If it's Sunday, this must be Annapolis.

in Random Crap

I’m still on tour and Sunday I’m in Annapolis.  Come see me?  Please?  To commemorate the last day of the second leg of the tour I’m celebrating by sharing the first post I ever wrote on this blog:

Hard to believe I got zero comments on that one until I bribed my coworker to leave one two days later.

PS.  A photo from today’s tour in Gaithersburg:

I also signed a baby and someone gave me a toilet seat with my picture on it. True story.

It was a weird day.

188 thoughts on “If it's Sunday, this must be Annapolis.”

Read comments below or add one.

  6. Did you get arrested for saying “douchecanoe” on a live radio interview?!

  9. A Bloggess post with zero comments? That’s like….crap, I can’t think of what that’s like.

  10. Damn it, woman, I want the story of being cuffed!!!

    You’re just a big tease, that’s what you are! =P

  16. I think we could all have guessed some sort of arrest would happen. 🙂

    Say hi to all the cute Navy boys in Annapolis for me!

  17. Was he arresting you because he was jealous of your new toilet seat or because he wanted you to sign his baby?
    In any case, next time bring your own handcuffs and say “can we use mine? They are a little more comfortable. Ask Victor, he knows.”

  20. How much did you bribe your coworker to leave a comment on your blog that the police kept the case open all this time? Lesson: everything catches up with you in the end.

  22. You left out that you signed someone’s cleavage. I was a few people back from that one.

    Lest you ever doubt you are loved and make a difference in this world, remember all those people standing, applauding, cheering and laughing today. You are an amazing woman, Jenny. Thank you for being you!

  23. Who would dare do such a thing? Why????
    Is there a law against Pajama Jeans?

  27. Come onnnnnn no way were you handcuffed for real! Not YOU! 🙂
    Can’t wait for this story. I’m sure it’s epic.
    Is the toilet seat plush? Like the kind our grandmothers had that went “woooooooshhhhhh” when you sat on the seat?

  29. I think they had to take you downtown because your presence at the festival created such mayhem! You know, they even had to keep the shuttles running late because the line was soooooooooooo long for the book signing? I’m pretty sure Judah Friedlander was like “What is this line for???” and someone told him it was your line and he was like “Oh, the one who writes about her cats.” I must admit, probably something I never expected to overhear him talking about.

  30. Wow, I wish that I had thought to have you sign my baby. What a good idea!

  31. Oh.. come on – you were supposed to do that in NYC! “Only in Gaithersburg” doesn’t have quite the same ring as “Only in NY”! Oh well… next time. And.. we have MUCH cuter cops 🙂

  32. I had a local cop do that to my daughter for her prom pictures. We got great shots of them being patted down, hand cuffed and thrown into a squad car. Great pics.

  34. So I’m guessing that the arrest was because there’s a limit on awesomeness allowed in Annapolis and you exceeded it? (But seriously, handcuffs aren’t very comfortable- I learned that as a kid when trying to wriggle out of handcuffs ala Houdini. Incidentally, I could do it for awhile, then I had my last growth spurt and couldn’t do it anymore)

  36. I’ve thought for a long time that cursing makes everything funnier. But I live in Stepford and my neighbor’s a pastor, so I’ve been having panic attacks over not saying ‘fuck.’ It’s my favorite fucking word! You give me courage to be the real me! (I mean it, thank you – I hope you read your comments.) 🙂

    I like the comment a few comments up about you being cuffed as the new cover for ’50 Shades.’ Agreed.

  38. You’re supposed to be kissing babies, not signing babies. Oh, wait. That’s for when you run for office. Which you very well could do, now that you’re comfortable in handcuffs.

  39. He doesn’t look like he’d be fun to play with in handcuffs. This is why you only let the really good-looking guys handcuff you. Anybody else, be like Nancy Reagan and Just say no.

  41. Meeting you was legend… dairy!…
    I managed to keep my voice in a manly octave, I didn’t puke, wahoo.

    I can’t imagine you blogged from jail, so this was hopefully a hoax, or they charged you with something stupid like cursing in public (Bono got arrested for “inciting a riot” at the Capital Center back in the day) this is probably on its face bad news, but good news for us because you’ll come back! Ok that was sad and pathetic.

    Anyway, if this is real, you join Bono in a bizarre distinction. (and I don’t think he is a New York Times best selling author)

    Great meeting you!
    WG

  42. Holy crap, you really signed a baby?? Some parents are just too amazing for anything. I’m hoping that I make it to NY to see you. And what the heck are you doing in cuffs??

  45. You know what’s even funnier? “FUCK. My fucking dog just fucking died.”

    Also, I fucking remember when I read your first fucking post, and all I could think was, “One of these fucking days, this fucking upstart fucking mommyblogger is is going to take the fucking world by fucking storm.”

