I’m sort of freaking out right now.

in blogging about blogging again, I am totally overrated, no one thinks this is funny but me, Random Crap, weekly reruns

You guys?  Guess what just arrived?

Holy crap, you guys. My name is on a book and I didn't even have to write it on with a sharpie.

These are the advanced, soft-cover, uncorrected, typo-riddled pre-copies but it doesn’t matter because they’re MY advanced, soft-cover,uncorrected, typo-riddled pre-copies.  And tonight I will curl up with my own book, complete with chapters entitled: “Jenkins, You Motherfucker,” “If You Need an Arm Condom It Might Be Time to Reevaluate Some of Your Life Choices,” Draw Me A Fucking Dog,” “And That’s Why Neil Patrick Harris Would Be the Most Successful Serial Killer Ever” and “It Wasn’t Even My Crack.”   The real book comes out in a couple of months and I just wanted to say thank you, because I couldn’t have done it without you.  Those aren’t just empty words.  I’m too dangerous for advertisers so most of the ads on this blog are from other bloggers who supported my need to write full-time.  Whenever I felt like I’d never finish this 10+ year journey to write my life story your comments kept me believing in myself.  When I was desperate for just the right word you were there on twitter to say “gumption” and “borborygmus” and “sump-pump”.  Getting the book quotes, finding an agent…every single part of this has its origins in social media.  This book was a group effort of so many of you who helped me finish it.  Which means that if you ever left a kind comment, or replied on twitter, or offered to let me read a chapter to you at 3am because I felt like a giant panicky loser then you wrote this book too.  Congratulations.  We’re authors, y’all.

(If you want to pre-order the book that you just wrote with me you can do that here.  It seems weird to pay for your own book, but I can assure you that I’ve pre ordered 5 copies myself at full price.  Mostly because I don’t know how to negotiate with publishers and I’m a terrible shoplifter.)

Also, I’m working on doing a little something special for everyone who has helped in some way, but it’s a bit overwhelming.  I’m in New York next week recording my audio-book {for the love of God, at least one person buy it} so maybe I’ll come up with the perfect thing there.  Something to say thank you, like a kick-ass bookmark.  Or something I can afford, like a handful of dirt.

But for now…let’s move on to this week’s wrap-up:

What you missed on Ill-Advised:

What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome

  • This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Joey Z’sMeatballs, which is a restaurant that doesn’t exist yet. But it will, if you help open it. Donate on Kickstarter to see it come to fruition. By the way, if this does come into existence I’ve been assured that there will be a Bloggess pizza sandwich WITH EDIBLE GLITTER ON IT.  FOR REAL. This must happen, you guys.

317 thoughts on “I’m sort of freaking out right now.”

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  2. So awesome!! Can’t wait to read it. And to put it on my bookshelf with my other red books. Just kidding, I don’t organize my books that way because I’m not that crazy. (I am that crazy, but your book will be shelved between “When you are Engulfed in Flames” and “Bossy Pants”.

  3. Jenny – this was a pretty amazing week, huh? I love how you’ve been able to stay authentic to yourself while advocating for important causes like mental illness and organ donation. Brava, you. You are, in a weird blogging crush way, my sensei.

  4. I seriously cannot wait to read our book. I’m pretty sure I’m now allowed to put this on my curriculum vitae, right?

    (No, but really, SO COOL. Congratulations.)

  6. btw, what makes you more, or, tangentially, what makes the publisher less? Kindle or Paper?

    (No clue. I didn’t really pay attention to that stuff. I just want people to read it. Doesn’t matter how to me. ~ Jenny)

  8. I will SO buy your audiobook!!! I find it easier to knit and listen than to knit and read!

  9. Where can I sign the hell up for the audiobook?! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT!

    (You can pre-order it now on Amazon, B&N, and all the other places on the book page. Thanks! ~ Jenny)

  13. so damn excited for you!!!!!!!!!
    i shall drink a bottle of wine in celebration!!!!!!!!! dedicated to you! and i’ll be ordering your book. it’s an exbulimic privilege. 😉

  15. AAAAHHHHHHHH CONGRATULATIONS!!!! To celebrate, I’m going to go write your name in Sharpie on all of the books in the nearest Barnes & Noble. Like, books that you haven’t written. Good thing my tax attorney took it upon himself to carry bail money for me at all times…just in case.

    You fabulous, bitchin’ babe.

    BMG

  18. I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to have to do and who I’m going to have to do it to to get a review copy. I am dying to read this book!!!

  20. Bamn!

    And there it is. The unequivocal and permanent evidence that you sir are a published author. Congratulations!

    ps. From now on when you go to cocktail parties (which I’m sure you do ALL the time) you’ll get to say things, “I’m sure you’ve heard of me before. I am, you know, a published author…”

  23. DOOD! you are for real my inspiration.
    I can only imagine how exciting that stack of books must really be for you.
    I want to (and I am not kidding) be just like you when I grow up.

  26. Woo hoo, HUGE CONGRATS!

    Enjoy the proof read of the galleys, I have already pre-ordered my very own copy. I am thinking it will be like Moby Dicy meets Jane Eyre meets War and Peace meets Agatha Christie meets Lisa Lampinelli…

  27. mine is pre ordered…. and i’m so excited to read it, and to make everyone else’s i know read it!

  28. Congratulations! I am going to get the audiobook so you can talk to me in my car. Portable, audio Bloggess for all!

  29. Well played, Jenny, well played. This is just all sorts of awesome. 🙂

    I can think of a number of friends I will be sending your book to.

    Wooot woooot!

  30. I must admit that you are an inspiration to me. I figure if you can do it, so can I. Of course, speaking of this, I should really get off the internet and work on my own book.

  31. I pre-ordered my copy on Kindle a few days ago. And can I just say you’ve given me a new reason to be my most favourite person in the entire universe because we backwards, upside down, down under – Aussies can ALSO access it via kindle! You’re my best friend, even if you don’t know it. I’ll just follow you around until you figure it out. Or stalk you online, whatever. I’d be totally happy to help you proof read it if it means I don’t have to wait until March…

    (Also, and this might be a secret so I might have to erase it in a bit…the publishing rights sold in Australia and New Zealand last month so you should be able to get it in paper as well soon. ~ Jenny)

  33. I remember once upon a time being in a van with you and four other ladies, threatening to drive it to Mexico, possibly so that you could avoid having to finish a certain book proposal, more likely just because it sounded like some serious Thelma & Louise style fun. I’m so damned glad we didn’t drive to Mexico. xoxox z

  37. Jenny congratulations! I’m in the publishing industry so I kind of know how you feel. It’s not easy, but you’ve done it! Be happy. It doesn’t happen to most people. And you, more than anyone, deserves this! Goddess help you…..

  38. Conggratulations. I love your posts and, often, share them with my wife; she’s crazy just like you 🙂

  41. I will buy the book, to be sure – because pieces of wood pulp with ink all neatly fused together at one side look so damned good on my bookshelf. HOWEVER, the prize at the bottom of this cereal box will be hearing you read it. OMG, talk about #furiouslyhappy. That is going to be radmobile, for sure.

