I have three nipples

in Let's Pretend This Never Happened

I’ve gotten a lot of weird gifts over my tour but so far this was a favorite. Someone gave me a nipple.

A homemade nipple.

AND IT’S AWESOME.

That is, until I got glitter on it and then it was stuck to the latex and I was trying to pull the glitter off of my nipple but it wouldn’t come off so I asked Victor to lick it because I have a thing about not licking latex nipples that strangers gave me, but then he wouldn’t do it so I can’t get the glitter off and now I know why people refer to glitter as “the herpes of the craft world,” and I also know how it feels to have herpes on your nipples, which I’m not even sure is medically possible.

But what I do know is that it’s now become my new lucky charm.

My third nipple…

Photo on 4-24-12 at 7.52 AM

I also got a pretty kick-ass picture of my wild boar (James Garfield) painted with human lips and a dead mouse replica made of peanut putter and fruit roll-ups.

It’s been a weird week.

Speaking of “weird week”, you might have noticed me a few days freaking out about somehow ending up on the New York Times Best-Seller list.  I still can’t believe that happened.  The list publishes a week from Sunday and here’s where I fell:

#1 in Combined Print and Ebook Nonfiction

#2 in Print Hardcover Nonfiction

#2 in Print Hardcover and Paperback Combined

#2 in Ebook Nonfiction

It seems like a dream to me and I can’t wrap my mind around it, but I have something to say about it.

Thank you.

This book was 10 years in the making and I put my blood, sweat, tears and other body fluids into it, but none of that would have mattered without your support.  And not just the support of each of you encouraging me and telling me not to quit when I was in a deep depression or hiding under the desk having anxiety attacks.  The simple fact is that as a first-time, no-name author I had almost no chance of ever getting on that list, but somehow my book made it on its first week out…because of you.  Because you bought the book.  Because you told other people about it.  Because you sent it to you mom or child or friends so that they’d understand that you aren’t the only weirdo in the world.  And because of that, people will read this book.  People who might have felt just as strange and weird as all of us will be able to find that they aren’t alone…that there is a tribe of people out there just as fucked up as they are.  People who always felt like misfits will see that sometimes it’s the misfits that rule the world, and that a large enough group of us can change the rules.  I don’t have the words to thank you for joining me on this long journey, nor do I have the words to make you understand what a difference you’ve made to me and to everyone else out there like us, but I have to try.

Thank you.

Score one for the misfits.

Score one for us.

316 thoughts on “I have three nipples”

Read comments below or add one.

  3. My sister has 3 nipples. 3 breast nipples. I think that’s why I became a comedian. Because the first thing I made fun of in my LIFE was that 3rd nipple.

    Thank you Jesus.

  5. So many congratulations to you! You deserve it! I can’t wait to read your book, it’s sitting in my kindle inbox as we speak…

  6. Thank you!!! And I’m so glad you posted the nipple picture! After you talked about it at Blue Willow I was curious to see it. I think it is hysterical that you had it on at one of your signings and continued to sign books and not acknowledge it’s existence. AWESOME! I love that you are getting weird gifts as reflections of the adoration of your fans.

  7. If someone gave me a third nipple I would go ninja with it and stick that thing everywhere while giggling incessantly waiting for people to notice. I don’t think I could help myself.

    With a third nipple comes great responsibility. I’m just not mature enough for that shit.

    I just got your book for my 40th birthday and it’s one of the best presents ever!

  8. I’m almost done reading it, and I absolutely love it. I’d describe it as David Sedaris with a vagina and a genetic predisposition for taxidermy. I’m already stoked for the next book! (no pressure)

  9. Now your cats are REALLY going to follow you around – and be really confused. But they will probably get the glitter off. If you notice them flailing around, it’s likely they got the glitter on their paws & can’t get it off. Either that, or they will like it and start wearing clothes designed by Bob Mackie. Cher will get upset because you and your cats are trying to steal her look and get into a twitter fight with you, causing Chaz Bono to come to her defense. You don’t want Chaz Bono mad at you. Maybe you need to keep that nipple covered up.

  10. Oh … and I think glitter is on the list with cockroaches and zombies … for things that will one day inherit and take over the Earth!

  12. I’m beyond excited to get your book! I’m at work and a coworker walked by and said, “She needs to get the wart checked out, something isn’t right.” I didn’t bother correcting her.

  13. The first thing I ever read from you was your bit about the giant metal chicken. from then on, you have been a daily part of my life, and my husband’s as well, since I “make” him listen to me as I read your blogs. We live in Rosenberg and it would have been amazing to have gone to your Houston reading, but since we’re fairly new to the area still, we don’t have a sitter for our litter…lol I made a rhyme. Anyhow, congratulations on your success!

  14. Fake nipples would be awesome if you put them on a fruit, then when people came over they’d be about to eat it and you could just say casually “Oh, yeah, that fruit has a nipple.”

  15. Jenny, YOU ARE AWESOME!!! You are a great example to all of us how hard work and perseverance do pay off. So does weirdness in a good way. And yes, you give me hope for me and my two kids. Love you!

  17. Your book was amazing! I read it as fast as I could when it came in and drove my husband crazy. Whenever he would hear me giggling like a maniac he’d ask me why I was laughing and the response usually involved vaginas. He eventually stopped asking and would instead just leave the room.

  19. I took my book when I met the Bad Astronomer. I read it before and after, when my anxiety was so high I babbled like someone who smoked a whole bunch of crack and looked like a total loser when i was meeting some of my personal heroes, to calm my ass down. I laughed, and cried, and will read it over, and over again. Thank you for writing it, living it, and surviving. You are a wonderful person and added to my list of personal heroes I hope to someday meet. And, you should put the nipple on your forehead. Because that is where it belongs. Seriously.

  20. A good friend of mine is having terrible problems with depression. I recommended your book to her “Not just because you could probably use a laugh and this book took me 3 days to read because I kept having to stop and walk away until I could breathe properly again. But also because I think you should read about someone who is just as broken as we are, but who has learned to celebrate it.”

    She replied “Isn’t she the Giant Chicken lady?” 🙂

    You would totally be welcome at any party I ever had, inappropriate things and all. I’d even put a really nice tablecloth on the table so you could hide under it if you felt the need, although you’d probably have to share with the rabbit.

  21. Thank you so much for coming to Dallas tonight. You had me laughing so hard I was crying. You deserve all the success that is coming your way.

  24. I’m so bummed that I’m going to Texas a day late to see you in Dallas. However, I’m super stoked about you being a best seller!

  25. Am totally harassing your Australian Publisher to interview you. I was at Blogher last year when you were in the bathroom but the line was really long. I am using all my rat-cunning to go direct. Wish me luck.

  26. You are fabulous, lady! Kudos to you!

    (P.S.–I am way more excited about your success than I am about my own colleagues’ successes. Because you are way cooler than they are. And way funnier. True story.)

  27. Just finished your book two days ago….I don’t honestly remember the last time a book made me laugh out loud so many times…..
    I read the chapter about Beyonce to my husband – he appreciated it as much as I did. So glad it was included in there!
    Well done!

  28. I have been reading random chapters out loud to my wife all week. She just keeps saying “That chick is so damn funny.”

  29. A happy bunch of misfits are we who support you. You give voice to those who dare not say aloud what they are thinking. You lend legitimacy to the offbeat process. What you do, I suspect, started out as fulfilling a need you had…but you have made thinking outside the box, the room, the state, the globe very cool.

    In so many ways, you have become Everywoman.

    You go, girl!

  30. So much for ‘no name’! You’ve hit it big, lady! Just don’t forget about us on your way to the top. Not that you ever would. Who else would appreciate your taxidermied army of animals? And love you both for and despite it?
    Congratulations! I couldn’t decide whether to buy a physical copy or kindle, so I might end up with one of each…

  31. Once my dad brought home Hostess cupcakes he found in the street. I ate them.

    Tribe, indeed.

    Thanks for the book. It’s on my iPad right now wonderming who I’m cheating on it with.

  32. Blessings to you Jenny – you are a truly amazing, wonderfully brave, fabulous human being.
    Waiting for your book (which I pre-ordered almost as soon as I was able) to be delivered.

    Christine

  33. “The simple fact is that as a first-time, no-name author I had almost no chance of ever getting on that list…”

    Well, if you ignore the fact that you are Jenny Lawson the Fucking Bloggess, then I might be able to agree with that statement. I wish I could have a dozen of you at every party I ever give. Except that I only have one bathroom. So, maybe I could have the guest room made up to LOOK like a large lavatory or something. The fact that you had signings in Houston and none (so far) in Atlanta almost made me sorry I had moved back to Atlanta…and that is saying some serious shit right there.

  34. Tonight at A Real Bookstore was, without a doubt, the most awesome night of my life to date. I got to meet you, I got to meet Lisa, you signed my book (and my boobs… which I was fully expecting you to tell me you had been just kidding about) and you even said you would actually wear the necklace I brought you (even though you don’t like jewelry and are now a little phobic about bathrooms).

