UPDATED: Don’t let my hands falling off be in vain.

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened, terrible titles

This isn’t a real post.  It’s just a quick update.

Last week I looked at my list of people who’d signed up for one of the free 5,000 bookplates I’d autographed and I found out that there were actually 6,000 people signed up.  Then I sighed deeply and called my publisher and asked if they could send me another thousand and a wrist brace and then they hesitantly told me that there had been a miscommunication and that the 5,000 bookplates I thought I’d autographed?  Were actually 10,000 bookplates.  Which explains why my right arm withered and fell off when I was done.  But the good news is that my publisher still has a few thousand unclaimed bookplates so if you preorder your book by midnight tonight (March 16) make sure you sign up for the free bookplate.   You can preorder your book and sign up for your bookplate right here.  Also, if you’re preordering an electronic version of the book you can totally have a bookplate.  Just stick it to the back of your reader.

PS. Picador just announced that they’re publishing my book in the UK.  Yeehaw, Britain!

PPS. I haven’t heard if non-US publishers will going to offer bookplates, but I’ll keep you posted.

UPDATED:  Matthew Broderick and his most baffling early birthday present ever:

Better than twine.

 

234 thoughts on “UPDATED: Don’t let my hands falling off be in vain.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Okay, I will beg and plead with my husband to order it tonight! 😀 As a wrist pain sufferer because I’m weird, I hope your wrist recovers from signing all those book plates!! 🙂

  2. I am impressed that you didn’t lose an arm signing all of those! I’ve already preordered mine! Can’t wait to read it!

  5. I think if you don’t inevitably get rid of all of them, you should start just sending them to your favorite celebrities with a note thanking them for the request.

  6. I’ve pre-ordered the book and also my bookplate. I’m patiently awaiting the arrival of both…

  7. But if your hands do fall off, you can get a nice taxidermy squirrel to take their place. It’s amazing how far prosthetics have come, really.

  11. I don’t see why this is a problem. You have backup monkey hands in case such an event should occur.

  12. I remember when I had to sign 10,000 autographs for my book when it came out. And then i woke up and remembered that I do not have a book, I did not sign 10,000 autographs and pretty much nobody knows who I am….Yet!

    Can’t wait for the book!!!

  13. All such great news! Except your hand. RIP, Your Hand.
    Once I’m employed again, yours is the first book I will buy! In the meantime, I’ve just gone to my county’s library site and sent them a message requesting that they purchase your book. Later, tater!

  14. I know Canadians aren’t eligible for the book plate, but we – not the royal we, although that would be fun – aren’t mad at you. It’s the rules we’re mad at. And the angry, anti-Canucks who make them up.
    PS. I’m glad your arm didn’t fall off because that would make it difficult to carry the dolls’ heads you seem to regularly shop for.

  16. I pre-ordered my book, and filled out the form for my book plate earlier in the month. Thank your for your sacrifice in signing all of them! I am happy for you that your book is selling so well. I suppose a sore wrist is a good and bad thing:) You are so talented, and I am happy to support you, and whatever endeavors you go forward with:) Best of luck to you in everything, you truly brighten my days!

  19. The thought of not being able to access one of those 10000 bookplates makes me weep. If anyone can, Jenny, you can make them available in Canada. Get all Picard on their ass and make it so! (even if you do have to beat them with the lifeless corpse of your hand.)

  23. So exciting for you (not the wrist part, that part sucks) but the book part and the fact that at least you now have 4,000 extra signed bookplates instead of signing an extra 1,000. I feel like I always end up doing math when I come here…last time it was a parallelogram:) That must mean I really like you since I really don’t love math! Congrats to you on your book!

  24. I am counting the days until my Nook says I can read it! So excited. I will proudly stick my book plate to my Nook. if you need a good wrist brace, let me know. I can get a good deal on one for you 🙂

  26. I really want to buy your book! …but I’m a rather poor student. I entered another blogger’s giveaway who is handing one out… if I don’t win that I guess I’ll just have to wait to borrow it at the library. 🙂

  27. Argh!!!!! I pre-ordered the book back in December…and I CAN’T remember if I signed up for the bookplate or not!! Jenny, would you please quickly scan your list of nearly 10,000 bookplate recipients and tell me if I’m on it? Okay, I’m kidding about that last part. Guess I’ll just have to keep hopefully checking my mail and stop ordering things when I’ve been drinking wine slushies.