  45. I’m going to have to arrange to pre-order this so I have something super fun to show up in the mail while I’m doing my end of year exams. So excited! ^_^

  50. Yay ARCs!!!! That’s so exciting! Can’t wait to have the Bloggess on my bookshelf… Er…um…

    I need a bookshelf.

  51. I desperately can’t wait to read your book. I have it marked on my calendar so I know not to plan anything that day other than boozing and reading your book in its entirety (I assume booze is the proper drink accompaniment, yes?)

  52. You are freaking awesome! I’m so happy your book is coming out and I cannot wait to read it! Congratulations x PI (or 3.14) or PIE…cuz I like PIE and I think your book could be better than pie!

  54. So absolutely fucking awesome. I am so proud of you. Also, I’ma gonna buy one and not even use my spectacular pilfering abilities (whispering: I have honed them).

  57. Awesome! Congrats! I am a new follower and fellow blogger. What an introduction to your site! I must catch up now on all the stuff I missed and then go buy your book.

  58. SO awesome. I pre-ordered the book we wrote ages ago and have been anxiously sitting on the very edge of my lawn chair awaiting its arrival. Not unlike that old Target commercial – nose pressed against window chanting…openopenopenopen – but with less window. You are an inspiration…and when somebody asked me about my silver ribbon the other day – I said….Jenny the Bloggess – look it up. Made a new convert! Keep rockin’ girly.

  61. So excited for you! I’m preordering my kindle copy and looking forward to adding to my public library collection when it’s published. You are an inspiration to me. Rock on!

  62. Congrats, gorgeous. Is it weird that I’m even more excited about the audio version than the print one? Also I’m just assuming NPH will read the serial killer chapter.

  64. SQUEE! I am so excited for you, and for ME, because I’ll get to read it, and keep my husband awake at night with all the probable giggling that will ensue.

  67. Hyperventilating for you – so so SO excited!!!!

    You’re my hero, the wind beneath my wings, and my American Fucking Idol. Congratulations on getting published!!

  68. The only reason I haven’t pre-ordered the hard copy is because I’m waiting for the audiobook! Never fear, I can be your 1. Just think of me (a stranger) when you’re recording it…? Don’t know how that’s helpful, but there you are.

  69. Go you!! That’s fantastic. I can’t wait to grab a copy and read the book (I don’t think I’ve commented enough to be part of the US you’re speaking of, but I HAVE recommended your blog to everyone in my life and got THEM addicted, too, so I’m kinda like your blog pimp).

    And you do a lot for US, too. You helped me bring my natural, abrasive humor to my public writing, and give me hope, and make me cackle with glee. That’s awesome, too.

  70. I pre-ordered your book the day you told us about it, and I’ll be buying it on kindle (because I need portable-Jenny), and I’ll be buying the audio (again, portable, hands-free Jenny) and I hope that buying it in three mediums means the purchase of dresses of fabulousness, or a giant metal menagerie, or yet more wolves. I kind of deeply want you to stage wolf-skin flashmobs. I want a gang of taxidermied wolves to just appear out of nowhere, walk around like it ain’t no thang, and then disappear. And I like to think that buying in *all* the formats, I might just help make that dream a reality (or, you know, I could be helping pay your mortgage or something, but really, who even pays their mortgage these days? No one. That’s why it’s called a recession.)

    By the way, I posted a comment around christmas time, about my fear of being diagnosed bipolar, and generally feeling out of control about life, wishing someone could tell me it would be OK. Things are better now. I am not ‘better’ and I am still waiting to be diagnosed, but the universe has sent me some furiously-happy and I’m getting out of bed and I’m throwing away the weeks-old food I stuffed under my bed and I’m doing laundry and ok, none of this sounds like anything, but it is. It’s something. Your blog helped with that. Just letting it out, saying it to a roomful of strangers, saying something scary to thousands of people I didn’t know, helped me step in the direction I’m heading in now.

  71. Congrats – that is so awesome and I will definitely pre-erder the book… unless of course I can have one of the typo-ridden copies? It seems all I read and write these days is filled with autocorrect mistakes and I am now unable to comprehend proper english without typos and words that make. No. Sense.

  72. I am jealous. I have always wanted to be the voice of an audio book. Sadly, I have no writing skills, so I will just have to keep pestering Neil Gaiman to let me do one of his. HAHA.

  73. Magic Cards with googly eyes is the best. ever.

    I mean, other things here are also the best. But that one I was able to share with my current Saturday group as I scrolled through.

  74. I came late to the Jenny party so I’ll pay, but not for the stuff I helped with over the last year. That’s fair, right? Congrats, You Rock, Knock Knock MOFO, and all that other stuff.
    Can’t wait to read it all.

  75. WOOT! If “WE” wrote the book, then can we write our names in sharpie on it?

  76. Being published is super awesome. Take a day to stare at the big, beautiful cover with your name on it. You deserve it (congrats)!

  78. Holy smokes that is so exciting! It’s about time your ingenious thoughts make it onto paper! (Official paper… not the notes I scribble down to make myself laugh later) Your blog has brought so much very needed laughter into my life over this past year and I can’t tell you how excited I am to read that book! My husband has been deployed all year and I have been auto-forwarding all of your posts to him all year to share the hilarity. It’s awesome because it made it so we never ran out of completely random things to spout off during our limited conversations. We get a single phone call in an entire month and we spend it talking about Beyonce and how he must buy me one when he gets home lol

    So happy for you!!!

  79. Looks like you have a taker on the audio book already, totally worth your time to go to New York! I will admit that I haven’t pre-ordered my book yet, but it’s in my Amazon cart just waiting for $33.05 worth of other goodies so I can get free shipping. Too bad zazzle won’t work through amazon…
    Congratulations to you! xoxo

  80. That is awesome! Are you going to do a book reading tour? I would so go to a reading if you did. I once flew from hawaii {where I was livng} to nyc to see my favorite author do a book reading….he hand out meat scented air fresheners and threw latex severed limbs into the crowd…imagine how epic your book tour would be

  81. You are not weird for buying your own book. When I was published in the “Sleep is for the Weak” anthology, I bought at least 5 copies.

    P.S. And I felt weird for doing that so…..maybe I shouldn’t be giving advice just yet.

  83. That is just tooooo freaking awesome!!!
    I told my son I was totally going to buy your book. He wants a copy of your advanced, soft-cover,uncorrected, typo-riddled pre-copy though.
    Is it weird that my 20 year old son likes you as much as I do? I think not.

  85. @Anonymouse *hugs* There are more people just like you than you’d ever think possible. This is something I am just beginning to understand.

