SOMEONE GET ME A LAWYER. And a sandwich. And a sandwich for my lawyer, because I don’t like to share my food.

In 2008 I wrote about my revolutionary idea to advertise on the side of stray, shaven cats:

An excerpt: “…It’s moments like these that make me want to quit blogging and tweeting, and instead find a less complicated way to communicate with the world.  Like throwing leaflets off my roof, or tattooing random thoughts on stray cats.  Except I’d have to shave the cats first so I could tattoo them, and when their fur grew back you wouldn’t be able to see the blog posts I’d written on them any more, which would totally suck.  So really I’d need to tattoo those hairless, sphinx cats, except that their wrinkles would probably cover up part of my writing whenever they sat down…so if I wrote “I’d pummel Hitler with rocks!” it would just look like “Hitler rocks!” and then all these hairless, suspected-nazi cats would get shot.  Then later the gunmen would examine the dead cat and actually see that they were mistaken, and then they’d have to live with the guilt of killing an innocent cat who did not think Hitler rocked at all.  So to keep the cats safe I’d have to make tiny sandwich boards for them to wear around with my blog posts written on them.  It’d be hard to comment on though and there would be no spam control, so probably by the time you found one of my stray, sandwich-board cat posts it would be covered with badly scrawled viagra adverts…”

(You can read the full story here:  “Tell Me a Cat Wearing a Sandwich Board Wouldn’t Be Entertaining.  You Can’t.  But please be aware that this was years before I realized how commas work.)

One year later, Warner Bros. began advertising on the side of cats, and was lauded for their innovation in “catvertising”.  In July of this year I wrote about this abomination of justice, which I entitled: “In fairness, calling it ‘catvertising’ was a pretty brilliant idea.  Still suing though.”

Four months later, john st. advertising agency creates this video, entitled Catvertising:

Someone get me a damn lawyer.

**************

In non-related news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up.  Let’s get started, shall we?

What you missed on my sex column (which is vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a total douche-canoe:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on zombie-centric-shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by the awesome people at DrinkNeuro. My favorite is NeuroSun, which tastes like margaritas if you mixed it with more margaritas.  Victor’s favorite is NeuroSleep because it makes me shut up.  I’m waiting until they come up with NeuroStopBeingSuchAnAsshole.  I’m pretty sure they’re working on it.

186 replies. read them below or add one

  1. If you posted on pigs then the legibility wouldn’t be nearly so much of an issue. Of course there aren’t many pigs just cruising about as cats do. But since they’re so much larger you could write a lot more.

    Like

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted How bad could it be with a rogue maid and a gauntlet of lesbians?.

  2. I have a lot of lawyer friends. Get ready for a fuck storm of attorney sounding stuff. Allegedly. Legally speaking. Objection. Strike that. Due diligence.

    Like

    John B recently posted comeback? shnock it off!.

  3. Going now to pre-order your book for my Kindle. I freaking love the internet. ?

    Like

    Karen W recently posted I'll just blame it on being lazy.

  4. I don’t love that it made my heart into a question mark though. WTF internet? (that one is supposed to be a question mark)

    Like

    Karen W recently posted I'll just blame it on being lazy.

  5. Obviously there is a mole among us. And not the scary “watch it to make sure it doesn’t get bigger every year” kind of mole.

    Like

    Christy recently posted Grey Hair.

  6. I’ve been shootin’ the shizz with some intellectual property lawyers as of late. It’s a jungle out there.
    I’d say bring more than 2 sandwiches; it’s gonna be a while.

    Like

    Lady Estrogen recently posted Anonymous, motherfucker!.

  7. I’d totally pay attention to ads if they were on cats… You should totally sue.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Conversations with my Vagina.

  8. Catvertising was a genius idea – you have been pooped upon like yesterday’s litter. Get that lawyer on the horn ASAP!

    SD
    TheSimpleDude.com

    Like

    Simple Dude recently posted Gorillas Make Great Salesmen.

  9. Sue the bastards!! Send the summons on a pony.

    Like

    TriGirl recently posted May I Present: "A Drawing for a Drawing" Drawings!.

  10. So, I pre-ordered your book thru the iBook store on my iPhone. Now, how the heck can I get you to autograph the inside cover when it arrives??

    On a different note, yours is the second biography I will read this year about someone I greatly admire. The first was Steve Jobs. Does this mean you have to die before yours is actually published?? Fuck, I hope not!!!

    Like

    Hstrykid recently posted The Nashville Flood – Reverb10 – Day 3.

  11. Well, you clearly have no choice: innovate. Create a pamphlet: The Truth About the Origins of Catvertising. Attach three cats together to create a tri-fold. You can have that idea, for free.

    Like

    Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted Disney survey from the Future! The roast futurebeast was delicious, thank you for asking..

  12. I totally have your book on my wish list. My hubby is pretty awesome about buying stuff off my wish list, so I will have it in my hands once it’s available! I hope you’re feeling better after your body tried to kill you. On the catvertising, I totally think you have a case! 🙂

    Like

  13. That sucks! They stole your idea. When people do that in the glass world we have a great way to do deal with it. We talk nasty about them on the Internet until they sue us. You are half way there ( btw, I am reading all your old blog post, I am about 120 pages back so far, wish me luck!)

    Like

  14. How about giving cats a voice? From what the video looks like some cats definitely thought what my cat was thinking when I took the picture… :p
    http://janzweitdraussen.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/DSC_4881.png (granted, she already felt like protesting because her meowing did not get her the food she wanted but was not supposed to be getting for another hour.)

    Like

  15. Oh, and I’m glad Amazon listened to me and put your book out on Kindle🙂

    Like

    TriGirl recently posted May I Present: "A Drawing for a Drawing" Drawings!.

  16. Bodaciousboomer has a good suggestion about using pigs — you could *dress* them as cats, to get the best of both worlds!

    Imagine the kind of ad rates you’d get for a tattooed pig,dressed as a cat, perched on Beyonce’s head!

