So, tomorrow I leave to go on tour. Just like a famous rock star or artifacts of terrible disasters. The difference being that my tour will probably culminate with me sitting alone at a card table while the bookstore cashiers look at me with pity. Which is why I’m bringing my phone so I can just tweet the whole time. Be prepared for lots of tweets.
But if you do want to come see me on tour (pretty please come, even if it’s just to say “Will you sign my boobs?”) then here’s my schedule. Also, you might want to call first to find out the details and make sure there aren’t any rules against boob signing. I’m sort of at their mercy when it comes to boobs and stuff.
Also, several people have asked if I put any special riders into my tour contract, like “a bowl of zebra eggs in the green room” and the answer is “no” because I don’t have a green room or a tour contract or the ability to demand zebra to lay eggs, but if I did I’d probably ask for one of my cats to go on tour with me because he makes me feel less terrified. And I’d need a cat handler too. But not one that was too good because I don’t want my cat to get used to the swank life and then have to go back to real life. How are you going to keep them down on the farm when they’ve been stroked in some New York hotel by a certified cat fondler? That’s why I’d want a cat handler who wasn’t very good with cats. And some zebra eggs.
And now, time for the weekly wrap-up…
What you missed on Ill-Advised:
What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Class of 1867. Confuse the hell out of people.
- version 2
- Unicorn Success Club Mousepad
- Out drunking.
- Fresh from the Lady Garden
What you missed on the internets:
- Free Hamlet Von Schitzel stick puppet (to keep you company in lines)
- Target is carrying my book!
- From Reuters
- “Blogs are the new sweatpants.”
- I did apologize
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by my friend from Look, a Red Herring! Elle Persephone has just the right amount of honest and brutal and burlesque and pin curls and bacon pancakes. It’s sort of like heaven in a blog. You need to check it out.