Ancient Burial Airport

Sorry I’ve been MIA, but I was stranded in Hawaii when my vagina tried to kill me.  It’s a long story and I’m on way too many painkillers to make any sense, so instead I’m posting a (completely undoctored, swear to God) photo I took right before my left ovary punched me in the face (metaphorically).

I laughed my ass off at this sign, and then the next day my body tried to murder me and I ended up in the hospital. There's probably a lesson here about the importance of being appropriately somber at Ancient Burial Airports, but I'm way too high to learn it.

289 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I was reading your tweets with some apprehension. Glad you’re home and doing better.

    There’s a joke about Mayan gods and the 2012 thing in there somewhere, I think, but I myself am too high to make the connection.

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  2. Did you steal a good luck tiki?

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    Jacquie recently posted bring it on.

  3. I actually wrote that sign. You’re being punished for using the restroom, which is built directly over the ancient burial grounds. You should proceed directly through the lava tube to the airport.

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    Rita Arens recently posted Boy, That Made Me Feel Old.

  4. They only removed the tombstones. Easier to land that way.

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    Sherry Carr-Smith recently posted Autumn & Donating Organs.

  5. Ancient Burial Airports are well-documented as having evil communion with ovaries.

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  6. What a coincidence, my left ovary just stabbed me in the eyeball last week. She’s a cranky bitch.

    Hope you’re feeling better.

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    Lauren recently posted This has nothing to do with the following post, but I just wanted to let you all know that I totally wiped out on the way to work today..

  7. An ancient burial airport makes sense, I mean, ancient planes need to go somewhere when they die.

    Hope your ovary has been beaten back into submission now.

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    Veronica recently posted Justifiable Homicide.

  8. I’m a little concerned about the Lava Tube.

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    Nona recently posted The silence of the handbags.

  9. Oh, my wish is to be as hilarious as you! I’m trying… check it out…

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    Aging Gal recently posted My American Horror Story.

  10. Awesome! And feel better! 🙂

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  11. hmm .. thanks for the tip – will not laugh at ancient burial airports🙂

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    Devan @ Accustomed Chaos recently posted A Due Date Gone But Never Came.

  12. That’s just wrong. Burial and airport shouldn’t ever go together. Like… ever.

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    Cathy recently posted Casting the net.

  13. Tell your vagina you have too many plans to let her ruin your vacation!

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    Jennie Jackson recently posted A Raccoon as Big as a Small Child.

  14. And in my dyslexia, I read Panic Area, instead of Picnic Area. HA!

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    Beth recently posted Back in the Kitchen…and on the Wagon.

  15. Yeeeeah, the spirits were clearly NOT amused. I mean, why should you catch a scheduled flight when they can’t?

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    Meg recently posted Candle In the Microwave.

  16. Oh wow, I hope you’re okay. Once upon a time a co-worker had an ovary explosion while at the office and it was terrifying for everyone. She was on bed rest for a couple weeks. And yes, that sign is awesome.

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    Mindy recently posted Real Disneyland Weddings - Sarah and Terrance.

  17. A “Lava Tube” looks like something that should be avoided at all costs. Also, WHERE IS THE HIKING TRAIL AND THE BLACK SAND BEACH??? *confusion* Get well soon, Bloggess.❤

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    Kayla recently posted NaNoWriMo Ate My Soul!.

  18. I read the part that says “Lave Tube” as “Lava Lube.” I need professional help.

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    Courtney recently posted I see freckles! :).

  19. “Hot” Lava Tube would of gave the sign more points.

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  20. You were in Hawaii, and your body turned on you… It might not have been your laughing at the sign. Is it possible you were wearing a tiki that Bobby Brady found? Did you seen Vincent Price in the cave?

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  21. Oh, and left ovaries are apparently being bitches all over the place this week because I had a CT scan yesterday to figure out what’s up with my little bitch. You, me, and Lauren make 3, maybe all the rest of you are safe…

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  22. I totally read that as your vagina tried to strangle you and immediately thought…Is there NOTHING Jenny can’t do?

    When I need a hit out on some one I will be calling on your Vag.

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    A Vapid Blonde recently posted Throat Coats…The New LBD.

  23. Sorry about your body mutiny. I hope your Va-Jay-Jay feels better soon.

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    Houston recently posted My Little Girl Rocks The House!.

  24. I don’t know if you ever watch the new Hawaii 5-0, but their Halloween episode was all about those, and it is kind of a hoot.

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  25. This sounds like the premise of an episode of Scooby-Doo.

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  26. I laughed at the picture, THEN saw your warning. Dammit, my ovaries were already plotting something – now I’ve just added fuel to the fire. Crap.

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  27. Does the ancient burial airport have tombstones? I imagine the rubbings there would be interesting. What do ancient planes write on tombstones? Instead of flowers to people leave small black boxes?? Also, my right ovary often tries to murder me. It’s a bitch. I hope you are feeling better.

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  28. It sounds like a combo reaction to the LAVA TUBE and ANCIENT BURIAL AIRPORT had something to do with your ovary punch.

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    Joy Ribisi recently posted Teacup Pincushions.

  29. 30
    Eggs In A Row

    Stupid ovaries. I hate mine. Feel better! And avoid that airport at all costs!

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    Eggs In A Row recently posted It’s Starting.

  30. Just dang glad you’re back and not occupying the ancient burial airport.

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    Teresa recently posted I’m Supposed to be Blogging About Encouraging Shit, but I Got Sidetracked by Hilarious Shit.

  31. Conveniently enough, the restrooms ARE the picnic area. One stop shopping if you will. Pull up a toilet and enjoy your lunch. Wait a half hour, and get on with your day.

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  32. I would have jacked that sign. Like I don’t care if it is a Federal offense jacked that sign.

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    John B recently posted comeback? shnock it off!.

  33. I really hope that the Picnic Area and the restrooms are not both in the caves, since they’re all in the same direction. In a dark cave you could end up shitting where you eat.

    And I hope you’re better and that you and your vagina work it out.

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  34. The sign is funny… But … I know it was no laughing matter… so I feel horrible for the burst of lhysterical laughter over this line “but I was stranded in Hawaii when my vagina tried to kill me.” …

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    Kerry recently posted The view from inside a panic attack....

  35. I think when one laughs one’s ass off it often leaves an entry for disease-causing germs and microbes. Just a hunch.

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  36. Is that a Fallopian lava tube?

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  37. See! Proof of aliens! That or they’ve got some interesting ghosts flying around that island.

    Enjoy your drugs and heal up quick.

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  38. Were you wearing the ancient Tiki from the Brady Bunch hawaiian epsiode?

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  39. I thought it was the right ovary. Doh!

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  40. and here I thought they’d ditched Serenity on a lot in LA. I feel so much better now knowing she has a nice warm home…

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    claris recently posted Way to go, faggot..

  41. I am so trying to resist the urge to start googling Hawaiian parks and their, um, features before I go down the rabbit hole, or in this case lava tube. Hope you’re feeling better!

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  42. That’s for when you want to send your ancestors flying.

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    Virginia recently posted A punch in the gut, every time.

