This isn't a real post

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Random Crap

This isn’t a real post.  It’s just me saying thank you.  Thank you for supporting this 10-year long journey.  Thank you for letting me borrow xanax when I forget mine.

Thank you for coming to my first ever book reading:

Thank you for buying my book:

Thank you for understanding that I had to bring Copernicus-the-Homicidal-Monkey and Juanita Weasel along as a security blanket:

Thank you for dressing up as Juanita Weasel (complete with apron) just to make me smile.

Seriously.  Thank you.

PS.  I’m traveling for the next two weeks on tour.  Come see me?

353 thoughts on “This isn't a real post”

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  1. OMG, this is SERIOUSLY so very cool!

    I am excited for you and happy for you and …Hell…Congrats, girl, and run with it and make it your bitch!

  2. You know you’ve made it when you inspire cosplay. Congratulations, my lady!

  5. You rock so damned hard.

    Almost as hard as the woman dressed up as Juanita Weasel. I mean, *seriously*?! THAT is cool. 🙂

    K.

    (P.S. Proud of you, friend. xo)

  6. Oh, how I wish you were coming close enough that I could come see you! Yay, Jenny! Yay for your ten-year journey and your huge heart and your unique worldview and your exuberance. You’re inspiring me to not give up on my own projects, and I really appreciate your honesty about your perseverance. Hope to see you soon in a bathroom somewhere.

  7. No, thank YOU. Thank you for being that voice in my head that points out all the ridiculous shit I see every day. Even though your real voice sounded NOTHING like the voice in my head.

  11. <3
    How I wish I was somewhere where I could come see you! I am so excited for you and so excited for everyone who gets to see you and damn it, I am just excited!

  12. Theoretically, I may get to see you in Dallas. Either way, I have the audiobook and the ebook and I’m trying to convince people that they need to get me the hardcover to complete my collection without my having to spend more money. That’s still supportive, right?

    Either way, you should know that your book is brilliant, hilarious, heartbreaking and fabulous — kind of like you.

  13. I wish your tour took you ANYWHERE near me, but I will soothe myself with your book. I love the hilarity and honesty in the book! Also, I CANNOT read this book in public due to insane and sporadic laughing fits. I’m not one to usually laugh out loud like that and am loving the new experience!

  14. I am sooo looking forward to getting my copy. Too bad I ordered the hardcover…cause I want to read it NOW! I can’t wait!

  15. Your book is AMAZING.
    I barely got through the first page – I was laughing so hard, I had tears in my eyes, and couldn’t breathe.

  19. I wish you were coming to Indiana or somewhere close. I would totally be there as you are a HUGE inspiration to me. I’m almost halfway down with your book and I laugh sooo much. You are truly an amazing person. Come to Indiana soon! <3

  20. that was juanita’s happy noise… she’s famous, ya know. if you play your cards right, she might take YOU on HER next tour, jenny!

    you rule. xoxo, buf

  21. OMG…I really had tears in my eyes for you…so HAPPY for ALL of this. You rock!! (ROCK ROCK ROCK!) Have fun….THAT is what is most important! =) Yay….

  22. It was a great reading. I’m so glad I went, it was such a happy room. I think you had to have felt the support and love in the room. Hope the rest of the tour goes as well.

  25. Cannot WAIT to see you in Austin next week! I am reading my book now. You rock. Like that’s news. Congrats on all this. You are so worth it!

  27. Oh, how I wish you were coming to Seattle! Alas. I can’t wait til my book shows up! I LOVE that girl who dressed up at Juanita Weasel. That is how you work Weasel Chic, right there.

  28. Just finished your book today and wow–easily the most entertaining memoir I’ve ever read, and definitely funnier than the Bible.

    Will check the tour schedule and hope you’ll be headed somewhere near me!

  30. Thank YOU for writing such a brilliant book that I burst out laughing in the middle of silent reading time and had to be reprimanded by my students.
    I wish Chicago was on your list!

  31. Jenny: There is nothing quite like that first reading. Out of body experience, surely. congrats to you and I can’t wait to get the book. You aren’t coming near me, but if you did, i would totally wear my apron. I have a miniature Beyonce on my back deck right now that my best friend gave me for my birthday!

    Congrats. You are going on a wonderful journey. sbr

  32. Just purchased it, thank goodness for the iPad so I can start reading right away. Congratulations and thank you for the laughs!

  34. LOVE the book! Good job being a little off kilter. It’s served you well!

  37. I can’t wait to get my book in the mail! Congratulations! I wish I could come to a signing but I’m in Ohio and no one ever comes here on purpose.

  38. See you in San Fran. I’ll bring the xanax. I may not be able to dress up as Juanita since I am coming straight from work, but I will be sure to bring my miniature glass beyonce with me. really, it wouldnt be fair to leave him home.

  41. So excited to come to the book reading tomorrow in LA! Is it completely psychotic of me to bring my reasonably sized metal chicken, Ben Affleck, to the reading on the off chance that you might autograph it?

    Congratulations!

  42. How exciting!!! So thrilled for you! Can’t wait to get my copy in the mail. The signed nameplate was such a tease. Wish you wee coming to central FL!! I would drive to Orlando!!

  44. I just finished your book at work (thank you, Kindle Cloud Reader!). So wonderful!!!

  45. Congrats! The book is awesome! I have to put it down every few pages because I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. Thanks for sharing your life.

  47. Thank you Jenny. Thank you for writing an amazing book. Thank you for sharing it with us. Thank you for making the last 2 days of my life enjoyable ones. Thank you for being my current rainbow after a long shitty rain. Thank you Thank you Thank you.
    I still wish you were coming closer to me. Or that I could drive. I’d take one hell of a road trip because meeting you would totally be worth it.

  49. I got your book in the mail today. So excited! Wish you were coming to Boston 🙁

  50. I just got the book! I actually bought the hardcover book too (because I plan on keeping it) as opposed to the usual iPad download. Can’t wait to read it.

  51. Ack! You’re not coming anywhere near NC! You know you have a lot of fans in the Tarheel State, right? There are also quite a few taxidermists around, and didn’t you buy the Cuban alligator here? It’s like God is telling you to come back on your book tour.

  52. I downloaded your book on Kindle last night, and stayed up waaaaay too late reading. And laughing. Out loud. While my husband was sleeping. Every time I think of “Papaw, wake up and say hewwo,” I pee my pants a little bit. Thanks for the laughs at a time when I really need them!

  53. Kinda having a panic attack cuz I get to see you on Friday, but everything nice I can think of to say sounds kinda stalker-y.

  55. Oh my goodness, no confidence wig! You are so brave!
    I am so thrilled for you. I got my book club to read it this month. And I check your amazon ranking every day. You are rocking it!

  56. Yay! My friend Eileen was there, cheering you on. She said you had the room howling with laughter within 3 minutes without any mention of towels. She desperately wanted to get you to sign her book with “Knock, knock, motherfucker” but Eileen being Eileen, she couldn’t bring herself to utter the words. I should have been there! (But unfortunately, NYC is about as close to Chicago as Texas is and my transporter is totally busted.)

  57. Lots of Austinites are eager to see you next Wednesday! Can’t wait. And the book has kept me crying from laughing so hard! Thank you, dear Bloggess, for all the fun you bring to us!

  58. Thank you for being so hysterical. If I hear my work buddy trying to stifle their cackling in the next cubicle over, I always ask “Bloggess?” And she always replies “YEEEEES SO FUNNY.” Have a GREAT book tour-I’m saving my reading for the bus, so I can scare people when I start laughing.

  59. I feel like I should be thanking you, for writing first a blog and now a book that make me feel less alone and less like I have to apologize for having a brain disorder.
    For being so brave and so honest about the things you struggle with- because you are helping tear apart myths and stigma related to mental illness. You’re helping people understand that we’re not scary, or lazy, or making shit up.
    Thank you for writing a book that made me laugh until I cried, and then cry until I… well, cried some more. Thank you for writing a book that made me say, more than once- “Oh my god, baby, listen to this! It’s like she’s in my HEAD!” (My husband is deeply concerned that there are more people in the world that blurt out things like, “Necrophilia is bad” at parties. I think we should totally have our own party, because then you can totally be like, “Necrophilia is bad!” and I can be like, “I KNOW, RIGHT?! What is WRONG with those motherfuckers.” And then we can talk about how sad our boobs looked after the milk dried up and it totally won’t be awkward at all.)
    I’m babbling now.
    So anyway. Thanks. I totally love you, and if you didn’t live so far away and I wasn’t so scared of traveling I would stalk you like a motherfucker. But in a nice way.