    Re: audiobook. Want. However, the link to the audiobook (which seems to be broken – this works though http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1611760852?ie=UTF8&tag=thebloggess-20&linkCode=shr&camp=213733&creative=393185&creativeASIN=1611760852&ref_=tmm_abk_title_0) talks about pictures in the book… how much will I miss if I only read the audio version?

  87. Congrats and Much Success! I’m seriously happy for you and love you for allowing us into that wonderful mind of yours.

  89. I have decided my husband needs to go back to work a) so he will.leave me alone b) because he’ getting tired of “jenny this” and “the bloggess that” and most importantly so that I don’t have to choose between my antipsychotics and your gonna book. I would totally choose your book, but perscriptions keep my kids safer

  90. I pre-ordered on November 4 and can’t wait for it to get here! I’d even be glad to have an advanced, soft-cover, uncorrected, typo-riddled pre-copy, especially if you’d autograph it for me. 🙂

  92. So very cool about your book 🙂

    That Barbie hoarder thing is wicked! And the “I’m Fine” t-shirt…I want one of those!

  94. I just want you to know how amazing you are. You went from being just another person on the planet to a person who touches lives every day. You’ve helped so many people by sharing the pain you go through and I can see that you’ve made yourself stronger by not being ashamed or embarrassed about who you are. I will absolutely be buying a copy of your book when it comes out because I’ve been a faithful reader of your blog since I first found it. My only wish is that I’d been reading your blog since the beginning so I could see in even more vivid detail what an amazing person you have turned out to be, because while I have no doubt that you were amazing before you blogged, you’ve proven how much social media can do. I’m guessing the things you’ve accomplished lately are really just even bigger representations of the person you’ve been all your life. Having an outlet like this does so much for so many people, and you are certainly no exception.

    I don’t know you except for this blog but I’ve gotten tears in my eyes these past weeks reading your posts. The other morning I told my boyfriend I was acting crazy because I was furiously happy, and I got that from you. I’m working in a dead-end job I hate under a manager and company owners who spy on their employees and make us feel like shit every day. I want to be a novelist one day and I work on that goal every day. You help me remember that if I work hard enough I can overcome any obstacle and get what I want out of life. So thank you for that.

    If I’m ever in Texas, I will attempt to find you and stalk you because I think deep down you might appreciate the dedication. Your house shouldn’t be hard to fine, what with the metal chicken and the life-size TARDIS I’m sure you’ll have acquired by the time I ever make it to Texas. 🙂 Also, if you ever come back to Florida, feel free to stalk me. They’re adding onto Harry Potter Land at Universal so in a few years you’ll have no choice but to come back here.

    To conclude this longer-than-I-meant-it-to-be comment, congratulations on all you’ve done, and all you will do. One day when I have money I’m buying that furiously happy necklace from your shop. And the Ferris Mewler magnet, because aside from the extra thumbs, he looks exactly like my cat, who is named Freddie Mercury. Sounds to me like two certain cats should get together and do some sort of parade float shenanigans.

  96. Don’t worry I will definitely buy the audio-book. Have been looking forward to it since I read about it for the first time:-)

  97. I will totally buy an audio book. I always have people’s voices in my head while I’m reading a book only it’s never the voice of the actual person, it’s all Christopher Walken reading The Virgin Cure or Emo Phillips reading Twilight. To be able to listen to a book and have it be the actual person who wrote the book being the one reading it? Priceless. Or the $19.95 plus taxes the audio will cost me. Either/or.

  98. Hooray for Jenny! I pre-ordered the book a while ago, but I’ll probably also buy the audio version, just to hear your voice. Have fun during the recording sessions. I hope you don’t take the reading too seriously. I have an audio book by one of my other favorite humor writers and she read it so low-key, it was humorless. The voice in my head was MUCH funnier than hers. Enjoy yourself while you’re doing it, and I’m sure you’ll do a terrific job.

    Your poem “Everyone says Fuck-Off” is outstanding. Very professional. You totally could compete with the “Go the Fuck to Sleep” guy. I also loved the “Joy of Books” video – precious! And I’m probably only four of the characters in the last link. You win.

  100. Cant waitto read! I actually love the uncorrected proofs! You really get the way the author wrote it. Love it that way!!

  101. Wow. You have always been an inspiration to me in the way you express yourself, but the silent writer in me who keeps whispering “I have a story to share” is in actual tears reading this. Because I am so proud of you and your accomplishment, and because you have made me say out loud, “Maybe I could do that too.” Congratulations. You’re amazing.

  102. I happily preordered, and I’m trying to force everyone I know to do the same!

  103. Congratulations!

    I already pre-ordered my copy of our book [which I will be signing at what used to be Borders and is now a ALL THINGS CALENDARS store] but didn’t realize you were doing an audiobook, too. Which I need, because my commute is so shitty. So thanks for that, too.

  104. Jenny,

    I would do an almost of anything to get an un-editted version of your audiobook. Tell me when I can buy it, where can I buy it, and for how much???

    Pretty please with a cherry on the top 😉
    Farah

  105. That is awesome. I hope to have that feeling some day! Gotta have a kindle version, come on, you LIVE on the Internet.

    WG

  106. Hey! Throw me a DM when you’re in NYC & Let’s see if we can corral some NYC tweeps you might like to meet. Also, we can show you some fine places to eat & drink & maybe a couple of sights too! It’s Way cooler then coming alone ’cause we know our way around. Think about it.

  107. Pre-ordered weeks ago when it was first announced and I’ve re-tweeted the news. I love you as much as Sarah Silverman.

  108. I’m so stoked about your book! Have introduced all my friends to your blog and tweets. The only other author I’ve bought both the hardback and audiobook copies of is Neil Gaiman. Can’t wait to own yours! And thank you for my being able to order from Barnes and Noble. Guess what my friends are getting for Christmas?

  110. This is a better week for you YAY!! I’m so glad!

    It’s like you won the lottery of awesomeness, inside and out!

    Have a wine-slushie for sure!

    Also, give yourself a congratulation strangle that isn’t finished! (HUGS!!!!!!!!!!)

  112. When I told my mom you were writing a book, she asked me if there would be an audio book and if you would be reading it. At the time I didn’t have an answer but I’m so excite dot give her a “Yes”! Audio books are what gets us through our 45 minute commute to and from work every day, and it would really be something both of us could enjoy together! (I’m not always a big fan of the books mom picks.)

  113. Just think – next time you see someone with headphones on or laughing in their car they could be listening to your audio book, and next time you see someone reading it might be your book! What an amazing feeling 🙂

  115. Can’t wait to read your book! I’m sure it’s dripping in awesome sauce!

    I want the horse head mask for next year’s Halloween Swing Dance, but only if I can find the other end for my husband to wear……

    This past Halloween we went as Polly the Overly Inflated Plastic Blow-up Dolly and Pinocchio the Dirty Old Man. It made us furiously happy!

  116. can’t wait to get me paws on a copy!! so happy to see your success and it is a great motivator for others.
    Your art is your gift to the world. Rock on!

