New Year’s Eve

in Random Crap

It’s New Year’s Eve.  For pretty much every New Years of my life that means going to sleep on the couch at 9 pm (except for Y2K, in which case I stayed up looking for looters and waiting for the tap water to turn to blood. It was a very disappointing New Years.)

This year, however, I’m in New Orleans wearing my $29 evening gown and planning on crawling under a table to go to sleep at 9pm. Where ever you are and whatever you do, I wish you a happy New Year and I’m dedicating this song that Victor and I are preforming for you here. Except that we couldn’t get the video camera to work and I can’t play a ukulele and Zooey Deschanel has way better hair than me, so instead…next best thing:

PS.  I don’t do giveaways, but as a “Thank you” for being so supportive and wonderful this year I’m sending the first 5 commenters 2012 Bloggess Calendars.

PPS. Be safe out there party-people. AAA is offering free, safe rides home. 1800-222-4357. Dont drive drunk. Pass it on.

194 thoughts on “New Year’s Eve”

Read comments below or add one.

  4. If it is cool out you can use a snuggy as a wrap and then you’ll be extra comfy when you fall asleep under the table.

    (Check your email. ~ Jenny)

  5. At least the bottom of that dress will fold up into a nice pillow so you will be comfortable under your table…

    (Check your email. ~ Jenny)

  7. 1. your $29 dress is beautiful

    2. i love AAA for offering this service

    3. is it ok that i kinda HATE Zooey Deschanel and her f-ing perfect hair?

    4. i would LOVE a calendar!!

    –Carly

  12. Happy New Year! 2011 was a pretty depressing year up here in Wisconsin, so thanks for the consistently funny work, as usual. You’re helping to keep a lot of us sane

  17. Oh My God … I typed super fast with a short message ’cause you have soooo many fans the last time it said no comments when I submitted it was number 60! But now that I am for sure in top five and have stopped jumping up and down and screaming, I can say Thank You!! And Happy New Year! Love your blog, love you, thank you for making this the best day of my life !! Uh wait, I have had a wedding and two kids – make it the third best day then – you can trump the wedding just not the kiddies! lol!

  18. My big sexy hairy butt is stayin’ at home, avoiding DUI charges. Besides, I lived through New Year’s Eve 1999, and frankly, there’s no way any other party is ever going to top that one. We all debauched and debased ourselves so hard that night, even John Belushi would’ve been embarrassed for us.

  22. Don’t shoot your guns into the air at midnight people! Actually, could some of you please go door to door in my ghetto and remind them that. Prefer applicants who are bilingual.

    Also do Bloggess 2012 calendars end on December 21st this year?

  23. Darn it! I wanted a calendar! Oh well. Happy New Years! May your days be blessed with hope and joy and love and giant metal chickens.

  24. I am a big fan of going to bed at 9pm on NYE, so I fully support your plan of sleeping beneath the table. The bonus of this holiday is that people will just think you’re drunk.

  25. Pffft, that $29 evening gown is totally worth at least two $29. Mostly, I’m very good at math.

  31. I bought my bloggess calendar last week and it’s so kick ass i want to put up every month all at once. Best xmas present to myself i’ve bought in years.

  33. That dress is fabulous! Where the hell did you get it? I am not sad that I am #20 because I already bought a calendar and I can’t wait to take down my old calendar tomorrow morning! Happy New Year!!!!! Thank you for your wonderful blog!

  35. I really hope you brought Wolf Blitzer with you…strappy dresses need a good fur wrap on chilly nights.

    Wishing you a wonderful 2012 🙂

  39. Happy new year! Also check out this weeks New Yorker magazine for great article on Portlandia, know u r a big fan. Don’t forget the beignets, fried dough makes everything better

  40. Happy New Year to you! Thank you for the inspiration. You are one of the best things about being on the internet.

  44. This is the first year since y2k that I’m trying to stay up, too! At a party that my 5 year old and 2 of her friends will be at. I’m more scared now than I was when I thought the world was ending.

  50. Staying home with the kitties! Love the dress – can I borrow it? I think we are the same size. Except I might be shorter. Need a dress for my niece’s wedding next year.
    sayyy…where is the travelling red dress?
    HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

  51. you have a great new years! thank you for a wonderful year. I always know i can come here for a moment of peace.

  52. OMG….I don’t think I made the cut! But, I love your blog. I’m actually going to look for your book today!
    Well, have a Happy New Years!! 🙂

  53. My girlfriend was 10 kinds of pissed that she missed being in the top 5 but then i pointed out that with todays discount she could buy one for less than $20. Which means that i ended just buying us a bloggess calendar. I’m pretty sure i just got played, but what she doesnt know is that I’m ripping ou the BE NICE OR ILL STAB YOU one for myself. She’ll just think you made a caledar with only 11 months. Which sounds a lot like you actually.