  60. Seriously, if you were able to come anywhere near the Pacific NW, I would totally be all over that shit. I would be THERE! I would wear an apron! I would be all, “This motherfucking souffle is RUINED!”

    Thank you so very much for being the awesomest of awesome people.

    I pre-ordered your book and am now waiting for a certain online web retailer (rhymes with slamazon) to get off its collective ass and ship eet to me nowwwwww! Can’t wait to read it! 🙂

  61. It is OUR pleasure! You make us smile and cry and laugh and feel so many emotions. We adore you!

  62. Okay, the woman who dressed up is seriously cool. And I’m sure has given other people plenty of ideas.
    Now I bet you see a lot of great costumes along the way. Or some great red dresses.

  63. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got so worried about you way up there in New York City , I had to call B&N and make sure you had people…The girl that answered was typical NY….”UH yeah, she’s has some” I then threatened to stab her, and she went and looked again and said “She has a whole lot. OK?” WHEW….
    Glad you made it through with awesome peeps!!
    See ya in SA!!
    (although after re-reading this, it seems awfully stalkerish, I may be barred)
    Kathryn

  64. Dearest Bloggess,
    Today I was having a really rough day. I was sitting at my desk thinking, “I need to smile. Where is The Bloggess?” So, first I checked Twitter, but you are busy signing books, so I came here. I do this often. Thank you! You have no idea how blessed the world is to have you in it!

  65. Thrilled to be seeing you – in company with some of the best blogsisters EVA – in a few days.

    I would say, look for the crazy group of fans, but somehow I doubt that’ll make us stand out. We’ve turned the weather onto “warm & sunny,” just for you. Feel free to join us at Il Buco, beforehand.

  66. Sweet Jenny, my book was in the mailbox when I got home today! I’m excited. Even the table of contents is funny. When are you going to say goodbye to Victor (or, as I think of him, “what’s-his-name”) and run away with me?

  67. Thank you for writing us a book and a fucking awesome blog that reminds us how human we all truly are and that even when shit sucks we can still laugh.

  72. No, thank you!!!! You make me laugh like nobody can. And, I just about passed out when I received my signed book plate in the mail last week. Jumping up and down like I just won the lottery would have been fine if I had been by myself. Unfortunately my mother, husband and neighbor were watching-oops!

  74. What a night! I am so glad I brought a personal doctor to the event in order to overcome the anxiety of city travel which I suck at. I would be more than happy to pimp her out to you when needed. I just thought of a question that was not asked…”Did you lose the 3 lbs? and would you recommend said diet plan to your friends and family?” Congrats on your fabulosity!

  76. I would love to come see you but you are not coming anywhere near me! Keep the pictures coming. It makes me feel like I am there too. Much love!

  78. I am so freaking proud of me! if I had not offered you advice on how to write this book, you would have never been published. Kidding aside, you rock! I’m stalking my mailbox. Which is hard since it’s at the UPS Store. The employees are going to call the cops any minute. I should go now.

  79. I’ve just finished up the first few chapters and had to stop to give my aching abs rest time in between all the laughing.
    I do have one question: Is Grandlibby still alive? And how did your mother react to reading about all the fun things she let you do as kids? Oh that was two questions.

  80. I finished the book today.
    The stares I got from people as I laughed loudly to myself were WORTH IT.

    Also due to my insane giggles, I’m pretty sure six inquiring people are now going to buy the book.

    YOU’RE WELCOME.

  81. This is all so many kinds of awesome. I hope that you have many more people come as Juanita , Jean Louise, and maybe even Beyonce, just for fun. I just wish you were coming to Canada. I guess for now I will have to just enjoy the book, which I can’t wait to read!

    Have a great tour!

  82. p.s. Juanita Weasel girl, we love you! President, Double Unicorn Success Club!

  83. You look so happy (or scared/smiley?). I got my book today, so I’m grinning from ear to ear. I’ve also printed out my copied signed fake bookplate (I’m from Canada, eh?) and am all ready to cut it out and glue it in place! Wish you were coming here, but I understand that you need to get home to your daughter and husband eventually! Maybe next time!

  85. I took your book with me today to the mechanic’s. As I sat and waited, I began reading the chapter entitled “And then I got stabbed in the face by a serial killer”. Big mistake. I noticed my companions as I waited were two ladies of a certain age, probably at least 73 and really they should not be driving any more. They were also reading. Big, fat, romance novels. And I sat reading your book. Your GLORIOUS book that had brought me to tears and snorting laughter the night before. And as I read your warning to Victor about your Halloween costume (I don’t want to ruin it for all of you, but get to that part fast, it’s hysterical) I began to laugh, pressing my lips together to keep it inside, and it began to leak out of me in fits and starts, and I desperately stared straight ahead at Wendy Williams to gain control.

    Well done, my friend. WELL DONE!

    PS-I will be rereading that chapter tonight so I can let it alllllllll out!

  87. I wanted to let you know that you are officially invited to our next book club meeting when we will be discussing your book. I know that you will not be able to attend and there is no real expectation that you would try, but I think it is important that you know you are welcome to come. Also important for you to know that when I say “discussing” I actually mean “drinking a lot and listening to Lynn tell vagina-related stories.” May 15th @ 6PM, D Rowes, Columbia MO. I’ve got the first round.

  88. Congratulations! 🙂 I just got my notification that Amazon are sending me my book….. super excited!! Can’t wait to read it

  89. No, thank you! I’ve been laughing for two days straight. I loved seeing some of the stories that I remember from your blog over the years, as well as learning the back stories to what has made you the boat load of awesome that you are. Seriously, well done.

  90. Congratulations. I could almost feel your joy from Canada. This is a well deserved accolade. Now for the rest of you…Read my blog, please.

  91. Ran out and bought my copy today! First time EVER I have bought a book I wanted in hard copy. Good luck on the rest of your tour! We love you.

  92. Jenny, your book is the best by far! I have tried to read it on my kindle at my desk at work but I keep getting the stinky eye from co-workers and apparently I cannot read it in front of my children because the laughter fits frighten them, also they might be afraid I would choke on my hamburger…or they may wish I would. Either way I am reading it as I can and I cannot help but laugh…please note a disclaimer should have been wrote about wearing depends!

  93. umm so North Carolina is kinda like Texas but not. And there are so many many things here you have not seen I bet. I live in the really cool part not the scary for genetic reasons part . That’s not supposed to sound as bad as it did. This isn’t Kentucky you know. I would have said West Virginia but that is so obvious accept maybe not cause it could be taken so out of context but I’m thinking that you feel me ya know. Not like for real. The feel part that is. Anyway, I read and we have bookstores. Which they don’t in certain parts of NC which is sad but explains a great deal. Why did you book show up at 2am on my Kindle btw? Seemed kinda random. I get the time thing but anyway I had to go to bed knowing it was there but I couldn’t start at 2am! And wait! Raleigh-Durham-Chapel Hill NC wants you! Please please come visit/book tour! I bet you have not seen/smelled hillbilly redneck techie degreed geeks that may or may not speak esperanto and Farsi. Something tells me I should stop here.

  94. I can’t wait to get your book! And if you ever come to Kentucky, I’ll be sure to catch one of your readings!

  95. My printed book is on its way, but I couldn’t wait, so I’m listening to your audio book right now. wonderful.

  97. How incredible!! I would so dress up like Copernicus or Beyonce if you came close enough. Have I asked you to adjust your schedule to include somewhere within 3 hours of Winston-Salem, NC? Please. There will be nachos.

  102. Thank you for helping me survive days that I didn’t want to survive. Thank you for teaching me that different doesn’t have to mean worthless. Thank you for being the family member that sometimes my own family can’t be. Good luck in the next two weeks!! I wish I could come meet you and tell you thank you in person.

  104. That doesn’t look much like a card table… or pitying looks. Looks more like love and adoring fans! Congratulations, Jenny – you have “arrived”!

  105. I just ordered mine 15 minutes ago as my requested 21st wedding anniversary gift! I can’t wait to get it!

  106. My copy came in the mail today!!!!!! I have never been more excited for a book in my life!!!!!!

  107. Don’t be so surprised. We love you. That’s all there is to it.

    Though I do have to tell you that my mother and I scoured the local B&N for your damn book, went to every New Arrival table twice, and didn’t find it at all. My mom even looked it up so she knew what the cover looked like to make it easier on herself. She thought it would be funny if it was in the Teen Romance/Drama/Fantasy section, so she went there (I suspect it has more to do with her love for teen fiction novels, and less to do with the possibility of your book being there, but I know B&N sucks at stocking their books properly, so she could very easily have been correct). I stroll casually back to one of the New Arrival tables in the back and suddenly, your book was there, stacked up in the middle of the table, proudly presenting little Hamlet von Schnitzel. He was like a goddamn war hero.