    PLUS… we have the same Epiphanie bag!

    As someone else said in an earlier comment. You are ABSOLUTELY welcome at any party I ever have even if you wander off and talk to my chinchilla all evening.

    Meeting you has been on my life list for quite a while now. I am now actually thinking that I will again attempt to write a book. You’re very inspirational. And for once in my life, I am absolutely proud to be a misfit.

  35. Again congrats on being a best selling author. You deserve it. Lead on dear Bloggess, and we, the Lunatic Fringe will follow. Provided something shiny doesn’t catch our attention of cour……. oooh glittery nipple!

  37. Score one for your brilliant writing.

    People CRAVE big laughs that have undertones of struggle. You capture both extremes in your writing. Is it any wonder your book is doing so well?

  38. You can slap that nipple in-between your other nipples, which should also have glitter, before you go for your yearly exam, like you’re getting all fancied up for your doctor. Best breast exam ever.

  40. OMG you’re so funny! Thank goodness you shared a picture of your third nipple with us – I was dying to see it from the go…. and I can’t believe Victor wouldn’t lick it! What’s with that???

  41. You might be interested in a book I am reading: Make the Impossible Possible: One Man’s Crusade to Inspire Others to Dream Bigger and Achieve the Extraordinary by Bill Strickland. Awesome.

  42. Jenny, you’re my Misfit Model. You’re the person who FINALLY made me realize that it’s OK to be the girl who believes in the Zombie Apocalypse and frequently talks about wanting a Tauntaun to keep me warm. You absolutely deserve all the laudation and worship that you are currently receiving. Thank you for being you.

  44. Jenny, I am grateful for your existence as well as for the community you’ve brought together through your writing.

  45. Congratulations!! I can’t even begin to imagine how exciting all of this must be for you!

    You give people like me hope, Jenny — hope for overcoming depression and anxiety, hope for becoming a published author. Thank you so much for that.

  46. Kicked off my three day weekend by reading your book cover to cover in 6 hours. It was fantastic. 🙂 bravo!!!

  47. The success of your book is perhaps the best indicator that in fact MOST OF US ARE MISFITS. Even if society tries to tell us we aren’t, even our perception says otherwise, even if our self-esteem claims that we’re the odd ones out…there isn’t such a thing as a “normal” person, and if there is then they’re DEFINITELY in the minority.

    Thank you for showing us that it’s OK to be a little bit broken, to be slightly weird and occasionally outright crazy . Thank you also for introducing the concept of #furioushappiness and making sure we don’t forget to have a bit of fun and not take ourselves too seriously.

    Enjoy that third nipple of yours. 🙂

  48. Love the arm nipple 🙂 you make me laugh! P.S. Loved the book, can’t wait for the next one (okay, I CAN wait, because I will, but I don’t want to) <3

  49. congratulations, my friend. on your #1 ranking, that is. the glitter nipple thing is a tad disturbing. what the hell – congrats on that, too.

  50. The Greatful Dead sum it up nicely: ‘What a long strange trip it’s been’! They might have been referring to a drug trip, in which case, it’s still accurate. Congratulations, now, i’m putting your book down for a bit to finish my end of term papers. Unless….hmmmmm you’re an author and it;s only 12 pages on the battle of Atlanta,,,lol

  52. You totally need to make a photo gallery of all the fun things people have given you on your tour!

  53. I have your book. I waited in line for 2 hours while my 4 kids “played” in the bookstore so that I could get it signed. I bathed in your aura for like 30 seconds. And I am afraid to read your book. I am afraid to start reading it because once I start, I will finish it. And then it will be over and I won’t be reading it anymore. And then I’ll have to read it again. But I’ll never recapture the freshness and excitement of the unknown…which I LOVE. I need to get over this problem.

    And you should try that nipple out on your forehead.

  54. My copy reached remote Australia today!! It sat on my desk and watched me all day, daring me to give up on work and devour its awesomeness!! I ran at the guy I share the office with yelling “GIMMMEEEE!!” when I saw he had the parcel. I think he was a little scarred, but I have the book so its all good!

    Thanks for showing the world it’s ok to be crazy, and that the darkest times can give you the wickedest sense of humour! You’re an inspiration!! I’m off to read, luckily

  55. My copy reached remote Australia today!! It sat on my desk and watched me all day, daring me to give up on work and devour its awesomeness!! I ran at the guy I share the office with yelling “GIMMMEEEE!!” when I saw he had the parcel. I think he was a little scarred, but I have the book so its all good!

    Thanks for showing the world it’s ok to be crazy, and that the darkest times can give you the wickedest sense of humour! You’re an inspiration!! I’m off to read, luckily its the weekend now!

  56. No, really, thank you. And I haven’t even read the book yet, because apparently it takes a book two weeks to fly between the US and Australia, which seems ridiculous. Bring on Monday’s post.

  57. I’m not gonna lie, that kind of made my cry like a baby.
    Not your herpes glitter-nipple, because that was emotional but in a different way, but the thank you. Because do you know what? Thank YOU. Thank you for giving me (and everyone else) a place to come and feel a little less un-ordinary. Thank you for helping me come to terms with big things. Thank you for being different and being ok with telling us. It sounds a bit stupid, as an adult, to say that you want to be like someone else when you grow up, but I hope that in time I learn to manage my life and my troubles with the sort of off-the-wall, furiously happy attitude you manage yours with.
    We all owe you so much, Jenny.

  58. I think I kinda want a latex nipple now. Several in fact to just kinda of leave about. Maybe drop one in a crowded elevator and shout “Nobody move, I’ve dropped my nipple!”

    Congrats on being a bestseller!! Currently reading your book and it is well deserved! 🙂

  59. Amazon UK now show delivery estimate of May 11, which is considerably more better than July and probably better than ordering from the USA. That’s about 2 weeks. Actually that’s exactly 2 weeks. Woohoo.

  60. I’m so excited for you! You deserve all the success in the world. And your book? It was AWESOME!

  61. My friend once announced (very loudly in a crowded room) that she was sure glitter was invented to annoy naked people.
    Oh and I am currently reading your book. It arrived this morning and I have been sitting here laughing and getting weird looks all afternoon 🙂

  62. You are also now (probably) the only 1st time, no-name, 3 nipple yielding NYT best selling author…I mean, I haven’t looked it up…maybe I shouldn’t assume? Whatever…you win. Nice work, my friend.

  63. I’m a misfit, too, and I feel like you’re kind of our president. Who will not be brought down by Nipplegate, in fact, your standing will only be enhanced by it.

  64. It’s brilliant, truly. And so deserved. Nipples, hmmm. Nope, nobody ever gave me one of those. You definitely score points for weirdest gifts ever.

  65. Almost done reading your book and I find myself much more comfortable talking about my vagina than ever before. It is really quite freeing. So thank you and God bless.

  66. I love your book!! I have had to read page after page aloud to my family, now my sons, mother, and friends, are all begging me to read it next!! You are amazing.

  67. I was hysterically laughing and in tears (not a common experience for me) while reading your book last night. My husband who always gets suspicious when I laugh wondered what was going on. “Oh, just reading.” I told him. I continued to read and laugh for awhile longer until he came in later to turn off the light because he was going to bed. Thank You for making the end of a long tiring day (I’m a mom of two young’ins) funny.

  68. I love hearing my hubby crack up hysterically. Although I have to say that lately I’m not the one making him laugh – you are. Now I have to pander to your jokes. “Quail” works every time. I’ll have to see if “glittery 3rd nipple” will do it equally well…….

  69. So… I’m thinking that you and your third (glittery) nipple join the Jim Rose Circus sideshow and tour the country. Victor can be your bodyguard.

    Can you also call my mom? She’s having a difficult time finding the correlation people Hamlet Von Schnitzel and Beyonce. I dont know. Old people.

  70. I won’t lie, the nipple thing made me uncomfortable. I kept trying not to look at it. But, much like anything you don’t WANT to look at, I couldn’t look away!
    I would agree about the glitter but, I kind of like glitter, and I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I also like herpes. ‘Cause I don’t. On principle.
    I am heading out to B&N today to get your book.
    I think you are hilarious. And I appreciate the fact that you have shared your weirdness with the world. It does make me feel like my mental landscape is not quite as strange as I thought. Thanks.

  72. First – congratulations on the amazing book, tour, courage to be you, etc. Please let me know when you’ll add Hong Kong to your tour schedule. Second – as I took a Xanax the other day I thought how much more fun it would be to take one from a Pez dispenser. THEN I thought how much fun it would be to take one from an adult Pez dispenser and then I thought of Ermione Granger opening her little mouth with the gift of a Xanax for me. Fun!

  73. Congrats. I’m still reading it, but any book that can make me literally LOL was bound to be a #1 best seller. 🙂

  78. My scrapbook ladies call ourselves the KKMF Scrappers–and i have a painting of Beyonce in my dining room that one of my ladies painted for me. We are starting a book club called the KKMF Readers and your book is our premier book choice. We all adore you and read each other your blog posts all the time. MISFITS RULE!!