  43. Didn’t Peter Brady’s ovaries punch him in the face when the Bradys went to Hawaii? Or was it Greg’s ovaries?

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  44. So sorry to hear about the coup d’état happening in your body.
    Looks like somebody’s budget caused some over ambitious signage. Very confusing. Very amusing.

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    Gina recently posted Pomodoro: the amazingly efficient tomato.

  45. The airport is probably some portal into a Narnia-like place, except it’s in the past and you just die there.

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  46. The Lava Tube is my vagina. Glad there are signs up to help lost travelers looking for my wootle.

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    GirltoMom- Heidi recently posted Vagina Movie Titles Galore!.

  47. Wait… Let me get this straight… Are the ancient burial for paying respects for people whilst also being able to catch a flight out of the country? Or do they bury actual planes??

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  48. Airplanes are like elephants – they have very long memories. And kill things that go in their burial sites. Or maybe it’s not kill, maybe it’s possess. Right, that’s it. Airplanes possess people who trespass on their burial sites. And have valuable ivory tusks.

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    Bridget recently posted Slightly More Realistic Roleplaying Scenarios.

  49. I’m more intrigued by the the fact that the Picnic Area, Caves and Bathroom all seem to be in the same place. Are we picnicing IN the caves? Are the bathrooms the caves themselves? Or is it like a picnic in a cave that’s really a bathroom extravaganza? If so, I’m glad they’re also pointing me toward the lava tubes and ancient burial airport. And away from the cave-picnic-avatory.

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    Amy recently posted I am… Penn State….

  50. It is HELL when those ovaries try to kill ya.. Mine give it a go 3 or 4 times a year.. scares the hell out of my kids.. which is ok I guess cuz I really don’t want any hell in my kids.. lol I think mine are just pissed that their efforts of egg productions will be in vain.. No Mo babies fo me at 43!!
    Hope you feel better fast.. and stay away from lava-tube-black sand-ancient-burial-airports or whatever.. next time come MN.. we will go horseback riding and teach those damn ovaries to shut up!! lol
    Black Sheep

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    Black Sheep recently posted “hello, my name is Black Sheep and I am a Yarnaholic”.

  51. That is Hawaii, kicking ass. Is that the nude black sand beach the sign is indicating? One of the locals tried to sell my professor pot there. Awesome.

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    mark @ yelling near you recently posted Inflation is a Bitch.

  52. Before I noticed Lava Tube on the sign, I was merely going to make a joke about lost luggage. From now on, I am referring to all the biological crap that makes me emotional and indeed does discharge red liquid on occasion as “my lava tubes”. My thanks to both The Bloggess and the Cryptic Ancient Burial Airport Directory.

    (Meanwhile, “bloggess” is red-lined by the spell checker. Add to dictionary? Hell yeah!)

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    Dawne recently posted Warts and all.

  53. Hope you’re feeling better. Those ovary things really, really hurt😦

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  54. You really should take that Tiki statuette you got from Greg Brady back right NOW>

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    juliejulie recently posted How I met The Bloggess and her real best friend IRL at BlogHer.

  55. Life without ovaries is a blast…i totally recommend it. However, life with a lava tube has got to be hot.

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  56. Did you punch it back?

    Your ovary, that is.

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    Not_Supermom recently posted Fifteen.

  57. Note to self: Don’t laugh at ancient burial airports or bad things will happen to your vagina.

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    Natalie recently posted Lila and Mia Host ‘The Bidness’ – Round 13.

  58. i’ve always said beware the murderous ovary. probably working in tandem with copernicus. glad you made it thru.

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  59. Did the lava tube burn your ovary and send you the ancient burial airport?

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    Julie recently posted What Happens on the First Day Home from the Hospital.

  60. Hawaii has the best signs, particularly warning signs. So many things to do, so many places to go, so many ways you can die.

    I have learned the hard way (although not the hardest way, since I am here to type this) that the signs in Hawaii are there for a reason. They provide wise counsel. Ignore them at your peril.

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    Tragic Sandwich recently posted The Kindness of Strangers.

  61. Does anyone see the ghost otter standing near the sign? Or are my meds finally kicking in?

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    Christine recently posted My Shiny New Phone System.

  62. Seeing as how this isn’t your first run in with ancient burial grounds and major calamities, you might want to start avoiding them.

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    Elly Lou recently posted Engorged…or Georged.

  63. Your ovary couldn’t have picked a more beautiful place to go on vacation. Although, the last time I made that flight, I was 7 months pregnant, so I don’t envy your trip home.

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    Mom In Two Cultures recently posted A Day in the Life.

  64. Fuck the Vagina…

    um…

    what i meant was…

    Oh man… this is awkward.

    Glad you are feeling better!!!

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  65. –>I want to know what smart creature knew to live in a cave near a picnic area AND a bathroom?

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  66. Glad you made it home safely. Those Ancient Burial Airports can be rather tricky sometimes…

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    Lex recently posted Random Tuesday Thoughts #52: Umm, yeah..

  67. Do you think they have any space left for some old model planes?

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    tokenblogger recently posted I love it….

  68. that’s what happens when you go to an ancient burial airport and don’t make an offering. You’re lucky to be alive!

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    NINJA (bitch), CEO recently posted No Back-Up Plan, aka I’m Fucked If….

  69. I keep reading this like those old Calgon ads (“Ancient Chinese Secret, eh?”)

    Ancient Burial Airport, huh?

    Or is everyone too young to remember that ad?

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  70. Let me get this straight, the bathrooms were in the caves. No wonder your vagina was having difficulties.

    Hope you’re feeling better soon. Even with the painkillers it’s no fun.

    Thanks for the laughter.🙂

    Sia McKye’s Thoughts…OVER COFFEE

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    ~Sia McKye~ recently posted Carolyn Brown On Being 'Gracefully' Challenged.

  71. I’m guessing you had an ovarian cyst burst? I had that happen and the pain was so insane I thought I was having a tubal pregnancy. It was like the first stages of labor.

    Well, I raise my glass to good drugs and hope you are back to yourself soon.

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    Dark Mother recently posted Crazy Witch Chronicles - Momster, Strangulation & Assquakes.

  72. Blacks and beach? Is that sign racist?

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    Katie recently posted The League of Super Villains.

  73. I hating f***ing auto-immune diseases and over-exertion due to laughing to hard at something ridiculous. Feel better soon!

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  74. You’re feeling better and okay. Also? That’s a damn funny sign.

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    Beth recently posted Poem to a Cold.

  75. Well, now I got nothin’ since Amy and WebSavvyMom basically took all my lines. So, I’ll just wish you a speedy recovery and plenty of good drugs to assist in the recovery process.

    BTW, since seeing the movie “Bridesmaids”, the word “lava” makes me laugh whenever I see or hear it.

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  76. If you can’t trust your own vagina not to kill you, who CAN you trust?

    Hope you’re feeling better.

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  77. Glad you can share.

    Now I’m still wondering about the vagina story. lol

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    JamericanSpice recently posted Learning The Language.

  78. What airline flies there?

    JetBoo?

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  79. I, too, read “picnic area” as “panic area.” After going to the ancient burial airport and getting freaked out in the caves.