    I’ll also tell you that I stayed up until 5AM reading this book, and I just finished it about an hour ago. Honestly, I’ve never laughed until I produced tears, and then cried out of actual sadness immediately after, from a book before. You make it okay to laugh at things that shouldn’t be funny.

    I can’t wait for my boyfriend to read this book so he can laugh where I laughed, and get emotional where I got emotional, and appreciate it for everything that it is. A wonderful book written by a wonderful person.

    Alright, I’m done being creepy. This has gone on far too long.

  108. OMG I’M LOSING MY MIND! I would love to come see you, but unless I stalk you and sit outside of your house I don’t see how that will happen. Unfortunately you aren’t going to be in Chicago, and I no longer live in California. But you know.. Stalking is possible.

    <3 Thank YOU for being the light in the tunnel, and reminding me that it's okay to not be a tightrope walker, as long as you're trying.

  109. I was just sitting here procrastinating finishing my last assignment of the semester by reading old posts and refreshed the page to find this piece of genius! You make my day better. I CAN’T WAIT TO GET THE BOOK!

  110. If you were coming anywhere near me I would wait outside all night just to say hi.

  111. SO HAPPY FOR YOU! My book arrived yesterday! I can’t wait to read it and all it’s insanity. Me and my girlfriends are going to have a book party after we all read it (ahem, we all pre-ordered) and talk about how awesome and hilarious you are. We’ll send you pics. Much love and congrats!

  112. I bought the people magazine today…and starting screaming & crying over you review….my wife was so excited for me, she kept saying “This is THE BLOGESS you always tells me about Oh, you LOVE her” I love it that she gets me 🙂

  114. We love you, Jenny! I wish I could have made it to New York, I so wanted to be there to see you! Copernicus looks so cute on tour with you. Give him a hug from me. ^_^

    I can’t wait till my copy of your book arrives! Barnes & Noble claims it is on its way. O.O

    Love and hugs,

    Heather

  115. WooHoo!!! Diggin the weasel cosplay btw. Hope you have a very successful/fun book tour. Congrats again. Can’t wait to read your book. =)

  116. Allow me to join the chorus of Thank You’s? Thank you for sharing your life with us, and thank you for so bravely facing that room full of love to read your amazing work. I totally didn’t get to expound on your braverism last night because I was too nervous about finally meeting you — did I even remember to say thank you? In any event, thank you for being you and for being so brave. And thank you for signing my computer (it looks amazing) and THANK YOU for signing my boob!, I teach preschool and now everyone i work with thinks I’m crazy. (just kidding– they already thought that.)

    Love your guts (intestine specifically),
    -jo

  117. I received my copy of your book today! I’m so excited to read it…congratulations!!!

  119. 1000 congratulations!!!!!
    The book is so great! I really wanted to be there, but it was right at baby’s bedtime. I cant believe I missed Juanita!
    so so so happy for you. Enjoy this!

  120. I may or may not have kissed the UPS man who brought me your book today. It was sheer agony to have it sitting on my desk while I had to work but I decided to risk peeing in the train seat on the way home due to laughing so hard. I am pretty sure that the other passengers thought there was something seriously wrong with me and I was waiting for the transit police to ask me to please exit the train unless I could control myself.

    Thank you, Jenny for the book, for your blog and most importantly for being you. I am so excited to get to meet you in 7 days, 23 hours and 32 minutes (ok, yeah, I MIGHT be counting). I have to get back to reading now…

  122. I LOVE your book! I need you to come to D.C. because my family may not understand when I tell them I’m going to be out of town for a few days because I need to meet Juanita and Copernicus.

  124. Okay, am I the only one that teared up? Because, I’m just so proud to see standing room only at the book reading. #pms #hormones #touchofthecrazy

  125. I’m seeing you tomorrow (at your reading, I mean. Not outside of your hotel or anything), and I think I’m outside of your typical demographic, chromosomally speaking. If I wasn’t already married, I’d probably use your reading as an opportunity to want to talk to ladies, but chickening out and awkwardly not talking to them. But since I am married, I’ll be able to not talk to women with confidence!

    PS: Totally thought the reading was today. I’m glad I checked.

  127. This isn’t a real comment. I just wanted to say that I tried to ILL (inter-library loan) your book last night. In my area, there are five libraries that currently stock it. All copies are out. An additional four libraries have ordered the book.

    I’m seriously impressed: I didn’t think that we had that many cool people in this part of the state. Thank you, Jenny, for re-defining my stereotypes of my own neighborhood. I cannot wait to read your book (in 5-10 business days…)!

  128. I got your book today. OMG! I’ve only through page 34, and my husband has come upstairs TWICE to ask me if I’m ok. I can’t stop laughing!

    Thank you, Jenny! This week has been like crap toast, and now I don’t even care about all those people who made me miserable. You are the BEST!

    Best wishes for the rest of your book tour! You will rock the house everywhere you go!

  129. Your book arrived yesterday and had me up half the night crying with laughter! I also got my weekly email from Barnes and Noble this morning, and it was the number one book listed under notable books in the “Living” category. Congrats on your hard work!!!!!

  130. I got your book today! In Australia! After I pre-ordered, whats feels like months ago. YAY!!!!!

  132. I wish I could come! But please know that even here in New Zealand, Juanita, Hamlet (even Copernicus) will always have a place to stay. You could even come too if you like :o)

  136. I’m reading your book RIGHT NOW. Instead of working. Because that’s the way you intended it, I just KNOW it.

  137. I have worked out the kid-care logistics and I will see you Friday!!!!
    🙂 Emily

  140. You were amazing and delightful and so much fun! I’m so glad you kicked off your book tour in NY!!! Thank you so much for autographing my anti-anxiety medication bottle! And thank you for not thinking it to be a strange request.

  142. I <3 whoever dressed as Juanita. Because that is just awesome. I really wish I could make it out to one of the stops. I have it on my Nook, and I have a feeling I'm going to have to use it as a bribe to get myself to write this week. (See, you're a bribe for me! A wonderful bribe)

  143. I’ve never been more excited to see a pile of books in my life. And I used to work at a library. Thank YOU for sharing.

  145. Jenny, I have been reading Let’s Pretend This Never Happened while on Ergo breaks at work. My boss is still trying to figure out why I have taken more ergo breaks these past 2 days than I have the previous 2 years…

    Enjoy your tour – you earned it!
    ~EdT.

  146. Jenny, I literally just bought your book on my Kindle, and I almost peed myself reading the FIRST TWO PAGES! I’m a brand-new supporter but I think you’re an incredible, beautiful, inspiring person and I’m so glad I found you…and I can’t wait to get past the first two pages!!! 😀

  147. Eeeewwww…that’s such a creepy smiley face. Sorry. Won’t do it again.

  148. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

    *runs in circles shrieking with joy for you*

  149. Sad face…I still don’t see any tour stops near me. Will you be adding any? Can you come to MN? I’ll meet you in the bathroom with Iron Butterflies or Lemon Drops- you pick!

  150. Congratulations on a super successful, wonderful, fantabulous first reading & signing. I imagine the crowd looks just like a typical meeting of the Double Unicorn Success Club in your neighborhood with super special guest stars Copernicus & Juanita. Well done, Jenny. You deserve all the good stuff coming your way. Thanks for taking us along for the ride.

  152. You were amazing at the reading/signing. This was my first time attending an event like this, mostly because I’m absolutely terrified of talking with people I really admire who are also strangers. I’m so glad I went, not only because it was an opportunity to meet you and tell you how much I enjoy your writing, but also because it was really touching to be a part of such a special moment for such a special person and author.

    Congratulations on a fantastic job well done!

  153. You are not only an inspiration, but a hero. Reading?!?! In front of an entirely full room?!?! Jesus H Christ… I’m having an anxiety attack just thinking about it!!!

    LOVE YOU!!!!

  154. OMG- The Other Jamie? I totally didn’t copy you- promise…..p.s. love your name!

  157. Congrats on your success and I hope you have a fabulous time on your book tour!

    I did preorder the book, but I suspect my postal workers are reading my copy secretly since it hasn’t arrived yet. I did, however, receive the signed book plate which is now on display on my cork board of awesome right next to the trading card of Jordan Knight from New Kids on the Block. It’s better than it sounds. Anyway, congrats and continued success to you! I can’t wait to start and finish the book this weekend!!

