How to make your husband think you’re a witch

January 11, 2012

When I was in HR we had swear jars to keep us from cursing. I liked the concept but I always thought it would be better used to stop people from saying more uncomfortable phrases than “douche-nozzle” and “hell-biscuits.” That’s why I want to make my own swear jars and make my husband use them ALL THE TIME.

PS. It’s totally not “that time of the month.” Also, I resent the fact that Victor just said he’d make his own damn jars and they’d say stuff like “I’m tired” and “I don’t understand how that works” and “My computer’s broken”. Mostly because my computer’s broken and I’m tired. I don’t understand how that works.

{ 309 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Shiloh Walker January 11, 2012 at 9:36 pm: I almost choked when I got to the bottom. Awesome.
Shiloh Walker recently posted..For all those authors who seek to destroy their competition…
2 Kate January 11, 2012 at 9:36 pm: Awesome! I love it.
3 Lori January 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm: *dies* You are made of awesome Jenny. Sometimes I want a husband just so i can annoy him with stuff like this
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4 Caroline Pollock January 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm: He is the best straight man in this comedy!
5 Kristin January 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm: The post lived up to the anticipation created by the twitter query. Well done.
6 Lost.in.Idaho January 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm: What about an incorrect typing jar?

Every time someone tells me “Your welcome,” I demand a dollar.

When someone types “Me to,” I demand fifty cents.

2, ur, l8, and other lazy type, when not on twitter, and I get one kick to your crotch.

These jars start NOW. Thank you for the inspiration.
Lost.in.Idaho recently posted..How Certain Fonts Rub People The Wrong Way
7 Lori January 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm: *and holy shit snacks i responded first -dies-*
Lori recently posted..In defiance of SOPA
8 Laura @ Unlikely Explanations January 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm: “We can’t afford to keep buying all these jars”.
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9 ann @ my life as prose. January 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm: LOL. this is a great application of an antiquated ritual. brava, jenny
ann @ my life as prose. recently posted..this whole working moms are happier thing.
10 Kate January 11, 2012 at 9:37 pm: Love it! And, probably pinning it.
Kate recently posted..There’s a penguin on the Telly!
11 hogsatemysister January 11, 2012 at 9:38 pm: Thanks ever so Jenny, but it’s not like wife people need help with this… We ALWAYS thought that. Duh.
hogsatemysister recently posted..10 Helpful Memory Tips To Combat Mid-Age Brainfarts
12 Barbara January 11, 2012 at 9:38 pm: The jars are filled with foreign coins. Canadian, maybe?

Anyhoo, my husband thinks I’m a witch, and I don’t even have any coin jars. However, every time we get an empty container that could hold coins, my husband saves it to put pennies in. If the country ever runs out of pennies, they’re all in my bedroom closet.
Barbara recently posted..Fight Internet Censorship
13 Lost.in.Idaho January 11, 2012 at 9:38 pm: Oh, and man jar for women: When we ask you what’s wrong and you respond “I’m FINE” put some cashola in that jar…
Lost.in.Idaho recently posted..How Certain Fonts Rub People The Wrong Way
14 The Other Jamie January 11, 2012 at 9:38 pm: Keep these for when you’re going through perimenopause. Trust me on this. Except for “moist,” “oozy, and “turgid.” Because they go straight out the window. That and “Jesus, is it that time of the month again?”
15 Dawn January 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm: I’m doing this … and I think I’ll use apothecary jars, they look cool
16 Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd January 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm: I was going to say we need one for “I hate this commercial,” and then I realized that was really sad because we do have a DVR.

With two dogs and a cat in the house, a “Stop Licking” jar would fill up quite fast.
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17 Imgovtdrone January 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm: “I don’t know how to do that.” Need this one for work.
18 pgoodness January 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm: That would be so fun!! And I think that if he makes jars, you get to take money out of his to put in yours. Win-win
pgoodness recently posted..Back to normal
19 Mindy January 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm: Turgid! Yes! Do I win? Or, wait, do I have to put money in the jar now?
20 Karen Maeby January 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm: Yup – can definitely think of a few I would make of my own… bahaha!
Karen Maeby recently posted..Struggles as a Teenager
21 Amanda January 11, 2012 at 9:39 pm: My Dad’s side of the family says “sangwich” all the time because they’re Italian. Not because they say it naturally, but because they find being stereotypcal hilarious. The only good way to say it is “sangweeeeeeeeeeechhhh”
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22 joanna January 11, 2012 at 9:40 pm: You are a winner.
23 joanna January 11, 2012 at 9:41 pm: Also, watermelon sangwich sounds wonderful. I want one.
24 Anonymous January 11, 2012 at 9:41 pm: Another jar should be: Why do you need that purse too? or Don’t you have enough dresses already?
25 Anaquana January 11, 2012 at 9:41 pm: Hehehe… truly awesome. I’m now wondering what kind of coins those are in the jar.
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26 Rachel B January 11, 2012 at 9:41 pm: If only I had a dollar every time I wanted to stab someone. I would be a millionaire and the world would be a better place. Win win all around.
Rachel B recently posted..“Cheers to a New Year and another chance for us to get it right.”
27 ScrapperZee January 11, 2012 at 9:42 pm: I LOVE IT!!!
28 Karina Chapman January 11, 2012 at 9:42 pm: If I had a jar for every time my husband said, “You didn’t know that ? The’ve been using that forever!” I swear to you, he makes these things up.
29 Cris January 11, 2012 at 9:42 pm: This should be a poster in your shop.
Cris recently posted..This Marriage Brought to You by a Fortune Cookie
30 Cassandra January 11, 2012 at 9:43 pm: My boyfriend’s jars would say- “Where’s Kitty?” “How’s Kitty?” “Are there any new peppers?” “Can I have a Playstation?” “It’s too early to go to bed.” “Why are you touching me?” “Why do you hate me?” “Quit Singing! You are not allowed to sing?” “Yes, I am watching Hellboy. Again.”

I’m going to do this. This is how we’re going to pay for our vacation this summer.
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31 Brenna January 11, 2012 at 9:43 pm: Awesome! But what kind of money is that in those bowls? Tokens?
Brenna recently posted..Why don’t I ever get to rest on the couch?
32 Kristin January 11, 2012 at 9:44 pm: Have been wracking my brain trying to figure out how to translate this into something usable for the cat that will NOT stop knocking shit off the dresser in the middle of the night…
33 Dani January 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm: I need one for my MIL who throws in an ‘R’ into wash… Like she warshed her car in Warshington…. But she’s quick to make fun of my extended family in NJ.
34 Karina Chapman January 11, 2012 at 9:45 pm: Ha. I should have a jar for myself for every time I manage to delete half my comment just before posting it.

That should have said, “If I had a jar for every time my husband said, ‘You didn’t know that (insert random sports phrase) they just said on ESPN? Where have you been? They’ve been saying that forever!’, I’d have enough money to buy a condo in Waikiki.”
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35 Shannon W. January 11, 2012 at 9:46 pm: If I had a dollar for every time my boyfriend uses an ellipses instead of real punctuation though, I’d be in Costa Rica right now … though I live alone, so it’s hard to collect.

*see what I did there – irony. I gots it*
Shannon W. recently posted..The Glass Castle: review
36 Sarah Elizabeth January 11, 2012 at 9:47 pm: Jenny, I love you, but I love the word “panties”. I do hate “moist” though. Blergghgjg.