  54. Your $29 dress is awesome, and you look so beautiful in it. Have a lovely time. I’m staying up until it’s midnight somewhere else, because midnight is just way too late here.

  55. I know we’re probably supposed to notice the (mock-up of?) your memoir in the
    background, but my eyes first went to the Harry Potter set. I knew I liked you!

  56. Just make sure the floor under the table isn’t too sticky. And strap a note to yourself that says “I’m a zombie, if you wake me up I will eat your face.” That kind of thing discourages unwanted attention.

    Happy New Years!

  60. I missed out on the free calendar, which I am bummed about, but I haven’t had internet since Tuesday so I am not going to beat myself up about it… and will get a calendar even if I have to scrounge change from airport couches to do it!

    And may I say that you make that $29 evening gown look like a million bucks!

    Happy New Year! Good luck finding a suitable table to nap under!

  61. Jenny, thank you so much for all the laughter and even the tears in 2011. Wishing you and yours only good things in 2012!

    PS Did Victor’s arm/hand ever get any better?

    PPS Glad your ovary didn’t kill you!

  62. Have a safe and wonderful NYE2012. Thank You…just for being You. Thank You Victor for sharing your wife with us and allowing us all to be a part of your family, even if it is a small piece.

  63. I can’t agree more – drunk driving is for losers, criminals and dead people. So… um. yeah. Don’t do it.

    Secondly, I heart you, Jenny. You’ve changed my perspective on so many things and I found you exactly when I needed it. And in the very dark times I’ve been in this year, I tell myself, “Depression is a lying bastard.”

    You. Are. Awesome. Happy New Year!

  67. I didn’t want a calendar anyway. I never us them past January anyway! I chose the party I could walk to so I don’t have to drive, however I’m wearing highlighter yellow so no drunks out there hit me. Also does anyone have a good way to stop bullets from the idiots who shoot up in the air. Are there any kevlar umbrellas out there?

  68. Happy New Year! I am so grateful to have found you this year and thanks for the laughs!

  70. I already bought the kick-ass calendar! Your wine slushy habit is more secure now 🙂 I will be working tonight sadly.. Happy New Year Jenny!

  71. Happy New Year to you & yours!!

    My 3-year-old has the flu, so we’re in quarantine. Eh, at least we have pizza!!

  72. Well, I am definitely not in the first 5, since when I read this post it said there were 71 comments, but anyway…Happy New Year, love the dress! My 18 yr old son said it was a great deal for $29. Hope you make it through the night without sleeping under a table, but if you don’t, that’s okay too…Have a good night!

  74. I hope you have a great time in New Orleans, which is a city which really gets you. You have lots of fans here. Please come back and do book signings here. I know a quirky indie bookshop which would serve you cocktails in the bathroom.

  75. Have a FABULOUS New Year, Ms. Jenny! Thank you for all the tummy aches and tears of laughter you have given me this year!

  76. Thank you for the wish, the song and your blog. May you live large in 2012!

    “We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them”-Kahlil Gibran …. so choose the joys! xxx

  77. Happiest New Year to you, you wonderful, funny, sweet woman. I love, love, love you! Thanks for bringing so much joy and thoughtfulness to so many.

  78. I love $29 evening gowns. That’s so my speed. I was so proud in high school when I got my prom dress for $20. Everyone thought I was nuts, but I looked good, so I didn’t care. Happy New year, and I’ll probably be asleep under a table by 9pm too.

  79. I’ll be hiding under my bed waiting for the Zombie Apocalypse. It’s totally going down tonight. But just in case I’ve got a bottle of bubbly chilling in the fridge. Happy New Year!

  83. Happy New Year, Jenny!! Your $29 gown is gorgeous (and you look pretty tasty in it, might I add) and I also had a very disappointing Y2K. I stood on the front steps waiting for downtown Atlanta to go dark but instead, there was just silence. And then a shitton of fireworks as all the drunkards in Decatur started partying it up all over again.

    Aaaanyways, hope 2012 is better for all of us– I hear that the laws of time will not allow murderous ovaries to act out in years that end with 2…

  85. Yay! Awesome dress! Glad you’re in my neck of the woods for New Years! Be careful down there… the bars don’t close in the Big Easy… :p
    ~Adrian @ Baton Rouge

  88. Hope you have a very happy new years and lots of fun in Nawlins!! Your blog continuously brightens my days. Thank you for blogging so I could discover you this year and delight in your wonderful craziness. Please keep it up! Happy 2012 to you!!