  28. Total bookplate panic…I’ve preordered my book, but used my husband’s Amazon account (thanks, honey!)…then filled out my bookplate form with my name. Tell me I’ll still get my arm removal inducing plate!!!

    You should be cool. ~Jenny

  29. I didn’t want to be a bother but since you’ve already signed them I decided to put in for one. Thanks Jenny, can’t wait until April 17th gets here.

  31. I’ve had my book pre-ordered for a while and absolutely cannot WAIT for both the book and the signed bookplate. Too much goodness! 🙂

  33. I keep hearing about this wonderful book and bookplate deal, and I wonder why I live in fucking Canada? I mean, sure it’s a great place to live and everything, and our crime rates are a lot lower than our American counterparts, but NO FUCKING BOOKPLATES! This is bullshit of the highest order, and I’ll not stand for it. I’m currently looking for sponsors to get me started on my new life in the USA. I figure I can pick up a cheap place in Detroit, and maybe join a local club or something. It’s a great location for me, because I’m close to the border, and there are no jobs there. That’s pretty handy, because I hate working.

    Sorry, did I go off on an alternate course here? What I meant was, I can’t wait to read your book.

  35. I’m a reviewer for Portland Book Review and just found out that I’ll be reviewing your book!! I’m beyond excited but, uhm, will maintain my objectivity when reading and reviewing. Meaning no squealing and jumping up and down when it arrives in the mail. Beyond that I can’t promise anything.

  36. I have to wait until the first of the month to get mine….so no bookplate for me

  37. I totally just pre-ordered the version for my Nook, and YES, my Nook will happily wear a bookplate if I get one!!

  38. Er… I can’t remember if I requested a bookplate when I pre-ordered. If I fill out the form again, will that throw things off?

  42. I seem to sense a theme here, Ms. Bloggess: a lot of your readers seem to be jobless. Myself included. Or maybe it’s only the posters who are unemployed; we have lots of time to post.

    However my main point is that I preordered, bookplate and all, and can’t wait!!!

    Many thanks for all you do, you are a happy place in my life!

  44. Congrats on all your good stuff! Maybe it’s time for some Beyonce-the-Giant-Metal-Chicken-decorated duct tape. It can be used for reattaching limbs or making your own prom dress.

  45. I ordered mine as soon as I was able to. I’ve been chomping at the bit for a few weeks now. You minx, you tease us so, making us wait like this. ;D

  46. Sigh, this is the ONLY reason’s I don’t like living in Canada, well that and our ridiculously long and cold winters. But I am number 6 in line for the book at my library, so hooray for that.

  47. Hurray! At last amazon.co.uk are allowing pre-orders. 🙂

    No indication as to when it’ll arrive though. 🙁

    Pre-ordered, now jut have to wait…

  48. I ordered a book (and a bookplate) a while back to celebrate my new job! I’ve been out of work since November, and sometimes when I’m crying and need a reason to laugh, I read some of your older blogs that are guaranteed to make me laugh so hard I’m crying so the tears don’t seem wasted. :p

    New job starts April 2nd, and I’ll send out good job/interview vibes for everyone who needs ’em – I’ve got extra! <3

  49. i can’t wait for my book and book plate (still not sure what that is). i hope my book plate (whatever that is) was at the top of the pile before your hand withered away.

  51. Waiting for April, waiting for April, waiting for April.

    Is it April, yet? I have been dying to read this ever since I discovered this blog…early last fall….Everything is pre-ordered and I’m impatiently waiting for April. 🙂

  52. If I get a bloody smudge on my bookplate I’ll doubly appreciate that likely both your hands have fallen off and you were attempting to sign with bloody wrist-stumps.

  57. So.. I’m thinking.. with the amount of readers you have who are unemployed (such as myself) would you be inclined to do some sort of contest (the type that doesn’t involve us spending real money to do it) and the winner gets a free copy of your book AND bookplate?? So.. hows about it ms. bloggess?? Pllleeaasseee???

    It sounds like a WONDERFUL idea to me! 🙂

  58. Screw it – I’m sticking it on my Kindle!! I almost cancelled the Kindle order to get the actual book just so I’d have a reason to order a bookplate. 😀

  59. Ok, so I pre-ordered! If your hand falls off you totally need to make a self aware voodoo hand out of it. The voodoo hand could have all kinds of adventures on its on, and could totally sign the rest of the books for you! Genius!