PS? If Victor understood that he is predictable, things would run much smoother.
Sarah Elizabeth recently posted..The Laughing Man
37 Milaka January 11, 2012 at 9:48 pm: Yep, you’re awesome. I should put money in a jar every time I say that about you. That would be some coin!
Milaka recently posted..I’m 44 Years Old!
38 Lynn Lovejoy January 11, 2012 at 9:49 pm: Holy crap this just made my whole damn day…you are amazing…PS why do all men assume we are on our period when we act cuckoo? Sometimes I’m just crazy bc I feel like it lol
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39 Sleepy_Carol January 11, 2012 at 9:49 pm: So every time I tell my hubby I read something on you site, he always responds “Poor Victor”. I think you are just awesome! Hubby won’t appreciate this one.
40 Stefanie setlock January 11, 2012 at 9:51 pm: I freaking. LOVE. THIS.
41 Ang January 11, 2012 at 9:51 pm: I am so doing this.
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42 Lesley January 11, 2012 at 9:51 pm: I need to make my cats a money jar. Everytime they fight…put the money in. Everytime my girl cat wakes me up at 3 am for food…money in the jar. Etc.
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43 kelly w January 11, 2012 at 9:53 pm: I used ‘turgid’ in Hanging With Friends’ last week (and won). I actually like that word.
44 KatPerez January 11, 2012 at 9:54 pm: Best idea ever! I absolutely HATE the word moist. People say it just to annoy me. The tables shall turn!!
Hmm this really would be a good way to save for a trip.. *ideas*
KatPerez recently posted..It only takes 21 days to form a habit
45 Mama Kat January 11, 2012 at 9:55 pm: I need a jar for my husband for with this phrase “Just livin’ the dream!”
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46 Mayor Gia January 11, 2012 at 9:57 pm: panties is a gross work, that no one should ever say.
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47 Mayor Gia January 11, 2012 at 9:58 pm: word*** damnit
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48 Alexis Redmond January 11, 2012 at 10:00 pm: Love ‘em. You are just too funny! Dammit….here is a quarter.
49 Tami January 11, 2012 at 10:01 pm: I’m reading “Bossypants” right now, and even though I love Tina Fey, you are so much funnier!! I just laughed more reading this one post than I have reading 50 pages of her book. How do you not have your own TV show yet?
50 Mrs. Mustache January 11, 2012 at 10:03 pm: My husband seconded the “My computer is broken” jar. Fuck.
Mrs. Mustache recently posted..You’d Think Gun Provenance Would Not Matter to a Cat
51 cassie January 11, 2012 at 10:04 pm: It feels good to have a laugh after so much tragedy today. I truly pray that woman can go home to her family someday. Thank you for being so amazing.
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52 Backpacking Dad January 11, 2012 at 10:06 pm: SEEPAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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53 G fizzle in tha hizzle January 11, 2012 at 10:06 pm: Gawd you’re funny. Luckily my husband never cleans out his pockets and laundry is one of “my chores.” I’ve gotten so much bank from doing laundry, it’s like he’s paying me to do it. And I’m 100% okay with that. So when I’m hormonal or pissed, I’m all like, I think I’m going to wash some laundry now. Yes, that will make me feel better.
54 Erin January 11, 2012 at 10:09 pm: I want one for “good talk”…typically said when I’ve been yammering on about something inconsequential. I’m at home with a two year old ALL DAY, don’t mock my need to talk at another adult damn you!
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55 Kp January 11, 2012 at 10:12 pm: I love the crap out of this. Though I would use it for farts instead of words. And I would be a flipping millionaire in a matter of days.
56 Chelsie January 11, 2012 at 10:13 pm: In our house, it would be “braised” or “pork belly” because we watch way too much Top Chef. I threw a shoe at the TV last week right after screaming, “What the fucking fuck. BRAISED PORK BELLY AGAIN?” It scared the cat. (He’s kind of an asshole, so he should be glad no one in this family wants to braise his short ribs.)
Chelsie recently posted..Five Things You Thought You Knew About Moms Who Blog (but are completely false)
57 juliejulie January 11, 2012 at 10:14 pm: Please send jars. I need some goddamn jars. Now.
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58 Kate January 11, 2012 at 10:17 pm: I will now be referring to all assholes as “douche-nozzles.”

Thank you.
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59 WilyGuy January 11, 2012 at 10:19 pm: My wife swears that “broke” is a mid-west thing, like “y’all” in the south.
Typical conversation:
Her: the vacuum is broke.
Me: n?
Her: n it doesn’t work.

Yep, lather, rinse, repeat… We have this go ’round once a week if not more

WG
WilyGuy recently posted..Your Idiot Friend Tax Time of the Year Reminder
60 Pish Posh January 11, 2012 at 10:21 pm: Oh god not “fustrated”… how about “phertographer”?

If you put this at my work Jenny you’d make a LOT of money.

Add “darn tootin” and “sumbitch” please!!
Pish Posh recently posted..Run for the Border: The Mexican Olive
61 Meesh January 11, 2012 at 10:22 pm: Aww, bless – thank you for letting me submit my gross word via DM. *hugs* If we’re voting for phrases and words that irritate, mine are “just sayin” (notice how it’s never SAYING but SAYIN) and the word AMAZING. I think there should be a drinking game that involves Twitter, and every time a celebrity says AMAZING you have to do a shot. Game over before midnight.
62 Zipop January 11, 2012 at 10:23 pm: Is that the same jar, or am I missing a bigger point?
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63 C @ Kid Things January 11, 2012 at 10:23 pm: My mom loves to say panties. I really wish she’d stop. Maybe I should make her a jar so I can be a damn millionaire in a week.
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64 Amy January 11, 2012 at 10:25 pm: Also and as well used in the same sentence – aaaargh! Redundant!
65 Amy January 11, 2012 at 10:28 pm: How about “Don’t you have enough goddamn pairs of shoes?”
66 a January 11, 2012 at 10:30 pm: I need one for supposably. Desperately.
a recently posted..All right, enough of this depressing shit…
67 holly January 11, 2012 at 10:32 pm: Victor: What the hell is wrong with you?!?!?!
Victor: What the f…?
Victor: Stop talking
Victor: *sigh*
Victor: You win
And I may have read myself into the bloggess in the beginning & end
op-sie
68 Morgan Drake Eckstein January 11, 2012 at 10:35 pm: My wife needs one that says “Whatever you want to do”—something that I say that drives her completely nuts.
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69 Sj January 11, 2012 at 10:41 pm: You need a jar that says, “Isn’t that something your mother would say?” It works for either person and is totally reviled by all.

Except me. Because my mother is wise, and wonderful, and brilliant, and kind…and reads this blog.

Sj recently posted..In Order To Form A More Perfect Union ~ Part 2
70 dawn aka BusyMom January 11, 2012 at 10:43 pm: I love the jars, of course at my house I would have to have them for the kids. They’d say things like ‘I don’t know”, “Not Me” and ” I don’t have any homework”… I think that covers most of the un-truths the kids say to me on a daily basis… oh and, ” That’s Not Fair”.
Because, of course, in a house with 3 teens no one ever does anything, no one knows anything and there is apparently NEVER any homework given in the public school system… and I believe EVERYTHING the teens tell me… okay, I guess I”ll have to have a jar for me for that one!
Or I could get a red dress and wear it every day when the kids get home from school… then I wouldn’t care what they tell me because I would look so hot and stunning and down-right Un-Mom-like… kinda like I did way back in the old days before I had any kids… oh, wait, I can’t remember that far back. But in a red dress and a counter lined with jars that wouldn’t matter either!
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71 Pish Posh January 11, 2012 at 10:43 pm: You know what you really need? Jars for people saying nice things. That way if Victor walks in and sees the “thank you for being a wonderful wife jar” has got one measly nickel in it, its time for a little wooing.

At work I would like a “no that’s okay I’ll do it myself” jar or “I’m handing my homework in on time jar” so they can see how seldom these things are said.

I guess no one would want to have to pay to say nice things though huh? Plan FAIL
Pish Posh recently posted..Run for the Border: The Mexican Olive
72 Carri January 11, 2012 at 10:45 pm: Okay. I’m a little shit faced right now so I have no idea what this even means. But since you wrote it, I’m assuming it’s funny. I guess I’ll find out for sure tomorrow.
Carri recently posted..To Quote The Great Kanye West
73 Anastasia January 11, 2012 at 10:52 pm: The coins are Ukrainian Hryvnia. The tryzub was a dead give away
74 Kelli January 11, 2012 at 10:58 pm: I lost it at “moist.” And then I lost it again at ‘Jesus…” *sigh* I am imagining a gauntlet of goldfish bowls I could set up in my house. Cha-ching.
75 NewMommyConfessions (@NewMommyConfess) January 11, 2012 at 11:13 pm: Now your question on Twitter makes so much more sense… I’m going to have to make a few of these for Huzzy. Especially the “watermelon sangwich” because well, you just never know, do you?
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76 Jaylene Henderson January 11, 2012 at 11:14 pm: I once thought it was a good idea to work at Victoria’s Secret, ya know, for the discount…. However, they put me at the front of the store and I had to vocalize the word ‘panties’ at least 50 times a day. After a week I quit and I had to explain to my manager that I couldn’t say the word ‘panties’ without laughing. She was blonde and 22 so she didn’t seem to get it….
77 twbiotch January 11, 2012 at 11:20 pm: I called a friend’s boyfriend a douche-nozzle one day and she nearly passed out laughing. I told her I didn’t make it up, but she didn’t believe me. Now o have proof that I’m every bit as un-original as I claim to be. Thank you, Jenny. For keeping me honest.
78 Kathy Kurth January 11, 2012 at 11:21 pm: lol I only need 5 Jars and I will be rich in a day!
“honey look”
“come here”
“will you …”
“did you …”
“no”
79 Anne January 11, 2012 at 11:27 pm: I just found your blog today, but I loved it so much I shared it with my best friend. Her response “omg, she sounds like you!”

I have never gotten such an amazing compliment, ever!
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80 Jell Jell @ I'll Sleep When They're Grown January 11, 2012 at 11:37 pm: watermelon sangwich!!!!
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81 Ashley Bustamante January 11, 2012 at 11:44 pm: When I saw the title of this, my first thought was of Tina Fey’s “Bossy Pants” book. She mentions her father exclaiming, “Your mother is a witch! She’s cursed me!” After she claims that rug shampooers never work, and the one that he brings home does in fact, not work. I like to think we all have that kind of power.