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  80. Oh Jenny. Hallucinogenic unicorns always make me feel better. Actually, now that I think about it, I’m usually already feeling better by the time I see them: http://pinterest.com/pin/411693894/

    I hope you feel better! Why does travel have to be such an asshole? It’s like hey, I’m fun and beautiful! Then it’s all, I hate all your parts! RAWWWR!!!!

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  81. Did the ancient airport burial ground expect you to leave your vagina as an offering?

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    Nikki recently posted Teenagers and Halloween.

  82. did you go in the cave? did your lady cave punched you while in the cave? that’s how wormholes start. You better look for polar bears and don’t talk to invisible guys named Jacob. I bet that’s the real reason weird shit happened on Lost.

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  83. Those Mayans were far more advanced than we thought.

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    Stephanie recently posted Magdalene.

  84. The sign was clearly written by a High School student and as we know anyone over 23 would be ancient to them and would probably be a seasoned traveller.

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    Tom Stronach recently posted The Great Sock Debate.

  85. If Giorgio A. Tsoukalos has taught me nothing, and he hasn’t, it’s that ancient aliens had tons of airports, and they probably buried their dead human worshippers there.

    So what you’ve really got here is a situation where Giorgio A.Tsoukalos looks like he has it pretty much nailed. Things are worse than we as a species ever imagined.

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  86. I learned last week that the tiniest things can put the hurt on you big time. I had kidney stones, you a hostile ovary. I hope you rebound soon young one.

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    Bodaciousboomer recently posted and 705 Handshakes later….

  87. I guess you could say I’m an expert in vagina murders, and it’s my hypothesis that being next to an ancient burial ground airport is no coincidence. You’re lucky to be alive, my friend.

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  88. Ah, welcome to Hawai’i. Be happy there even WAS a sign, no matter how…odd. I beat my head against the steering wheel quite often because of lack of signage that should guide me to my location.

    In all seriousness, hope you feel better. Did you hit up the Hilo hospital?

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  89. ha, Greg Brady and Scooby Doo came to mind too. I hope you heal up quickly.

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  90. 91
    Mrs. Mustache

    Its probably just a cliff they pushed people off of while screaming “Flap! FLAP!!!”

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  91. It took a long time to perfect flight. They had to put the dead planes somewhere.

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  92. Now…are only Aircraft buried there? Like old 747 or whatnot? They need to make a better sign…

    Hope you feel better!

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  93. ok, so need to know more about that sign. will be eagerly awaiting your full-recovery to get the story.

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  94. I wonder how many people have said that their vagina tried to kill them?
    Things to ponder….

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  95. Hawaii has it all! And apparently it’s all conveniently located near the airport. Score.

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    Kelly O'Sullivan recently posted If Only I Were Headed to the Beach….

  96. That’s on Maui, not far from where Charles Lindbergh is buried. That probably explains it. His ghost probably taxies down the ancient burial runway every day. You could have picked up a tax free souvenir from the ancient burial airport gift shop, something that says, “My ovaries were possessed by Satan and all I got was this lousy T shirt,” or, “My internal organs are HANGIN’ LOOSE in Hawai’i!”

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  97. HILARIOUS. I love you forever.

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  98. Found!!! RIP Amelia.

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  99. 100
    Barefoot Liz

    Cyst problem? I’m going to have to read your tweets to find out what happened.

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  100. I thought I was the only crazy one who takes pictures of weird signs on vacation! I have a picture from Mount Rushmore when they were constructing a new parking lot with two exit signs that had arrows pointing at each other. Nice, huh? 🙂

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  101. Seriously, Nicole- the sign thing in Hawaii sucks ass. It took me foreeeever to find my hotel due to the sign law. So silly!

    Jenny, I hope you feel better very soon. If you need any outside help, I am an alternative healer. Contact me if you have a need- I can also work on any depression issues if they are lingering.

    My twin had an ovarian cyst burst smack in the middle of her class in high school once. It’s no Hawaii, but I know she understands your pain.

    Like

  102. I’m sorry you’re feeling beyond crappy, but do you think you could talk to your ovary about having a chat with Michelle Duggar’s ovary? And ask it to STOP. THE. MADNESS. before her vag falls out?

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    Kelly recently posted My husband should trade me in for a new model: Episode 3.

  103. That sign is awesome.

    Hope you’re healing up okay- (and I think I may have said this way to many times in my life!) “Stupid ovaries!”

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  104. And now I’m dying to know what a lava tube is!

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    Jane recently posted 20 And Counting! Are You Freakin’ Kidding Me?.

  105. You need to travel less! It’s all that airplane air. It’s a killer.
    As we say on our side of the world, “refuah shlema!” May you have a speedy and complete recovery.

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    Sj recently posted What? Me Worry?.

  106. And here I was looking forward to pictures of feral cocks.

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  107. Hope you’re better soon. I have to confess, I first read the top one as “PANIC AREA” and I doubt that would have happened on any other blog.

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  108. Oh god, get well soon. I have come to love quietly following your blog via google reader. The idea that your ovary would be so impudent is worrisome but I’m sure you’ve got it under control now. Take care.

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  109. If you had an ovarian torsion I’m going to think there is too much weirdness going on. I just had to have emergency surgery (luckily I wasn’t in HI at the time) on my right ovary that torqued. The doctor said she hadn’t seen more than 2 in her 17 years as an ob/gyn and the day i went to the er she had two emergency surgeries to remove torqued ovaries. Weird.

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  110. Lava Tubing sounds like the hot new sport! But I think the restrooms, & possibly a burn unit might need to be much closer than they appear to be

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  111. WOW…I’m in good company then! My left ovary regularly tries to kill me, but I’m yet to be hospitalised!

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  112. I’ve been there! Sadly, it did not occur to me to take a picture of that sign. It took someone of your brilliance to appreciate the humour in it.

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  113. You made me pee.

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  114. I’m thinking you’re a walking hazard. I may have to follow twitter just to avoid your travels.

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  115. My ovaries did that once, just once, then they took a permanent vacation and were removed to a separate location, never to be heard from again. Much love to you and hope you are feeling better soon.

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  116. So wait, is that where an ancient airport is buried? Or where they launch coffins into space (ancient coffins, I guess)? Or is it an airport for zombies? Man, parachuting zombies is really the last thing we need. Way to go, Hawaii.

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  117. I hear you apologizing for being MIA, but I am not sure you really are. Oh I know your vagina tried to kill you, but what about MY NEEDS? I check every day for a post. Tell your ovaries and vagina to stop being so damn selfish cause there are people on the internet when NEED YOU. (seriously, I am glad you are ok).

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    Raye Ann Tucker recently posted confidence and insecurity.

  118. I’ve always been a little suspicious of your vagina, but I just couldn’t think of the proper way to bring it up to you. “I’ve been thinking about your vag and…” Yeah, no, that’s not it.

    be well, girlie.
    jill

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    in bed with married women recently posted The Appeal of the Experienced Lover, Or Why Older Women Are So Very Fuckable.