    And I was fucking right. The fucking house down.

    PS: Vagina.

  46. Can I just be a groupie, bring you water or whatever, on this book tour? I need to see these things with my own two eyes.

  49. Love the cops face.

    My mom and I were at a retreat this weekend and you came up. My mother knows nothing of you as the funny lady or the writer. To her you are the great lady that made that wonderful video talking about living with mental illness. My younger brother struggles every day with his mental illness and has tried to kill himself many many times. My mom really appreciated your video and how helpful it can be to so many. You helped both her and I. Just wanted to say thank you! You’re an incredibly funny gal, which I love, but I really appreciate the good you do in the world trying to make sure so many folks know they are not alone. <3

  50. My mom and I are coming to see you tomorrow in Annapolis and we are both really excited!!!

  51. I am still holding out hope that you will come to Portland, OR home of Portlandia. Also, Portland is weird so you should like it.
    Thank you!

  52. Ha! I hope the girl in front of me sees this. She wrote a note on her post it & then spent the wait agonizing over whether she would get in trouble for writing a note to you on her post it. “Do they throw people in jail for that?” I assured her that you surely wouldn’t let her be arrested… Little did I know that you yourself were on the wrong side of the law. You could’ve shared a cell.

    Oh. I’m a lawyer by the way. Just in case…

    Today was seriously the best day ever. Or at least the top 3. I had so much fun. And I made so many new friends waiting in line. Those are definitely my people.

  54. Well…. there goes the “sign my baby” idea….. Motherfuckers. And I was gonna totally borrow o e too. Will you sign my non -approving husband??

    Hugs!

    Valerie

  55. Someone may have given you a toilet seat with your name on it, but my friends and I are giving you a taxidermied Hamster named Hammy Potter — to go with Ron Weasel-y and Ermione Granger. The only reason we didn’t bring it today is because our friend’s daughter’s hamster didn’t die in time to be taxidermied. We may be a little fan stalkery, but we are not a Criminal Minds episode so we made sure that our offering died of natural causes. Apparently it takes a while to taxidermy a hamster so it’ll be a few months.

    P.S. We need your address so we can mail you Hammy Potter when he is finished.

  59. I am so sad that I was like twenty minutes away from this and couldn’t make it. You seem to be circling DC – please try to make it into town sometimes?

  61. Ok, we were wondering why there were so many cops around! What have you done now Jenny?! It was amazing seeing you today, thank you for making Maryland part of your tour.

  62. Weird, I sent you a tweet earlier today suggesting you post your very first blog entry as part of your re-runs. So, in some weird way, this must mean I think a little like the Bloggess … which, of course, is totally awesome!

  63. If’n you had the dog fixed it wouldn’t have died doing what you said, it was a male dog wasn’t ? Always is under those situations.
    As to the arrest, I’m thinking to be expected all things considered. I’ll bet Victor had something to do with the arrest. I’ll bet also when you called him about bail, he said, “Jenny who ?” What charge(s) ? When the trial ? Do you need character witnesses ? Crap that won’t work with your readers.

  65. Sorry about being incarcerated and all but your rack looks great in this picture.

  66. You should have seen his face while you were talking Jenny! He kept trying to be serious and keep a straight face. He gave up about the time you were talking about being rapeable. It was awesome. Thank you so much for being there today. My family and I had a great time and we didn’t even run anyone over with our rented wheelchair! Today was a total win.

  67. Please tell me you bribed him to get a picture. Which sounds like something you would do. Also, you never told us why your ovaries kicked the crap out of you. Because of some Indian burial thing? Remember? Maybe it wasn’t your ovaries but something like that, anyway, just thought I’d remind you.

  68. I was amused to see you made most of your “security team” chuckle during your reading!
    Your awesomeness will totally get you the best cell and most friends…plus you can learn new skills!!

  71. I hope you used a Sharpie pen when signing that baby and fuck yeah, everything is funnier when you swear, except in this instance. Then it just makes it worse and people ridicule you.

  72. you’re in my old neck of the woods. if you drive through kensington, maryland — don’t stop — something’s really messed up in the water. it’s also a dry town. however, everyone from there is a sot.

    also…

    aren’t you exhausted?
    aren’t you fucking exhausted?

  74. Is that John Goodman?

    My third post was about my daughter taking a shit in a cupboard…only I didn’t use the word ‘shit’…my blog isn’t like that…but only because my kids read it. I never should’ve let them have the link 🙁

    I can’t believe you are two legs down. How many legs does this thing have?

  75. I suppose it was only a matter of time before you were led away in handcuffs. That being said, all the smart money was on it being a straitjacket.

