressive!

    Like

    Tonya recently posted I’m Guest Posting Today!.

  180. What were you drinking? . . .

    Like

  181. I say “I am” ,you say “yam”. Then I stab you.
    I say “at you”, you say “a choo”, and then I stab you again.

    Like

    Charity recently posted Rain. And some klass. Hell to the yes..

  182. The only thing better than a chambord snowcone is a frangelico one.

    Like

    Meg at the Members Lounge recently posted Jack’s Been Christened!.

  183. I’m with Angel (comment #14). This is like a fight with Victor in poetry form.

    Like

  184. You say “Beyonce”. I say “precious metal”. We celebrate by buying towels for Victor.

    Like

    Becky Rice recently posted Uttered Nonsense.

  185. so this is the version my sister felicity and i sang. she is in england and i am in vermont so this is all about the pronunciation which is lost on paper.

    you say urinal (your in all)
    i say urinal (your eye nal)

    you say vaginal (vaj in all)
    i say vaginal (vaj eye nal)

    lets call the whole thing off

    enjoy. best sung at top voice after many gin and tonics.

    Like

  186. I say “Motorcycle”
    Mother in law says “Motorsackel”….motor-sackel!
    Really? So, it’s “bi-sackel” and “tri-sackel?” Have I been saying them wrong all this time?
    Stab me now.
    She is the one who also says “warsh” but she is from rural upstate NY not Pittsburg (you can take the girl from the farm but not the farm from the old lady!). Well, I am too but I pronounce things correctly! My daughter and I leave her house shaking our heads and saying omg “did you hear her?” every. single. time. I have not yet thrown a shoe her way but that sounds mighty satisfying. (Though I have viciously smacked the table with the palm of my hand when she was being all judgmental about a family member and she jumped a foot. It was awesome. I still smile over that one.)

    I seriously have issues with mispronunciations and have to refrain from making enemies and stabbing people on a daily basis. Thanks for bringing up a touchy subject so I can brood over it.

    Note to self: avoid stabbing mil.

    Like

  187. Have you ever noticed how if you add an e to anything, it makes it fancier?
    I say shop, you say shoppe.
    I say old, you say olde.

    Jenna
    callherhappy.com

    Like

    Jenna@CallHerHappy recently posted Be My Guest.

  188. This is great. Hiding the $100.00 in a shoe is something my husband would do. I would be the one to throw it away in a fit of mania.

    Like

    rita recently posted Things that freak me out. Irrationally..

  189. Now I have these lyrics stuck in my head…this could get really awkward if I start singing them out loud.

    Like

    Shawn Richmond recently posted The Plan..

  190. I say “asked”…..you say “axed”. AXED people, AXED!!!!! I’ll give ya axed!
    Is this just a Northeast thing?

    Like

  191. I foresee that, in little to no time, artists from all over the world will be contacting you to write lyrics for them. And it’s gonna be awesome.

    Like

    Momma Teacher Lady recently posted I'm totally copyrighting my son's first song.

  192. I’m not sure I fully understand this post but I love as much if not more than ever. Also, thanks for the coloUr shout-out! NeighboUr! LaboUr! FavoUr! All excellent words.

    Like

    Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted Another Wordless Wednesday - of guess who.

  193. Relevant: http://www.mentalfloss.com/store/You-Say-Tomato-T-shirt/

    Also: You say “unthaw,” I say “Get the hell out of my house, MOM.”

    Like

    adrienne recently posted Shakespeare’s Plays To Be Staged in 37 Languages.

  194. sounds pretty good to me!

    Like

    Trish recently posted Little Boys and Lots of Rain.

  195. You say tomato…and who the fuck says tomato? Seriously. Let’s call it off. I found someone who says Vodka Tonic.

    Like

    Julie the Wife recently posted The Case of the Disappearing Graphics.

  196. Yup, it is definitely funny.

    Like

  197. Just one of the shoes? That’s too cruel.

    Like

    Brenna recently posted If some stranger has to deal with your pee....

  198. I tried to teach my husband the Quarter Master song. I got to “Beans wearing blue jeans” and he lost it. Now I just hum under my breath. Old songs are so much better than the ones now!?

    Like

    Mrs. Mustache recently posted I’m Addicted To Retro Cartoons AKA Ones That Include Gratuitous Coyote Violence.

