I just wrote a really long and vaguely funny post about why I would never teach my cat to smoke, while angrily screaming “YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF” to said cat as Victor locked himself if the office and vowed to not come out until I passed a drug test, but then the electricity went out before I could save it and now it’s lost forever. I would try to re-write it but I’m too frustrated and now I want pie. Please just pretend I wrote something really funny and profound here and let’s all go eat pie. Strawberry pie. Stuffed in a cake. Made of tacos.
In non-related news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up. Let’s get started, shall we?
What you missed on my sex column (which is vaguely safe for work unless your boss is a douche-canoe):
What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- 2012 Bloggess Calendar. (Featuring Copernicus, Beyonce, Wil Wheaton, James Garfield, and other bad-assery.)
- Beyonce -the-giant-metal-chicken ornament (version 5)
- I had a special request for a non-cursing Beyonce product for the workplace. You’re welcome.
What you missed on the internets:
- Kelly Osbourne, Rosanne Barr and I were quoted on Headline News. As political pundits.
- Copernicus (the homicidal monkey) was on Cake Wrecks.
- Got quoted in the Washington Post. My life is weird.
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- I dare you to read these without laughing out loud.
- Bad Lip Reading of Herman Cain.
- This is how my family deals with death too.
- Eggton. I skip the recipes on the bottom of every post, but the stories on top are fried gold.
- I love this story so much I want to propose to it.
- “I DO NOT GIVE A SHIIIIIT.“
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Cutest Paw, which will SUCK YOU IN WITH CUTENESS. Like, it’s so adorable it could kill you. But all things considered that’s not a bad way to go. Better than falling into a fiery volcano, at least. KITTENS!