  80. Finally got your book. Tried to get it the day it released but apparently I used an expired card, so you know, that happened. But today my husband bought it for my birthday. All I need now is for you to come to Albuquerque! Also, I just read the first ten chapters aloud to my husband while he played Gears of War, and there’s just no sight like watching a grown man laugh until he cries, while at the same time able to shoot Locust.

    Also, I may have lost my voice. Worth it.

  82. I walked into the festival yesterday and noticed the police presence. I found it to be weird – it wasn’t Dragon Con, it was the Gaithersburg Book Festival. Then I realized that the organizers must have read your tweets and realized what a rowdy bunch your minions are.

    I’d sat through 4 authors to ensure a good seat. The other authors had a volunteer with them, as well as a spokesperson from the book store who was sponsoring the show. What did you have? You had a police escort. (Sorry, you had a fucking police escort.) It was awesome and frightening, all at the same time.

    Of course, you also had a huge standing room only crowd, which no one else did. That’s probably because your book is funnier than the Bible.

  83. We know that it would be totally inappropriate to say, “Whoa” because a world famous author of the literary persuasion looks incredibly HOT when her hands are cuffed behind her.”

    So we will contain ourselves and go take a cold shower.

    Victor, you really need to carpe diem (“use the mink handcuffs”) when thebloggess returns.

    But be gentle, because her fucking dog just died.

    Let me stress, we did not say “Whoa”.

  84. I knew it had to be that cop. He was awesome. He was standing over on our side of the pavilion, and he was laughing the entire time. Unlike the douche canoe standing next to him who needed to get a fucking sense of humor (oh and take off the damn bike helmet).

  85. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again: getting cuffed makes your boobs look good…

    Wait, I’ve never said it before about *your* boobs. That was the universal “your”, not the Jenny-specific “your”

    Pronouns suck.

    But seriously, nice boobs.

  86. Damn it woman, you’re working hard. I’ve been offline for a week and you’re still on tour 🙂 That toilet seat is weird dude, are you going to use it? The idea being, we sit on Jenny????

  87. “Joseph Finn May 19, 2012 at 8:03 pm

    I think we’ve found the new cover for 50 Shades of Grey.”

    Post of the Day!

    I really wanted to come see you yesterday in Gaithersburg – so disappointed I couldn’t make it. I’m glad the reading turned out well, and you got to meet Montgomery County’s Finest. Have a great time in Annapolis; keep your hands off the Midshipmen. ( Trust me, they don’t like it when you touch the sailors. Ask me how I know… )

  88. Yes, please, because the last thing poor Victor needs is for you to be arrested with seamen on your hands!

    ~EdT.

  89. Did you bribe this officer to look grim and handcuff you?! (What a good sport! Alternately: What did you do?!)

  91. I am so excited to meet you in Annapolis today!!! I came all the way from Tampa, Florida! I just happened to be in Maryland this week. It is fate!

  92. When are you coming to Vermont? I have forced your book on everyone I know. They think that I’m just trying to justify my own “unique” view of the world. I keep telling them that you really exist. It would be nice if you could help me out and APPEAR BEFORE THEIR VERY EYES. I mean really, how cool would that be? (The answer is “seriously fucking cool” – yep, cursing *does* make everything better.)

  93. Field trip to Nappy Town! I will be there… and possibly a little stinky if I have time to hit the cheese department at Whole Foods first… BONUS!

  94. Nice, tight writing in that first post. 😉 Did your fucking dog really die, or was that a test to see if anyone was listening reading?

    That policeman looks far too pleased with himself for having you at his mercy, and in handcuffs. I hope you gave him a signed book and sent him on his way, and that you kept the cuffs (and key) to torture share with Victor. 🙂

    Happy touring!

  95. This is totally unrelated to anything, but I’ve just been diagnosed with Celiac Disease (gluten intolerance) and am suddenly noticing several symptoms you have. You should get yourself checked out – it’s just a simple blood test.

    For that matter, everyone reading this should get checked out, especially if you’re in a country where you don’t have to pay for health care. CD is extremely under-diagnosed and something like 1 in 130 people have it, most without knowing.

  96. I love you. Is there any other way to say it? You’re my new idol, I’ve pushed Gilda Radner aside for you.

  97. “I was arrested for signing a baby”
    I was arrested for signing a fucking baby”
    For the love of sweet chocolate baby jesus, COME TO ARIZONA. I would totally give you a baby to sign. Not mine. Someone elses. Though I don’t know anyone who has a baby I can borrow, so I’d have to find one.
    Scratch that. Bad idea. I’d have you sign my bra. Or one of my kittens.

  100. I love that someone gave you a toilet seat with your picture on it! Er…that’s…I fucking love that someone gave you a toilet seat with your picture on it! Wonder if the baby is going to get your
    name tattooed on its little baby body.