  117. I’d like to have both of the necklaces, but in ONE necklace (that you could wear the silver ribbon facing out when you were deep in the depression and the Furiously Happy facing out when you were coming into the light) {and by YOU I mean ME/I}… any way to make that happen?

    congrats on your book; I offered to read it for you before I’d ever heard your voice – you didn’t take me up on my offer, and good thing, too, ‘cuz the first time I heard you speak you were doing the Zombie Apocalypse Drill and brought the idea of Furious Happiness to my attention. would love to buy all your cool shit, ‘cuz it’s all so cool, but I’m busy trying to make Furious Happiness equal Financial Stability…

    I LOVE YOU, Jenny The Bloggess! 🙂

  118. I think Joey has a great idea for a food Ican never try unless he franchises rights to Canada, but before I am wondering why he does not call it JoeyZ MeatballZ because “meatballs” could mean meatballs or meat balls and well ..

  119. I’m lookin forward to two books this year: Yours and Mira Grant’s Blackout, the last one in her Newsflesh-Trilogy. It’s about social media and zombies, so probably pretty much like yours but with less cursing.

  120. It’s time to get the slippers out, the comfies on and roll up in amazement, reading the fruits of your warpedness. I only wish I had gotten to the next level…
    Congrats!

  123. I’ll buy your (our) audio book for myself and several clues of the physical book for friends. No worries .

  126. As one of your fans with a print disability, I was all happy to see you’ll be doing an audiobook. Rock! Unfortunately, that link takes me to 404-land. Where is it supposed to go? Looking forward to the audiobook!

  128. I don’t comment often but I read you, always. Love you, HARD. My husband and I have had many a good laugh that started with me reading him an excerpt (or entire) post from your site. 🙂

    Anyway, I totally preordered your book because DUH. It’s undoubtedly amazing.

  130. It’s hard for me to write love letters to people I admire when there are already so many love letters sent to the people I admire. That’s probably why my letters to Rihanna and Marie Osmond are still sitting in my dresser drawer.

    But I will say, WOW, freaking exciting. They say we’re happiest when we’re growing, in the process of reaching our goal. Now that you’ve reached this incredible milestone, what crazy thing will you think up next I wonder?

  131. Just want you to know that I am going to recommend that my library pre-order at least 6 copies of your book and at least 6 audios. It is the least I can do.

  133. This is so awesome I’m going to order 20 and write my name on it with a Sharpie next to “BY” and send it to everyone for Christmas this year. I’ve now written a book AND got my Christmas shopping done. Fuck YOU, 2011, who’s laughing NOW!!

  134. do you get a sense of deja vue reading your own book? I know with my memory I’d be saying “boy this seems familiar, wonder if this guy is stalking me” but then I’d realize I’m not cool enough to have a stalker

  135. Congratulations I am so proud!! I’ve already preordered my book, can’t wait to laugh until I cry reading it!

  139. I will be ALL OVER the audio book because:

    1 I love you
    2 I am trying to walk more and it is better than the shuffle of music on my phone that only ever plays nirvana
    and 3 I need to uphold my title of crazy lady with the crazy kid and I am pretty sure laughing till tears run down my leg while wandering the streets of BumFuck Nowhere should just about do it.

    x

  141. Fab on the book! Incredible to see!!

    And yes, the book is great to see and all…but that Ferris? That is just one bad to the bone dude.

  142. Hey there Jenny,

    This is the first time I’ve posted a comment, though I love your blog. I’m more of a lurker 🙂 Usually I think of funny things to say right back to you, but I read your “Horrible Sound of Sirens” post on your other page annnnnd am for some reason posting a reply here. Too late now, I’ve already entered my email.

    I am a paramedic, and I just wanted to offer you a different perspective on the sound of sirens. Maybe it will help you be less anxious next time you hear them. Here it is:

    We all know that there are unfair things that should never exist in a perfect world, and so of course they exist in ours. There’s no denying the fact that when there are sirens, something bad is happening. But when you hear the sirens, know that there is something good happening as well – at least one crew of people specially-trained and eager to help is closing in on the scene.

    When you hear sirens, know that trauma and danger are around the corner, but also that good medicine and protection is near at hand. When you see blue and red lights, know that something bad is happening, but also know that people who can help are closing in to give the victim a fighting chance. When you hear the roar of the helicopter, know that whoever is there is in bad shape or is a long way from the help they need, but that said person has the best chance possible of a speedy transport to definitive care.

    You can’t stop the bad things from happening. You can’t stop the worry that it’s someone you know. But you can know that when the sirens are coming, so too is care, management, and support. Sirens mean a chance. So next time you hear sirens, think “Oh no,” – it’s human nature – but next time also think of hope. Hope is always near at hand.

    When sirens are sounding, help is on the way.

    Love you lots, and thanks for the shout-out for organ donations.

    Will be reading your book from my seat in the ambulance,
    Becky

  143. I am so happy for you. I can”see” your smile from here. All the best, you truely deserve it.

  144. Pre-ordered it ages ago. Can hardly wait. Maybe my book club can discuss it. Or maybe not…. I am the only crazy person in my bookclub. (And by crazy I mean in the AWESOME sense!)

  145. I would love to send you a picture of my version of the red dress…..mine is blue, came from the Goodwill store and makes me furiously happy. But I don’t really want to put a picture of myself out here in the interwebs for just ANYONE to see…..
    Plus, I don’t really know how to link it here.
    Anyway, do you have an email address that you would actually be willing to share with a friendly stalker like me, where I could send it? You know, one of those email addresses people call their “throw away” one? If I promise to lose the address as soon as I send you the picture?
    I don’t do Facebook….
    Or Twitter….
    Yeah, I’m technologically challenged.
    But I do know how to link a picture to an email….
    Think about it, okay?
    Please?

    And by the way, I don’t think I ever updated you….remember the online forum I mentioned in a comment on one of your previous blogs, where we give each other Karma and Gummy Bears? (Sure you do, cause you remember each and every comment we make, I’m sure, just like Oprah remembers everyone she’s ever met on every elevator….) It resulted in $500 being given to charity on December 31st. Half to Oxfam America and half to the William J. Clinton Foundation. In a way, YOU made that happen. It was very cool.

  147. so i absofuckinglutely adore your blog! My goal is to one day be a fraction as funny as you are but then again I’m horrible at keeping goals so I’ll just stick to reading your posts. Anywho, I saw this pic today and totally thought of you…must have something to do with it reminding me of Beyonce. Enjoy! http://www.incrediblethings.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/taxidermy-endanger-species-3.jpg

    I swear it’s not a virus…it’s a totally freaky taxidermy rooster/goat? thing but wonderfully dreadfully terrific.

  151. Is it weird that I’m excited about the audio book because then I can workout to something that isn’t teen fiction or a classic I feel like I should have read by my age?

  152. Ummmm, Barbie becoming a hoarder was so freaking amazing that I forget everything else that I just read.

    Ohhhhhh… the book. YEEEEE HAWWWW!!!!!!!!!

