SOMEONE GET ME A LAWYER. And a sandwich. And a sandwich for my lawyer, because I don’t like to share my food.

in blogging about blogging again, Let's Pretend This Never Happened, no one thinks this is funny but me, weekly reruns

In 2008 I wrote about my revolutionary idea to advertise on the side of stray, shaven cats:

An excerpt: “…It’s moments like these that make me want to quit blogging and tweeting, and instead find a less complicated way to communicate with the world.  Like throwing leaflets off my roof, or tattooing random thoughts on stray cats.  Except I’d have to shave the cats first so I could tattoo them, and when their fur grew back you wouldn’t be able to see the blog posts I’d written on them any more, which would totally suck.  So really I’d need to tattoo those hairless, sphinx cats, except that their wrinkles would probably cover up part of my writing whenever they sat down…so if I wrote “I’d pummel Hitler with rocks!” it would just look like “Hitler rocks!” and then all these hairless, suspected-nazi cats would get shot.  Then later the gunmen would examine the dead cat and actually see that they were mistaken, and then they’d have to live with the guilt of killing an innocent cat who did not think Hitler rocked at all.  So to keep the cats safe I’d have to make tiny sandwich boards for them to wear around with my blog posts written on them.  It’d be hard to comment on though and there would be no spam control, so probably by the time you found one of my stray, sandwich-board cat posts it would be covered with badly scrawled viagra adverts…”

(You can read the full story here:  “Tell Me a Cat Wearing a Sandwich Board Wouldn’t Be Entertaining.  You Can’t.“  But please be aware that this was years before I realized how commas work.)

One year later, Warner Bros. began advertising on the side of cats, and was lauded for their innovation in “catvertising”.  In July of this year I wrote about this abomination of justice, which I entitled: “In fairness, calling it ‘catvertising’ was a pretty brilliant idea.  Still suing though.”

Four months later, john st. advertising agency creates this video, entitled Catvertising:

Someone get me a damn lawyer.

**************

In non-related news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up.  Let’s get started, shall we?

What you missed on my sex column (which is vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a total douche-canoe:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on zombie-centric-shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

This week’s wrap-up sponsored by the awesome people at DrinkNeuro. My favorite is NeuroSun, which tastes like margaritas if you mixed it with more margaritas.  Victor’s favorite is NeuroSleep because it makes me shut up.  I’m waiting until they come up with NeuroStopBeingSuchAnAsshole.  I’m pretty sure they’re working on it.

187 thoughts on “SOMEONE GET ME A LAWYER. And a sandwich. And a sandwich for my lawyer, because I don’t like to share my food.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. If you posted on pigs then the legibility wouldn’t be nearly so much of an issue. Of course there aren’t many pigs just cruising about as cats do. But since they’re so much larger you could write a lot more.

  2. I have a lot of lawyer friends. Get ready for a fuck storm of attorney sounding stuff. Allegedly. Legally speaking. Objection. Strike that. Due diligence.

  4. I don’t love that it made my heart into a question mark though. WTF internet? (that one is supposed to be a question mark)

  5. Obviously there is a mole among us. And not the scary “watch it to make sure it doesn’t get bigger every year” kind of mole.

  6. I’ve been shootin’ the shizz with some intellectual property lawyers as of late. It’s a jungle out there.
    I’d say bring more than 2 sandwiches; it’s gonna be a while.

  10. So, I pre-ordered your book thru the iBook store on my iPhone. Now, how the heck can I get you to autograph the inside cover when it arrives??

    On a different note, yours is the second biography I will read this year about someone I greatly admire. The first was Steve Jobs. Does this mean you have to die before yours is actually published?? Fuck, I hope not!!!

  12. I totally have your book on my wish list. My hubby is pretty awesome about buying stuff off my wish list, so I will have it in my hands once it’s available! I hope you’re feeling better after your body tried to kill you. On the catvertising, I totally think you have a case! 🙂

  13. That sucks! They stole your idea. When people do that in the glass world we have a great way to do deal with it. We talk nasty about them on the Internet until they sue us. You are half way there ( btw, I am reading all your old blog post, I am about 120 pages back so far, wish me luck!)

  16. Bodaciousboomer has a good suggestion about using pigs — you could *dress* them as cats, to get the best of both worlds!