Great post!
82 Breanna January 11, 2012 at 11:47 pm: My husband would kill me. His for me would defiantely be an “I want another baby” jar. But i’m gonna have to start a jar for everytime he says, “and you want how many kids?”
Jenny you are amazing.
Breanna recently posted..6 Birthdays, 7 days
83 Melissa January 11, 2012 at 11:49 pm: I can’t stand when people say they need to” warsh” something.

Although, I wish I would have had this a few years ago when my daughters were on a kick of saying ” Aren’t I sooo popular? Omg, you look sooooo popular” (in a valley girl voice that would irritate even the most devout Sweet Valley High reader. Yes, I just dated myself)

And no, they did not understand That pretty, cute, sweet, etc is not synonymous with popular. It took forever to convince them that they were using the word incorrectly.
84 Eli January 11, 2012 at 11:49 pm: Hahahaha Ooooh, priceless!

…I need most of those jars
Eli recently posted..Calm?
85 Steve January 11, 2012 at 11:55 pm: Abolutely way too close to the truth… how do you do that!!
86 Melanie January 11, 2012 at 11:56 pm: Flustrated/Fustrated…amen. You’d make a fortune in a third grade class with that one.
Melanie recently posted..I’m Vulnerable. Like a Baby Sea Turtle.
87 Susan January 12, 2012 at 12:03 am: What’s wrong with “moot”? It rhymes with “woot,” after all!

Also, I too am wondering about the origin of the coins in the jar. I recognize them, but that isn’t saying much as my parents have been just about everywhere in the world and have brought leftover coinage back with them.

Since I live alone with a cat and dog, how do I force them to make me accumulate wealth?
Susan recently posted..Make Easy, Low-cost Math Journals
88 Andreas Heinakroon January 12, 2012 at 12:10 am: Brilliant idea! I think I’ll put a few up in the office for ‘Let me finish!’ and ‘Just a quick question..’. And perhaps one for ‘Ail things being equal, how long would our take?’.
Andreas Heinakroon recently posted..Most annoying urban myths debunked – part 7
89 Ant January 12, 2012 at 12:15 am: Two things! But I can only remember the one about “moist”: http://xkcd.com/919/
90 Memphis Steve January 12, 2012 at 12:17 am: You guys either have a lot more fun than we have in my house or else you torture each other half to death and will one day be involved in a murder-suicide. I’m not sure which, but it’s entertaining from this side of things.
Memphis Steve recently posted..Irony
91 Sandy January 12, 2012 at 12:24 am: Turgid! Why would anyone ever have a REASON to say that? I spent 3 months in China last year with 4 other Americans, teaching, and I told the story of flipping furiously through my sister’s romance novels when I was 11, looking for the words “heaving” or “throbbing” then reading the good parts. One author called a guy’s hard penis his “turgid organ.” One of the other teachers became obsessed with the phrase, and declared that he was calling his next band “Turgid Organ.”
Sandy recently posted..Circumstances Under Which It Is OK To Buy Me a Car
92 Ms. D January 12, 2012 at 12:31 am: That’s it, I’m making the very first one for my house. I HATE that word with every fiber of my being, and people think it’s HILARIOUS to say it to me, often in MY OWN DAMN HOUSE. Genius!
93 Cheryl D. January 12, 2012 at 12:36 am: Hehe! I love it! They have jars at my work too–but not for swearing. They’re for when people eat junk food. I don’t participate. They don’t pay me enough money at my job. I’d go broke!
Cheryl D. recently posted..Hate and Prejudice
94 Moomser January 12, 2012 at 12:36 am: I’m making an “is that another new pair of shoes” jar. And then I’m using the money to buy more shoes. That should really piss my husband off.
Moomser recently posted..Brookstone, vibrators and the economy – wtf wednesday
95 kaela January 12, 2012 at 12:46 am: You forgot:

Slacks. (Please – just say “pants” like a normal person.)
Curd. ()
What? (You heard me.)
Can I help with anything? (When I’m on the last dish/last bit of laundry/last onion to chop.)
It’s time to get up. (Because mornings are completely unfair, which I am quite certain is my husband’s fault.)
kaela recently posted..100% Local: Brazilian Feijoada
96 Way January 12, 2012 at 12:49 am: I want jars for improper use of who/whom, there/their/they’re, and your/you’re! Ugh drives me nuts! Oh, and all of those pithy catch phrases and buzzwords they use in my office! Puh-lease! Although I’m sure someone would be handing me a jar for saying ‘whatever’. Like I care, whatever.
97 Lucas January 12, 2012 at 12:50 am: I may have just woken my roommate up by laughing loudly, but it was worth it. That was the best possible note this night could have ended on.
98 Courtney Cantrell January 12, 2012 at 12:59 am: This is made of cramazing.

Thank you for the gigglesnorts! : )
Courtney Cantrell recently posted..Can We Bare It or Bear It: The Breasts of Superheroines
99 Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo January 12, 2012 at 1:00 am: I want to steal your jars.
I want MPS to look like Milton the Monster.
Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo recently posted..Today I get an internal ultrasound, a pap test and my mother coming over. Guess which one I am dreading more?
100 Jennifer January 12, 2012 at 1:26 am: Are those German pfennigs? That would be an awesome poster!
You are a ray of sunshine.
101 Tammy the Awesome January 12, 2012 at 1:46 am: Upon closer inspection, are those Chuck-E-Cheese tokens in the jar? That totally won’t help you on the financial side, unless you have a desperate hankering to play Skee-Ball.
102 T.S. January 12, 2012 at 1:57 am: I love you. Just so you know. (not the restraining-order kind of love…just the “Hey!That human being is amazing!” kind…)
103 d foote January 12, 2012 at 2:01 am: It looks like Victor is just putting nearly worthless Ukrainian kopeks into the jars. Nicely played Victor.
104 Alison January 12, 2012 at 2:04 am: My husband refers to a vagina as a “furgina.” You’d be surprised how often this comes up. I totally need a jar. Thanks for the laugh!
105 Susan January 12, 2012 at 2:08 am: Haha! My husband says he’s “flustrated” and I’m all “do WHAT?”. but then again, he lives with me. go figure.
106 LynnDee January 12, 2012 at 2:11 am: I want a Victor. Do you think he’d be open to cloning? Or I guess the better question is would you be open to cloning him?
LynnDee recently posted..Why the “No Response” Is a Dating No-No
107 Rose January 12, 2012 at 2:25 am: LoL, I want to try this too.
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108 Anonymous January 12, 2012 at 2:37 am: Giggleworthy.

(Are those euro coins?)
109 Marianne January 12, 2012 at 3:04 am: How about a “You bought more towels?” jar — money for a friend for Beyonce
110 Oly January 12, 2012 at 3:05 am: Haha. Oh Jenny, I love you so much. Glad I’m not the only one who has a problem with ‘moist’ etc!
Oly recently posted..Is Religion A Delusion? #2 Tolerance Of Other Beliefs
111 Jimbo January 12, 2012 at 3:38 am: At least some of those coins (most maybe) appear not to be U.S. coinage. So were they contributed when swore in Spanish or French or Mongolian, etc.?
112 The Honourable Husband January 12, 2012 at 4:21 am: I notice, Jenny, that you chose a piece of clip art that contains the old Deutschmark and Pfennig. This is rather appropriate. Here in Germany, we’re energetic public scolds. We love to point out when someone is not following the rules.

I would like to create a swear jar that reads Tut mir Leid, Ich kann Ihnen nicht helfen, or “I’m sorry, I can’t help you.” I’d be reich.
The Honourable Husband recently posted..National Clean Off Your Desk Day Passes Without Incident
113 Brigón January 12, 2012 at 5:19 am: ‘moist’ should definitely be considered a swear word.

so should ‘slacks’ ….
Brigón recently posted..Hello world!
114 Anna January 12, 2012 at 5:29 am: Turgid is a word I ALWAYS read as turd and then I string the two of them together and shiver/giggle at the imagery. VILE.
Anna recently posted..domesticity is overrated
115 Maura @ Eve Was Partially Right January 12, 2012 at 6:06 am: If my husband says “Holy Smokes” before another sentence, I’m going to bean him in the head with one of your jars.
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116 Amanda January 12, 2012 at 6:18 am: My kids estimate that I owe our swear jar about $30.

I’ve never considered doing a swear jar for all the annoying things my dh says. *Ding! This is a whole new world. If he says “Do what?” one more time I’m going to hit him with a swear jar!
117 Beth Fehlbaum January 12, 2012 at 6:37 am: I once told my kids that if I cursed ONE MORE TIME, I’d wash my OWN mouth out with soap.
Well, you KNOW how this story progresses, don’t you?
After squirting liquid soap on my tongue and swearing a blue streak at how awful it tastes, I told my kids, JUST DON’T LISTEN TO WHAT I SAY.
It worked.
They don’t.
118 EdT. January 12, 2012 at 6:52 am: Swear jars don’t work with me. They set one up once, the next day I brought a bag full of nickels to work and filled the thing up.