  79. Proud of our ‘kind’…women on the edge. It’s how I like to think of myself; not just WITH an edge, but frequently ON it. That’s when my best work comes through. You’re incredible, if I haven’t said that recently.

  80. My God. I just teared up while reading a post titled, “I have three nipples.”

    By the way, I’m devouring your book and am totally in love. I plan to tell everyone I know about it. You rock sister.

  81. I got my copy of “Let’s Pretend” on Tuesday. Only by supreme power, I took it to my mom’s house and will get it tomorrow. I knew that I would not put it down once I started, so I am so excited to be able to read it tomorrow. I can’t wait and I am so very happy for you. What an amazing accomplishment. You so rock my world. Indeed, yay for the misfits!

  82. I think I should tell you that I was so anxious to get your book that I fell down three stairs and landed on my back and head (hardwood stairs) trying to get to the door when the delivery guy came. And I was so excited that I jumped back up and kept right on going while saying ow, ow, ow, ow. It was worth every ache and pain.

    Being a misfit myself, I super appreciate the hardship you have endured with so much humor. Thank you for being you and please come to Virginia so I can meet you at your next book signing. You are awesome and I have told everyone I know to buy your book. I kept having to put it down because I was laughing so hard I had to run to the bathroom before I wet my pants.

    Why doesn’t anyone ever give me a third nipple?

  83. I hadn’t bought the book yet, but I read this and went straight to Amazon and bought it. Glad my late purchase didn’t penalize you on the NYT list. 😀
    Hooray!

  84. It’s no accident that your book is reaching those kinds of numbers! I bought it immediately (kindle for iphone app) and then had to explain to people why I was compulsively staring at my phone giggling for hours. It was hilarious and heartwarming with only a hint of vulture, and I think we as readers couldn’t be more thrilled about it.

    ps. I used to have a box of about 50 fake nipples, but I accidentally left them in my parents house when I moved out, otherwise I would send them to you. Also, I had to have a conversation that included the phrase “I’m throwing away your box of nipples” with my mom.

  86. Thanks to your book, I never have to do sit-ups again. I never do sit-ups, and I’m not even sure that I CAN do sit-ups, but now I’ll never have to find out, because I am going to have rock-hard abs from laughing so hard! Granted, I may have to read the book two hundred times to get to that point, but I’m cool with that!
    By the way, I am ordering at least three more copies today. I may even break down and go to the bookstore to pick them up – that’s just how inspired I am!
    My teenage daughter suffers – we all suffer – from her anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. As if being a teenager wasn’t bad enough. Thank you for helping me understand what it must be like for her. You are so brave & so beautiful.

  88. No-name author my ass! You can tell those other “famous” authors to SUCK IT! LOL! Just kidding of course. I finished your book last night and of course I loved it! So happy you put the Beyonce story in there, that made me giggle in the middle of the restaurant I was sitting in at the time….people were staring and I just didn’t give a crap.
    Love the third nipple…oh excuse me, nubbin. Very glitterati of you.

  89. Love the book. Love your sense of humor. You’ve made me laugh so many times I can’t count, and I’m happy you’re smiling now. Congrats!

  90. I’m pacing myself on reading it, using it as a brain chocolate defense against bad days. However I did listen to the first chapter of the audiobook and I have to admit I’m going to end up buying both. While the book has pictures, the auto books has SOUND EFFECTS omg!

    Plus I think my boyfriend would rather listen to you read the book out loud than me because he’s sooo not borrowing my copy. In fact no-one is borrowing my copy, ever. I’ll buy them their own but this book is one I’m not loaning out.

  91. I can’t wait to buy it! I am waiting until it comes out in paperback, though, because I am weird and very much prefer paperback books to hardcovers.

  92. You should come to Winnipeg to do a book signing. Or just come hang out with me and my 11 month old. Fuck the rest of Canada, Winnipeg is where it’s at.

  93. Entirely our pleasure. I cannot tell you when the last time was that I truly enjoyed a book so much. I am tempted to get the audio version so I will have something to listen to on my next road trip. But I am afraid I will end up in a ditch somewhere in East Texas because I couldn’t concentrate on driving.

  94. Congratulations on the best seller list! You are simply AMAZING! Thank you for taking us with you on your journey and being willing to be vulnerable with us. the only pressure or expectations you’ll have to live up to now, after all this success, is to just keep being you! Nothing more than that. =D

    You make us Furiously Happy!

  98. I just read the chapter about the “colon cleanse” and I was laughing SO hard. I’m loving the book and I’m so glad that you were honored by being on The List (yes, capitalization is warranted here). Congrats to you!!

  99. Congrats Jenny! I saw you at the Houston book signing and asked you “who I needed to blow to get on your blogroll.” You laughed, then security escorted me out.
    p.s. I’m thinking that nipple is a handy hanger for your purse.

  101. Jenny,
    That’s amazing. NYT is the big-time list. Your publisher, without question, is very, very happy with you. They’re going to want another book from you, no doubt. Good thing you have a third nipple with herpes and other fun stuff to write about.

  102. Misfits RULE! Though, if there are that many of us, shouldn’t we become the “fits” and everyone else who thinks they’re “normal” can be the “misfits”?

    Congratulations, Jenny. Your writing is funny and poignant and I’m going to have to lock it up when my parents come this weekend so it doesn’t mysteriously disappear because I haven’t gotten to a bookstore to pick up a separate copy for them. But at least they won’t throw a bobcat at me…maybe.

  103. I just bought the book and I am DYING. I so wish your tour would bring you to these parts. If I had an extra nipple laying around, I would totally give it to you.

  104. Seriously, it was reading your blog, and your book that made me realize that I while am not normal, by the worlds standards I am not alone in my mind, with the way it works.

    THANK YOU.

    Btw…I see your “Throwing a live bobcat on fiance” and raise you “My father blew stink bait all over mormon ladies temple garments”

  105. The meek were supposed to inherit the Earth, but I just think it was an acronym for Misfits Enduring Escalating Kvetching, I bet.

  106. Congrats on being #1 on the bestseller list. You deserve it. Love your book! The mouse was made with almond butter not peanut butter because of peanut allergies.

  107. I’ve been singing your praises to my fiance all week. He’s just wondering who this Jenny person is, who apparently is my new BFF. Really, I couldn’t be more proud and happy for you. Thank YOU!

  108. I was wondering what that spot on my book was, and now I know it is your bodily fluids.

    I got my book plate yesterday. WOOHOO!

    The nipple is awesome.

  109. Bless you Jenny for being a misfit, and a damn funny one. A book on the way to my misfit daughter as I type.

  110. I am reading your book, and I have to keep stopping cause my eyes are watering from laughing so hard. I thought my childhood was messed up till you came along. Compared to you I feel I had a much more “normal” family. If there really is such a thing. But your being able to write about how you felt and how you feel now has helped me to realize it’s not just me. I am not alone in feeling strange and different, and for that I thank you. Your blog and your book are like an island that sprung up in the middle of my sea of insanity. Keep moving forward, I think you are on the right path.

  112. Here’s to the crazy ones.
    The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers.
    The round pegs in the square holes.
    The ones who see things differently.
    They’re not fond of rules.
    And they have no respect for the status quo.

    You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
    disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
    About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
    Because they change things.
    They invent. They imagine.
    They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire.
    They push the human race forward.
    Maybe they have to be crazy.

    How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
    Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
    Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
    While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

    Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world,
    are the ones who do.

    Congrats!!!! 🙂

  113. “Here’s to the crazy ones.
    The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers.
    The round pegs in the square holes.
    The ones who see things differently.
    They’re not fond of rules.
    And they have no respect for the status quo.

    You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
    disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
    About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them.
    Because they change things.
    They invent. They imagine.
    They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire.
    They push the human race forward.
    Maybe they have to be crazy.

    How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
    Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
    Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
    While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

    Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world,
    are the ones who do.” – Jack Kerouac

    Congrats – and a job well done. 🙂

  114. No, Jenny, THANK YOU! You are so loved by all of us and thank you for being awesome enough and open enough to give us misfits someone to rally behind, or that the very least to make us feel less alone. You are wonderful, and never never NEVER forget that!

  115. For some reason I was expecting a whole boob with the nipple, which to me would be totally acceptable, by the way.
    On a side note, I’m not sure you should be showing people your nipple, whether it’s your biological nipple or an adopted one. I’m pretty sure in our society nipples should be covered. I guess you could put a bra on it, but it will be hard to find an arm bra for a single nipple on your arm. Maybe you should just tell people to just back off. Either way, good luck with that.
    Oh, and congratulations on being on that list! You deserve it!! And thank you so much for sharing your stories with us.
    Score!