    Imagine the kind of ad rates you’d get for a tattooed pig,dressed as a cat, perched on Beyonce’s head!

  18. YAY! I’m buying it on Kindle right now. I already pre-ordered the hardback version so I can make you sign it. You are going on book tour, right? Because if you aren’t I’m going to have to stalk you at your mailbox. I’ll be the one wearing bunny slippers.

  20. Are you SURE you don’t have a 12-year old by you lost? My alleged “son” said, about 2 months ago: “Hey, let’s get one of those hairless cats and draw tire tracks on it for a Halloween costume!”.

  23. Oh Come, on I was looking at the photo essay and all the photo’s are tagged as taken by you, even the glamorous one of you reclining with your glasses on, looking totally radiant on the hospital bed, and you still say you are not a supernatural goddess, I don’t think so. xxxx

    Sue the arse of them girl clearly your idea on the cats…..

  24. I think it’s pretty gangsta when you can throw up a catvertising video, make a few quips, make people laugh then call it a day.

    Also, I went back to your 2008 post and left a comment there that no one will read. You’re not the only one who can be gangsta.

  27. Haha…my day job person in charge of filtering is a douche canoe….gotta hit this up from the night job…the one where the boss is cool…(Yeah, it’s me, but sometimes it feels good to say at least ONE of my bosses is cool.)

  28. Every time I read “Tonight we part as if we all had ponies” I can’t help but imagine it being said in Neil Patrick Harris’s voice. Then he’ll follow it up with “Pony – wait for it . . . monkeys!”

  29. Why not just glue the cats together in the shape of your company’s logo or mascot and send them out that way? Nothing to wash off, no need to change the message. It could be like the Nike swoosh, everyone knows what that is.

  30. 1) I’m fairly sure I’ve had a tropical itch before. Refreshing is not the word.
    2) Steep Cliff, Fatal Drop should be available as a floor style safety sign. I’d buy 200 and put them everywhere; in front of the toilet, in front of cracks in the sidewalk, in elevators, and on guys named Cliff.
    3) Your ovary has me completely freaked out. In the photos it shows a picture of a frayed rope, then you in the hospital. From these clues, I’ve concluded that your ovary attempted sabotage during the zip lining adventure. Did the ovary try the rope on rope trick or did it have a nail file or something? I’d suggest keeping an eye on that one, and avoid placing sharp objects/weapons near your cooter where your ovary might be able to reach them. I also suggest we lobby for new safety stickers. They will say “keep away from ovaries” and will be placed on things like duct-tape and plastic bags.

  31. Although I am a lawyer who also cannot stand to share food, I also don’t like sandwiches very much, so I’m afraid I can’t help you. Sorry.

  36. UNLEASH THE LAWYERS! Funny your blog is about stolen intellectual property today as I am posting about a similiar issue on my blog. I may need the bloggess lawyer team as well, lol. It seems that someone stole some pics off my blog, posted them on theirs as their own and is now waging war with me because I dared to point it out on her blog! I probably should have checked with you before I started this whole blogging nonsense, but you were busy trying not to die in Hawaii. Glad you are back home alive and well.

  37. listen. I’m about a year and a half away from being a lawyer. When i pass the bar. I will totally help you sue those bastards who stole your catvertising idea.

  38. The review on B&N reads:

    She’s famed on the Internet as the Bloggess (“like Mother Teresa, only better”) and also writes an (I hope) tongue-in-check parenting column and a self-styled satirical sex column that must be sizzly because my office computer denies me access. Here, Lawson revisits her rural Texas childhood. With lots of media attention expected and comparisons to Chelsea Handler, this book is one to watch.

    Tongue-in-check – that is so totally not you.

  40. When I read the part of the mistaken killing of the cats because they were not really Nazi cats after all, my coffee shot out of my nose and I coughed until my own cats gathered ’round to see what the heck was going on. I think I may have ruptured my sinuses but it was well worth it.

  46. Honestly, there really is no originality in advertising these days. Next thing you know stores will be sending cats in the mail with the weekly advertisements stapled to them. Instead of billboards, they’ll just throw cats at your car as you drive down the interstate. Instead of coupons? Cats with bar codes. There will be no escaping the cat-capitalism.

  49. Commas are overrated. Cats are underrated. It’s a tie.
    Oh, my cat is ready to work for you. He’s obese so he’s going to charge you double for the extra advertising space. Meow.