~EdT.
EdT. recently posted..Spotted On Teh Twitterz: Getting Our Money’s Worth?
119 kylydia January 12, 2012 at 7:02 am: If I had one at work, it would be filled quickly by my coworkers and have the phrase, “Whut kin I do ya, fer?” on it.
120 Kande January 12, 2012 at 7:09 am: I would have a jar for every time we watch Modern Family and my husband doesn’t look at me or answer a question, NOT because I am interrupting an integral part of the show but because he is staring at Sophia’s boobs. Which I guess to him is an integral part of the show. And I may as well save myself the trouble and just raid his wallet to fill that damn jar now! I would start a jar for my toddler, everytime she says Mommy …. but she is not a millionaire so that wouldn’t last even a day!
121 danielle January 12, 2012 at 7:10 am: it amazes me how I can fall in love with you so many times… these jars are so fucking funny and dead -on. This wifey is inspired!
danielle recently posted..How-to Keep Your Earbuds Untangled and Other Awesomeness
122 yeppa January 12, 2012 at 7:15 am: Love it. Mine would say “inappropriate”. That one word carries so much negativity and judgement and makes me uncomfortable every time I hear it.
123 Gareth January 12, 2012 at 7:17 am: Genius.
Gareth recently posted..Are the words "I have a cunning plan" marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this blog?
124 Danny Zawacki January 12, 2012 at 7:36 am: I’m guessing that that jar of Ukrainian kopecks is worth little more than a couple of USD. I would know, I have a bag full of kopecks next to me and a wallet full of hryvna.
Danny Zawacki recently posted..Dodgeball
125 Sarah January 12, 2012 at 7:43 am: I have post its and extra fish bowls. And it’s a snow day here. My husband’s going to have a surprise when he gets home!
Sarah recently posted..World of Difference
126 Izzy the Troll January 12, 2012 at 7:48 am: You had me at “Basketti”!
Izzy the Troll recently posted..Xena warrior armband of woven neckties
127 a Book for My Daughter January 12, 2012 at 8:05 am: I know you must hear this all the time—but you are brilliant. Seriously.
a Book for My Daughter recently posted..Chore Wars: How I Got My Kids to Clean the House
128 Patricia Eimer January 12, 2012 at 8:12 am: Just spit coffee on the screen
129 Suniverse January 12, 2012 at 8:19 am: I would win at swear jars, because I swear all the fucking time.

Or is that not how that works?
Suniverse recently posted..One day at a time is not just a tv show. Or an AA slogan.
130 Kathleen January 12, 2012 at 8:22 am: Darn it. Now I want a watermelon sangwich.
Kathleen recently posted..Mooning Again
131 carolyn January 12, 2012 at 8:26 am: You need to start hoarding jars. And keep every single one of them under lock and key. Because then Victor would be right. YOU WIN.
carolyn recently posted..I Have No Idea What To Title This As. Just Read It. Then Make Suggestions. Thx.
132 moooooog35 January 12, 2012 at 8:27 am: One more jar:

IT’S “YOU’RE” NOT “YOUR.”
moooooog35 recently posted..My take on the 2012 Republicans. Because if you can’t make an informed decision, then you’re just like me.
133 Brattus Rattus January 12, 2012 at 8:27 am: TOO FRIGGIN FUNNY! If I had thought about having a jar with the word “WHATEVER” when I was dating my (now) ex-boyfriend, I’d be a millionaire.
134 moooooog35 January 12, 2012 at 8:28 am: I was just looking at my last comment and realized that the more I look at the word ‘your’ the more it looks weird. Also, why isn’t ‘your’ pronounced like ‘sour?’ Just one letter different. Although, I can then see how people would be texting me stuff like, ‘yower sexy’ and I’d be all, like, “it’s YOUR..wait..no..IT’S YOU’RE” and now all I’ve done is confused society.

*puts money in the WTF jar
moooooog35 recently posted..My take on the 2012 Republicans. Because if you can’t make an informed decision, then you’re just like me.
135 Kelli January 12, 2012 at 8:31 am: I’m so stealing this idea and creating jars for my husband. It will save me a lot of time and energy repeating, “What the hell did you just say to me?!” and “Why do you continue to pronounce it that way?!” I’ll be shopping for more shoes sooner than later. And much more frequently.
Kelli recently posted..10 Random Lessons Learned in 2011
136 Emily Suess January 12, 2012 at 8:46 am: LOL. Moist makes me think of the series Dead Like Me. If I were making jars for work, I’d demand a quarter every time someone said “innovative” or “state-of-the-art.”
Emily Suess recently posted..Writing Contest Prize Donations
137 mousebert January 12, 2012 at 8:56 am: Watermelon sangwich sounds moist!

What is it with “moist”? First time I heard anyone had a problem with moist was on the first episode of “Dead Like ME.”

And how much do you have to put in to give you a pass for the month, like a bus pass where you can ride all month as much as you want?
138 Shauna January 12, 2012 at 8:56 am: Yes! This is an awesome idea. Made me think of the “Douchebag jar” on New Girl. Hilarious! And I’m pretty sure my guys friends would fill that one in up 3.2 seconds.
139 alaina January 12, 2012 at 9:03 am: I need a jar for my husband that says “For Biting the Dogs”. I have to tell him to stop doing that way too often.
alaina recently posted..Cotton Pony.
140 John B January 12, 2012 at 9:05 am: Why are women so put off by the word moist? I mean if I make a cake, I definitely want it moist.
John B recently posted..YOU’RE STILL NOT DOING IT RIGHT.
141 Andrea January 12, 2012 at 9:07 am: I love this..made me laugh so hard…you know I’d be a f-n millionaire if I had a jar labeled.
“Have you seen my __________”
I spend half of my life looking for shit that he didn’t put away.

xo
Andrea recently posted..Poop-icide Attempt: Also Known as the 14 day Activia Challenge
142 Karen Sanders January 12, 2012 at 9:09 am: Which one does he hate most? I think I’ll make one for every
time my husband mentions pot.
Karen Sanders recently posted..Music Lovers Listen Up!!!
143 Andrea January 12, 2012 at 9:09 am: as always, I’m impressed, entertained and lmao!
144 Chuck Baudelaire January 12, 2012 at 9:11 am: Stealing this. Going to make one for my Beloved Spouse that says “Calm Down.” Only it will be very large and heavy so I can hit him over the head with it when he says that.
Chuck Baudelaire recently posted..Rick Perry Is a True One-Percenter
145 Eggton January 12, 2012 at 9:11 am: I love that there are British pounds in these jars. You might want to talk to Victor about that. On the one hand–super classy. On the other hand, he best pay the fees for converting it to dollars for when it comes time to spend it all on disposable nipple covers.
Eggton recently posted..Kanye West’s Apple Butter Idea Cake
146 Celeste January 12, 2012 at 9:14 am: I want to know what font you used to make the labels!!! MUST HAVE!
147 Steve Nyhuis January 12, 2012 at 9:15 am: Joke is on you… Looks like he was paying you in Pesos or some other kind of worthless foreign currency…
148 Kelly O'Sullivan January 12, 2012 at 9:15 am: I think the jars should be full of candy and we get a piece when we win! (so, like always ) But perhaps I am making a moot and potentially moist point.
Kelly O’Sullivan recently posted..If You’re Looking for a Gold Star Because You Used Real Women in Your Magazine You’ve Come to the Wrong Place
149 Sherry Carr-Smith January 12, 2012 at 9:15 am: You are amazing.
150 lisahgolden January 12, 2012 at 9:17 am: Hilarious! And it’s a much more lucrative idea than plugging my ears and going lalalalalala every time my husband tries to explain a Calculus concept to me.
lisahgolden recently posted..We will fight for the cream and crimson
151 Tara January 12, 2012 at 9:17 am: How about one for people who use marketing-speak as real words? Or one for people who use “nother,” as in, “that’s a whole nother thing.” Can we make a Facebook version for people who don’t use punctuation?
Tara recently posted..The Black Hole
152 Allison January 12, 2012 at 9:21 am: OMG. I love you for having the “shouldn’t of” one. I hate it when people say/write that. It makes about as much sense as a crackwhore vampire sucking the blood out of a chicken-sized dinosaur.
Allison recently posted..A Gold Mine of Terrible Covers – and Some Good Ones
153 Nancy January 12, 2012 at 9:21 am: I’m gonna demand that these jars be filled up with Legos.