    Like

  17. I second TriGirl’s comment… Send in the Summons Pony!!!!!

    Like

  18. YAY! I’m buying it on Kindle right now. I already pre-ordered the hardback version so I can make you sign it. You are going on book tour, right? Because if you aren’t I’m going to have to stalk you at your mailbox. I’ll be the one wearing bunny slippers.

    Like

  19. If this goes down and you get a lawyer and the catvertisement agency gets sued please post the court feed because this will be epic.

    Like

    Twisted Housewife recently posted Heater blankie and Can can dancing.

  20. Are you SURE you don’t have a 12-year old by you lost? My alleged “son” said, about 2 months ago: “Hey, let’s get one of those hairless cats and draw tire tracks on it for a Halloween costume!”.

    Like

    Aimee W recently posted Monkey Boy and the Uncle of Bad Influence.

  21. Holy shit. There’s a glitch in the matrix. Deja vu. RUN!

    Like

    mark @ yelling near you recently posted Our Fellow Traveller, Waldo.

  22. You know how comma’s work?!?!!!??? You totally rock. Get a lawyer and sue them all.

    Like

  23. Oh Come, on I was looking at the photo essay and all the photo’s are tagged as taken by you, even the glamorous one of you reclining with your glasses on, looking totally radiant on the hospital bed, and you still say you are not a supernatural goddess, I don’t think so. xxxx

    Sue the arse of them girl clearly your idea on the cats…..

    Like

    Tom Stronach recently posted Roast Lamb with a little kick.

  24. I think it’s pretty gangsta when you can throw up a catvertising video, make a few quips, make people laugh then call it a day.

    Also, I went back to your 2008 post and left a comment there that no one will read. You’re not the only one who can be gangsta.

    Like

  25. I think you totally have grounds. I’ll represent you. I’m not a lawyer but I wanted to be one when I was younger. Which is absolutely just as good.

    Like

    Hamlets mistress recently posted The Online Book Club.

  26. I second Carrie’s trifold-cat-pamphlet idea.

    Like

    Christy recently posted Grey Hair.

  27. Haha…my day job person in charge of filtering is a douche canoe….gotta hit this up from the night job…the one where the boss is cool…(Yeah, it’s me, but sometimes it feels good to say at least ONE of my bosses is cool.)

    Like

  28. Every time I read “Tonight we part as if we all had ponies” I can’t help but imagine it being said in Neil Patrick Harris’s voice. Then he’ll follow it up with “Pony – wait for it . . . monkeys!”

    Like

  29. Why not just glue the cats together in the shape of your company’s logo or mascot and send them out that way? Nothing to wash off, no need to change the message. It could be like the Nike swoosh, everyone knows what that is.

    Like

    Gutmeister recently posted TGIF – Thank Gutmeister It’s Friday.

  30. 1) I’m fairly sure I’ve had a tropical itch before. Refreshing is not the word.
    2) Steep Cliff, Fatal Drop should be available as a floor style safety sign. I’d buy 200 and put them everywhere; in front of the toilet, in front of cracks in the sidewalk, in elevators, and on guys named Cliff.
    3) Your ovary has me completely freaked out. In the photos it shows a picture of a frayed rope, then you in the hospital. From these clues, I’ve concluded that your ovary attempted sabotage during the zip lining adventure. Did the ovary try the rope on rope trick or did it have a nail file or something? I’d suggest keeping an eye on that one, and avoid placing sharp objects/weapons near your cooter where your ovary might be able to reach them. I also suggest we lobby for new safety stickers. They will say “keep away from ovaries” and will be placed on things like duct-tape and plastic bags.

    Like

    Teresa recently posted This could be exciting, if you have a low threshold for excitment..

  31. Although I am a lawyer who also cannot stand to share food, I also don’t like sandwiches very much, so I’m afraid I can’t help you. Sorry.

    Like

    Nathan recently posted Because Nino Said Yes, the Chief’s Saying No? To What Extent Does a Justice’s Vote Depend on the Others’ Votes?.

  32. “rememberable” that is the funniest part!

    Like

    Larry Lourcey recently posted 5 Reasons Why You Would Be CRAZY Not To Sign up.

  33. What about Honey Badgertising? You know, for companies that don’t give a shit.

    Like

    Amanda recently posted A Song For the Full Moon: Creedence Clearwater's Bad Moon Rising.

  34. This is a CATastrophic situation Jenny! =)

    Like

    Megan recently posted Exciting & Educational Weekend.

  35. I think you should go around branding all cats with the Trademark symbol, just to make sure no one gets any ideas in the future.

    Like

    DogsOnDrugs.com recently posted Weekly Hypothetical – Can You Explain String Theory?.

  36. UNLEASH THE LAWYERS! Funny your blog is about stolen intellectual property today as I am posting about a similiar issue on my blog. I may need the bloggess lawyer team as well, lol. It seems that someone stole some pics off my blog, posted them on theirs as their own and is now waging war with me because I dared to point it out on her blog! I probably should have checked with you before I started this whole blogging nonsense, but you were busy trying not to die in Hawaii. Glad you are back home alive and well.

    Like

  37. listen. I’m about a year and a half away from being a lawyer. When i pass the bar. I will totally help you sue those bastards who stole your catvertising idea.

    Like

  38. The review on B&N reads:

    She’s famed on the Internet as the Bloggess (“like Mother Teresa, only better”) and also writes an (I hope) tongue-in-check parenting column and a self-styled satirical sex column that must be sizzly because my office computer denies me access. Here, Lawson revisits her rural Texas childhood. With lots of media attention expected and comparisons to Chelsea Handler, this book is one to watch.

    Tongue-in-check – that is so totally not you.

    Like

  39. Catvertising WAS a genius idea – sue away friend.

    Like

    Devan @ Accustomed Chaos recently posted Bringing The Giggle Back into Life.

  40. When I read the part of the mistaken killing of the cats because they were not really Nazi cats after all, my coffee shot out of my nose and I coughed until my own cats gathered ’round to see what the heck was going on. I think I may have ruptured my sinuses but it was well worth it.