  51. I think my fave part of the video is where the guy is more worried about the bottle of booze falling to the floor than the cat itself. Way to look after your staff guys.

  54. So excited about your book. I will totally pre-order that baby for my Kindle. A big congratulations to you for finishing it. Hopefully my procrastination won’t prevent me from reading it. But hey, if I start trying now I might be able to sit down long enough to read it once it actually comes out.

  55. …by popular demand) this morning you can pre-order it on Kindle, NOOK Book and Apple.”

    YES! The Internet RAWKZ!

    ~EdT.

  58. Amazon UK aren’t listing the Kindle version of “Let’s Pretend This Never Happened” on their site. 🙁 I want to pre-order so bad I might spring for the hardcover!

  61. You know, Jenny, Warner Bros. still puts out a lot of content aimed at children. If you were to suggest to them that selling ads on the sides of pussies might get them some unwanted attention from the PTC, they might release the idea back to you. This would have the added benefit of making the PTC looks even more like total idjits than they normally do. Win-Win, in my book!

    ~EdT.

  62. Your cat post was hysterical, and I’ve decided that if I want to be a responsible adult, I can no longer read anything you write or share whilst in the graduate library. My fellow grad students apparently get annoyed by spontaneous laughter and the occasional snort during study time. Party poopers. Fortunately for you and I, I don’t care at all about being a responsible adult. So I shall continue reading. Thanks for the laughs.

  63. I just purchased “The Loving Dead” and am SO excited to read it!!! Here’s the synopsis:
    Kate and Michael are roommates living in the Oakland hills, working at the same Trader Joes supermarket. A night of drunken revelry changes their lives forever, but not in the way that anyone would expect. A slow-spreading plague of zombie-ism breaks out at their house party, spreading amongst their circle of friends, and simultaneously through the Bay Area. This zombie plague – an STD of sorts – is spread through sex and kissing, turning its victims into mindless, horny, voracious killers. Thrust into extremes by this slow- motion tragedy, Kate and Michael are forced to confront the choices they’ve made in their lives, and their fears of commitment, while trying to stay alive and reunite in the one place in the Bay Area that’s likely to be safe and secure from the zombie hoards: Alcatraz.

  64. Jenny, I’m your lawyer, but I am also a cat-vocate for non cruelty to amin-imals… I can see advertising on the side of a Muppet, Copernicus or female genitalia, but kittehs? Well. that retainer is gonna be HUGE. But because Someone has to fight for your right, I can take the case. So make your check out to “Cats against the cruelty in Catvertising” or “cash”.

  65. You don’t want a lawyer that eats sandwiches. You want a lawyer that eats other lawyers’ lunches. Or eats other lawyers. Wow, you want a Zombie Lawyer (which would be a good name for a rock band) because then you wouldn’t have to file all those boring papers and wait for the judge to look at stuff and decide and you probably don’t have to pay a zombie lawyer by the hour but maybe just by the brain. (I don’t know the ethical rules for zombie lawyers, but I will look it up). Totally think you should advertise for a zombie lawyer.

  66. Side note for some of your other readers (RBIOU.) – HOW hard was it not to mention meat and wallets in a comment on this one?

  68. Should finish browsing the pics before commenting..I stayed at the same hotel with my boyfreind on our 15th anniversary a couple years ago! That place was beautiful. We may have even gone to the same urgent care, because I managed to shatter my knee doing a volcano bike ride while I was there. Hope you are feeling all better!

  69. What you really need to do is create your own patent agency so you can protect your brilliance as it comes to you. Also, after watching that video, I got sucked into watching “Related Videos” and learned that I can stop my baby from screaming by playing Notorious B.I.G.

    You learn something new everyday!

  72. You look radiantly happy in your Hawaii pics. You never see pictures of people in Hawaii where they aren’t smiling and happy. Even in the hospital in pain and on drugs you have the Hawaii “glow”…

    I was one of the many who demanded your book on Kindle. I’m so happy they listened! I’m adding that to my Christmas list!! 🙂

  73. I always thought it would be a good idea to sell advertising on the back of churchgoers’ heads. Think about it. You’re in church. You’re starving. The guy in front of you has an IHOP logo on the back of his head… or a picture of a Grand Slam with a lower than normal value price. You are done and you know it. I would like to be the first to offer my headspace for a very reasonable rate.