  116. I’m sad. Still sitting here in the UK waiting for your book to come out on May 10th

  117. Just finished the book and it was AMAZING!!!!
    Anywhoodles, I enjoyed meeting you in Houston. (I was the woo girl in the back when you mentioned Wil Wheaton coalating who also freaked out about all of the people touching you and started wiping their germs off of you.)
    Let me know if you’re ever in Houston again; I’m bi-polar and have BPD… AND… have generalized anxiety disorder so I’ve got the good stuff. *wink* Enjoy your success!

  118. I have a friend who has an actual 3rd nipple. She won’t show it to me though.

    Congrats on your well-deserved success! Misfits unite!

  119. Congratulations! That’s awesome! On getting on the NYT best seller list, not the nipple, although now that I think about it, I’m not sure which one is more awesome.

  121. I was greatly disheartened with my B&N when I went to find your book, it was hidden in a very small area behind a pillar, so I stole like five of them and scattered them throughout the Best Sellers areas. This was before you hit #1 on the NYT. I was so excited to hear about that. :DDD

  123. I’m so excited for you, Jenny! You deserve all this success! I’m talking up your book everywhere because I seriously love it. I don’t want to finish it so I’m trying to read it slowly. That’s not so hard when you have to stop to have a laughing fit every now and then!

    Best wishes to you! Also, I need a close up of that nipple. Please and thank you.

  124. That is a pretty awesome nipple. Please wear it out in public some time and unconsciously touch every now and then (like all the other interesting/weird things we can touch on our bodies and almost not get arrested for doing so).

    Also, since I’m not in the US I couldn’t get one of your marvelous book plates for some reason. I was wondering if perhaps you could sign a copy and/or email us you doing your own version of the ‘collating paper/holding twine’ to make up for the sad loneliness of not even being on the same continent as you? [why don’t we have an emoticon for sad puppy eyes yet?]

    Congratulations once again. I will purchase and read your book once I finally finish “John Dies At The End” and maybe even look at the books I have bought in book splurges.

  125. You give hope that all us weirdos can and WILL eventually make something of ourselves when we grow up!

    I plan on buying your book when I can save up enough pennies.

    Thank you and congratulations!

  126. That’s awesome! The strangest gift I’ve ever been given was a dildo at my bridal shower from my boo’s grandmother.

    Seriously. How to you keep a straight face when an 80 year old blue haired lady is holding a rubber penis telling you about all it’s uses…

    Anywho! Congrats on the best seller list!!

  127. Don’t know if you saw this, (or if they tell you about things like this beforehand) but your book was recommended in the April issue of Martha Stewart’s Whole Living magazine (page 36). 🙂

  128. For those of us with a Third Nipple Fetish (you can call us TNFs), I was titillated (ahem) by the lead in. Then came disappointment. Everyone knows the third nipple on the *left* arm is a horrific disfigurement. The right arm nipple is what its all about.
    Sheesh.
    Color me bummed out.

    Also: HURRAY JENNY!!!!

  129. I have your book downloaded on my Kindle and can’t wait to read it this weekend! Congrats to you Jenny!

  130. You’re like the Lady Gaga of taxidermy enthusiasts!
    Am now forcing my copy on my coworkers to read.
    Am also telling them about the day I laughed until I cried, and how the next day, when reading on the subway, I was literally biting my own hand to keep my laughter under control.
    I am perhaps the best salesperson ever, no?
    True or not, thanks for the great read, Jenny, and I am SO HAPPY for you!

  131. Yes! The reason I read your blog is because it consistently gives me that “I’m not the only weirdo in the world” feeling. As a teacher and a middle school administrator, I spend most of my days being on my “best behavior.” I yearn for things like swearing and bawdy sex references and children’s books about saying “Fuck Off.” You scratch that itch for me, sista. Keep the irreverence coming. The world needs it.

  132. I left a comment earlier and “between” got autocorrected to “people” somehow and this technology stuff is out to get me and it’s stupid.

    Also, THANK YOU. You’ve had me and a few other million people laughing for years. Misfits = 10 (million), World = 0

    You deserve more nipples.

  133. You’re #1 because only you can make me cackle wildly at hearing you read the ex-lax chapter, when I’ve already read it at least three times. And then I came home and did a shitty(!) job of telling the story to my husband, but it was still so funny HE cackled wildly. Just because YOU are YOU.

    I was really disappointed that I had to leave before I could get my book signed. I left right after the cops and the fire department arrived. I’m looking forward to getting another opportunity to get that signature.

  134. I totally think you should put your awesome glitter nipple on your leg and wait ’till someone looks at it then be all embarrassed and say “oops, how did that get down there”. Then just peel it off and put it in your purse or in your shirt like it’s no big. I think everyone needs 3 nipples, especially glittery ones!

    Congrats on being #1, you amazing goddess, you! I’m just bummed I “found” you after I moved from the SATX area, I’d love to hang out with you, even with your extra nipple.

  135. I thought I had a 3rd nipple once and had dreams of travelling the world as a carnival sideshow. Turns out it was just a piece of Cherry Lifesaver that I fell asleep on.

  136. It’s on my birthday list. I recently wrote a blog post about my anxiety, and it was you who inspired me to sum up the nerve to actually publish it.

    Thank you. <3

  138. Try putting baby powder or corn starch on the nipple it will get the glitter off. I cannot wait to read your book. Congratulations for making it onto the best seller list.

  139. And I do want to congratulate you on your success. I plan to buy the digital version of the bOOk just as soon as I can get the iPad away from my kids who are obsessed with Angry Birds. Especially the 2 year old. I’m a bad father.

  140. I accidentally pre ordered your book a while back. as in, I meant to order it, but didn’t know it wasn’t out yet, I just thought Amazon sucked. got it this week but already managed to loose the book signature you sent me, which is weird, because having a book signature without a book is kind of like a third nipple with glitter, so when I saw this post I knew it was totally about me, so thank you for thinking of me as I know you must be very busy.

  141. You made me cry again. I’m so happy for you! This really couldn’t have happened to a more deserving person. You rock Jenny!

  142. Idea for your next book – I went on a book tour and all I got was this glitter nipple, and other assorted oddities.

  144. Thank you Jenny. For all the laughter, the tears and the amazing stories. Thank you.
    Seconding Shreya to say PLEASE come to India! 🙂

  145. My third nipple is more towards the center of my chest. I’m thinking that’s more like a tiny elbow sprouting from your arm.

  147. Thank YOU!

    I hope you realize how much your blog is appreciated and enjoyed. And the book is AWESOME!

    I was sad to come to the end, and it will definitely be a book that I reread often.

  148. I’m the goofy woman that fainted at your book signing last night. Sorry about that! You know how fans used to faint when they saw the Beatles? Of course that’s not really what happened but I’m so telling people it did. I’m that much a fan of yours!! So happy about your success!!! Signed, Fainting Fan <3

  149. My daughter who is a junior in high school (the same one who told me maybe I shouldn’t read it in public because of all my laughing) has been reading it during down time after TAKS testing this week. She has several teachers planning to buy or wanting to borrow it now. You’re a gem, and I’m not sure you know it. Thank YOU so much for sharing, for making life a little more bearable, and a helluva lot funnier.

  150. You’re welcome, and thank you too! After reading your book and laughing my butt off, my 13 year old daughter asked if she could read it… I said yes, and I’m hoping the misfit-turned-awesome of your book will make an impression on her and help her to find her place in the world too. I’m concerned about how difficult it can be to fit in in middle school for a super smart, funny, girl who doesn’t follow the crowd… and i think your book is the perfect example of how being different can be a blessing in disguise. Plus, I give it two thumbs up for being a great read!

  151. I think my favorite thing I’ve learned from reading this is that you don’t have to be perfect to love yourself. And imperfect is the new awesome. Thanks for being imperfect and awesome. You give the rest of us hope 🙂

  153. Yay misfits! Just got an email from Amazon that your book is now on it’s way to me. Hurrah! o/

  154. Just finished listening to the audiobook (I’m in the car a couple of hours a day). I actually had only vaguely heard about your blog, but the audiobook had a good rating on Audible, so I gave it a shot. Totally loved it! And now here I am, reading your blog, which is also awesome. Thanks!

  155. I was so excited about you getting the top of the bestseller list that I almost squee’d outloud myself. You’d think I wrote it, that’s how excited I was.

  156. Congratulations a thousand times, you are awesome and I’m freaking proud of you. And all of us. For allowing ourselves the opportunity to be true to ourselves and bond with other weirdos just like us. Because damnit, there are too many people hiding their weird because they are afraid that people will judge them. I think that’s a giant load of crap. Embrace the weird!

