UPDATED: I was just on Nightline and I didn’t even kill anyone. That anybody is aware of, at least.

in I am totally overrated, no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap

It’s close to midnight but I was just watching TV because a bunch of people on twitter told me they saw me on Nightline.  I caught the last part of it and apparently my blog had a 2.5 second cameo on a story about Soleil Moon Frye (who is super-sweet in real life, and who once accidentally invited me to her house*.)  So then I ran and jumped on the bed and woke Victor up while screaming “I WAS JUST ON DATELINE WITH PUNKY BREWSTER!”  And then Victor glared at me and asked if I was hallucinating from the Ambien again and I assured him that I wasn’t.  Then he rolled over and muttered loudly, “I’M HIDING ALL THE SLEEPING PILLS TOMORROW MORNING,” which was really not the high-five I was looking for, and so I may have hit him with a pillow to get his attention.  Then he growled into the pillow, “So you want me to believe you were on To Catch A Predator.  With Punky Brewster.  And none of this is a hallucination?”  And then I realized that I’d said I was on Dateline instead of Nightline, and so I forgave him for doubting me.  Then I made him sit up so he could watch the 2.5 seconds where they showed my blog, and he rolled his eyes at me and was like “Yep.  That’s your blog.  I see it all the time in real life.  Now please turn the tv down because some of us have to get up early in the morning.”

A less stable woman would have murdered her husband with an axe at that very moment, but it occurred to me that murdering Victor would serve no point, as I’d still have no one to high-five when they flashed our pictures on Crimeline later on.  Also, I don’t know if there’s a show called Crimeline, but my guess is that there is.

PS.  This post was written under the influence of adrenaline.  And sleeping pills.  But not the kind that make you hallucinate.  The kind that make you glad you can’t remember where you put the axe.

I’m going to stop writing now.

*This sounds like a more entertaining story than it is.  Soleil invited me to her house for something, but I assumed it must have just been an accident so I politely declined to avoid any awkwardness, and then she said she was sorry I couldn’t make it.  That’s the story.  They’re not all gonna be winners, y’all.

UPDATE:  Here’s the episode if you’re my mom and actually want to see it.  It’s not the Craigslist Killer story.  Stop panicking, mom.

Remember the time that Nightline ran that picture of me telling everyone that I get paid to write about clown porn? Aw. Good times. This is going in the Christmas letter.

204 thoughts on “UPDATED: I was just on Nightline and I didn’t even kill anyone. That anybody is aware of, at least.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. It’s not the sleeping pills, you are just cursed like many of us as being a night owl. 9 to 5’ers hate our guts. Love ’em but fuck it, do your thing. Nobody understands a freelancers schedual anyway.
    Dave

  8. Awesome… I only make the news for stupid shit, like finding 4 year olds trashing my house.

  10. You’re absolutely right, that was weird even for you.

    I’m imagining you on Dateline… probably there cos you were hallucinating and wandered accidentally onto the set. They’d dress you up like one of the ‘kids’ and then expect you to lure the predators. Actually, i would TOTALLY watch that 🙂

    Congrats on your bigtime debut.

  12. I think I’m glad you didn’t murder Victor because your blog might have become boring without his presence in your life.

    But then, prison stories involving you might be pretty damn entertaining too. So I’m not totally sure where I stand on the issue.

    Plus, I bet fellow prisoners would totally high five you.

  14. You said no to Punky?????

    My husband would have reacted with more grunting and less shouting, so I feel ya. Though I would never be on tvline. (Aren’t they all the same?)

  15. They didn’t say my blog name or anything. Just a screenshot of my banner while saying “BIG BUSINESS.” I have no idea why. Also, I still love Victor. I assume he’s just trying to keep me grounded as he is aware that this 2.5 second static picture cameo on late-night news will probably change me.

    Bless that man.

  16. Victor has obviously become so accustomed to your all-around awesomeness and growing celebrity that he just takes it for granted. OF COURSE you were on Nightline. And OF COURSE it’s just a matter of time until you are on Crimeline. I, for one (although I’m sure I’m NOT the only one, there must be thousands, millions, even), can’t wait to see it.

  17. You missed the best part of the Dateline Nightline Kardashian Nude Yoga Jello Rasslin episode.

    William Shatner had a cameo.

    Wearing Wolf Blitzer.

    He got down on his knees and asked you to have wolfen sex with him.

    And an Asian hooker cheerleader.

    It brought tears to my eyes.

    Quick, go dream about this.

  18. OMG! That’s super kickass! I love your blog and I’m happy that you got the promo. I’m just a little leagues blogger, but it always feels awesome when you get free press or when people tell you how much they like your blog. Keep up the good work, ma’am! 🙂

  21. I need to know how Dateline tied your blog in with Punky Brewster. Did you both get abandoned in a supermarket? Have a bandana obsession? What?