  74. You should put a really bad idea like, I don’t know, advertising on tv (if it wasn’t already taken) on your site and if THAT suddenly happens, you KNOW they are stealing from you. If it doesn’t happen then you won’t know for sure that they aren’t stealing. They might just have the logic to know advertising in stupid places like tv, magazines, signs, movies is a stupid idea.

    On a good idea note, therapists should totally advertise on the side of individual Prozac (etc) pills. All refills come with free magnifying glass. PS, you can have that one. Free of charge.

  77. OMG! Brittany Gibbons introduced me to The Zombie Love Song a few weeks ago. I immediately downloaded it to my ipod, and now every evening I walk my dog and listen to it repeatedly. I’m fairly certain my neighbors already questioned my mental state, but walking around singing “If I were a zombie, I’d never eat your brains,” takes it to a whole new level.

  78. You are obviously a thought leader. Have you considered advertising on Zombies. Although they might eat the brains of many of your potential customers. They are a unique way for you to get your massage out there. This may start a cat-add vs zombie-add turf war though. Hmmm. we need to give this some more thought.

  79. I’m pretty sure that if anyone tried to advertise on my unsociable, cantankerous cat they would lose an eye. And probably a nose. And she has no front claws so you know she’s pissed off already.

  80. Can I just say I look forward to reading your blog and sometimes over and over again. Too funny.

    Thank you,

    CAT

  81. I couldn’t help but notice that most people featured in that “catvertising” video were men. Just one more instance of men denying your brilliance just because you’re a woman. Is Victor behind this? Can you prove that he’s not selling your ideas to the highest bidder?

  82. I’m having a similar issue, not with cats, but with my trademark Life Sux®. So, I decided to stir the pot and post the bastards info on my blog http://www.lifesuxx.com/blog/ (which is new & sorry, I have a thing for lots of commas ). I’m trying to “find” a Pro Bono attorney ( s t o p l a u g h i n g, they do exist, right?), but so far I’ve only been contacted Personal Injury lawyers who want to know how I “fell down” when I received the news. I would like to say I think your idea of tattooing the cats is an awesomely original idea, but am a bit concerned of how you would actually go about sedating them for the necessary shaving? Maybe put a little rum in their milk? Do cats get drunk? Rock on Bloggess!!!

  84. To be fair, cats are knida hard to control. They’d wander any which way, and then all that money into demographics research would just go straight down the drain.

  85. this comment has little to nothing to do with your post…. i am extremely allergic to cat dander but would like a house companion for my cockapoo while im at work. another dog would be too much. having done my research i came to the conclusion that a hairless sphinx cat is outragously exspensive… i guess my question is would it be cruel to get a normal cat and just nair it every 2-3 weeks? also i would have no qualms with you posting on it. win win right?

    all the best
    Tiamaria from saskatchewan, canada

  87. There is no letter D in the Zombie Alphabet and it’s making the crazy in side of me scratch, scratch, scratch to get out and fix it!

  90. “Meow.” That was my cat who swears HE came up with the idea before even you did. He’d like to get in touch with you about a class action.

  91. I love that there was a glimpse of the Inbred Cat in this video. That’s my favorite thing of 2011. So much so that I tried to dress my cats up like that for Halloween, but it was a big failure. There’s always 2012.

  93. Dood…we need to write somebody or something. Ooo maybe a boycott…of….someone….

    Yeah…thats just like this comment…shot down quickly.

    Love that zombie font! Must put on my blog somehow

  94. Have you heard about the tattoo visionaries who are leasing out their bodies to companies in exchange for thousands of dollars in cash, or in the case of Goodyear, a set of free tires? It may sound extreme until you consider the people who, for a price, sell their organs (not the kind in their living room). Relatively speaking, the tattoo for tires deal doesn’t seem like such a bad one.

  97. The zombie full of love book, Warm Bodies, is fabulous, by the way. I picked it up on a whim at the library, and found it to be lovely.

    I must say, Ms. Bloggess, ma’am, that you are also lovely, and I find you a wonder.

  98. I’m trapped in a hospital with a drugged hubby and can you believe they have blocked your sex column? Obviously they are douche-canoes.