  119. Clearly the airport was buried by the lava tube. The lava tried to avoid it, but the sign said turn…

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  120. Hey, my hubby is a pilot, Ancient Burial Airports are no joking matter. True* story, this one pilot desecrated an Ancient Burial Airport once. He ignored all the warnings and bought the property. He dug up a bunch of planes and built a house there. Then, the dreams started. These old planes were haunting his dreams. Then, he started to see them in the reflections of glass, out of the corner of his eye and in shadows. They say he went mad talking about these old planes. He lived out his life in his dream house totally insane, muttering about “The planes, the planes, they’re everywhere, they’re coming for me” On cold, dark nights you can hear his ghostly voice warning others about the planes.

    *I totally lied. Not true at all.

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  121. That is my worst nightmare – My vagina attacking me. Because I swear it has a mind of its own just ask my husband.

    Glad you are doing better and hope you are enjoying your drugs.

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    Bleu Pills recently posted Why I'm blogging about my postpartum struggle..

  122. I hate it when that happens, glad to hear your vag has been defeated.

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  123. This isn’t confusing at all, actually. I’ve always dreamed of being buried in the cargo hold of a large jet.

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  124. 125
    Karen Merrihew

    Glad you’re feeling somewhat better- was following on Twitter.. As far as this Ancient Burial Ground Airport, were there chickens at this one as well?

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  125. did a google search for “ancient burial airport” yours is the TOP of the list but there are several pics online of what appears to be THE SAME EXACT SIGN from different angles…must be the only one in existence…lol

    Like

  126. Wtf is it about left ovaries? My right ovary behaves quite nicely, the left one though is a bitch. I have begged the doc’s to remove the f’ng thing, but because I can’t take hormone replacement they refuse. I think it is a conspiracy.

    Like

  127. Your vagina tried to kill you in Hawaii, your RA tried to kill you on another recent trip. I think the lesson here is that you need to stay home and blog for us.

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    kmkat recently posted Yarn bombed polarity..

  128. Okay, I just read that sign 3 times just to be sure I was reading it correctly. Wow, all the things they never tell you about happening in other parts of the world. Best wishes to your ovary.

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    An Island Mom recently posted Don’t Kiss the Frog: Princess Stories with Attitude, Chosen by Fiona Waters.

  129. I don’t have ovaries, but I’m pretty sure if I did, they would be docile and tame. As it stands, my testicle got what I thought was a weird lump on it in high school after the health class lesson about “checking” but as it turns out I was allowing my doctor to touch my junk so he could alert me that the lump I was feeling was an epididymis, which is part of the male anatomy.

    The thing that’s hilarious about that story? I did the exact same thing several years later in college. And I don’t even have OCD.

    *taps mouse pad seven times, spins in chair, taps mouse pad seven times, spins in chair, presses “submit.”*

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    The Weed recently posted And that's why I'm a sex worker and not an auto-mechanic.

  130. Vaginas can be fickle. Here’s hoping your settles down…
    Robyn Michele Levy
    author Most of Me: Surviving My Medical Meltdown
    http://robynlevygallery.wordpress

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  131. Truly, only the dead may fly.

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  132. 133
    Sandra (a.k.a. Sandrandan)

    Hey, what do you know? MY left ovary tried to kill me once. Damn near succeeded too. You have my sympathy. At least I was home when it happened, not on an exotic vacation!

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  133. Damn.

    After reading about a violent vagina in the first line, I was almost too scared to scroll down for the pic.

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  134. That awkward moment when you realize you used your entire name instead of a cool internet name. I’m new to all this being a blogger stalker. Just to prove I am not a complete newbie to the internet, I will use my world of warcraft name. That’s not weird is it?

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  135. I don’t understand the parentheses around Lava Tube and Ancient Burial Airport. Is it a really poor attempt to lure you into thinking that you’re actually going to a harmless beach and on a hike? I hope you feel better!!

    Like

  136. Wow. And I always thought Ancient Burial Airports would bring lots of good luck.

    Bummer.

    (Glad you’re home and hopefully on the mend. Also, I think all vaginas are trying to kill us in some way. Also again, apparently the plural of ‘vagina’ is vaginae, according to spell check. I’m not buying it.)

    Like

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  137. vagina’s are the devil. and i am also confused about the “lava tube”.

    Like

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  138. “way too high to learn” – Describes me in college perfectly.

    Like

    DogsOnDrugs.com recently posted Are You Ready For The Ballooooon Of Fiiiiire?.

  139. Were there any really old TSA spirits wanding about the place? A ghostly cavity search could be your problem, you know?

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted There Are ‘Soooooooo Cute’ Crack Puppies and Then There Are Hideously Horrid Terriers of Hate and Evil.

  140. Well, I guess if your body is going to turn on you, Hawaii is better than Lubbock.

    Like

    Heather recently posted Does it sound weird when I say Go-B-Dee????????.

  141. I wish my ovaries would take me to Hawaii.

    Like

    Lorca Damon recently posted NaNoGate: Day Four.

  142. i can’t believe you didn’t say anything about the lava tube. what in the hell’s a lava tube? hope your vajay’s ok.

    Like

    lunch at 11:30 recently posted “did you really just call me a b—jerk?”.

  143. Of course ancient burial sites have airports. How else would the ancient spirits travel to the other side?

    Like

  144. Jenny,

    When I said you had a “killer” vagina, I meant that it was amazing. It’s a common colloquialism, see #1, here:
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=killer

    You were not supposed to take it literally, geesh! Now I have to go brainstorm new things to call your vagina that you can’t misconstrue. This could take all day. You’re welcome.

    (Seriously, we need you to brighten our day (days?). Feel better soon!)

    Like

  145. Your vagina tried to kill you because you laughed over an ancient airport? Geez, touchy lil thang!

    Like

    Vesta Vayne recently posted Frogs. And, the Grammar Police is no joke..

  146. Goddammit. Now my left ovary hurts AND I want to go to Hawaii AND I don’t have any drugs. Thanks, Bloggess. But glad you are better.

    Like

  147. Oh, yikes. Nothing worse than vengeful ovaries and the wrath of an Ancient Burial Airport.

    (I was going to make a joke about the Brady Bunch Hawaii special, but I see about 23 people already beat me to the punch.) (And then I was going to make a joke about Hawaiian punch, but I decided to leave well enough alone.)

    Hope you feel better soon.

    (Oh, and Hi. I’ve never commented here before. I have occasionally lurked, and tried to resist your charms, even though 87.3% of my friends adore you and link to you and stuff. But the power wielded by the Ancient Burial Airport is too great for me to fight.)

    Like

    alejna recently posted Hong Kong trip recap: Day 5 (part 1).

  148. Damn those ovaries. Hope you are feeling better.

    Like

  149. 150
    Tom Benedict

    Hahahaha! And now you know how things work on Maui!😉

    Hope the ovaries let you get out in the water later.

    Like

  150. Does this mean lots of people died going through the ancient form of TSA? I don’t think I want to know what that would be.

    Like

    Allison recently posted A Letter to Norwegians Past.

  151. I tried sharing the story of how my left ovary tried to kill me, but when I tried to hit submit the internet broke. Anyway, you are not alone.

    Like

  152. Bummer! Had I known you were stuck in the hospital on MY ISLAND I would have brought you some… flowers…? …or poi? …or perhaps a stuffed mongoose?