  101. Annapolis…isn’t that kinda military? I stayed at West Point once. It was an accident (the staying, not West Point). I gotz lost in the countryside and at 2AM found myself at West Point where they actually have civilian lodging (for a fee, of course). At 5Am something happened that never occurs at Marriot, Hyatt or any of the larger hotels. Taps. And an invite to GET MY ASS OUTA BED AND MOVE IT ON OUT. 3 hours sleep. Welcome to New York…

  102. Awesome reading and Q&A in Annapolis! I had my two boys in tow (Isaac and Asher), who were fairly contained until they tried to (perhaps) strangle Copernicus. (Sorry.) I have promised to tell them your story about acquiring him. Maybe bedtime would not be the best time…

    Yours was the first book signing I have ever gone to. Thanks for coming out, doing the tour, and getting me to try something new! It was a pleasure to meet you, even in the fly-by signing setting.

  103. I really think Sayre, Pennsylvania should be on the book tour. There are at least 7,000 people here that should read your book (that’s the total population in case you are wondering). As for the cop, I could totally arrange for you to be arrested (as I know this was just a publicity stunt to get your second book a ton of attention, which really isn’t needed but that’s not the point and when are you publishing that one because I’m jonesing for another Bloggess novel ). Anyway, signing the baby is genius because she will never remember it, but her parents will be paying for her therapy for years and all the while knowing it was worth it. However, the toilet seat is quite intriguing. I would have you do the same. In Sayre, PA. The headquarters of We Love Jenny Lawson Fan Club.

  104. Yup, welcome to MD. Wanted to see you in Annapolis but just had a really bad week/weekend. Hopefully will see ya if you are back around. if I am still around. really bad weekend.

  105. When that cop saw you, I’m sure his train of thought went something like this:

    “Oh no! That lady’s signing a baby with one hand and holding a toilet seat with her face on it in the other. She must be recruiting that baby into her demonic cult! Now she’s marking the kid with her name, and then she’ll brainwash the little guy into following her by forcing him to stare at her face all through toilet training. I can’t help but admire her evil brilliance. Still, I can’t leave her on the streets. There are the children to think of, after all.”

    So, you see, it was just a big ol’ misunderstanding about you being a demonic cult leader. I think we’ve ALL been there. I know I have.

  107. So I read your book this weekend. Thank you for making my childhood normal. At least I am not the only one who had a Dad who did things like kill a rattlesnake and cut it’s head off and place it on the floorboard of the truck and let his 5 year old climb in. The last twitches of the muscles in the snake caused a headless rattlesnake to strike my leg and leave a little bloddy spot on the back of my calf. I am suprisingly able to look back on this and laugh. Cause what else can you do. But now I feel like there are people out there who understand and are not horrified by my sense of humor that was culminated from such experiences.
    Thank you Jenny 😀

  109. He’s totally arresting you for pretending to be the naughty librarian. At the post office. Btw..You look fucking hot with the boobs all boobed out! Great reading today in Annapolis! Thanks for signing a piece of my wall and not thinking I was trying to stab you.

  111. Actually, the addition of some of our good-looking Men In Blue made the experience even better! Mmmm, Men In Blue. It was FABULOUS seeing you yesterday in Gaithersburg.

  113. OMG I was totally there in Annapolis! You did great!
    I felt like such a dork because when you signed my book all I could say was “I’m so nervous!” because I thought for sure I’d chicken out at the last minute! But you were really nice..so thank you!

    You are my internet hero, thank you so much for writing the book and reading the audio..I am making my husband listen to the audio just so he can see how awesome you are. He is just in awe because of Beyonce.
    🙂 Thank you for coming to MD!
    You rock!