  158. The book signing last night was great — thank you so much for your time and for cheerfully signing books, chickens, spatulas, etc. Congrats again on your success — I think because you let us in to your life, your success is much more sweet to us because it’s not ‘hey this author I like is on the New York Times bestseller list’ — it’s ‘oh my gosh this person that is so cool that I feel like I know and could be my friend is on the NEW YORK TIMES FREAKING BESTSELLER LIST!!!!” Even though I don’t know you and we probably will not be friends. 😉

    The booksigning last night was weird too. First of all, I’m the one that set off the shoplifting alarm — twice. So sorry!!! I tried to lift my purse over the sensor but I’m sure the sensor manufacturer probably figured out that real shoplifters would do that. In the bathroom there was a violently ill woman puking in the stall next to me, with a friend trying to call another friend. After you finished talking and the book signing line started, I went to get a beer (BEST bookstore ever!), and saw the puking women being semi-carried out of the bookstore by her two friends. While waiting for my wristband group to be called, I heard a loud thump and saw a woman passed out on the floor. Someone tried to help her sit up and I swear she looked like she had the little cartoon birdies flying around her head. She fainted again, someone called 911, and then the police and paramedics came and took her off on a stretcher.

    I don’t go to many booksignings, but if they are all like this, sign me up.

  159. Dear Jenny,

    Thank YOU. I’m giving my copy of your book to one of my friends who has had a resurface of her breast cancer and is going in for surgery next week. She told me yesterday that she just wanted something to take her mind off her situation and help her laugh. I said: “OH – honey. I have got you covered!” And then I told her about how you ran into your gynocologist at starbucks and how she didn’t recognize you without your vagina and we both laughed for about 5 minutes straight.

    Of course, this means that I am stuck halfway through the 7th chapter without a book…so I’ll probably be buying another one so that I can finish it.

    Thanks for helping us out through this stressful time!
    *hugs*

  160. Not surprised at all it’s doing so well. (The book, not the nipple. That glittery bit will never be the same.) You do speak for us misfits and we thank you. My husband and I were listening to your book on a long trip and he didn’t quite get why I got so quiet listening to your chapters a/b your anxiety in groups. (He can talk to anybody, even quiet geeky girls like me.) I couldn’t laugh, even when it was funny, because it felt all to familiar. And, that’s a good thing, really. Us misfits need to know that we aren’t alone in our misfitness. It helps us all when you write about it. So, I say, Jenny, thank you from the bottom of my socially misfit heart!

  161. Your butt madame! Get another faux nip and place one on each buttock! Perfect the Creator’s (Nature’s) oversight!

  162. Dearest Bloggess- The world would be a tragic place without you in it. I love you sense of humor and your extra nipple. You are amazing- please keep writing. hugs to you.
    maggie

  163. I’m very glad to hear that you’re getting so many awesome treasures. You deserve all of them. You are a weird and wonderful presence on the web and deserve all the great things that are coming your way.

    I should be getting your book very soon and my expectation level is off the charts.

    It’s wonderful to be part of your tribe and I’m looking forward to many future adventures together. Hopefully we won’t get lost along the way. However, if we do your army of animals will obviously lead us to safety.

    From one misfit to another, thanks for being awesome. It is very much appreciated.

  167. Good news! I haven’t even bought the book yet. I’m sure when I do this weekend, your book will be #1 across the board. So congrats in advance!

  169. I am so glad you included Dallas in your tour. Last night was my first time to ever visit an author and i am so glad it was you. I laughed so hard ! I also brought a friend that was not familiar with you ( i know, right? !) and she fell in love with you too. I am almost done with your ebook that i pre-purchased. I read at night to relax me but when i read your book i am so wound up from laughing it takes me longer to fall asleep. I dont mind.

  170. It’s adorable how you call yourself a “no name” author. You’re so sweet I want to sop you up with a biscuit. (There are guys on the internet who would pay big money to see that.)

  171. It couldn’t happen to a nicer person.

    My wife and I have been listening to your book on our drive to work or as we do errands. We’re up to the outtakes, and I’m so so sorry that it has to end.

    Thank you for giving the misfits someone to identify with.

  172. The reason we are here and the reason we bought your book is because you have an amazing voice. You’re funny, you’re kind, you’re real. This is why we love you.

  175. I’m happy for you, but I want to make sure you’re aware of the problems you’re about to face, namely Reverse Imposter Syndrome.

    No matter what job you have in the future, whether it’s as an office assistant, steel worker or even a go-fer, you’ll always have that tiny voice in the back of your mind saying, “I’m a professional. Why don’t they notice? Oh, I’m going to be found out.” Every day you’ll be looking over your shoulder, half-expecting to see your editor standing there, possibly with one of the cooler famous people like Wil Wheaton or Molly Ringwald, saying that you have to go back to being a New York Times bestselling author. Every day you’ll live in fear of being found out.

    You might scoff! But you know better than anyone how irrational anxiety can be.

  176. Honestly doesn’t surprise me that your book is so popular. I’m enjoying it as much as I enjoy your blog. 😀

  178. I just wanna thank Chris Hardwick who led me to Wil Wheaton’s site, which in turn led me to your site. I red your book in a day. It was that good, funny and touching. Thank you in return, you done good.

  179. Jenny,
    This must be nipple week in the blogosphere. Marinka (Motherhood in NYC) also posted about some nipple issues she was having (you’ll have to read it to learn the Russian word for “nipple.” worth the price of admission).
    I told her I do not generally have any issues with nipples, HOWEVER, it drives me crazy when women do not get their nipples in alignment. Really, how much effort does it take to look in the mirror and make sure your headlights are pointed in the same direction? Just thought I’d share that with you and tell you I am glad you only got ONE extra nipple so I don’t have to worry about it lining up with another one (unless you want to make sure it matches the other two).
    Look forward to seeing you at Mom 2.0.. all three of you.

  180. Loving this book! Thank you for the honest talk about mental illness. I’ve only recently been comfortable speaking out about. I’m glad to see you use some of the same coping strategies as I do. You rock Jenny!

  181. Your book is amazing and needs to be shared with the world! I am buying more copies this week to send to family/friends and to let them know to pass along. It will be our “Travelling Grey Book with a Dead Hamlet Mouse on the Cover”!

  183. Forehead nipples: The best way to get a man to look at your face instead of your chest. I swear I saw that somewhere….

  185. I have OCD/anxiety disorder/depression. Two of my little girls have been diagnosed with OCD and anxiety disorder … although not as severe as you’ve had to deal with. I think that refraining from surrounding them with mutant shitting quails might have helped things, there. Not only did this book make me laugh hysterically, and sob uncontrollably, it gave me more evidence that even though I poisoned my babies with my crap-ass genes they can still have wonderful lives and grow into the magnificent women they seem to be. Thank you for writing this book, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

    Thank you.

  186. Something I read the other day which made me think of you.

    Only mediocrity can be trusted to be always at its best. Genius must always have lapses proportionate to its triumphs. -Max Beerbohm, essayist, parodist, and caricaturist (1872-1956)

    Congratulations on all your success.

  187. My first thought was, that nipple looks like a pacifier.
    And then I thought, I guess that’s the whole point of pacifiers.
    Anyway – congrats!

  188. Glitter is the herpes of the renaissance faire world too. Freaking faeries…

    Somehow I’m not as surprised by the fact that you’re sporting a new, tarted up nipple on your arm as I am intrigued by the fact that it is a *homemade nipple.* How did I miss such a delightful new crafting craze?!

  189. First off you deserve it. I read your blog every day an you never fail to crack me up. I bought the audio version of your book. Can’t wait to listen. Congrats again!

  190. Your book is awesome! Funny, a little insane, but in a good way! I was able to relate to how you felt and your reactions to certain situations. Also, you remind me of a good friend who is getting your book as a baby shower gift. Thank you for writing your blog and the book and sharing your life! You deserve to be a best seller.

  191. Could that be one of Aunt Rebecca’s nipples? Guess if your daughter ever decides to do drugs you can freak her out with it. Yes I’m only up to “that” chapter.

  192. Your book was hilarious! I bought the Kindle version, and read it in a day and a half, laughing all the way! But despite all of the comedy, you also managed to bring tears to my eyes on a couple of occasions, and to show how compassionate and kind you are – which those of us who read your blog already know 🙂 You brought to light what it’s like to live with some things that most people never have to deal with, and you did it with humor and grace. Good on you, Jenny, you deserve every accolade you get!

  193. i WAS driving in rural Michigan last weekend and drove past a house (a FARM HOUSE) with a big METAL CHICKEN in the front yard. How meta is that? At a farm.

    Anyway. I rolled down my window and screamed, “HI, BEYONCE!!!” The farmer (I presume it was him, not a random chicken thief) leapt up from a crouch (where he was likely planting something) and stared at me whilst scratching his head.

    I hope he understood.

  194. My friend Nick and I discuss all your posts. This was our discussion about today’s.

    Allison: Ummmm… weren’t we just talking about nipples?
    Can someone else hear us? Jenny… can you hear us?!

    Nick: Haha, yeah, totally weird. She should really name her 3rd nipple! Ha!
    “glitter is herpes of the craft world” love it, haha!
    I like what she ended with. Very inspiring. Very cool

    Allison: I know. Just for that post, I am going to buy a new copy of the book. I was going to just buy a used one off Amazon but I want to pay full price for her. I can relate to her in so many ways, it’s crazy.
    Let’s name her third nipple.
    J. Nip ? You know, like J-Lo for Jenny-from-the-block but only J. Nip for Jenny-with-the-blog.