  89. Happy New Year! And for those of you worried – it’s 11am on the 1st of January in Australia and the world HAS NOT ENDED.

    Which is nice.

  90. Who oh why didn’t I link through earlier when I saw you had a new post on my sidebar blog reader/ticker thing-a-ma-jiggy. Oh well, maybe next year I’ll get that calendar! Though, without the calendar I may never know when New Years rolls around again …

    Happy New Year to you. Hopefully this will get to you before you crawl up under that table …

    I’ve only just found you but thanks for making 2011 so much lighter, brighter, funnier and filled with all the curse words I have to work very hard not to blurt out in front of my kiddos!

    Linda

  91. Happiest of furiously happy new years Jenny! I’ll be thinking of you when I hit the couch at 9pm…!

  92. I was so excited, we were going to see a picture of Victor. I am so sad now :(. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of the man who puts up with…err….loves you very much. *titter* Anyway, Happy New Year Jenny. I hope 2012 holds better things for you than last year, including more zombies. <3

  93. Wishes for a wonderful 2012 from a relatively new, albeit devoted reader. I’m with you – let’s get this crappy, crappy year behind us.
    Fondly

  97. Happy New Year to everyone around the world – thanks for making us laugh Jenny – even through your own struggles and dark days!

  99. Wow, NYE in New Orleans AND in a fancy dress. That beats anything I’ve ever done! Except maybe that one year my husband and I played Everquest II all night

    Maybe someday I’ll fancy it up for NYE. Or do something remotely exciting.

  100. Am I the only one who had her eyes fixated on Joseph Gordon-Levitt the entire time in an inappropriate “I’m way too old for you but would really like to drink New Year’s punch out of your dimples” kind of way? Just me then? God, I need help.

    Happy New Year! Not surprisingly, you light up a blue dress just as well as that red one.

  101. Wow! In addition to being hilarious, you are an awesome bargain shopper! That dress is gorgeous! Have a great New Year. Remember, this year we can look forward to The End of the World (again), so there’s still hope for the faucets running blood.

  103. Laissez le bons temps Rouler!
    Happy New Year, Jenny.
    Can’t wait to see what’s in store for 2012.
    Hope it brings nothing but furious happiness to you and yours.

  104. Thank you for making me laugh all year! You are a wonderful person and I don’t feel so alone knowing that you suffer from anxiety as well. I feel better about taking my meds because of you. Much love for the new year!

  105. 103! Heck I am way too late. Nevermind, calendars only remind me that I’ve already forgotten too much. As for New Year’s Eve, hope you have a spiffing time. I’m sorely tempted to pretend I’m really in England and I’ve already missed it. Hopefully a few festive bubbles with recharge my spirits, if not my bank balance. All the best for 2012

  106. I hope you have a blast. Are you going to share some of your New Year resolutions? I would love to see such a post. Just a suggestion/request… please? Either way, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

  107. That video just made me want to be a Deschanel even more. Fuck.

    That dress is gorgeous, it doesn’t matter how much it was. Live it up lady, and make sure to use someone else’s purse as a pillow when you’re snoozing under the table. It might make the rest of the evening way more interesting when they discover it’s missing.

  108. DATELINE NEW ZEALAND — This comment is being sent from 2012, YOUR FUTURE, so it HAS to be one of the first five comments, because that’s science.

    And thank you, Jenny, for the calendar and for wiping up New Orleans, at least the bit under your table, with such a lovely dress.

  110. Consider me equally disappointed in New Year’s Eve 1999. I thought shit was gonna jump off when the clock rolled to double zero.

    Happy New Year, my friend. 🙂 Hope our paths cross in 2012.

  111. there’s a ridiculous boy at my apartment viewing a film (throwing a hissy fit after i tried to kick him out) . . . so i let him stay. but i’m about ready for bed, too. enjoy being under the table. i’m in hell on my couch next to this guy. at least my dog is between us. and happy new year. 🙂

  113. I do love a good bargain that looks awesome and shows off the girls! Happy New Year Bloggess – thanks for being awesome. 🙂

  115. Ugh, should’ve read this earlier. You could’ve come to my son’s birthday. We’re in New ORleans!!!!!! Have fun, don’t get shot.

  116. I can’t believe you’re in my neck of the woods and I missed it. Stupid fog alerts…

  117. I swear that dress is the same one I wore in a wedding two years ago…and I paid way more than 29 bucks!!!

    Oh wait,, it’s still in my closet. That’s not it.

    Happy New Year!!!