  22. James Garfield will be quite jealous that he didn’t get to join you on TV this time. And best you didn’t kill Victor, (….she was such a nice neighbour, I never expected it, well except for that big metal chicken, that was bit suspicious, but I she borrowed sugar once and said thank you and didn’t have an axe with her…she was such a nice neighbour…) you can’t be on 2 ‘line’ shows in one week. Stop being greedy.

  23. I was going to comment about how of course Victor wasn’t excited about this since you already were mentioned the other day in the William Shatner piece on msnbc.com and obliquely referred to in the Forbes piece with Wil Wheaton. Then I started thinking that you need to step up and start stalking some new Star Trek dudes. Maybe you should do a poll?

    You can pick one of the guys from the new Star Trek movie and maybe end up on To Catch a Predator?

  24. I feel like I should point out that by “pillow” I meant “cat.” Because (according to Victor) there’s a big difference between throwing a pillow at someone and throwing a cat at someone. But there really isn’t because they’re both fluffy. Plus, that cat only has half of his original claws. He’s like a vaguely pointy pillow. One that will scratch out your corneas if given the chance.

    You know what? Victor might have a point.

  25. Geoff Peterson (the gay robot) and Craig Ferguson were just extolling the virtues of Ambien and tea.

    Is that the combination which lands one on Nightline?

  27. Go on Nightline and take Beyonce, plus one of one of the “dead awesomenesses”
    my hero

  28. That’s totally exciting! And you pioneered the F-word into a mainstream popular Mom blog. Although you’re really not a Mommy Blog, but you are a mom. Who blogs. But I guess you could also be called a Taxidermy Blog.

    You make me feel like I can still be loved even if I’m inappropriate. You are blazing the trial and running your own race.

  30. Well if you teamed up w/Dr. Horrible maybe, just maybe you can kill someone? But hold out for that photo of Nathan and a ball of twine first….mkay?

    Just a side note, see if he will wear the Cpt. Hammer shirt while holding the ball of twine….game O.V.E.R. on total greatness I say!!!!!

  31. I was in People magazine and it didn’t change my life one itsy bitsy bit 🙁 Here’s hoping your Nightline experience is way more lucrative 🙂 or fame-producing…or something. If it isn’t, maybe we could tag team on “Cops”. That’d get us somewhere, right?

  32. I am on ambien now and am pretty sure my husband is asking me to put down my phone.
    Kind of like asking to put down the ax.

  34. Has Victor never heard of a goose down pillow? Those can poke your eyes out too. So *technically* a cat and a pillow are the same.

    Ps. I’m sure Ferris Mewler (sp?) would have given you a high five if you asked politely.

  35. This is an awesome story. And a cat is both similar and dissimilar to a pillow. I can help.
    Have Victor take this test if you want to be right:

    Which of these things is not similar to the others:
    1. Fluffy cat 3. Extremely large jar of marshmallow fluff
    2. Fluffy pillow 4. Ted Koppel

    And have him take this test if you want him to be right. Just so he feels good about himself:
    Which of these things is not similar to the others:
    1. Fluffy cat 3. Very fluffy pillow
    2. Fluffy pillow 4. Very, very fluffy pillow

    I think it’s clear I’m here to help. And to high five you. Both really.

  36. I’ve always wondered… Are Ted Koppel and Joey Lawrence the same person? I’ve never seen them together.

    Oh wait.

    That was Blossom… not Punky Brewster.

    But still. Think about it.

  37. Nice Bad Santa reference at the end. Those are good words to live by: They can’t all be winners. Sometimes you’re at Punky’s house, sometimes your husband thinks you’re nuts.

    All the best, Bloggess.

  38. I find the real problems arise when I’ve taken my ambien and would like a little nitecap. And there are wonderful little critters who seem to agree. So we all go get a glass and a ice and whiskey, but I swear the critters always play with the ice cubes and leave a mess.

  39. Nightline, jumping on Punky Brewster’s bed – could have happened – and throwing a pillow turning into a cat at hubby, That’s WIN all the way!

    PS! I think your Victor has the patience of an angel. Bless him, indeed

  40. Wow. Congrats on “Nightline!” And I’m glad you didn’t kill Victor with an axe because, so far, I don’t get
    “Crimeline” on any of my cable channels.

  42. It’s obvious what the real issue here is: Victor is jealous of your new found fame and was trying to keep you down! lol
    I think it’s great that you and Punky Brewster made it on the same Nightline show, but toss in a flying cat/pillow at a sleeping husband and you have comedy GOLD my friend! You need you’re own reality show!Screw the Kardashians, I wanna Get inside the Head of the Bloggess. NO, I really kind of do, I imagine it’s quite colorful in there 🙂

  44. Soleil Moon Frye is so last night, what has she done for us today?
    Now, Mayim Bialik is totally today and frankly a bit of a nut job, but given that her name is Mayim, she played a character named ‘Blossom’ and is a real life Neuroscientist as well as Sheldon’s girlfriend on Big Bang Theory, she’s entitled to be nutty. Go find her blog and understand.