    Nick: I may have to buy it as well
    ahahahaha! J-Nip! Perfect! Haha

  197. seriously, thank YOU!
    i am so proud of/for you i can’t even find the words.
    enjoy every minute of this. you’ve worked your ass off and deserve this.
    XOXO

  198. That’s fantastic news–about your book. Not that having an extra nipple isn’t big news. Maybe you should give it a name?

  199. It is a good thing you are not a man, (other than that would be a big surprise to Victor and your daughter), but you would have gotten a fake testicle instead of a nipple. That would be too weird. Where would you put it, on your chin like Peter in “the Family Guy”?

  200. Just bought the book about an hour ago on a lunch break, then ‘snuck’ a few pages at my desk, but the uncontrollable laughter was embarrassing and, well…uncontrollable, so I had to put it down. Now it’s staring at me…waiting.

  202. I knew a guy once who had a nubbin. Can I just say that it wasn’t nearly as cute as yours?
    That being said, I have something I need to get off my chest (clumsy pun segue)
    When my sister forwarded me your Beyonce post, she included a little note that said “YOU need to do this.” I have made a clumsy career out of writing corporatespeak, which has been fine but not furiously happy fine. But because of your blog, because of her encouragement, I finally started writing for my own damn enjoyment. And I love it. And I love you.
    In hindsight, she probably meant I needed to get a metal chicken.

  203. We are questioning your choice of placement of your third nipple. The logical place for both Carla and myself(decisions arrived at independently) was between your existing nipples. Just a suggestion. By the way that website is not a real one.

  205. First of all, I tried to leave a comment earlier and I don’t know if it worked so if this is a repeat, I’m so sorry. I have no idea how technology works.

    I do know how nubbins work, and yours, madam, is splendid. Kudos to you.

    And THANK YOU for your inspiration.

  207. It was AWESOME seeing you in Austin Wednesday night. And thanks for bringing Victor and Laura. But after a brief conversation with Victor, I really understand you more – and the conversations with him you post. He has quite the God-complex, that Victor. And Laura is all kind of awesome. But you know that already.

  209. I am so glad that I have been a part of making your book be #1. i have laughed until I cried. then cried until I laughed.

    and I sort of want a bob cat.

  210. My favorite part about all of this is how happy everyone is for Jenny. I took my son to see her in Corte Madera, and when she walked out to the podium to thunderous applause I got all choked up like it was my daughter’s wedding or something (#machomanfail).

    I honestly don’t understand why so many of us feel this way, but I’m glad to be a part of it. Actually, I’m grateful to be a part of it. Thanks Jenny.

  211. Jenny, thank YOU. For giving us this. And for letting us know that we are not alone. And for letting us know that it is ok!

  212. It was awesome seeing you in person on Wednesday in Dallas, and my munchkin gave you her autograph with a skull on it, so, guess you got that going for you too.

  213. Thank you for coming up the road to Austin on Wednesday! You were terrific! I know this city’s motto is “Keep Austin Weird”, but judging by the size of the crowd, there are a lot more of us fuckups … uh, weirdos … uh, misfits in Austin than I I realized. And thanks for signing my picture, too!

    And tell Victor he’s cute! (But only if you think he won’t get a swollen ego – or something else – from the compliment.)

  214. Oh for the love of Monkey’s I meant to say Thursday in Dallas. Wednesday I was busy being hit in the head and verbally abused which is clearly why I didn’t know what day it was on Thursday.

  215. I am so unbelievably happy for you! I have love seeing you on other blogs and how excited they are that they met you. I live in a little ole town in Western NC so you have reached so many people world wide. I just love seeing how everything has come together for you and how you are so humble about it all. You are a super inspiration. Have a great weekend!

    And I still think you look like the chick from SNL. Just saying. I think you should get a cameo on there.

    Congrats again!!!! Much love from Western NC!

  216. Thank you for being the only #1 Best Selling author to ever e-mail me directly. I’m definitely glad it was you and not Snooki. I still have hate dreams about that one ever getting published…

    Anyway, I’m halfway through your book and recommending it to everyone I know. 🙂

  217. Congrats for your best selling book! 10 painstaking years already paid off! What inspired you to conceptualize your book? That nipple gift is quite unconventional, weird and unique.

    -Melissa

  218. Ooooh! Your book is now one of the 4-5 books to check out at the bottom of my Kindle Main Menu!

  219. I am SO glad I found you, Madame Bloggess! You’re totally my kind of weirdo. Your e-book is on my Nook awaiting reading (gotta get through the library books first…). Congratulations on Making It, at least as far as the NYT is concerned. You earned it.

    Rock on.

  220. I just wish I had more time to read!! I haven’t gotten very far into it. I want to enjoy it but also want to be able to say I’ve read it so I can hurry and pass it along! <3 you jenny!!

  221. It’s because you are awesome, and the book is awesome too. Funniest thing I’ve read in quite a while. so congrats on the well deserved bestsellerdom.

    Hey. Is that a nipple on your shoulder?

  222. I wonder if they sell those handmade nipples on Etsy? Hm. Might have to check it out. Never know when ya can use a third nipple, that’s for sure.
    Hey a huge congrats, again to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  223. Jenny, I bought your book and I just wanted to say that at a time in my life where stress is non-stop, sleep is for the weak, and I spend a great deal of time being sad; it gave me some smiles, some snorts, and some laughs it was totally worth every penny I spent on it. So thank you.

  224. you beat rachel fucking maddow. i think that’s something you’re allowed to feel good about, right?

    please please please come to philadelphia.

  227. Aw Jenny, we love you! Every time I pass a bookstore, I go in and look at your book and tell everyone how awesome it is. PS I already have a copy or I would have bought it in one of those bookstores. But I geek every time and I get so excited and happy for you and then I remember that I don’t *technically* know you, but I love you so much and you’re the best. That is all.

  228. Finally! got your book this afternoon. Love it and love you! If I’m ever in a Make-A-Wish situation, I’m totally asking to meet you.

  229. You’re awesome, and getting to know you reminds me to hang in there and keep doing what I do. What you say seems to be true and it is exciting and inspiring and now I am rambling but thank you. I think that is my point.

  230. Congrats, Jenny. You are an inspiration.

    Many days, I despair at my financial issues, and the state of my career, and even my ability to communicate those things. And then your posts make me laugh and not be so self-pitying. So thanks for that.

  232. I would wear it next to a real nipple, under a tight shirt, on a cold day. Then pretend I had no clue what people were staring at and take GREAT pleasure in calling them perverts. Because you know, they totally would be.

  233. WE’RE the misfits? I think we’re the normal ones – and by normal I mean awesome….

  234. Jenny, I am SO happy for you and glad I got to come to your book signing in Houston. I’m proud to be a misfit if it means that people like you are in my tribe.

  236. Jenny, honestly you have got to be the bravest woman ever. You may be physically hiding in your bathroom, but on the internet… you are all out there. Thank you, sincerely, for making my fucked-upness fun again!

  237. You may be a first-time author, but you are not a no-name! You are the Bloggess! You’ve got celebrities following your blog! You’ve got all of us loving you! So yes, you have a name and it went out there even bigger than before. Congratulations!

    I can’t wait to get my copy. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I asked my family for it. 😀

  238. Well done and many many congratulations. I’m waiting with baited breath for when the paperback in released in the UK – what can I say, I’m old fashioned and want pages instead of a Kindle screen for something this good.

  240. Just wanted to let you know I haven’t found any of your bodily fluids in the book yet… The pages seem pretty clean except where I got Cheetos cheese on them.

  241. I am very very happy for you. You make me laugh. You should be on every best selling list. But you are a freak. Just sayin’

  242. When I was young I would watch Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys and feel sad and just like those misfit toys….no one understood me. I was the weird silent girl who looked like cousin it…glasses and all. It wasn’t until the past few years that I finally realized that I like being a misfit toy and am proud of it. Thank God I am different and not just another one of the mindless mass. When I read your book I so identified with the pain but the growth that led me to realize that weirdo can be a complement! You rock! Thank you for the courage to share your journey and don’t ever change:)

  243. I bought a second copy of your book for my 90 yr old grandmother and she called me yesterday to tell me she’d read it while she was going through her latest chemo treatment, and it made the time fly by. So thank you for all that you write and especially for keep my grandma entertained during her treatment. :o)

  244. You probably won’t have time to scroll all the way down here, what with all the glitter herpes treatments and best-selling author handshakes you’re having to learn, but I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS. Your book is wonderful and your acclaim is well-deserved. It’s weird being this happy for someone you’ve never met. (I’m referring here to how oddly happy I am for you. You have no reason to feel happy for me. Other than that you now know I thoroughly enjoyed your book.)

    Also, I’m weird, but you’re making me wish I was weirder. So I can keep up.

    Look, you’re also giving people goals. Your impact is many-layered.