    Like

    "Susan Says..." recently posted How to Make People Remember You at the Mall.

  41. The zombie alphabet is missing a D. WTF, I say… WTF!

    Like

    GardenPheenix recently posted I suck at blogging lately….

  42. I don’t drink coffee …. but I could drink rum from that mug.

    Like

    Gina aka Slappy recently posted Just Call Me Lumpy.

  43. I like to think there might be secret messages under my cats’ fur.

    Like

    Average Jane recently posted Average Jane Is Squicked Out.

  44. I’m here for you.

    Like

    the muskrat recently posted like 10 elephants. or one of jesus’ friends..

  45. I am shocked and offended on your behalf, madam. SHOCKED AND OFFENDED I SAY. Clearly this is copyRONG. On another note, I may need to buy your new pony shirt…

    Like

    Don't Poke the Crazy recently posted I haven't occupied anything recently, but I may have accidentally crushed a bank employee's spirit.

  46. Honestly, there really is no originality in advertising these days. Next thing you know stores will be sending cats in the mail with the weekly advertisements stapled to them. Instead of billboards, they’ll just throw cats at your car as you drive down the interstate. Instead of coupons? Cats with bar codes. There will be no escaping the cat-capitalism.

    Like

    JessicaZombie recently posted Weekly Awesomeness Report (Pie Edition)..

  47. –>I think you should sue. Or create something for people who are allergic to cats.
    Wait, someone already has?

    Nevermind.

    Like

    WebSavvyMom recently posted When Bowling Balls Attack.

  48. Can’t you just use the same lawyer you used to sue the chick who was rockin’ your rollers-in-the-hair look?

    Like

    awesomesauciness recently posted I’m A Little T-Vexed….

  49. Commas are overrated. Cats are underrated. It’s a tie.
    Oh, my cat is ready to work for you. He’s obese so he’s going to charge you double for the extra advertising space. Meow.

    Like

    Kelly O'Sullivan recently posted Breakfast with Katharine and Spencer…and Michelle Bachman.

  50. Awesome awesome awesome!! (But I’m still holding out for a copy that comes with a desk-size Beyonce.)

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted Attack of the Killer Scrapbook: A Guest Post by Jane Roper of Baby Squared.

  51. I think my fave part of the video is where the guy is more worried about the bottle of booze falling to the floor than the cat itself. Way to look after your staff guys.

    Like

    Jax recently posted AWOL.

  52. I’m an intellectual property attorney and could really use a sandwich. No joke.

    Like

  53. @tamaratattles, What is with people stealing pictures from blogs?

    Like

  54. So excited about your book. I will totally pre-order that baby for my Kindle. A big congratulations to you for finishing it. Hopefully my procrastination won’t prevent me from reading it. But hey, if I start trying now I might be able to sit down long enough to read it once it actually comes out.

    Like

    Jennifer recently posted Mommy Needs Her Quiet Time!.

  55. …by popular demand) this morning you can pre-order it on Kindle, NOOK Book and Apple.”

    YES! The Internet RAWKZ!

    ~EdT.

    Like

    EdT. recently posted <i>The Next Iron Chef:</i> Ingenuity.

  56. I want a sandwich, too.

    (See that comma? It’s correct!)

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Pruning Roses.

  57. Wow. Just wow. You are brilliant. They, however, are nothing but copy CATS!

    Like

    Devon recently posted Up On The Roof by Devon Stewart.

  58. Amazon UK aren’t listing the Kindle version of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” on their site. 😦 I want to pre-order so bad I might spring for the hardcover!

    Like

    LondonS recently posted Spin Away.

  59. I saw a double rainbow my first day in Maui (on my only trip to Hawaii)… it’s a magical place. 🙂

    Like

  60. OMG, you absolutely HAVE to sue. I know a lawyer. Or… not. But SOMEONE here does, right?

    Like

    Gurukarm (@karma_musings) recently posted How Would You Survive?.

  61. You know, Jenny, Warner Bros. still puts out a lot of content aimed at children. If you were to suggest to them that selling ads on the sides of pussies might get them some unwanted attention from the PTC, they might release the idea back to you. This would have the added benefit of making the PTC looks even more like total idjits than they normally do. Win-Win, in my book!

    ~EdT.

    Like

    EdT. recently posted <i>The Next Iron Chef:</i> Ingenuity.

  62. Your cat post was hysterical, and I’ve decided that if I want to be a responsible adult, I can no longer read anything you write or share whilst in the graduate library. My fellow grad students apparently get annoyed by spontaneous laughter and the occasional snort during study time. Party poopers. Fortunately for you and I, I don’t care at all about being a responsible adult. So I shall continue reading. Thanks for the laughs.

    Like

    Kimberly recently posted Not-Quite Proudest Parenting Moments.

  63. I just purchased “The Loving Dead” and am SO excited to read it!!! Here’s the synopsis:
    Kate and Michael are roommates living in the Oakland hills, working at the same Trader Joes supermarket. A night of drunken revelry changes their lives forever, but not in the way that anyone would expect. A slow-spreading plague of zombie-ism breaks out at their house party, spreading amongst their circle of friends, and simultaneously through the Bay Area. This zombie plague – an STD of sorts – is spread through sex and kissing, turning its victims into mindless, horny, voracious killers. Thrust into extremes by this slow- motion tragedy, Kate and Michael are forced to confront the choices they’ve made in their lives, and their fears of commitment, while trying to stay alive and reunite in the one place in the Bay Area that’s likely to be safe and secure from the zombie hoards: Alcatraz.

    Like

    Suz recently posted My first art blog text post!.

  64. Jenny, I’m your lawyer, but I am also a cat-vocate for non cruelty to amin-imals… I can see advertising on the side of a Muppet, Copernicus or female genitalia, but kittehs? Well. that retainer is gonna be HUGE. But because Someone has to fight for your right, I can take the case. So make your check out to “Cats against the cruelty in Catvertising” or “cash”.