  114. So I’m sitting in the VIP tent at the Gaithersburg Book Festival holding Jenny Lawson’s book in my sweaty little hand, waiting to see Jenny Lawson speak and then go stand in line so that Jenny Lawson can sign that sweat-stained book of mine when into the tent walks JENNY LAWSON! And I start trying to get my friend’s attention and let him know that Jenny Lawson has just walked into the tent because he doesn’t even know what she looks like because he is awful! (You don’t always have to like your friends) So I’m saying “It’s Jenny Lawson! It’s Jenny Lawson!” and trying to make jerking motions with my head in her general direction only Jenny Lawson is like FIVE FUCKING FEET AWAY!! so I can’t be all obvious about any of this so of course I can only speak through clinched teeth in a harsh, hissing whisper and make subtle twitchy motions with my jaw and my friend thinks there’s a bee maybe flying around my head and keeps trying to swat at this non-existent insect until, by means of me holding the book right up against his face whilst making crazy, google eyes at Jenny Lawson, finally makes him say, “Oh! Is that Jenny Lawson? You should go say hi.” And I’m, “For the love of God, I can’t just walk up to Jenny Lawson and say hi!!” and he says, “You should say hi and then get her to sign your book.” and I hiss/scream “I can’t ask her to sign my book! Not now! Not here! Not in the VIP tent! That would totally violate the sanctity of the VIP tent! Wouldn’t it?” And I’m seriously contemplating going over and asking her to sign my book when some other lady comes up and asks her to sign her book bag! And then I really can’t go up and ask her to sign my book because it would totally ruin this righteous indignation I have going on towards this book bag lady who completely violated the sanctity of the VIP tent with her bag signing antics and then I realize my friend has wandered off and I’m one of only five people in the tent with Jenny Lawson so I panic and run away, like you all would. And then I watch Jenny’s presentation and it totally rocks and kicks the asses of every other writer who was there that day, including the dude from ’30 Rock.’ The dude with the hats. All the hats. And then I wait in what is the longest line of the day for Jenny to sign my book and I wait in that line for 12 hours!!!! (probably) and my bald spot gets sunburned and now it’s peeling so it’s like I have radioactive monster dandruff and when I finally get up to see Jenny I say maybe three words to her with one of them being “Gawrsh! and then run away in a panic again. But the moral of this story is that it was totally worth it to stand in line for 27 hours (probably more) just to get kaiju dandruff and say three words to Jenny Lawson. But in the future, screw the sanctity of the VIP tent.

  115. Of all the cops protecting you from the screaming masses he was the one that smiled the most! Glad that he was the one to arrest you!!! I was waiting for someone to pass out from screaming so much a la the Beatles.

  116. That gives me such hope! I would have commented if I had known about you then, for reals!

  117. Yes! He looked like he couldn’t understand why his other colleagues in uniform were not getting the jokes. He was cracking up the whole time and was all “Dude cop in the bike helmet: what up? This chick is hilarious!”

    Loved seeing you in G’burg. You’re a rock star for staying to sign every single book, and all with a grin and a fabulous laugh. Thank you!!!

  119. I’m so glad I didn’t try and make it to the Gaithersburg signing, I would have gotten fired for not being at work on time. And I’m so glad I dragged my husband and son up to Annapolis to meet you! I even screwed up the directions on my phone gps getting there, seemed appropriate. I was the one with the electric blue hair, and I really do appreciate you for inspiring me to start my own blog, and for finally, at the age of 41 to say fuck it and dye my hair blue. Reading your blog and your book has given me the courage to like myself and to revel in my own fuckedupness. And it was great meeting other bloggess fans, we really are the best people. Thank you for taking the drugs, throwing up, and writing on yourself just so we could meet you and show you how fabulous you are and how the world is so much better with you in it! Enjoy the time with your daughter, and tell her thank you for sharing you with all of us.

  120. A friend of mine was in Gaithersburg and I have yet to hear all about it, but she was really looking forward to hearing you.

    I think I really need to know if he was wearing tear away pants. Also, I really like the shirt you’re wearing when you’re being “arrested.”

  122. *starts scrounching up change for bail money**searches couch cushions* Ok…I got 50 cents from the couch and a hair tie. *searches chair cushions*ooo here’s another 50 cents…up to a dollar *searches kids pockets in the laundry hamper* ok, we got a paper clip, the back to an earring, 3 beads and a dine…so $1.10.*digs to bottom of purse*right…3 sticks of gum (not sure what flavors though), 2 dead pens, lipstick, and $2.67 in change….so I can throw $3.77 into the kitty for bail money!!

  124. that officer had THE HARDEST TIME keeping in the laughter. he looked like he had a full-on belly laugh crawling its way out.

  125. The ONE weekend I’m out of town. Well, one of the two weekends I’m out of town around now. I guess schedules are schedules, but what about me?? Hope my fellow Marylanders were awesome.

  126. i was at the Gaithersburg book fair. It was so much fun. i was at the end of the “get your book signed” line with my husband and my son, waiting patiently, rehearsing the fabulous things i was going to say to you and when i got up there, blam, tongue-tied stupid anxious shyness kicked in. i think i said something like, “muphrump, sign this for my friend her mom just went to the hospital, mummble mumble, ” and quickly walked away. Smooth, huh? i just wanted to tell you that i am actually able to hold a conversation and that you are amazing. Thanks for being a role model for us misfits and next time, i will pretend i am actually good at talking to people when i meet you! 🙂

    Sincerely,

    Dee

  127. I love your dress (shirt?) in the picture! My favorite color. Also, I love how the cop can’t keep a straight face. His eyes? Totally laughing.

  130. I’m so glad you got that cop to arrest you, because he might have been the most adorable thing ever trying to keep a straight face when you loudly proclaimed your own rapability during the reading. Thanks again for coming to Gaithersburg, and it was wonderful to meet you for 20 seconds!!!