  60. Can. Not. Wait.

    Stick your hands in a hot wax bath…maybe they won’t fall off completely 🙂

    (but it will make them feel better!)

  61. I am *thrilled* that your book will be available in the UK!

    Also (don’t punch me) but what’s a book plate? I feel like I should know but honestly I have no idea, and the image of a dinner plate serving a steaming pile of books is all that comes to mind.

  62. If we signed up, is there any confirmation? I just want to make sure it went through! 🙂

  63. Just ordered and signed up for my book plate! I cannot wait to read this book!!!!!

  64. Jenny, I have just bought you’re book from Amazon U, although there’s no release date yet. Any ideas? I am very excited about reading this, almost as excited as I am when I see you’ve put up a new post.

  65. I just pre-ordered for my kindle- and I signed up for a book plate- I hope there’s some way to get it, but if not, c’est la vie. Congrats on your book (and getting will wheaton to collate for you)!

  68. I had already pre-ordered your book. But reading Anne and Wil Wheaton’s tweets about how funny it is made me furiously happy.

  69. Please let me know if Amazon is offering bookplates for pre-orders in Canada!!!

  70. I’m among the unemployed (and I’m beginning to think unemployable) but there’s enough in savings that I already pre-ordered the book and the book plate.

    For those who are asking, a bookplate is a small piece of paper with glue on the back, and you stick it on one of the blank front pages of a bok. There’s a little design on it, and a space to write a name.

  71. Yes but the UK edition is (a) only in paperback and (b) not out till July. So I’ll import one, because I’m (a) not cheap and (b) impatient.

  72. I am so excited about my bookplate and every time you mention it, I get MORE excited, even though I still have no idea what a bookplate is. Yay bookplate!

  73. I can’t decide if it would make me happier if you had your arm taxidermied and then used it in some tableau of domestic bliss involving Juanita, or if you had it zombified and I could use that to justify my hoarding of toilet paper, vodka and Spam?

  74. I’ve ordered a copy for me and for several of my fellow “bus-stop” moms. I can’t wait for the hysterical conversations we’re going to have while waiting to get the kids off to school and for their afternoon arrival!

  75. Wah, wah,wah, I live in Canada too, and I don’t blame Jenny for snubbing us since our celebrities are snubbing her ( yeah, I’m talking to you William Shatner and Nathan Fillion!! What the what, are you trying to perpetuate the stereotype that Canadians are too cold to be funny? How about trying to perpetuate the one that outside of Disney, we are the friendliest people on Earth! Sheesh!). Anyhoo – I am joking because I happen to know Jenny loves Canada because I sent her a long list as to why she should and obviously she loves random facts from internet stalkers. So I know it is out of her control re: free bookplates to Canada. But question Jenny – hope you read comments – if you signed so many extra, could you post 1000-2000 in your Zazzle shop that we can buy, but they can only be shipped to Canadian address? Cause I would still feel the love with a bookplate I bought.

  77. B&N is being a bitch and won’t process my pre-order for the Nook Book version!!!!!! I am not pleased

  78. I pre-ordered my book waaaaay before the bookplates were announced? Am I still getting one or should I just settle for a severed, withered, wrinkled finger?

  79. I pre-ordered your book back in December, but forgot to fill out the form to order my bookplate. Thanks for the reminder.

  81. Jenny, this i how i know you would not make a good analyst. I would have so stacked them up by the hundreds and then combined those into piles of 1,000 each and THEN timed how long it took me to sign 1,000. When I reached 5 piles and realized I still had just as many more to stack – well, I would have known it was 10,000. I’m not criticizing, just explaining. And, yes, I really would have timed myself. Okay, gotta go order a book and bookplate.

    P.S. to Judi – I think a bookplate is a special dish you use when you are snacking and reading at the same time. Guess we’ll find out!

  82. I tried to order it, but amazon won’t accept a taxidermied ocelot as payment, I told them they could just send it to you, and you’d gladly accept

  84. Yeehaw Britain, indeed! Got it pre-ordered and will now proceed to sleep under my letterbox until it arrives and awakens me, in a most exciting yet undignified fashion, by landing right on my furiously happy face. 🙂

  85. No hard work causing pain is ever done in vain. At least that’s what I tell myself. Ice that hand!
    Make Victor massage it! Hope the circulation returns to normal soon 🙂

  86. Wow. Wow, wow, wow.

    I would type thank you 10,000 times but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t handle doing that well.