    Like

  65. You don’t want a lawyer that eats sandwiches. You want a lawyer that eats other lawyers’ lunches. Or eats other lawyers. Wow, you want a Zombie Lawyer (which would be a good name for a rock band) because then you wouldn’t have to file all those boring papers and wait for the judge to look at stuff and decide and you probably don’t have to pay a zombie lawyer by the hour but maybe just by the brain. (I don’t know the ethical rules for zombie lawyers, but I will look it up). Totally think you should advertise for a zombie lawyer.

    Like

  66. Side note for some of your other readers (RBIOU.) – HOW hard was it not to mention meat and wallets in a comment on this one?

    Like

    LA Juice recently posted Re-enacted (mostly) for My Amusement.

  67. Where is the Zombie “D”?

    Like

  68. Should finish browsing the pics before commenting..I stayed at the same hotel with my boyfreind on our 15th anniversary a couple years ago! That place was beautiful. We may have even gone to the same urgent care, because I managed to shatter my knee doing a volcano bike ride while I was there. Hope you are feeling all better!

    Like

    cynthia recently posted Nooooooo.... El Buli.

  69. What you really need to do is create your own patent agency so you can protect your brilliance as it comes to you. Also, after watching that video, I got sucked into watching “Related Videos” and learned that I can stop my baby from screaming by playing Notorious B.I.G.

    You learn something new everyday!

    Like

    Jenna@CallHerHappy recently posted 30 Years.

  70. Please, oh please, can we get the book in the Android book app?!

    Like

  71. Ugh, and I kid you not, the same Luau!! We should be BFFs.

    Like

    cynthia recently posted Nooooooo.... El Buli.

  72. You look radiantly happy in your Hawaii pics. You never see pictures of people in Hawaii where they aren’t smiling and happy. Even in the hospital in pain and on drugs you have the Hawaii “glow”…

    I was one of the many who demanded your book on Kindle. I’m so happy they listened! I’m adding that to my Christmas list!!🙂

    Like

    StephanieH recently posted Settling into my plant-based world.

  73. I always thought it would be a good idea to sell advertising on the back of churchgoers’ heads. Think about it. You’re in church. You’re starving. The guy in front of you has an IHOP logo on the back of his head… or a picture of a Grand Slam with a lower than normal value price. You are done and you know it. I would like to be the first to offer my headspace for a very reasonable rate.

    Like

    MayoPie recently posted Weirdest Gift Ever And I Love It.

  74. You should put a really bad idea like, I don’t know, advertising on tv (if it wasn’t already taken) on your site and if THAT suddenly happens, you KNOW they are stealing from you. If it doesn’t happen then you won’t know for sure that they aren’t stealing. They might just have the logic to know advertising in stupid places like tv, magazines, signs, movies is a stupid idea.

    On a good idea note, therapists should totally advertise on the side of individual Prozac (etc) pills. All refills come with free magnifying glass. PS, you can have that one. Free of charge.

    Like

  75. Wait, my comment is awaiting moderation? New feature or am I just special? Not bothered, you maybe should mod.

    Like

  76. You are just getting ripped off left and centre.

    That’s right. centre with an “re”/

    I’m Canadian like that, yo.

    _______________________________

    Like

    Stephanie C | Seriously? Really?? Seriously? recently posted An Open Letter To Canadian Tire:.

  77. OMG! Brittany Gibbons introduced me to The Zombie Love Song a few weeks ago. I immediately downloaded it to my ipod, and now every evening I walk my dog and listen to it repeatedly. I’m fairly certain my neighbors already questioned my mental state, but walking around singing “If I were a zombie, I’d never eat your brains,” takes it to a whole new level.

    Like

    Rachel recently posted American Heroes.

  78. You are obviously a thought leader. Have you considered advertising on Zombies. Although they might eat the brains of many of your potential customers. They are a unique way for you to get your massage out there. This may start a cat-add vs zombie-add turf war though. Hmmm. we need to give this some more thought.

    Like

  79. I’m pretty sure that if anyone tried to advertise on my unsociable, cantankerous cat they would lose an eye. And probably a nose. And she has no front claws so you know she’s pissed off already.

    Like

    Jaime recently posted Homemade Friday: Rosemary’s Shawl.

  80. Can I just say I look forward to reading your blog and sometimes over and over again. Too funny.

    Thank you,

    CAT

    Like

  81. I couldn’t help but notice that most people featured in that “catvertising” video were men. Just one more instance of men denying your brilliance just because you’re a woman. Is Victor behind this? Can you prove that he’s not selling your ideas to the highest bidder?

    Like

    Diana Lark recently posted Why I Don't Have Birthday Parties Anymore.

  82. I’m having a similar issue, not with cats, but with my trademark Life Sux®. So, I decided to stir the pot and post the bastards info on my blog http://www.lifesuxx.com/blog/ (which is new & sorry, I have a thing for lots of commas ). I’m trying to “find” a Pro Bono attorney ( s t o p l a u g h i n g, they do exist, right?), but so far I’ve only been contacted Personal Injury lawyers who want to know how I “fell down” when I received the news. I would like to say I think your idea of tattooing the cats is an awesomely original idea, but am a bit concerned of how you would actually go about sedating them for the necessary shaving? Maybe put a little rum in their milk? Do cats get drunk? Rock on Bloggess!!!

    Like

  83. How ’bout “dogvertising”?

    Like

    Aging Gal recently posted Aging Gal Turns One Year Old.

  84. To be fair, cats are knida hard to control. They’d wander any which way, and then all that money into demographics research would just go straight down the drain.

    Like

    Katie recently posted Let's clear this up..

  85. this comment has little to nothing to do with your post…. i am extremely allergic to cat dander but would like a house companion for my cockapoo while im at work. another dog would be too much. having done my research i came to the conclusion that a hairless sphinx cat is outragously exspensive… i guess my question is would it be cruel to get a normal cat and just nair it every 2-3 weeks? also i would have no qualms with you posting on it. win win right?

    all the best
    Tiamaria from saskatchewan, canada

    Like

  86. my Godness, that Zombie song is amazing. I know a hit when I hear one!