  154. I’m so jealous! I really cannot wait until April. Or that I have more money to pre-order/ buy more stuff in your shop.

    Thought for a special (not that I think I deserve one) but I think many fans (including myself) would love some chance of our purchased book being signed? Just a thought.

  155. yeah awesome you!!! I can’t wait to read it!! Yes I have mine on preorder and I can’t wait to do my review on the awesomeness that is you! Congrats Ms. Bloggess you deserve all the success in the world!

  157. I just preordered your book. Because I’m sure that it’s arrival will move to the back of my mind by the time it shows up on my doorstep, I took the opportunity to give myself a gift message. I love to do this, actually. This time I want to share. Along with your AMAZING book, I get this:

    You ordered this. You forgot about it. The arrival of it today of all days is fortuitous and a special sign of…. something. You should probably go buy a lotto ticket.

    Also. Um….

    I’ve always wanted to tell you this…

    I think you’re hot.

  158. for defos, i’ll be buying the audiobook. esp if it’s on audible… but even otherwise. I looove me some audiobooks

  162. I was on amazon pre-ordering it before I even got to the link to pre-order it. (#urnottheonlyonewithadd) Can’t wait . . . not sure if I’m capable of reading anything longer than a blog entry anymore – may end up getting the audio book too . . . thanks for bothering to write it!!

  164. What’s the street date for the book? We have an AWESOME independent bookstore who will get it for me. Also since it’s mostly staffed by other friends-of-Dororthy we are very similar in our senses of humor, etc…

  165. Congratulations! That is awesome. I can picture it now… red wine, twitter, and a book. I can’t wait to read it. I’m putting it on my list for things I want my mother to buy me. Just because it will be funny. Because I’m 30 and she will still be super pissed I bought a book with the word “fuck” in it. 🙂

    Which just makes it that much better.

    xo Kristen

  166. Do you realize how long it takes me to read your weekly wrap ups?! Hours! Not that I’m complaining, I love every single minute.

    Jenny, you rock. More than you know. Single-handedly, you are helping thousands (possibly MILLIONS) with your awesomeness. Kudos.

  167. pre-ordered from amazon and TOTALLY STOKED! thank you, thank you, thank you, Jenny, for being the voice of all us nutty girls out there! For making us laugh, for making us celebrate a giant metal chicken and a stuffed mongoose, and for shedding light on the deep dark “secret” of depression that can exist within the brightest among us. Love you lots, girl! You are the underdog hero!
    xoxoxoxo

  168. I just want to thank you for making my Christmas shopping for next year so easy. Especially for my mom. She loves reading stuff about motherfuckers. She’s 86 but she’s still got game.

  169. After hearing your narration of “Everyone Says Fuck Off” I’m increasingly motivated to hear the audio version of your book. I’m sure you’ll have no trouble selling the audio book with that kind of advertising.

  170. I, too, am extremely excited that your books are in. Rough, close-to-final draft that it may be, it means that my pre-ordered book is being worked on. Whenever I AM expected to receive this, it will be like Christmas morning when I am five. The chapter titles alone are like seeing wrapped presents under the tree. I cannot f-ing wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I will probably read it all in an afternoon. It might even require playing hooky from work, drinking before 5pm, and texting my unfortunate boyfriend random quotes from it that he will likely roll his eyes at.

    Point: I’m excited.

  171. Jenny~
    PLEASE tell me that you are allowing for a KINDLE version????
    That would make my self-indulgent butt so happy!

  172. UM… nevermind… I checked, I ordered, but apparently skimming comments does not mean I read them…. Talk about being blonde.

  173. Congrats! In the meantime, did you start a new blog? This one smacks of you, especially today’s post, “Chalkboard paint is the new “put a bird on it”.”

    If it’s not you writing that blog, then creeeepy. You might feel right now how I felt when I found your blog, which was “how does this woman know what’s in my brain???”

    Srsly. Take a look. http://www.pinterestyouaredrunk.com/post/15756909751

  174. Congrats that’s a big deal and something very validating in being published. I preordered my copy and hell yes I’ll take an audio version too!

  177. That is AWESOME! I dream of writing a book that gets published. But then I remember I’m too lazy and I’d give up halfway because I get distracted easily…
    I will definitely be reading your book. If I ever get to read a book again (had a baby 10 weeks ago…)!

  180. I’m asking for a copy for my birthday. I would make you my book club book because you rock, but I’m going to make them read The Hobbit so then I can talk some of them into going to see the movie with me. 😀 Congratulations Jenny!!! I hope to someday have my own typo-filled advanced copies of my own book too. Now to put my big girl panties on to accomplish said goal. 😀

  181. I’m so looking forward to reading your book. You deserve to be furiously happy about it. As others have commenced, you rock. I was so blown away by your brave post about depression. I am hoping that you get your wish to see a sea of silver ribbons. I’ll be one of those people.

  183. Bought your book for my nook- hey, that rhymes! Cannot wait until April. Also bought a necklace and a tee-shirt for Jody’s family. What a week of highs and lows, huh? I’ll be going upstairs to kiss my sleeping kiddos again before heading to bed tonight.

  184. Now only is your name on the spine, but it’s also sharing space with a wee little stuffed thespian mouse. That’s like double the awesome. Congrats! 🙂

  185. I have 2 copies on pre-order and can hardly wait to get them. Best of luck because you certainly deserve it.

  186. Gah. That should read, “NOT only…”

    Good thing I wasn’t your copy editor. I was just so excited, I prematurely submitted. I swear it’s never happened before. *cough*

  189. Thanks to you and Greg over at Telling Dad, my co-workers now think I have some sort of breathing fit w/ uncontrolled eye watering syndrome…so thanks for that!

    Also there are like a dozen metal chickens here in N.B., TX and if you need a guide to take you around to them all I’ll totally be busy that day ’cause I don’t think Victor wants to have more fucking chickens in the yard…:)

  191. I cannot tell you how excited I am to read you book. You’re such an inspiration — I can’t wait to see how you became the fabulous person you are today. And to laugh my butt off. That too. WHY ISN’T IT APRIL ALREADY?!

    Also, I just saw that you were blurbed by Neil Gaiman O_O I want to say “Congratulations,” but that doesn’t seem quite adequate. How about “BOOYAH!”?

  194. Can the handful of dirt be delivered in person and accompanied with the line, “THAT’S all you’ll ever get of Tara!” Because if so, I’m in for one.

  195. Advice for your audio book recording — don’t talk loudly. Your voice will be gone in an hour. And drink hot tea while doing it. We all know how much you love to talk and wouldn’t want this awesomeness to deprive you of the ability.

  196. congrats, sweet girl. thanks for being an inspiration and for taking us along for the ride. these last two years of reading your work has been an adventure. you’ve built an amazing community and because of you i’ve met so many cool people. keep on doing what you do. for all of us.

    cannot wait to read your book.