  90. To all of my Canadian friends, I have great news. If you are looking for a way to get onto the waiting list, send me $19.95, a self addressed stamped padded envelop (SASPE) so I can enclose a Beta Max tape* and the names of two friends that would also like to take part in this incredible opportunity.

    *The trick is to have someone in the US or Canada buy the book for you and ship it to your address as a gift. I just need to seriously get rid of these Beta Max tapes. They’re ruining my life and my storage options.

    PLEASE HELP!!!

  91. My girlfriend got me the audio book as a birthday present. Does this mean I get an extra mp3 of you saying your own name, in cursive?

  92. Yay! Happy early birthday to me. Just ordered from Amazon and the book plate. I can’t wait to get my hands on you Jenny, erm, I mean your book.

  93. Holy hell, that’s mean. Although a crafty way to have you sign extras….very clever publishers….

  94. And I am not telling anyone that I signed half of them. STG.

  95. I had one of those sudden laugh/hiccup sounds where people around me thought I was choking when I read the comment:

    “bridget March 16, 2012 at 11:41 am
    I think if you don’t inevitably get rid of all of them, you should start just sending them to your favorite celebrities with a note thanking them for the request.”

    Thanks Briget! I don’t know you, but I almost fell off my chair 😉

  96. Re-pre-ordered. Don’t let me down again, Amazon.co.uk.
    Any idea how we can lobby Picador to offer the bookplates? Because, you know, you have 4,000 spares and I want one.

  97. What about if I pre-ordered an American copy from Amazon to be delivered to the UK? Can I have a book plate then? *bats eyelashes*

  98. I have no idea what the thingy is on my comment above… its like I’m being stalked by my own comments… a book plate would really help me get past the fear…

  101. Good news on the UK front – I’d asked my mother to order me one as a birthday present. Granted I’m living in Switzerland right now, but at least I can get it delivered to the right side of the Atlantic now…
    Hopefully you’ve avoided carpol tunnel syndrome in the process of getting those bookplates sorted.

  102. As great as a shaky “Jenny” would be, could I get one of the kitty faces instead?

  103. Um, what are you going to do with the withered arm? I am pretty sure it will be worth some money, so you may want to preserve it, with you being so famous and all. And ridiculously, furiously, hilarious.

  104. Book is ordered. I’m sorry for your wrist pain. I would blame Wil Wheaton but apparently he has twine so I’ll let him slide on this one. Can’t wait to read it.

  106. This just reminded me that I preordered your book. I knew I’d forget. And I knew I would be surprising myself when it gets shipped to my house after I forgot about it. I did send my info in for the bookplate as well, so that’s another surprise I’m giving myself. 😉 WOOHOO. I can’t wait for all my surprises.

  108. Silver lining: Hooks are very efficient when typing. Less room for error, ergo, fewer typos.

    Really, who needs opposable thumbs when you can just stab what you want.

  111. Oh poo, I was about to pre-order my book, but then I saw I couldn’t get my book-plate because I’m not in the US.

    Amazon also needs a “no seriously, I can wait until that pre-order is in stock and get all my things then thanks” shipping option for us Australians. Makes it harder to get a lot of crap at the same time in order to reduce the impact of shipping costs.

    I will buy and read your book eventually, it’s just that I don’t have to rush and get it for the book plate now.

  112. Worried now because Amazon uk let me re- pre-order your book over a week ago..and only now they are telling you there is a UK publisher? Well, as long as I get my book ( a bookplate would be magic but I’ll settle for the book).

  115. Very excited about the UK publication – now get it out on kindle!!

  116. I just realized your book releases on my birthday, so that made the “what should I get myself for my birthday?” a real no-brainer.