  132. I just finished your book. Best book that I’ve read so far this year. I want to mail you a book (if I can find a copy): it’s about a young alligator who meets his Uncle Tooth who is an alligator pirate (for real) and they set sail together. Do you have a PO Box I can mail it to? (If I can’t find it, I’ll photocopy my copy of the book.)

  133. I failed. Totally.
    I meant to get to Annapolis on Sunday. It’s only an hour away from me. I planned for it. I told my husband I was going. Got the GPS all set and ready to make the drive. I picked out cute shoes to wear and everything.
    And then I paused for a moment. I sat down to collect my thoughts. And 3 hours later I woke up, still sitting on the couch with the dog sleeping next to me.

    I will now turn, tail between my legs, and slink away as if I just peed on the rug.

  136. I would like to file a complaint about your book.
    Where might I do that?

    My complaint: The font is too big.
    Or the pages are not numbered correctly.
    The pre-ordered copies were missing chapters?

    Because I finished it in three days.
    THREE FUCKING DAYS JENNY.
    And I have two kids and a full time job so it’s not like I’m lifeless and hurting for shit to do.
    :::::blink::::blink::::stare::::
    Three. Days.

  137. The only thing that could possibly make having your baby signed by Jenny Lawson more awesome would be to immediately take her to get it permanently tattooed. Fuck if I soooo wouldn’t have done that. Because I would be an awesome mother.

    On any more serious note, all these references to a large police presence is nagging at me. Jenny, has somebody threatened you?

    Not that I wasn’t serious about the tattoo. I was.

  138. It’s official… You’re bigger than MADONNA who only requires a new toilet seat on her rider, not one with her actual FACE on it. You’ve made it… BIG things in the works.

  142. On my drive home from the Gaithersburg Book Festival I pass through the little town of Lucketts, VA and sitting outside of a little antique store is a full-size Beyonce in all her metal glory and then later I stop at this little doughnut shop that catches my eye for a quick sugar fix and it turns out that they serve their kid’s meals on a Frisbee! The whole day just seemed fated to happen.

  144. I was wondering about your entourage that escorted you from the reading to the signing tent. You were SRO over there! I was with the lady who was laughing her ass off, standing in the back. Thanks for the making Gaithersburg part of your World Tour – hope you enjoyed your stay!

  146. Your house is going to be even more full of weird shit after this tour. Maybe you should get a barn to put it all in. You could have the angry LEGO transvestites guard your loot! The cop is doing a masterful job of trying to look stern, but it’s kind of not working. Serves you right for not being sufficiently illegal.

  148. If it’s in my dreams, it must be Chicago.
    If you ever get the chance, come up here! I promise I’ll come. And laugh at all your jokes. And we can discuss zombie contingency plans.

  149. Awesome book reading! I forgot to take a picture of Copernicus because I was just so excited to meet you! Thanks for sharing your awesomeness!

  151. I went to the Gaithersburg Festival: It was AWESOME
    the speaker that came before Jenny was trying to answer questions, but it was a tad slow since about 75% of the people there in the crowd were just waiting for him to leave.
    Then Jenny showed everyone her left arm which she scribbled on. It said: Dont Puke, and pretend You are Someone else.
    This is the best advice I have ever been given or heard of since it wasnt exactly advice but more of an idea.
    This same sentence has been on my arm all week as I prep for finals.
    Thanks, Jenny (Im the Chick Who Ran Up To You In a Frenzy and Gave You That One Painting Of You That Was Really Sort Was Made of Coffee AND Paint so I guess its a coffee-ing….????)
    This Comment Makes No Sense And Thats Okay.

  152. I just read your book cover to cover in less than 48 hours. This is incredible because I have serious ADD when it comes to reading. The last time I actually finished a book was 6 years ago- and I kept the book to prove to myself that it was actually possible. My BFF knew that I wouldn’t get bored with your book so she sent it to me for Mother’s day and I just finished it- it was fabulous. There were times I was laughing soo hard while reading it in bed that the whole bed was shaking- which totally pissed off my husband.(bonus!) I was STUNNED at the pictures of Victor. I have no clue why I imaged him looking totally different than he does- but this is how I pictured him….I thought he was like 15 years old than you, a slightly overweight Italian man with a balding head and slicked back black hair. I pictured him with a belly and his dress clothes tucked in and a black leather belt around his belly. I have NO CLUE why this was the picture in my head of Victor- but for me it fit. So it is hard for me to accept the TRUE look of Victor as real. But maybe one day I will it. Who knows….. I doubt it…but one can never tell on these things. I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate the way you actually wrote the book- it kept my attention. The words were spaced out enough that my eyes didn’t get lost and everything always held my attention. I still feel like you are my twin separated at birth- but some how you got all of the boobs. I got screwed on that for sure. Oh and when I was reading your book my 10 year old actually walked up to me and said- “Wow- you are reading a book. I didn’t know that you actually read books!” Yep- that is my life. My 10 year old doesn’t even remember when I finished that other book 6 years ago. I mean- what the hell! He can’t remember things from when he was 4. geeze. Loved the book- and can’t wait until your next one comes out- it we have to wait 10 years then so be it. It will be worth the wait. Bravo! You did a great job! I will be passing this on to my sister to read- who I am sure will love it too. Thanks again for letting us into your life. 🙂