    Like

    debby recently posted Dag 102 – Keep it simple. (I would… if only I knew how).

  87. There is no letter D in the Zombie Alphabet and it’s making the crazy in side of me scratch, scratch, scratch to get out and fix it!

    Like

  88. SOMEONE NEEDS TO DIE, Jenny. Someone. Needs. to Die.

    Like

  89. Updated the Zombie Alphabet. Now with more “D”s.

    PS. I love you people.

    Like

    Jenny the bloggess recently posted SOMEONE GET ME A LAWYER. And a sandwich. And a sandwich for my lawyer, because I don’t like to share my food..

  90. “Meow.” That was my cat who swears HE came up with the idea before even you did. He’d like to get in touch with you about a class action.

    Like

    BatSheva recently posted French Fries and Nachos.

  91. I love that there was a glimpse of the Inbred Cat in this video. That’s my favorite thing of 2011. So much so that I tried to dress my cats up like that for Halloween, but it was a big failure. There’s always 2012.

    Like

  92. Put Beyonce outside their main offices with a court summons in her mouth.

    Like

    Abby recently posted The Honeymoon Is OVER!.

  93. Dood…we need to write somebody or something. Ooo maybe a boycott…of….someone….

    Yeah…thats just like this comment…shot down quickly.

    Love that zombie font! Must put on my blog somehow

    Like

    imperfectmomma recently posted racing cars.

  94. Have you heard about the tattoo visionaries who are leasing out their bodies to companies in exchange for thousands of dollars in cash, or in the case of Goodyear, a set of free tires? It may sound extreme until you consider the people who, for a price, sell their organs (not the kind in their living room). Relatively speaking, the tattoo for tires deal doesn’t seem like such a bad one.

    Like

  95. Why did you have to mention sandwiches? Now I really want a sandwich.

    Like

  96. PLEASE buy this. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/htf/2288729704.html

    Although this was posted to Best-Of in March…I have high hopes it’s still available.

    Like

  97. The zombie full of love book, Warm Bodies, is fabulous, by the way. I picked it up on a whim at the library, and found it to be lovely.

    I must say, Ms. Bloggess, ma’am, that you are also lovely, and I find you a wonder.

    Like

  98. I’m trapped in a hospital with a drugged hubby and can you believe they have blocked your sex column? Obviously they are douche-canoes.

    Like

    Amy recently posted 11/11/11.

  99. You seriously need to patent all your brilliant ideas before someone starts mass producing and selling Beyonce the Chicken dolls. You know someone will and they’ll get filthy rich doing it!

    Congrats on your book by the way! Sooo exciting! Can’t wait to check it out!

    Like

    karen recently posted I Want A Twisted Sister Wife For Christmas.

  100. Remember when I told you on Twitter that I have two ponies? Probably not because I’m only one of thousands of crazy assholes who stalk you but anywhoo… I have two horses. You can have them. Just pretend they’re ponies. Seriously, those damn things are expensive and their food bill is cutting into my wine fund.

    Like

    Carri recently posted Grandma Doesn’t Look a Day Over 96.

  101. Screw the dildo collection…I want that big-necked bird.

    WTF?

    Like

    Carrie recently posted I had no clue they made 4:30 am…but I know now..

  102. Damn Corporate America, stealing your ideas and stuff. Although to be fair, catvertising is pretty good…wait, is that like calling dibs? They titled the concept therefore it’s theirs? Hmmm…ya, you need a lawyer to sort it out.

    Like

    Vesta Vayne recently posted Everyone’s a winner.

  103. Well, obviously they stole your basic idea. But did you see how they’re using all this complicated, expensive, high-tech equipment? And you were going to just put sandwich boards on the cats.

    Advantage: Bloggess

    Clearly, your approach will prevail. (If you can just figure out how to keep the Viagra pushers from scrawling their spam on the cats.)

    Like

    Brian the Kwyjibo recently posted I'm Like Ernie's Uncle Sid.

  104. I started playing the john st. video and my cat Maddie planted herself in front of the monitor and watched it from start to finish. I think they’re on to something.

    Like

  105. Remorable? Really? What some people won’t do to make an acronym work. meow.

    Like

  106. I don’t think anyone’s going to be able to top the little kitty at 2:00 minutes.

    Like

    Victoria Mixon recently posted 3 Vital Steps to Creating Your Protagonist for NaNoWriMo.

  107. Maybe you should use rats? Of course, you wouldn’t get much on each one, so you could end up with blogging dyslexia. Additionally, they don’t really like people so only bums would read you, and dang it there isn’t much money advertising to the homeless. Lastly, you could give otherwise nice words like “fluffy kitty” a bad lasting impression. But shaved cats sounds way more fun than tiny sandwich boards!

    Like

    WilyGuy recently posted Sunday, YouTube Sunday.

  108. So happy you were not killed in a helicopter crash while touring mountainous environs in Hawaii.

    Like

    Cathy D. recently posted Best Fort Wayne: Rollerdoming.

  109. I LOVE your pictures! Also, I want your Pony shirt…but its so expensive.😦 I’m glad you’re feeling better. Plus…did you SEE The Walking Dead last night! EEP!

    Like

    Lesley recently posted Fairy Tales: My Weird Day.

  110. I foresee a need for a picture of Wil Wheaton’s cat collating papers.
    BTW thanks for the ponkey (mony?) that you gave me at your twitter surprise party. I named him Sparkle McGee and regifted him to my mother-in-law. Long story short, my holidays are now a lot less stressful.

    Like

  111. While the Zombie Song is cute, it’s not nearly as good as the previous Zombie Love Song you made reference to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCVMuevcCvY (by YourFavoriteMartian).

    The catvertising video, however, is priceless. Darn near as good as the cat-herding commercial from a few years back in the Super Bowl.

    Like

  112. Do they make NueroPussy for the non-creative cowards that blatantly stole your idea? Just wonderin…

    Like

  113. 113
    Nashville Bill

    A bought a book and I get a drunken grope from a gorgeous, hilarious woman? Hot damn.