    Like

  153. 154
    itsnotjosephine

    oddly enough this made me think of you…. mainly because it is completely amazing and now iwantotmakeone. or like thirty. but also because i enjoy the random postery. or pinning as it were. http://i.imgur.com/NpTIj.jpg

    Like

  154. So that’s where Jacob had “The Others”hide the plane. Guess you’ll just have to go to Kauai next time…no ovary demons over there. (Glad you’re better!)

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  155. Is this like a one time thing or are you going to name your vagina Dexter?

    Like

    cathy recently posted This Is My Companion Apple.

  156. HATE when that happens. Used to happen to me years ago so I had all my parts yanked out. THAT’LL teach em.
    feel better.
    dammit. :]

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    Mary Clark recently posted Life IS What You Make It.

  157. Hope you feel better fast.

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    LisaAR recently posted Photo.

  158. I don’t hike on burial mounds. I piss on them.

    Like

    the muskrat recently posted 6 days of glorious “mo”.

  159. I have an auto immune disease (Thyroid) and Fibromyalgia and plenty more illneses. My ovaries? They never took me on a trip to Hawaii. You better give the ancient burial site a wink and a nod in your book (btw, I posted it on my FB page” you’re welcome” . Simply because I do adore you and yes, I pre-ordered it because I really am one of those kind of nerds. Love, Laurie F.

    Like

  160. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I want to hear more about your vagina.

    Like

  161. I hate when my vagina punches me in the face. It seems so far for her to travel just to punch me. she could just talk out her frustration with me. Violence is never the answer.

    Like

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  162. And all I saw was vagina and lava tubes and I never even made it to the airport. Hawaii sounds painful.

    Like

    LA Juice recently posted LA Snapped…Beach Blanket Conspiracy Bingo..

  163. That’s what you get for wearing that tiki around your neck instead of returning it to the cave on the burial ground where Vincent Price lives. BTW, did you also get in a surfing accident and attacked by a large tarantula while you were there?

    Like

  164. sorry your body is fucking with you .. but that sign is definitely awesome… I’m super jealous, I wanna go there!

    Like

    Jaime recently posted cuz my brain isn't fully functional right now.

  165. I want to know if the Picnic area, the caves and the restroom are all one area?
    Because, ew. Avoid those caves.

    Welcome back to the continental.

    Like

    Bon recently posted Never to suffer would never to have been blessed.

  166. Maybe you were a naughty girl for not respecting the sign, but Hawai’i’s (what the fuck is that punctuation about? that can’t be right) sucko for signage either way. In other words, I’ve never accidentally ended up in a restricted military area in any OTHER state, so I’m pretty much going to blame Hawaii for that little adventure.
    In related news, The Torqued Ovaries would make an excellent name for an angry, angry band. But I’m afraid you’d hurt yourself making inappropriate jokes with a drumstick and I don’t even know how to play guitar. So yeah, hope someone else capitalizes on that gem….

    Like

  167. so is the runway made of coffins?

    Like

  168. My right ovary has been grumbling off and on for the past 6 months and I’m nowhere near an ancient burial airport. I’m about ready to just bitch-slap it and be done with it. xoxo

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    Amy recently posted Florence + the Machine.

  169. You didn’t visit after midnight, did you? I’d inquire about virginity, but I’m not entirely sure what that means. Esoterically… sheesh. I know big words and am not afraid to use them!

    Like

    Ericisnotagiantsquid recently posted Psychiatrists Rule.

  170. I’m pretty sure that burial airports are where they bury airplanes (which is all they could do with them in ancient times, because they hadn’t yet figured out how to make them fly).

    Like

    Laura @ Unlikely Explanations recently posted Time Flies Backwards, Like a Fruit Fly Avoiding a Banana.

  171. My left ovary hurts RIGHT NOW! I think there is some evil left ovary conspiracy and they communicate through social media. Damn bitch ovaries.

    Like

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  172. We miss you and hope you are FINALLY feeling human again. Chronic health problems suck ass. Seriously, they suck nasty, rotten assholes. I’m with ya darling. Waking up today felt like a nasty punch in the face while I was laying in the grave hurting from head to toe. Lame ass. BUT, we keep on keeping on for our hubbies, our kid(s) and all our friends that couldn’t live without us. We are worth it. Love and hugs!

    Like

  173. I am now officially updating my will to indicate that I require to be buried in an ancient burial airport.

    Like

  174. Uh, I grew up in Hawaii and bad luck after going to a black sand beach or burial ground is no joke. Hope things get better. Make sure you don’t take any lava pieces from the beach! (http://www.volcanogallery.com/lavarock2002.htm)

    Like

  175. i don’t know…the beach/lava tunnel is hysterical!

    Like

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  176. Love the photo! Hope you’re feeling better!

    Like

    Cheryl D. recently posted Boyfriends at 7? Yikes!.

  177. based on your ability to post, I gather that you are ok after your lady-business-mutiny. I’m sorry about the pain/drama/expense/loss of time, but I’m so thrilled to hear about it. quick recovery/enjoy the drugs! xx.

    Like

  178. Why do the ancient dead need an airport? Wait, so it was the Hawaiians who invented flight, not the Wright Brothers?

    Again, you’ve uncovered the true history of something. Even with an evil zombie killer vagina and a pugilistic ovary.

    BRAVA!

    Like

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  179. Ye gawds, maybe that’s what’s been paining me! I thought I just sprained my gut coughing last week but it IS on the left side, so maybe it was sympathy pain all the way across the Pacific. Man, that would be a bitch of a pain if I felt it all the way in WA!

    Like

  180. Welcome to The Sisterhood of the Broken Hoo-Ha.

    Like

  181. I’m trying VERY hard not to laugh right now.

    Hope you’re all mended up and better soon!

    Like

    Sarah Rooftops recently posted Unsupported Content Type.

  182. GOD I AM SO GLAD I DON’T HAVE A VAGINA.

    There. I said it. I can say it now. It took me 37 years to no longer want to have one. Also watching the Wet-St.Bernard-Through-A-Mousehole adventure of birth not once, not twice, not three, but four times.

    It is definitely better to have a penis. Not saying it’s better to be a man, just that a penis is so much easier to take care of. Shit, you don’t even really have to take care of it at all, do you?

    Hope your left ovary feels better soon. Let me know if you need to replace it with a testicle. I have two, and no longer need either one of them.

    Like

    Wag the Dad recently posted Jaime’s So Fuzzy.

  183. Ovaries are bad fucking news.

    Like

  184. Does that mean the hiking trail is TROUGH the Ancient Burial Airport? Why would you ever do that?! Every second spent there is an added opportunity to get destroyed during the landing of a ghost flight. I mean, yeah, the plane should technically go right through you, but what if it goes all poltergeist and shit? There’s a lot of ammo on a hiking trail. I once came across a whole cutlery set in the middle of the woods. That shit’ll hurt!

    Also, my sympathies to your plight caused by your vagenitals.

    Like

  185. The ovary is killer. First the sharp pain, then the shooting all the way down to the knee, then the beginnings of numb leg, then the freezing cold and the curling up to die. Hope yours is all damned better.

    Like

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  186. Yikes! That was a very odd sign (IMO). I hope you’ll recover quickly.