  99. You seriously need to patent all your brilliant ideas before someone starts mass producing and selling Beyonce the Chicken dolls. You know someone will and they’ll get filthy rich doing it!

    Congrats on your book by the way! Sooo exciting! Can’t wait to check it out!

  100. Remember when I told you on Twitter that I have two ponies? Probably not because I’m only one of thousands of crazy assholes who stalk you but anywhoo… I have two horses. You can have them. Just pretend they’re ponies. Seriously, those damn things are expensive and their food bill is cutting into my wine fund.

  102. Damn Corporate America, stealing your ideas and stuff. Although to be fair, catvertising is pretty good…wait, is that like calling dibs? They titled the concept therefore it’s theirs? Hmmm…ya, you need a lawyer to sort it out.

  103. Well, obviously they stole your basic idea. But did you see how they’re using all this complicated, expensive, high-tech equipment? And you were going to just put sandwich boards on the cats.

    Advantage: Bloggess

    Clearly, your approach will prevail. (If you can just figure out how to keep the Viagra pushers from scrawling their spam on the cats.)

  104. I started playing the john st. video and my cat Maddie planted herself in front of the monitor and watched it from start to finish. I think they’re on to something.

  107. Maybe you should use rats? Of course, you wouldn’t get much on each one, so you could end up with blogging dyslexia. Additionally, they don’t really like people so only bums would read you, and dang it there isn’t much money advertising to the homeless. Lastly, you could give otherwise nice words like “fluffy kitty” a bad lasting impression. But shaved cats sounds way more fun than tiny sandwich boards!

  109. I LOVE your pictures! Also, I want your Pony shirt…but its so expensive. 🙁 I’m glad you’re feeling better. Plus…did you SEE The Walking Dead last night! EEP!

  110. I foresee a need for a picture of Wil Wheaton’s cat collating papers.
    BTW thanks for the ponkey (mony?) that you gave me at your twitter surprise party. I named him Sparkle McGee and regifted him to my mother-in-law. Long story short, my holidays are now a lot less stressful.

  111. While the Zombie Song is cute, it’s not nearly as good as the previous Zombie Love Song you made reference to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCVMuevcCvY (by YourFavoriteMartian).

    The catvertising video, however, is priceless. Darn near as good as the cat-herding commercial from a few years back in the Super Bowl.

  112. Do they make NueroPussy for the non-creative cowards that blatantly stole your idea? Just wonderin…

  113. A bought a book and I get a drunken grope from a gorgeous, hilarious woman? Hot damn.

    What happens if I buy a case of ’em? 🙂

    Just sayin’…

  117. oh, I know just how you feel. I hate it when my brilliant ideas are stolen by giant greedy corporations, just out to crush the souls of us innovative geniuses. The list of surefire prize-winning ideas stolen from me is long and distinguished, and includes diapers that look like clothes, a human breastmilk factory, a DIY dental kit, a scheme to draft legislators instead of military personnel, and some truly stunning beauty secrets, just to name a few. And can you believe it, NOT ONCE have I been recognized by the Nobel Prize committee. OUTRAGEOUS.

  118. Oh man. Perhaps you should just try a new animal. I like deervertizing. However, it is hunting season and you may have to risk your ads being shot down.

  120. Had to watch all the Guy on a Buffalo videos…awesome. Truly awesome! BTW, my ovary hates me too and I told my husband he needed to buy the mug for me for Christmas…except I don’t drink coffee or tea and hot chocolate is too hot…maybe I can just drink water out of it?

    Thanks for being the kind of awesome the rest of us are afraid to be!

  122. So, I was looking at your newest cards in your shop and noticed that under the “Other Items You Might Like” category they were promoting a number of Edgar Degas cards. You, my dear Bloggess, are now associated with the likes of Edgar Degas! Congratulations!

  124. Please keep us posted on how the legal fight goes. Years ago I wrote and emailed a brief essay to a bunch of friends about the future of videophones, and I said that, among other things, in the future people would put up fake backgrounds behind their videophones to make their homes look more impressive. Six months later there was a commercial with Jason Alexander trying to impress a girl he’s video chatting with by having his dog hold up a picture of the New York skyline behind him.

    Yeah, I definitely should have sued.

  125. Yeah, that video is just taking crazy cat lady to a whole new level.

    Congratulations on the book. I’m glad the lawyer part was not in reference to that recent success.