  158. Oh yeah…and if you could come to the Minnesota to the Mall of America Barnes and Noble this Saturday that would be great cause we’re doing a Red Dress photo shoot at the indoor amusement part. We’d all come to see you in our red dresses! And with Iron Butterflies and/or Lemon Drops. You still get to pick….

  159. Dear Jenny:

    If I took Xanax, I would totally share with you. I don’t, though. Can I interest you in a klonopin smoothy?

  160. Congratulations! I can’t wait to see you next week in Houston. Until then, let’s continue to defeat the alligators.

  162. I jumped up and down when the UPS guy came today! Hope all your book tour days are awesome!!

  164. I am such a dork- I took one look at that picture and immediatly sought out the back of my head. But, you were amazing!!! You were so cool, calm and collected (at least in appearance) I think I was having more of a panic attack that you were because of all the people there!

    I don’t know if I mentioned it last night, but thank you for being such a wonderful role model and support to those of us who have slight mental quirks. 🙂

    -Kare (as you signed my book, which I now think I am going to totally own!)

  166. It is so cool your friends/followers dressed up. I would love to go, not only to meet you but also to meet all your friends who are awesome also. Have Fun!

  167. I hope you know that all of us want to thank YOU all of the time. For your humor and weirdness and beauty. And the way you make us all feel not alone in the world with our strange ideas and constant swearing. You are brave and fantastic. Enjoy this. You earned it all.

  168. See you (and Copernicus and Juanita) tomorrow in L.A.! Can’t wait. 🙂

  169. The reading in NYC was awesome and it was an honor to meet you! Thank you for making it happen. And you are right, you did it like you were good at it. Word.

  170. I would absolutely LOVE to, but the time you’re in my area is the day before I get back from a long overdue vacation. How much bribery is too much bribery to convince you to stay in Florida an extra day, and possibly visit Orlando?

  174. I had a twelve hour day at grad school yesterday, and when I got home your book was ready and waiting on the couch. Well, okay, not ready…it was still in the package because my husband knows how much I live for opening packages that come in the mail…but it was waiting! I started reading it right away instead of all the not-fun assignments I SHOULD have been doing. Because it’s much better than reading about Aboriginal children who were taken from the families permanently by the government. Which is a really not-funny topic, except perhaps in instances when one (not naming names here *cough* me *cough) accidentally says “try to understand the missionary position” in front of a classroom full of other students and a professor instead of something logical like “missionary point of view” or “missionary perspective.”

  176. You should totally stop at Fort Campbell. I promise I’ll be there.

  177. Juanita is actually a look I could pull off. I find myself often in that stance. Plus I have an apron.

  178. I am SO bummed I can’t see you when you come to the San Francisco area! I’m very happy it is going well so far. Hugs!

  180. I looked at your tour dates and was bummed you aren’t coming to South Carolina, but I totally understand. People would be all “bless your heart” and then call you names for bringing a dead weasel into their book store. So I bought all versions available of your book, Hardback, Nook and Audio in support of your decision not to venture into this land of shrimp, grits and sweet tea so sweet most people here loose all their teeth. Oh wait, that’s Georgia….nevermind.

  181. I adore you book so far. I would have finished reading it had I not kept busting out into giggles at the most inappropriate times. My husband is also amused as I give him updates on what I’ve read.

  184. Thank you so much for writing an amazingly awesome book. I laughed so hard my face turned red and my sides hurt and I couldn’t breathe…kind of like when the PE teacher in 3rd grade made the class run a mile and then announced our times for all to hear and mine was like 13 minutes and I wondered why I didn’t just walk because it would have been just as fast but less “Holy Mother of God, I can’t breathe”…except this was the best kind of not being able to breathe. I should come up with better comparisons. Because that was just bad. Wait, probably this is the ONLY good kind of not being able to breathe.

    And I was so jealous when I saw the freaking GENIUSES that were smart enough to get the e-book at 1201 am. Why am I never that smart? I tried to be patient because I pre-ordered, but my patience only lasted long enough yesterday for me to pull in the drive-way and NOT see a box, so I downloaded the e-book before I even got out of the car. And I don’t feel even the teeniest amount of guilt about buying it for myself twice. It was totally worth it and when the actual book shows up…I’m going to read it again.

  186. I totally wish you were coming closer to alabama for your signings. Although I’d have to buy the hard copy because I dont think it’s a good idea to scribble on a dell streak. But then again, I’d probably get u to do it anyway because u rock!

  187. I would SO come see you, if you were coming anywhere near southeastern Wisconsin 🙂

  189. Did you have any doubt you’d be reading to packed houses? I didn’t. While waiting for my coffee order one morning I overheard a woman say, “And she just bought a stuffed weasel. She’s so cool.” I turned her and said, “The Bloggess, right?” We bonded immediately, much to the confusion on the guy standing with her. Best of luck on your tour. I wish you were coming to Minnesota.
    Fondly,

  190. Congrats, very exciting! Just bought my e-copy and am reading on my iPad as I type this — okay on a break from reading it, looking forward to the porn-ier later chapters!

    Very exciting!

  191. Got my copy in the mail today – so excited to read and so excited for you!

  192. Please, please, nice lady, come to the Regulator Bookshop in Durham, NC. I will guarantee you that at least a LOT of people will come see you read, and I will entertain you with…uh…a custom dance and a song I will have written just for you (be careful: it might be a rap or a ballad. There’s really no telling.). I have a lacquered frog nailed to a tiny board that I intend to use as a prop.

  193. You thanking us??? That’s exactly why We love YOU. Congratulations, Jenny. Sorry I couldn’t come to the City (for those who don’t know NYC) to see you but it was a bad day for chronic pain and auto immune illnesses. I would have, however, brought you extra xanax if you had needed it. You did GREAT!!!!!!! I’m so proud of you. You make us all a little happier. What’s not to love? Love Laurie @hibernationnow.wordpress.com

  195. I wish I could have been there! I’m so glad it went well. Come back to NY (and not in the middle of my Psychopathology class – irony, eh?)!

  196. I wish you were coming to Boise! (It’s in Idaho. Idaho is next to Oregon and Washington – no really, you’d be surprised who all has no clue that Idaho is part of the US!) 😉

    Thanks for being so brave to do these book signings. It really is amazing. And I can’t wait to get your book! 🙂

  197. omg, so my husband is totally in Lewisville TX right now until next week on business and I’m totally mailing my book (your book!) to him so he can come to the Dallas signing and get it signed for me. but can you please sign his first because he doesn’t understand why I love your writing so much, and he will probably be cranky because I’m asking him to do an errand for me from 475 miles away….and, well, you understand.
    Right? =)

  200. Ive just finished reading your entire book in about 4 hours and it was absolutely the most awesome book I’ve ever read! I read constantly and have NEVER EVER read anything that has made me laugh out loud like your book did! I have it on my Kindle and will now be buying it in hardback so that I’ll have it forever. Thank you SO SO SO much for finding the confidence and courage to share your story with us and for making all of us feel a little less alone! You’ve got a follower to life!

    Soak up every second of this awesome time, you’ve earned it and deserve it more than anyone!

    Xoxo from Denver

  202. Congratulations, Jenny. Your reading was fantastic, truly. Hurry up and write another book. I don’t want to wait 10 years to read it. I mean, my Kindle will be totally out of date and I’ll be all “KIDS TODAY!” and no one needs to hear that. Great, now I’m all wrist-slashy.

  203. OK, i know wasn’t the ONLY person babbling incoherently last night, trying to tell you how much I LOVE you and your hilariously off-kilter take on life as we know it. (i was the one who asked you about william shatner (and the totally amazing act of courage it is for someone with chronic anxiety to even contemplate a book tour — by the way, you ROCKED your first reading! I also gave you the slapped-together Juanita and Jean Louise puppets for you to fan yourself with in that packed B&N room.) Anyway, I think I may have forgotten to say THANKS for all the giggles (and even the tears). Oh, and here’s more proof of your awesomeness: not only did you take the time to sign books for an entire roomful of people, but you personalized them and posed for picture after picture, smiling and chatting amiably with every single fan. After you signed my two books, I went to the shoe store across the street and then had dinner at Shake Shack, only to pass by B&N again at 9:20 to see you finally emerging from the bookstore, STILL SMILING, after TWO HOURS of signing books. I totally wanted to go up to you again and gush all over again, but decided that was too stalkery. Enjoy this whole experience. You totally deserve all the good things coming your way.