  199. Oh Jenny. My heart swells with love for you. Kind of like the Grinch. Except I’m not green. Which is good, because I think that’s a symptom of Ebola.

    I totally got that whole “tomato”/”tomato” thing.

    Here’s one more line for you, based on actual happenings with my ex-Mother in law (except in this case I’m actually the YOU, and she’s the I).

    You say “headache”, I say “I WebMD’d that and you either have cancer, hypertension, or you’re having a stroke. It’s probably a combination of all three. What are you having for dinner?”
    🙂

    Like

    Maria recently posted I'm doing my civic duty..

  200. I have a friend who tried to correct my CORRECT use of the word “amphitheater” with his incorrect version: “amplitheater”. What the what the?

    I couldn’t convince him I was right.

    Like

    Nadia Gortova recently posted Rewriting Goals.

  201. I *SO* want a Chambord snocone!

    Other stabbage-inducing words… “nucular” “irregardless” “death” (for Deaf) and “it’s YOUR turn to cook–I’m tired.”

    Like

    Sheila recently posted Riding Season Has Started!.

  202. I was pretty straightfaced until I got to “Are you referring to this indefatigable conflagration?”

    And then I snorted and kit-kat bar went everywhere. Cheers!

    Like

  203. Intestinal distress is the stuff of all comedic genius. I think the Greeks invented fart jokes.

    Like

    wagthedad recently posted Sexual Advice For Straight Men Rule #1.

  204. This is why you’re a rock star wrapped up in a ninja. When I drink too much, I think of hilarious blog posts I could write and by the time I sober up I’ve either forgotten them or realized that they were about cancerous puppies and not all that funny.

    Like

    Lorca Damon recently posted I Take Life Advice from Snack Foods.

  205. Whilst we’re on the subject of mispronunciation and grammar, I recently deleted at least 5 Facebook ‘friends’ for their horrific use of the word ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’ and ‘of’ instead of ‘have’.

    I just don’t have enough time in my life for these people, Jenny.

    Like

    iampisspot recently posted The Black Dog.

  206. 207
    Peneloepe Flywheel

    Hi Jenny!

    This lady at work says “fustrated” – no R – so irritating.. and wait for it… even better.. this morning she said “comatoast” instead of comatose – As in “I’m so tired, I feel comatoast.” OMG.

    Like

  207. Can the work inspired by insomnia cure insomnia? LORD I HOPE SO.

    Like

    Clarica recently posted Personal note #4.

  208. you throw out my shoe and I go all necromancer and bring that hugging monkey to life. you don’t want to know what that bitch is like when it’s alive.

    Like

    Cat @Breakfast to Bed recently posted Batshit and Crazy.

  209. Record it! And put a photo of the Chambord snowcone on the album cover. That will explain everything.

    (Yeah, *do* you own a snowcone machine?? Awesome.)

    Like

    Kernut the Blond recently posted I Found Zombies In A Ghost Town – The Apocalypse Beginneth.

  210. I feel like you might be trying out some new medication.
    If so, you should probably take this post to your doctor…so he can give you more!

    Like

    Rai recently posted A sad tale of animal crackers.

  211. Loved it. I actually laughed out loud. So very funny🙂

    Like

    Miss Marina Star recently posted He Doesn't Know Why.

  212. Oh, and it’s pronounced “in-deh-FAT-ig-ubl.” I heard Richard Burton say it once, so I know I’m right.

    Like

  213. Conflagration- a word not used nearly enough.

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted Adventures with Wanda Lamont #2.

  214. I am loving this post. thanks for making me laugh! as usual

    Like

  215. Good god, was just clearing out my closet and now I am going to have to go back and check all my shoes!

    Like

    Jeane recently posted Hysterical Thursday Escape!.

  216. “I explain to you how banks work.” HIlarious!

    I should post something like this the next time I have a cocktail🙂

    Like

    J. S. recently posted My first job interview all year....

  217. I vote “funny”, even though I’m totally sober…. right now. You initiate the most profound discussions.

    One million years ago I had a roommate that was always “flustrated”. Attempting to pick my battles I never responded to it, but it was difficult, since she was “flustrated” nearly every day.

    If anyone tossed an “indefatigable” at me in conversation they would get the blank-stare-blink-blink from me. And ultimately a “huh?”.

    Like

  218. @Bodaciousboomer – you’re obviously not from central Texas. We’ve heard the word “conflagration” WAY too much recently.