    Ambien rocks, for the partner of whoever takes it and Victor would be stupid to hide it from you!

  45. I like to elbow my husband while he is sleeping for things like that. I feel better and he wakes up with poky bruises everywhere that he can’t remember getting. Everybody wins! Except, not him. Because he’s bruised.

    But I feel better about things that way.

    Also, this is the first comment that I’ve left where I get to call him my husband. We finally got married this weekend. WIN.

  46. cold feet on testicles not only gets their attention but also makes them listen cause they don’t want you doing that shit again.

    It is also fun to watch them shrink into little walnuts.

    You are welcome.

    PS I apologise for leaving out the lesbians with inconsiderate partners, I am sure that this method works with ovaries but I believe that it would take a little more work and loses the element of surprise.

  47. That’s awesome! Congrats on being on tv! The most I ever got of any media attention was when my sister and I were children. On an overcast day and pretty cold day, we wanted to play outside. So we put on our rollerskates and grabbed our umbrellas (at the instance of our mother). We held our umbrellas out in front of us and let the wind blow us across the road. We had fun, and we caught the attention of a young local news reporter on a slow day. We ran back to our home to tell our mom about a guy that wanted to take our pictures for a newspaper. She looked a bit scared and then angry with us…in addition to thinking we were lying. Then she met the guy and thus we were nicknamed “The Poppins Pretenders.” (She still has the newspaper clipping. LOL)

  48. I like the story. I used to look like Punk when I was a kid. I had the brown pig tales and mismatching clothes and all. Gotta love the 80s, right?

  49. Congratulations on Nightline! I’d high-five you, but being a relatively new subscriber to your blog that might come across as awkward.

  50. GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN, I NEED ME SOME OF THOSE SLEEPING PILLS!

    i just typed that without realising that the caps lock was on (i look at my fingers when i type. don’t judge) but i am too lazy to re-type it. i think i like it all caps. it really makes a statement.

    sigh.

  51. I would totally have high fived ya!! You are awesome enough that I bet she really was inviting you to her house. Who wouldn’t invite you over?? 🙂

  52. I’m still trying to understand the part where you said no to going to Punky Brewsters house…you could’ve brought the mongoose/cobra sculpture as a hostess gift – maybe putting different colored socks on each of the mongoose’s feet as a homage. Opportunity missed.

  53. i didn’t get half of it… actually i did… i had to google Nightline and Dateline and all the lines in between… if you get the drift! 😀

    dear awesomeness,

    HIGH-FIVE!! may the 2.5 seconds turn into 2500000000 seconds soon! 🙂

    love!

    p.s: we dont get american TV here, i mean we do…. but like from the past

  55. I really feel like Victor should be used to this sort of thing by now. Haven’t you conditioned him to automatically shower you with praise and high-fives whenever you wake him up? If not, shame on you. That was the first thing i taught my boyfriend and i have never regretted it. Sometimes i wake him up when nothing has even happened just so i can get a little self-esteem boost.

  56. If you’re anything like me, its because of reactions like this that I have sworn I will never get up and thank my husband for being so supportive and ‘always there for me’ when I win an Emmy, or Golden Globe or whatever the equivalent is for blogging. I’ll be more like “check this out SUCKERRRRR…!!!”

  57. So if you do end up on Nightline for axe murder, are they going to run a Soliel Moon Frye photo spread? Seems only fair.

    I’d been wondering why you didn’t come to her house. I was looking through the window with my van-mounted telescope the whole time and never saw you.

  59. Someone in production at Nightline must love you (who wouldn’t). I bet they are lobbying to get you on the show, but the higher ups are afraid you’d swear a lot and your interview would sound like a rap song because of all the bleeps. I’d suggest that they just dub over the words with less offensive phrases such as “slug in a ditch”, but use a man’s voice so that people would know it was dubbed and that you aren’t just crazy about ducks.
    Speaking of Ambien, my mother-in-law use to call me after taking it. The time between “hello?” and when I caught on to her drugged state was always the most interesting.

  60. That’s supercool!!! Here’s a little PSA for you, a little news you can use if you will….My husband already knows this too so its okay. He’s been warned…One of these days my husband is going to die in a horrible knitting accident. I won’t know a thing of what happened, either. So, if anyone asks….I don’t EVEN know what happened.

  62. Ok…now I’m just waiting for Barbara Walters or Whoopi to approach you. I think you and Whoopi would hit it off!

  63. RECAP: Nightline. Bloggess. Punky Brewster. Unmoved husband. Sleeping pills and axe-murdering.

    Right now, some detective in Boston is reading all this and thinking, “We’re gonna need to reopen that Lizzie Borden case.”