  117. Just ordered my book – and bookplate! Serendipity does exist … my darling hubby tried to order it for me about 2 weeks ago and gave up, not understanding the pre-order process…. so glad I logged on tonight and saw the opportunity to get a bookplate after all! So stoked! Can’t wait to peek into the depths of your soul …

  119. I currently live in Germany, but I did preorder your book. I filled out the form for a book plate, but I filled out my mothers address, since she has kindly agreed to forward it to me. Only afterwards, I wondered if this might somehow be a problem, since the address associated with my billing info is not the same as my mothers. I really really realllllly hope this isn’t a problem… If it is I will be a sad panda, among other things. =/ Anyway, even if I can’t get the plate, I’m still super excited about the book! 🙂

  122. I am very much looking forward to the book!

    Sorry about your wrist, but I am selfishly glad that it means I can (probably) get a bookplate. Pre-ordered today.

  125. I have preordered mine from amazon us but am in australia. I wonder if i will get a chance to get a bookplate?

    Counting down the days until your book is released!

  127. Hooray for UK release! Can we expect to see it on kindle over here too? My husband won’t let me buy any more books unless I buy a new house to keep them in 😉

  128. I didn’t want all of your hard work wasted – so I ordered the book today. I love your blog!

  130. The day your book magically shows up on my Kindle, I’ll be in Bumblefark, Egypt, scattering the ashes of a man I didn’t much care for. You have no idea how much I’m going to need it. I will read it with gratitude in my heart, and minibar alcohol in hand, as God intended.

  131. So, I finally pre-ordered, not that I didn’t want to earlier, but apparently I am a closet procrastinator – who knew? At any rate, when I saw that this was my last day to get a bookplate, I figured I better get off my ass, right?

    Now, on to more serious business – I was reading some of the comments, and noticed a few people that wanted books but couldn’t get one because they’ve fallen on hard times. I’m not rolling in the dough by any means, but I sure as heck would order a book for someone else just to bring them a little joy. After all, who doesn’t like to spread joy. BUT, how do I know who to buy one for??? Well, I seem to recall that Jenny aka The Bloggess is bad-assed when it comes to hooking people up. So, dear Jenny – riddle me this – how fucking fabulous would it be if you used your bad-assedness to hook people up with other people so we could buy YOUR book for someone who might not otherwise get it. You spread joy, AND you sell your book. Winning, duh!

    I’ll be waiting to hear how this miracle will happen, and I can’t wait to be a part of it. And I know you said you weren’t going to do anything like this again because of that time that you did a similar thing for Christmas and then your head exploded, but this is totally different, and only sort of the same.

    Much Love Mrs. Lawson! Sincerely – Lisa Davis

  133. I’m still totally AMAZED that you actually signed them all by hand! When you first told us about them, I assumed they would be stamped or something. I should have known better, because you ROCK!! 😀

    P.S. Hope your arm grows back soon. It’s really convenient to have two! 😉

  134. I’ve been dying for a book and a bookplate. If only I weren’t an unbelievably poor roomate. Don’t suppose the deadline could be extended a week? Wishful thinking, I’m sure.

    Either way your book shall be mine! Eventually.

  136. Totally legitimate question. Is anybody on here willing to ship a book plate up here to canada? I already pre-ordered the book but if any one has a PO Box or something so i can request a bookplate and then kindly have it sent my way, that would be amazing!!

  138. Book preordered: check.
    Bookplate ordered: check
    Can I get one of the bookplates signed toward the end with the bloody stump. No, of course I wouldn’t use the encapsulated DNA to try to clone the Blogess, why would you ask such a question …

  140. I pre-ordered mine several weeks ago, signed up for a bookplate and never heard anything back. Are you mailing them all at once once the book goes live?

    I’m so anxious to read what I’m sure is a fabulous book. 😉

  141. I want to buy a book for someone who can’t afford it. Go to my blog post listed below to enter the give-away.

  144. Holy crap, sounds painful!

    Have already ordered my copy of the book (ebook) on the iPad…. can’t wait to read it.

    Last minute spell check worked, I wrote Holy CARP… now that would be a whole different thing, wouldn’t it?

  146. Even though I technically pre-ordered on the 17th (but only by a few minutes because I got distracted) may I please, please, PLEASE have a book plate if there are any left? It isn’t for me, it is for a friend. I pre-ordered my copy a couple of weeks ago but ordered another one to send to my friend as a surprise so she won’t have to check it out from the library. Nothing against libraries – I love them! – I just feel that she deserves her own copy. And a book plate if possible. Pretty please with whipped cream and Xanax on top?