    What happens if I buy a case of ’em?🙂

    Just sayin’…

    Like

  114. Every time I read about the red dress, I get teary-eyed. Jennie, you are made of awesome!

    Like

    Brenna recently posted Burning Down the House.

  115. i don’t share my food either.
    the only thing that i share is my life with a dog.
    i’m very selfish.🙂

    Like

    nicole recently posted gwendolyn’s new baby sister!.

  116. Strangely I have no abbreviation for this: OH. MY. GOD! Undoubtedly, technicalities abound…

    Like

  117. oh, I know just how you feel. I hate it when my brilliant ideas are stolen by giant greedy corporations, just out to crush the souls of us innovative geniuses. The list of surefire prize-winning ideas stolen from me is long and distinguished, and includes diapers that look like clothes, a human breastmilk factory, a DIY dental kit, a scheme to draft legislators instead of military personnel, and some truly stunning beauty secrets, just to name a few. And can you believe it, NOT ONCE have I been recognized by the Nobel Prize committee. OUTRAGEOUS.

    Like

    Anna recently posted Jake and Henry.

  118. Oh man. Perhaps you should just try a new animal. I like deervertizing. However, it is hunting season and you may have to risk your ads being shot down.

    Like

    Brian recently posted And this is why..

  119. I DO have a pony. He’s pretty awesome. Does this mean I can’t wear your t-shirt?

    Like

    Christina recently posted More Yummy Type.

  120. Had to watch all the Guy on a Buffalo videos…awesome. Truly awesome! BTW, my ovary hates me too and I told my husband he needed to buy the mug for me for Christmas…except I don’t drink coffee or tea and hot chocolate is too hot…maybe I can just drink water out of it?

    Thanks for being the kind of awesome the rest of us are afraid to be!

    Like

  121. A friend of mine shared this with me: http://all-that-is-interesting.com/post/4956385434/the-first-zombie-proof-house
    And we both wanted a zombie-proof house. But the zombie love song may have changed my mind and now I’m settling for true zombie love. Thanks! Screw you house, let the zombies come to me! But only the ones who really love me. And won’t eat my brain.

    Like

  122. So, I was looking at your newest cards in your shop and noticed that under the “Other Items You Might Like” category they were promoting a number of Edgar Degas cards. You, my dear Bloggess, are now associated with the likes of Edgar Degas! Congratulations!

    Like

  123. Lawyers are pussies. You need to get a seriously bad-ass hippo on your team. May I recommend Humphrey?

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted There Are ‘Soooooooo Cute’ Crack Puppies and Then There Are Hideously Horrid Terriers of Hate and Evil.

  124. Please keep us posted on how the legal fight goes. Years ago I wrote and emailed a brief essay to a bunch of friends about the future of videophones, and I said that, among other things, in the future people would put up fake backgrounds behind their videophones to make their homes look more impressive. Six months later there was a commercial with Jason Alexander trying to impress a girl he’s video chatting with by having his dog hold up a picture of the New York skyline behind him.

    Yeah, I definitely should have sued.

    Like

    Christopher recently posted It Wasn't All a Dream..

  125. Yeah, that video is just taking crazy cat lady to a whole new level.

    Congratulations on the book. I’m glad the lawyer part was not in reference to that recent success.

    Like

    Kathy Eich recently posted Another Cat Fight, Another Abscess.

  126. I cant wait to leave my kids my collection of dildos.

    And what do you think is so special about the one stored at the Bank of America?! Must have diamonds on that shit! (My vagina shudders in horror).

    Like

    alaina recently posted Free Wallace..

  127. I’m sure you know enough lawyers. Just pick out out and go a’ suin’. It’s fun, I would think. I keep trying to find ways of suing the combined churches of America for fucking up my sex life as a teenager, but I’m not sure if sexual gratification is a constitutional right.

    Like

    Wag the Dad recently posted Men Are Supposed to Earn the Money (Angie v. Dad Monday).

  128. First kitten mittens, now this??? You need to put out a patent on all things cats and kittens. Then you’ll save on lawyer fees, and lawyer sandwich fees. Done.

    Like

  129. Catvertising – I’m surprised the Kardashian’s haven’t gone that route (bad pussy jokes aside, of course).

    Like

    Becky Rice recently posted Medic!.

  130. Bastards! Sue them all! (although some say imitation is the best form of flattery. Or something close to that).

    Like

    FranceRants recently posted Celebrity Cabbage Patch Kids.

  131. I’d like to order the book for my Kindle, but then I can’t get it autographed.
    Well, you could, but that would impair the screen function.

    Like

    Anne (@notasupermom) recently posted Beautiful Handmade Jewelry Etsy Giveaway.

  132. Okay, first – your pictures were AMAZING and you look gorgeous! Hawaii looks good on you, girl! And, secondly, GUY ON A BUFFALO? WTF? That is my new favorite thing on the net. I’m singing that shit all day! “Guy on a buffalo, got punch that cougar in the face!” Thank you Jenny, from deep down in my twisted, childish soul. I needed that.

    Like

  133. I am an attorney and will gladly take your case. Also, the sandwich. I’m kind of peckish.

    Like

    Suniverse recently posted Book Review Tuesday.

  134. Please tell me you’re now a fan of the serial comma. If you’re not, this is never going to work out between us.

    Signed,
    Johanna
    http://bumbumgerms.blogspot.com/

    Like

    Jo recently posted Are You There, God? It's Me, Jo..

  135. Maybe you need to move on to “kid-vertising” now. Perhaps start with tantrum-planting: “But, Mommy, I really need a Quaker Chewy 90 Calorie Granola Bar with chocolate chips NOWWWWW!” And let the bucks roll in.

    Like

    Jill recently posted Angry baby on board.

  136. You should always keep your lawyer hungry. Great pictures of Hawaii!

    Like

    Jeane recently posted We’re missing the dong and it’s somewhat disconcerting.