  65. You know what? I ‘appear to be outside the United States or it’s territories’ so I am not allowed to watch you. Stupid sucky abc news. How about you hack it to youtube so we can all see it, please…
    Oooroo, from Jasmine in The Land Of Oz

  66. wait. you didn’t go to an “accidental invitation”!? some of my best times, albeit conveniently forgotten times were at an accidentalinvitationparty. love those.

  67. Oh, you are so funny and such a delight and comfort to me, woman! But now I have to watch Nightline.

    And I just want you to know that “Be nice” was the gist of my childrearing. If only I had known to add the “or I will stab you” part. Sigh….

  68. Imagine if one of you were the Craiglist killer, you’d have that episode monopolized! And Kenley, a contestant from Project Runway once got in a lot of trouble for throwing her cat at her boyfriend, so be careful about those public confessions.

  70. Hee, I’m so glad you put a ‘lil blurb at the end about being invited to Punky’s house. I was like, ‘how’s she gonna dangle that carrot with no explanation?’

    And also? I’m thinking you should be the host of Crimeline.

  71. On Dateline, does Punky have to pose as the underage minx who lures the pervs into her trap? If so, I think Tori Spelling should play her when they make this into a Lifetime original movie.

  74. I went to Nightline to see your blurb, but stuck around for the full body Panda suits. Don’t you think it’s a strange coincidence that a story like that was on the same episode?

  75. I just realized that I’ve been confusing Punky Brewster with Blossom for like forever. Blossom was on What Not To Wear so Punky wins this one. But then again, Blossom is dressing nicer now and I think she’s a neuroscientist or something. Now I’m confused again.

  78. Yay you! I’m so glad you didn’t axe murder Victor. Sometimes you do stuff like that and end up regretting it later.

  79. Oh well, we here in the UK are not allowed to watch it so I may just have to use your blog header as my screen saver for a couple of days, now, what would help is that if you record yourself attacking poor Victor with a pillow, but do wait until he is back in bed tonight, for authenticity of course, so that I can add that to it. But just the pillow attack mind, we don’t want it to denigrate into a dirty video…..

  80. Whooohooo! I NEVER watch Dateline…except that last night I was too lazy to find something fun to watch, so I just left it on our ABC station…and Dateline came on. And I saw that there was going to be a segment on Soleil and MommyBloggers, and I was really interested in watching it, and then? *sigh* I crashed and missed the whole thing.

    GREAT job, tho! And thanks for the link, so I can watch it this afternoon. 🙂

  85. I saw it, too, and blinked and missed a 2.5 second of fame of SOME blogger I imaginarily know, but when I saw yours float by, I’m like SHE’S ONE OF *MY* EARLIEST BLOGGING FRIENDS but then I realized we’ve never actually met but we talked on the phone once so that counts as something.

    And we both like to wear Princess dresses for no reason.

    But I still can’t bring myself to blog about vajayjays…or even spell it right…..

    Congratulations. You….Punky… I’m suddenly breaking into Barry Manilow’s “Looks like we’ve made it…!”

  86. I’m so impressed your readers watch news shows. I’d always just assumed they were all like me. Wait, is there a real housewives of dateline?

  91. Also, I’m in Canada and can’t see that clip (stupid american tv Internet rules) so I need you to add a screen shot.

    I *might* be starting to believe victor. WHICH IS A PROBLEM.

    OH, and I never throw my cars because I hate to disturb them.

  94. My husband said “Oh… Punky got hot…”

    I need to blog more so I can get buckets of stuff to review. I love free stuff.

  95. I really should be working but your blogs are much more interesting. Even if you didn’t axe anyone to death. That reminds me… before I bought my house someone axed her husband to death in his bed and set the house on fire. But not in my house. It was one just down the road. Now I’ll need to research that and continue to avoid my work.

  96. How is it that your husband hasn’t killed you yet in a sudden something-is-attacking-me-must-kill-it moment?! You should give him some sort of reward. lol. Great story.

  97. This is like when my grandma was in a picture that ended up being printed on a Mayo Clinic three-fold brochure and she took a bunch of them to send to us. Except yours involves legitimate fame.

  98. We have show called ‘Crimewatch’ here in the UK, but I don’t think you’d want to be on that. Even the people presenting that show don’t want to be on it, so you’re really not missing out…

  100. Nightline?! That’s a rather serious show. Now, if you had said Jerry Springer or Steven Wilkos I’d be excited. If you follow through with the domestic violence, you’ll probably get on one of those two.