  198. I can’t wait to read this! I have it pre ordered and I am so very excited to laugh my way through it.

  199. There is so much I want to say to you right now. I hope that I can make sense. I am three bloody mary’s in to the evening.

    1- I pre-ordered your book a while ago and I cannot wait for it to arrive. I am SO looking forward to reading it. Is the audio going to be in Audible.com? That would be so awesome!

    2 – I just read The Horrible Sound of Sirens. My husband is a nurse. He is also the leader of the organ donation team at his hospital.

    This story touched me in ways I don’t think that I can express. One of the things that I thought about is that her husband was in an interesting (NOT the right word, but I cannot find the right word) position.

    He is the grieving spouse and the husband of a nurse. He knows the other side of the story. He knows what is going on behind the scenes. He also knows all the emotions the harvest and evaluation team are going through. He knows that they are hiding it from him. He knows they are showing him the impeccable professionalism that comes with the job.

    He knows that at the end of the day they are going to go home to their families and hug them tight. They will relay the sad story of the day. He knows that they will feel sorrow for him and his children. They may have a few drinks, they may take a pill to sleep. They will most surely shed some tears…..then they will move on…to the next day’s work, the next case, the next family.

    He knows that some cases are going to stay in their heads forever and some cases will be forgotten. He knows this because she has had cases that stayed and cases that passed through. Her case will stay with all of the those who worked on it because she was one of them. They never forget those cases.

    My husband and I have been reading your blog since a friend recommended we read Beyonce the Giant Metal Chicken. I read the post and laughed so hard that I almost puked. I tried to read it to him, but I was laughing so hard I could not keep reading. He took over reading out loud. He was laughing so hard I thought he would choke. Tears from laughing streamed down our cheeks. It was awesome. From that moment on, I added you to my iGoogle so we would never miss a post.

    Today, another post caused us to sit together shoulder to shoulder, reading and crying. This time the tears came from sadness, empathy, understanding, and experience. Thankfully, the experience comes from the nusre side and not the grief side.

    SO, I want to thank you…you bring joy to our lives…you bring camaraderie (my husband suffers from anxiety)…you bring laughter. Today you brought us a story that touched us deeply, for many, many reasons.

    We are going to donate money to the family. While I know that during the last few days there were hundreds, if not thousands, of families all over the USA who suffered loss and tragedy, this case worked deep into our hearts. we saw ourselves in this story.

    Thank you, Jenny. Never, ever underestimate the power of your blogs. You are AWESOME! Thank you for sharing.

  200. In terms of reading: I say start with “Not a Box,” then follow up with “Not a Stick.” Classic reads right there.

  203. For what it’s worth: my wife and I will be buying the audio book the very instant that it’s available. And we will fall asleep listening to it for many nights.

    Also, you’re deserving of every good thing that’s coming to you now. Period.

  204. I’ve always been the comedian that scared bookers and club owners and some TV shows. I always thought they were assholes, all the people who passed on me because I was too edgy THANK YOU TONIGHT SHOW WITH JAY NOT FUNNY LENO.

    But I’ve never given up and I’ve never changed a WORD for anyone. Okay once, to get on Starsearch because I needed the money but I lost so doing things for money wasn’t a success for me but that show was rigged and I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

    So it makes me SO happy to see you succeed with book chapters that have the word Motherfucker in it. Because it means My Team is winning. But if you get on the Tonight Show with Chin Leno before me I WILL BEAT YOUR ASS.

  206. Congratulations! Amazon Japan has is available for pre-order too so you have gone international already. Can’t wait to get it.

  208. Congratulations! I can’t wait to read it! And I’ll send a copy to my mom because she’s the one that introduced me to your blog in the first place. (I’m not sure if she’s a regular reader, but I know she loves your humor. ^^)

  210. Congratulations Jenny Lawson. You did with all your helpers. What an example of how blogging works. Tell Victor I said hello

  211. Congratulations!!! I pre-ordered ages ago and have the release date marked in my calendar (mostly so I’m not surprised when money vanishes from my bank account, but, you know, a bit because it’s also exciting).

  213. I can’t wait to read your book! Congratulations!
    Reading the stories you write makes me so happy. You are not only funny and smart, you have the biggest heart! So consider this a huge ass hug from me (((<3)))

  214. I think you should get a ‘silverribbon’ tat. It should be located above your heart. I can’t wait to read your book.

  217. I am so excited!! I jumped at the chance to pay full-price for the Kindle edition because this is a book I can not miss out on reading! I found your blog during the first Beyonce post and have been devouring every post since. Hysterical!! I even ordered the “A hug is like a strangle you haven’t finished yet” shirt for a coworker to be delivered after I had resigned and moved away. I hear he wears it with pride.

  218. Congrats on the book!!!! I can’t wait to get my pre-ordered copy. I think I will get the audio version from Audible as well. And then make everyone I know listen to it in my car. Only parked in the driveway because if we hit a bridge because we’re all giggling too hard that would be kind of embarassing.

  220. Was that Posey at the end of the Ferris-Mewlder-in-a-Tree video? He’s looking not so much like Gollum. Or at least his cat-butt looks less like Gollum.

    Really, I need a Posey update. I shared your post about him with my sister, who has a cat who looks like him named moose, but they call him Moewis because his last name is Lewis, and she’s now worried that his life is perhaps tied to Posey’s.

    and congrats on the book. I have demanded a copy be sent to me for my birthday. hopefully my fiance complies, or this wedding shit is off.

  228. Congrats on your dream coming into fruition!

    So…why is the audiobook more expensive than the regular book? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

  229. As I was reading this post, my mom went to check the mail and came back in with a letter to me from Canada. So while reading your blog, I received my silver ribbon. That kinda made my life. =)

  230. I want the book and I want it NOW. I’m leaving on a South American cruise in 3 weeks and I can’t think of a better way to spend a long flight and lots of time in a lounge chair than with your book! Guess my trip just won’t be as fun as it could have been. Perhaps I should postpone the trip?

  231. I have just read your entire blog from now back to the start (some people would have read it chronologically but that would be too easy) and love it. Looking forward to reading your book

  233. I just watched your video, ‘Everyone Says Fuck Off’. It’s true. So true, I filmed it a couple years ago.

    I thought you might like this. You’d be surprised how many people get angry when they search, find and watch “swearing babies” on YouTube.

  235. I cannot WAIT to read this book!!! You really make my day, I love reading your writing and I am so glad that you wrote a book. Yay!

  236. Pre-ordered, done. I recently read a thing — maybe on Neil Gaiman’s blog? — about how you should pre-order a book if possible because the pre-orders are what publishers base the first press on. Lots of pre-orders = a big first run = better chance of a book becoming a best-seller, or at least a really-good-seller.

    So I pre-ordered. Yay, Bloggess (and us)!

  238. If I could only be as cool as you!

    I preordered!