WHAT?! THEY’RE ALL OVER THE HOUSE!
Nancy recently posted..U Don’t Get Me
154 Kelly January 12, 2012 at 9:22 am: I totally need to make a jar for my husband that says “WHERE WAS YOUR MOTHER!). This is for whenever the munchkins are naughty and I apparently am suppose to watch them ever second of the day. I would also like to make a DICKWEED jar
155 Siggi January 12, 2012 at 9:24 am: *I* especially love the Jar of Stunned Silence. My husband (who is apparently Vicktor’s long lost twin) especially loves the jars Vicktor wants you to fill with your cocaine profits.

Also? Husband still thought this was funny even though I had to explain it to him. Q. is NOT E.D.!

Brava!
156 Teresa Owen January 12, 2012 at 9:28 am: Sadly, I actually need swear jars for swearing, my husband hates it!
Teresa Owen recently posted..Y the Interwebz R Hvnly n Nspiring
157 wendy January 12, 2012 at 9:29 am: I spewed coffee out my nose. Good job.
wendy recently posted..How to Write Your Stupid Book: Tip 5 – A Rose by Any Other Name Still Stinks
158 gina January 12, 2012 at 9:30 am: holy tears of laughter Bloggess
159 gina January 12, 2012 at 9:32 am: i’m going to demand my jars be filled with dark chocolate truffles. probably not going to get very far with that, considering the only “people” that live at my house are a six year old and a basset hound.
160 Kristi January 12, 2012 at 9:32 am: I’m from Cali, met my husband in Washington 8 years ago (married 7)…and I cannot for the life of me understand some of *his* weird words/phrases. Seriously, the word parched is pronounced “PARched, not “PORched.” And in California, when something is spelled c-o-u-c-h we pronounce it “COWch,” not “COOch” (there is a Couch St downtown, and everyone here seems to think that COOCH is how it’s pronounced. I won’t do it.) The list goes on; I’m going to have to get me some jars…;)
Kristi recently posted..NO SLEEP TILL…
161 tracey just another mom January 12, 2012 at 9:32 am: Our jars would say “Oh. It bothers you when I play the guitar as we’re trying to walk out the door?”

and

“Do I have any clean socks?”

and

“What do you mean, you didn’t wash my socks?”

and

“You’re home all day! Can’t you see that I need socks?”

and

“Fine, fine. I’ll wash my own socks.”
tracey just another mom recently posted..Once you get past the smell, it’s not THAT bad…
162 Erin January 12, 2012 at 9:35 am: I would collect the most money for the phrase “Mom! You’re only allowed one bad word a day. You can’t say that” word. for. word. Of course the phrase “That’s fanfuckingtastic” would also gain some major cash donation to the swear jar. It wouldn’t ever be hungry and I would be able to afford a 5 star vaca in less than a week.
163 JM January 12, 2012 at 9:35 am: I’m making these for my house and using the money to pay for therapy.
164 Charity January 12, 2012 at 9:35 am: “I shouldn’t have to put money in the jar for asking that.”

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Charity recently posted..Texts with my teenage daughter
165 Charity January 12, 2012 at 9:35 am: And also, “My computer’s broken.”

Sounds like my house…
Charity recently posted..Texts with my teenage daughter
166 Katie January 12, 2012 at 9:44 am: Oh my god, I’m totally making one for my boyfriend that says “Guesstimate.”

And one for work that says “Katie, the Xerox machine/computer/fax machine is speaking in tongues again.”
167 Roz January 12, 2012 at 9:46 am: I am so doing this!
168 Roz January 12, 2012 at 9:46 am: I am so doing this!
169 Manda January 12, 2012 at 9:47 am: That’s hilarious! But what kind of currency is in those money jars?

There needs to be a “moist” jar everywhere. Hate that word.
Manda recently posted..January & Muz Love: Ancestry
170 Jenna January 12, 2012 at 9:50 am: I showed this to my brother who I live with and he said he’s totally making jar that I have to put money in whenever I sing, I object to that on the basis that I don’t make enough money to last 3 days in that regime
171 Wench January 12, 2012 at 9:50 am: I want a jar that says “Complaint & Affi-David” for work. MY GOD that makes me furious.
172 Melinda January 12, 2012 at 9:52 am: Ha ha I don’t want one that says “Stop messing around and hurry” which I say no less than 100 times a day. I would calculate the cost per day but I’m too tired. The bottom of the post … Just too funny.
Melinda recently posted..Avoid Ghostly Surprises By Calling Ahead
173 RockabillyBebe January 12, 2012 at 9:59 am: Boy, moist really IS a hated word!! And not just by me!
174 Stephanie January 12, 2012 at 10:04 am: I think I’ll make a few myself, including, “That’s the rate-limiting step,” “I don’t know WHY, Steph!” and “Looks like somebody dropped the stink!” I’ll be rich in a few weeks.
Stephanie recently posted..Eenie Meenie Miney Mo
175 asilto January 12, 2012 at 10:05 am: OMG, the words Moist and Panties should be banned from the English language! I cringe every time I hear them!!
176 Janice January 12, 2012 at 10:06 am: Hahahaha, this made my day. I needed a smile.
Janice recently posted..Hippo gets a visitor
177 nicole January 12, 2012 at 10:08 am: ha! my sister’s in HR. sending this to her with the tagline of, “see, there really is life after HR.” hope you make lots of dough! x
nicole recently posted..chicken soup, a food design by the sick exbulimic
178 Aging Gal January 12, 2012 at 10:09 am: Check out some good news on my blog: Why Women NEED Fat (yes, my favorite F-word!).
Aging Gal recently posted..Why Women Need Fat
179 The Happy Homeowner January 12, 2012 at 10:12 am: Damn I laughed for quite some time after reading this; fantastic!!!
180 Joe Wilson January 12, 2012 at 10:13 am: Your a bad influence! Now my wife is threatening to put jars like this around the house?!?! (sigh)
Thanks

hehe

Joe
Joe Wilson recently posted..How to Configure HSRP on a Cisco Router
181 Redneck Hillbillies January 12, 2012 at 10:18 am: Oh I sooo need about a dozen of these jars. My mom would fill one easily with her “24 sevens”, my daughter with her offkey, off time whistling, humming or mumbled singing. Hubby’s the biggest offender with his bellowed “GINCH!” when I haven’t brought up the clean laundry. Any bad impressions of Ace Ventura’s “I aaaaaaaaasssssked you a question” and no one can say “wrecked them” because he hears it as “rectum”. I think he has ass issues.
Redneck Hillbillies recently posted..NOT a Girly Girl
182 Kristin January 12, 2012 at 10:19 am: I need one of those jars for myself: “For F*ck’s Sake” is my mantra some days. My husband could use one for facial expressions: “That exasperated look you get when you’re trying to bite your tongue but I can read what you want to see in your eyes and now I’m being bitchy to you because I know what you wanted to say but didn’t.”
Kristin recently posted..Glad I Saw It: Rusty Knight
183 Naomi January 12, 2012 at 10:22 am: I’m putting a jar in the refrigerator in front of the milk carton that says, “Where’s the F@&#ing milk?”
Naomi recently posted..Oh my aching back!
184 L-Kat January 12, 2012 at 10:23 am: EW! The word “turgid” creeps me out. Victor really uses that word? “Jesus fuck” is one of my current favorites – a combo of “What the fuck?” and “Oh God.” And maybe even “What the hell?” because Jesus lives in heaven, which is opposite of hell. Does this make any sense?
L-Kat recently posted..A big f-you, welcome back from my neighbors
185 Craig Norton January 12, 2012 at 10:28 am: Oh … “fustrated” … My LEAST favourite word EVER. I also have issues with “Febuary” and “Dwawer” (instead of “drawer”).
Craig Norton recently posted..Movember Spawned A Monster
186 Lisa F. January 12, 2012 at 10:28 am: Hi Jenny, have you watched the pilot of New Girl? Better than the rest of the episodes. They have a “douchebag jar,” in which the guys have to put money every time one of them acts like a douchebag. It makes me want to have my next guy be a douchebag just so I can have the jar! Also so I can say the word douchebag a lot.
187 Josie January 12, 2012 at 10:34 am: I especially like the implication that Victor is foreign (coins).

More amazingness from Jenny.