  245. SCORE ONE FOR US! Thank you for showing us we’re never alone. The Bloggess for president!

  246. Wait, homemade? Artisan crafted? Not a run-of-the-mill, made-in-China nipple?

  249. Saw you in Austin and it made my day. My week. Longer but then it has been a bad three months. Sorry about the Ex-lax but it made for a hell of a funny story and I really needed funny. Thank YOU. The book is winging its way to me now and I can’t wait to read it.

  250. I haven’t any idea about nipples one and two, but it looks like number three has some dislocation issues…and it looks like it wants my eye…no three-nipple Jennys here…

  251. I’m so happy to have your book! I haven’t cried with laughter so many times since one of my friends told a story about getting her pudenda stuck in an electric razor. Thanks for writing it!

  253. Today on my way to my hair stylist I walked by a fashionable little shop and there in the window were 3 Beyonce metal chickens (the smaller versions). “Hi Beyonce, Jr,” I said quietly. Then, while waiting getting my hair cut and colored (frivolous fawn) I was leafing through People and there you were again. It’s a sign. I’m bringing my hair stylist a copy of your book on my next visit.
    Come to Minnesota – we would welcome you with open arms.

  255. I ordered your book way back and it finally came!!! So, of course, I stopped sleeping so I could plow through and read about the homeless people eating your duck. I can SOO relate. When i was 12, my cat disappeared. His name was Mickey, and for 9 years, this cat had been my dearest friend – seriously. He had his own wardrobe. Then he disappeared, and we later found out some immigrants from a land where cat-eating is the norm had been stealing and eating the local pets! When I tell this story, people laugh, so I stopped sharing it because it was a huge bummer. And one girl called me a racist for saying the people’s nationality. A: It was on the news, call the news racist B: They were convicted – this isn’t some alleged pet stealing/eating thing C: The recent immigration status seems to make them more sympathetic, don’t you think? Anyway, I hope he gave them indigestion.

  257. WOW. You deserve that nipple. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.

    Although I submit that it should be a gold nipple. A pointy little wearable trophy for your book success! So happy for you!

  258. Is it awkward to say “That is a pretty sweet nipple” if it’s not one of the nipples you were born with? I mean, I guess if you’re showing it off, you have to expect that people will comment on it. Otherwise, you’re like the women who wear bodices to Renaissance Festivals, but get all offended when guys stare at their boobs. You strike me as above such petty indignation.

    That’s a pretty sweet nipple.

    Also, congratulations on a fantastic book. I listened to the audiobook. Loved it a LOT. You are kinda my hero. You have made it through some seriously weird/awful/amazing shit in your life, and you have come out the other side, if not wholly sane, then at least a little bit stronger for the testing.

    You’re like Elizabeth I. For real.

  261. You deserve it. I downloaded the book on my Nook the day it came out. Also? It’s totally exciting to hear people I know and around my office talking about discovering you and buying your book and I’m like I’VE BEEN READING HER FOR YEARS BITCHES.

  262. I’m already done with the book, and I actually peed my pants (from laughing so hard) while reading the book. My husband bought it online without telling me, and opening that box was a very happy day. Thank you for writing such a hilarious book, that makes me feel so much better abouthow fucked up growing up was for me, and for proving to my husband that I am not the only person with a passion for strange taxidermy.

  263. Your book gets funnier and funnier. I’m reading it while nursing and every time I LOL my baby startles and looks at me like; “the fuck?” Love the dishwasher/clean house chapter!

  264. I have been waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Apparently Indigo has issues shipping to Saskatchewan. It apparently ONLY arrived today and I get to read it tomorrow.

    All I can say is this – COME TO CANADA. I’m sure there are lots more nipples here you could have. errr…. right.

    Also.. You are my hero.

  266. Seriously, Fairview, Texas is not Dallas. It is not even in Dallas county. You should have just said Sherman and been done with it. I pre-ordered your book from Amazon and have loved it.

  267. And thank you for writing it. I’m a fairly recent daily convert to your blog. I started reading after several friends shared various posts on their own blogs or on Facebook. I started reading your book at the gym the other day and found myself the object of stares more than once when I realized that I was literally laughing out loud as I rode a bike. But thank you for that. I can’t wait to keep reading and laugh out loud some more. In public.

  268. Jenny, I was passing a bookstore in the Minneapolis airport this morning and saw your book prominently displayed. I stopped to admire and smile…I’m really proud of you!

  272. I’ve been reading your blog long enough to no longer be surprised about hearing that you have three nipples. 😀
    Huge congrats to you for dominating the best sellers list!

  274. This always happens… you get me laughing so hard that I’m crying, and then you make me cry for reals. Thank you for that.
    Love,
    Misfit.

  275. That nipple is hot. You wear it well. Congratulations! Can’t wait to read the book on Kindle!!!

  276. Not surprised that you made the Best Seller List, not at all!!! My friend Selena had you sign a book for me today and I’m so excited!!

  277. Thank YOU. Somedays all I can think is that I am crazy. But my sister says crazy people don’t know they are crazy so I can’t be crazy. I now know that if I’m crazy so are a lot of other people and that’s ok because who wants to be normal? Phew!

  278. The last time I joked about three nipples, 2 of the 5 people in the room (well, garage) revealed they had a third nipples. Then they revealed their third nipples. I’ve never won a scratch-off lottery ticket, but I end up cracking a third nipple joke when 40 percent of my audience has three nipples. I don’t know if that is horrible or freaking fantastic luck.

  279. I bought your book! I have 2 little kids, I work, and I’m in a PhD program. Your book is my comic relief. I just emailed my friend and told her to buy it. I think she is your long lost twin, at least in personality. If you ever want to meet her I can hook you up. She lives in Salt Lake City. Anyhow, at age 37 it’s not often I laugh out loud when reading (sad, I know). With your book it’s a regular occurrence. After I am done, it will become the book I read out loud to my husband when we are in the car. Thank you for sharing. And say hello to Victor, from all of us.

  280. Jenny I read and absolutely loved your book. I am coming out of my first depression and it was so nice to read, laugh, and relate to you. Thank you for making me laugh (and cry a little, too). And nice nipple 😉

  281. I’m pretty sure that strippers spend lots of time trying to get glitter to stick to their nipples, so perhaps you should be impressed by the eagerness of your 3rd nipple to want glitter to stick to it. But then, what would I know, I’ve never been a stripper. At least where I’m paid money, anyway.

  282. Still waiting for copernicus to fall in love with creepy camel. I really don’t feel you understand clearly how made for each other they are.
    Your book is kick ass-and you make depression and wacked out anxiety normal. This is why I heart you. But in a totally blogstalky way, not a real life stalky way. I think I spelled stalky wrong…is it like a celery stalk or more like a cat staulking a mouse. IDK, however I stalk it-your book rocks.

    Bad spelling makes me anxious though. I need to seriously find out how to spell stalking(staulking) (skulling? no thats not it.)

  283. I loved the book almost as much as i love you……is that stalkerish? Anyway imade myself read slow, knowing there may not be another one for ten years. Still only took two days.congrats, you deserve it!

  285. Your proofreader missed one thing that I saw, but I’m sure it’s been corrected for the second printing. I cannot not see these things. I have the soul of a writer but the eyes of a copy editor. Your editor is amazing too. Loved the way heor she is present in your book like a wise, eye-rolling, indulgently loving school mistress/master. I had to add this because I entered my email wrong in the first comment and I have a nervous talking thing. It’s like what you do except I don’t say outrageous things. I say mind-numbingly banal things. Like this. And I just keep going.

  286. I’m finally reading the book and the fact that the part that made me laugh the hardest was the ex-lax overdose just goes to show that I am a 33 year old mother of four with the maturity level of a 9 year old boy.

  287. Hail, Jenny, patron saint of misfits! Congratulations on making the New York Times Best Seller list! I pre-ordered your book (and got one of your 1,000 bookplates!) and may have to get the audiobook as well as I’m enjoying it Just That Much!

    I only have two nipples (and am rather attached to them both), but I’d seriously consider giving you one of them if you say you’ll write a sequel. 🙂

  288. I must saycongratulations on the book! I bought is and I can’t stop laughing. I must say I am laughing with you not at you, well maybe at you a few times but this is some amazing stuff. I lay in bed reading my Nook while my Husband sleeps and I’m laughing so hard the bed is shaking and he is freaking out cause there is no noise. I love it and I am only on page 67. I just don’t know how I am going to get thru this book without peeing myself. Thanks for making my childhood memories of growing up in Texas look not so crazy!

    amANDA

  289. Anyone else feel like the crazies are taking over the asylum?
    And it’s awesome.
    We’ve brushed ourselves off, put the kids in front of the tv, learned to format and slowly the numbers grew and grew and the underground couldn’t ignore us anymore like they could when we were quietly carving chunks out of our skin in a locked bathroom or sitting up all night in a locked bedroom scared to sleep and abandon our senses to the terrors of the night.
    We blog, and read blogs and most importantly TELL people what we’re feeling so it’s out there and not just in our heads and somehow it’s ok.
    Be One Of Us.