    (Seriously – Congratulations!! )

  101. You make my day. Seriously. Because I think/talk just like you, so we nust be ok.
    So I have to share a story. This time last year I had just buried my dad and was about to leave for trip to Africa to interview the president, first lady, etc of a country that will remain nameless. Once there I was incensed to find no one had read my memos, I was not allowed to speak, and was cut from all transcripts. Still pissed, but now that his corrupt dictator ranking has risen even higher (top 5) I’m feeling better about my invisibility. Because when US media reportz on events there, I want a clear conscience. And a book deal…. Thanks for letting me rant. Les

  103. Yes, I TOTALLY clicked the link and watched the ENTIRE segment. And anyone who calls you a “mommy blogger” really have NOT done their research 🙂

  105. OK…. I just watched, and let me say that another blog that was featured a bit more prominently than yours was recently deleted from my bookmarks due to extreme dullness of content. I seriously doubt your blog will ever suffer such a fate. Unless Victor snaps one day and you just disappear.

  106. Arrrrrgggg! I meant Nightline, dammit… 🙂

    Jaime, I don’t know if you were referring to my post or not, but I’m glad you said that, because I thought I’d go in and fix my post, but alas…I can’t.

  108. Am I the only one who was confused and then seriously creeped out that they showed Panda Porn to the pandas in their cages and then in the very next shot the scientists all started dressing up in panda suits?

  110. Next time, you could always give him a high five to the forehead. You get your high five, and you get to smack him for not giving you the reaction that was required. Win-Win, right there.

  111. You can’t say no to Punky! Accident or not, no take backs. Next time a celebrity accidentally invites you over, say yes, take pictures, and sell them to X17.

  113. congrats i guess? i guess it’s better that you were on “nightline” than copernicus being on “dateline – to catch a predator” or something for his very active holiday carvings he’s been doing. no one wants to see a sweet rotting face monkey in handcuffs, no one. that’s both cruel and a diservice to the rest of us who send copernie santa letters. and by that i mean, our lists of who we KNOW were bad.

  114. OMG! CONGRATULATIONS! i would have murdered your hub! luckily, my dog gives so much more visual existence of excitement when my blog is recognised like that (but not dateline, like THAT, yet). x

  115. They say the camera adds 10 lbs, but sweetie, you looked FABULOUS! I’m seeing a Bloggess TV Series… eat that, Jersey Shore!

  116. Maybe you should play it over and over again for Victor’s benefit today.That’s a rather serious show. Now, if you had said Jerry Springer or Steven Wilkos I’d be excited. If you follow through with the domestic violence, you’ll probably get on one of those two.

  117. AAAAAAH, so excited for you!

    But to be honest?

    I’d probably love this post just as much if it HAD been an Ambien-induced hallucination. Just sayin’.

    Whoooo! <—-that whoo does not imply action-adventure sportiness, I cannot bullshit you like that.
    Bad Mama Genny

  120. I’d probably like to see the faces of some of the mommies who find your blog as a result of the Nightline piece (which actually begins with a Dateline vibe – serial killing). I’m guessing (with a grin) that the weak-hearted mommies might break a nail trying to quickly click the little red X button on their web browser.

    The rest are gonna LOVE you.

  121. This actually reminds me of the time you re-tweeted something I had said on twitter…and I totally screenshot it, woke my girlfriend up and was like OMG…and savored it for like a week.

  122. I really went to the ABC link to see them show your blog… but then I saw Panda’s… So that’s why I ended up watching the whole thing. 🙁

    But panda’s are soooo friggin cute. I just want to snuggle ’em whenever I see them at the zoo…. that is if I wasn’t afraid they would eat my face off.

  125. I just watched it and said “Jenny’s on TV!” And Tony was all “Jenny with the accent?” And I was all “yes, that Jenny.” And he was all “cool.”

    P.S. Soleil Moon Frye says “literally” a lot.

  127. If I were on a national TV show, I’d be calling up everyone I know to make them watch it 😀 I feel like you showed a lot of restraint by only waking Victor up.

  128. See, now you’re officially famous.
    When I was a little girl, I totally told the kids in my class that my best friend was Punky Brewster, but we had to keep it a secret cause of publicity. LOL

  129. Punky Brewster? Pfffft. Let me know when you’re hanging out with someone legitimately awesome like Blossom. And maybe her friend Six. Whilst making a cameo in “To Catch a Predator.” Then maybe I’ll be impressed.

  132. Two-and-a-half seconds is a verrrrrrrrrry long time. Frankly, I think you deserved more like thirty seconds. In fact, you should take over some of the shows out there. Like Conan. I don’t know how funny he is now. I haven’t watched him since his last network paid him $45 million to quit. But I’m POSITIVE you’re better.

  133. Does Victor realize that he is so lucky that while off your meds you just haven’t smothered him in his sleep after he’s doubted you? I bet he hasn’t.