For my husband: Wait, THAT’s what you’re wearing?
Josie recently posted..sEXCESS!
188 kcchristoph January 12, 2012 at 10:37 am: I’m sure my wife would add a Bring / Take jar for every time I correct someone in the house for using them incorrectly. It’s really NOT THAT HARD people!

http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/bring-versus-take.aspx
189 Kat January 12, 2012 at 10:41 am: Do you think there’s a limit to how many jars we can have?
Kat recently posted..A potions master lives here
190 Rebeccah January 12, 2012 at 10:48 am: I have absolutely nothing to say because my brain is still in convulsions of laughter. Oh, and don’t even get me started on “irregardless”.
Rebeccah recently posted..Sneeze Free Potpourri
191 Gwen January 12, 2012 at 10:52 am: Fucking brilliant! How about, “I swear I wasn’t checking her out!”
Gwen recently posted..The Suicidal Foot Massage
192 David Galiel January 12, 2012 at 10:56 am: It’s one way to make a living.
193 CrazyMomTats! January 12, 2012 at 11:04 am: The question is – are you a good witch or a bad witch?
194 Jayme January 12, 2012 at 11:06 am: Can we have one for “What’s for Dinner?”. I’ve come to HATE that question.
195 Anne January 12, 2012 at 11:06 am: I haven’t even read this (yet), but I saw this http://dlewis.net/nik-archives/seeing-red-in-the-hen-house/ and thought that you might appreciate it.
196 Regina530 January 12, 2012 at 11:08 am: Is it weird that I chuckle every time someone comments about being the first “comment” , and then the page refreshes and they’re not? Wish I had a dollar in a jar every time I saw THAT on TheBloggess!
197 Victoria Mixon January 12, 2012 at 11:12 am: This completely threw me because I misread your first sentence as “swear jags,” and was thinking, ‘They sat around swearing at each other to get it out of their systems? How brilliant is that? But no, what if it just made them more casual about swearing? Maybe that’s why she doesn’t work in HR anymore. . .’
Victoria Mixon recently posted..10 Ways Writing Fiction is Like Performing for a Camera
198 B. Manatee January 12, 2012 at 11:15 am: My deep and abiding love for you is starting to get embarrassing.
I’m off to buy some jars.
B. Manatee recently posted..Blessings
199 Wombat Central January 12, 2012 at 11:27 am: Brilliant as always, Jenny. I’mma make a couple, too: Shoulda did that/Shoulda went there and My Bad. I’m also going to heave the full jar at any adult who messes up there/their/they’re, or your/you’re. Too far?
Wombat Central recently posted..Writer’s Workshop: A Morning Poem
200 Cyn January 12, 2012 at 11:34 am: 1. I want a jar for everyone who sent me a Christmas card from the “Smith’s” or the “Moore’s.” There is no beeping apostrophe and everyone does it.
2. I could make a million for my husband. Like every time he says “Tonight is my night, bro.”
3. Do you live in Mexico in the 1980s because I think your jars are full of Pesos.
201 Stoic January 12, 2012 at 11:39 am: Oh, you said witch. Sorry.
202 Katie January 12, 2012 at 11:40 am: Finally, someone else has a husband who says “flustrated.” How can I stay mad at him during a fight when he breaks down and says, unknowingly, “I’m just really flustrated right now.”
Katie recently posted..How to make your husband think you’re a witch
203 L-Diggitty January 12, 2012 at 11:49 am: My husband would just have one, giant jar with “Video Games” on it. I’d make a got-dam fortune, I tell you.
L-Diggitty recently posted..honeymooned, part 3
204 Heather @ That Uncomfortable Itch January 12, 2012 at 11:57 am: There needs to be a set of jars exclusively for hormonal, teenage girls. It would be based on their wide variety of sighs which can wordlessly express everything from “My mom is so obviously a bitch” to “Why are you all breathing my space?” to “Yes, you are a dumbshit. Get the fuck out of my way”.
Heather @ That Uncomfortable Itch recently posted..Synching it with the Universe
205 Rhonda H. January 12, 2012 at 12:17 pm: LOL – These are completely awesome. Maybe this should teach him not to even bother opening his mouth at times. o.0 I think “It’s a legitimate question” has got to be my favorite, right next to “You win.”
206 Caitlin January 12, 2012 at 12:18 pm: I need some jars…
Caitlin recently posted..my son dressed me today
207 Julie the Wife January 12, 2012 at 12:32 pm: I’m going to make jars of money on my desk at work and hand out coins to any person who SAYS “douche-nozzle” and “hell biscuits”. Anyone who says “that sucks balls” gets paper money, so I guess I’ll need a shoebox for that.
Julie the Wife recently posted..Orange You Glad Your Walls Are White?
208 Stacy January 12, 2012 at 12:33 pm: You have always rocked. I have a new-found respect for Victor.
209 Nadia January 12, 2012 at 12:36 pm: you should only have to put money in the jar for moot when someone pronounces it “mute.”

also glad to see there are fellow ukies out there! i spotted that tryzub right away, too.
210 angelica January 12, 2012 at 12:43 pm: like I needed a bunch of photoshopped fish bowls for my hubs to think that. How do I know? cause I AM a witch.

PS just bought your book and it says it’s coming in april… I guess a turtle is bringing it over.
angelica recently posted..savour every first sip….
211 Jenna@CallHerHappy January 12, 2012 at 12:53 pm: bahahaha! My husband would make one that says, “Can you do me a huge favor?”

Jenna
callherhappy.com
Jenna@CallHerHappy recently posted..January Giveaway: Agape Jewelry
212 kim January 12, 2012 at 12:56 pm: I need a jar for all the idiots who say “i’m not gonna lie [insert lie]” — basically you’re just notifying everyone that you’re about to lie, probably.
kim recently posted..Hello Grief? Meet Depression. Happy Monday.
213 fish January 12, 2012 at 12:59 pm: I don’t think that is real money in those jars.
fish recently posted..We are displeased
214 Dana the Biped January 12, 2012 at 1:07 pm: Oooh! I’m going to make one that reads, “Grunt.” So whenever my boyfriend descends into Neanderthalian levels of barbarianism from watching seventy-three consecutive hours of football, well, at least I’ll make a killing, instead of performing one.
Dana the Biped recently posted..Hops in the Right Direction: All Work and No Play… Not Here!
215 Chrissy January 12, 2012 at 1:22 pm: I don’t know why I am shocked that my husband says all of these things. I would be rich. I’m going to make some of these jars.
Chrissy recently posted..Top Five Books @ 4 Months
216 If I were god.... January 12, 2012 at 1:30 pm: And how many poor goldfish are now HOMELESS because you took their bowls?
Slumlord
217 Jason (The Queer Next Door) January 12, 2012 at 1:38 pm: I used this exact concept back in the 80s when I was dating a guy who insisted on calling me “Daddy.” I got a quarter for each grating address.

When I had enough money to purchase “Music from the Edge of Heaven” by Wham!, I kicked him to the curb.
Jason (The Queer Next Door) recently posted..Marking Up My Body
218 hoosiermama January 12, 2012 at 1:48 pm: I think you should add “spore” to the list. Foul foul word.
219 Formerly known as @Sweets75 January 12, 2012 at 2:00 pm: You forgot the ever popular “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Jar. Also “That’s not even a real word.” He tells you that a lot. Then you make it a word so he loses anyway. You two are Perfect Love personified.
220 Jen January 12, 2012 at 2:01 pm: Please add giant jar: “At the end of the day…”
221 Yfke January 12, 2012 at 2:05 pm: Bwahahaha awesome!
222 flobits January 12, 2012 at 2:16 pm: “This is true, believe me”
flobits recently posted..Beer To Our Heart’s Content
223 Ashley January 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm: GAH! I’m so making a jar for my neighbour that says “whipper snippering your lawn before 7am in the morning on a Friday” BECAUSE THAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW AS I TYPE THIS!
224 Jeanie TTF January 12, 2012 at 2:22 pm: I really like the “Douchebag Jar” on “The New Girl.”
It’s not a money jar, but our local hardware store had a jar behind the counter that said “Ashes of Problem Customers.” It was effective in deterring arguments, plus it was a great conversation starter. *g*
Jeanie TTF recently posted..Gandalf The Grey, But Not So Wise
225 "Susan Says..." January 12, 2012 at 2:42 pm: Double fee for saying “flustrated” and “shouldn’t of.” Triple maybe.
“Susan Says…” recently posted..Mr. Fluffy Pants Pays a Visit
226 Scottsdale Girl January 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm: My bf is HORRIBLE at texting. He types “kwel” ALL THE FUCKING TIME, and I know he means “KEWL” but that makes my eye twitch even harder. SO you know which thing my jar for him would say.

That and “don’t hate me because your beautiful, baby”… Honestly, *STAB*
227 Kaessa January 12, 2012 at 3:09 pm: I need one for my husband that says, “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard/seen”
228 in bed with married women January 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm: “It is what it is”
“LOL”
“We are calling Jill Hamilton to discuss an important business matter. If you are not Jill Hamilton, please hang up. We are a debt collection company.”
in bed with married women recently posted..The Little Penis Inside You. Not what you think.
229 Bradley January 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm: OMG…loved it. My ex used to say flustrated, Philadelthia, and helicokter. and people wonder why he’s my ex. Well, those reasons and about a bzillion others.
230 Lotta January 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm: I hate “Have you taken your meds today?”
231 Melissa January 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm: My husband needs several of these, starting with, “Did you see this?” He elaborates no further. And he’s in another room.
232 Holly Waterfall January 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm: Love this and LOVE you! I need one for people who leave out the “to be” part of their sentences. As in, “Your hands need washed.” NOOOOOOO! It’s either “Your hands need TO BE washed” or “Your hands need WASHING”-pick one you’d like to use and learn proper English after that!
233 Emily Guy Birken January 12, 2012 at 3:29 pm: Let’s add a jar for “Have you seen my…” when said item is within a 2 foot radius of the speaker. (I’m looking at you, hubs!)
Emily Guy Birken recently posted..Cattywampus
234 Rachel Baron January 12, 2012 at 3:34 pm: I’m totally going to steal this idea and make one for people who use the word “supposably”. Make me want to smack people, but I’ll settle for a quarter instead.
Rachel Baron recently posted..Best use of a new camera…EVER!
235 Elisa January 12, 2012 at 3:38 pm: My jar would be:
“Let’s have another junk food night. Girls only.”