  137. 137
    Barefoot Liz

    Catvertising wouldn’t work because size matters. Um…er… You know what I mean. I think advertising on houses (in high traffic areas) may be a better idea.

    Like

    Barefoot Liz recently posted My Barefoot Books Atlas Giveaway.

  138. I’ll totally be your lawyer. I like my sandwiches sans mayo, please.

    Like

    Crusty recently posted The severed heads of Asian men will adorn my new home.

  139. My advice would be not to hire Christina. She seems to have a tenuous grasp of the English language and punctuation.

    Like

  140. Mee-wow! They’d better watch out. That is such a clear case of infringement that you could probably handle it in pro per (that means by yourself, I think). Then when you won, you could whack your Easy Button and totally annoy the losers. What? You don’t have an Easy Button? I have a hard time believing that.

    I used to not get Pinterest. Now I do. Your pins are great. That alpaca one just cracked me up!

    Like

    XLMIC recently posted Rewarding the Faithful....

  141. Hungry Hungry Hippos are just like cats and should feature prominently in your advertising mix. You can get a LOT more copy on their sides and you don’t have to shave them. Mind the teeth, tho.

    Like

    hogsatemysister recently posted Hungry, Hungry Hippos Will Eat Your Face.

  142. Zombie Love Song is total awesomeness; Guy on a Buffalo is, too. Thanks, Jenny!😀

    Like

    Amy recently posted Skyrim.

  143. Well, copyright your “using commas” idea, STAT.

    Also, I read “viagra adverts” as “vagina adverts” which could also be a good idea. Provided the vaginas advertised upon were getting seen a lot. My own married one would be of a total waste of advertiser money. Okay I will stop talking about my vag now.

    *suddenly remembering the internet is forever*

    Like

    in bed with married women recently posted This is Kind of A Strange Question, But Does Your Teddy Bear Have A Boner?.

  144. What will be the next? Dogvertising!

    Like

    Frank Sanchez recently posted Dermagist Promotional Code.

  145. Wishing you all the luck in your catvertising fight! Here’s hoping you emerge with minimal scratches!

    Like

    Jane recently posted For The Love Of God. No More News Videos. Please!.

  146. I love the zombie love song. That is the best!

    Like

    Domestic Debbie recently posted Extreme Kiddie Birthday Parties.

  147. Needless to say, you forgot to add the little R with circle around it which I can’t do on this interface (blog post) so you would have been copyrighted, which is how you clearly got ripped-off. Your lovely, weird brain does need its own copyright or maybe patent pending, actually since it is clearly a moving part – a marvelously moving part but definitely….um..moving.

    Like

  148. You know, you could just write dirty words on cats with Nair.

    Like

    ooohsomethingshiny recently posted So, I Expected Zoe Keating to be Amazing and Talented..

  149. Not surprised at all. The ad company lacks a certain… integrity.🙂 Covered them earlier in a pitch I received. Bad John St. Bad.
    http://www.girlmeetsgeek.com/2011/09/24/rethink-your-pitch-my-qa-with-a-national-brand-over-breast-cancer/

    Like

    Kate-Madonna recently posted {Discounted}: Our high expectations of low prices….

  150. We definitely need to get the Zombie song on iTunes!! I would love it as a ringtone…your pictures of Hawaii are amazing:-)

    Purple Stinky Onion(PSO)

    Like

    Jenny recently posted Mice, A Cat and a Python, Oh My!!!.

  151. My mom threatens to sue everybody AND has a terrible memory. So when a slab of granite fell on her knee and broke it, she had legitimate grounds, but couldn’t quite remember the sequence of events and had used up all of her suing chances to not sound crazy. But I’m not calling her crazy. No, no I’m not. She just didn’t wait for the right moment.

    So I ask you, Is this your moment? Can you remember all the things?

    Like

    Jell Jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown recently posted EB in the Hill Country: Day 2..

  152. This is fucking bullshit. Catvertising thieves!

    Like

    Sarcasm Goddess recently posted The Tragedy of All Tragedies.

  153. Meow!
    English humour. Sorry. Don’t sue.

    Like

    HerMelness Speaks recently posted I Am Closing Comments On My Blog.

  154. The “cat-vertising” was featured on a Canadian morning show this morning….

    Like

  155. I just had a mild panic attack because I didn’t know what my next stop was on the internet train. I literally had my head in my hands wondering where I could have been all excited to go, although I couldn’t remember at that precise moment. I’m not really sure if it was here, but I ended up here anyway, and it is always a comfort. That sounds really hokey, but it’s totally true. I wouldn’t lie to you. On bad days, I go back through old posts and laugh my ass off. Who doesn’t love a Snuffleapagus, really? And I can read the Chester A. Arthur news story over and over and marvel that the reporter didn’t ask you about the taxidermied head sitting next to you.

    And it was a good reminder to pre-order your book. Which I really need to come out sooner than April. Like, next Thursday would be grand. Sure, it’s Thanksgiving, but more importantly, it’s my birthday!

    Like

  156. OK, so I remembered. It was to watch a video on YouTube. Coming here was way better.

    Like

  157. Hi – I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog(are there people who don’t love your blog? Will you ever disclose where the bodies are?) and although I’m sure you’ve already been offered this a billion times and could care less, I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award: http://caridwen.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/im-an-award-winning-blogger-and-no-one-is-more-surprised-than-i-am/ Thanks for putting out such a great read!

    Like

  158. Those rat bastards.
    Cats were MADE for advertising and YOU were made for advertising on cats. Or at least you were made for thinking up the idea. Or you were made for other things, one thing amongst them this brilliant idea. Sue.

    Like

    Joy Ribisi recently posted Teacup Pincushions.

  159. My favorite part is where you talk about commas. I sort of have a grammar/punctuation/syntax fetish. I once heard an old guy on NPR use the word “Promethean” in a sentence and I said I’d marry him. But of course, he didn’t know that, becase he was on the radio and I was in my car.

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted Steve Jobs Tried to Save My Soul (But Then He Died)..