  139. At first I was all excited because I was like OMG Jenny knows Amy Farrah Fowler! And then I remembered that Soleil Moon Frye is NOT Mayim Bialik and I was disappointed (not that Soleil isn’t lovely, I’m sure. She did invite you over, but she’s NOT Amy Farrah Fowler.).

    PS—Can you stop getting so many comments. It makes for a lot of scrolling back up to see how to spell Soleil Moon Frye’s name correctly. Thanks.

  141. Love you. love the website. your awesome. Yey for crimeline. I just wrote to ABC for DWTS and I said that they should have you on there. I know you will only ever end up in their bathroom drinking something and they will eliminate you coz you didnt come out BUT it would be amazing to see you dance your way thru the bathroom. Hope you get called 🙂

  142. Accident or no, how could you turn down an invite to Punky Brewster’s house? That was not a time to be polite; it may have been your only chance to see her day into night bedroom window shade in person and you blew it.

  143. Um…I really couldn’t stop thinking about Moonfrye all grown up dressed as Punky Brewter….I am sure that is what Victor took from this whole thing also….Oh and I was just heading out the door to make a Craigslist purchase…You may have inadvertently saved my life..I am potentially forever indebted to you. (But not for real money or anything) PEACE OUT

  144. Jenny, the funny thing is your husbands reaction is probably the same thing I would have done. Great feature, this is awesome for your blog! Go GIRL!

  146. Clearly throwing animals at spouses will now get you on Animal Planet. Now, all you need to do is put out a sex tape and you can also have a show on E!. Taking the ‘conquer cable world’ off your bucket list and obviously replacing it with ‘get Kardashians to stop calling’.

  147. I can’t see the video… because – apparently – I don’t live in the United States or its territories (whatever that means… don’t US own, like… the world?)

    I hate Internet for being so fucking smart, now.

  148. I caught this live last night after my local news – I must have felt your adrenaline from here! It’s SO awesome to see the influence twitter and blogging is gaining in the media – I’ve seen 3 separate stories just in the past week! P.S. Thanks for not killing Victor

  149. Do you know my wife? She does the same thing to me when I’m sleeping. She’s not a celebrity like you so she should stop that but your a celebrity…you should have a trained zebra do it for you instead because you shouldn’t have to do the actual jumping up and down now that you are a celebrity. Tell Victor to stop being mean and to get you a zebra assistant already.

  151. This is great news on its own, but don’t worry. You’ll be on “Dateline” before you know it. Especially if you keep taking the hallucination pills.

  152. Grats on making the news, and for it not being about taking an axe to your husband! I’d love to be on the news but I don’t have the same amount of talent as you though, so I may have to go the axe route.

  153. I really don’t consider your Blog a Mommy Blog, but you seemed to be lumped in there, because you are a Mom I guess. That being said, why does Dooce always get a shoot out? I have tried to read this woman’s Blog and I just don’t get it…it’s really self-absorbed, not that you are not self-absorbed, but you are self-absorbed in a non-offensive way. Reading Dooce is like spending a day at the beach in getting sand in your crotch and a month later you think some pearl is going to pop out, but it doesn’t and you find out you have a really bad infection and you need …well it just annoys me.

  155. You are SO not a mommy blog. However, I could not wade through all the commercials to find your spot on the show, since I am at work. Damn. Anyway, I guess it makes people sit up and notice when you get prefaced with a bunch of serial killers. Now if they only wore moose antlers or something, I’d have watched the whole thing, perhaps. And your spot would have seemed more contiguous.

  157. Apparently Dateline knows I’m outside of the US of A. How do you think it knows that. Do you think it speaks to their investigative journalism skills?

    Regardless, shame. I was looking forward to viewing your 2.5 seconds of Dateline fame.

  159. Apparently ABC has something against Canadians, they won’t let me view the episode, clearly stating that I’m not in the US. Dammit, ABC, that’s discrimination. Do you happen to have the address so I can send them $5 Canadian dollars to let me view? Add in some bacon too, right? Nope, I’ll just go to their head office – knock, knock…. *grin*

  160. I’m actually kind of surprised that Victor questioned the whole Dateline thing. It’s totally possible and could have been super cool, like you were the missing piece of a puzzle involving Soleil Moon Frye’s stalker. Not that you WERE her stalker, because if you had been, you’d have jumped right on the chance of going to her house when she asked. And then she’d be probably also be dead. But instead you were the piece of the puzzle that helped CATCH her stalker. Do you see the difference?

    In other news, I’m pretty sure we are taking the same sleeping pills. . .

  161. So when I was little everyone used to tell me I sounded exactly like Punky Brewster. And I had NO IDEA who that was. Because I was too busy writing letters to children’s science magazines and reading books to watch TV, because I was cool.

    But then later in life, when I was a hardcore Sabrina The Teenaged Witch fan (I was NEVER cool) and Soleil Moon Frye was on that show, I was like “Hey I DO sound like her.”