    Like

    Jami recently posted Sharing is caring.

  219. Once again, with our society’s emphasis on body image, the emphasis is on the “fat”.
    http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/indefatigable

    Like

    Jami recently posted Sharing is caring.

  220. @Dana Strange: stuck with you (#44) on Daquiris to To in Louisiana. That sounds PERFECT.

    The one that makes the veins stand out in my neck – exasperate when they MEAN exacerbate. It is a total giveaway on a business doc.

    Like

  221. Modern idioms are as contagious as they are unimaginative. Virulent strains, such as “irregardless” and “each and every,” make idiots out of otherwise articulate individuals. My husband started saying “whole nother” around me and one day it sneaked into my speech. (Oh, the humanity!) There might have been a resultant stabbing.
    Whatever happened to the colourful language of our grandparents? Let’s bring back gems like:
    “You kids sit still! You’re jumping up and down quicker than a whore’s drawers!” or
    “I’ll be there in two ticks of a flea’s ass.”
    or for random moments when there’s nothing better to say:
    “‘Balls,’ said the queen and the king laughed ’cause he had to.”

    Like

  222. Yep, it was good enough; you say ‘I’m going to’, I say ‘I’m fixin’ to’………….just sayin’………….:)

    Like

    Bill Dorman recently posted Are you a writer?.

  223. 226
    Barefoot Liz

    Thanks for the laugh! I definitely needed that today. (still giggling at throwing away a favorite shoe)

    Like

    Barefoot Liz recently posted Hysterectomy Recovery Fundraiser.

  224. who says “ofter” btw I lOVE that song as well

    Like

  225. I’m sure these are the lyrics to a pretty catchy song. Ohh SAT words I hate and admire thee at the same time. That’s what those are right…. One time my husband cleaned out my mother in law’s hallway closet, and found an entire army of LEFT shoes. Naturally he threw them away. When she arrived she started screaming, “I have the RIGHT ones in my other closet!!!!!!!!!!” And faithfully dug through three trashcans to retrieve the lost shoes. You say shoes, I say mother in law insanity.

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    Becca recently posted I'm the Mistress of Alliteration, and I Remember.....

  226. You say “warsh” I say “wash”

    I assume you’re a dirty whore because you clearly don’t know how to pronounce the word correctly.

    Like

  227. can’t stop laughing

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  228. Freaking hilarious.

    Like

  229. “Let’s call the ‘calling off,’ off.”
    Now, I wouldn’t be able to stop reading your work anyway…

    Like

    The Queer Next Door recently posted Everything Changed.

  230. I say nuclear, you say Nucular. Let’s never see each other again. Ha.

    Overheard one day in the car: My 8 year old told my 13 year old that he should deliberately spell color without a U to freak out all the British people (they play Minecraft and this particular “server” they were on was all Brits…)

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    absence of alternatives recently posted Fly your freak flag high.

  231. Yep. Still funny. (And I’m certainly not drunk.)

    Like

  232. 235
    Kevin MacNutt

    I say specific, you say pacific.

    That reminds me I heard someone use the word “superficious” tonight as in, “you want to dress good if you go to work there as they can be superficious in these parts”.

    Like

  233. I like it when you’re drunk.

    Like

  234. Likely, someone has already said this, but the “u” is Canadian. Maybe that’s why it’s silent. Just politely watching while everyone tries to spell colour without it.

    And yes: Funny.

    Like

  235. This would happen to me.

    Like

    Dom recently posted Sunset at Round Valley.

  236. This stuff is too funny. I have a boss who murders the English language on a daily basis. She is always flustrated and can’t make since (sense) out of anything. She also likes to morphosize things and renew her prescription to the the local newspaper. I’m wondering how long it will be after this post that morphosize actually gets into our daily vernacular!

    Like

  237. Debra- all I got left is a lecture from my husband on the lack of respect I show him (reformed smoker) when I continue to smoke in the bedroom. Blah, Blah-Blah, Blah, Blah

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    Jamie recently posted To Fathom Hell Or Soar Angelic, Just Take A Pinch Of Psychedelic - Humphry Osmond.

  238. I hate when people say ‘fustrated’ because they sound stupid.

    Like

    Domestic Debbie recently posted Stain Removal Made Easier!.

  239. I have a coworker who just can’t “phantom” why things are the way they are. Nobody has the heart to tell her she means “fathom”.

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