  154. Having not knowing you before that first post I’m not sure I woulda commented on that post either. Post carefully and carry a big stick is my motto.

  157. “Mah fucker, I can autograph handcuffs with my hands… well handcuffed… behind my back!”

  159. So sorry to have missed you in MD. Just about finished your book, and was shamelessly flashing my autographed bookplate to everyone. Completely embarassed myself on a flight to Las Vegas last week while reading it, no doubt causing sales to skyrocket or something. Snorting, whooping and giggling uncontrollably are apparently reason for a sky marshall to come visit you at your seat – thought I was going to need bail money. Some people just don’t know how to have a good time. Thanks for some great laughs and some very emotional moments.

  160. You know I’m debating quitting my job. I was thinking about you and I realized there is a huge difference between:

    I quit my job.
    and
    I quit my fucking job.

    But there is an even bigger difference between”

    I quit my fucking job
    and
    I quit my job fucking

    So there’s that, you know 😉

  161. Annapolis? ANNAPOLIS? How did I miss this shit? I know that wasn’t on the tour schedule I saw. Why the fuck did I volunteer to work all night Friday, and Saturday. I call BULLSHIT. Well, if yer big fancy tour bus runs over any dogs, look me up and I’ll take care of you. (It’s not that I have any weird necrophiliac beastiality fetished. I work for a vet, ya weirdos). Fuck, and now I wrote that and I keep thinking “What the fuck did I just do? If her big fancy tour bus really does run over a dog then I’m the asshole for making it happen”. Mother-fucker. I can’t win with you people.

  162. I just love the photo captured here and it looks definitely funny.. Anyway, thanks a lot for the great post you have shared..

  163. I was going to ask why you didn’t come to Virginia on your book tour, but then I looked around and I didn’t wonder anymore. Still a damn shame, though.

    I live in fucking Virginia…Nope, still not funny. But you know what is?

    I live in fucking Virgina. Or, alternately, I live in fucking Vaginia. Easily one of my favorite things about the state.

  164. You should totally put the toilet seat cover in your home. And then decorate around it…with the ‘knock, knock motherfucker’ towels you got.

    That shit would be legit. Your guests would be amazed.

  165. Hopefully you are home all safe and sound now, and reunited with Victor and your daughter.

    Thanks for coming to Annapolis. Your reading was hysterical and I loved it! Too bad Nathan never made it. He had his own chair and everything! His loss.

    And thanks for being so gracious about signing ALL of my things. (I did give you booze to make up for it, so . . . yeah, I think we’re even).

  166. It was amazing seeing you in Gaithersburg.

    And, super sorry I made a total fool of myself by fawning all over you. But you’re still my hero.

  167. I went to see you in Gaithersburg, hoping that you’d be there earlier than you were scheduled because I had to go to work that evening, but I missed you. 🙁 hope you enjoyed yourself in MD!

  168. My Grandma died.

    My Grandma just fucking died.

    Hey, I think we’re getting somewhere with this…

  169. You know what’s cool – I’m so happy for you, to see you in so many pics without your confidence wig – I’m jumping to the assumption that it means you’re feeling better about being out in the world, and meeting people, and all that stuff that was so terrifying in the past… Hope so, anyway!!

    Plus, your book?? Totally awesome. People stare at me while I’m giggling out loud on the subway, because I’m reading it but they don’t know that. You know that means it’s great!

  170. Seeing you in Gaithersburg was awesome, fucking awesome, and thanks for signing my ceramic chicken Henny Lawson. I meant to ask for a picture of your arm but was so starstruck by you I couldn’t even remember my own name, let alone to ask you to hold your arm out so I could take a picture. That’s probably why they gave us the post-it notes, so we’d know our own names because if you’d asked me what mine was I couldn’t have told you. And that was even after preparing a witty (in-my-head) comment about spelling my name, Stephanie, correctly (unlike that chick who wrote those other books).

  171. You know people are going to keep bringing you weird shit because you keep giving them a virtual blogging nod.

    This is exactly why TV stations don’t televise the streakers that run through football fields. Speaking of which, I’ll be the streaker at your next book signing.