  126. I cant wait to leave my kids my collection of dildos.

    And what do you think is so special about the one stored at the Bank of America?! Must have diamonds on that shit! (My vagina shudders in horror).

  127. I’m sure you know enough lawyers. Just pick out out and go a’ suin’. It’s fun, I would think. I keep trying to find ways of suing the combined churches of America for fucking up my sex life as a teenager, but I’m not sure if sexual gratification is a constitutional right.

  132. Okay, first – your pictures were AMAZING and you look gorgeous! Hawaii looks good on you, girl! And, secondly, GUY ON A BUFFALO? WTF? That is my new favorite thing on the net. I’m singing that shit all day! “Guy on a buffalo, got punch that cougar in the face!” Thank you Jenny, from deep down in my twisted, childish soul. I needed that.

  135. Maybe you need to move on to “kid-vertising” now. Perhaps start with tantrum-planting: “But, Mommy, I really need a Quaker Chewy 90 Calorie Granola Bar with chocolate chips NOWWWWW!” And let the bucks roll in.

  137. Catvertising wouldn’t work because size matters. Um…er… You know what I mean. I think advertising on houses (in high traffic areas) may be a better idea.

  139. My advice would be not to hire Christina. She seems to have a tenuous grasp of the English language and punctuation.

  140. Mee-wow! They’d better watch out. That is such a clear case of infringement that you could probably handle it in pro per (that means by yourself, I think). Then when you won, you could whack your Easy Button and totally annoy the losers. What? You don’t have an Easy Button? I have a hard time believing that.

    I used to not get Pinterest. Now I do. Your pins are great. That alpaca one just cracked me up!

  141. Hungry Hungry Hippos are just like cats and should feature prominently in your advertising mix. You can get a LOT more copy on their sides and you don’t have to shave them. Mind the teeth, tho.

  143. Well, copyright your “using commas” idea, STAT.

    Also, I read “viagra adverts” as “vagina adverts” which could also be a good idea. Provided the vaginas advertised upon were getting seen a lot. My own married one would be of a total waste of advertiser money. Okay I will stop talking about my vag now.

    *suddenly remembering the internet is forever*

  147. Needless to say, you forgot to add the little R with circle around it which I can’t do on this interface (blog post) so you would have been copyrighted, which is how you clearly got ripped-off. Your lovely, weird brain does need its own copyright or maybe patent pending, actually since it is clearly a moving part – a marvelously moving part but definitely….um..moving.

  150. We definitely need to get the Zombie song on iTunes!! I would love it as a ringtone…your pictures of Hawaii are amazing:-)

    Purple Stinky Onion(PSO)

  151. My mom threatens to sue everybody AND has a terrible memory. So when a slab of granite fell on her knee and broke it, she had legitimate grounds, but couldn’t quite remember the sequence of events and had used up all of her suing chances to not sound crazy. But I’m not calling her crazy. No, no I’m not. She just didn’t wait for the right moment.

    So I ask you, Is this your moment? Can you remember all the things?

  155. I just had a mild panic attack because I didn’t know what my next stop was on the internet train. I literally had my head in my hands wondering where I could have been all excited to go, although I couldn’t remember at that precise moment. I’m not really sure if it was here, but I ended up here anyway, and it is always a comfort. That sounds really hokey, but it’s totally true. I wouldn’t lie to you. On bad days, I go back through old posts and laugh my ass off. Who doesn’t love a Snuffleapagus, really? And I can read the Chester A. Arthur news story over and over and marvel that the reporter didn’t ask you about the taxidermied head sitting next to you.

    And it was a good reminder to pre-order your book. Which I really need to come out sooner than April. Like, next Thursday would be grand. Sure, it’s Thanksgiving, but more importantly, it’s my birthday!

  157. Hi – I just wanted to let you know that I love your blog(are there people who don’t love your blog? Will you ever disclose where the bodies are?) and although I’m sure you’ve already been offered this a billion times and could care less, I have nominated you for the Versatile Blogger award: http://caridwen.wordpress.com/2011/11/15/im-an-award-winning-blogger-and-no-one-is-more-surprised-than-i-am/ Thanks for putting out such a great read!