    I cannot wait to ravish your book with my eyes (no really i have it circled in hearts on my planner)

  239. I’ll give you $10 for one of the advanced, soft-cover,uncorrected, typo-riddled pre-copies, plus a handful of New Zealand dirt from my backyard primordial jungle.

    I’ll even help you proof it, if you likker me up.

    Seriously, congrats, Jenny!

    This is a pretty awesome shit snack.

    Woot!

  240. I can’t wait! It’s like waiting for the next Sloane Crosley, Mary Oliver, or Brunonia Barry book! I will pay full pop for this book when it comes out! Congratulations!

    {fireworks going off in the background]

    To infinity and beyond!

    Prevail~Tattoo Girl (sending Goddess blessings full of Magic and Light flowing strongly your way)

  242. I preordered your book way back when you did the first post about it and no kindle edition either. I want the REAL book! Cannot wait for April. Both for, you know, spring, and YOUR BOOK!!!!! It’s inspiring to know that someone else took 10 years to write a book. That kinda gives me hope.

  244. Just another little reminder—-I still REALLY want a little dangling version of pierced earrings of Beyonce. With or without real feathers. And it would be especially awesome if we could press a button on one and have it say “Knock, knock Motherfucker,” and have the other one say “We need more towels.”

    Please?

    I’d buy the hell out of those.

    I’m just sayin….

  245. So awesome…you should randomly write sharpie notes in a copy everytime you see it on a shelf for sale. It will be like bonus material for one lucky buyer!

  251. Just knowing you’re out there, not giving up, makes me feel a little stronger, day to day. And that’s not even counting the gut-busting hilarity and husband-taunting hijinks.

  255. I was so happy to learn I wrote a book that I ordered it today! Seriously, you make me laugh OUT LOUD on a regular basis. Can’t thank you enough for showing up AS YOURSELF, because yourself is awesome. Love you to pieces. And Ferris Mewler too <3

  258. So, I only listen to books, which means that I was beyond excited to see that YOURS was going to be in audio format. I was so excited that I actually haven’t really read through the rest of your post, or the comments. My first reaction was to write and tell you Thank You. Muchas Gracias. Thanks so much!

  259. Jenny, I’ll be buying the audio version, because my daughter’s dyslexic, and I don’t want her to miss out on your version of reality. Shine on, you crazy diamond!

  261. Can’t wait for your book to come out! Working at a library and having access to lots of free books, it’s saying something when I say that I can’t wait to buy it. You rock my socks off. Thank you for being you.

  263. Pre ordered your book when you first announced it & I will DEFINATLY order the audio version because I need something worthwhile to listen to on the longggggg drive to wal-mart seeing how it takes an hour to get there. Your welcome 🙂 I have also pre ordered several hard copies to give as gifts to those who need to get over themselves & realize that they are not as awesome as you (someone has to knock them off the high horse they have placed themselves upon if for no other reason but to save them from themselves)

  264. I am one of the people who will be excited to read your book…That will definitely be awesome!!

  265. Awesomesauce! Can’t wait till I have the book in my hands 🙂

    I’m on GoodRead too and your book is on my to-read list 😉

  266. Those books are so sexy, there on that velvety chair. I needed that on a Monday afternoon.

    And you are the shit.

    Question: are you going to do the Parental Advisory: Explicit Lyrics version of the audiobook, and also another, made-for-radio version? Because I want to send a copy to my grandmother, but using the word “fuck” out loud causes her actual, physical pain below the breastbone.

  268. I’m very excited for your book to come out. I received an Amazon gift card for Christmas so immediately pre-ordered your book…..whick incidently is being released just 5 days after my birthday. So I used my Christmas gift to buy myself a birthday gift! Perfect.

  270. I want to french kiss all of you.

    Yes, there will be a book tour, but I don’t know the details. My guess is it’ll be based on where the pre-orders come from. If you can’t make it to a book signing I’m working on something else. Details to come, sweet things.

  271. I’m excited for you.

    I’m also excited that you consider us part of this book.

    That said, I have yet to receive my profit-sharing details. I’m assuming it’s been lost in the mail, or that Copernicus has eaten them. Please resend. I can’t wait til we’re rich together and can rule society with your stuffed and metal inanimate animals by our side.

    Great. Now I’m all emotional.

  274. Can’t wait to read your book! Make sure you guys stop in the Northeast on your book tour! Past New York. New York is so last century.

  275. Simply can’t wait to read you. You write the way I think which is fantastic yet kind of scary in a totally good way.

  277. I can’t wait to read this masterpiece! And I am beyond excited that you are recording an audio book…that is bound to be hysterical! Congrats! 🙂

  278. Congratulations! I am totally buying this book! On Kindle though, because my husband is a little crotchety about the number of books I have strewn around. Also just sent you a friend request on GoodReads, which you should accept, becuase I’m not a stalker, not too crazy, but did read The Wilder Life recently, which indiates that we must have some common interests. Besides, you know, being funny.

  279. I’m tecnologically challenged so the answer to my question will probably be obvious. will I be able to buy it in the uk ?

  281. WoooHOOOOO…..I pre-ordered it on my nook! I will probably buy a hard copy too, just so that I can have you autograph it for me. Congrat’s

  283. I still can’t wait for the audio book to come out and it’s makes me beyond happy that you are recording it yourself!
    I plan to buy a print copy as well, even if I can’t read it, it’ll be awesome on the coffee table or in total plain sight on the book shelf for others to read. I believe everyone should read your book!

  285. It’s really sad how excited I am to see your name on a book.

    Go, Jenny!! Whoop Whoop!! You rock socks.

    I absolutely, completely, totally, HAVE TO buy this book.

  286. Congratulations! I can’t wait to read the book and wish you all the success and happiness in the world. Your talent with words inspires me whether it’s a witty piece or a serious subject, you are tremendous at both!

  287. I just wanted to tell you that my ‘red dress’ is my own novel, as-yet unpublished, still in the dastardly revision stage. You have become my inspiration. Not only with the Red Dress, but because I can see your path to publishing and see myself in your shock and hope and startled happiness. I want what you want. I don’t care if it sells. I just want people to read. YOU are proving to me that it is possible, and I’m next as long as I get my butt in gear.

    Also, I found you through the Chron and have gleefully followed your posts for a while now. Please do book signings in Houston. Home team needs you! I promise I will take off work to make it and tell my boss I have explosive…something that requires a specialist.

    I hope Hailey’s doing better after last week?

  288. I’m super excited for your book!I pre-ordered it with my Christmas gift card money – yay! I didn’t know you were going to do audio too. I may just have to purchase that as well.
    ALSO, that children’s book you linked to is only $0.99 in e-reader format! Sweet!

  289. Uhh pre-ordered on Amazon weeks ago. If you don’t come to Tampa on your book tour, some of us may drop dead from the rejection.