  204. Jenny –

    I was so excited to hear that you were in my neighborhood, only like three blocks from my house! But you must not have gotten my message, because I like TOTALLY invited you over to have dinner. See, I didn’t find out you were at the B&N on the Upper East Side until like WAY too late to get a babysitter for the kids, and then I had a brainstorm – I should just invite you over for dinner! Brilliant, right? Yeah I know. I mean, you’re nearby, you’re away from home, and I know how it’s super hard to find comfort food at a restaurant, and you probably want a home cooked meal anyway, and besides, you’re a mom, so you’re used to eating meals with kids interrupting you while you’re trying to have a grown-up conversation, and I also have a cat who likes to walk across the table while we’re all eating. And did I mention that there is not one, not two, but five wine stores in a three block radius AND THEY DELIVER? So I left a message, and then I figured you must be coming because your mother raised you right and if you weren’t coming, you’d have politely declined my invitation. I waited, and waited, and finally, I gave the kids their dinner, and put yours in the oven to stay warm. I figured you probably got stuck in traffic (that damn Second Avenue Subway construction makes it impossible to get across 86th Street…). Anyway, I’m totally bummed that I didn’t get to meet you at B&N, and can’t wait to read your book! Best of luck on the rest of your tour, and next time you’re coming to New York, give me a little advance notice so that I can defrost your dinner for you.

    P.S., I had leftovers, so there’s plenty for Victor if you want to invite him too. I would totally understand if you didn’t want to bring him, and I would promise not to tell him that we had dinner without him, though.

    P.P.S., I know my blog posts aren’t as funny as yours (actually, they’re about my artwork, and they aren’t funny at all), but your commenting engine lets me attach my most reason blog post so I figured, what the heck.

  205. At least after my phenomenally insane day, I came home to find my book. It has to be better when I can read chapters titled “Jenkins, You Motherfucker” and “My Vagina is Fine. Thanks for Asking.”

  206. I would love to come to the book reading/signing here in Los Angeles, but I just can’t swing the “entry fee” that Writer’s Bloc is charging, so I will just purchase my copy from my trusty Amazon website and blow a kiss eastward when I get it. If I’m really ambitious, I might just post a picture. On Twitter. *big grin*

    Best of luck with all the signings! I look forward to reading it!

  207. Was totally glad I could be there last night. The reading was amazing—and props to the girl who asked about Zombie Action Plan tips. And the women with the hat.

    I doubt you know this, but I overheard the Barnes & Noble employee talking while we were waiting to go up and she told someone that the crowd was one of the most fun ones she had ever worked. She thought we were awesome.

    PS. YOU were the awesome one. 😀

  208. So proud of you! Facing all those people? You’re a rock star, Jenny Lawson. And my hero. I was going to say “heroine” but that gets confused with “heroin” and you’re not really like smack or anything. I can quit you any time I want. Really. I could just take your blog off my feed if I wanted to. I just don’t want to. That’s all. I just don’t want to. And no one make me. Don’t call A&E or anything. It’s cool, man. I’m cool.

  209. Congratulations Ms Bloggess!! For all the laughter and inspiration you’ve given your readers, you definitely deserve all the good that is coming your way.

  210. I’m hella impressed that you got up in front of that crowd and did a reading. I’m waiting on the arrival of my book (Barnes and Noble better HURRY UP) and can NOT wait to read it.

    PS…if I bring it to BlogHer’12, will you sign it?

  211. Thank YOU for bringing Juanita Weasel and letting me hold her!

    Seriously I am DEAD now.

    -The Girl Dressed up as Juanita Weasel

  212. I kinda freaked out today because B&N sent me a note that was all, “This book’s release date has changed!” and then later they were like, “Just kidding! We shipped it.”

    CONGRATS!

    Also, you still need to come to Atlanta.

  213. I am so glad that I made it to the signing last night. It was the most ridiculously complicated trip, but sooooo worth it. Thank you, Jenny. Thank you for being you…for inspiring me and making me believe that I am okay, just the way I am…for writing this amazing book that I haven’t been able to stop reading…for putting on a great reading/signing…for signing my book…for saying that you liked the bracelet I made…and for everything. Seriously. You kick so much ass.

  214. I don’t know if you will see this since there are a kajillion other posts, but I had to tell you YOUR BOOK CAME IN THE MAIL YESTERDAY!!! And even though I haven’t finished the entire thing yet, I have already decided: BEST. BOOK. EVER!!!!! So good that I started reading as soon as I got it. Out loud. To my daughter. (Don’t worry, she’s nineteen, so I’m not like warping my child or anything. At least not anymore.) Then some time around midnight I woke up and remembered that your book was actually there in my house so I got up to read some more. So now I’m seriously tired because instead of sleeping I was reading and laughing and almost crying because I won’t be able to go to the book signing and meet you. So, sorry for rambling, but thank you for the most amazing book I’ve ever read!

  215. I’d love to see you. But you aren’t anywhere near me. I did buy your book today. I thought about Kindle, but I decided that I really wanted hardcover. There is something happy about a hardcover.

  216. I WISH I could have come to NYC. Alas, day 7 at my new job prevented it.

    That first photo shocked me for one reason. There seems to be an empty seat in it? I would have knocked down a grandmother to get a seat at your reading.

    Congrats on the book, the reading, and inspiring cosplay. I think it’s official, you’re funnier than the Bible. Now just come on up to Boston whenever you have a sec.

  217. OMFG! I’m reading, laughing and peeing my pants. Good thing I had the foresight to buy stock in Kimble Clark, the maker of depends. I already have friends clamoring to borrow my copy but they can’t have it, because it has a signature label. My husband sneaks it into the bathroom. Bad hubby.

    Love you!

  218. I ordered your book & I suspect it’s sitting waiting for me at my po box! Can’t wait to read it!

    I wish with all my heart I could come see you tomorrow but I can’t afford it. So I’ll send you happy vibes while you’re in my town instead.

    So glad for you & looking forward to reading!

  219. I’m so excited for you!
    I would go to every city if I could. And I’m still hopeful you’ll come to Kansas City.
    And I know one day I will get to see you in person. Until then, WOLVERINES!!!

  221. I bought the book last night and have been laughing my ASS off…Thank YOU for sharing and for being you!

  223. I’m totally coming to your Houston book signing. I took off work specifically to be there as soon as you posted the dates. I’m very socially awkward, though, so please forgive my probably off=the-wall comment before it happens.

  224. Thank you so much for coming to NYC!!! I’m so happy I was able to sneak out of work early (and not get caught) to make it. You did an amazing job!
    And thank you for bringing Juanita and Copernicus. I hope they had a good time too.

    P.S. I’m sad I had to leave during the signing part. My boyfriend can attest that I was crying because I had to go meet someone who is obviously not as cool and badass as you.

  225. I became so impatient waiting for my book to be delivered that I ordered it in my kindle. Now i have my hardcover with the bookplate and a digital copy! I finished the book today and my stomach hurts from laughing. I loved your book. I relate so much to your anxiety issues. I have ths same ones. Thank you for having the courage to write this amazing book. I didnt think I could like you more because I love your blog, but I completey do!

  227. Dear Jenny, I just know you want to venture up to the area known for its blue grass, its horses, bourbon, and William Shatner’s current residence for your SECOND book tour? I have Ativan. I’ll share.

  228. Awesomeness.

    Raleigh, NC, please. Or Durham. Or even Charlotte. Okay? Pllllleeeeeeeeaaaaasssseee!?!?

  229. I wasn’t able to go to the reading yesterday, so I read the book to my husband in the car instead. He later advised me that maniacle laughter was not condusive to driving.

  230. While I’m only a quarter of the way through your book I have not stopped laughing. Out loud. While my boyfriend fails to sleep next to me and gets increasingly annoyed at my fits of laughter. But I don’t care. Because you’re awesome and your life is awesome and you make an anxiety disorder as funny as I always wanted it to be.

    Please bring your tour to Canada!! I will pay you! In compliments because I’m broke. But they’ll be awesome compliments and completely worth it!!!

  231. Umm. There is a Midwest area of the country. Please tell your agents,publishers, marketing gurus, whoever, that lots of us in the Midwest actually do read, do read your blog, will buy your book and would love to see you and hear you in person.

  232. Boston? Please? Pretty please?

    The book hasn’t come yet, but I’m waiting. I’m so glad the first reading went so well. I don’t know how you gathered the courage to face a crowd of strangers, but I hope they stopped being strangers very soon, and became your friends. One of my internet friends in San Francisco will be coming to see you when you get that far. She and her husband have decided to bring your puppets and hold them in front of their faces so there will be something familiar for you to look at.

  233. I just bought my copy. And my ‘bought’ I mean that I stole it from some poor schmuck coming out of the local bookstore. Sorry it took me so long.