  173. Seeing you in Gaithersburg was so fucking fantastic, it was even worth getting called a racist by Baratunde Thurston in the dedication of his “How To Be Black” book because I saved our seats while my friend got both of our books signed. (She only got “Thank you for supporting all black people.” and agreed that my “Very racist of you to not get your own book” was totally the better one. )

    But they paled in comparison to the whole Jenny experience!!!! From spotting other Jenny fans in the two authors talks before you to spotting Jenny-signature-lacking paraphernalia, there was no shortage of things to do! Counting down to Jenny Day for the whole week before had been for this event!!!! And you were fucking awesome! I had to tell myself to calm down at one point so I didn’t pee, I was laughing so hard! And it was incredible of you to sign things for the line that had no end, and to see that you were still up for partying in the park such that you got arrested? Fucking Legendary.

    You are my hero. 🙂 ( I TOLD Katharine we should have partied with you after we got our books signed, but NO, she wanted to go back to Virginia where we have boring lives…)

  174. I sincerely hope this picture wasn’t the result of an attempt to act out scenes from 50 Shades of Grey.
    …there’s a cop in that, right?

  175. Fuck yeah! By the way Jenny, since I’ve started reading your blog, and especially since reading your book, I’ve developed a vocabulary that would make sailors blush. Awesome. You’ve corrupted me. I. Hope. You’re. Happy. Me? I’m fucking thrilled. And thanks for your last video on depression – that got me through a really tough day last week. Seriously.

  177. I love that we live in a country where you’re allowed to roam around free and unattended. God bless America. The Bloggess for President!

  179. This is my firstest visit to your blog; apparently you are awesome…
    Now let me try out your writing advice…ehem..

    Apparently you are fucking awesome.

    I think it works better when you leave out the exclamation point. Says “I’m too cool to express excitement over anything”. That’s where I stand. And thanks for that. I am so fuckwadding grateful.

  180. Thank you for signing all 4 of our metal chickens. Well, that’s not all of our chickens, but hubs and I thought more than 2 per person would seem greedy. And hoardy. They’re not ALL our chickens — some of them are destined to be the BEST GIFTS EVER. Except our chicken formerly known as “the spare” is now called Cedric Chickory, so he may have to stay. ANYWAY it was fucking amazing to meet you, and thank you so much for coming to Gburg and for doing what you do!! Sorry we had to leave before things apparently got [even more] interesting. Love you mean it!

  181. Darn it you were in my neck of the woods and I missed it. I love you book so far and it has had me rolling with laughter. Of course this made my boyfriend complain that I’m a loud reader. Which I just think means he’s upset that none of the books he reads were gut-wrenching hilarious.

  182. I totally wanted to ask those officers to handcuff me but I didn’t do it. I admire your spirit! It was awesome to hear you speak and read your book. My only regret is that I couldn’t find a taxidermied shark for you to sign for my mom’s group.

  183. I finally got around to uploading the videos I took in Annapolis, MD. I apologize for the shakiness, as I didn’t have a tripod with me and I was in the second to last row. So, the camera was at about 20x zoom for most of both videos. Also, because I didn’t have a tripod my arms were getting quite tired. I didn’t get a video of the actual reading (combination of my arms being tired and wasn’t sure about the copyright rules of a video of a reading of a published book). Also, again due to arms getting tired, I didn’t get all of the Q&A section, but most of it is there.

    So, without further ado, here are the:
    * Intro – http://youtu.be/EfImA44nJFg
    * Q&A section – http://youtu.be/90SPvM9ST1c

    Enjoy! Jenny, I give you full rights to do with these videos as you wish.

  185. I had the pleasure of seeing you in Gaithersburg. Drove a very long way and listened to a profoundly boring lecture on oil because I wanted to save my seat in the pavilion to hear you read. You certianly did not disappoint. It was wonderful. My friend and I laughed so hard that we cried and were super excited to stand in the 2 hour line to have our books signed. Thank you so much Jenny for being you and sharing yousrself with all of us.

    (PS – that cop laughed so hard that he cried too. I think he was genuinely touched by your words).

  186. My uncle had the most hilarious stutter. For whatever reason, he’d get stuck on a word until he swore, and that seemed to fix it. So it was “My d-d-d-goddammit dog died.” Every story he’d tell, regardless of content, was the funniest thing I ever heard.

  187. Damn it all to hell. I JUST found your blog, because my awesome library sent out a message saying “read this if you want to howl with laughter”. I did, and I did. Now I am obsessively going back through your blog and I see you were in my hometown. Aaaaggghh. Where is my time machine?

  188. GoMovies is a popular online streaming platform that offers a vast collection of movies and television shows. The platform is known for its user-friendly interface and easy navigation, making it easy for users to find the content they are looking for.

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