  160. You totally remind me of that great character Billy Blazjowski!!! He too had awesome ideas!

    Like

    Jenn recently posted It’s Not A Doll…It’s An Action Figure!.

  161. Oh, and I’m dating The Squeeze. That’s important to remember, too.

    Like

    Dana the Biped recently posted Steve Jobs Tried to Save My Soul (But Then He Died)..

  162. thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou for making your book available via the Kindle. Now my impatient butt just has to wait until April…ugh. I hate waiting!
    Side note: I’ve been Waiting an extra 15 days to go to Thailand for a year (see my blog) and now I’m going on Friday. That’s in TWO FREAKIN’ DAYS….
    I will take you with me by way of my computer by way of your blog.

    Keep it up funny lady! I love it.

    Like

  163. I was delighted to find your blog when a friend of mine shared your metal rooster post on Facebook. In the last two days I’ve spent nearly 10 + hours (a majority of those hours at work) reading your blog from the earliest post in 6/2007 to the epic: They’s Just Tits Y’all! The only problem is that it seems I’ve developed a slight case of ADD from being directed and redirected to your many photos, videos, and other blogs.
    I went to bed last night asking the powers that be to send me a best friend like you. Everyone needs your humor in their life. You’re incredible: never. stop. writing.
    – from one of your MANY adoring (not psycho stalker) fans

    Like

  164. I wonder how many people will find your blog by googling tattooed shaven pussy?

    That guy on a buffalo tune is really catchy, innit?

    Like

    Mr Farty recently posted If You Liked It Then You Should Have Put A Ring (Or Five) On It.

  165. you make me smile🙂

    Catvertising… hah

    Like

  166. If I can get my cat to wear a neon sign, do I get a cookie?

    Like

    Erika Marie recently posted My Baby Like Whoa.

  167. Yay for your book! So exciting and I can’t wait to read it!!

    Like

    Melody recently posted A Dark Place.

  168. First of all, you were ROBBED.

    Secondly, is ‘rememberable’ a word? There are too many syllables to make it seem legit…

    And how much would it suck to be the intern that has to change the litterboxes. I’d be like ‘fuck this, I’m working at McDonalds!’

    Like

    Renee recently posted And that’s why I always have a camera around my family.

  169. You need Caveman Lawyer. He doesn’t understand our fancy technology, but what he DOES understand is human emotion.

    Like

  170. LOVE the coffee mug. Can you make one for me but change ‘Ovary’ to ‘Lung?’

    (Stupid Lung Mass. Ruining a perfectly good boob blog.)

    Like

    OldDogNewTits recently posted I forgot to mention yesterday that I am not a smoker.

  171. *Don’t* put a bird on it. Put a cat.

    Like

    Claire J recently posted Travel Essentials of the St Andrews Lynx.

  172. you are one motherfucking trendsetter, miss jenny.

    Like

    Goradde recently posted One hot day..

  173. You need a fucking patent attorney for that shiz!!! You’re so ingenious and evil, dare I say evil genius! I shall take two Party as if we Had Ponies shirt…..

    Like

    Becca recently posted She Said, “I Didn’t Have on my Glasses..”.

  174. Thank you for this idea (which is totally and completely and originally yours and no one else’s) I am currently making tiny sandwich boards for my two dogs. Because those two little lazy asses seriously they need to start pulling their weight around here. I mean, if they continue to insist I take them on like four walks a day, the least they can do is advertise my shitty blog while I do it.

    Like

    Lauren recently posted Don't feel sorry for him. He knew EXACTLY into what he was getting. I almost said "He knew EXACTLY what he was getting into" but the idea of ending a sentence in a preposition made me shudder..

  175. I’m sorry, is this for real? this catvertising video…i mean…is it real?? Fuck, i have written about and photographed and made thousands of videos about my freaking cats. I want to work with those people…but, not until you get your money.

    Like

    nicole recently posted Attempting to get strong with that crazy bitch in 30 days (halfway through).

  176. Congrats on your book!! I am pre-ordering on my Nook as soon as I get home from work:)) By the way, that catvertising video was the best thing ever. Although, yeah, you should definitely sue.

    Like

    Jessie recently posted Farewell ’til December!.

  177. You better add the Swedish to your lawsuit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7vXP3tHzhA), unless they are producing cats you assemble at home using nothing but a supplied allan-key, then it’s probably a whole different ball game and not worth the time and effort. In any case, you best pack some cat food for that meeting with the lawyer or else you may have to share your sandwich with his associate Mr Purr.

    Like

    JJ @ 84thand3rd recently posted A Banana & Almond Butter Stuffed French Toast Celebration.

  178. I don’t usually comment, but I had to say that I’m so happy to see the pre-order available for Nook. I’ve clicked “tell the publisher you want this” numerous times for Nook, but never saw it happen before. Hurray! Going to pre-order now.

    Like

  179. More bloggings please. No pressure, but my husband asked me for a divorce two weeks ago and you’re one of the things helping me hold my shit together.

    Like

  180. So I poked my nose on over to the Amazon page for your book and found that people frequently buy your book and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 at the same time. This probably means that you are disturbed like Harry Potter, who (spoiler alert!) had two souls in his body, one of which was mortally evil, but he exorcised it himself in the end. No pea soup necessary.

    Hope you take care of that second soul soon, and congratulations on the immense popularity of your book!

    Like

    SavvyChristine recently posted Lily Helps with the Compost.

  181. GASP!!

    You’re book’s available as a NOOK book?!

    ::falls over, dies::

    Like

    Not_Supermom recently posted Take That Self-Esteem and Shove It.

  182. http://www.kxan.com/dpp/news/local/internet-cat-fight-snares-filmmaker

    apparently these guys took your car advertising? Seems like you’ll need multiple lawyers.

    Like

  183. cat*

    Like

    megan recently posted The Message..

  184. I’m a newbie here and I think you’re totally awesome! Every time I read your posts I totally crack up! Thanks!!!

    Like

  185. Usually I don’t learn article on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to take a look at and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, very great post.

    Like

    what is the next oblivions recently posted 1.

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