  149. if i don’t get my bookplate, jenny, ima coming for you…

    and then i will stand outside your house in a ridiculous costume (tbd) and politely ask you for your autograph when you emerge on your way to buy a box of wine. bonus: i will be waiting with a box of wine, so you won’t actually have to go anywhere. i’m creepy and thoughtful at the same time.

  150. I was just looking to see what other books (already pre-ordered yours) I was going to get and saw you are #15 on Best Books list and yours isn’t even out yet. You Go Girl! Ouchies aside can’t wait for April!

  152. Hey I live in the UK and I’ve been reading your blog since forever.

    Excited to hear its being published over here, i had however already pre-ordered a copy from amazon 😀

    SHWING

  154. Yay for Picador publishing your book in Britain. Can’t wait to get a copy 🙂

  161. That is all kinds of awesome! Glad you’re hands didn’t fall off from all the signing & I can’t wait to get my book (and bookplate) next month!!

  163. Well, so possibly having your arm fall off will make writing your next best seller a *little* more difficult, but that should be a small price to pay for all of the people who will be sighing happily while gazing with smiles at your signature! 🙂
    Congratulations!

  164. Are you really present for all of this? I would be freaking the fuck out. Good on you Jenny!

  165. I just pre-ordered the book so I can get a signed bookplate even though I have no idea what a bookplate is. I’m so excited! I’ve never had a plate to put a book on@

  166. If your hands fall off, would you mind terribly sending one to me. It will make a wonderful relic buried under the altar in the Church of Jenny. Pilgrims will come from many lands to be in proximity with a Jenny body part. I predict you will be more popular than the Church of Elvis.

  168. Pre-ordered both the book and the bookplate. Hoping there is no issue with the fact that i used a different email for Amazon and the bookplate. Very very very excited and hoping to hear the details of your book tour as well.

    Also, anyone else wanting to jump Matthew Broderick to steal his copy because you are totally jealous he already has one? Just me? Damn.

  170. I am so happy! Your book is coming out on the last day of tax season! Hopefully it will be delivered the very next day so I can celebrate!!!!!

  172. I can’t wait for the book! I preorder the bookplate (or filled out the form…), but I never got a confirmation. I hope I did it right. Should I have gotten a confirmation?

    (I did a test and I didn’t get a confirmation either, so no worries. ~ Jenny)

  173. Thanks for saying electronic versions can get a bookplate too! I ordered my way back on January 4th but I didn’t think the bookplate offer applied to me! Filled out my form yesterday. I am so sticking it on the cover of my iPad! I’d stick it on the iPad itself but then it wouldn’t show and what’s the fun in that?

  174. I agree. Matthew Broderick is awesome. In fact, when I was 12 (right around the time Ferris Bueller came out), he sat across the aisle from me on an airplane. It was a long flight, and I was apparently ill. When I was a kid, my dad worked for Eastern Airlines, and we used to fly ALL THE TIME. The only time I’ve ever puked on an airplane, and I’m sitting next to Ferris Bueller. I could have died. In fact, I thought I might. He was very nice, though. He completely ignored me, and spent most of the flight talking with my mom about tennis, pretending I wasn’t completely grossing him out.

    What an awesome guy!

  176. Curses! I thought I was already too late to get a bookplate and missed your tweet when it went out last night. I will still be tremendously happy with your book, sans book plate. What’s the word on a bathroom autograph your?

  178. Hi!

    I noticed someone else asked this already, but i was also wanting to know;
    I ordered mine on the 3rd of Feb from US Amazon, but am having it shipped to Australia. Does this make me eligible for a bookplate? I haven’t tried to fill out a form, as I thought it had to be to a US address, but if it’s from the same supplier….

  181. Wil Wheaton tweeted recently that he was reading your book too. Maybe you should send one to Nathan?

    I’d like to get on the buying a book for someone bandwagon as well, assuming there is one.

    Or I can lend it to another kindle reader once I have read it, assuming the publisher allows kindle lending

  183. Matthew Broderick?! WOW. That is so super amazingly better than twine great. I mean what could possibly be next? Kristen Wiig organizing buttons?!

  184. So, did anyone else see that picture and think, “Holy Christ, Matthew Broderick doesn’t look twelve years old anymore, now I KNOW I’m getting old”?

  185. Okay, I’ve loved Matthew Broderick since I first saw Ladyhawke, even more so after Ferris and Biloxi Blues…but now, I think I want to have his babies. How awesome is that picture?!

