Our 16-year-old cat looks like death warmed over. The other day he sneezed a tooth at me and looked at me like “Is this what’s it come to?” He’s also allergic to himself and is full of snot. AND LOVE. Also, I want to point out that I took him to the vet several months ago to put him down and the vet was like “You want to murder your cat? Because he’s fine. He just looks shitty.” I’m paraphrasing. Then he gave me some meds that are supposed to make Posey look less Gollum-like but they totally aren’t working.
Conversation I had with Victor about Posey:
Victor: I think Posey is ready to go visit Jesus.
me: He’s fine. He’s just…tired.
Victor: You aren’t doing him any favors. He looks like he wants me to suffocate him out of pity.
me: HE’S FINE. He’s 112 in people years. Pray you look that good when you’re 112.
Victor: I’ll be begging you to kill me with a hammer at 112.
me: Touch my cat and I’ll get out the hammer now. He’s fine. He’s eating, drinking, pooping, peeing and loving. He’s still doing the 5 “ING”‘s. Some days we don’t even have a healthy balance of “ING’s”.
Victor: Are you saying our family is unbalanced? Too much pooping, maybe?
me: I was thinking not enough loving. For our cat.
Victor: And possibly too much drinking. Right now. Because this cat looks miserable and you’re drunk if think he looks happy.
me: You know what? He’s purring so loud I can’t even hear you.
Victor: I think his purr is busted. I’m pretty sure he’s trying to growl at the grim reaper following him around.
me: He’s fine. He’s gonna be around forever. This cat has outlasted 4 cats and 2 dogs. I think he might be immortal.
Victor: I worry about you.
me: PROVE DADDY WRONG, POSEY. PROVE HIM WRONG.
Victor: I’ll get the hammer ready.
PS. People think I’m joking about Posey sleeping with his eyes open to watch out for death.