  237. Still trying to decide if I’m coming to your book signing in Austin even though I’m not fond of crowds. But if I do I may come dressed as something completely unexpected. Like a towel with “Motherfucker” monogrammed on it.

    (Loving the book BTW. I’ve been reading it on my Kindle Cloud Reader in my cube at work so it looks like I’m totally working when my boss walks by).

  238. My apron’s in the wash.

    And the mushroom boobie fairies will NOT uplift themselves if I leave.

    So you will have to accept my WOOTS! from Nu Zillans.

    P.S. Have you ever thought about having your groundwater tested?

  239. it feels like the night before christmas over here in los angeles! looking forward to your book signing.

    i’m hoping i can take a picture with you? it’s for research.

  240. Fantastically fabulous! And I am thrilled to see Copernicus is traveling with you! I do wish you would come to Minnesota!

  242. Look at you, you brave, brave woman! Seriously–you should feel damn good about that.

  243. LOVE the costumed fan! That’s the best!

    Copernicus looks like he needs a little lovin’. Give him a hug from me, please.

  245. whatever you do, don’t tell my editor I might be late on my deadline writing MY book cuz I’m too busy reading (and luv’n) YOURS. Fabulous!! Seriously people just buy it!

  246. I saw your book in an store window tonight and now it’s mine! My son covets Copernicus…

  248. PEOPLE – Buy the audio book – it’s WAY better to hear it read straight from the horses mouth (not whore’s mouth – don’t take that the wrong way). I cackled my ass off all day at work today and I’m only halfway through – I’m saving the rest for work tomorrow – I CAN’T WAIT TO GO TO WORK!!! I will never say that again.

  249. I discovered you only 2 days ago, and, except for your book, I might have already read everything you’ve ever written (that’s available to the public). I immediately sent a link to your blog to everyone I know, so I think it’s safe to say that you have me to thank for all the copies of your book that sold since it hit the shelves! All I ask in return is that you make your way to Alabama soon so you can sign mine!! 😉

  251. I would *SO* come and see you, if only you were coming here.
    Instead, I celebrated by buying your book today! I’d like to report for you that it was on a display table atop a stack of others just like it, and that my local big bookstore had 147 copies in stock – that’s a pretty big order!
    Congrats, Jenny – this is amazing, and so deserved.

  252. Thank you for making RA not such a scary, lonely topic. Thank you for replying to my email about partnering with the STX division of the Arthritis Foundation. Even though you’re insanely busy. It made my day. I can’t wait to see you next week in Houston – you remind me why I go to work every morning. Can we find a cure for this shitty disease already?

  253. Thanks so much for stopping by New York, Jenny! Now I am equipped with a very useful “What Not to Do List” if I ever I decide I want to make my antidepressants work better.

  254. I took my nook to school today hoping I could ignore some boring lectures on how to remove stool from a constipated person and read your book that BN claims was out yesterday and I still can’t read it. Sigh. Maybe tomorrow.

  258. So so so happy for you!! It must feel like a dream!!! Gives all of us other aspiring writers a bit o’ hope to cling to!!! (((Enjoy it all)))

  260. I got your book in the mail yesterday and read it straight through, and _man_, I wish you were coming to NC (Quail Corners used to be a good place for book signings). Although if you did come, I wouldn’t make a good Juanita. Maybe I could fake a passable Copernicus-the-Homicidal-Monkey…

  261. How do I well up when I read this? I’ve read you for only a few months and I don’t really even know you.

    But you’re an inspiration. For all of us with disorders or who perhaps have confusing and frustrating lives…you are an amazing person and I’m proud to know you at least in this small way.

  264. Congrats Jenny. I am so happy for you. Please come to Seattle, we have trolls that live under bridges, naked bicycle races, and bumbershoots. We could have a slumber party at my house, drink midnight margharita’s and visit the best place in the city —Ye Olde Curiousity Shoppe–they have a collection of shrunken heads and a mummy. I know shrunken heads are not the same as taxidermied rodents in aprons and a mummy is not nearly as cool as a five foot tall metal chicken named Beyonce. But they also have jumping beans and fudge. Where else in the world can you view a collection of shrunken heads, buy jumping beans, and EAT fudge all in the same place??? This place has Jenny Lawson written all over it.

    Anyway–to the moon girl you deserve it. And if you are ever in Seattle I’ll have a couple Xanax and a bottle of whiskey waiting for you.

  265. Crap. I really hope you somehow find out how to do the time warp and squeeze in a stop in Atlanta (or thereabouts?) I don’t even live there, but seriously, I’m going to be close by there for a freaking week and it’s *KILLING* me that you don’t have a book-tour-stop there. (I do keep checking back to see if it’s been added. That’s not stalking, is it???)

    Congrats. I can hardly wait to read the book. I’ve almost died laughing from reading many of your posts, so I know it’s going to rock! You’re awesome (even without your taxidermy critters!!!)

  266. Thank *you*, for writing a kick ass book that’s funnier than the Bible! Amazon promises me I will receive mine by 30 May, because they are apparently sending it via taxidermied sloth mail, but nonetheless I am very excited and plan to camp by the letterbox until it arrives.

  268. I was so happy to be there. You were magnificent! My Texan friend Helen couldn’t go, and was so envious when I showed her my book this morning. I promised her she gets it next when i’m done!

  269. I am SO sad. You’re going to be in LA tomorrow and I can’t be there because I have a mandatory prior engagement. But I finished reading the book today and now I’m even more sad that I can’t meet you because you are awesome and I love you in a totally not awkward way.

  271. Kindle tells me i’m 46% through the book. I love it so much. I hurt myself from laughing at the stanley the squirrel story. Wish i could come see you but i’m in ireland. that kind of dedication to you would be creepy i think.

  272. If you come to London, England, I promise to turn up in a red ballgown then donate it to the travelling red dress.

  273. Jenny,
    I love your book so much. I was reading excerpts of it to my mom tonight, and she kept having to get up to use the facilities, we were both laughing so hard. The funny thing is, we both relate to some of the stories. We had running water most of the time when I was a kid, but sometimes my mom couldn’t afford to pay the electricity bill, or the water bill, and so we would pretend to go camping, and my swimming pool wasn’t a pig’s swimming pool, but the cattle did use it as a restroom. I swam here before I was old enough to care about that fact, back when the only thing that we judged a pool (or man-made pond, as it were) by was whether or not it had a rope to jump from, and no scary irrigation pump at the bottom. We also swam in frog egg infested ponds. Oh, and the first time my fiance met my second cousin, Steve, he had tried to shake hands with my fiance with a gloved hand, which had previously been elbow deep in a cow’s butt. Also, thank you for the bookplate. And I wish you would come to Seattle. I really want to meet you!
    (why don’t I ever blog this stuff?! it’s better than my book reviews (PS, yours is getting raves when I’m done, if I can stop laughing long enough to finish)

  274. Did you REALLY expect otherwise from your fans, you silly thing? We all think you’re absolutely wonderful. 😀 I hope that somebody at one of your next tour stops brings you those zebra eggs.

  275. I’m really glad that your book reading turned out so well.. but I was sure it would be great, regardless of what you may think. We love you & all that you are. As others have mentioned, I wish you could have made a trip closer to me, but I know you can’t be everywhere. How amazing are those people that showed up, and the girl that dressed up for you?!

    My book hasn’t arrived yet.. it’s scheduled to arrive on Friday (tomorrow). I just finished the book I was reading, last night. So I’m set. But, we are sadly leaving on an unexpected trip tomorrow morning, before the book will arrive, and it will have to sit and wait until we get back. =( I really could have used the distraction for this trip too.. cancer sucks, and took the life of an aunt that was only 7 years older than hubby & myself. I’ll be looking forward to reading next week.

  276. Stupid Pacific Ocean. If I had a kayak as suggested on Google maps, I’d totally paddle over :o)

  278. I love your blog, and as a struggling writer (struggling with life in general) your blog is so uplifiting and inspiring! I cannot wait to buy your book, and I wish your book tour was bringing you closer to where I am. Best of luck!

  280. I so wish you were coming somewhere in the Nashville vicinity.

    I bought the book yesterday and have pretty much ignored all housekeeping and parental responsibilities so I could read it. (Also? When I was in Books-a-Million buying it, they had all their copied hidden way in the back in the biography section. So I moved them to the New Arrivals table up front. Clearly someone there needs to be fired.)