  187. You mean Juanita didn’t handle any of the autographs for you??? You should talk to her about that 🙂

  188. I’m seriously in love with Mathew Broderick for being such an awesome sport. And Wil Wheaton too, of course, for carrying twine in his pocket just for you.

  191. I love you Matthew, will you marry me? Oh. You are married. Oh. so am I. Nevermind.

  193. I am counting the days that I will see my beloved Matthew back on the Broadway stage. Until then, The Bloggess is where I can see him and once again smile. I have loved him deeply for years and his participation on this site has only made my love deeper. Luckily, my husband understands my obsession for all things Matthew. Bloggess, you obviously have Matthew’s heart…..i am green with envy!!!!

  195. Oh your poor hand! I just preordered the Kindle version and I can’t wait to read it. And I hope I get a bookplate too! LOVE your blog! Thanks!

  196. OH NO! I missed the deadline… I just ordered mine and a gift for a friend… I still submitted a request for a bookplate… PLEASEEEEEE have mercy on my tardiness and send me one!

  197. Me thinks Matthew Broderick and Wil Wheaton are in an unspoken competition for The Bloggess’s attention. Everybody wins!

  198. I re-pre-ordered mine from Amazon UK, it was pre-ordered before but then they cancelled it so I’m really pleased it’s being published over here now. I’d really like a bookplate, but if they’re only in the US I guess that’s not going to happen. Congrats on your book though, I’m looking forward to reading it. 🙂

  199. Ho much do I love that Matthew Broderick fully appreciates you as much as we do? It’s so heartening to realize that there are celebrities out there who are smart, down-to-earth and real.

  203. If your hand falls off, try to get a good deal on a tentacle. That’s what my two sons (adults even if they rarely act like it) say they would do. Your book (and bookplate) should be waiting for me in May assuming they let me back into the country. Can’t wait!

  204. HEY! How does Matthew Broderick have his copy and I don’t yet have mine? I call celebrity shenanigans! Also – WAY better than twine!

  205. I’m sorry, but I will punch Ferris Beuller in the junk for that book. Just ran to front door, NOPE, no amazon box out there.

    Okay. I’ve never punched anyone in the junk and probably won’t. Still just full of empty promises. Better than twine.

  206. FERRIS BUELLER BOUGHT YOUR BOOK! “HE BOUGHT IT”(<—Said in Ferris fashion) FERRIS BUELLER IS TOTALLY READING YOUR BOOK! YOU ARE OFFICIALLY A FAMOUS PERSON. Don't forget us little people on your quick way to the top! <3

  207. Wait, what? How come Ferris Beuller has your book already and I’m still anxiously awaiting my copy? Does he have magical powers?

    Also, how fucking cool is it that random celebrities are now sending you pictures of themselves holding stuff? Even better, holding stuff that you’ve written. (Plus, since I met you at BlogHer last year, that means I’m only two degrees separated from both Wil Wheaton AND Matthew Broderick AND Simon Pegg’s hand, so now it’s like I’m famous, too. So thanks for being so awesome that the celebs just flock to you, because it’s really inflating my ego. And also I’m pretty sure this comment stopped making sense many, many words ago. Sorry.)

  208. Yay! In celebration of your book being published in the UK, I think you should also open your online shop up to UK customers, seriously, you don’t know how much I want ‘eight pounds of uncut cocaine’ on my credit card bill.

  209. Oh so much cooler than Twine. Nathan Fillion has already ordering your book under his assumed name. He’s just ashamed at his stubbornness now.

  211. Matthew Broderick makes me re-love him all over again every time I read your blog. Also, my husband loves me(for some insane reason) and pre-ordered your book for me(yay!), but he didn’t know about the potential for a bookplate(boo!). So, if I could still get one, that’d be fantastic! Also, I look great in my Unicorn Success Club t-shirt, so thanks for that!

  212. I think a great addition to your site would be pictures of celebrities holding your book with quotes from them reviewing how freaking awesome it is. Then in the next set of publishing, you can have those extra pages in your book with all the celebrity quotes! Your book will sell like hotcakes! Er…. Cabbage Patch Kids! Er… Beanie Babies! Er…. Tickle-Me-Elmos! Er…. CRACK!

    The End

  213. Matthew Broderick + Your Booky = Literary Successfullnesseses. I hope his book had one of your 10,0000 signatures in it!