My husband’s:
“Stop having junk food nights. With or without your girlfriends.”

Easy money.
Elisa recently posted..COSE DA NON FARE
236 Jill January 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm: “Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” That phrase guarantees him several hours of silence.
237 Janice Brophy January 12, 2012 at 3:54 pm: I’m with you. “Moist” has been on my most hated word list as long as I can remember. I even found it hard to type it here because I was forced to think about it. Gross!
238 Abby January 12, 2012 at 4:06 pm: Love this idea! I need a swear jar for the new puppy. It may help curb the whining.
Abby recently posted..Easily ENTertained
239 Colin January 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm: This would work better with real American money. Then you could buy more than one xanax or meth prescription.
240 Lori Beth January 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm: Love it!
241 Cynthia January 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm: Exactly where does Victor live? ‘Cause that is not American money in those jars!
242 Lorca Damon January 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm: Jar for my hubby: “When’s your birthday again?”
Lorca Damon recently posted..I Missed Out on the Chance to Rock the Side Ponytail Look
243 julie January 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm: I would love to suggest this phrase to my mother to use for my father for family get-togethers. Swear, if those money jars are full, I’m alternatively braining him with “turn the pizza around”, and “Tastes like chicken!”
244 Ally Bean January 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm: I’m inspired to make my own jars. I wonder how much money I could make with them? And whether or not I could provoke my hubby to say some of the words more frequently so that I’d get rich faster! Delightful idea.
Ally Bean recently posted..When A Presbyterian Decorates Her Coffee Table
245 Amanda Perry January 12, 2012 at 4:54 pm: Perhaps you can add MUCUS,” “PLUG,” and “SUCCULENT, jars too. Great post- thank you
for the laugh.
246 Melissa B January 12, 2012 at 4:56 pm: A couple hated words of mine:
- “Liberry”…It is a fucking library, you dumbass. Go get a dictionary and shut the fuck up.
- “Birfday”…Seriously? Are you shitting me right now?

I also dislike “moist” and “phlegm”. Ew.
247 Melissa B January 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm: Oh! I also dislike people who say Chicargo instead of Chicago, and Illinois (pronouncing the “s”).
248 Oreo January 12, 2012 at 5:12 pm: Does he really say “shouldn’t of?” It drives me crazy when I see people type that instead of “shouldn’t've” or “shouldn’t have.”
Oreo recently posted..Miles to Go?
249 ms. procrastination January 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm: That last paragraph made me spit hot chocolate all over myself .
250 Mary January 12, 2012 at 5:33 pm: Wow, I could make money from all the dumb things my husband says! This is brilliant and certainly going to be my new source of wine income!
By the way, I don’t understand how anything works either.
Mary recently posted..Castle Rock Pinot Noir 2009
251 D2theMcV January 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm: Any self-respecting man should know it’s pronounced “sammich.”
252 Melanie January 12, 2012 at 5:35 pm: Love this! Pinned it!
253 Melody | Deliberate Receiving January 12, 2012 at 5:39 pm: Ok, am I the only one that thinks you could reverse this for positive reinforcement?
Fill it with treats and every time he says “You are so beautiful”, or “No, no, I’ll take the trash out”, or “I’ve made us dinner reservations” or “You’re too tied. I’ll finish on my own…”, you can chuck him one. Extra points if he catches it in his mouth.
Melody | Deliberate Receiving recently posted..Dear LOA: Can You Just Bring Me A Man, Or Do I Have To Go Out And Find Him?
254 Simone January 12, 2012 at 5:54 pm: Can we also add: “I AM listening to you”
Simone recently posted..There might definitely be something wrong with me
255 Gabby January 12, 2012 at 5:57 pm: OMG…I totally had to look up the word “turgid” this morning when reading “The Sociological Imagination.” I thought it was just one of those asshole words only sociologists use. Definitely sounds vulgar.
256 Kevin January 12, 2012 at 6:01 pm: I love these posts. You and Victor are the best commedy duo ever!
Kevin recently posted..What’s the Opposite of Clinical Depression?
257 Valerie January 12, 2012 at 6:19 pm: Oh Jenny, you are the ginchiest.
258 carol anne January 12, 2012 at 6:19 pm: And slacks, we need a money jar for when someone says the world slacks.
carol anne recently posted..Time Passes … Beauty Remains
259 Kate January 12, 2012 at 6:31 pm: Words; “phlegm” and “cunt”

Money jar at work; “I know you’re at lunch.. But”
260 Justin January 12, 2012 at 7:07 pm: How do you know if he said “should of” or “should’ve”?
261 Tom January 12, 2012 at 7:10 pm: If my wife had a “Rolled his eyes” jar, she’d be rich.
Tom recently posted..A Golden Hour with Agung Rai
262 Carrie January 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm: If ol’Victor was smart, he’d just keep the trap closed and continually patronize the “You Win” jar.

Plus. He’d be richer, too.
Carrie recently posted..A little phlegm can completely turn me into a woman I don’t really know.
263 Judy January 12, 2012 at 7:47 pm: His jar: “Have you seen my…”
My jars: “Where did you have it last?” & “I put it where it belongs.”
264 Annadanna (from Canada) January 12, 2012 at 8:15 pm: You are a genius and I love you. This makes me laugh, which I like.

However, I can’t figure out why all those jars have money in them because I don’t think Victor would pay that much. It’s a legitimate question.

Also, I would like to start a jar for all the times people say “irregardless” or “reckonize” or “I prefer Wordperfect”.
Annadanna (from Canada) recently posted..Maybe don’t assume strangers are crazy. Maybe.
265 Susan D. January 12, 2012 at 8:16 pm: My jars would have to include:
“could care less” (duh, then you must care. dang it, it’s COULDN’T care less, you dumbass)
“going to try AND…..” (dammit, it’s not two separate thoughts……you are going to try TO….., not try and!)
and last but not least:
“Obliverate” (obliterate, dammit, obliTerate!!!)

Oh, and any politician or news person who says “nucular” instead of nuclear should be fired, hung AND horsewhipped.
One of the funniest SNL skits I EVER saw was one of Barbara Bush trying to teach George W. how to pronounce “nuclear.” Or maybe it was Mad TV. Either way, it was priceless!

Ahhh. I feel better now.
266 @KristenTheMom January 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm: Oh my goodness! This is hilarious! You could make a lot of money off of him.
@KristenTheMom recently posted..Sometimes you just need to laugh
267 Meg@Domesticated-ish January 12, 2012 at 8:21 pm: I would like to make a money jar for anyone making mouth noises. Great idea, I might give it a go.
Meg@Domesticated-ish recently posted..Thankful Thursday
268 Susan D. January 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm: Okay I just read through like, 257 comments and I am like, SHOCKED that like, nobody and I mean, like, nobody has like, mentioned like, people who can’t like, get through an entire like, sentence without like, saying “like.”

I could have paid for my daughter’s college tuition with that one just from all the cheerleaders in my home during her teen years.
269 Naked Girl in a Dress January 12, 2012 at 9:06 pm: I love the jar idea! I want to have a collection for all the people in my life who drive me crazy, I mean my loved ones.
Naked Girl in a Dress recently posted..But I Love Him Anyway
270 Melodie January 12, 2012 at 9:11 pm: did you ever see the show “Dead Like Me”? The mom, Joy, absolutely hated the word “moist” said it sounded “dirty” LOL

moist, moist, moist, moist
Melodie recently posted..Pouncer
271 Franny January 12, 2012 at 9:19 pm: Not many people say this, but still, just in case, I want something when I have to hear, “tender,” or “precious.” Also, “soul mate” or “we really connected.” Or when you answer, “absolutely,” to anything, ever. Even if someone asks if you love The Bloggess. Then we say, “hell yes!” or we ask something about bears in return. Just no “absolutely,” even if that is the answer, which of course, it IS the answer to if we less-than-three you. “Absolutely” is just way over-used by people who are way too sure of themselves.
Franny recently posted..Mammogram, Pomegranates, and Cry-for-’em Caramels
272 Cathy January 12, 2012 at 9:34 pm: Turgid is a great word. As is tumescent and throbbing. And member.
Cathy recently posted..Celebrate ALL The Birthdays!
273 Megan January 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm: I need EVERY ONE OF THESE JARS! Though I think they would drive my bf insane…which is just another reason to make them
274 Tari January 12, 2012 at 9:54 pm: My husband is an exceedingly silent man, so I want to make jars for the things I KNOW he is thinking but he never says. He, of course, finds this very unfair. I don’t think I care, because it would be so much fun to have jars that said things like:

“You’re nuts”
“I’m not listening to you”
“When will you understand that TV = wife stops talking?”
“Did you really have to stop seeing your shrink?”
“How much medication have you had today?”
“On what planet do people talk this much?”
“Why is this so important?”