  282. In the same week you went on a book tour and found a magical. boobie. mushroom. Yes, definitely don’t throw yourself in front of a car!
    I already posted once about how excited I am about the book, but this was worth another comment – my 70-something mother in law LOVES the book. (She was babysitting and I’d left it for her to nibble on…) As soon as we walked in the door, she pounced on me and said, “This is HYSTERICAL. Of course, there is a dark side to my sense of humor…” And then she proceeded to start telling me about a part of it, but I had to stop her, since I haven’t seen page 1 yet! She was enjoying it so much that I let her take it home to finish before I’ve even cracked it open, but if need be, I will buy the Kindle version. Proof that a) I love my mother in law, and b) your audience is ageless!

  284. As a new reader to your blog, I am honoured to have had the opportunity to meet you and purchase your book!
    Have a great tour =)

    Also, I SEE ME, well, only a a part of the back of my head … but man .. I made it on to The Bloggess, my life is complete.

  285. I kept my husband awake half the night with my cackling. Love your book. Got your bookplate, too.

    Thank you!

  286. I was trying to type that I am loving your book but it started out as ooa oa and I don’t know what that means but it’s obviously a secret code. And I am seriously withdrawing from Cymbalta right now so punctuation and grammar are too hard with all the sounds my eyeballs are making when they move. But anywho… you. are. awesome. Oh! and I have a question about the bullsnake pretending to be a rattlesnake. How/why???

  287. If you were coming even close to me I would be there. Finished your book the day it was released. Was spoken to by my 17 y/o son that books don’t make you actually laugh out loud and to knock it off. He was not amused when he walked in the room and saw tears streaming down my face. I’m trying to decide if I should encourage him to read it…

  288. Oh, Jenny. I am so thrilled for you, and love the book with all my heart. Please come to the upper Midwest. I will bring you nachos, I promise.

  289. Bah! You’re just like a big name band who only hits the major cities on her stadium tour. Where’s the Pittsburgh date?? Pittsburgh has people! I’ve seen them! I AM them!

  290. I’ve already finished the book. It was fabulous! I stopped reading another (sub-par) book so I could read it! You’ve had such an amazing journey 🙂 Best of luck on the book tour! And PLEASE stop by Baltimore. There’s a lot of software engineers with a literary crush on you here!

  291. no, thank YOU for writing!
    and of course, here is my plea to come somewhere relatively close to the Midwest… 🙂

  292. OMG, congratulations! I was so excited to see all those people there for you when I opened my RSS feeds this morning. My copy of the book is scheduled to arrive tomorrow 4/20…it’s like a cosmic sign. Maybe. Yes? No…just kidding! Haha… ANYWAY. I can’t wait to read it. I’ve only recently discovered your blog (circa Beyonce’s appearance) and have been a fan ever since. I tell everyone I know about you and initiate them into your world with Beyonce’s story. BEST. BLOG. EVER. Thank you for sharing your life…you bring joy and laughter to mine. All the best!

  293. I bought your book the day it came out, and I’m only on page 50 but I have already laughed myself silly several times. I’ve been desperately searching for things to make me laugh, and as much as I love Eddie Izzard, I’ve seen him too many times to give him the giant belly laugh he deserves. Thank you for your book – I’m loving it!!

  295. I got my book today. My husband sneakily bought it for me. I am so happy. Now I just need to convince my medical school that taking a 2 day sabbatical to read it is worth while. Perhaps I can somehow link it to cardiology. It’s just too bad that I’ve already finished my psych courses. I could have considered it research and wrote a paper.

    xoxo

  296. I’m proud of you. ‘Cause reading aloud to that many grown ups makes me sweat in unlady-like places, and maybe pee in my shoes just a little.

  298. Already finished the book. It made me laugh out loud! Unfortunately, I am not a clever person, so all I can say, unhilariously, is that I truly enjoyed it. And identified with alot of it….

  299. This is so exciting! I’m still holding out for my desk-sized Beyonce, though. My desk is all set up in my new house and everything. *Sniff*

  300. I’m super excited. I ordered books for my sister and me. She’ll owe me for forever after introducing her to the glory of The Bloggess. Every day, I rush home looking for that package on the front porch. A better person would have ordered her book months ago, but procrastinating is my very best thing.

    The only thing that would make this better is if you did a book signing in the DC area, so I could have a SIGNED copy of your book!

    Just something to consider 🙂

  301. Your amazing and your reading was amazing! And what’s even cooler is that I’m in this picture!!! SCORE, Surprise souvenir! I’m the Jenny that you inspired to wear my own red dress and I’m so glad that I did because right after I left I stopped in the Sephora next door and one of the employees asked if I would be interested in doing some modeling for her look book (she’s a private make-up artist as well) She told me the reason she approached me was because not many people have the confidence to pull off reddish hair and a red dress, and I in turn give all the credit to you! Good luck on the rest of your book tour I know you’ll be fabulous 😀

  302. I wish you were coming anywhere close to me, so I could come hear you read,and see Copernicus and Juanita (see, I’m just impressed that Beyonce didn’t come with too)

  303. I love your book so much I would make babies with it. Ya know, if that sort of thing were possible.

  304. This makes me kinda want to happy cry. You deserve it! Congratulations! I got my copy on Tuesday and it’s delightfully, awesomely wonderful and weird.

  305. Totally wish I lived close to a book signing! As it is I just have to be happy with the fact that my book is on it’s way, should arrive today and I already got my autograph sticker to put on the inside cover! 🙂

  306. I wish I could make it to one of your book readings and signings!! Dont have the funds to travel with two kiddos at the moment though and your not visiting AZ. 🙁 I would LOVE to meet you. CONGRATS on all this. Got my copy of your book yesterday in the mail and scared my dog when I opened it because I screamed in delight! LOL! Excited to start reading it today.

  308. Just had to let you know that I took your book to the gym with me this morning. I spit water all over the elliptical machine when I read about the giant labia as a throw blanket. You need to warn people!
    Seriously though, I’m enjoying it thoroughly. Good luck on the tour!

  309. I just want you to know that my husband and I now have story time every night in bed- because I just lay there readin your book snorting and crying until he gives in and lets me read to him out loud. AS IF HE COULD STOP ME! Last night was the GPS chapter and he looks at me and says ” Seriously, you MUST be related to this woman!” Which I take as a compliment of the highest order. Thank you for the funniest,saddest, most bittersweet and jacked up loveliness on a page that I believe I’ve ever seen. I have never laughed so hard while my heart was breaking. You are my heroine. Like that I look up to, not that I shoot in my veins… I don’t like needles.

  310. Got to work this morning to find my copy of YOUR BOOK in a box from Amazon. I am SOOOO excited and wondering how I am going to get through the rest of my work day! YAY! Good luck on the tour and I can’t wait to start reading!!!

  311. I was SO excited when I saw that you were coming to Miami on your book tour…and then I realized that the day you are coming is the day I am going out of town for my first blog conference. I am still crying. 🙁

  312. I am now going to be the 5th person to comment on this thread and lament how you are not coming to Seattle. Seattle would LOVE to have you! Seriously. You can go to the Fremont Market after your reading and maybe find a friend for Juanita (http://www.fremontmarket.com/SplashMay.html)! OR take pictures with the Fremont Troll (I bet he is so cranky because he needs a red dress)! Or SOMETHING!

    Mostly I’m just lamenting how I had my copy of your book shipped to the wrong address. Because I ordered it after a bottle of wine. Whoops. And your book tour stopping here would be super boss, and totally make up for it, and tide me over while I wait for my copy to come to me. 🙂

  313. I send you tons and tons of super congratulatory vibes. FEEL THEM?!?! Yeah… Really though, I love this book so much that I can’t put it down, but everytime I flip a page, a tinge of sadness hits BECAUSE IT’S ONE LESS PAGE. I’ve been reading it at my desk, and I’m pretty sure my co-workers think I’m mildly psychotic for loudly snortlaughing every 5 minutes. It’s better that way, probably.
    Seriously, congratulations on your wonderful accomplishments, and have a great time on your book tour!

  314. I just got your book in the mail! I am so incredibly excited to read it. It could not have come at a better time…having a pretty turdalicious week and could use the distraction. I plan to sit on my back patio with a nice big glass of vodka on the rocks (with a splash of lime, of course) and read away!

  316. I would like to make a statement for the record. I really DO NOT LIKE IT that I an unable to LIKE these comments. You people just reek of AWESOME…

    That is all.

  317. I have your book in my sweaty little hands!!!! I’m going to slap the book plate on, tuck in the email with the picture of the coolest unicorn bike ever that you answered (thank you!!!) and start reading!!! Hope nobody expects dinner because that’s so NOT going to happen!!! Know any place that delivers wine slushees??? You just ROCK girl!