  118. I seem to be a bit late to get o the top 5 but maybe I’m in the top 5 from Canada. We count in metric up here so that should be factored in if you have a calendar for me.

  121. Everyone knows Y2K was a overblown. It’s MCED you have to worry about … Mayan Calendar End Date … which would be 2012. Looking forward to another year of the Bloggess, and hoping it doesn’t get cut short by the end of the world.

  123. Happy New Year Jenny! Here’s to another great year of giant metal chickens, homicidal monkeys and more $29.00 evening gowns! Bless you for all the happiness you have brought into ALL our lives.

  125. May you and Victor and the kid have only happiness and good times.

    And do manage to enjoy the Big Easy. There is no better place to spend New Year’s Eve! Have a round of hurricanes for the rest of us poor slobs in snow country.

    Laissez les bon temps roulet!

  127. Happy New Year Jenny and all The Bloggess readers!!! My mom and I are the only ones still up. I am so screwed come tomorrow morning. Ah well, here’s to a great 2012 and the publishing of your book!!! 🙂

  130. Happy New Year Jenny! I’m in the mountains of NC. It’s beautiful here. It’s probably more beautiful in the daylight, but we got lost and it took us 4.5 hrs for a 2 hr trip. I’m not proud. It’s just a prime example of 2011 in my world. I digress. Party on…I can hardly wait for your 2012bday brilliance.

  133. I too was in bed by 9 PM. My excuse I had to get up at 4.30 am and go to work. My advice is don’t drive your car drunk. Take a bus. If you can find an unattended bus that is. Oh and it helps if you know how to drive a bus as apparently unless you are really drunk they are a sod to drive.

  134. Stayed up with the kids and watched the clock tower in Madrid, called all of our family back home to tell them I am calling from the FUTURE! (I am always calling from the future but it still made me laugh)

  135. I totally lurve that video. I had to repost it on my twitter too.

    And I spent the whole evening dancing around my living room while my parents sat on the couch looking bored while we watched “rocking new years eve” or whatever. So going to sleep at 9 under a table sounds slightly appealing!!

    Have a good one! 🙂

    http://www.theartofbeebeeing.blogspot.com
    @beebeesblog

  136. Happy new year bloggess and thank you for the calendar 😀 😀 I trust shipping to Beirut Lebanon won’t be much of a problem!

    Here’s hoping 2012 will be filled with furious happiness and an inappropriate amount of fun 🙂

  138. Hello!

    I stumbled across your blog a month or so ago and thoroughly enjoyed it. So, you got bookmarked. I was doing some ‘catch-up’ reading and came across a few comments about fear. I wondered if you’ve seen Mr. Ramesh’s comments about fear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=An18wQ3asMw Makes me laugh every time I watch it. Makes me think, too.

    Hugs and Happy New Year,
    Leanne

  139. SHIT! Late again.

    I really need a calendar, too.

    Happy New Year, Jenny. I hope you found a comfortable table to sleep under. 🙂

    PS: There is a $41 evening gown I desperately want but my hubby says I can’t have because I have no place to wear it. While this is true, I still want the dress. I look good in it. Do you think I’d go to hell for buying it anyway or in a worst case scenario, shoplifting it? We all only have 355 days left until the apocalypse. Does it really matter? LOL

  142. Happy New Year to you Jenny.
    I discovered your blog this autumn and it kinda helps me stay somewhat insane. Both the hilarious way you describe your life and the fact that you to suffer from depression make me feel not so alone in this world.
    I hope 2012 will be a good year for you. It can’t possibly end up any worse than 2011 for me even though it doesn’t feel good at all right now.
    Let’s hope 2012 will be good 🙂
    Happy New Year Jenny. You probably don’t know it, but people like you save others. Thank you so much.
    Hugs from Anita

  145. Are you sure it’s not AA instead of AAA giving out the free rides? Either way, my sober ass is spending NYE with my two favorite hotties: Papa John and Ryan Seacrest. Happy 2012 everybody! Seacrest, out.

  148. I hope you enjoyed New Year’s Eve in New Orleans and didn’t have to drive. The streets were like a very colorful and festive war zone.

  149. Dang! She acts, she sings beautifully, she’s beautiful, she has perfect hair, AND she plays the ukulele. How I love to hate that woman!

    Happy New Year, Bloggess!

    I wish I knew how to post a picture for you of my royal blue beaded and sequined killer super sexy totally form fitting dance dress that I bought at Goodwill for less than $20. It has MAJOR low cleavage and MAJOR high leg showage. Best thing about it? The guys never took their eyes off of the top and bottom long enough to notice the sausage rolls waistline poured into the middle!