    I, alas was:
    a) too forgetful to order mine before the time limit;
    b) blocked by the stupid work Internet filter for “shopping”; and
    c) sort of too broke from spending too much money on sprinkles.

    Seriously, I have a sprinkle budget now and a trip to Grandpa’s Cheese barn cost me the next two week’s “ridiculous food” budget.

    I NEEDED those spicy pickles and blueberry cheddar becasue Grandpa himself recommended them.

  214. Dearest Bloggess:

    Unless I have taken up sniffing glue and just don’t remember (probably because my brain has gone squishy from all the glue I cant remember sniffing), I cannot for the life of me figure out how to sign up for my bookplate. I pre-ordered your Booky months ago via Kindle and have tried several times since to sign up for the Plate with no success.

    Please help me?

    Your devoted servant,
    C

  218. I’m sorry to have been part of your carpal tunnel-ness. But maybe you can decorate the wrist with feathers and a monkey head. To keep you company while you’re signing.

  219. Oh fartknocker balls. I finally pre-ordered the book today (after having it sit in my amazon cart for about two weeks), and now it looks as though I’m not going to get one of the bookplates. Or, I’m just too stupid to find the damn form. I’ll say it again. balls. That will teach me to procrastinate.

  220. Matthew Broderick is my hero.
    I wonder though… might he be redefining the term “celebrity stalker”?

    In all seriousness, you are having a phenominally awesome life right now even if you ha ve to hide in bathrooms to avoid crowds. Inspirational. So I guess I’ve no reason not to submit my work for shows. Other than the fact that I won’t be allowed to hog the street side porta potties at the art fairs… how horrible can it be to get excited and make stuff? and then sell it?

  221. I pre-ordered the book, but can’t find ANYWHERE how to sign up for one of the bookplates. I see references to a “button” on some comments, and when I search for “bookplate” I just get directed to some of your blog posts, which don’t appear to have any place to sign up for a bookplate. I’m so confused! Can someone tell me where to sign up, or post a link, or SOMETHING? LOL

  222. Did you notice that on Amazon, their “customers who bought this also bought” listing has the following: Confessions of a Scary Mommy, Bedtime Stories for Children You Hate, and Taming Your Alpha Bitch? In such classy company!

  225. Goddammit I love Matthew Broderick. I hope he has a quote on the back of the next edition of the book.

  226. Matthew Broderick is my new favorite celebrity. I have a feeling he’s not hurting for cash, but if he ever was, I’d give him my last $20. And also offer to make out with him, but not in a prostitutey way. He could have the $20 whether he said yes or no.

  227. Well, I am really behind the times and just got around to pre-ordering your book (I managed to hide under my rock longer than I should have and have just emerged to join the rest of the world again) and was really excited to see that you had extra bookplates. I filled out the form and sent it in, and then re-read this post and saw that I had to have the bookplate order in by the 16th. Drat. I’m hoping they will send me one anyway, but if they don’t, and you end up with a pile of 4,000 extra bookplates, I would love to have one!! I also think you need to come to Portland some day. I’m pretty sure you would fit right in, as Portland prides itself on being weird. Hell, maybe you just need to move to Portland. They could make a Portlandia episode starring Portland’s newest resident crazy! We love our crazys!!

  228. i just really want to trade places with Matthew Broderick right now so I can already have a copy of your book. Like wow, my jealousy levels are at a new height.

  229. Saw the great review in the April issue of Whole Living. Fancy. Congrats!

  231. I ordered my book plate last month, but have a recurring nightmare than the internets didn’t record it properly. So fingers crossed that one of those bookplates is mine!

  232. Matthew Broderick sent you a picture of himself holding your book???

    HOLY CRAP you are one lucky woman! I’ve had a thing for him since the 80’s.

    Can I be your intern so I can bask in your greatness for a few moments? :-)~

  234. I hopped out to my mailbox today and hooray, there was an envelop from Penguin! Could it be my Bloggess bookplate? Nope… the envelope was empty.

    I knew Penguins were devious, but to get my hopes up and then dash them through US mail? That’s a whole new level of fucked up.

    (You lucky thing. You received the invisible bookplate! Actually, just send a tweet to @putnambooks and they’ll fix it. It happened to about 10 other people. ~ Jenny)

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