  319. I’d love to come to one of your readings, but the flight from Germany to America might just be a tad too long (not to mention expensive).
    But I’d pre-ordered your book, and today I got a mail from Amazon, telling me that they’d sent it off today.
    So I should be able to close my greedy little paws around it day after tomorrow at the latest.
    Yay! Can’t wait to start reading it.

  320. well, dang. i can’t read your book any more because on page 3 i was laughing so hard my eyes were full of tears and i could no longer make out words correctly. plus my tummy hurt – first ab exercises in QUITE a while. can’t wait to finish it!!! although it may kill me; totally worth it.

  321. I usually say something smart-alecky, but right now I just want to say HOLY SHITBALLS! When you looked arond that room and realized that REAL PEOPLE are fans….well. That’s always a real moment, isn’t it? Kudos for having the huge hairy balls to do “IT”. I know that it wasn’t easy (hence the 10 years it took). But SrSlY? Congrats!!

  322. Bought your book today and can’t put it down. Of course, I didn’t realize that the bookplate was a self-stick, so I decided to use a glue stick to put it on. Then I glued it to the very first page when you open the hard back cover and I realized that I didn’t want it THERE; I wanted it on the title page. So I peeled it off, tried to rub the glue off and then glued it to the title page. Then I saw the little tab and started peeling and guess what???? YOUR BOOKPLATE IS SELF-STICK!

    So, I peeled it off and stuck it over the glue stick on the title page….

    I. Am. Hopeless. But loving your book! Congratulations on drawing a crowd. I hope you sell a million copies!

  325. Amazing. I got a little teary eyed when I saw you sitting in front of your books. I’m extremely happy for you! Enjoy your book tour:) I wish I lived in Texas still so I could see you on tour, or somewhere near a location. If you ever come to Peoria, IL I want to know!! Lots of love to you, Jenny…

  326. THANK YOU!
    Seriously, thank you so much. My husband (who believes he is a Victor analogue) and I are really excited about seeing you in Corte Madera tomorrow. I know I will feel too shy and too spazzed out to say anything tomorrow – and I know you may never get around to reading this but I wanted to tell you thank you. So much. There are so many days that I get through because I visit your web page and I feel less scared and lonely (and more weird, but in a good we are all weird together kind of way). I think you are awesome and hilarious and generous and a force for good in the universe and I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

    pee ess – me and my friends wanted to all show up wearing fancy red dresses but I’m coming straight from work and I can’t handle being fancy all damn day while in a law office.

  328. Exhausted! I got no sleep last two nights as I stayed up reading your wonderfully fabulous book. Freakin hilarious! My husband told me to quit reading him sections as he will just read the whole thing when I am done. Congrats!

  329. A good friend of mine gets frustrated with her work (understandably, they’re idiots) and I thought, well what could I do other than be there for her? Oh! I know! Buy her Ms.Lawson’s book. So, while I’m patiently waiting for my pre-order to arrive, I’ve got hers in my hands with my drool all over it. I kept glancing between pages and reading things out loud to her. She couldn’t quite grasp the insanity until I mentioned you get over a million views a month. 😀

  330. Got your book today – amazing, Amazon told me it shipped yesterday!!!! And I put the signed sticky thing in it – thank you. I read the first few pages and identify. That’s all. I’m proud of you.

  331. Got my copy in the mail today. I can’t tell you how excited I am about this. I’m so not pretending this never happened. It happened, and I’m glad it did!

  332. I am busy reading your book on my nook and loving every word! I am enjoying the fact that I laugh out loud!!! Thanks for writing your story!

  333. WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYY isn’t your book tour coming to Chicago?????????? Husband has already located your book and is picking it up in the morning. Chicago needs you. BTW – loved that HP recognized your brilliance today.

  334. So very happy for you and your incredible journey! I just got my copy of your book(and read it all today). I laughed, I cried, it moved me, Bob. It inspired me to tell my husband I prefer his poison to a stranger’s poison because his poison = better food. It also inspired me to draw my own personal version of Harold the hungover unicorn. I’m not in any way an artist, but I felt it needed to be done, so I did. So, thank you, Jenny, for including me as a part of your wonderful life journey.

  335. Got my copy yesterday, just wanted to tell you that my husband made me put it down after a little while because I was having trouble breathing, I was laughing so hard. You’re simply brilliant.

  336. So I’m reading the book right now, and I got to the part of the chapter that’s a post-it and I read page 64 and started running back into the house because that MUST be what it feels like to be my husband with all the anxiety and such. And then I realized that he was already in bed and decided not to wake him because I got him out of bed last night to look at a huge fucking moth on our window. He was impressed with the bug but less impressed with the waking. I’ll show him tomorrow.

    Anyway. Love the book, congrats on the tour, and sorry I’m such a lazy bitch that I couldn’t make it down to Book People to see you. I wish I had an excuse, but really, outside of hating Austin traffic I’ve got nothing.

  337. Yippee! Yippee!! You are doing it woman!! Congrats on the first book reading!! Congrats on keeping that smile on your face even when you might feel like you want to run and hide away from all the people! Wish I could be there but the tour is just too far away. Patiently (okay, I’m not) waiting for my book to arrive. Fingers crossed it is today! YOU ROCK!

  338. I’m more than halfway through the book now, and was laughing so hard I practically peed myself during the chapter about high school and the trip you took with the guys to the barn (No spoilers!). Problem was, I was on Metro, so while I was trying to stifle full laughter I’m sure I looked like I was crying. But it’s OK, because everyone on the train was a stranger.

  339. I am seriously jealous of every single person who gets to go to your book signing. I was hoping you’d come to the Chicago *hint hint* but alas us poor schmucks in the midwest miss out!

    P.S. Good luck and so happy for you!

    P.P.S. Is that how you spell schmucks? Or is it scmucks? Smucks?

  341. It was so awesome to finally see you, get a book signed and get to tell you how awesome you are in person. Thank YOU for coming out, braving the elements and sharing yourself.

  342. your book should come in the post on Monday – but why can’t you come visit us up North in flyover country?!?!?!?!

  344. I came with the Juanita Weasel look alike and made you promise to never buy your daughter a skateboard. I still approve of the trampoline idea though. Thanks for coming to NYC! It was lovely to meet you!

  347. I was there at the First signing! I was the one who told you about the 12 foot tall Beyonce I saw in Maryland. I don’t have a picture because my family didn’t immediately stop like they should have! *sigh*

    But I digress. I enjoy your blog IMMENSELY. And I love your book. I read both the Beyonce chapter and the chapter you read at the book signing to my therapist. She was laughing so hard that I wanted to say she was on the floor in hysterics. I almost died saying the part about the likelihood Thomas Edison pooped out his own colon. I was dying. She was dying. A WHOLE LOT of laughter-induced dying going on.

    I think the repetition of “Thomas Edison pooped out his own colon” was fuckin’ hysterical! I’m still laughing just writing this. Anyway, HUGS! And don’t let Nathan Fillion get you down too much. I think Brian Boitano doing ANYTHING is enough for me to go “HOLY SHIT IT’S BRIAN BOITANO HOLDING UP AN ICE CREAM SANDWICH WITH TONGS. !!!!” And scene!

  348. Thank you! For being awesome, and making me tear up at my desk at work. Seriously, I have been following you forever, in a non-creepy-like-to-read-your-blog kind of way, like years, and seeing what you have gone through, and having your writing pay off, makes me so happy! I do really wish you would stop procrastinating and come to Victoria though. There is a huge back deck with margaritas and BBQ waiting for you. I also really enjoyed watching you tell CNN that that Romney chicks personal life is a not a news item. But seriously, bring the book tour to Victoria!
    L.

  350. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the great times I’ve had reading your book. (I’ve had some fun giggle-offs with my 1 year old daugther who laughs back at me when I laugh at your book while I’m nursing. We don’t get much nursing done after that, but it’s hysterical.) I’m almost done though…when’s the next one due out? Seriously, loveyou.

  351. Thank you. YOUR. BOOK. IS. AWESOME. I totally do not recommend reading it at the gym. Those skinny bitches sure give you funny looks when you are laughing out loud! Thank you for bringing GAD to light in a way that now makes me laugh at my own panic attack incidents. Thank you for your blog because if I did not have to read it out loud (while cracking up), my husband would not have anything to talk about! That may not be entirely true but it makes me enoy our conversations more! Wish you would be cloder I so would come see you! Congrats and keep on fightin the good fight!

  353. Oh. my goodness. Just catching up…I work in a garden center and spring is crazy-busy for us. SO pleased to see Juanita wearing her pearls!

    I’ll have a chance to read my book once Spring calms the hell down. It’s sitting on my bedside table…I just fall asleep before I get to it at night.

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