    Wow, that….was anticlimactic.

  162. She’s so funny! She was on Rachel Ray and had all these kinda wonky tips and things to do with kids. But I still love her. Also you! I think I’ve only been on TV once…when I was a kid…for Thanksgiving. I was doing a good deed or something. I don’t remember. I need to get on TV now though…I guess this is the new it thing. Also if I were an actress all of the gay men I am in love with would have to make out with me *it SAYS SO IN THE SCRIPT* so yeah…

  163. Dateline… Nightline… totally the same thing. It is like A.M. and P.M. when you have two small children… you no longer know which is which, and it really doesn’t matter….

  164. Victor is so good at hiding his excitement for you! That takes practice. So brilliant to see you on Nightline but a Punky Brewster miss is sadness!

  165. That little nugget was worth the total watching of the show.

    I’ll bet their ratings went through the roof.

    You should have absolutely been the one interviewed.

  166. After 165 comments, it hardly seems worthwhile to throw you my cyber high-five. But you know what? If my blog was on Nightline or Crimeline or any Line for that matter, I’d want the 165th commenter to high-five me. So there you go.

  167. Random comment. I admired what you did last Christmas. There is an elderly man that mistakenly donated his life savings (13,000) to Goodwill. (Money sewed into a suit) Here is the news story. http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/man-accidentally-gives-away-life-savings-hidden-away-165333331.html
    Perhaps the Blogess gang can all donate a dollar & get this man his life savings back (to help his wife who has cancer…) And the lucky purchaser can keep the 13 thou guilt free. Win win.

  170. Of COURSE you were on Nightline. Probly because you are, ya know, RELEVANT.

    (No, I still haven’t gotten over that on your behalf.)

  171. I saw it! We were flipping channels and I saw Punky so of course I had to stop and see what was up with that, and I saw your blog flash across the screen! I have to say it made me feel sorta cool for a sec that they showed a blog I read…how lame is that? Anyway, it’s awesome…congrats!

  173. They probably inserted that screenshot of your website to the wrong section. Not for the first segment, the Craigslist killer of course. (But it’s POSSIBLE that he READ your blog, right? No? Not completely impossible, right?) Maybe the screenshot was meant for the 3rd segment, the Panda researchers. Remember you wanted that outfit a while back ago? Is that not the same kind worn by the researchers?

    p.s. I am so depressed after reading her blog and watching that segment… Clearly I am not pretty enough to be a mom.

    p.p.s. Did they pronounce Dooce wrong? Or is it possible that I finally know how it is supposed to sound?

  175. Congrats on being on Nightline! High Five!

    I have captured the 1.58 seconds (sorry, not 2.5 seconds) that your blog is showing during that segment into a video clip if you want it.

  176. I can’t believe how money Dooce makes because she usually just posts a picture of a dog or her child. That is just crazy. Your blog is way better than hers. The show was about mommy blogs and going on about mommy stuff. Yours is entertaining and funny. The last lady on that show was boring, talking about all the products she gets for free. If I see “This is a sponsered post”, I don’t read it.

  177. Well there’s nothing else for it now. Pop out the massive sunglasses and get a shawl to wrap round your head. You are officially famous and will now not be able to walk down the street without the whole world recognising you… I’d also always carry a sharpie as well as the requests for autographs will be ENDLESS.

  178. This is all true. And the clown porn part IS the best part. As is the fact that you have an itchy shoulder and I do as well. And I refuse to put cream on it because getting my itchy shoulder scratched is better than sex. Well, not really. Actually, it REALLY is and I love coming here to confess.

  179. Since no one else seems to have mentioned it yet, you were in fact on TWO national shows last night, at about the same time. I’m pretty sure that Stephen Colbert plagiarized your line about “God closing a door and opening a window, that’s why Heaven’s air conditioning bills are so high.”

  180. Kudos to you, chicky poo! That’s awesome!

    Obviously Victor was tired hence the lacking high-five. If I were there, I would have totally high-five’d you… but then again, it might have been creepy for me to be there since y’all were in bed.

    I remember when I decided to blog about the first (and so far only) time I did NaNoWriMo… and I got two subscribers. Little ol’ me. I was on top of the world! I felt so happy. Granted I have no subscribers for my main blog or any of my story blogs (which are all a work in progress), but hey… I’ll take the little victories when I can get them – like a retweet from someone or a reply from someone more famous than me. (Like when I got the email that you were following me on Twitter. I was so happy since I think you’re awesome. I even did a little happy dance.)

    Anyway, this is just the beginning. Can’t wait for your book. (hugs & high-fives)

    Have Goodness!
    Rae

  181. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DECLINED AN INVITATION TO PUNKY BREWSTER’S HOUSE!!! As a child of the 80s, I thought I WAS Punky Brewster. And I may or may not have worn pigtails and brightly colored, mismatched clothing until I was eleven. When Brandon (her dog) got lost, I felt like my own dog had run away. I am so happy you made the cut on Nightline, but I don’t know if I can ever look at you the same way for passing on an invitation to meet Punky Brewster.