  292. Jenny,
    I would be amazed if your contract didn’t entitle you to 25 or 50 free copies, maybe more. Although it’s definitely a thrill to buy a copy of your own book, especially the first time.
    First time I saw my own book in a store, I was so shocked and giddy, I walked out of the store without even buying it! And my author copies hadn’t arrived yet.
    We were in the middle of a nightmare move, had sold our house the day my baby girl and I came home from the hospital after a C-section, and the contract stipulated we be out in six weeks.
    So we were in a brand new town, me with a brand new baby, post C-section and a 3-year-old, the husband already at work every day, the house a disaster. He came home one day and asked what might make me feel better, and I whined, “I want to go to the bookstore!”
    We all go to the bookstore, and he stays in the car with the kids to give me some peace, and there’s my book. I tell the clerk behind the counter, “That’s my book! That’s my first book! My book is out!” Hold it, flip through it, freak out and walk out without it, to go tell my husband and three-year-old that mommy’s book is in that store early!
    And the husband says, “Well… where is it?”
    Which is when I realize I’d left it there. 🙂

  294. already pre-ordered 2 books for me and my sis!
    for my sis and I?
    for my sis and myself?
    for mine self and herself?
    for us!!!

  295. You know what I need? A “Furiously Happy” bag. And a million other things from your shop. Thank you for being awesome!

  296. I’m so ridiculously excited about your new book! Congratulations, Jenny. I cannot wait to read it:)

  299. Pre-ordered!

    Also, we have a group of women in Chicago and Milwaukee who have formed a Traveling Red Dress group. We are each going to find/borrow/make/steal red fancy dresses and do a group photoshoot or two once spring comes. (In Chicago, it’s currently 23 degrees).

    I’m a costumer AND a size 22, so I’m taking it on myself to design and modify a Red Dress that will make bigger girls look fabulous! I’ve picked out the pattern, and plan to put it together in such a way as to make alterations fairly easy. I already have a couple of women in mind to send it to once we’re done. It makes me a little weepy just thinking about the looks on their faces.

    So see what you have inspired?!?!?

  300. I am so happy for you! Congrats on the book. Go and ogle it in all the bookstores when it is out and recommend it to people just standing there and then go tell the people who work there that this is like YOUR book, get it?, and see what happens. People might not appreciate that but you won’t care!

  301. I can’t wait to read it! I put off the pre-order since it doesn’t come out until the last day of tax season (yay for accountants) & I prefer to ignore the next few months and pretend like they never happened. Oh shit. Sorry about that. Ha! Anyway, I finally broke down & made my pre-order because it will make an awesome after-tax season gift to me. Plus, if I didn’t get it right away I’d be forced to download it on the iPad and I just really want the real book…trees be damned.

    Congratulations on the completion of your book and thank you for consistently making me laugh until pieces of me hurt. Oh…I’ll absolutely be getting the audiobook too, the husband loves audiobooks for long drives, sharing is caring!

  304. Jenny, just wanted to let you know – I finally preordered my kindle copy!! Now that I have one and all… but thank you again for being you, and supportive and amazing. You make all the crap in life right now a little easier to deal with.

  305. My best friend and I were just talking about how we were both so excited to have your book on pre-order for our Kindles! Can’t wait to read it. Also, thanks for talking about ‘Good Reads’. I didn’t know about it. Just to let you know you should not read ‘The Giver’ or any of the rest of her work. They are horribly depressing, open ended (create your own horrible ending) books. I saw that you had two books by Cassandra Clare on you to read list. All of her books are brilliant! I love her.

  306. I totally agree with Breanna -#89- my husband is just as annoyed with me! I started a joke with my friends that live far away- I ordered them the Knock Knock Motherfucker Christmas cards and ornaments this year, and sent them as a surprise. One friend just surprised me with your calendar and the Knock, Knock chicken beer stein, which I will be forcing my hubby to drink out of at my pleasure. Serves him right for not getting the humor. Maybe he and Victor should have a “man date”, sounds like they share personality traits…
    Now, for the most serious news ever- did you hear about the Edgar Allen Poe museum? It needs outside funding to stay open, because the stupid city of Baltimore decided to cut funding!! Maybe we can all band together and come up with a cool Edgar Allen Poe assortment of zazzle items to raise money or something?? I’m sure your crazy readers could come up with something! I’m in, so maybe this would be a good idea for a future blog post? I mean, if anyone should have their own freaking museum (besides you), it should be the most world-renown author of creepiness, right?? Who’s with me??

  307. I have an audible membership, so if your audiobook is on audible, I will totally get it. I will also have to buy a copy of the book because I feel like I should give you money for your blog, even though it will technically be giving you money for the book. I will be sure to explain it to the clerk when I buy it. And by clerk, I mean Internets checkout cart thing.

  308. I love your blog. It makes me feel fine and hopeful and pretty jolly even though i’m someone who writes every day (which i love) but sadly i’m a lawyer so it’s not funny or helping people – it’s mostly making other people annoyed or more poor or both. I pre-oredered your book, (1) because i want to read it and (2) becuase i hope you become a rich and famous author and make money making the world a little BETTER and then maybe someday there will be a market for funny women who write stuff that doesn’t begin with the words “Verified Complaint” (which is also what i put on my nagging notes to my fiancee) and then i can quit and do that too. Hugs. And keep your chin up.

  309. I’m torn, Jenny. I want it on my Kindle so I can have it ASAP, but if there are pictures, then I’m going to need a ‘real’ book. Are there pictures? Are they awesome?

  311. I just checked my available balance on my nook account ($13.02). I then checked the pre-order price of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened for my nook ($12.99). WOWOOWOWOWOWOWOOOOOHOOOOOOOO! And I have $.03 left to do whatever I want with. Lucky girl.

  314. I just found your blog.
    1) you are awesome.
    2) Congrats on the book! That’s so kick ass.
    3) I glanced through your shop, and your first 2 items made me gasp out loud followed by “Oh Jenny, I fucking love you.” The D<3ctor.
    4) Thanks. I have actually lol'd (loudly) a few (lots of) times, and thats something that I haven't done in several days. It's harder to pull myself out of these funks without medicine, but it's also easier than constantly forgetting to take it, and everyday being completely wonky. So…there. That's my fan mail, and declaration of new love. 😀

  315. I was just turned on to your blog (not literally turned on, or figuratively turned on, but more “notified about”) by a friend last week and I’ve been reading back posts every morning since the day she told me about it. You are absolutely hysterical and I love your site! Thanks for making me laugh in a time when life isn’t as funny as it used to be. The only problem is that now I have to read the posts aloud to my husband because he has also fallen in love with the humor (hopefully not with you), and while he’s not illiterate, he hates to read (which is why he married a writer, I suppose). Now, every morning, he asks me, “Did she get any more giant chickens?” and has read/listened to more of your blog than he’s read/listened to any of my own books or blogs — which is very sad and pathetic, but kind of funny, too.
    At any rate, congrats on the new book! I’m SO thrilled you’re doing an audio version (so I won’t have to read out loud to him anymore). You have a new lifelong fan…

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Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

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The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

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