    Like

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  187. I sent my ovaries to university, oh I should elaborate, in a jar, mutinous bastards

    Like

  188. i laughed because at first, i thought the photo said “Panic Area” like.. oh the volcano is erupting, lava is flowing, you should start to freak and run this way towards this area… i thought that was pretty funny.

    being a woman is hard😦 sorry you are feeling shitty. will a few beers on top of those narcs help?

    Like

  189. There are a few people I want to bury every time I visit the airport

    Like

    Abby recently posted The Honeymoon Is OVER!.

  190. I hope you made your vagina your bitch for getting all uppity on you.

    Like

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  191. The last time my ovaries gave me trouble I had them removed. Showed them who’s boss!

    I also ended up in a Hawaiian emergency room one time. Turns out I’m allergic to the sun. Their recommendation for recovery was to stay out of the sun. IN HAWAII. I bought a hat, SPF 3000 sunscreen and a bottle of rum. My cure was much better, if not as effective. Stoopid rash.

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  192. The restroom and the picnic area are both in the caves, please don’t confuse the two areas

    Like

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  193. I’m concerned about the lava tube. It almost sounds like a nickname for the urethra during a bladder infection.

    Like

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  194. after living for 5 years on the Big Island, I learned that Hawaiians take their airport burial VERY seriously.

    (I swear, there’s something about Hawaii that makes your innards flare up. When we lived there, I got a UTI every 6 months, never got them before or after we moved there)

    Like

  195. Last time my ovaries punched me I had the bitches removed, permanently. I also evicted their cohort – the uterus. That’ll teach ’em to mess with me.

    That was 14 yrs. ago…and I’ve never felt better than I did the minute I woke up from that surgery.

    Or, it coulda been the morphine-pump.

    Like

    awesomesauciness recently posted Is It Just Me….

  196. I like to read the comments on your blog because sometimes they are *just as* funny as your posts. And I found Aging Girl’s comment. And then I clicked her link for her latest blog post. And when I returned here, there was a little pop-up that said 64 clicks were made on that link from that comment. And I thought, WOW! So this is the best way to advertise your own blog. Just comment on Jenny Lawson’s blog. Easy enough. So here I am commenting. But then I scrolled other pop-ups and most people get 0 hits. So not I guess I just be either aging or crazy like you. 🙂

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  197. Wow. I also think I may be drunk with the way that last line was written. How about “I guess I must be either aging or crazy, like you”. For the record, I don’t even drink. Much.

    Like

    Mamta recently posted Territorial disputes....

  198. How about a video to cheer you up?

    Like

  199. When I first read the sign I read “Lava Lube” and thought, Holy Shitballs – Talk about burning loins…

    Like

  200. Don’t piss off Pele, man. Or the Menehunes.

    Like

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  201. Hah!!! I was JUST at this beach a week ago and laughed my ass off when I saw this very sign! Hope you enjoyed Maui! It’s amazing isn’t it???

    Like

  202. 203
    Zebra Poundsworth

    You should have known better than to pick up that bad luck tiki. I hope you didn’t wipe out surfing or wake up with a giant tarantula on your chest too. And everyone knows that you have to deposit the tiki at the ancient burial airport to reverse your bad luck.

    Like

  203. Karma . . it will kick you in the ovary every time

    Like

  204. Good god. Is there anything scarier than an ovary? Mine gave me teenagers.

    SK

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  205. My favorite part is how “ancient burial airport” is apparently supposed to describe the Hiking Trail. Is it the Ancient Burial Airport Memorial Hiking Trail?

    My least favorite part is that you haven’t been well. Hope that changes quickly.

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted The Strangest Day.

  206. I’m thinking that your vagina turned on you out of utter confusion in the overwhelmingly strange options presented by this sign.

    (Of course, what I don’t know about vaginas is a lot)

    Like

    The Queer Next Door recently posted "Once Upon A Time, George and Weezie Moved to a Deluxe Apartment in the Sky".

  207. Cause…thats definitely an airport you wanna fly out of. My question is, why didn’t I know about this zombie airport??!!

    Like

    imperfectmomma recently posted cheese can be very serious.

  208. Ancient Burial Airport- Catch a flight into the wild blue yonder or dirt nap with your ancestors. Your choice only $695! Headstones, headphones, rituals, Snack Packs, and cocktails not included. Please see terms and conditions for additional details.*

    *ABA in no way bears responsibility for the division of parties at the gate.

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  209. Is it wrong that I sort of want to fly the Ancient Burial Airlines?

    Like

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  210. My vagina tends to stop just short of killing me, knowing that it can cause me more pain over the long run if it doesn’t kill me outright.

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  211. Am I the only one who read “lava lube” at first glance? I thought “thanks, but no thanks, there’s enough in life that can cause that burn” (oh the shame)

    Like

  212. Yes this is my second comment but your recent health travails combined with the fact that my asshole left ovary attacked me not too long ago have inspired me to write a limerick that I am dedicating to my right ovary, the good one. I was drunk when I wrote this so there may be one too many lines. I’m not sure though, I’m drunk now too.

    There once was a horrible left ovary.
    That felt its girl was living life too jovially.
    So that motherfucker burst.
    And the girl, how she cursed.
    Then decided she was feeling too soberly.

    So she drank a shit ton of whiskey.

    Like

    Lauren recently posted And Then I Made Up The Best Insult OF ALL TIME.

  213. This reminds me that there is a campground in eastern Ontario called “Hell Holes”. I remember being very perplexed the first time I saw the highway sign for it. I haven’t gone camping there.

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  214. Goodness. I don’t think I’ve ever typed the word vagina. Oops, I guess I just did.

    Like

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  215. I know exactly where you were, because I was there in February!

    Like

  216. Feel better soon Chickie. I’ve been leery of Hawaii since the 1970s. Remember what happened to Greg Brady…

    Like

    jenn recently posted Birds on a Wire.

  217. Damn you, John Teeter. You stole my comment. My husband was in Hawaii on “business” just a few weeks ago and came home with an exact replica of that ominous Tiki idol for my son. Since then, my son got chapped lips, I broke a nail, my husband’s shirt lost a button, we ran out of milk RIGHT in the middle of breakfast, one of my daughter’s shoelaces broke and the mailman delivered one of our bills to the wrong address. It has been HELL around here.

    But at least nothing happened to my vagina. Feel better, Jenny!

    Like

    OldDogNewTits recently posted Name Those Boobs – Manboob Edition.

  218. I think your ovary is leading a gang made up of your fallopian tube and the lava tube.
    Can you get Copernicus to give them all a hug?

    Hope you get better soon – and not just because I need the mayhem you post…

    Like

    El Guapo recently posted An Adventure – Learning to Sail.

  219. A vagina once tried to kill me…True Story….Unless you are well versed on the attack patterns of a Vagina you really can get caught off guard. I can’t even count how many times one of my friends has been mowing the lawn drinking a mojito and POW out of left field a Vagina swoops right out of the tree and thats it. Funeral for my Mr Mojito and now we have to finish mowing the lawn. Just a wast of a good Saturday YA KNOW! I really blame the education system. Wasting our time with Calculus and not even a “How not to get seriously injured by genitalia” class…Hell at least make it an elective. Just saying..Think about it. Peace out bitches!