    Seriously Jenny, thankyou.

  292. Before I actually say my comment, I just have to share that I almost put my website in the bit above as ‘tapdancinglesbian’ – that would be a whole different type of blog.

    What I really wanted to say was that I finished your book last night, and then I was all sad that it was over. I did the whole laughing/crying spectrum of reactions, and I kept making my fiance take off his headphones so I could read him bits at which he dutifully laughed because he is bizarrely Normal, spectacular range of mental illnesses aside, and I’ve wandered off topic here haven’t I?

    Thank you for your book, it was lovely. When I say thank you for your book, I mean thank you for writing it. I paid for it, I didn’t steal it. Honest, guv’nor. It’s on my Kindle and everything.

  294. You’re welcome … Thank you for all the laughs, which is just what I need as I dump my husband. Your blog and book is my Prozac ( I never buy hardcovers, but this time I did; cheaper than pharmaceuticals).

  295. I love you to bits. I am considering a tattoo of “Score one for the misfits.” You should prolly copyright the fuckoutta that.
    I’ve plead this before…but PLEASE, PLEASE come to Indianapolis or Chicago! *there is much whining there* Hitchhiking to Texas is outta my old crippled ass league these days! lol

    Totally jealous about the nipple as well. I’d lick the glitter off for you. One of my most famous “crafting accidents” was when I was hot-glueing some stupid angel-lace-shit-bomb & got it on my fingers–(Hot Glue is hotter than fuckin Dante’s Inferno) ; so I immediately put my finger in my mouth. To cool it off, ya know. And got the mother of all herpes burns/scars on my lips & tongue. It was fuckin AWESOME. Of course, I worked in public, so the stares were even more incredible, as I served them their coney dogs & root beer. Ahhh, I may have ruined their appetite. Well, fuck them. I was working for $2.10 an hour. 😀

    Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS, you so deserve every bit of this wondrous adventure! You are amazing & talented & so, so, so very loved.

  296. So fucking happy for you. And for me, and for everyone else who can read. No offense to the illiterate. Although with your book out, it may be a good time to learn.

  297. Well, I’m glad you thanked us, because I personally feel quite responsible for the whole thing. I mean, I started following your blog, & then a few months later you publish a book & hit the bestseller list. Coincidence? I say nay. ‘Twas all my doing.

    Seriously though — this is how BIG your book is: Libraries carry it. That shit is HUGE. And it sits on the FAST READ shelf, which means patrons are expected to return the book within 5 days. You, friend, are phenomenon.

    However, you will owe me approx. $0.50 in late fees. It’s not that I’m a slow reader, I assure you. I know that’s what you started to assume, because you don’t know me, but YOU ARE WRONG. It’s late because you’re so fucking hilarious that I have to go back & re-read aloud each chapter to my husband. He loves me much more now, because he sees my anxiety attacks are quite normal. Even a best-selling authoress hides under tables, so as you point out — score one for the misfits!

    ((( And thank you. From the bottom of my heart. I love you. In a non-stalker-ish kind of way. )))

    Andi-Roo /// @theworld4realz
    http://www.theworld4realz.com/
    theworldforrealz@gmail.com

  298. Hi, I’m new to both your blog and blogging in general (about 2 months,)
    but I have been living vicariously through you. You’re helping me see that if you work hard enough and stay persistent, you can make your dreams come true. So thank you 🙂

  299. I came to the Corte Madera signing and I was going to bring you a graphic novel I wrote and illustrated about star-crossed lovers who both find half a possum in their yard and are eventually brought together by fate (like 5 pages later, it’s not long). The possum halves combine, he tap dances in a top hat and cane, and the couple lives happily ever after. BUT I didn’t finish illustrating it in time. It is based on the true story of me finding half a possum in my back-yard; though I’m still waiting for someone to bring me another half.

  300. Just bought the book & can’t wait!!!
    The price on Amazon were the same numbers as the time I placed the order.
    Dear Magic 8Ball, this makes more sence.

  301. You should totally join the group of friends I know out of Austin! They have a group called ‘Nubbin’! …and let me just say here that you would fit in PERFECTLY with these guys. (and girls)

  302. On the serious side:
    So all of my co-workers are telling me that instead of telling them how awesome I think you are, that maybe I should let you know.
    So I am writing you to let you know that I have been following your blog for a year and pre-ordered your book, which was amazing and I expected nothing less, and I think you are FuCkInG fantastic and I am super proud of you. You have paved the way for other weirdos and I could not be happier that you are getting the recognition that you deserve!
    I hope you know how much people depend on your twisted humor to get through some really god-awful, rough days! I hope to one day turn my tragedies and humiliations into a laugh out loud, awesome book!
    Thanks for the inspiration.
    Allison

  303. I sure hope that nipple has magic powers. And not just the power to transmit herpes, cuz that would suck. Pun intended.

  305. I think I will have to order more copies so that the discerning half of my family can have an uber cool Christmas. The non discerning half won’t notice that they are getting the usual boring stuff.

    (and my mother really like Beyonce!)

  306. I read your blog at work (obviously) and I was reading this post today. One of my coworkers came over to talk to me and I realized when you minimize the screen, the little tab just says “I have three nipples” which made it look like I recently realized I have three nipples and I looked up how to get rid of one on Yahoo Answers (I assume you freeze it off like a wart). My coworker didn’t ask about it because I work in advertising and honestly weird things happen here all the time because we all drink a lot.

  307. I just finished your book. The giant chicken mad e me laugh just when i needed to thanks

  309. Congratulations you deserve it! I read the book and it is awesome!! I kept getting strange looks from my husband because I kept laughing out loud.

  310. Haven’t ordered the book yet, because I want it to stay on the best seller list as long as possible. I mean, if there’s one big explosion of book orders and then a complete cliff dive (a la Willie Coyote) it’s not as much fun, is it? Then again, all these people buying the book tell their friends and they go buy it and tell their friends and yadda yadda yadda, so I guess my point is moot but either way I’m still going to buy your book. Oh, and read it. I’m not one of those weirdos who buys books and uses them for like, I dunno, starting fires or wiping their asses or something. I don’t really know what other people do with books besides read with them. Paper weights? Dust collectors? *shrug*

    -The End

  312. Proud to say I helped with the whole book selling thing. Bought mine the first day and then encouraged others to buy it. And had an exchange with another blogger where we both expressed our excitement over being able to “read the shit outta that book” over the weekend.

    Yay Bloggess! You rock!

  313. When in Lititz, PA this past weekend one of my girlfriends purchased your book. I am still waiting for Amazon to fork over my pre-ordered book so I have a place to put my signed book plate before I lose it. 😉 We also saw Beyonce the giant metal chicken in a shop there. All 11 of us thought of you, it was like you were there in our pockets. We also went to Intercourse, PA, I thought you might appreciate those two town visits. Keep up the good work on your tour.

  314. Ok, I cannot WAIT for both Halloween and the next April Fools day. I am buying one (or 7) of those and it is so ON!

  315. i just wanted to thank you for being the reason i can stand to drag my painful ass (well it’s not really my ass that hurts but as it’s attached the rest of me it gets lumped in there) down the stairs in the morning. i literally leave you on my computer screen at night so that when i wake up and don’t want to deal with anything else living – you’ll be there saying something fucking hilarious. and don’t worry…i get it..and the days you don’t want to be funny. you always have archives and that’s what counts. you’re always there for us. which is why we want to be there for you.. which leads me to…

    um…. apparently the misfits in Colorado don’t count? because IF you suddenly realized that you might have one or two more tour dates in you….or you could manage another tour after recuperating from this one……and that you had (well..let’s blame the tour people) just accidentally forgotten the whole state of Colorado…and that they did, in fact, matter, and you happened to come see us, i would actually go to my first book signing evah. and i hate public things. but for you? totally going to face the public thing just so i can meet you and your creatures. and thank you for not forgetting Colorado misfits and for just being you and not being afraid to say all the funny shit in your head. because the world is a better, happier, and weirder place (thank the powers that be) because you exist AND because you share it with us.

    ps i know there’s that whole underlying texas vs. colorado thing but can’t we just bury the hatchet so you can get your ass to colorado springs?

    pps i know i know….i could be a real supporter and come to where you are…but that’s not possible at the moment due to the logistics of 4 children on a mountainside with me and no car. we have a house and everything…well…really it’s a cabin, but it’s not like we’re actually living on the mountainside. not that we couldn’t….we’re pretty hardy. but we don’t. but we also don’t have a car and are 3 miles from a liquor store/bar/tiny country restaurant and 20 from anything that resembles a city. therefore i simply cannot walk to where you are. i’m sorry. i love you a lot but there are some things even hardy mountain women can’t do.

    ppps thank you again for all of the cry inducing laughter. you rock the universe.

  316. i don’t know if anyone else has said it bc I’m too lazy to read all of the comments, but this should totally be the introduction to the introduction on the second printing.

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