And so many more! Fun, fun, fun!
Tari recently posted..Slow-Roasted Duck
275 Sheriji January 12, 2012 at 9:58 pm: I’m laughing so hard my husband left the room.
Buzzkill. Now I can’t read the jars to him.
Sheriji recently posted..missed it by that much
276 Joy Ribisi January 12, 2012 at 10:06 pm: I’m glad you feel the same way about the word “panties” and I have a few more to add to the list:
Historical (so annoying for some reason)
Anyways

…well, the thought of making this list is now making me really annoyed. You catch my drift.
Joy Ribisi recently posted..The Look is Posted!
277 Stasha January 12, 2012 at 10:57 pm: I need a jar for actions. . .

Like when a person “likes” their own status on facebook.

I need to have a jar for that. . .

Because that annoys me more than words can say.

I also need a jar for my daughter that says “That’s not fair!!!”. . . I hear that at least ONCE a day if not more.
Stasha recently posted..Ten Thought Tuesday
278 the diva January 12, 2012 at 11:02 pm: I read the whole list of comments, and I can’t believe no one suggested the word “random.” I am sooooo sick of hearing this word out of my tween!!
279 Meredith January 12, 2012 at 11:13 pm: I follow you like a mother. Never commented before.

I’m in HR. This post holds a special place in my heart. I quit swearing for 2012. I have a jar on my desk. Now I want to label it. I think I will use this phrase “Shit you mom wouldn’t want you to say, ya douche.”

Thank you 1million times for being so awesome. You entertain me daily. My computer is always broken. I think I’ll reserve the jar for IT.

*fist pump*
280 bschooled January 12, 2012 at 11:31 pm: These jars are a testament to how much you truly love your husband. I once ended a relationship because the guy wouldn’t stop pronouncing “everything” as “everthing.” Also, it didn’t help that he was addicted to Japanese anime porn.

Moist, Turgid panties should be the name of Courtney Stodden’s reality show.
bschooled recently posted..This might be why I don’t have any German friends.
281 Beth Font January 13, 2012 at 12:07 am: I have a toddler & a thirteen year old so I can’t begin to think up jars for them or I’ll be up all night, but I *lurve* yours! Besides, what the hell would a toddler put in the jar, soggy frickin’ goldfish crackers?!?

P.S. Now I’m wondering where that interesting looking money was made. sigh.
282 Silly Mummy January 13, 2012 at 12:19 am: I need a jar for “But we talked about this last night” I say it all the time to my husband cos he forgets lol
Silly Mummy recently posted..A 2012 Project: Making a Family Tree for My Son
283 Franny January 13, 2012 at 12:36 am: I am now wondering, do we call them “underpants?” A friend of mine called them, “unders,” and that is kinda cute. I agree that “panties” is dirty. PLEASE, Bloggess, tell us what you call them. Underwear?
Franny recently posted..Mammogram, Pomegranates, and Cry-for-’em Caramels
284 LisaAnn January 13, 2012 at 2:56 am: we have a swear jar at our house but we cheat and use and automatic counting bank. right now we are currently at $10.52 [we use penny's] and the jar was started on Jan. 1st. we empty it every 1st and buy the kids something with the money
LisaAnn recently posted..Lets Unplug for bit!
285 Julie January 13, 2012 at 4:30 am: Hi Jenny, me again (no I have NOT fucking finished with the archives yet, I’m trying okay? Give me a damn break, shit girl, you never let up).

I actually AM a witch, in real life, but my husband already knew that about me, I was born this way.
Okay, there. I checked in. Now, back at it……….
Julie recently posted..Enterprisingly and Industriously Engaged.
286 Jen January 13, 2012 at 7:42 am: Supposably. Free gift. Very unique. Proven fact.
287 natasha January 13, 2012 at 8:57 am: I want one for husband that says:

are you serious?
i guess…
whatever tash
288 bob January 13, 2012 at 9:12 am: I’m doing this!
289 Beej January 13, 2012 at 9:53 am: See?!?! Another in the “‘P’ Word for Underwear Is Evil” camp! Hooray!
290 RF January 13, 2012 at 11:33 am: If I had done this, I would have been able to pay for my divorce!! (#HappyThoughts4Friday!)

This is just purely amazing. Specifically “Panties” (because that word is stupid), “Shouldn’t of” (because they shouldn’t HAVE been allowed to pass 7th grade), and “You’re acting crazy” (obvious reasoning).
291 Shelly David January 13, 2012 at 12:18 pm: Seriously just made my day.
292 jennielynn January 13, 2012 at 2:11 pm: You are so much nicer than I am. I just punched my husband in the junk every time he called it a “popular” tree. Only in my head, which is why we had kids, but still. I bet punching Victor’s business never occurred to you. Does he know how lucky he is?
293 plaidfox January 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm: See, this is what makes it better. Because now, not only does he have to put his money in the jar, he has to get off his sorry butt, drive to a money exhange office and use foreign coins instead. Deviously brilliant!
294 Errign January 13, 2012 at 6:13 pm: This post is officially my favorite of 2012 thus far.
Errign recently posted..Friday Questions.
295 Elaine- January 13, 2012 at 7:09 pm: oh gosh you’re the only person who can make me laugh out loud… for 10 min straight well SOMETIMES stephen colbert can too …. hysterical post lol
296 Andrea | EC Simplified January 13, 2012 at 11:10 pm: Going to get some markers, jars, paper, and tape right now. Thank you many, many times for the brilliant idea.
Andrea | EC Simplified recently posted..Why Dr. Sears is Wrong About Diaper Rash: Elimination Communication Cures It
297 Holly (a.k.a. adoreprince) January 14, 2012 at 12:30 am: Oh, I’m so doing this. My husband is from the school of “it will always be funny”. My jar will say “it was only funny the first 1000 times you said it.” His jars will be:
“ANOTHER beer?”
“why is YOUR dog barking again?”
“you go girl” (this is not actually annoying if it is when I’m going for another beer)
“I’ll get right on that” – which means the opposite
“baby want sauce?” — that’s an inside joke, though I don’t even remember where it came from. He’s still saying it though.
298 Ally January 14, 2012 at 11:15 am: You used to work in HR?
That opens loads of wonderful worlds of awesome inapropriateness!
And no, I don’t care that this word doesn’t really exist.
Ally recently posted..Dear Santa (IV),
299 Lisa January 15, 2012 at 3:53 pm: What country are you in… THat’s some weird change y’all
Lisa recently posted..A series of text messages between myself and Chris
300 Jenn January 16, 2012 at 9:38 am: This reminds me of “Shit Girls Say” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-yLGIH7W9Y
Jenn recently posted..With a Little Help From My Friends
301 Anonymous January 16, 2012 at 2:05 pm: Shortly after the “I want a divorce” jar shows up but instead of coins it takes wedding rings and pieces of shattered dreams and promises.
recently posted..I’m sort of freaking out right now.
302 Anna January 17, 2012 at 1:22 am: Ahmagee! If Victor’s filling those jars with Hryvni and kopeks, it’ll be YONKS before you can get a metal hen for Beyonce!!
303 trinity67 January 17, 2012 at 4:25 pm: Where’dja get alla dem Ukrainian coins from?
trinity67 recently posted..developments…
304 Jentex18 January 17, 2012 at 4:25 pm: Shit that the Bloggess Says…I can see it now on You Tube!
305 Jentex18 January 17, 2012 at 4:26 pm: SH*! that the Bloggess Says…I can see it now on You Tube!
306 MsMorphosis January 17, 2012 at 6:46 pm: I LOLed. I would make my boyfriend jars relating to “I will not wake up stop shaking me I hate you I don’t care about my job.” It could work.
MsMorphosis recently posted..Do Men Need to Cheat to Stay in Love?
307 Kathleen January 17, 2012 at 7:31 pm: Supposably. Over exaggerated. Idear.
308 Erin January 18, 2012 at 2:50 pm: Watch the New Girl episode from Jan. 17…the douche bag jar…absolutely fantastic.
309 Maysel03 March 29, 2012 at 8:00 am: I am so loving your idea.
Maysel03 recently posted..Good Wedding Ideas

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