    Like

  220. The day after I decided on a hysterectomy, my uterus tried to kill me, inflicting major hemorrhages and cramps. Since I’d made arrangements for its eviction, it was going to take me with it, or die trying. I don’t think I offended any ancient spirits, but I loved the photo!

    Like

  221. Hawaii is my home! We live on Oahu. My husband is a paramedic and picked someone up recently with the same symptoms. Had I known …you would have heard a crazy woman screaming in the background…”Wait, wait! What about Beyonce!!! Did you bring her on the flight!”
    Good times…Hope you feel better soon. The world needs your verbal earthquakes.

    http://www.RebeccaLK.com

    Like

  222. Just spoke to the hubby…he said his patient was swearing up a storm! lmao.
    The unidentified patient was not from here and said she did not care about the hospital.

    Things that make you go hmnn….
    http://www.RebeccaLK.com

    Like

  223. Thoroughly disappointing at this very moment because I WAS IN HAWAII THE SAME TIME YOU WERE AND NO EPIC VAGINA ATTACKS OCCURED

    Like

    Twisted Housewife recently posted Consolation Prize and Pot Cake.

  224. WHAT – You’re in Hawaii? That is amazing. I was born and raised here, and I just need to tell you, on behalf of Hawaii, that you are AMAZING and I consistently have no idea what is going on in my 9AM Tuesday lecture, because that is when I check your weekly wrap up – and then (not-so) quietly laugh to myself in the middle of the classroom while the person next to me slowly moves further and further away. I love you. Thank you for existing.

    Like

  225. Sending Goddess blessings flowing strongly your way…

    To infinity and beyond!

    Prevail~Tattoo Girl (dancing in the falling leaves)

    Like

    Tattoo Girl recently posted The Full Beaver Moon.

  226. Yup, it’s the Brady Bunch curse.. that sign is your evil tiki.. your vagina tried to kill you instead of a surfing competition. You best check all your shoes for Tarantulas!

    Like

    Julie E recently posted Can It Be? No it can't. Really? Well, maybe..

  227. Just tell me, for sure, that you didn’t take any rocks home with you!

    Maybe it’s me, but it makes perfect sense to me that there’s an ancient burial airport that way. I mean, look at those trees!

    Like

    Em recently posted Younger, older, just right.

  228. PS: Just to repeat this: feel better! That does sound very painful and not fun at all.

    Like

    Em recently posted Younger, older, just right.

  229. How did I miss this on my trip there???? I so would have gone! Hell, I would have flown out of there.

    Like

    Karen Hawks recently posted I did!.

  230. I’ve only been punched by my ovaries once, and it was brutal! Hope you’re feeling better soon.

    Like

    sarina recently posted We will never forget.

  231. My uterus tried to kill me more than once. I’m so glad I had the doctor cut the thing out and incinerate it. Of course, then I had to deal with lovely people telling me how sad it was that I must not feel like a woman anymore now that I had no cervix/uterus/ovaries/fallopian tubes. I should have told them it’s easier to survive without female reproductive organs than it is to survive without a brain.

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    Laynie recently posted Galaxy Nails.

  232. flying freaks me out enough as it is… now I have to worry about ancient burial airports? That sucks…

    Like

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  233. Damn. Get Well Soon – I miss you! xoxo

    Like

  234. Since you are posting random crap, I decided to post random crap. I want to thank you for the picture of wil wheaton collating. I have used it when random companies have contacted me about jobs that do not in any way correspond to my education as a chemist. They are all the make money at home scams and require my bank account info before I sign any papers. I am tired of getting them because I post my resume on monster.

    Like

  235. Hey, I have seen that sign before. Is that from the state park right near Hana in Maui? Thank you for capturing how ludicrous it is!

    Like

    Jill recently posted The miracle cake diet.

  236. Jeez, didn’t you see that episode of “The Brady Bunch?” The Hawai’ian spirits will fuck you up.

    Like

  237. I’m sensing another book in your future: Hospitals of the Western Hemisphere – The Travel Guide. Victor can write a guest section on Mexico, and you can include a wallet-sized pull-out on medical treatments available on cruise ships. I hope you’re remembering to take pictures of the food. You’ll need those.

    Like

  238. I hope you’re feeling better!! I pre-ordered your book in sympathy; I don’t know about you, but money from strangers ALWAYS improves my day. Tell your ovaries to stop being such dicks. Or something.

    Like

  239. Now I’m gonna wonder all day what the hell an ancient burial airport is. But I refuse to laugh about it…because I don’t want to piss off my ovaries.

    Hope you’re feeling better!

    Like

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  240. I feel like we’ve all learned a very good lesson here…

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    Paula @ thewilyweez recently posted Fuck You Fridays: In Which The Universe Jacked Off All Over My Life.

  241. I hope you are okay!!!! xo

    Like

    dee recently posted Plant the seeds for relaxation at Yoga Garden.

  242. My left ovary has also metaphorically punched me in the face recently! It’s like we’re ovary twins. Or ovary soulmates- Ovamates.
    There. I said it.

    Like

    Britt recently posted I say, "Potato", you say, "Let's run the world with pigeons.".

  243. Well, the Vikings used to send off THEIR dead in longships. So why NOT use aeroplanes?

    Like

    Claire J recently posted Where are all the Chicks?.

  244. So is that where all the ancient flying contraptions are buried? I’m not sure this is entirely necessary in the world, but I mean, good on them for the obscure tourist attraction…

    By the way if Hawai’i trys to kill all women via their vaginas, the tourist rates are significantly going to decrease. Thanks for the warning and I hope you are doing better!

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    Renee recently posted I’ve decided to make this all my brother’s fault…..

  245. Lol! Now that’s funny!

    Like

    Megan recently posted Why you shouldn’t drink bottled water.

  246. I just found your blog yesterday and literally spent hours reading your posts, laughing myself to tears at least four different times. Your book immediately went on my wishlist! You are fantastic!

    Like

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  247. So glad you found Copernicus’ homeland.

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  248. 252
    AnonymousConglomerates

    Sometimes dead is better…

    Like

  249. I laugh, & LOVE you every time for these. You inspire me to work my own (considerable) insanity. Your blogs work my abs, diaphragm, imagination & heart.

    Like

  250. Alarmingly, we see that uterus punches also happen to men in New Zealand.

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted There Are ‘Soooooooo Cute’ Crack Puppies and Then There Are Hideously Horrid Terriers of Hate and Evil.

  251. How come I never get those flights. NYC to Texas via Hawaii. My last flight was Seattle to Dayton, OH via long layover in Baltimore. I did hear of one flight from Fairbanks to Anchorage via Juneau(weather), Vancouver, BC (fog) Seattle (fog) Portland (fog), SanFrancisco (fog) Las Vegas landed. Good thing the fuel tanks were topped off in Fairbanks. Passengers requested the jet be buried in the desert.

    Like

  252. I guess that answers the lifelong question I’ve had, “Where do airports go when they die?”

    Glad your ovary didn’t win!

    Like

    Christine recently posted Attack of the Ice Maker.

  253. FEEL better! (and thanks for the giggle!)

    Like

    Lori Luza recently posted Vegan “Trashcan” Chili.

  254. I am so confused.

    I am glad you’re okay though.