  182. I just saw old Punky on an older episode of Bones. She was on there for like two seconds and I immediate thought “She’s the killer!” because the biggest guest star usually is, but then they NEVER SHOWED HER AGAIN. WTF? Little love for the Punkster, people!
    I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

  183. Like many others among your readers, I’m sure, I had to be reminded who Soleil Moon Frye was. My guess is, at this point in the history of stuff that matters not a whit, you are more famous than she is. I would wait until your star recedes a bit before actually killing someone. That would be the best way to prolong the celebrity. Then you should of course deny the crap out of the killing, change your story often, and make excuses for doing what you claim not to have done so that Nancy Grace will pick you up and give you a nick-name. Nancy Grace can make you a crime star. BTW ‘Crime Star’ would be a good name for a TV show, don’t you think?

  184. I just saw old Punky on an older episode of Bones. She was on there for like two seconds and I immediate thought “She’s the killer!” because the biggest guest star usually is, but then they NEVER SHOWED HER AGAIN. WTF? Little love for the Punkster, people!
    I’m sorry, what were we talking about?

  185. I would totally watch a show called Crimeline. I’d also not find it strange if The Bloggess was featured on it… I think there’s just been too many posts about being stabby. 🙂

  186. This. Is. HUGE.

    Nightline is the reason why nobody will ever benefit from my death! On one episode they said that spouses who take out life insurance policies have a much higher chance of being murdered.
    I was like screw that noise. Even though I’m not married, I’m not taking any chances. I’d rather have my loved ones foot my funeral bill later on, than cover it myself while I’m still young.

    Actually, come to think of it, maybe it was 48 Hours Mystery…

    Still. This. Is. Huge.

  187. I kind of like the story better with Dateline “To Catch a Predator” substituted instead…LOL!

  188. So, while watching the intro to the show, I was thinking “Is she talking about the mommy moguls, or the panda suits? Cause this could go either way, really.”

  189. Your comments jumped by 80 comments just as I was reading this post. I’m so glad the video was being showed with limited commercials I was worried I was going to be bombarded by car ads just to see your spot. 😛

  192. There is (or was) a show called crimeline where I live (Dublin, Ireland.) So your freaking spot on (as usual!!) If you need a hi-five I’m right here 🙂

  193. Thoroughly epic. Wonder how long before the right-wing nutbars start screaming about the clown porn. Of course, Herman Cain probably has a huge collection of clown porn, so they shouldn’t really complain.

  194. Did you know that following the mom blogger story on Nightline is a story about… BEARS?! Panda Bears actually. It’s like Nightline knew a feud was brewing. And they’re toying with you. What’s more, you mention clown porn on your site and what’s in their segment? Panda Porn. Coincidence? I think not.

  195. I totally heard you screaming in my head about Punky Brewster. I would shit a purple twinkie fer sure. The TV thing is pretty cool too, but to correspond with Punky is more than I can BEAR.
    🙂

  196. um how horrible would it be to post this here. I sorta need a job and this could possibly help. Still it feels weird but I need the Bloggess Team to help me with a Christmas miracle. If you do then it will be a heartwarming story, if not, then I am a HUGE douchecanoe. Here’s the deal…

    A local free entertainment paper is looking for the best Atlanta blogs. Could you guys vote for me here?
    http://clatl.com/atlanta/who-is-the-best-atlantan-to-follow-on-twitter-and-why/Content?oid=4304372&utm_source=iContact&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Creative+Loafing+Atlanta&utm_content or you can tweet your vote fot ATL’s best blogger here @cl_atlanta

    I’m hoping all the people who gave so much last christmas could give this to me. It would mean a lot and not cost a dime. Thanks.

  198. But…seriously? I would die to read your Christmas letter- if you get one written, please post! Not if, when. I don’t mean to imply doubt of your abilities to pen holiday missives.

  199. This is the most fun blog I have found in a long time! I am glad to find you…. Can’t wait for more.

    I am a Grammy right now, to two adorable kidlets. I would have loved your wit and especially the ‘f’ word back in the day. My kids were 17 months apart and it was a lonely time. Way, way back when there wasn’t an internet.

    Great work!

    Love,
    Catherine

  200. I could not be more proud of you than if you were actually on Dateline. Which I would end up watching with the husband because we somehow get sucked in, standing in front of the tv on our way to another room, lassoed by the dunkity dunk dunk music and the repetition of the story over and over and over again.

  201. I’m cracking my ass up at the clown porn mention.

    Nicely played, Bloggess. Nice. Ly. Played. 🙂

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