  158. Those rat bastards.
    Cats were MADE for advertising and YOU were made for advertising on cats. Or at least you were made for thinking up the idea. Or you were made for other things, one thing amongst them this brilliant idea. Sue.

  159. My favorite part is where you talk about commas. I sort of have a grammar/punctuation/syntax fetish. I once heard an old guy on NPR use the word “Promethean” in a sentence and I said I’d marry him. But of course, he didn’t know that, becase he was on the radio and I was in my car.

  162. thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou for making your book available via the Kindle. Now my impatient butt just has to wait until April…ugh. I hate waiting!
    Side note: I’ve been Waiting an extra 15 days to go to Thailand for a year (see my blog) and now I’m going on Friday. That’s in TWO FREAKIN’ DAYS….
    I will take you with me by way of my computer by way of your blog.

    Keep it up funny lady! I love it.

  163. I was delighted to find your blog when a friend of mine shared your metal rooster post on Facebook. In the last two days I’ve spent nearly 10 + hours (a majority of those hours at work) reading your blog from the earliest post in 6/2007 to the epic: They’s Just Tits Y’all! The only problem is that it seems I’ve developed a slight case of ADD from being directed and redirected to your many photos, videos, and other blogs.
    I went to bed last night asking the powers that be to send me a best friend like you. Everyone needs your humor in their life. You’re incredible: never. stop. writing.
    – from one of your MANY adoring (not psycho stalker) fans

  164. I wonder how many people will find your blog by googling tattooed shaven pussy?

    That guy on a buffalo tune is really catchy, innit?

  168. First of all, you were ROBBED.

    Secondly, is ‘rememberable’ a word? There are too many syllables to make it seem legit…

    And how much would it suck to be the intern that has to change the litterboxes. I’d be like ‘fuck this, I’m working at McDonalds!’

  173. You need a fucking patent attorney for that shiz!!! You’re so ingenious and evil, dare I say evil genius! I shall take two Party as if we Had Ponies shirt…..

  174. Thank you for this idea (which is totally and completely and originally yours and no one else’s) I am currently making tiny sandwich boards for my two dogs. Because those two little lazy asses seriously they need to start pulling their weight around here. I mean, if they continue to insist I take them on like four walks a day, the least they can do is advertise my shitty blog while I do it.

  175. I’m sorry, is this for real? this catvertising video…i mean…is it real?? Fuck, i have written about and photographed and made thousands of videos about my freaking cats. I want to work with those people…but, not until you get your money.

  176. Congrats on your book!! I am pre-ordering on my Nook as soon as I get home from work:)) By the way, that catvertising video was the best thing ever. Although, yeah, you should definitely sue.

  177. You better add the Swedish to your lawsuit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7vXP3tHzhA), unless they are producing cats you assemble at home using nothing but a supplied allan-key, then it’s probably a whole different ball game and not worth the time and effort. In any case, you best pack some cat food for that meeting with the lawyer or else you may have to share your sandwich with his associate Mr Purr.

  178. I don’t usually comment, but I had to say that I’m so happy to see the pre-order available for Nook. I’ve clicked “tell the publisher you want this” numerous times for Nook, but never saw it happen before. Hurray! Going to pre-order now.

  179. More bloggings please. No pressure, but my husband asked me for a divorce two weeks ago and you’re one of the things helping me hold my shit together.

  181. So I poked my nose on over to the Amazon page for your book and found that people frequently buy your book and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 at the same time. This probably means that you are disturbed like Harry Potter, who (spoiler alert!) had two souls in his body, one of which was mortally evil, but he exorcised it himself in the end. No pea soup necessary.

    Hope you take care of that second soul soon, and congratulations on the immense popularity of your book!

  185. I’m a newbie here and I think you’re totally awesome! Every time I read your posts I totally crack up! Thanks!!!

  186. Usually I don’t learn article on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very forced me to take a look at and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thank you, very great post.

  187. Neuro Drink Sleep is an herbal dietary supplement designed to reduce the time taken to fall asleep. Also, It helps you stay asleep through the night. The product comes in three flavors, but the basic formula is the same. It claims to gently relax the body and help it drift off to sleep within 10-20 minutes. It comes in a 14.5-ounce bottle. You must consume the beverage at least 30 minutes before bedtime. Once opened, you should keep the neuro sleep drink in the refrigerator.

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Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

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The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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