    Like

    Nikki recently posted Begging for forgiveness..

  255. Just in case you are not up to posting your week in review tomorrow, I shall do it here for you.

    1.Went to Hawaii
    2.Ziplined
    3. Was nearly killed by my own vagina.

    Yep, you are going to have to come back tomorrow, sorry. I suck at this. Feel better soon!

    Like

  256. Mm Hm–there’s probably a reason why they want you to walk past the ancient burial airport on the hiking trail. You were probably lucky to have escaped with your life! Glad you’re ok though…

    Like

  257. OMG! That is lol material!

    Like

    Brittany recently posted Speakers Charles Moore and Mike Biddle- Our Plastic Problem.

  258. WELL WISHES TO YOUR VAGINA!

    Like

  259. Kind of like that Brady Bunch episode where all hell breaks loose when they go into the caves on their Hawaiin vacation. Or, maybe I’m remembering it wrong. Hope you recover soon!

    Like

    When Pigs Fly recently posted Pearls of Wisdom Is What I Like To Call It.

  260. I hate it when my body tries to kill me.
    My gall bladder completely ruined a trip to the Great Wolf Lodge.
    Like, worse than a regular trip to the Great Wolf Lodge.

    Like

    Anne (@notasupermom) recently posted How To Freeze Mashed Potatoes Now For Thanksgiving.

  261. I’ve just stumbled upon your blog by googling Beyonce…odd I know, but I’m intrigued by your writing style and the prospect of more kitten algebra!

    Like

    divadevotee recently posted Album review: Rihanna "Rated R"+ "Loud" = "Talk that Talk".

  262. Wait, The Wright Brothers are buried in Hawaii? Who knew?

    Always figured them for a more grassy, flat farmland kinda resting place… the digging is way easier for one, what with not having to deal with all that lava…

    Like

    Indignant Rant recently posted Movie scores: they're doing it wrong..

  263. What’s up? Did your vagina thing work out? And how is Hawaii? Can you go to the beach with your homicidal hoo hoo, or is it really, really bad and am I making myself look like an asshole just even typing that?

    Like

    wagthedad recently posted Am I Icky?.

  264. That is one informative sign.

    Like

    Therese recently posted Photograph Comparison.

  265. My daughter told me about The Bloggess…..and what you did for Christmas last year. How wonderful that !
    You are fantastic and I adore your sense of humor!

    Like

  266. I hate when my vagina tries to kill me.

    Like

    kim recently posted Be Gone, Evil Christmas!.

  267. Talk of your vagina and ancient burial airports gives a whole new meaning to the term “landing strip”.

    Hope your vagina has stopped being such a c***!

    Like

    LynnDee recently posted Why Not Having Your Cell Phone Is a Bad Kind of Naked.

  268. 5 years ago, I moved into a house that was built on an ancient burial airport. It was plainly haunted. There were strange sounds and sometimes the whole building would shake. There were strange smells, the spectral sound of a child screaming and a metallic, incomprehensible voice.

    One night, I was coming home from the pub when there was a loud, inhuman roar and the whole upper story of the house flew apart right in front of my eyes. Through the dust, I thought I saw a huge white shape flying away.

    Like

    Bonnie recently posted The Amazing Adventures of Candleboy.

  269. You never fail to crack me up. Don’t ever get on meds, okay? We NEED your brand of crazy.

    P.S. You might think about submitting your story to a screenwriter. VAGINAS ATTACK!

    Like

    Danielle recently posted Shrinky Dink 'n' Me.

  270. If your ovaries and my ovaries were to hang out they would make for one bad arse gang. Mexican drug lords would have nothing on the shit that these little guys would rip up.

    Like

  271. From my experience, this is a fairly typical sign for Hawaii.

    Like

    ladykatza recently posted Finding Inspiration.

  272. Is this at Hana?! I was in Maui at the same time as you! I did R2H on the 11th….had I known you were around I might have attempted some friendly stalking. Probably for the best…

    (It is Hana! Good eye. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  273. I must admit, I love your blog. Every post has me laughing hysterically.

    Like

    Kellie recently posted 5 loves on monday.

  274. Been there!

    Like

  275. So yeah, I’m a geek. I had to look this up. I HAD TO KNOW THE ANSWER OKAY??

    The hiking trail leads to lots of lovely places including lava tubes and a blowhole (mind out of the gutter, people) and ocean caves and the black sand beach but apparently as you get farther out past the Ancient Burial Grounds the trail abruptly ends at the security fence for the Hana Airport. The trail used to go all the way around the island of Maui so that the King could survey his land.

    Also in the caves somewhere is a princess rock seat. This all sounds so awesome on this maui guide book site but yet all so fucking terrifying to get to. Warnings such as “don’t stand next to the blowhole” and “to see the caves you might have to go under water for a minute and the water is cold” or “This area has many lava tubes and caves – you should be somewhat careful when walking around as some areas may be just a thin, crumbling sheet above a cave. ” FUN.

    You’re not allowed to touch certain things (but they don’t tell you this) and you’re not allowed to take anything natural from the island or you’ll be cursed. Hence the murderous vagina. Whatever you took Jenny, take it back LOL.

    Like

    Dangerous Lilly recently posted The Rabbit Vibrator: An Essay (Or Buying Guide).

  276. I just looked at your photo essay – I did that ziplining course as well, and I think the same luau. Sweet!

    PS. There is a new disclaimer on the zombie gnome website that they do not ship to Hawaii, and an explanation regarding international shipping. This is because of me. Apologies to all.

    Like

  277. idk what a lava tube is but it sounds kinky.

    Like

    Goradde recently posted One hot day..

  278. HOOOOWWWW did your vagina try to kill you???

    Like

    Shoegirl recently posted Failing Miserably at Blogging Daily.

  279. You were in Hawaii, by Hana… My best friend moved over there 12 years ago. Did you stay at Hana Hotel? Her hubs is a manager there. If you ever come to Oahu, I can show you around.

    Like

    Pseudo recently posted Almost Blogging.

  280. My cat’s vaccination reminder arrived on the same day as my gynaecological knees-up reminder. I decided that we should swap appointments.

    Like

  281. Ok, that’s hilarious… We just got back from a week in Maui, and saw this very sign on a journey you’d be proud of (or at least respect just how truly stupid we were.) We took the road to Hana. The *back* road. Around the mountain. On the washed out one-lane roads. In a Mustang convertable. Evidently, we don’t have the makings of a functioning brain between the two of us, especially after my deathly-afraid-of-heights bride went into shock after about the 100th hairpin turn on a cliff.

    I seriously think that if you offered to give me $1 million in cash if I picked it up by car in Hana, I’d still have to tell you to fuck off. The drive was epic fucktardery. Beautiful, to be sure, but industrial-grade fucked up.

    Like

  282. 288
    bluesabriel

    Ok, I had to revisit this post, because I think my ovaries tried to kill me the other day and, daaaaaamn, do I sympathize with that now. I didn’t end up in the hospital, but I am definitely going to an gyno, stat. I thought normal cramps sucked.

    Like

  283. That looks like Wai’anapanapa State Park. It’s a very beautiful place with odd signs.

    … often ignored odd signs.

    Like

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