  150. Happy belated BD kiddo. Enjoy your youth. You are still so very young. I have bras your age. Of course they have no elastic anymore; but I still have them nonetheless.

    BTW- I love that dress. Cobalt blue is one of my fav colors.

  153. Damn you guys are all over-achievers. Guess I don’t win a calendar. Story of my life. Now, carry on and Happy New Year to all. Love, Laurie F.

  156. And happy New Year to you as we start a new lap around the Sun!

    So I send Goddess blessings, Light, Magic, and glitter…tons and tons of glitter…flowing strongly your way!

    Prevail~Tattoo Girl

  160. Damn – I missed getting a free Bloggess calendar by 153 comments, or something like that. My math sucks, and so does my timing. However, I want to wish you a Happy New Year, and a Belated Happy Birthday! I spent my New Year’s Eve asleep at an unheard of 10 pm due to ridiculous cedar fever symptoms that hit me as soon as I entered Central Texas after traveling during the holidays. Which meant I missed tequila shots and my boyfriend’s fabulous barbecue because I was too damn wasted on cedar sperm.

    On the upside, I dreamed that I was on a plane with you and Victor, and you were trying to fly the plane. Zombies were not involved, but it was a little scary that you were attempting to fly the plane. I have no idea what this means except that perhaps the Benadryl I took was fucking with my dreams. In any case, I guess you could say we spent New Year’s Eve together, even though I’ve never met you and you frightened the bejesus out of me with your flying skills. I hope that isn’t weird or anything.

  161. That was great. Zoey has been one of my favorite actresses since Elf and Eulogy. So happy with her new show.

    Happy New Year to you! So glad I found your blog. You make me laugh in a year where laughs are few and far between. You give me hope for my 19 year old son, who went from being a hyper crazy kid to a teen barely making it through a fall into depression and social anxiety disorder.

    So, thank-you.

  162. Happy New Year, and thanks for the guffaws. Your dress is pretty. Zooey Deschanel has people who do her hair before she tapes stuff like this. You have nice hair, too!

  164. Nicole:

    Whenever there’s anyone in your home that’s making you feel like you’re in hell, kick them out! Especially ridiculous boys. And especially since you sound too young to have teenagers, in which case you make them stay in (but in their rooms not the living room) when they make you feel like hell. (It an inverse universe thing.)

    Happy new year!

  166. Hey, Jenny, i wish you the same. You have given me many laughs, and tears, this year and I think you are quite grand.

    Happy, helathy new year to you and your family and you look Great in that dress!
    XXOO

  167. Can I just say that in your “$29.00” dress, you look like 100 bucks! Oh, looks like I already did.

    You look amazing in that shade my dear!

    Happy New Year-wishing you great health or just wonderful meds that make you feel great-what ever works.

  170. Happy New Years! I love this song. i listened to it about a million times already. And that dress is AMAZING for only being $29 :] score for you!

  171. I love that video! I hope those two become an item! You looked beautiful in your gown. I hope you’re having a blast in the Big Easy. Please go listen to some great Zydeco music for me! Thanks much and have a happy 2012!

  174. ARGH!!! Wouldn’t you know it. I made a pledge to not buy any new stuff this year (except for cleaning and hygiene products) and forgot to buy a new calendar before the January 1st but didn’t see this post until it was too late. Well, now I guess I’m off to cruise craigslist for a 2012 calendar. Bummer.

  177. For New Year’s Eve we stuffed our faces with chocolate cherry cookies and champagne while watching Netflix movies. It was pretty awesome.

  178. Illness among dear family members can be so disheartening. I’d love to see a post with your thoughts on the top ten ways to keep your sanity while dealing with doctors/testing/chronic illness.

    Nobody could do it better.

  179. Bought multiple calendars so my best kinda F’d up friends and I could all enjoy our special kind of humor all year long – YOURS…Best gifts ever!

    Happy New Year!

  181. $29 kinda is a lot for a dress, but we all think you are worth it, so stop the emabarrassed and carry on with the proud. How did the very glamorous dress work at the gala? Did people clap and gasp is awe? They better, ’cause you are our Bloggess and we love you.

    Here’s to hoping that 2012 is full of fabulous $29 dresses for us all!

  186. I can’t believe I’m 180 late for the “give away”. I need to check in more often.

  187. I was there, too! In New Orleans, that is. And I was wearing my $30 little black dress! 🙂 Yay for cheap dresses in crazy places on New Years.

    You look awesome in your dress, by the way. 🙂 May you have many more occasions to wear it. Or other $29 dresses. They’re the best.

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